From: TRIUMPH CRUISE DIRECTOR
Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2011 1:05 PM
To: TRIUMPH ASSISTANT CRUISE DIRECTOR; TRIUMPH DANCE CAPTAIN; TRIUMPH ENTERTAINMENT TECHNICAL MANAGER; TRIUMPH MUSICAL DIRECTOR
Subject: Talent Show

Hey Gang-

Tomorrow night, Old Man Wiggle will be celebrating his 100^th birthday. He’ll sign up for the Talent Show (he always does) and we need to put him last. When he’s finished with the act we’re going to sing Happy Birthday and present him with a cake. I would like to fire the green, gold and purple confetti when we finish the song. Same as we do for Big Easy.  If anyone has any questions, let me know.

Thanks,
Tex
Cruise Director, Carnival Triumph

Well first of all many thanks to Tex for organising this special event. I know Old Man Wiggle as I expect many of you do too and for those who don’t, I will be providing photos of the above celebration in a few days. He is a brilliant character and always takes part in the talent show and stands on stage, sings a song and…..well…..wiggles. He is full of spirit and life and how lucky we will all be if we get to be 100 and get to celebrate it on a Carnival ship surrounded by friends and family. He still lives with his family as well and that is so important. I hope if I live to be very old that Kye and her family will look after me. I have always promised myself that I would never do that to my parents and I intend to live out that promise. Funny isn’t it….they look after you ….. then you look after them.

Seeing Old Man Wiggle reach a hundred not out (that’s a cricket term, by the way) has made me think about my own old age and if Kye can’t look after Heidi and I, what will happen?  I hope I poop off before Heidi because without her or Ketut, there is no way I could look after myself. I don’t know how to cook, clean, operate a washing machine, change a spark plug or where the new roll of toilet paper comes from.

I also don’t want to go to the type of retirement home where you’re left to marinate in your own urine, while the “helpers” stand around texting their boyfriends, waiting for you to die but preferably not on their shift.  I am sure everyone here dreads ending their days in a stinky home for the nearly dead wearing someone else’s false teeth. If I am lucky enough to reach say……80 years of age I think I may hasten my departure.  Because if Kye says “Dada, we have found you a nice spot at The Sunshine Retirement Home,” I will start drinking again, smoking 20 cigars a day and eating nothing but animal fat and lard. Maybe we should have a have a happy hour for only those over age 75 where with pints of ThirstyFrog for $1 and let them smoke and have an hour of Frank Sinatra karaoke. You may spend the rest of the cruise in bed but that’s better than ending your days wasting away on a wipe down chair wearing a diaper. Anyway, congratulations to Old Man Wiggle and photos of his special day will follow.

Time for some Q and A………….here we go.

 Kris Brummett Asked:
John

We had a fabulous cruise on the Carnival Victory 6/26-7/3!   This was my third cruise with Carnival and I want to say for the first time I realized how hard the assistant cruise directors work. We had a fabulous CD in Karl with a K, but the assistant CD, Matt was phenomenal.  I won’t forget either of them. I also wanted to thank you for the kind gift sent to our room and thank Carnival for another wonderful cruising experience!

Kris

John Says:
Hello Kris Brummett

This is very important to mention Kris because you are absolutely correct when you say how hard the ACD’s work. I could never do my job without a strong ACD to help me. I will make sure both Karl and Matt get to see this and I am so glad you had fun. Thanks for taking the time to write.

Best wishes.
John

Lassiter Asked:
John,

It seems to me and I am by the way someone who has been cruising for 18 years and have many with Carnival that your company is looking to be the bottom feeder in the industry. There is a big conversation on Cruise Critic about how Mr. Cahill is dumbing down Carnival and as I know how much you despise us Cruise Critic readers, I won’t waste my time putting the link on your blog. Hundreds of subscribers feel that with all the huge cuts that he is making that he is obviously turning the company into one that only wants blue collar workers and those who may not have high expectations. I am writing to you as the company’s ambassador which I understand is your title so I hope you will give me the respect of an honest answer and no some corporate clap trap and hot air.

John Says:
Hello Lassiter.

I will simply say this — what huge cuts? And the people we are trying to attract are people who want fun at the most affordable price in the vacation industry regardless of what colour their collar is. And for the last time let me be as clear as a polished piece of glass when I say I do not despise Cruise Critic but I am starting to despise the few that give a band name to the many. I hope that you will reply listing the cuts that you are talking about so we can discuss them. Please tell me what you are concerned with and I will help answer it, as honestly and as best I can.

Best wishes.
John

Brycen Edwards Asked:
In January I went on a cruise with my Dad’s office. Dad got sick and had to be disembarked. Well we paid around $2,500 before leaving the boat in medical expenses. I found out last week that the rest of our office was held on ship till they coughed up another $1,400 that the medical department forgot to charge us. While in this case it is hugely funny, if I had been traveling with friends I would be very upset to hear that it had happened. I think Carnival is going too far with their marine law in this case. The whole mess was a bit too far with marine law. Normally when you do this it is called kidnapping. However it was my Dad’s boss so I call it you should have kept the bloke and put him to work.  I think Carnival should reconsider their policy in this situation. Not everyone is related to the rest of their travel party. It has needless to say left a sour taste in my mouth. I may reconsider traveling with Carnival in the future once my September cruise is done.

John Says:
Hello Brycen Edwards

I was very sorry to read about your father’s illness during the cruise and I hope that he is well now. Obviously I have no idea as to the circumstances and what insurance you had or did not have. However, I thank you for your email me and I will make sure that someone who will be in contact with you very soon. Once again I hope your father is doing better now.

Best wishes to all.
John

Linda Forshee Asked:
Hi John,

Just a quick question. We are going on the Carnival Ecstasy on the Oct 31 what night will they have the Halloween costume party. We were on it last year and it was a blast. See you Nov.14th in Galveston

John Says:
Hello Linda

Halloween has become a huge event at Carnival over the past few years and it will be again this year across the fleet. There will be the parade and all the usual events on the Carnival Ecstasy on the 31st and it will be literally……a scream. I wish you a brilliant time and hope to see you in Texas.

Best wishes.
John

James Keesler Asked:
We are taking our 17th Carnival cruise October 7 on Carnival Magic. We will be celebrating 30 years of marriage and also a birthday (78th) on this cruise.  We want it to be a cruise to remember. How about arranging something nice for us? Just to let us know that Carnival does indeed care about their loyal patrons. Guess you will not be the CD on this cruise. We were looking forward to sailing with you. Oh well, James should be fine. Oh we will be in cabin 1279.

John Says:
Hello James Keesler

We really do care about all our customers and I will be happy to send you something to celebrate. James will do a brilliant job and I am sorry I cannot be with you. Please leave a note at the guest service desk when you get onboard and there will be something delivered to your cabin. Have a brilliant time.

Best wishes.
John

Pixie56 Asked:
Like you, I am obese but I think I have grown to accept this and I think you should as well and you should stop putting yourself down and making fat jokes about yourself and just accept that you are what you are and that is obese. I think you will be much happier. I do have some questions John. I am worried about wanting to go down the slides on the Carnival Dream. Will I be able to and will I be able to keep a T-shirt on because I don’t have a bathing suit. I also need a table for two and chairs at dinner that has no arms, my DH also as we are both 350 pounds plus. My other question is that I heard that Carnival now delivers pizza to the cabins and I wanted to know if there was charge for this. We are so excited to be going on the cruise. It’s our first and the honeymoon we never had three years ago when we were married because of financial problems. Our cabin number for the cruise on Dream on 08/20/11 is 8341.

Thank you John

John Says:
Hello Pixie56

Let me start by saying thanks so much for your concern. I realise that my current weight is too much and I am on a diet and losing weight slowly and feeling good about myself that I am, thanks again for taking the time to think of me. I have asked the maitre d to request a table for two for you and we will have the chairs without arms. We do not deliver pizza to the cabins but it is available 24 hours on Lido deck 10. I think I already answered this question a few weeks ago now I come to think of it but if not I am glad I got to it before you cruise. I wish you both a brilliant time.

Best wishes.
John

Willis O. Asked:
Hey John,

Why is there only two cruise dates for the Panama Canal, and why can’t Carnival have a ship with balconies to sail through?

John Says:
Hello Willis O

There is no doubt that the Panama Canal cruises are really popular and every time we reposition a vessel from coast to coast, we try to do this. On this occasion it’s the Fantasy-class ships that are able to do this and they do indeed have limited balconies. We have also had the Spirit-class ships do the voyage and they of course have more balconies. The other ships are too big for the canal. Thanks Willis and I hope you get to experience the Panama Canal voyage soon.

Best wishes.
John

Karen Williams Asked:
Hello John,

I am booked to take the European 12 day cruise for October 2011. Since we are going to so many amazing locations, I wanted to have my passport stamped as a great way to have memories of the trip. How can I do that?

John Says:
Hello Karen Williams

The sad thing is that as we are going to mostly European Union countries they no longer have borders so there will be no need to show passports and therefore you can’t get it stamped. The only exception to this is if your cruise includes Dubrovnik, Croatia, which is not part of the EU and therefore they need to see everyone’s passport as you leave the ship and if you ask them they will for the most part, stamp it for you. I promise you a wonderful time.

Best wishes.
John

Rocca Asked:
John,

Coming up on our seven Carnival cruise and have never had a table for two always with other passengers some nice some morons so now I think we deserve our table for two for the Carnival Imagination September 2, cabin E71.

John Says:
Hello Rocca

I have asked the maitre d on the Carnival Imagination to help you with this request and I hope you have a brilliant time on your seventh Carnival cruise. Best wishes to you both.

John

Wally Cronin Asked:
My family and I sailed on the Carnival Magic last week. Please thank the entire crew for the incredible trip we had. The ability to see the Coliseum, the Vatican, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Pompeii, Monte Carlo and so much more while enjoying most of what the ship has to offer was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Especially worth mentioning were the cabin stewards for 10264, who did a wonderful job of keeping our room fresh and keeping us up to date on what was going on onboard. Our headwaiter Freddie and his staff were always there to serve and assist. Their food and wine suggestions were always on the mark. Alexandra did a fantastic job of making our kids feel special during the past guest’s reception. As for the ship’s amenities: The sky course was my 12-year-old son’s favorite. My daughter loved the poolside movies. My wife loved the general level of pampering she received. It’s a tossup between the RedFrog Pub and the cabin’s balcony for me. The RedFrog has a great atmosphere but there’s nothing quite like sipping a cold drink in the moonlight and watching the stars on the water. We had a marvelous time. Thank you again to the entire Magic crew for making it happens.

Wally Cronin

John Says:
Hello Wally Cronin

This is a great review and I thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. I promise to make sure everyone you mentioned gets to see this and I know they will be thrilled. I have no fears in saying that I think Carnival Magic is simply…….our best ship yet. My best wishes to you and your family.

John

That’s all for today.

Well just for a change it’s time to talk about food………oh FFS!

Let’s start with a request for the fantastic recipe we use here at the Cucina del Capitano for the spaghetti carbonara. Here it is.

 After all the concern and worry about the new menus it seems that for the most part they have been met with much praise and if not praise then understanding and an acceptance not to judge until tasted which is, of course, the sensible approach. But there has been a lot of praise as I said and some questions. One of those questions is about what menu is served on the Carnival Freedom and other ships that have eight-day cruises. So to answer that, here is the eight-day menu from the new rotation:

Now, let’s stop talking about food shall we and move onto what happened to me yesterday……. and it’s not very nice.

I had a terrible nightmare last night. I was in the hospital waiting room. The wind was gusting outside throwing heavy rain against the window. A gorgeous Latvian nurse had just left the room having told me that Doctor Longfinger was just checking a few things. She had done her best to look like nothing was wrong but I could tell something was. A large brass clock on the wall ticked away the seconds and the minutes.

Then suddenly the Doctor Longfinger appeared.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr Heald,” said with an accent that was pure New York. He was carrying a large brown file with my name written on it and he didn’t look happy at all to see me.

His expression was a gloomy as the weather outside and I hoped that was because he was worried about the economy or if his wife would find out that he was having rumpy pumpy with the Latvian nurse. He was a large man himself, not fat like me but tall and wide and, well a little chubby and he had a sort of hunch………bloody hell, he looked like Calvyn.

He coughed nervously, never a good sign. “I just wanted to make sure I was seeing this correctly,” and as he said this he took a seat next to me.”I wish I had better news for you.”

I turned back to look at the rain thrashing against the window. “Mr. Heald, are you still with me?” asked Doc Longfinger.

I just didn’t know what to say so I turned to him and said the first thing I could think of, “Am I buggered, doc?”

With that Doctor Longfinger opened the brown file and pulled out an X-ray and pointing to a large object he said “It’s Pandalus Borealis Anus.” And with treatment it can be made bearable and with surgery there is a small possibility of survival. If you don’t have surgery…… then you will die.  It was hard to believe that this was it, the end of the road. I always imagined it would be something a bit bigger like a climbing wall landing on my head, or an angry Cruise Critic member having me whacked. But it wasn’t, it was Pandalus Borealis Anus.

I looked at Doctor Longfinger and trying to hold back the tears, I simply said, “What is Pandalus Borealis Anus?”

The doctor ran his fingers through his hair, removed his glasses, looked me in the eyes and said. “You’ve got a shrimp cocktail lodged up your arse.”

And that’s when I woke up……………..screaming.

Goodnight

Your friend
John

It seems to be the law that cruise ship crew all want to learn how to dive. All my friends I have made over the years have and the youngsters that make up the crew of today seem to be carrying on that tradition…….but not me. It involves being underwater, where years of evolution have decided that human beings are not supposed to be, so I have for the most part been a “above the surface” kind of guy.

Many of you diving people will think that I am a big girls blouse but that’s not true because I’ve seen Finding Nemo and because back when I was slightly less sinkable I did try a Beginning Scuba Excursion…….in Cozumel…..and I hated every bloody minute of it.

I remember it began in a pool. The problem was that I’m not even a particularly strong swimmer, so why I agreed to do this, I have no idea…….I think it was because a dancer called Tracy was going and she had two huge flotation devices.

Anyway, my swimming style is not exactly graceful and while I desperately try and keep the water of my face the rest of me is thrashing around like someone has just thrown a television in there. In short, I naturally take to water like a Judge Judy at a beauty pageant, yet there I was at the Blue Angel dive resort, a young 25-year-old CD surrounded by fit men called Jose and Jose B, loads of strange looking diving thingies and Tracy’s humongous flotation devices.

I remember the first thing he made us all do was float unaided for 10 minutes and while we were doing this a rubber shark drifted by. This is apparently diving humour. Then they gave us a big book to study, which is full of important information about how not to die, then you undertake a series of dives in a pool, to get you used to both the notion of being underwater and the rubber shark. Then there’s an exam, to prove you’ve learned the theory of how not to die, and then we were off for the open water part of the excursion, where the sharks are no longer rubber and the pool is 3,000 miles long and 17,890 feet deep………….or the Caribbean Sea as this big pool is often called.

On the boat they show me how to kit up by attaching twisty thingies to tubey thingies. I looked around me and many of my colleagues and the passengers from (the Ecstasy I think) had dive watches and their own snorkel, mask and fins. All I had was a mild case of the runs.

I remember trying to play for time by adjusting my metal thingies and twisty thingies over and over again while as I minced around my mates all jumped off the back of the boat into the water and disappeared. Then I jump in with Tracy and panic sets in.

“What are you DOING,” I think to myself.  “You’re underwater! Get out! Get OUT! Get back upstairs immediately.”  I tried to grab Tracy’s flotation devices but all that got me was a fin in the bollocks as she dove into the depths.

Jose and the crew had dropped a rope line from the boat which I clung onto as though my life depends on it, which, frankly in my mind it bloody well did. Jose B meanwhile is shouting instructions to me in Mexicaglish “put your masko backo ono and clearo it of watero using your noseo.”

I then got confused even more…….was I supposed to take the breathey thing out of my mouth and then put it and what do I do now and is that a shark and I don’t want to die and those bubbles are not from my respirator they are from my arse.

The problem is you can’t speak with a mask on so all divers communicate by hand signals and as I thrashed around in the water I looked like I was trying to play a demented game of charades. Then Jose started to point to my nose and then my ears and I remembered the lesson by the pool about doing something called “equalizing my ears”……. because, if you forget to do that, then the pressure makes your ears hurt even more than if you were listening to Lady Ga Ga.

I had dreamed of swimming graciously through jaw-dropping multi-coloured shoals of fish and discovering treasure on an old ship wreck. But…….I hated it. I would rather put my thingy in the mouth of a lion that hasn’t eaten for three weeks than ever go diving again. My eyes were stinging, my breathing sounded like an asthmatic hamster, my ears ached and I had ruined a pair of underwear and left a brown trail in the Caribbean that probably would have pissed off the environmentalists if they had been invented back then. The things us men will do…………………… for breasts!

Time for today’s questions……….off we go.

Cheryl K Asked:
JOHN PLEASE REPLY when you can.

I’ve been reading daily but haven’t posted in awhile. It was great to hear from Jaime yesterday too. She mentioned South America and I was thinking about it this week myself since it was a year ago we all sailed on that great adventure. They had a segment on Nightline this week about the penguins in Punta Tombo, Argentina and that was the excursion we did in Puerta Madryn. It was so awesome to walk with 250,000 penguins! But the whole cruise was spectacular and the crew like family after 31 days together.

I do hope that Heidi and Kye arrive safely. I’m sure they will both be exhausted and a bit off their schedules for a few days so be patient. I did love your story about the trip to Wal-Mart.

The Aida ship is lovely but I have to say that I am most excited about my coming cruise on the Carnival Dream 4/3/2010. I will be traveling with my daughter and her husband and my grandchildren and my best friend is also going. I don’t know if Ken will be back yet, but we would love to be in his dining room if you could please request this for me. I am most excited about this cruise because after 85 days at sea with Carnival I will finally make Platinum and I can’t wait for that card with my name on it! I have created future cruisers with the grandchildren as now every time they have a holiday from school they think Grandma should be taking them on a Carnival cruise. I know that you will be getting off the ship the day we get on but if at all possible, I would love to meet you to say hello (Heidi and Kye too but I think you indicated they were only going to be with you a month). We will be embarking early since we are coming to Florida a day early this trip.

