My local Blockbuster store has closed down and I am in mourning. Now I know some of you sandal-wearing, Mac-loving, tofu-eating animal-loving modern-day vegetablists are laughing at me right now saying “What? The fat bastard still goes to Blockbuster?” …….  but I don’t care.

Not only am I sad that the Blockbuster has gone but I also miss the days when I could rent films on good old fashioned videotape. OK, I will admit that becoming a Blockbuster member was a long sodding process. (more…)

“Are you an alcoholic?”

I was asked this by a complete stranger at the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square during the New Years Eve extravaganza of which I will be writing more later. I was standing at the bar and while the beautiful people of New York were ordering Cosmopolitans and Slippery Nipples I of course had requested a glass of…………yep…………Diet Coke.

Now over the years I have discovered that Americans are never fearful of telling complete strangers exactly what’s on their mind. (more…)

I must really love you. Yes, it must me unconditional, unbridled love that I am feeling because it’s six sodding fifteen in the morning and here I sit, in my underpants, having had 5 hours sleep and bugger all breakfast or coffee……writing to you……yes you. Today I enter Dante’s Inferno for two days of mandatory health and safety training and while I understand and commit to Carnival’s commitment to safety I would rather skip naked down a beach (more…)

As a diabetic I have to have what’s called an A1C which is a measurement of my sugar level over the last 3 months. Thanks to the new equipment we have in our medical centers onboard they can now do this for me and give me the results straight away. This means I don’t have to go to see Doctor Longfinger when I am back home.
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So last night Heidi, Kye and I went to the steakhouse. Please don’t worry, this is not a blog to prove that kids can go to the steakhouse although I do have to say at this point that she slept most of the time in her stroller and when she was awake she happily giggled and munched on a piece of bread. I will though say that we did get some strange looks from one or two guests but I am not sure if that was “Oh look that (more…)

For the last few weeks my eyes have been hurting me and I being a man have been completely ignoring it. It comes and it goes, that feeling like I have been punched in the eyes by a very angry Mike Tyson coupled with the fact that they itch and are as dry as a Saudi Arabian happy hour.
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It’s Monday evening, 12:10am and I thought I had better get a start on tomorrow’s (today’s) blog. So while the girls do their starfish impressions here I sit…..in my underpants……writing to you. I had a plan in my mind as to what I would start with today but that plan has changed because I have the TV on…..and I am watching animals have rumpy pumpy. Yep, one of the cabin TV channels is showing a documentary about animal porn and it’s hard to write about anything at all when you are watching two zebras having sex. Actually though, it’s all a bit….ummm…boring.

Right now the program is focusing in on two huge (more…)

I’m bloody tired. Now hold on, before I start I should mention that there is nothing in this world that I love more than my family, not even Megan Fox’s pert bottom cloven in an Egyptian silk G string can come close. However, having the family here and meeting Kye’s demands for attention and doing the CD thing and writing blogs and Facebooking and doing shows and managing 67 crew and 3,600 guests can be somewhat exhausting.
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Good morning and let’s start with this comment.

Owen Walcott Asked:
John – please reply.

I came to your blog because I was told it was the only place where I could make a table for two request and that is for the Fantasy’s Christmas cruise our first on Carnival line. Reading a few entries I was horrified (more…)

Guest: Ms ———–Ref: 848181425A
Cabin: ———- ————–Added-Changed: 09/01/10 – 09/01/10

SPIDER ON TOUR
Guest came to the desk saying that she had been on the Beach Horseback Riding Tour in PVR and when she was on the horse in the jungle part of the tour she had seen a large spider on the tree. Guest said that she is very afraid of spiders and that she nobody had informed her that there would be a chance to see them. Guest is expecting a full refund from the tour. Tasked to Shore Ex Manager

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