Being single certainly has some superb benefits. You always get control of the remote control, you can eat what you want and not worry about what anyone else wants and if you’re male, you can leave the toilet seat in a permanently down position. But I have always marveled at the single cruiser, sitting alone on the Promenade deck, surrounded by couples. There are single cruise groups as well and they are an excellent way of meeting people. But for some guests, being part of a “single but looking for love” group cruise is not what they want. Yep, cruising single is not always easy. All of this came to mind yesterday when I was walking along the Deck 2 Promenade here on Carnival Legend and I saw a middle-aged lady sitting on her own by the Atlantis Bar. It was 9:30am or so, the ship was in Nassau and many guests were ashore. She wasn’t reading or doing anything really, she was just…….well……..sitting. I gave her a cheery good morning and she gave me what can only be a half-hearted smile in return. Now, I was actually in a bit of a rush as I was heading to meet with another guest who I will speak more of later in the blog. (more…)
It seems like ages since I have written a blog. It has been difficult to do so with all the travelling I have been doing and of course it is much easier to find material for the blog when I am on the ship as a cruise director. That was what the blog was always supposed to be, a diary of my life as a CD and, certainly, if I was to ask you I am sure that most would say the stories of life on a cruise ship and tales of disgruntled guests is what you enjoy and the reason the blog now has 16.1 million page views. So at the end of this month, the blog will return to its natural habitat and there will be no doubt lots to share with you as the Carnival Legend heads to Europe. (more…)
Many years ago when Heidi and I first met and when we thought about nothing but rumpy pumpy and traveling we flew to the other side of the world to have rumpy pumpy in a place that the brochure called a “paradise.” It wasn’t. It was one of those destinations where everyone — from the airport staff to the taxi driver — gave us a necklace of flowers so that by the time I arrived at the hotel I smelt like the perfume counter at Macy’s and was walking like the hunchback of sodding Notre Dame. (more…)
Now and then I get some posts that are very personal and attack me with such venom that it leaves me quite shaken up. There was one particular post I won’t grace with publishing but let me say it was so personal and full of such hate that it pushed my thick-skinned soul to the limit. You know, I spent all of my school years without ever getting into a fight, and even when the school bully Shane Ibrahim used to beat me with a wet towel in the changing rooms I remained calm and polite and tried to brush it off with humour. And that’s a practice that I continue to this day. (more…)
So here I am back in the cruise director chair again which up until this morning was brilliantly occupied by Butch Begovitch who will return to be the permanent CD here after the crossing. He has left the ship in good order and really has left me with no major headaches…… except one. You see we have a new staff member who is going to require some “counseling,” as tofu eaters would call it.
August 10, 2012 -
John Heald -
I had already started writing today’s blog a few hours ago as the ship sat overnight here in Venice. While I was asleep, I dreamt of running the 200 meters final representing the UK. I had been neck and neck with Usain Bolt and we crossed the line together but the judges gave Usain the gold medal because his gentleman’s sausage had crossed the line before mine. Anyway, I waddled over to the computer to find a message telling me that during the night, some “new software ” had been installed and the computer had “restarted.” My half written blog had gone. (more…)
August 6, 2012 -
John Heald -
There is a book called “Women Are from Mars and Men Are from Uranus” or something like that and, judging from what’s happened here on the Carnival Breeze in the last four days, the author of this book was sodding well right. Within hours of the ship sailing from Barcelona on Thursday, a guest from Canada had contacted the guest services desk and had requested immediate debarkation as he and his partner had decided they hated each other. Now, obviously, he had to wait until the following day when we were in Marseilles before he got off the ship as we were at sea. Luckily, we had one open cabin for the night as some guests had missed the ship in Barcelona and would rejoin us in Marseilles and so, after four years of being together, he buggered off back to Toronto leaving his partner on her own to cruise without him for 11 days. What a true shame. (more…)
Before I was a cruise director or a bar waiter even and before I worked in the city of London as a…well, actually, I have no sodding clue what I did, I worked for a local newspaper in my home town of Southend selling advertising space. It has been nearly 30 years since I did that for a holiday job while I was at college and I hated it and what I hated most of all was cold calling. Calling local companies and seeing if they wanted to advertise their business in our newspaper was a dark and lonely job that usually left me with the ringtone resounding in my ear hole. For these reasons, I always try to be nice to cold callers when they contact me.
July 25, 2012 -
John Heald -
So during the show last night, I took some people from the audience for some pre-show fun before the Divas revue. It included a young couple who, when I asked for their names and where they were from, they replied they were from Denver, Colorado. I then shocked myself by instead of saying, “Are you having fun?” or “What’s your favourite port so far?” or “Bugger me your wife is gorgeous, are they real?” I went straight into the, “I am so sorry, how dreadful, it’s awful, I hope they cut his bollocks off and shove 50,000 volts through his arse.”
Last week, someone posted a photo on my Facebook page. It showed a Carnival ship in space, taking a cruise around the moon. It was a great photo and I have been thinking about this the past few days and have been asking myself if indeed this is the future of cruising?