Thank you John for brightening my days with smiles and laughter with your blog. Oh, and will Al Ernst be on our cruise? Too many questions I know.

Cheryl

John Says:
Hello Cheryl

I have had so many people tell me what stunning scenery they witnessed during the Carnival Splendor‘s South American voyage and I wish I had been there to share it with you. Heidi and Kye have been and gone which shows yet again how far behind I am with the questions that need answering. You will soon be here on your Carnival DreamDre and I know you will have a great time. Ken will not be here as he will be joining the Carnival Legend. You will though meet the two Maitre D’s here Ante and Klaudio who are both brilliant and I will ask them to make sure you are all seated together. The Platinum card will look and feel so special and I hope you enjoy all the benefits it brings. Unfortunately I will be leaving on March 20 now and heading for the Carnival Conquest so we won’t be able to meet. The good news is that our 344th best comedian Al Ernst is indeed scheduled to perform at the Carnival Comedy club so you are promised some great fun with him. I am so glad you enjoy the blog and I wish you and the family a wonderful cruise

Best wishes
John

Shalaine Rostomily Asked:
Hello John,

First of all I have to say you made our 1/30-2/6 Carnival Dream cruise an amazing experience. Your honest and hilarious humor was a lot of what we told our family and friends about. On a separate note (and the reason for my message) I need to ask you assistance with something because I have no idea how else to go about getting an answer. I was Gloria Estefan in the Carnival Legends show on Friday, February 5. I got home and went to watch my complimentary DVD (thanks by the way) and was very disappointed. I couldn’t hear any of the performances because the sound was distorted and horrible. I don’t know if it was just the DVD dubbing or an actual recording issue but was hoping I could attempt to get a new DVD sent to me. It was a wonderful memory and I was hoping to be able to watch it down the road. I appreciate any response or direction that you may have for me. We can’t wait for our next cruise!

Thanks,
Shalaine

John Says:
Hello Shalaine

I am so sorry about this and I will send this to our head office and see if we can get you another copy. That is such a shame and I will do all I can to try and replace this. Thanks for the kind words and thanks for being part of our Carnival Legends show. I will be in touch soon

Best wishes
John

musingsofjustjon Asked:
John – PLEASE REPLY

Actually, I am more a fan of Rome, Florence, sea day, sea day, Malaga, sea day, Funchal, then seven sea days, but hey, we can’t have every cruise be the Carnival Splendor’s transatlantic crossing.

Right now, we are in the middle of our second major snow storm in a week – we got 22 inches over the weekend (Feb 5/6) and have gotten another 18 inches or so yesterday and today.

Can I please have a free cruise to anywhere south of Charleston SC? Please – I will even pick up your underwear in return (with proper hazmat gear, of course).

Give our regards to Heidi and kiss Kye for me.

Best regards,
MissingthesmokefreeparadisebutlookingforwardtothenearlysmokefreeCarnivalDream

John Says:
Hello MissingthesmokefreeparadisebutlookingforwardtothenearlysmokefreeCarnivalDream

(used copy and paste……sorry)

I can only imagine the weather you have been through these last weeks and once again a skeptic may be forced to climb to the top of the funnel and shout “global warming my arse.”

I hope that you and Mrs. MissingthesmokefreeparadisebutlookingforwardtothenearlysmokefreeCarnivalDream  have thawed out a bit and that it won’t be long before you are basking in the Caribbean car sunshine on one of our fun for all ships.

Best wishes to you both
John

Vanessa C Asked:
Hi John, Please Reply =)

I have been a long time reader of the blog thingy and I enjoy every single one! Especially when I go on vacation and have lots of reading to do when I get home! =)

I don’t normally leave comments on blog – I just like to see what everyone else has to say – but I thought I would give you my two cents. This is in regards to people asking for stuff. When bloggers like Sandi send something like she was requesting, or when an active reader asks for a favor, that does not bother me at all. What does get under my skin are the people whose request say something along the lines of “John, I read somewhere that you take requests. I want XYZ my booking info is 123. Thanks” and then they never continue reading.

I personally hate asking for stuff – even when it’s being offered to me – that’s just the way I was raised… Thanks for all that you do for everyone John! I know that we all appreciate it! =)

Hugs to your girls!
Vanessa C.

John Says:
Hello Vanessa C

I know that for the most part the people who ask me for help do so in a pleasant and respectful way. I also know that there are going to be a few who ask in the ways you described in your posting. I take it all on the chin and hopefully these folks will appreciate what I do for them. Rudeness is something I cannot abide but it is unfortunately part of the world we live in. Now, on a happier note thanks for taking the time to post and you are most welcome to do so as often as you like. It is great to hear from you. Thanks for the kind words and I hope you continue to enjoy the blog thingy.

Best wishes
John

Marty Paul Asked:
Hi John (reply, if you have time),

Just a quick note…I was sitting on my back patio smoking a type of cigar that starts with “C” and ends in an “N”…that’s right, a Caribbean cigar, anyway another idea popped in my head. Just wanted to share it with you and if you feel it worthy, please pass on to the mean with beards in Miami.

O.K., someday Carnival decides to build a U.S. flag cruise ship (like the Pride of America, except not as butt-ugly). Ship is built at NASSCO in San Diego (more than capable yard). After being built, Carnival can now base the ship out of Honolulu and run 7, 8, 9 day Hawaiian cruises, without leaving the islands. Here’s a “twist” to the idea- intermittently, Carnival repositions the ship to SF *of course, sailing w/passengers on the repositioning cruises), and then sails out of SF for awhile, both northbound (Portland, Seattle) and southbound (LA, SD). Then, returns the ship back to Honolulu again.

I had previously submitted another Hawaiian idea involving moving the Carnival Legend. Anyway, I recommend that the new ship based out of Honolulu be named the Carnival L’ale’ai (“L’ale’ai” being the Hawaiian word for fun).

If the idea is used, no payment necessary, except for a suite on the inaugural sailing with Megan Fox as my suite-mate. And based on her Super Bowl commercial, please ensure the suite has a bathtub…

Aloha,
Marty Paul

John Says:
Hello Marty Paul

I want some of what you have been smoking. Any idea that involves Megan Fox and a bath tub is an excellent one and thanks for sharing it. I have sent your thoughts (minus the smoking the palm tree bit) to Terry our SVP who decides where we sail to and from. I know you are passionate about Hawaii and therefore keep the ideas coming because ………….you never know.

Best wishes……………mon.
John

Paul Asked:
Hi John, (please reply)

First of all, congrats on the new addition to the family. My wife and I had our first son in July. Well my wife had him, my job was done 10 months prior. Being a Dad is something incredible isn’t it?

Anyways, that leads me to my question, my wife and son and I are sailing on the Liberty on May 8 for our first family cruise, I am wondering… will the stewards have a pack n play in the room knowing his age (10 months) and the same for the dining room and high chairs? Or do we need to make arrangements. We’re also debating whether or not to bring our own for a comfort level. We’ll see.

Another question, I’ve read conflicting reports about how we pack water bottles / soda, whether it be carry on or checked. See, my issue arises from our ‘reasonable amount’ would be more than most since we would be making our formula with bottled water (like we have since his birth) so a few bottles won’t last the 7 days, and well carrying a case or 2 on might be quite the work out. I sure hope this will be OK, is there away (if not) to notify somebody?

Any help is much appreciated. Thanks again John.

John Says:
Hello Paul

Thanks for the kind words and many congratulations to you and your wife on the birth of your son. As you said, being a Dad is incredible and I am loving every moment of it……… apart from now when she is so far away from me.

The ship will see that you have a young one sailing and your stateroom steward will have a cot ready to go which they will fold up during the day for you. I will make sure the ship has this ready just to make sure plus I will ask the dining room to have a high chair for you. Now you can buy bottled water on board. The brand we use is called Crystal Geyser which has no sodium and that’s what Heidi used as well for Kye when she was here. You can bring your own for the baby. Just an FYI on that, the security may open a few to make sure it is water…….and not Smirnoff! Seriously though, if you don’t mind carrying this with you it is fine. Don’t forget that you can get boiled water 24 hours a day from Lido Deck10 or from room service.

I hope this helps and please let me know if you need anything else before you sail.

Best wishes to you all
John

hostmach Asked:
John, if you ever catch up… please respond.

After seeing the beautiful AIDAblu today I was reminded of any number of threads on Cruise Critic about the next generation of Carnival cruise ships. As you well know, a great many folks love the ’smaller’ ships the size of the Fantasy Class and the Spirit Class has a HUGE following. Many have asked if Carnival would consider smaller ships again. Good question. My response is most often the ‘economy of scales’ thing… bigger holds more, produces more revenue for just little more investment and operating expense than smaller. Still, it’s an excellent question.

What’s the latest word about the 2010 Blogger’s Cruise… hummmmmmmm?

All the best, my friend!!!

Ciao!
Host Mach

John Says:
Hello Host Mach

I think that as always Mach you have hit the nail on the head. I don’t see us building smaller ships right now for all the reasons you mentioned above. That’s why Carnival has invested millions in the rejuvenation of the Fantasy-class ships and with the superb quality of the Spirit class ships they to still offer so very much and it’s no surprise to hear that they are a favourite with many. Maybe the Spirit-class will eventually benefit from upgrades as the Fantasy class did, you never know.

Best wishes to you and Stitch
John

Monica B. Asked:
Hi John (PLEASE REPLY)

I have been a blog “lurker” since it first started (huge CCL fan) but I haven’t felt compelled to comment until today. I just got off the Imagination for my Bachelorette cruise (2/5/10 sailing). It was my 11th CCL cruise and I will be sailing on 3/7/10 on the Victory out of San Juan for my HONEYMOON!! Now, while I had a BLAST this past weekend… I must say things were SO different onboard.

“Elegant” Night is definitely NOT the same as Formal Night. While some people hate dressing up, I for one love it because it gives us the chance to get all dolled up when we normally do not have a chance to do so. It is a special night and it’s a shame that it went from being “formal” with men in tuxes and women in beautiful gala gowns to just “elegant” which really means short dresses you can wear to the pool. To me formal night is one of the most special things about cruising. Please tell the “beards” to give us back our *FORMAL* NIGHTS!

Like I said, I have been sailing with CCL since 1999 and back then cruises were VERY different. As long as I’m writing, I would like to share with you some other observations that I’m just saddened by. Captain’s Night. It’s no longer a cocktail reception; in fact there was no mention of it at all. No free drinks, no hors d’ouvres, no captain. This is terrible. Another great “cruise” thing to look forward to that is now just a memory.

Yet another thing missing– past guest receptions. Not what they used to be. It went from an awesome cocktail party in the evening with drinks and food to just some reception awkwardly placed in the middle of the afternoon when most people were too busy at the pool to attend. (Guessing this was done on purpose). Dinner is not what it used to be either, I remember having filet mignon and beef tenderloin as options even on the shorter cruises, nowadays not so much. But there is “mac n’ cheese” available on the menu as a side dish– which really belongs at a fast food restaurant– no matter how delicious it is, it takes away from the elegance of dining in the nice restaurant. Also, the drinks were just all re-priced and the daily specials for example which used to be available for $6.95 are now $7.50. I understand it is all about cutting costs but please realize that the only thing you are doing by cutting all the fancy extras and jacking up drink prices is alienating the guests who have sailed for so long and look forward to the same amazing CCL experience every time. I understand that cruise prices are less expensive than other lines, and only by reducing “extras” and charging more for drinks can CCL offer such low cruise prices… but think of the crowds you are attracting with “low, low pricing.” Even the crowd of guests has shifted… the overall feeling of elegant and refined cruising is gone. It feels as if everything has been “dumbed” down. Even the commercials shown today are not up to par with what CCL used to be.

Please John, share these points of view with the men and women “upstairs”…while many may not be on my same page and may suggest that “if I want elegance I should look to another line” I have sailed one other line before. One cruise. Never again. CCL is my favorite and I don’t see why I should give up my favorite cruise line which USED to be everything I looked for.

I don’t want to end this on a negative note, I must say the CREW is as FABULOUS as ALWAYS! We were treated like queens the entire trip. Our waiter and cabin steward were two of the most wonderful people we have ever sailed with. A huge kudos to the staff of the Imagination which was absolutely AMAZING!

I love the blog John… keep up the hard work and don’t worry too much about having the girls with you on board, I’m sure it will go over wonderfully! Thank you for taking the time out to listen to me (and all of us who come to you with our daily rants!)

Monica

John Says:
Hello Monica

Thanks so much for your honest review and I hope you had a great bachelorette party. I now that we have made some changes to the Elegant Night that have been unpopular with some. I know I should defend it and while we have taken the free drinks and moved them to the last sea day I have to admit that I have seen attendance fall somewhat. I will certainly bring this up to the people at the top and in my opinion……..and remember …… this is just my opinion……I think we need to re-think this event and do what we can to make it better. I don’t think though it’s about the free drinks, it certainly shouldn’t be. What it should be about is an unforgettable evening that gives the people the choice to dress up……or not. So we need to look at locations and structure and certainly without exception the captain should be there to greet his guests.

Thanks for your thoughts on this and I will certainly go to bat for you and the many other people who agree with what you wrote.

Best wishes and thanks for your loyalty to carnival. Oh yes……make sure you remind me one month before you sail on your Honeymoon cruise.

John

Shenika M. Asked:
Dear John (Please Reply),

I live about 30-45 minutes away from Baltimore and of course that means I’m in the area that experienced the “Snowmageddon” with 25 inches of snow this past weekend. As I type it’s actually snowing again (just what we need more snow on top of snow) and all this snow has resulted in one thing. My friends and I have decided that we will be booking my Carnival Dream for the 12/11/10 sailing as a celebration for my 27th Birthday which falls on the first sea day. We will be visiting Isla Roatan this time around and I have a question regarding reservations of the cabanas in Mahogany Bay. Is there any way to reserve a cabana prior to your sail date or must it be done once on board? Thank you in advance and I love the blog thingy.

Best wishes to you, Heidi and Kye
Shenika

John Says:
Hello Shenika

I hope by now that the snow has melted and that the anticipation for your Carnival Dream cruise is building. The cabanas at Mahogany Bay are gorgeous and you can indeed reserve one on line at carnival.com Here is the link thingy.

http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionDetails.aspx?region=CW&portcode=RTN&excursionname=Beach+Cabana+Rental&excursioncode=518048

Please let me know if you need anything else and thanks for all the kind words.

Best wishes
John

Geri & Jack Asked:
Hello John (Please reply)

We have just returned from the C Liberty and what a wonderful cruise we had. It was our first cruise as Platinum and Carnival treated us so well with all the perks that Platinum guests get. We were thrilled beyond belief. Well worth getting that 9th trip in.

C Liberty was our choice for our Platinum. We have been on the Splendor 3x, Dream 2x, Freedom 3x and Valor 1x. The C Liberty is a grand ship and has a fine crew.

Question: Will the C Magic becoming to NYC or the USA at all after the Med trips next year? We sure hope so. When will you know?

Thank you and enjoy your cruise with your family. You all deserve it. Love your blog.
Cheers!

John Says:
Hello Gerri and Jack

I am so glad you enjoyed your Carnival Liberty cruise and those tremendous Platinum perks. The Carnival Magic is as you know spending the season in Europe and she will then for sure return to the States. Where……nobody knows or if they do they are not telling me. I will send an SOS message out to our super spy PA 007 who will keep his or her eyes and ears open to see what he (or she) can find out. Keep checking the blog thingy and hopefully I will be able to tell you all soon.

Best wishes to you both
John

That’s all for today and there will be more Q and A tomorrow.

Just before I continue here for all of you who love the Piano Bar entertainers (hi Laura) is the updated schedule with the dates these great performers leave their respective vessels.

SP Peter Brenner 03/11/10

VI Josh Tuckman 03/14/10

IM Robert Stiel 04/09/10

VA Larry Maconaghy 04/18/10

FS Bruce McGhie 05/01/10

FD Greg Gallello 05/02/10

EC Lorraine Ingle 05/10/10

FA Richard Canter 05/15/10

LE Milburn Dumas 05/30/10

SL Steve Brisley 05/30/10

MI Duane Lewis 05/31/10

TI Peter Rossetti 05/31/10

IS Colin Kadey 06/05/10

GL Jason Davis 06/05/10

PR Roger Concepcion 06/13/10

PA Jordan Heppner 06/14/10

LI Brad Alexander 06/19/10

SE Tom Riccio 06/20/10

DR Barry Miller 06/26/10

EL Michael Lee Smith 07/03/10

CQ Jason Martin 07/18/10

DE Bill Barclay TBA

Once again my thanks to all of the above who give our guests so much fun and enjoyment each and every day.

Well Belize was hot and sunny but with 6 ships at anchor including the Carnival Miracle and Carnival Glory it was a busy one tender wise. We had a gap of about 25 minutes when we had no tenders at all and overall it required the guests on all ships to have a huge dollop of patience.

This is the one port more than any where I suggest guests take an excursion as quite honestly downtown Belize City is…….ummmm…….well……it’s not oozing charm ……….. let’s just say that many of the guests listened to my advice and close to 2,000 went to the Ultan Xa ruins, cave tubing, cruising down the River Wallace and enjoyed remarkable snorkeling over the barrier reef that surrounds the island.

It seemed to me that following the missed call in Roatan on Tuesday that the guests were really anxious to get ashore and despite the patience needed for the tendering operation they all had a great time. I wonder what the other guests do though. Some have a private excursion but what do the rest do. Well, I checked the security pass system at 1 pm and it showed that 1,377 guests were onboard so I guess that answers that question. I know many like the ship when most guests are ashore and I can understand why. Of course ……… free food has nothing to do with it……….does it?

And today we are in Costa Maya……hallelujah……we are in Costa Maya. As I mentioned in a previous blog this port has a very exposed pier and windy conditions will guarantee that you won’t dock. So, this morning at 6:30 am I was on the bridge watching Captain Marino use all the mighty power of the ship’s thrusters to push against the 20 knots of wind and get us alongside. It was touch and go but we made it and after missing Roatan I am very happy to be here………if not……..I would had to have walked around the ship wearing a cup for the rest of the cruise.

