You may remember in Monday’s blog that I got a bollocking from Geoff N about my use of British spelling in a blog read mostly by Americans. I wanted to answer him by screaming “Who invented the language you apple pie eating bastard” but I didn’t……….as that would have been unprofessional.

However, he wasn’t the only one to administer a bollocking to me about my language because I used the word “trash” instead of “rubbish” while talking to my father on the phone. And being a retired high school principal he turned into William Shakespeare and threatened his footeth wouldeth be forever upeth my arseeth………..if I ever spoke American in his presence again.

But it’s not just me. (more…)

OK, it’s time for me to come clean about something…………I’ve wanted to tell someone for the last month or so……… but I have been too embarrassed…..too ashamed to tell you ………. but I cannot take it anymore. And so today, Tuesday February 22, 2011 I openly confess to you all…………… (more…)

You may have see on this blog thingy and on Facebook these past few days that I have received lots of requests to help arrange the scattering of ashes at sea. These requests are always full of emotion and it is an honour for me to try and help. (more…)

Ssssssshhhhhhhhhhh………don’t tell anyone but I think two of the ship’s senior officers are ……….. well…………..you know………at it. It’s not like they need to tell anyone they are having an affair because it’s as obvious as posting five photos of naked bottoms on this blog ……. (more…)

We start today with a comment posted here on the blog thingy. (more…)

When I am home with the girls I start each morning the same way. Go downstairs at 7 am, make Kye a bottle of milk, check my sugar level, take my pill, collect the newspaper from the doormat, go back upstairs, give Kye her milk and then take the newspaper into the bathroom, sit down and enjoy 20 minutes of absolute total peace and quiet………minus the odd splash.

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I am sure by now you will have read that the Carnival Spirit will move to Australia in 2012 and if you haven’t then believe me she is……..and here is the official word from Vance telling you so. (more…)

My local Blockbuster store has closed down and I am in mourning. Now I know some of you sandal-wearing, Mac-loving, tofu-eating animal-loving modern-day vegetablists are laughing at me right now saying “What? The fat bastard still goes to Blockbuster?” …….  but I don’t care.

Not only am I sad that the Blockbuster has gone but I also miss the days when I could rent films on good old fashioned videotape. OK, I will admit that becoming a Blockbuster member was a long sodding process. (more…)

My sister Suzanne and I have always had a relationship based on my teasing her relentlessly and her putting up with it as best she could. Once when I was 14 and she was 10 I told her that Mum didn’t love us anymore and had moved to Africa, when she had just gone to the local shop for some milk. (more…)

“Are you an alcoholic?”

I was asked this by a complete stranger at the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square during the New Years Eve extravaganza of which I will be writing more later. I was standing at the bar and while the beautiful people of New York were ordering Cosmopolitans and Slippery Nipples I of course had requested a glass of…………yep…………Diet Coke.

Now over the years I have discovered that Americans are never fearful of telling complete strangers exactly what’s on their mind. (more…)