There’s been talk about whether we need to start making announcements asking people to turn their cell phones off before shows. Personally, I don’t think we’ve reached that point just yet as most people are quite courteous when it comes to using their phones which would make it seem like overkill.

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I love my daughter Kye very much. However, I don’t apparently love her as much as celebrities love theirs. How do I know? Because they say so – or so it seems. It’s the buildup to the Oscars and I just watched some actress who, honestly, I have never heard of, tell the CNN reporter something that makes me want to smash things to pieces with a large Thor-like mallet. She was asked if she was hoping to win and replied, “I am someone who puts her kids first.” As opposed to what? Ninth? Isn’t it sort of obvious that your children come first? That’s like expecting praise for not pinching a beautiful bottom when you see one in line at the Mongolian Wok. What do they imagine us normal people do, put our children 27th somewhere after the dog and our collection of ship pins? One day, I’d like to see a celebrity say, “My kids? They get on my sodding nerves the little bastards.” Maybe one day a celeb can even tell us what they are really thinking when asked what’s most important in their lives. “Well, the kids are OK, but if I am honest, I’d have to say my Oscar.”

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I love basketball but honestly I put baseball into the same category as synchronised swimming and find it as exciting as watching paint dry. But having been here in Philly the day after the team whose name I can’t remember won the baseball world championship and being around the restaurants here it seems that baseball is still the subject of mass conversation. The other thing that they talk about is the Philly cheese steak sandwich and who serves the best.

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When my beautiful wife Heidi said choosing a puppy would be the easy part I really didn’t pay much attention. She is from a family who has had dogs all their lives while the only dog I have ever had was called Rachael – she was a spa therapist on the Jubilee which Heidi says doesn’t count as being a dog lover. And so here we are with our new German shepherd puppy and I can tell you that actually looking after it that makes looking after Kye when she was a newborn baby seem only slightly more difficult than the $100 question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

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Next week I will be hosting a meeting with the beards in Miami as we organize all the fun, shows and events for our 5th annual Bloggers Cruise.

In order for me to decide what we do and when, I need you all to let me know who will be joining Heidi, Kye, selected beards, Stephanies, special guests and me. I also have to order the gifts we will send you.

I aim to make BC5 the best yet and look forward to seeing you on the brilliant Carnival Magic on March 4th.

Here is Eric the Beard to explain what you have to do:

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So as you know I am in Miami. Considering I need to travel to the office for meetings with beards and visits to Walgreens to stock up on hemorrhoid cream and the fact that walking is against the law in Miami, I decided to hire a car. Now I went to the concierge desk at the Intercontinentalarriothyatt where I am staying because a sign told me that they had a Hertz car hire on site and the concierge asked if I’d like to see the “car menu.” What? There’s a car menu? Brilliant. Of course I’d like to see the car menu. Jose the concierge then produced a leather bound folder and inside a choice of cars was exquisitely laid out like our steakhouse menu. At the top, as if it were a Gordon Ramsay signature dish, was a list of Hertz Prestige Cars which included a Mercedes sports car for $1,000 a minute. At the bottom, like it was a child’s portion of chicken nuggets at McDonalds, was a tiny Toyota Bollockthing that you could hire for just under $24 a year. There was also the car I really wanted on the menu, a Ford Mustang GT, the car menu equivalent of a Guy Fieri Burger with all the trimmings.

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I know the first part of today’s blog has nothing to do with cruising but I hope you will excuse me for writing my feelings here. You see, I felt such a total and utter bastard last night. Let me explain. We took Kye to the doctor yesterday as her nose continues to flow freely. And while she is fine in herself, happy and content, her breathing is laboured and at night she snores like a drunken elephant.

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With Bloggers Cruise 5 just a few months away and with everything I have to do next month in my brand ambassador role, I have been spending lots of time talking to the beards in the office. Among those with hair on their faces that I’ve had conversations with are Eric and Everett, the two young beards who have done so much to enhance the blog and my Facebook page.

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Ref: 872294249A Cabin: **** Booking#:******Added-Changed: 08/21/11 – 08/21/1

CABIN COMMENTS

Guest called the GSD at 6:15am and asked that someone come immediately to their cabin as the red stand by light on the television was stopping them from sleeping. Guest also asked that the stateroom steward remove the Bible from the cabin but he had not done so. Joiner on duty went to cabin and placed a piece of black tape over the red light on the television and the guest handed the Bible to him which was delivered to the GSD.

Added-Changed: 8/22/11 – 8/22/11 – Mrs. _______ removed all gratuities from cabin ______. GSA asked if she would like to discuss why this was done but she refused.

Red lights, Bibles and canceling gratuities. Let’s discuss this and try and work out what’s going on here. Ummmmm……….ummmmmmmmmmmm……..well honestly I haven’t a sodding clue. Do you?

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Just a week or so after the terrible earthquake in Japan, I remember I had a Japanese guest on stage with me during the Welcome Aboard show and how I treated him so carefully and was nervous about saying anything that would cause him any embarrassment. I actually felt quite uncomfortable and a little nervous. But the guests were magnificent and applauded as one when I said that we were all thinking about him and his country during those horrific days. Well, last week it happened again and with the “bag lady” and everything else last cruise I haven’t had time to tell you about it. Except this time it wasn’t a Japanese guest I had on stage but a guest from Norway.

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