But here we are and here are some random photos of the view from deck 5 forward which with blogs to write, 107 e-mails in my in my CD e mail thingy and 51 on my other account………. is the closest thing I am going to get to seeing Costa Maya.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all………as I have to let a member of my staff go. Now obviously I cannot go into details but I can tell you that this person has had plenty of chances, probably more than they deserved but I wanted to, I was determined to change this person……but I failed. When you relieve a person from a job on land, they pack a box, call a cab and go home. On a ship it’s very different. You have to pack not a box but one or two suitcases and you don’t hop in a cab……..you have to fly home ………  sometimes and in this case………a flight which will last this person 8 hours. That’s a long time to reflect on what you have done.

I shall be doing this face to face of course, taking my time to explain why and making sure I have one of my supervisors there as a witness……..just in case. I read recently how a company in Pennsylvania fired all 75 of their employees by e-mail! There have also been “techno-dumping” of partners as well……..remember the lady from last cruise who received a text telling her that her boyfriend of 7 months never wanted to see her again? Phil Collins once famously let his second wife, know about the end of their marriage by fax, while Britney Spears made him look positively romantic by dumping Kevin Federthingy………… by text message.

OK, you may be too scared to face the wrath of a woman who you have been having rumpy pumpy with ……..hence the text…………but surely ……is it ever OK to fire someone by e-mail? I guess there is the simple but important difference that it is much harder to fire someone than to dump someone. I hate the way in which The Apprentice presents an unrealistic picture of how easy it is to fire someone as he and that hair point that finger and say “You’re fired.” In real life…………it isn’t anything like that.

In the real world, unless someone has tied themselves naked to the smokestack or attempted to snort cocaine off the captain’s forehead, it is virtually impossible to fire people without first proffering a series of verbal and written warnings and the ships are no different.

This is because people are not generally recruited and managed by electronic means and should therefore not be fired that way but a large amount of seduction and flirtation does now happen over computers and phones.

Indeed, e-mail relationship terminations are becoming commonplace: according to a survey, 15 percent of Britons say they have been dumped by text or e-mail. Furthermore, it was recently decided in Malaysia that a man could divorce his wife with a text message. The Government’s adviser on religious affairs argued that, provided the message was unambiguous, it was valid under Sharia because texting was just another type of writing.

I could never fire anyone by e-mail and I would hope that when Carnival finally realizes that I am an idiot and decides to fire me that someone would do it in person…..not by e-mail. And I shall extend that courtesy to this 24 year old tomorrow who I have to send home. The person in question is a non-United States citizen which means they has to be escorted to the airport and will receive their passports only when they get to the airport. I tried helping this person……but as I said I failed and amongst all the fun and laughter of our last day at sea tomorrow there will be a 24-year-old who probably won’t be smiling and will probably spend the rest of their life hating me and the company I work for.

Now that’s really weird……as I am writing this blog to you I have www.grooveshark.com playing random songs. This is a fabulous site that has millions of songs for free. Now I think you are supposed to down up or sideways load them to your Eye Pod but as I don’t know how to do that I just listen to the music.

Playing as I write today’s bollocks is a selection of 80′s pop tunes and what memories they bring back. Music is great for that…..bringing back memories……. I remember what was playing during my first kiss, my first car crash and my first kiss that caused a car crash, but there is only one song that reminds me of my mate Alan and me putting make up on each other……..Karma Karma Karma Chameleon.  We had made our excursion into the netherworld of lipsticks, powders and paints in honour of Boy George and Culture Club. We were going to a party and thought that looking like Boy George would get us some girls. We were wrong. I mean of course we were wrong. We had skimmed over the fact that Boy George himself didn’t like girls and moved onto the fact that we were being brave and fun and girls liked fun…….no they didn’t………they thought we were gay!

Remember “Stinking Creek” the 78 year old man called Willard from the welcome aboard show? Well, he has turned into something of a cult hero here and has been signing autographs and taking photos and his stardom reached new heights last night when I choose him to be part of the bedtime story. He is some images taken from the TV camera (apologies for the quality) of him, Mary and Dastardly………it was a fun night.

I have been hiding the words “Stinking Creek” in the Capers each day so that guests can try…..BUGGER……sodding Fun Times John…..Fun Times ! Anyway, I have been hiding the words “Stinking Creek” in the FT’s as we are all calling them and guests have had fun trying to find where I had written them. They have been subtle……up until tomorrow.

And I want to leave you today with this comment from the incident report

Guest: Ms ……….Ref: 846008435A
Cabin: ____ Booking#: ____Added-Changed: 03/10/10 – 03/11/10

NEEDS TO CHANGE DINNER TABLES
Guest came to the GSD to say that she and her friend wanted a different dining assignment. Ms_____ said the people they were seated with were disgusting. GSA asked what she meant guest stated that they ate a lot of their food with their hands and licked their fingers. Guest also said they made loud noises when they ate and they felt sick. Tasked to Maitre D who will assign new table

Reading this my obvious thought was maybe they were from a culture where eating with hands was part of everyday life……..nope……..they were American……..in their forties ………from the mighty state of Ohio. They were just normal people.

I do sympathize with Ms. Disgusted though. Licking your fingers after sitting in an elegant restaurant and eating with your hands. Is this really necessary? That’s why God invented a napkin. Unless you’re at a Bar B Q, there’s no reason to lick your fingers. And even at a Bar-B-Q, if you’re over the age of ten, it’s questionable.

Maybe we need to add some of these rules to the bottom of the menu, just after the Spa healthy stuff.  On behalf of our President and CEO Mr. Gerry Cahill we kindly inform all guests that slurping, chomping, eating with hands, licking fingers, nose-picking, farting and French kissing is strictly forbidden while eating dinner…………and if Heidi were here she would add this to the list “Anyone found using their Blackberry during dinner will have a breadstick inserted in their bottom.”

Goodnight
Your friend
John

However……….I missed my mate Ken Byrne, maitre d of the Carnival Splendor and our talk about………. “the craic.”

The “craic” is very popular Irish phrase as popular in the Emerald Isle as “OMG” or “LOL” is online. I remember Ken once telling me though how much “Irish Pubs” that are outside of Ireland itself make him laugh. You find these pubs everywhere from Aruba to New Zealand.

To walk into one of these pubs “and there is not a single pub in Ireland remotely like them,” said Ken is to walk into an Ireland that only exists in the mind of the tourist. I guess it’s about turning Ireland into Disneyland, where everyone drinks so much Guinness that their liver is as hard as the Blarney Stone, wear large shamrocks in their lapels and can be found singing drunken versions of Danny Boy.

Anyway………..happy St .Patrick’s Day to you all……….now let me get on and tell you The Craic.

Well, the moment has come once again and I shall today have to think about packing a suitcase and manhandling it to the tender in Belize and then to the airport. While Heidi is the Dwyane Wade of packing, I am the chap who has one shot from the half way line at halftime to win a million dollars and ends up hitting Marv Albert and knocking his wig off.

My natural tendency is to travel encumbered like an explorer, with tin-lined trunks full of shirts and suits, portable cigar humidors, photos in frames and my collection of 400 DVD’s.

This year I have decided that it will be different. I am taking a minimalist capsule wardrobe of two suits, two pairs of pants, a few socks and two pairs of underwear ………. after all…….I will be home in a week. And that’s it. The rest of my suitcases can remain here on the Carnival Valor. I have no idea if and when and how I will be able to retrieve them is anything thing but the thought of getting on a tender with three suitcases and then 12 hours of flying is something I just cannot face.

One thing I shall definitely not be packing is a piece of art I bought from the art auctioneers on board. It’s a piece by an artist called………ummmm……….can’t remember but the reason I bought it is because it is of something rather than one of those abstract artworks that look like Walt Disney just vomited over the canvas.

It’s of a beautiful lady smoking a big Havana cigar in the tobacco fields of what may be Cuba I think and it will go straight in my office at home. Hanging above my desk there already is a poster of the West Wing signed by all the actors (and how sad to learn of the death of Ron Silver who played Bruno Geaneli). In the bedroom there’s a painting of an Aston Martin DB6. In the sitting room is a painting of Southend on Sea’s coastline done by my relative Uncle John Rogers.

I hated art at school as I think I may have mentioned before but I always remember my art teacher Miss Melling because she told us about the great artists of the world ………….. but I remember very little because Miss Melling also had breasts the size of Rembrandt’s head. It could, therefore, be argued that I’m not the most qualified person in the world to talk about Vincent van Gogh but he is the one painter I remember from art class.

Vince never achieved any notoriety in his lifetime. Except in the village of Arles where he lived, and only there because he used to waddle about in the streets abusing people, catching diseases and cutting his ear off.

He spent months on each of his paintings and it’s hard to see why. All of them were sent to his brother Theo who managed to sell only one. And that wasn’t the blossoming almond tree which even I’m able to recognize is pretty good. “Very realistic,” as people with beards are prone to say. God knows what possessed Theo and his wife Jo to preserve these paintings when Vince finally shot himself in the chest. But they did and now they’re worth, oh, about the same as California.

Anyway, to avoid packing for at least another hour or so let me start to answer a long list of questions that have been marked for my reply……………..here we go.

CruisinSue Asked:
Hi John (Please reply)
I hope all is well with you. Great blog as usual.
As you already know, I along with my hubby and a couple of blog friends are booked on the Valor for March 29. I am curious to know if maybe Eddie Capone will be an entertainer for that sailing. As I have said in the past, he is my favorite comedian on CCL. I would like to see him again sometime.
Give my best to Heidi and keep the great blogs coming. I am sorry I won’t see you on the Valor, but I know you have a very important job to do and cannot be there. Take care and thanks in advance.
Gloria aka Sue

John Says:
Hello Gloria aka Sue
Great to hear from you and the good news is that yes indeed the unbelievable Eddie Capone will be a featured entertainer during your cruise. He will be performing during the welcome aboard show as well as having two late shows the following day. I am so very sorry that I will not be with you that week but I know you will have a fantastic cruise.
Best wishes to you and the family
John

Diane Wojda Asked:
Dear John, (please reply)
We are so sad that you will not be our cruise director on the Valor 3/22/09. I read your blog every night and really feel like we are already on our cruise. We love all the inside insight you give us. We would love to enjoy your humor in person some day. My niece is going to be starting with Carnival this summer as a social host. She is very excited, as we are for her. I know she will make an excellent addition to your staff. We were wondering what we need to do to reserve a table for just the three of us at the early seating. Our son (10 years old) is not much of a night owl and will never make it through a dinner starting after 8 pm. We try to go to dinner early and then a show – our son is a huge fan of your production shows. He is still talking about Ticket to Ride and Nightclub Express from the Fantasy in January of this year. So sorry once again that we are missing you on our cruise. Best wishes to you and Heidi and thingy!

John Says:
Hello Diane
Congratulations to your daughter first of all. I am sure she will be a valuable addition to the entertainment department and I am also sure she will have a fun-filled career. If she has any questions please have her drop me a note via the blog. I am also sorry I cannot be with you but I know you will have a terrific time and your 10 year old will be amazed at seeing Nightclub Express and Far From Over, our two big shows. I have asked the maitre d to make sure you have early sitting as requested but I will need your cabin number or surname as soon as possible please
Have a great cruise and thanks for all the wonderful kind words and my apologies that I cannot be with you
Cheers
John

Kaen and Bill Luddington Asked:
Hi John,
We were on the Valor Mar. 1st – 8th ‘09 (cabin 2427), and had a blast, as usual. Having connecting cabins with your Friends makes room for parties!
So good to see you again (met you in 1992), and to speak with you in the restaurant in Cozumel. But missed you before we left, did you get my envelope with our email addy?
Is the address listed on your blog page the one to send packages as well? (Some people have one for each…? don’t know why.) Please let me know as soon as possible so I can ship you three a little something.
Would love to see you and Heidi’s smile when you see it. The reason for this will apparent when you do. )
Do take care, hugs to you, Heidi, and ‘Thingy’.
Karen and Bill

John Says:
Hello Karen and Bill
It was great to see you again and next time invite me to your party, it sounds fun. I am so glad you had a great time and I did indeed receive the address. As for mine you can indeed send packages to the PO Box and how truly kind of you to think about sending a card. I hope we get to cruise together again very soon and I also hope you took home some brilliant memories of your cruise last week.
My best to you both
John

Erin W. Asked:
Hey John (Please Reply),
Its me again Erin W. (Celebrating my 30th in April with Butch and the Glory gang)…Anyway I am a Carnival Fun Day Sunday host (YEAH) and just watched your video on party central…In the video you say to click the link to enter to win a free cruise.. However I can’t find the link and several other people have posted they don’t see it either…Do you know where we can find it??
Also in one of your posts you mentioned that Butch may get transferred to the liberty – Does this mean I won’t have him for my birthday?

John Says:
Hello Erin
I am sure you are getting excited about the forthcoming Carnival Sunday Funday and I know it will be the best party ever. I have asked Stephanie to provide the link to the win a cruise thing and here it is.

Link isn’t up just yet, check www.houseparty.com/carnival for updates!

Butch is indeed now scheduled to take over the Carnival Liberty as cruise director which is a big reward fro his hard work and dedication. However, the exact date he is going to start is still very much undecided but as soon as I know I will make sure you know. Please keep reading the blog thingy and I can’t wait to hear all about your party.
Have fun and I send you and your family my best wishes
John

Bonnie Asked:
Hey John, great blog, has enjoyed it. We just got off the carnival victory sailing March 1 and it was wonderful, I do however want to know if it’s possible to get a drink recipe? Yes a drink recipe, we loved the raspberry sour drinks on the ship but forgot to ask how they were made. Can you help? Thanks a ton.

John Says:
Hello Bonnie
Glad you found the blog thingy and are enjoying it so much. I asked the bar manager for the recipe and it appears there are quite a few drinks made with raspberry sour. Here is the most popular one…..if this is not it let me know a specific name if you can. Hope you enjoy it ………….or them.
.05oz vodka

.05oz white tequila

.05oz white rum

.05oz raspberry liqueur

.05oz gin

2oz cola

2oz sweet & sour mix

Shake all ingredients except raspberry liqueur in a cocktail shaker with a bit of ice. Pour into a highball glass. Carefully layer the raspberry liqueur on top. Please drink responsibly……………well……….no more than eight
Cheers
John

Mark Chambliss Asked:
John, **please Reply**
Looks like I might miss you in Miami or Fort Lauderdale April 2nd-6th for Cruise3sixty at the convention center and shipboard too….Well if I don’t get to see you we would like to wish you and Heidi our best wishes for a smooth delivery and for a beautiful baby. Catelyn would love to baby-sit someday and we will look forward to your schedule afterwards and book a trip to see you.
We live 20 miles from the Alabama shooting that took place last week…what a bonehead!! I’m checking the HEAT schedule to see if they are playing April 2nd-6th while I’m down there. Any ticket connections down there?
Mark, Amanda and Catelyn

John Says:
Hello Mark
Thanks so much for the kind words and I am sorry I won’t get to see you in Miami for Cruise3Sixty in April. I was so sorry to read about the awful shooting in Alabama ……..sometimes the world is a crazy place. Thanks for the offer to baby-sit and its one I may very well take you up on. I wish I had Heat connections but I usually sit up in the nosebleed section myself. Try and see a game as the Heat is on a roll. Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you and my best to you and Catelyn
Cheers
John

Alex Asked:
Dear John,
I am glad that you were able to appease the guest who wanted to give a lecture on the ship. Perhaps he has a future on Cunard where his lecture might be more appreciated?
Anyway, I recently had a guest ask me about the availability of a conference room on Carnival ships. I have never personally seen a dedicated conference room on a Carnival ship, so I was wondering if the ships are equipped with a conference room, or if you simply use a lounge for small group gatherings or meetings.
Regards,
Alex

John Says:
Hello Alex
Thanks for taking the time to write. Some of the Fantasy class, all of the Destiny, Spirit, Conquest and Splendor classes have conference room facilities. They seat about 100 people and on the Destiny and Conquest-class they also are used for weddings. If we do have lectures and they appear to be popular we will place them in one of the bigger lounges. Hope this helps and if you have any other specific questions please let me know and I remain at your service
Best wishes
John

Judy Jurgensen Asked:
John please reply:
Hi John!!
I will be on the Valor in about a month for a back-to-back cruise and am turning Platinum on the second leg!!! Can’t wait! I’ve never been a VIP anywhere for anything so I am really excited.
I do have a question though. Why doesn’t Carnival’s other companies recognize my status? Holland American has some great European itineraries but I’d miss my VIP status. Since they won’t/can’t I won’t be sailing with them.
What I think would be a nice practice is when someone reaches VIP status with Carnival or one of its sister cruise lines, that VIP status be recognized from cruise line to cruise line,
Thanks. Take care of yourself, Heidi and the Thingy!
Judy

John Says:
Hello Judy
First of all let’s concentrate on the positive and congratulate you on your forthcoming Platinum membership. You will really enjoy being a VIP and all the benefits it brings …….so……….congratulations. I have been asked many times why the various cruise lines within Carnival Corporation do not band together to include each other in their frequent sailing programs. I asked the question once myself and was told of the huge complexity that this project would have. Each line has their own levels and benefits and combining those together is unfortunately not an easy task. However, during the current climate maybe it is something we should consider doing and I will once more take it to the people who can make things like this happen. So, have a wonderful back-to-back cruise and I hope to hear from you again soon.
My best to you and the family
John

Elaine Asked:
Please reply…
Just a couple of things before you leave the Valor…
First and most important… You made my Mom & Dad (Naomi & Marty) the happiest people on earth!!! They were shocked that you actually took the time to answer them on your blog and couldn’t believe it. If my dad was impressed, that’s a huge thing!!! Thank you very much….
Second… I believe somewhere on your blog I read that the Rocky Horror Picture Show movie will be onboard the Valor. Do you know if it will be there in time for the March 29 sailing?
Third… Is there anyway that you can tell us or even know the kid count for the above sailing? Or the # of Platinum cruisers on the sailing.
Fourth … We have finally decided to have our Meet n Greet on the 1st day at sea 2PM in the Lindy Hop (Piano Bar) and would like for you to please invite the new Cruise Director David ………. sorry …………Charlie…………..(quoted from your blog!!!) and any other staff member to join us. We’d love to have them there and meet them.
Fifth … Are we going to get the new UGLY Sign n Sail cards on our cruise or the old NICE Sign n Sail cards????
And lastly, I wish you a good night and good luck in your new travels.

John Says:
Hello Elaine
Thanks for taking the time to write and let me start to answer your five questions.
1. Thanks for saying “thanks” but really you don’t need to…………it’s my job here on the blog to try and help as many people as I can as often as I can.
2. I have indeed asked for the Rocky Horror show for the Carnival Valor………..well, the new CD $% has and I hope indeed it will be here for the 29th. I will ask $% to keep me informed.
3. The preliminary kid count is 349 under the age of 18 and I doubt that will change as the sailing is sold out. I don’t have the Platinum guest count as yet and usually we do not get this until a few days before the cruise starts.
4. No problem for the meet and greet and I will ask $% to make it so. However, can you send in a comment via the blog on the 25th just to remind me so I can remind him? There will be a notation in the today at a glance stating “Cruise Critic meet and greet.” We will try and book the piano bar but it might also be in the Paris Hot depending on the week’s schedule. $% has already promised to attend.
5. The Sail & Sign cards have actually been very well received by the vast majority of guests and the new ones will indeed be here waiting for you. However, I do think we can make the Platinum and milestone cards more………..well…………special and I promise we are looking at this very seriously.

Thanks so much and I wish I could be with you and once again I send my best to you and your family
Cheers
John

Jrmende63 Asked:
John Please reply.
First I was thrilled to see the Carnival Spirit will be sailing From Seattle to Alaska! That made my day!
Second, I am getting ready to sail with my hubby, Randall on the Carnival Fascination, April 4 for our 28th wedding anniversary. I was so thrilled to find a Carnival Cruise, close to home that was leaving on our exact anniversary date. Very Cool!
OK third, and the reason I am writing this post is something that has bothered me since Randall and I boarded on the Carnival Splendor on 12/06/08. I loved the cruise, but something happened that has just nagged at me. I was not going to say anything to anyone but I just think this situation was a little strange. Please tell me what you think:
Upon entering our cabin there was a beautiful rose in a vase on the dressing table. I saw it and thought how sweet that my hubby sent me a flower. Hubby then realizes that he left his cell phone in the embarkation area. I go to retrieve the phone. While I am gone, a man from room service comes to the door and tells my husband that the rose was mistakenly put in our cabin, it was for someone else. My hubby says no you cannot have that flower; my wife must have got it for me. I came back to the cabin after retrieving the cell phone from the purser’s desk…umm sorry…guest services desk and Randall tells me about the man coming to the door. I said I did not send you the flower, he said I did not send it either but did one of our friends? (Well John, you had said to look for something in our cabin from you. I said well maybe it was from you.) Well the door knocked again and this time it was a lady from room service who said she was there to get the flower. She stated the flower did not belong to us and we could not keep it. I gave her the flower, she took it and left.

This bothers me because I felt like maybe someone had sent me this flower and they were taking it away. And if no one had sent it to us …was a rose really so costly that they could not have left it with us and sent another to the room they took it to? I know this is really small and petty, but I don’t see this type of service on Carnival and hope I don’t see it again. What do you think about it? Should they have left the flower? or should I just have given it back without question?
Julie

John Says:
Hello Julie
You and many others seem so excited about the deployment of the Carnival Spirit to Alaska and I hope you and Randall enjoy your special anniversary cruise together on the Carnival Fascination. A rose by any other name! I can totally understand who disappointed you were at having a rose and then suddenly it being taken away. During embarkation most ships have over a hundred cabin deliveries to make. These include gifts from travel agents and family members. One such gift is the cabin rose which are ordered fresh and delivered that morning and I doubt there are any spares onboard so if we had allowed you to keep it someone else would have been very disappointed.

However………if this situation had been handled in a more appropriate manner, we should have collected the rose………..apologized………….and then replaced it with something else. That should have been how it was done and I sincerely apologize for this and will make sure your comments are forwarded to the housekeeping department. So, Julie, you have every right to feel disappointed and I am sure that since then your husband has bought you a whole field of roses…………….right? Thanks for writing and I wish you both a great time on the Carnival Fascination.
Cheers
John

Andrew Clark Asked:
Please reply and feel free to post.
John,
I just finished up the seven-day Valor sailing with you and I have several comments that I would like to share.
Firstly, I had been looking forward to having you as the CD since I discovered this blog about a month ago in preparation for the trip. However, I did not attend a single of your shows….I was too busy having an unbelievably fun time with Melvin in the Karaoke lounge every night. I did see the replays of your shows in the room and enjoyed them, but I did feel like I let you down in some strange way.
I have a couple of very minor complaints that I want to pass on and then several positive comments. 1- Please consider raising the temp. in the hot tubs. They are at the very best lukewarm and if it’s sunny but very windy, you’re actually colder in the hot tubs than if you were sitting in a lounge chair. 2- I found all your in room PA announcements perfectly acceptable, even when I was hung over and wished they weren’t there, however, the volume of the PA in the hallway is so loud, (maybe just my cabin) that there was no need for an in room speaker. I noticed that the hall noise was more noticeable than on previous cruises so this could have just been my individual stateroom as well 8370.
On to the positives. Allison, Matt, Danny, and Gio were all wonderful. I was the first person Danny met on the cruise during embarkation and she was the last staff person I said goodbye to on the way out the door, and that little personal contact meant a lot. My group was four fairly crazy 29-year-old guys partying it up with the younger crowd before we hit the big 30. We went to pretty much every trivia, beanbag, win lose or draw, etc. that your staff put on. (and won so many that we took to wearing ships on a stick around our necks on the last day) Your staff was exceptional to us, got to know our names, our strange nicknames, our team names and so on. When we were the only 4 to show up for the first win lose or draw Allison encouraged us to battle it out amongst ourselves, laughed along with us, and didn’t even get mad when I punched her easel whilst drawing “bloody nose”. These four were just great, if I haven’t made that point clearly enough. However, one more thing I must mention is about karaoke on the last night. I went to guest services, waited in line for 30 min, talked to them and was essentially told that nothing could be done and the capers was final. I was able to sweet talk the nice lady at the desk into humoring me and writing you an email, but I did not think anything would come of it. So I moved on to the aforementioned cruise staff. At WLD part 3 I asked Gio about it, and he said he’s get onto it, at beanbag an hour later I asked Danny about it, and by the time my team was sent packing in the quarterfinals of the tournament Danny let me know that we had our Karaoke again. I cannot explain how cool this was to me, that we were able to get the agenda adjusted to accommodate us at the last minute, and the persistence and willingness to help that Gio and Danny showed me. Obviously, you made the decision, and I thank you for that as well, but these folks really went above and beyond.
Re: Karaoke: Melvin is a wonderful asset and by far the best Karaoke host I’ve seen (which is out of a considerable number)
This is already an extraordinarily long letter, but as I had an extraordinarily good time, I’m going to continue.
As I said, I’m 29, but I’ve been on at least 20 cruises, many as a teenager, through college, law school and now as a professional. This was my third carnival cruise, but I have nine on royal Caribbean and had been looking forward to going diamond over there. My last with them was in dec. My first carnival cruise was at about age 15 and I was unimpressed with the “cheesy flashiness” of the fantasy (I believe) and I definitely was in the ‘carnival is the cheap, crappy line’ camp for quite a while.
This cruise (and the aforementioned RCL sailing in dec.) has converted me. I found the food to be considerably better, although I am definitely no expert in this regard. But what I am in expert in is fun. No cruise has ever had more games, trivia, activities, shows, karaoke, live music, etc. than this one. We played in at least 15 trivia games throughout the week. At least. We did karaoke every single night (even when it wasn’t scheduled) we won five ships on a stick and 12 medals, sang our asses off, and had a spectacular time. Every single bar, casino, staff, waiter, etc. always had a smile and gave off an impression of fun. We had the guy working at the counter across from the piano by the java hut yelling out requests for my friend to play as we did an impromptu jam session. That is what I’m talking about! Bravo Carnival!
One last quick story about the very beginning of the cruise. As we walked into the terminal and handed our fun pass slip to t he first carnival employee we encountered, the ‘very flamboyant seeming’ older gentleman said to me, “have a great time, just remember, they all have fathers.” to which I responded with irony, “I won’t do anything you wouldn’t do.”
Thank you sir. I’ll be CCL platinum in no time.

John Says:
Hello Andrew
What a fantastic posting and one I know we all enjoyed reading. I wanted to address one or two points if I may. Let’s start with the PA system. Unfortunately this does not have a volume setting per say. The level is set and tested by experts and approved by US Coast Guard and obviously needs to be loud enough that everyone can hear it. I checked your cabin and there is indeed a speaker directly over your cabin door so it is no wonder that it was so loud. I apologize for the two announcements I made inside your cabin but as you know these were for a missing person who thank goodness turned up safe and sound.
With regard to the karaoke on the last night, I must admit I have never seen karaoke so popular as last cruise and with such a large group of college students I guess that it should not have been such a surprise. Normally on the last night we have the band in the lounge for the last few hours but upon hearing your wish and that of many other young people we added the extra hours for you.

I hope you have found your “ass” after singing it off at karaoke and I also wanted to say a huge thank you to you for acknowledging the brilliant e-staff here on the ship. I have sent them all copies and they are all glowing. I hope you keep reading the blog and hope to hear from you again very soon
Cheers
John

Mike & Lori Asked:
John,
Please reply!
We are sailing on the Sensation on Apr. 2 for three nights. Will there be a formal night on a three-night cruise? Just wondering. Sure wish you were going to be on the ship with us but maybe one day we will be fortunate enough to sail with you.
Loved Harold’s story. Great pictures from the Splendor.
Mike & Lori

John says:
Hello Mike and Lori
I am glad you enjoyed Harold Chamber’s story, he is a character I will never forget. Yes, there will indeed be a formal – or elegant night as they are now called – during your cruise on the Carnival Sensation so take something special to wear and have some beautiful portrait photos taken.
Have a brilliant time and I also hope to sail with you soon
Bon Voyage
John

Amanda Huber Asked:
PLEASE REPLY
I am a Carnival fan and a member of the cruise critic community. I have only been on two Carnival cruises so far but I loved them and have another one booked for April 2010 (or will have it booked by the 20th!!!). I’ll also be on the Triumph when she gets back to New Orleans.
Now to my problem. I had a cruise booked on the Legend for October 18, 2009 but decided I needed to cancel it. I moved from Arizona to New Orleans in the fall of 2008 and could no longer afford a vacation this year. I had to cancel my Bank of America account since they do not have branches in New Orleans. Now my refund form Carnival seems to be floating around in cyber space. Bank of America says there has been no account activity since I closed the account in Aug 08. They said they never received a refund from Carnival and that since they account was closed they would have not accepted it and it would have been returned to Carnival. My rep at crucon says that Carnival says they refunded my deposit to my account. I need some help. Anything you can do would be a big help. With the economy they way it is $250 is a big amount to just let go. I’d be happy to just put it towards the cruise I am booking for April 09. Again, anything you can do would be great.
If you need my past guest number or any other info to help me resolve this then please just email me.
Amanda J. Huber

John Says:
Hello Amanda
Thanks firstly for your loyalty to Carnival and I am sorry to hear about your credit concerns. Please allow me a few days to investigate this situation and I promise that you will hear something from me or from someone at carnival very soon. Please don’t worry and I will write soon?
Best wishes
John

FLIP FLOP CRUISE QUEEN Asked:
JOHN, PLEASE REPLY,
Do you know yet where you are staying when you come to San Francisco on Thursday? We would love to meet up with you for coffee or cocktails, etc. Please let all of us on the west coast know. Can’t wait to see you and share a few laughs!
THANKS,
Sheryl

John Says:
Hello Sheryl
How are you? I am actually going to have no time at all and this has to be honest really disappointed me. I arrive at 11:30 pm on Thursday night and then the following morning I have meetings all day onboard the Carnival Spirit that is somewhere in dry dock in San Francisco. Then, the next day at 6 am……….yes…………6 am I start my local radio interviews. Still, I may have a window of opportunity so would it be rude to ask for your phone number so if I do we can have coffee.
I hope we can indeed make this happen
Thanks so much and my best to you and all the flip-flops
John

Amy Asked:
Hi John,
My sisters and I just got off the Carnival Valor with you and were witness to the wonderful crowd that was onboard last week (Jimmy Lee, Mr. Atlanta, and all the others). I have a couple questions I was hoping you could answer… First, what ever happened to the honeymoon couple that decided to drive from Costa Maya to Cancun for the day??? Did they ever make it back to our ship in Belize?? The eight spring breakers that decided they needed “a little extra time” in Cozumel – were there cabins available for them on the Inspiration? Or where did they stay for the night onboard? (Just curious about this one!!) And would you be able to tell me how the lady is that needed to be taken off the ship in Costa Maya due to the medical emergency? We were actually on the excursion with her when the accident happened and had been hoping you would update us during the cruise about her condition as we were all worried how she was. I kept watching for her son(s) while onboard but never saw them again to ask.
Thank you for a wonderful cruise that was filled with nonstop laughter!

John Says:
Hello Amy
The people onboard the ship last week were amazing and the characters you mentioned were sensational………I really miss Jimmy Lee. OK, the honeymoon couple did make it back to the ship but unfortunately the plans I had to make it a fun return were changed because I guess the situation of missing the ship put a strain on their new marriage and after meeting them I new that making fun of them was not a good idea. It was one of those times that needed compassion not ridicule.

Yes………..there were indeed cabins for the missing eight guests on the Carnival Inspiration although from what I understand they really kicked up a fuss and gave the staff there a torrid time stating we should have waited for them. Of course as you know………we did…………..for as long as we could.

Although I cannot tell you any medical details I can tell you that two days after leaving the ship the lady in question recovered enough to be flown home for continuing hospital care in Michigan. Thank you so very much for your kindness in asking after her. I hope you enjoyed the cruise and it was an honour to have you onboard
My best to you and the family
Cheers
John

nanetteali Asked:
nanetteali@gmail.com
John!!! Please reply …
MUAXXXX !!!!! Miss you!!
Did Heidi get my present for Thingy??
A big huggo for all of you(Heidi , Thingy and you)
Nanni

John Says:
Hello Nanni
It’s been too long since we have written to each other. Heidi did get the package but she has not opened it as she is very superstitious. She has decided not to open anything for the Thingy until after he/she is born. But I want to say a grande grasyarse to youo mi amigo para siempre. I hope youo ando theo familyo areo wello ando I sendo muchus hugos too youo allo
John

Catrin Asked:
John (please reply)
I know you take EVERY SINGLE letter to heart…. and I am sorry there was one person who “just didn’t get it”….
BUT>>
Don’t you DARE change that Bedtime Story ONE BIT! On our second cruise with you, On the Triumph in 2004, we never laughed SO HARD …. So hard that we re-live it via YOU TUBE quite often!
Because they asked to exchange the bottle of Champagne shows what kind of selfish people they really are. We won a bottle at the past guest party on our last cruise… and we are not drinkers. We did take it home, however, grateful we won something!
And now.. To be a bit of a pain…. have you had any response from my lengthy letter regarding the Pricing of my April 11 cruise on the Pride? I did send all the info you requested. Carnival DID call a few days later … asking if I wanted an upgrade to a suite for $1190.00 more (for both cabins) – but that was just a random “up sell” call.
Thanks for continuing to look into this.
Cathy

John Says:
Hello Cathy
Thanks so much for the words of support. I have learned over the years that there will always be people who do not like what you do in this job and although I shouldn’t I still find it difficult not to take these comments to heart. I hope by now you will have received a call or e-mail from our Miami office. I saw some correspondence regarding this and they had promised to contact you so please can you let me know as soon as you can if this has been the case.
I remain at your service and hope to hear from you soon
Best wishes to all
John

Bill (Zydecocruiser) Asked:
John, Please answer.
Jeez John,
Why do you rewards guests for poor behavior, e.g. Adam, with a bottle of champagne? Doesn’t that just encourage more whining in the future?
Unless, of course, he finds alcohol offensive, too, in which case, good one. Score!
A question about the cove balcony rooms on Carnival Dream. I thought I read somewhere that in bad weather, the balconies may be closed off somehow. Is that true, and if so, how? Will something roll down or are there big metal plates that will be bolted on, or what?
As to Eau De Royal Champions No 5, it is definitely a crock that stinkith. No cruise line with any semblance of integrity would pay cheerleaders to mislead the pubic. They must be Republicans!
Thanks,
bill

John Says:
Hello Bill.
I should have you live on my shoulder so that when you see me do something silly you tell me. The cove balconies are incredible and the views spectacular. Being so close to the ocean they do have large metal doors that upon the command from the bridge crewmembers will come and close these “weatherproof doors” to keep the waves from pounding over the balconies. This of course will hopefully be something of a rare occurrence. The cove balcony cabins along with the new family two bathroom cabins have become an instant hit Bill. How right you are about the Royal Champions….it’s a real shame they had to stoop as low as a snakes bollocks to drum up some business.
Hope all is well and hope you have had a brilliant time on the Carnival Splendor
Cheers mate and best to Lizzy
John

Dutch By Association Asked:
**PLEASE READ**
Hi John, Stephanie and other blog friends,
Just wanted to let you know (in case you would like to share with the Blog readers) that in 1 month and 12 days Dutch By Association (DBA) has celebrated 10,000 hits. (http://dutchbyassociation.blogspot.com)
For reference, DBA is a site put together, maintained and updated by myself, an employee at Holland America Line. I am not an official voice for HAL, in the sense that I am not in the PR department, but I have been okay’d by PR in this venture, and quite honestly, this blog was my inspiration.
Reader support has been outstanding and I hope to celebrate 100,000 hits in no time.
I’m considering a contest that would result in a HAL related prize for the winner in honor of this milestone and will have more details on the blog soon. In the meantime, I’d love to hear from DBA readers and would like to get your readers also involved by inquiring as to what sorts of things they would love to see covered on the site. While my main focus is of course HAL, as yours is CCL, I am always willing to post to the best of my knowledge on any topics the readers would like to see.
I appreciate all you folks do, would like to again thank you for the motivation and wanted to share this milestone with you.
With warmest regards,
DBA

John Says:
Hello DBA
Congratulations on your instant success. I just finished looking at your HAL blog site and I have to say it is excellent and the photos amazing. I have copied one here for all to see and I hope they stop by to see some more.

For more great HAL related photos and much more stop by dutchbyassociation.blogspot.com
I wish you continued success
Cheers
John

lou-anne Asked:
here it is John
Jordan Asked:
John, please reply if at all possible: I’m a college student at the University of Central Oklahoma, and I just have to make a comment about your post about when your dad would get your college report card… Well I must let you know that at my college they are real cheap and send your grades via email. Yes, email. Not to my parents email, who pay for my college (thanks mom and dad!). But to my email. Want to request a transcript? You must request it through email. I think it’s safe to say that the internet is taking over the world. Well, school is actually where I am asking for your help. I’m in a class called Global Protocol and Diversity, and I have a project where I have to interview somebody from outside the country. It’s an interview about traditions, customs, and pop culture, and I was wondering if I could do a brief interview with you via email or while I’m on board the Valor March 15 through the 22nd. My family and I are very excited to go on this cruise, especially my fiancé, because it is his first! My parents decided to go back to Carnival after sailing a couple of RCI, as they felt like the value and staff on board were less than par. We had so much fun on the Elation ten years ago, when I was just a little girl, ten years ago. We are counting down the hours! Thank you for your time, my email is —–, or my cabin number next week is ###. Warm regards to you, Heidi, and the thing!
Jordan

John Says:
Hello Jordan
Great post and I was amazed that college grades are now sent by e-mail. You are quite correct the world is being over taken by e-mail and the web. I am so glad your family is Carnival fans and we will all do our best to make sure you all continue to have affordable value and brilliant fun. I would be happy to help you with an interview so please e-mail me the questions and I will answer them as soon as I can. I hope to shake your hand next week mate.
Cheers and my best to all the family
John

So John , lots of comments are made to you and it was there a little while back – We all know you are a busy man, you should keep a folder of the promises for the cruises you are going to be on . Stephanie and crew could do this for you ( sorry Stephanie – another Job ) or teach him how to look it up on the blog – it would make it easier for you and then you would not have to ask the bloggers .
Well unless it’s a test to see if we are paying attention – Which we were and we all know how to search the blog.
So John , it’s too bad the guest did not like the show , but he could have left the show , and did not have to listen . Dangerfield – huh , he has some racey stuff out there – and you know your bedtime storey is awesome , we tell everyone about it . In fact it is our favorite ever . I am very very serious when we talk about Carnival it is to say John is the best , you make old and young laugh , you have taste , you do not make things sound vulgar , never rude and you tell things to everyone with taste. I have never read a blog that was not able to be read to a child , it is tasteful comedy always .
You are a great CD and it is too bad that this guy is not able to handle a great comedy routine . I think he needs to just realize that he had the choice to get up and leave . He was not forced to sit there and if he was offended he should have left . I really think he put one on – and there you did it again – gave a gift encouraging more people like that to be critical something and they too will expect a compensation for not getting up and leaving something they do not like and finding someplace else to go . They could have went anywhere – ok so how long has the bedtime storey been told , how many complaints and really if there were you would have changed it or been fired long ago . Ummmm note you are still working .
Please reply John . Was this a test?

John Says:
Hello Lou Anne
A big thank you to you and the other bloggers who researched the blog thingy to find out what I had promised Jordan. I met with Jordan yesterday and for some reason I had expected a man but Jordan is a beautiful young lady and we sat and chatted for 30 minutes. I hope the material I gave her was useful for her college exams. I have read your post a few times and want to thank you for those uplifting words and words that I will always try to remember. It wasn’t a test but if it had been a test you would have got an A Plus and five gold stars. Best wishes to you and all your family
John

Bill (Zydecocruiser) Asked:
John, Please answer…
Hmmm. Don’t knows if the last comment went…
Now another question – If I have four links in my post, it seems to get discarded or somehow processed differently. Why is that?
And back to the original…
Hi John,
It would be great if you were the CD on Carnival Spirit Hawaii cruises. I’m already booked on the April 11, 2010 cruise and looking forward to it.
A question or two about the itinerary. It seems Spirit will call on the Big Island (Hilo) then overnight in Maui, and then back to the Big Island (Kona). Does it really make sense to do it in that order? Or, does it not matter, since the ship will be going so slow between islands overnight, anyway?
Also, why not a port call at Lahaina, Maui? Most people will probably head there for one of the days, anyway.
In any event, I can’t wait until this cruise. I already have a webpage set up!

http://www.zydecocruiser.com/CarnivalSpirit/Hawaii/index.htm

But then, I already have one set up for the Carnival Spirit Alaska May 27, 2009 voyage:

http://www.zydecocruiser.com/CarnivalSpirit/Alaska/index.htm

to be continued…

John Says:
Hello Bill
You have been busy. Sorry that I am a little behind in answering questions. It seems that the number I am asked to reply to is rising all the time so please again forgive my tardiness. Having never actually been to Hawaii or the islands I can’t really comment on what “makes sense” as far as the order of the ports of call. However, I know someone who can explain this to me so I will ask them and let you know. I am sure it will have as much to do with pier availability as anything. Anyway, I will get back to you on this ASAP
The Web pages will I am sure be as superb as yours always are and the photos you always post for all to share are fantastic.
Cheers mate and best to Elizabeth
John

Bill (Zydecocruiser) Asked:
Hi John, Please answer (cont’d)…
and for one of two “Dream” voyages.

http://www.zydecocruiser.com/CarnivalDream/GrandMed/index.htm

http://www.zydecocruiser.com/CarnivalDream/TA/index.htm

Which leads to another question. What are the odds Carnival will add a pre-inaugural Carnival Dream voyage???
Thanks,
bill

John Says:
Hello Bill
It’s been ages since you last wrote and I have really missed you. I doubt very much if there will be a voyage added for the Carnival Dream as there was for the Carnival Splendor. I certainly have not heard of anything………even a rumor but if I do I will of course let you all know. I will see you there and maybe – who knows – on the Carnival Spirit as well
Cheers and best to E Beth.

Ashley Asked:
Hello John (please reply but not necessary)
Sorry for the delayed comment but I wanted to say thank you for posting the letter from Chris “Bubba” Roberts. In May I will be doing an Alaskan cruise on the Spirit with my Father. (Though I will miss my cruising buddy Sarah dearly!) Since my mother passed away my dad has come out of his shell and decided he wanted to see Alaska as well as see why I loved cruising and Carnival so much.
While reading Bubba’s letter and hearing of his soon departure, I realized how lucky I am to be sailing with him (and Julie). He has received such high accolades and I have enjoyed his writing on here. I hope to have the opportunity to tell him that in person. Plus Julie, his fiancée, is from one of my favorite places in the world, which ups her cool points in my book.
Though I know I will be in the lower age bracket (at 30) on this trip, I couldn’t be more thrilled to be traveling with my dad in this once-in-a-lifetime experience for him. And I am so glad that Carnival is a part of our adventure.
Just wanted to share!
All the best
Ashley

John Says:
Hello Ashley
What a beautiful letter and one I hope you don’t mind me sharing with Bubba. He is a great guy with a heart the size of a Waffle House and I know he and Julie will be thrilled to read your comments. I am so sorry to hear about Mum and therefore I know you will cherish each and every moment with dad and I wish you a wonderful time exploring the Last Frontier that is Alaska.
My best to you all
John

cruzn buckeye(aka Edy) Asked:
John please reply
Okay, I wrote you a long letter and forgot to fill out my info above so when I hit submit it all disappeared. So now, I only have a few minutes before I head off to work so I will condense it.
Can’t wait to see Heidi and thingy pics… you should be home soon right??
Don’t like the new sail and sign cards, they look like they were made by the cruise line that paints the big cartoons on the side of their ships…
Prefer assigned dining…good to know that they have both open and assigned…that way everybody can enjoy what they like best…hope they never do away with assigned though like the cruise line that paints big cartoons on the side of their ships..
Blogger cruise to Alaska…I heard that you may be thinking of that…but John…Alaska is just too
FREAKIN’ COLD!!! (As many cruise critics have noted ) on the Dream post. I want to do another blogger cruise next year…but I only cruise where the weather is hot and I can enjoy the hot tubs and pool deck!
Do you know when you will hear your cd schedule for 2010? I want to book another cruise but am waiting to hear your schedule so I can cruise with you again!
Please…no big screen on Fantasy class…or Spirit class for that matter…while many people love them I love listening to band playing island music and the ocean as many, many cruisers do. This way, with some having it and some not it is the best of both worlds! Thanks for everything you do!
Sea Ya!
cruzn buckeye

John Says:
Hello Edy
Thanks for taking the time to write just before you went to work. As much as I would love to hold a Bloggers Cruise in Alaska I think it would be too difficult to get everyone over there and also not everyone, including you, likes the cold. I will really give 2010 some thought and announce where will hold the cruise as soon as I can. The 2010 CD schedule should start to appear in the summer. We have lots of new people in the chair and we are currently looking to see if they are going to have the position on a permanent basis. I will also be able to think about what I am doing once the Thingy arrives as to be honest my mind is pretty full of the excitement and concerns of being a Father. Thanks for all the comments; they are so valuable to us here.
Have a good day at work and my best to you and the family
Cheers
John

Lisa Asked:
Good morning John,
We had the pleasure of you being our CD on the Valor last week. I have been reading your blog the last couple of days since being home, and am amazed how many people read/write/follow you – for good reasons, of course.
During our cruise, you mentioned that Carnival is having a few more ships built, and a naming contest. I have a great new name (no, not Preparation, Constipation others as some on the ship suggested), but can’t see anywhere to submit it. Was this a joke too? Or is there somewhere I can suggest the name?
p.s. we and our four kids had a fabulous time last week – thanks Carnival!

John Says:
Hello Lisa
Welcome back home and I am so glad you discovered the blog thingy and I hope you will be a regular reader. I did mention a ship name contest that week as we wanted to gather ship names from you the guests as we look to the future. Although the contest was not “official” I do hope that one day I can run the official version here on the blog thingy which again I hope you are apart of. ……………….the Constipation hasn’t come out yet.
I hope you had a brilliant cruise and hope to see you again very soon
Best wishes
John

janette Asked:
Hi john, I was wondering if you will be on the Splendor this weekend for all the festivities in San Francisco.

John Says:
Hello Janette
Yes indeed – will you?
Cheers
John

DavidK Asked:
John,
I am fascinated by your blog. So much so that I have been reading every entry and watching every video as I attempt to catch up (up to June 2008 so far). It is especially interesting how we have shared some of the same experiences like being yelled at by Regis Philbin.
My girlfriend and I will be traveling on the Valor for the April 26 sailing. I have previously sailed on the Mardi Gras in 88 and the Ecstasy (1993 IIRC). This is my first time back to Carnival in over a decade and we are thrilled and excited. I understand you will not be with us in late April however BIG Tex will.
We have one very minor special request. Do not worry it is not something like a Mah Jong board or some other crazy item. I understand that most of the tables for dining on the Valor are for two people. My girlfriend and I believe that the highlight of cruising is the dining and being at a table with other cruisers. How can we request a table with other people?
Please let me know if there is anything you can do to assist us.
Best Regards
DavidK

John Says:
Hello David
Welcome home mate and my goodness I hope your eyesight is OK after reading all the blogs………….you deserve a medal. We are certainly excited that you have decided to return to Carnival and I can promise you there have been some amazing changes since you were last here. But ………….saying that Fun is still the main ingredient and I promise you will have the most fantastic time. I will ask you to send me your full name and cabin number so I can make sure you get to be on a table with others although most are indeed like this with the minority of the tables being for just two. In a few moments you will read about one of the most amazing changes The Supper Club…….which you really have to try.
Have a great cruise and once again welcome to the blog and welcome home
John

Bobby Asked:
Hi john, PLEASE reply, I was wanting to know if the valor is going to have open seating? And also what time is the first seating for dinner is? Also does u have a picture of BIG TEX the cruise director that will be doing our cruise in May,
best wishes to u and your wife
Sincerely
Bobby
Hope u get this before u leave

John Says:
Hello Bobby
At the moment the Carnival Valor has only two assigned seating times at 6 pm and 8:15 pm. There are plans to put the option of open time seating on other ships but this is being done one vessel at a time and at the moment I have not heard the start date for the Carnival Valor. Here is a photo of Big Tex who is now Skinny Tex as you will see from this photo……………he has lost 60 pounds …………..the sod.

Cheers mate and let me know if you need anything else
John

That’s all for today but I will try and answer more over the weekend.

I know many of you have been waiting for news on the Carnival Elation and I promise I am not ignoring you. I hope to have some news at the beginning of next week so stand by for that.

Time for the penultimate Jaime

March 17, 2009

Dear John,

Welcome to the lovely port of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, better known to us crewmembers as “PV.” This port has always been high on the list of favorite locations to visit for both guests and crew. There is so much to do here! All sorts of new adventures to uncover… here everyone has the opportunity to visit one or both of two downtown areas – there is regular downtown with a large market and all sorts of shopping, as well as old town with a long beach area, live music, traditional Mexican food and a full day of fun in the sun.

In addition to these two locations that are just a short taxi ride away, within walking distance of the pier you can find the Kristal resort – a lovely place with a beautiful pool and beach. You also have the option of visiting the traditional Mexican Riviera highlights of Wal-Mart, Sam’s Club or the mall (with an English movie theater and Chili’s just inside). The ship also offers a long list of shore excursions aimed at pleasing a vast demographic of guests – everything from a city tours to snorkeling parasailing, scuba diving and underwater basket weaving.

For this visit to PV, most of the entertainment department signed up for the crew shore excursion to take part in the “Extreme Canopy Tour.” As often as possibly our wonderful shore excursion manager, Paul, will coordinate with the tour operators so that we can secure a bus for crew only so that those of us with time to go off the ship in port have the opportunity to view this port from a guest perspective. Of course this is also especially helpful since we do interact with guests on a regular basis; we can give them excellent feedback about what the tour actually consists of!

The Extreme Canopy tour is the one shore excursion that I wanted to experience incredibly badly while doing the Mexican Riviera itinerary with the Carnival Pride this past holiday season, and never had the opportunity because of circumstances that pertain to my interesting love life (which I probably shouldn’t have brought up again because John has left it alone for almost a week now!). ANYWAY, I was absolutely thrilled to find out we would have the chance to take this tour which consists of every type of thrill seeking activity imaginable: a boat trip, an ATV ride, a mule ride, hiking, and of course, my personal favorite flying through the forest on a series of seven long zip lines, surrounded by foliage and hanging from over 200 feet above the ground. Throughout the day we found ourselves playing the game “how many modes of transportations can we take?”

After first disembarking the ship and meeting the tour group it was slightly disorienting to see that it was the Carnival Splendor was docked in the very location that the Pride sat (well floated) just a few short weeks ago. The group of 32 crew members on the tour boarded a tiny boat to head to the touring location. We felt like puppies with our hair flying in the wind, I believe a couple of the dancers may have had their tongues flapping as well! After making our way back to land we took a huge ATV that held 16 people through off road, rugged terrain and barreled through wet muddy areas until we arrived at the almost top of a tall, tall mountain. When this bumpy ride was complete we had a safety briefing about the proper handling of a mule. These want-to-be-horses were not the prettiest creatures I had ever seen. They may have not been the strongest either, but they did indeed successfully carry all 32 of us thrill seekers on the half hour ride up to 2,000 meters above sea level, where the zip lining adventure could begin.

The tour group faced a series of seven long zip lines. The crew of five employees at the tour ensured that we safely and successfully made it from one zip line to the next. They were an absolutely incredible group of workers, lots of fun, friendly and a little spicy (and not only because they were from Mexico!) During the tour they not only cared for our safety on the zips but they also took us on a special course where we had a chance to have a water landing and repel down the flat side of a mountain. It was quite the adventure! Even though my gym shoes will never be the same, it was everything an extreme tour should be. After soaring through the acres and acres of the woodlands of Puerto Vallarta we did not want the tour to end. But alas, like all wonderful memories created on port days with the Carnival shore excursions program we expected nothing less than a wonderful time.

Only a few more days left until arrival in Long Beach (hi Mom and Dad!!) I can not believe this trip around the horn is almost over, and we are finally home! SO much planning and preparation went into this itinerary and I am confident that many guests and the crew would love to do this trip again. I have asked my team members, Adele (the beautiful, wonderful scouser), Lauren, Owen, Michelle, Brad and Goose to compile there favorite memory from the 49-day adventure so you can look forward to hearing all about that.

The Extreme Canopy Tour Adventure Group

It was safe, I swear!

I don’t think this is an organized Carnival Tour (it is really the painters).

Goodbye to beautiful Puerto Vallarta! Thanks to photographer Alonso.

Have a wonderful day!
Jaime =)

There will be one last Dear John letter from Jaime and I will ask her to look back on this voyage of many highs and maybe one or two emotional lows. So, tune in on Friday for Jaime………one last time.

Yesterday we were in Grand Cayman and alongside us was the Carnival Legend and a Princess ship which I think was the Grand Princess but I am not sure. There was also an X ship and one of those with graffiti on the bow. It was a beautiful day and that day has once again been captured by that remarkable entertainment staff member and photographer Geo………….have a look at these amazing portraits.

And so last night after much badgering from the head chef and the food and beverage manager I went to the supper club……………alone. I thought long and hard about who I could take with me but anyone I thought about was either working or boring. It then dawned on me that I have very few friends………….I was Billy No Mates.

I thought about taking a book with me. A chap eating with a book looks cozy and self-contained. A chap eating without a book…… is a lawyer. However, I was alone only for part of the meal as the chef, the f & b manager and 308 different waitresses kept coming up to my table to ask if everything was OK. At one point the chef was about to approach me for the seventh time and I caught his eye and tried to form a Vulcan mind meld. Stop right there. Keep your hands where I can see them, and step away from the senior cruise director.

You see, that’s what I am ……..a CD……..I am not Micky Arison, Gerry Cahill or Donald Trump…..I am just me….but I appreciated that they cared yet I still do not understand why in the last few months my standing seems to have risen when nothing has changed at all.

Anyway……..let’s talk about the food in a moment, but first………..the drink
I drink little but water, and I can tell you, it varies greatly. I always drink tap water at home, because the UK has very good tap water. I never drink it in Holland, because the water here is hard, limey and tastes like it’s been used to rinse false teeth. You’re mad if you drink bottled water in the Mexico, but you’re equally mad if you drink tap water in Paris.

Anyway, I always loved San Pellegrino but lately the fizz has gone out of the water and now it’s flatter than Kate Moss’s chest. So….I reverted to Crystal Geyser which is the still water we serve onboard. I could have had Perrier and apart from the fact that I refuse to assist the French economy in any way it tastes like someone has dissolved an aspirin in it.

And so to the food. I had started with the Caribbean Crab Cakes with wasabi followed by a huge steaming bowl of Dutch Onion Soup………OK, it wasn’t Dutch but I refuse to write the F word. I refused the Caesar’s salad because the main event was moments away.

Let’s talk about steak. Over the past decade, it almost completely disappeared from menus. Chefs don’t like cooking it and smart new glossy people don’t like eating it, because of the fat and the cholesterol and the blood and the bad karma and the waste of rainforest and the mad cows. But mostly because steak is common. Anyone can eat a steak and anyone does.

Steak is what condemned men ask for as their last meal. Steak is one of those things that incites specious and heated arguments about where the best comes from. Well, I guess it varies from animal to animal, but the most memorable steaks I’ve had were in a restaurant called Prime 112 in Miami’s South Beach. There, you must try the Cowboy Steak………..mention my name and I promise you…………..bugger all will happen but if you are in Miami………….and if you can get a table………..this is the place.

If what you crave is a brilliant steak at a realistic price, then the supper club is your place. All the side bits and pieces, the mustards and sauces, salads and vegetables, are good, but they’re not the point. It’s all about meat and the ancient dark bloody art of believing you are what you eat — and you are therefore….T-Rex. You certainly are of you order the Porterhouse which I did and once again it was simply sensational.

Desert was off limits although the apple pie looked amazing and then the best bit of the meal arrived………the check………….$30 plus $4 for the water. That’s a five-star four or five-course dinner for $30………$30…………….that is still jaw droppingly astonishing.

Remember, you can book through the blog thingy and quite honestly…………….going on a Carnival ship and not having a supper club experience is like going to Egypt and not seeing the Pyramids………………not trying that Porterhouse or one of the other superb cuts of meat is like ……..well……………just plain daft.

Where is a photo of Billy No Mates and his Porterhouse Steak.

Today, the 25th annual Cruise Shipping Miami Convention, the year’s largest cruise event got underway in Miami. This yearly event is where everyone who wants to attract business from the cruise lines pitches their wares and hopes someone will take them onboard. This ranges from people representing ports of call from all over the world to tour operators, food vendors and people who want to offer their services.

The day starts when all the presidents and top executives sit at a table and pretend to like each before addressing the gathered masses. The place was apparently packed except for three empty chairs. When a colleague asked who used to sit there he was told that the chairs used to belong to a certain cruise line’s internet marketing team…………. all of which were now asking if people wanted fries with that.

This year each of the lines top people presented their state of the industry speech. This included one from our president and by far the best-looking man at the table (although admittedly he wasn’t up against much competition) Gerry Cahill.

Gerry spoke about offering short Caribbean cruises out of U.S. homeports, which are within driving distance for Mr and Mrs. Joe Public as appose to keeping ships in Europe as originally planned. Gerry also I hear mentioned our blog thingy and how it was the most popular in the industry……..thanks Gerry………..that was very kind of you.

Anyway, it appeared that most of the lines presidents agreed that although there is much doom and gloom on the TV that we should ignore Wolf Blister and his mates because people do still have jobs and people still want to take a massively well-deserved vacation and therefore people still want to cruise.

As I said, all the presidents agreed on this …….well………I say all………because one president was not listening to the others. He was to preoccupied sticking pins into two voodoo dolls, one of which looked suspiciously like reporter Anita Dunham Potter from MSNBC who broke the Royal Champions story……….. and the other doll ………. well ……..it was plump and had grey hair………oh bugger……….it ‘s me…………now I know why my hemorrhoids have been flaring up……………..voodoo my arse. I will write to you tomorrow via my now working raspberry as I head to San Francisco.

Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and the Thingy

The angry “you need re-training” is referring to my bedtime story and I was astonished when I read the letter. I was astonished………..I have never had a reaction to this piece before. There have been guests who may not like it but to take the time to write a letter like that……..well…….they really must have hated it…….and, of course, I now think about that letter rather than the standing ovation the show received (as also mentioned by the guest) and I now have this letter firmly on my mind.

Yes……..I do get a little spicy and sometimes you react to a situation stage by saying what comes into your mind. But……….I never use foul language and I always make sure that the innuendos are in the guests’ minds and not actually spoken by me. I probably should have called the guest but after reading the letter a few times I knew it would be pointless. And so I wrote them a letter of apology saying how sorry I was and that I was so distraught that they felt that my bedtime story ruined their night. I also sent them a bottle of champagne as way of an apology which within 30 minutes of being delivered was returned to the Guest Services Desk by the guest who asked to swap it for some free photos ………..which I agreed to.

I know many of you will tell me not to worry but even though I get one letter like this a year or more………..I still find myself second-guessing if what I say on stage is indeed offensive. So, I did what I hate to do. I watched myself on TV and listened to the laughter echo around the room and watched 1,498 people stand and cheer and reminded myself that 278 people bought a DVD of the bedtime story…………and I felt much better. In these dark days of ever-deepening economic woe, the continuing concerns in Afghanistan, Iraq and The Middle East we desperately need something to celebrate………and that’s what I try to do through laughter and specifically through the bedtime story. I respect Mr. Irwin’s opinion and remain upset that he hated the show ………..was it offensive? ……………..all I can say is ……………offensive………..my arse.

It’s been a very strange day because after the thrill of being on stage and enjoying being a CD again I am once again on the inactive list and forced to watch proceedings from the sidelines. I could have left the ship yesterday in Miami and spent a few days of relaxation shopping at El Dolphino Mallo but I wanted to stay onboard for two reasons. Most importantly I want to give David………..sorry…….Charlie my support and hopefully the benefit of my years of experience and help along the way. I watched for that week when I first joined the Carnival Valor a month ago and now I want to see if I he has put some of my suggestions into place. These included restructuring his travel and port talk and also scheduling himself better to allow more time on stage which is where I think we all agree the CD belongs. The second reason I decided to stay is that I never really got to see Roatan so I will take a tour this week and see what it’s all about.

So far David ……….sorry……..Charlie has done well yet like most first-time cruise directors, he just needs to have some more self-confidence in his abilities and he will have a long and successful career.

Here are the facts and figures of this voyage.

3547 guests

AGE GROUP
TOTALS

2-5 Years
58

6-8 Years
87

9-11 Years
120

12-14 Years
188

Under 21 – 835
Under 18 – 749

It seems like we have the same amount of older kids on spring break but with the addition of lots of younger children as well.

This is actually a good thing as not only do we have the best children’s program at sea in Camp Carnival, Circle C and Club O2 but having younger kids creates that wonderful family atmosphere on the ship that Carnival is famous for and that’s always a good thing. Last cruise we had lots of older people and a good amount spring breakers but nothing in the middle………so far this cruise it appears we have every age range covered which is also great for the ship.

I just read back what I wrote above and find myself wanting to add something ………….. so I will. While I am happy to help David……………sorry……..Charlie I did find it difficult to stop myself running ……..OK walking fast……….onto the stage and grabbing the microphone when a “fun opportunity to say something” passed him by………….oh well. There was one brilliant guest he had on stage who was a huge rotund man with a long flowing white beard…….it was crying out for a Santa joke or two but David…….sorry….. Charlie left him alone. I’m sorry, but having a man like that on stage and not doing a Santa joke is a bit like having Angelina Jolie in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

But overall David…….sorry ……….Charlie…….had a great show and I was very proud of him. Now, I have also met a few people who have recognized me and all have said that they are disappointed that I am not the cruise director which, of course, I feel so guilty about. I also met a young lady called Jordan who apparently had written on this blog recently that she would be sailing and that I had promised to spend sometime with her to help her with “her project.” I stood there nodding and saying “Oh yes of course and arranged to meet her on Tuesday.” …….the problem is I have no idea what she is talking about. My mind is as blank as the “Wars We Have Won” page in the French history books.

So………can anyone remember seeing a comment from Jordan and what I promised to help her with because I am buggered if I can remember?

Let’s go back to Sunday where I was joined onboard by Stephanie Leavitt and Tom Hoover from Interactive Marketing Internet Web Specialist Swat.com Senior Nerd Specialist Managers Team. They came on board and brought with them two chaps who had applied for a new video producer position. You see, it is our intention to provide much more video footage for the blog and on carnival.com. It seems you all like the videos we put on and up to now all the updownshakeitallabout loading thingy has been done by Stephanie and Tom it has now been realized they need help……….and so we all interviewed the two hopeful candidates. To test their skills we shot some video footage and asked them to slap it on the blog. Here they are and I hope you enjoy them.

Pretty good don’t you think?……..although I look a bit tired ……….and I guess I feel a bit tired as well because ever since January 20 I have been going flat out ever since ……….. so while I have a rest…………….here’s Jaime

March 15, 2009

Dear John,

For as long as I can remember, I have made it a daily mantra to attempt to do one thing that scares me. This forces me to expand the horizons of what I would typically consider my comfort zone and in the end will allow me to be able to take on anything. Today I most definitely adhered to this goal of overcoming my fears; I will share more on that later.

We have now finally returned to what I would consider Carnival territory. The terminal building in Acapulco, Mexico, is filled with your typical tourist attractions, such as Diamonds International and Starbucks. One of the pamphlets that were distributed to my group of friends near the pier area was that which depicted the location “Paradise.” I had thought everywhere in Mexico was paradise! However, if this is not the truth, my friends and I knew we couldn’t go wrong if we headed to the resort that made this significant claim. The taxi driver requested $15 US for a ride to this delightful location, and after haggling down to a $10 price, my friends and I opted to take a nice relaxing walk along the beach in order to reach our destination.

The 30-minute walk that we were expecting turned out to be an extremely warm hour and a half of twists and turns with the hot sun gleaming down on us. We learned that reaching Paradise was not as easy as it seems! The smooth walk along a beautiful beach that we were anticipating turned out to be not only long but also under constant harassment by small children selling Chiclets. Also, the powder sand beach we thought was in Acapulco was actually filled with tiny stones that have now calloused our feet. Nonetheless, the tide brushed up against our ankles and after power walking to our destination we finally arrived we were greeted by many members of our incredible Splendor dance cast. After eating lunch and enjoying the sun, we could not resist any longer. Many of the entertainment department employees decided it was necessary to bound off the 50-meter high platform in the form of an official bungee jump.

After some of my peers successfully made this leap, and avoiding being transformed into road kill, it was finally my turn. I could not believe that I was insane enough to actually pay some company my hard-earned money to put my life in danger by jumping off a giant platform. Nonetheless, I headed over to the bungee location and signed my life away, literally. The disclaimer covered anything and everything. I could not jump if my grandma’s cousin’s uncle’s third wife could possibly be pregnant. If I had ever suffered from a hang nail, I could rule out this method of risking my life. And of course, it was not their fault if there was any miniscule possibility that bounding off a high tower could potentially cause myself damage, danger or death.

Let me inform you, this bungee jumping location was found and supported entirely on the personal volition of myself and my peers. Carnival in no way sent us to this location, supported us risking our lives, and possibly could do nothing other than attend the funeral if something was to happen. Nonetheless, since we didn’t make it to Maccu Picchu I wanted to at least say I took some sort of huge risk during this contract.

My friends and I got into the elevator which seemed never-ending as we made out way to the top of the 50-meter high tower; we received our extensive safety briefing- which consisted of me asking where to put my hands. The gentlemen at the top of the tower tied the harness around my waist and a towel around my ankles. After waiting what seemed like hours (actually two minutes) until it was my turn, I asked the employees all the questions I had stirring in my head before taking the possible last risk of my life. They told me they hadn’t lost anyone in 10 years, I told them who to contact in case of death, and they said that it is better if you open your eyes.

My friend Emily was in tears by the time she made it to this point, so I did not have time to be scared. I was too busy comforting her, telling her how much I believed in her, and if she did this she could take on anything. I was told DON’T LOOK DOWN, so of course, right before going over the edge I looked out to the ship in the distance as it was docked in the beautiful Acapulco bay, I smiled for the camera and quickly glanced at my friends waiting for me at the bottom – hoping I would have the opportunity to hug them in just a few short moments.

I spread my arms like a bird and fell… and fell… and fell… then bounced there for a while and had a warm feeling of pride gleam throughout my body. Well, that may have been pee, but either way it was warm! We all did it! Twelve of my friends bungee jumped, many of us for the first time today. We did something special.

The rest of the day continued to be filled with memorable experiences. High tides took many of our sandals that were nestled along the beach. One or two cameras may have become waterlogged and unfortunately, the ocean took my brand new Carnival towel. Nevertheless, the day was nothing short of incredible.

I think I may have been shaking more having to do Welcome Aboard Show on the Carnival Pride just a few weeks ago, but now that I can cross both of these momentous accomplishments off the list, I wonder what risks are next in line to be overcome!

Cliff diving location another show that I didn’t get to see but heard was pretty great

The Carnival Splendor docked in Acapulco for the first time

Yours truly bungee jumping for the first time

Only a few more days left now,
Jaime =)

Not long now Jaime and you will see the Golden Gate Bridge………and me. See you soon and thanks again for the wonderful Dear John letter.

Stephanie Meads, my ACD, left today to join Butch on the Carnival Glory and I thank her for all the help and support especially during the Bloggers Cruise. An old friend joined the ship as ACD today………Gary Brierly who many of you will have met on the Carnival Freedom and Carnival Splendor. It’s great to see him again……..because he owed me $30.

I am the proud new owner of a book called Doctor Spock’s Baby and Child Care bought for me by the entertainment staff here on the Carnival Valor and containing 936 pages that basically tells me my life as I know it ……….is over. While it contains a lot of useful information there are some paragraphs that I am very dubious about……….for example

“The birth itself isn’t that bad, and anyway her body is biologically programmed to forget the pain.”

Bollocks…….I have seen women giving birth on TV and in movies and it looks terrifying. The gas and air doesn’t work like they say it does, having stitches looks horrible, midwives don’t always get it right, there will be more blood and bodily fluids than an episode of CSI Miami, and having half the world staring at your wife’s most intimate parts while she make noises like a demented pig is not, in any sense of the word, pleasant.

And:

“You get used to not having as much sleep as you used to.”

Again……..bollocks. From what I hear from Dads you will go insane with sleep deprivation. You really will. Even the hardiest of military men were reduced to wrecks after three days of no sleep in Japanese prisoner of war camps, and you were not trained for this. There will be days when the very act of having a poo will to your shattered body………..feel like a major achievement

“Returning to a normal life that involves rumpy pumpy (I changed the words there) will happen sooner rather than later as you begin to lead normal lives again.”

Ummmmm………Rumpy pumpy will be implausible because you will both be spectacularly exhausted, and no one feels like having much rumpy pumpy when they’re tired. And smelling slightly of sick.

It’s a nice gift though and obviously a lot of thought has gone into buying it …………. because getting someone the right gift is never easy.

Take our slacked jawed double chinned Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s recent trip to Washington. Gordon gave President Obama Barrack a penholder carved from the timbers of an antislavery ship. The sister ship, in fact, of the one that was broken up and turned into the desk in the Oval Office.

Barrack, meanwhile, gave Brown a copy of The Graduate on DVD. Which sounds like an “Oh, Bugger. What shall we get him?” moment at the local Citgo station.

And so I find myself in a similar dilemma………I can’t come home empty handed …………. but do I buy a gift for Heidi……..or something for the Thingy?

I know from previous long sessions in the doghouse that you should never buy your wife anything that needs a plug, but this has always presented a problem. Because I’ve always had some understanding of stuff that needed electricity to function, and had no clue about stuff that didn’t. Perfume, for example. Have you actually been into the perfume department of a shop recently? Not only do you have the traditional choice of about 10,000 from the well-known names such as Chanel and er . . . ummmm………..others but now you have celebrity-endorsed products, as well. 

Does your wife want to smell like Paris Hilton or Celine Dion? Or would she like to spend the year strutting around with a whiff of the thin one who looks like a horse from Sex in the City behind her ears? Horrified that you might trip over the great smell of Judge Judy — or bleach, as it’s known in hardware stores — you make a beeline for the clothes department, but this is an even bigger mistake because you’ll Buy the Wrong Thing.

And to make matters worse you will Buy the Wrong Thing in the Wrong Size. 

So, jewelry then. Well, no, because for reasons I’ve never fully understood jewelry shops never advertise their prices. Which means you need a basic grasp of the “bugger me if I am paying that” technique as you try to pretend the reason you don’t want the necklace is because of the clasp, not because it costs $5,000. 

Furniture……OK, not a bad idea as I know she wants a rocking chair…….but if American Airlines charges $3 billion for a bloody suitcase I doubt they are going to let me take it as a carry on.

Of course, the shop can deliver but this involves filling out a form, and then another. And then some more. And then the information has to be typed onto a computer, and by the time that’s been done and delivered to the UK, the Thingy is 27. 

At this point the modern gentleman will start to think about getting some candles. We all know that girls like to spend hours having baths in the semi-darkness and we cannot imagine what they might be doing in there. Books? Oh, come on. It seems a bit mean to spend only £7.99, especially as the sort of books my wife likes don’t even come with a plot or involve rumpy pumpy and explosions 

This is why I didn’t even bother window shopping for my wife this year. I just headed straight for the electrical department in Selfridges, where I knew I would feel safe and warm and comfortable.

As for buying gifts for the Thingy I have no idea where to start. We don’t know if it’s a male Thingy or a female Thingy so what color do I get and what size and what material and where from and help!

The bloggers who sailed with me on the Carnival Fantasy were so nice and have given me so much that I have even considered wrapping some of it up and saying “Heidi, look what I bought you”…………..but I can’t. So, at this moment in time I leaning towards ordering a Miami Heat baby shirt on line and a tiny pair of Dwyane Wade sneakers ……….. cute don’t you think?

But will she like that?………..I just can’t read women. It will be Heidi’s birthday next month and I remember the hell of last year
“I don’t want a present. You got me lots of nice stuff at Christmas.” That’s what she said. So, I don’t get her a present. I do, however, pay for her and her best friend Nadia to have a posh lunch and a two-hour spa treatment at our local posh hotel.

Not bad, I thought. Very bad, thought Heidi. It was clearly a huge problem that there was not a physical present to unwrap.
“It’s just me being greedy,” she said with sad eyes. “When I get over it, I’ll realize that just having the family around me is all I need.” This was an Oscar-winning performance and made me feel like a total bastard.

So, I guess as far as Heidi is concerned it will have to be perfume and I am leaning to getting her the latest scent to hit the market. It’s called Eau De Royal Champions No 5 ………….. And it smells of sheer desperation.

Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and the Thingy

Let’s start though at home.

Heidi is doing well but informed me that when I get home there is lots of work to be done around the house and in the garden.

And she is using her being pregnant as an excuse to not do it herself……..what a liberty. As we live in the country Heidi decided it was the law to plant vegetables and fruity stuff and now we are buggered as it all needs tending to.

As I have mentioned before I am crap at ………….. well ………………. everything …………… except maybe being a cruise director and holding my farts in for such a long time that when I finally release one it could blow Don King’s hair straight.

I guess I should have paid more attention to my Dad when I was growing up who could do everything around the house. Why did he grow the tomatoes out of polythene bags? How do you make a potato? What sort of fuel does the trimmer use?

I planted some bulbs before I came back to work. But I fear I may have put them in upside down. So, realistically, I’m going to have to find a gardener.

This is what we do. When the lavatory explodes, we call a plumber. When the car needs servicing, we take it to a garage. We let the experts do what they do best. And yet everyone thinks that when it comes to the tricky and specialized job of telling a story or public speaking, they can manage on their own.

Not necessarily. This morning I was called by the Guest Services Pursers Information Officers Associates Desk who said they had a guest “demanding to see me now” and that he would not leave until he had……..it was 8:45 am. And so as I had 30 minutes before my 9:15 am senior officers meeting I minced off to the lobby. I was introduced to a man who said he had commanded the forces that repelled the American invasion at the Bay of Pigs and wanted to have a lounge so he could “teach these young college people a lesson in history.”

I had to admit to him first of all that my American/Cuban history was pretty poor so I asked him what he would talk about and he said……..and I quote………“When the Americans came,” he said, “we fired at them and they fired back at us. Later Fidel arrived.

He stayed for a bit then he went away again. In the afternoon, he came back with a tank, so we moved the one we had a bit.” I know this quote is correct because he had it written out ready to tell the youth of today and gave me a copy of his intended speech ……………..obviously it was an important moment in history and one that meant a lot to so many but the way he was talking to me ………………well , lets just say it wasn’t riveting

What was I to do?

This older gentlemen really wanted to tell his story but I knew on this the last day of the cruise that nobody would come. All I could do was give him a chance. Now, I must say that usualy we require all would-be speakers to be pre-approved by Chris Prideaux in the Miami office. It’s not just the content we look at but if the speaker can hold and captivate an audience. Someone who’s capable of taking an enemy machine gun nest armed only with a coat hanger is not likely to be an entertaining speaker as well.

I have seen this at dinner parties before. Someone can have the table in stitches for an hour with stories that are generally funny Then someone else says: “Mmmm. That reminds me of the time when I was working as a simultaneous translator for special ops in Sierra Leone and I had to disarm the trembler switch on the nuclear bomb just after the terrorist had put a bucket load of man-eating ants down the back of my shirt.”

Eagerly we all gather ’round but by the time he’s finished, three of the party are asleep and six, to escape the tedium, have committed suicide by stabbing themselves with the steak knife.

Happily, however, I have an idea that can solve all this. You employ a personal trainer at home and a personal assistant at work.

So why not turn up at dinner parties with a personal anecdote-teller? This doesn’t need to be expensive. Call me or my friends Al Ernst or Lewis Nixon or any of the Carnival comedians. I’d bet they would be more than happy to be your storyteller at dinner for perhaps as little as $40……….Al would probably do it for a big bowl of grits and a Twinkie.

Anyway, I gave the guest a small lounge and at the debarkation talk mentioned he would be doing his lecture. I was a little concerned as I know there is a lot of mixed emotion involving Cuba and my biggest fear was that he would say something political that would upset another guest. This fear was unfounded though as he only had 11 people show up and the staff member who checked on the event told me that by the time his 40-minute lecture was over only 8 remained. I called him afterwards and he was thankful and happy but disappointed the audience was so small……I sent him some wine at dinner to say thank you.

My point is that lectures have their place on a ship on the right cruise and on the right subject……….what would you if we had them like to hear about. I await your kind advice.

Here’s Jaime

March 12, 2009

Dear John,

On board we have truly gotten to know a great deal of our guests after sailing together for such an extended period of time. This cruise is like no other. The guests on board the Splendor did something so incredibly special in celebration of Lauren and Owen’s birthday today. Upon their own volition, they chose to throw these two members of the entertainment staff an unforgettable birthday party. However this party was a complete surprise to the two celebrating individuals. Plus, it was so incredibly special that it could only happen toward to the conclusion of this type of 49-day adventure.

Dave, the Aussie, organized the whole thing. He gathered questions about himself and his fellow guests and when Lauren and Owen arrived at the trivia competition that they assumed they were hosting Dave took the microphone, dressed in his own cruise staff uniform and proceeded to ask them trivia questions that pertained to the lives of himself, his lovely wife Maureen as week as many of the other guests that are the “trivia groupies” of the cruise. There was only one team involved in the trivia – Lauren and Owen, and yes, spelling did count ::smile:: Lauren was almost in tears by the end of the trivia, when the bonus question finally arose. Question 21 as emceed by Dave was, “what is the most commonly sung song in the world?” The guests broke out into Happy Birthday (the American version) as they presented the delicious carrot cake from the coffee shop and merrily wished Lauren a happy 25th birthday and Owen a happy 30th.

Later in the evening the birthday festivities continued when Lauren was presented with her very favorite meal – barbeque chicken pizza (she is crazy, I realize.) My former roommate has a tendency to give bonus questions about herself during each of the trivias that she hosts, therefore allowing the guests to know about her favorites just enough so that they do have the ability to throw her the perfect birthday celebration! Therefore, making both Owen and herself feel loved, cared for and special when it is so incredibly difficult to be working on a ship, away from immediate family members during such a momentous occasion as a landmark birthday. On the Splendor, during this 49-day adventure, we have created a new family. Many of the guests on board at this time, are professional cruisers and I am confident that Lauren, Owen, Myself as well as so many of the other crew members will remember these faces and stories for years to come. We plan on creating so many new memories on future Carnival Cruises.

Another highlight of this beautiful day at sea was my opportunity to sit down with Susan, a member of the blogging family who sporadically posts as Kersplott. “Kersplott” allowed me to ask her about her recent life altering visit to one of the newly acclaimed wonders of the world Maccu Picchu. After hearing her stories about this amazing excursion, I know exactly how all of you feel living this South American adventure vicariously through my stories: simply longing for the opportunity to visit yourself =)!

Here is Susan’s recollection of her amazing trip:

“The tour was simply unforgettable. There were 36 guests who had the incredible opportunity to go on this excursion, as well as one guide from the ship – Emma, who had just as much fun as we did! We disembarked in Lima before the sun came up. Breakfast first, and then we were taken to the airport and flew straight to Cusco where we arrived slightly before 10 am. When we were taken down the terminal and met by our guides everyone was deeply sucking wind (I won’t go there…) We were at 11,000 feet when we landed. Although I didn’t feel light-headed! They immediately took us to our hotels which were simply gorgeous! After our hour and a half rest and a delicious lunch at the hotel the tour then began! Tours started off at the Bath of the Incas at a mere 13,000 feet above sea level!

The first stop was Sacsayhuaman – referred to by the naturalist Dirk as “Sexy Woman.” This is a large complex that the Incas built. They built everything out of stones, almost nothing out of mortar. The stones fit so carefully together that you can not even slip a piece of paper through them. The tour guide instructed us that we needed a virgin to sacrifice at Sexy Woman – unfortunately no one qualified so unfortunately, we did not have a sacrifice for the Gods.

After being at that elevation – we came back down into Cusco and toured the cathedrals. One place we visited was the Temple of the Sun which is actually within the Cathedral – Plaza de Armas.

The next morning, we left hotel at 6 am and drove 20 minutes to the train. We took a 3.5-hour train ride to the small town of Quillabamba. At this time, we traveled down in elevation from 11,000 to 8,000 feet. This train is part of the Orient Express trains and provided first class service all the way. The train included a Vista dome car so you could look out as you were going through this valley. The people who surrounded the train provided an opportunity to see authentic Peruvian dress – this is not just for show, they were hauling animals out to the fields with the same clothes on that one would typically expect. It was total emersion into the Peruvian culture! During our tour we realized that the authorities control how many people have the amazing opportunity of visiting Maccu Picchu. These buses, with a 30-person capacity, travel down a dirt rode that weaves back and forth for a five- to seven-mile winding trip to the top to this beautiful mountain.

It was scary but also so terribly exciting that I didn’t remember to get scared that I don’t like heights. You get off the bus at the visitors center, walk up the trail. Start walking up an awful lot of stairs. You climb up the stairs and you don’t ever think you are going to get to the top… you get up and look up above seeing the people so far ahead who have not even come close to reaching their final destination.

By the time you reach the top, you finally realize that the view is the exact same that you expect to see on in movies, post cards and magnets. All of a sudden… lose your breath again and can not help but smile!

Before we left, we were advised that only two days per week can you expect clear weather in Cusco. If you are fortunate enough to get to Maccu Picchu you are lucky if the clouds clear for even a short period of time… From the time we left the ship to the time we returned in Manta – there was nothing but sunshine. No clouds. Perfectly clear skies throughout each minute of this amazing experience.

Before the trip was cancelled and rescheduled we would have been there on Sunday. From what we understand, on Sunday the clouds were low and it rained all day. The day we had the chance to visit, the weather could not have been more perfect. Since we have completed this excursion, we have all come to the conclusion that no one needs a stress test to find out if their hearts are OK! We all feel wonderful! Our knees might be a little bit sore, but our hearts are just fine. It can only be described as an experience of a lifetime. We can all go home and brag that we had our passports stamped at Maccu Picchu.

The next morning, we faced another 5 am wake up call. We flew from Cusco to Lima, then Lima to Quito (2.75-hour flight). During our long layover in Quito – the company was amazing enough to arrange another tour. We had a very nice lunch, and went to the equator. We stood on either side of the equator at the same time! After receiving certificates to remember this experience and another unique passport stamp it was finally time to return to the airport and catch the flight to Manta. By this time it was already dark. As we walked along the terminal and looked over in the harbor and we could see the Carnival Splendor gleaming in the moonlight. All of us applauded when they landed in Manta. This was undoubtedly the most fantastic shore tour I have ever been on.”

Thank you to Susan… I wish I could have been there too! Susan was kind enough to bring me a magnet, so it is practically like I went!! Is there anyone else in favor of organizing a trip?

Beautiful view of the mountainside

Lauren and Owens surprise birthday trivia

She was right, it’s just like the postcard!

Cusco wow thank you Susan

At the equator, the water isn’t sure which way to drain silly water

All the best to you,
Jaime =)

Hopefully one day you will get to see Massapeachchew and thanks Jaime………….we owe you a big vote of gratitude ………..but no money.

As Carnival’s fleet sails the seas and the every day life of this wonderful company is laid bare on web sites and in the press, quietly behind the scenes the executives and employees have been and continue to work diligently to help those less fortunate. Finally, we have decided to tell everyone all about that exceptional work and that is done through the following website which I hope you take the time to read.

Read the story here

Now, for those who have offered to host a Carnival Funday Sunday party here is the welcome video shot post haste by yours truly

http://www.houseparty.com/carnival

Here is today’s photo from Geo………..further words are not necessary.

So, it’s been a hectic and busy day. I made sure the rematch of our University Challenged match went well and I am happy to say that Student Brainbox and his team…………..lost by five points and so far apart from looking like someone had pissed in his cornflakes ………….. I have heard nothing further. I also held the debarkation talk during which the staff and crew received a standing ovation and as you will read later I performed the marriage show which was very funny.

Tonight I will hand the department over to the new Cruise Director David ………. sorry …………Charlie…………..and that will be that. Oh by the way……….there will be no blog on Sunday if that’s OK but Stephanie is coming to visit and bringing the flip video thing so I will record a quick video message which hopefully she will slap on the blog late Sunday. Even though I will not be CD I will be posting everyday next week as I watch David ……. sorry……..Charlie and continue to talk about life onboard. Then on Thursday I catch a tender from the ship to Belize City, a taxi to the airport and then a flight to Houston. I have a one hour 30 minute lay over and then it’s of to San Francisco. I have a day of rest and then a radio interview at 6 am……..oh joy.

Anyway, here is a photo of David………….sorry…….Charlie……….the CD as of tomorrow here on the Carnival Valor

Oh, talking of cruise directors my pal Wee Jimmy is now on the Carnival Victory and here is the latest photo he sent me which shows him pulling a slightly worried smile ………….. that’s probably because a rabbit is nibbling on his Thingy

Anyway, let’s talk about the Marriage Show.

Sometimes there are people who make your day just by being themselves. I had such a person on stage with me for the Marriage Show this afternoon. I asked her where she was from and she told myself and the audience she was from “Thunder Bay” Canada.

“Sounds a romantic and mysterious place to live,” I said

“No, I hate it,” she replied

“Well, why don’t you live somewhere else?” I asked.

“My house is there,” was her completely serious reply.

Now at this point the audience is laughing and I could have kept going but considering she honestly look bewildered at why the audience was laughing and considering the color of her hair ………………….I left her alone and moved on.

And what a funny show it was……………not because of me but because of the people I had on stage. Something new I have started is halfway through the Marriage Show I take a break and invite any guest to tell us over the microphone a funny, special or embarrassing moment from this cruise. These usually range from stories about marriage proposals, getting lost and the usual suspects. I already knew that this week was going to be good. I mean………..we have had people miss the ship, people missing from their cabins all night (soon to be appearing on Divorce Court) and a lot of great characters have graced us here on the Carnival Valor.

Anyway, I said I would take three stories and the first was a nice one about a couple who had met some people at dinner who used to live opposite them when they used to live in Arizona. The couple moved to Chicago 18 years ago and here they are not only on the same ship but sitting with each other at dinner.

However………..as wonderful as that story was nothing could top the story 81 year old Harold Chambers from Flint, Michigan, told.

I wish I could have taken a photo of him. Harold is five foot and a bit and has bright white shiny hair. Harold said that he had gone into Costa Maya with his daughter and son-in-law and they had eaten Mexican food for lunch. Well, later that night during dinner Harold said, “The Mexican food had gone straight through him” so he walked as quick as he could to the toilets just outside the Washington dining room……….the audience of 600 are already giggling and some, including myself, had started to look worried as to just how descriptive old Harold was going to be.

He continued by saying he locked himself in a cubicle, but in the unseemly haste to pull his pants down, a load of coins, his pipe cleaning tool and his spare hearing aid batteries fell out of his pockets and clattered on the floor, causing a right old racket followed by a resounding silence, which in turn was broken said Harold by a voice from the next cubicle saying. “Good heavens, man! What have you been eating?”

The audience and I are now in hysterics and Harold received a standing ovation. Was it a true story……………..who cares?

This weeks blog’s have been dominated by spring breakers yet it is fitting that we end the week talking about an 81-year-old man whose story brought the house down …….. that’s Carnival…………and as I finish my last day of being a cruise director for a while I remind myself yet again that I have the BEST job………….in the world …………… Apart from the man who test drives all the new Aston Martins………….. and the chief photographer for Playboy Magazine…………and oh yes…………..and the judge who got to sentence that greedy bastard Bernard Madoff to 150 years in prison ……….. apart from them………..I have the best job…………in the world…….and I shall miss it very much.

Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and The Thingy

Guest: Mr ___________–Ref: 836065611A
Cabin: _______ Booking#: ________ Added-Changed: 03/10/09 – 03/10/09

UNHAPPY WITH TRIVIA GAMES
Guest came to the desk to complain about the University Challenge team activity because the team from University of Wisconsin had said the wrong answer but the staff member had said it was correct. Mr ________ said that he had done lots of checking on the internet and he had proof that the answer was not right. This meant that his team from the University of Georgia were the winners and should have the trophy. Guest then demanded that we refund him the $45 he spent on the ship Internet.
GSA tasked to Cruise Director

Oh Joy.

Well, I have nobody to blame but myself. I thought it might be a bit of fun to have our usually named Super Trivia team event changed to University Challenge. And it was ………. fun………with six teams from various universities and colleges taking part. The event was won by a team from the University of Wisconsin and all was well right up to the moment Mr. Brainbox decided to query one of the answers. I called student Brainbox a few minutes ago and woke him up…………well, it was 9:30 am…….and asked him what the problem was. I should have known this wasn’t going to go well when he started his reply with the word “dude” but I carried on regardless.

So, student Brainbox told me that what happened was “seriously uncool” and that the question that then other team answered was wrong. Now, at this point I should point out that the questions were obtained from the difficult version of Trivial Pursuit and with that in mind here is the question that was asked.

What is the world’s most popular surname? The card says the answer is “Muhammad.”
Student Brainbox told me he has irrefutable proof that the answer should be “Li”
I wanted to say ” Who really gives a #$%^”…….but instead I said “Oh…. how fascinating.” And what a mistake that was as he spent the next 10 minutes reading from his printed Internet findings the figures of the number of people who have the name Li compared to the recent world census carried out by …………………………………. ……………………………………………………………………. sorry, I fell asleep just typing that.

Boring the subject may have been but there was no doubting student Brainbox’s passion and I guess I was a little bit jealous of his academic skills. When I was at school in Essex, UK, academic success was not commonplace. If some kid did manage to pass an exam they’d be pictured in the local paper the Evening Echo, wearing a mortarboard and holding up a map of the world. The headline would invariably be something like: “Local girl is top of the swots.”

It was best not to wear your brain on your sleeve. I myself was loathe to raise my hand in class even when I knew the answer to the teacher’s question. I never told my friends that I was deliberately hiding my light under a bushel, partly because they would have beaten me with wet towels for being a nerd and partly because none of them knew what a bushel was. ……….. studying was for wimps. However, in my later years of education I started hanging out with Julian Fennel, Tony Lang and Colin Redwood. They had a different attitude to study. They seemed to see learning as cool – that it was OK to pass exams and get good essay grades – that brains were sexy.

Yet I have come full circle. This afternoon I met with Student Brainbox at his request and as he lectured me using words some of which contained three syllables I wanted to shove his bespectacled know-it-all face down the toilet……..I tried to tell him it was just a game …………just a bit of fun………….but he said that I was “recapitulating” and wasn’t listening. I didn’t think I was recapitulating ………..maybe it was the chili I had eaten at lunchtime.

And so, I sat and listened to this “human Google” for the next 20 minutes and pretend to enjoy looking at the facts and figures he presented me about the name Muhammad being more popular than Li ………….or was he Wong?

I offered to give the four members of his team trophies as well but this was not good enough………..he demanded a rematch as “the pride of the University of Georgia was at stake.” ………………………….pride ……………..it’s a trivia quiz.

And so, not having the winning team’s information I put out a general appeal over the PA for a representative of the University of Wisconsin to make them self-known. And unfortunately they did. After explaining the situation I was truly hoping that the team from Wisconsin would tell Student Brainbox to kiss their dairyair……..but they accepted and so on the last sea day there will be a rematch which I will be hosting myself and if it’s a tie with one question to go I shall ask “Supercalafragelisticexpialadocious” is a very long word ……..how do you spell it?

I hope Student Brainbox puts his hand up and says “Oohh……I know and he will spell…………….Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious correctly…………………..and I shall say” no mate, you just fell for the oldest school trick in the world……………the answer is “I T” ………………..recapitulation my arse.

I shall let you know who wins.

Here’s Jaime

March 10, 2009

Dear John,

This is it, the conclusion to the “South American adventure” part of the very first (and hopefully not the last) South American itinerary that the Carnival Cruise Lines has ever operated. After this we have only two ports left before returning to the United States! We visited Manta, Ecuador today. Upon arrival, it was obvious that we were within extremely close proximity to the equator because the intense heat and direct sunlight provided many of our guests with a complexion similar to that of a lobster served on formal night.

After our last day of tours and our monthly full crew boat drill completed, myself and some other members of the crew took the same route that the guests did for our lovely day in Manta. Right on the pier, welcoming us to the city was boats filled with tuna fisherman waving with open arms. The tuna they were catching were not baby chickens of the sea; they were the most enormous slimy smelly creatures that could not easily be recognized as “tuna.”

When the appeal of taking pictures of the fisherman wore off, and our bodies adjusted to the extreme humidity, those people who didn’t go out on organized tours either rode the complimentary shuttle to the entrance of the pier where they had options to relax on the blissful beach enjoy a cold drink and purchase some local crafts. Or they took the $10 hop on – hop off bus organized by Condor Travel to go see the hotel with internet access, visit an extensive traditional open Ecuadorian marketplace and finally experience a nice, air-conditioned mall.

Once we arrived at the arts and crafts market it was a great opportunity to buy straw “Panama hats” that are actually made here in Ecuador. These tightly woven hand made hats sell for up to $300 in the states, and can be purchased here for only $25! This in itself made the trip worthwhile! Other hand-made jewelry and crafts were at the market as well. In addition we had traditional live music playing such favorites as the Titanic theme song (I think they were mocking us!) As I walked around searching for the perfect accessories for my formal night attire, one of the men selling his goods expressed his interest in my Carnival Towel that I had brought in case we ended up at the beach. I greatly value and love my towel because it reminds me of my favorite place to work AND the place who provides all of my pay checks =).

This gentleman proposed to trade one of his beautiful pieces of jewelry for my ever-so-highly acclaimed towel. At first I didn’t want to give it up because as you know they are not only absorbent and classy but these towels are also a great way to clean up spilled beverages. After much haggling, I ended up getting a nice pearl necklace with a white shell in exchange for my navy blue irreplaceable, unique Carnival Towel. Good thing I am friends with the laundry manager who distributes the new towels ::wink::.

Also at the marketplace, Lawrence, our production singer, tried to refine his bartering skills by talking down the price of a locket necklace for his baby sister. When speaking turned out to be an unsuccessful method of price negotiation, he attempted to serenade the local vendor in exchange for a lower price. The woman clearly did not speak English, she looked scared, and wanted him to stop… so she lowered the cost of the locket from $25 to $20!

After we exhausted our monetary resources at the market place we pressed on to the next bus stop, the Manta Mall. On the drive over we saw very interesting buildings with bamboo scaffolding. I understand that they may have different building resources in the southern hemisphere, but it did not appear as if these homes under construction provided any shelter from any sort of precipitation that may pass through the city.

Good thing that their most fierce weather element is sunshine!

If there has one thing I have learned from visiting all of these foreign places it is: a mall is a mall is a mall… even though this one did contain significantly more incense and beads than I am used to. The vendors all accepted the US dollar as appropriate currency, so that was a nice change to our other recent ports. Some friends and I walked around the mall for a bit before enjoying our strawberry milkshakes and heading back to the ship. On the way back we saw the city’s tuna monument! Our wonderful guide Michelle told us all about Quito, the capital of Ecuador, which is only a one-hour flight away from Manta. Since Catholic is the main religion of this country, the capital city contains much of the Catholic heritage and history.

Back on board this evening we were crossing the imaginary line that separates the lower and upper hemisphere! Our equator crossing ceremony was a huge success with our emcee Goose, King Brad Neptune and Queen Jaime Neptune! All of the guests on board the Splendor at this time can happily consider themselves amongst a family of shellbacks.

You can look forward to my friend Susan’s report from Maccu Picchu in the coming days. She says it was absolutely remarkable.

The most enormous Tuna you have ever seen!!! Wonder what hormones this guy is taking?

A family at the handicrafts marketplace in downtown Manta.

Guests at the Equator crossing ceremony enjoying the Elite showband right before we crossed!

Queen Neptune, King Neptune, Lifeguard, Sailor Owen and Merman Lauren before the big Equator Crossing Ceremony!

Looking forward to sharing more soon!
=) Jaime

Great letter today Jaime and that was one big fish. I am very proud of the staff most of which I know. However, can we do an interview with the naturalist? I have heard so many great things about him……….why don’t you take a photo of him and ask him a few questions?………………we would love to know more. Thanks again, Jaime.
Time for another wonderful photo taken by the brilliant Geo featuring the Carnival Destiny in Dominica………………..wow.

As requested here is my Mum’s recipe for home made English scones
Ingredients

225g/8oz self raising flour
pinch of salt
55g/2oz butter
25g/1oz sultanas
25g/1oz caster sugar
150ml/5fl oz milk
Method
1. Heat the oven to 220C/425F/Gas 7. Lightly grease a baking sheet.
2. Mix together the flour and salt and rub in the butter.
3. Stir in the sultanas, sugar and then the milk to get a soft dough.
4. Turn on to a floured work surface and knead very lightly. Pat out to a round 2cm/¾in thick. Use a 5cm/2in cutter to stamp out rounds and place on a baking sheet. Lightly knead together the rest of the dough and stamp out more scones to use it all up.
5. Brush the tops of the scones with a little milk. Bake for 12-15 minutes until well risen and golden.
6. Cool on a wire rack and serve with butter and good jam and maybe some clotted cream.

Thanks, Mum. I am sure you wont be able to find clotted cream in North America so serve double thick cream instead and see if your local Publix or deli has some English jam.

Let me know if you make them and have one for me……….made with Splenda not sugar.

Someone asked yesterday or the day before for me to help them book tours for their Carnival Freedom voyage next month. Apparently they could not see the port mentioned when trying to book excursions and were worried that this port may have been canceled. Well, I can confirm that it has not and the ship will indeed call at Nassau……. here’s why you couldn’t book your tours online

“We checked a couple of real “live/active” bookings to see if they are able to view tours in Nassau, and the problem is that the port does now show up in the drop down menu when logged in. Last I spoke with tech support they said that they changed the logic in the backend to where the port would NOT show up if tours were not loaded. In this case, tours ARE loaded but the port is still not showing up. I will see if someone has any further input on this issue.”

Good, that’s cleared that up then.

I think that means the site is buggered so my friends in Miami will work diligently as they always do to fix the problem and I thank them for doing so in advance.

So, on we rock to Cozumel and I mean really rock. We have 40 – 50 knots of wind and the ship is really pitching and rolling which has counteracted the spring breakers’ drinking and they are now walking in a straight line. The first magic show with Rand Woodbury was packed tonight yet the 10:30 pm show was unusually empty. This was of course I am sure due to the movement of the ship and the fact that the students are mostly on the late sitting and they are either in the dance club, karaoke or piano bar or are hugging the god of porcelain as the pitching and rolling plays havoc with their young stomachs that are full of Slippery Nipples and Grey Geese.

Did you know that back in the early 1990s we had a COUGAR that lived onboard? Rand Woodbury had Geo the Cougar as part of his amazing magic show. It lived in a special area on one of the open decks on the Celebration. The idea of the show was to change a beautiful dancer into Geo the Cougar. It was the highlight of the show.

After the miracle change, Rand would take Geo out of his cage and walk him around the stage on a long chain lead. During one show, Geo broke free, jumped off the stage and ran through the 800 people in the audience and out of the show room with Rand in hot pursuit. For some reason the guests thought that this was just part of the show and applauded and stood in a wonderful ovation oblivious to the fact that a 300-pound cougar was loose and could have bitten a head clean off with one chomp! Rand got hold of him and told me afterwards that Geo was more scared than the audience …….. scared my arse.

Rand has a new show here on the Carnival Valor which you must not miss.

Today I spent most of my time with Captain Augustino Fazio making a safety video for future guests of the Carnival Valor. This had nothing to do with the abandon ship drill or the correct way to put on your lifejacket. It did however cover many of the hazards that we try and make guests aware of to avoid accidents on board. So, with the help of some of the ships crew I helped write, produce and direct this epic.

I decided to make the captain the star. Safety is our priority so who better to cement this fact than the master of the vessel and so we toured the ship with the camera team filming a brief eight-minute catalogue of areas where we want our guests to exercise caution and care. Here is what we covered.

1. Grasping the handrail firmly when using stairs as the ship is in motion.
2. Being aware that the open decks may be wet and thus slippery. This could be due to weather, the washing and cleaning of the decks, people dripping water from the poles and whirlpools or spillage of drinks.
3. Being careful when walking the decks that you do not tip over chairs or deck chairs
4. In the cabin please be aware of the threshold leading into and out of the bathroom
5. When opening balcony doors please be aware it may be windy and the door could close suddenly so please keep your hands and fingers away from the hinges.
6. When climbing the ladder to get into or out of the bunk beds please make sure the ladder is attached firmly

So, using the captain and some crew we started making this very important film. It’s going to be no more than eight minutes long and will play in the guest cabins ………. we all feel this is very important……have we forgotten anything? If we have please let me know as always your feedback is so important.

I will be answering your comments marked for my reply tomorrow and always I thank you for all the postings…………I wanted to say thanks to Lance and Ilda for the great post regarding the dark and sinister Royal Champions………they have some great points and really sum up what many in the industry feel. In case you didn’t see it………….here it is.

Lance & Ilda
March 11th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
John,
Hhhm. Irrational behavior from a fan of the “Whatever of the Seas.” Seems the runner-up cruise line has to resort to paying folks (some of which have never sailed on RCCL) to post “Positive” reviews on the popular cruise websites. How gauche! Actually, I’m not all that surprised, given the amount of money they dumped into such a weird and out-of-touch series of television ads. The ads actually reminded me of the Terry Gilliam animations from the classic Monty Python series, minus the imagination and irreverence.
It’s funny. I was at the stylist today getting my haircut and she asked me how my vacation was. I told her about our incredible experience in New Orleans and our volunteer work at Westside Park and then I mentioned that it was Carnival that setup the volunteer experience and presented the organization with a check for $5,000. I then talked about our cruise along the Mississippi and on to Mexico. She then hit me with that tired old misconception, “Oh, Carnival? I would never cruise with them, they have a lot of drunk, party people on their boats and the food is terrible. Royal Caribbean is SO much better.”
Well John, I suppose you can guess what happened next. I related the fact that, not only is Carnival Cruise Lines the most popular in the world, they consistently out-rank RCCL in almost ALL categories by the most respected names in the cruise industry. I also gave her an education on the Carnival cuisine and the heritage of George Blanc and his culinary institute. I also told her of our own blogger chef, Kevin McVeigh and how he applauded the chef on the Carnival Fantasy on the quality of the food. She was in shock. I told her that what she was referring to was based on mostly rumors and tired old misconceptions.
I was also speaking from experience, as Ilda and I sailed on the “Boring of the Seas” once. That was enough. It couldn’t come close to our collective experiences aboard the many fine Carnival ships we’ve cruised upon. Besides, the food was mediocre at best.
So, if “The whatever of the seas” has to resort to an under-handed, viral marketing to try and create a “buzz” about their product, it means only one thing. They are running scared!
Here’s to you, my friend. Give our best to Heidi and the Thingy.
Lance & Ilda

Enough said!

I mentioned the other day that the P&O ship Arcadia was sailing the Orient and now it’s the turn of Alistair and Cunard’s majestic Queen Victoria to visit the land of the rising sun. There are some amazing photos and as always I invite you to read the ship’s adventures at www.bestblogsatsea.com

One of the great things I have enjoyed about being here on the Carnival Valor is being able to meet up with old friends. I have been in Europe these past few years and that has meant I have been working alongside a different group of entertainers chosen specifically for the European voyages. However, here on the Carnival Valor I have seen old friends I have known for years and who, like myself, have grown up with Carnival.

One such chap is here with me this week. He has never married. He’s not gay or hideous, he doesn’t have hemorrhoids, halitosis, a twitch, a facial mole that sprouts a dozen hairs or a deformed thingy. He doesn’t live with his mother and he isn’t French.

He is independently wealthy, attractive, funny, amusing, and popular. He always used to have a girlfriend and each of these relationships trundled along, as relationships will, to that point where commitments had to be undertaken, questions asked that involve diamonds, placement cards and singing hymns in church. And at that point, they were gently dumped.

The reason he could never sign up to the Marriage Club is because he fears that all women are only really after his wealth and the family silver, and his handmade Italian shirts. He always thought that the evolutionary purpose of every woman is to find a male, steal his sperm, fleece him, skin him and throw him back, a broken and shivering poor person. Yet, I see him now after a long time and now I see a man who has suddenly gotten old overnight. He no longer has a girlfriend and …….well…….he looks sort of sad. I know he plaid the field for many years and I am sure all that rumpy pumpy and stuff must have given him many evenings of ecstasy………but now………well, he’s 60 and alone ………….and fell so very sorry for him.

Being alone in the cabin is hard and thank goodness I have Heidi to go home to. Usually when write these silly blogs I have to do so in silence so I concentrate but lately the silence has been driving me mad. And so I have been writing to either the accompaniment of music or the TV. The last few days it’s been the TV and as I speak I am watching Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA. I have seen this at home in the UK but never the American version and it’s fascinating. Ramsay swears his way through some more biohazard bistros or at least I think he does because in the States his naughty words are bleeped out. The best thing about the Americans is that they aren’t afraid to fight back. How this hasn’t yet resulted in a frying pan to the face for the smug bastard …….. oooo sorry………….the smug beeeeeeeeeeppppppppp, I don’t know.

I have also forced to myself to watch Deal or No Deal so I can hurl abuse at the shows non autograph giving beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppp………………….beeeeeepppppppppppp host .I guess watching the show is a chance to enjoy some banker bashing ……………………………..and in these uncertain times it may be the only chance a lot of us get.

I look at all the young kids onboard and I think again how lucky they are to be sailing on this brilliant ship and I think of my holidays when I was their age. I mentioned that we used to go camping but one year we went to something called Butlins. There really is now North American equivalent of this center of fun for the working class. The entertainers that work their are very similar to our own entertainment staff and in fact many of you know James Dunn, the assistant cruise director on the Carnival Freedom, who was “a red coat “as they are called due to their red blazers….similar to what we wear.

My Mum and Dad’s best friends, the Edwards, went all the time and I remember going with them one year. Their kids used to cause chaos: there was a game where the kids would chase Captain Hook around, all good fun, but my mates would hide in the bushes, jump out and properly mug him.

It was a fantastic holiday, though – there were girls, fights, freedom, and you could get into the 9-13 disco. I loved it.

My first holiday abroad was to Ibiza in Spain, when I was 19. I went with my mate Alan, but we were quite naive and ended up in a family hotel, so pickings were slim. I was a mass of hypochondria back then. Alan got bitten by a dog, and later he shook my hand, and I got it into my head that I had rabies. So, everywhere I went, I carried a glass of water, to see if I was becoming afraid of it.

The dog story is true and let me therefore finish with a story about me and my mate Alan and our spring break adventure.

Alan and I were on holiday in Spain. We were only 19 and it was our first real “boys” vacation ever. The first day by the pool Alan was eyeing up the beautiful women (and I think it was the men, but that’s a story for another day) when a lovely young lady came over and started talking to us. Her name was Bridgette (she was French). She was not a pretty girl but that did not matter as Alan is no oil painting and the two started getting on well. She asked Alan what he did for a living and I expected him to say that he worked in a bank but no, he says WE ARE BOTH VETS. She did not understand, so Alan then says – WE ARE ANIMAL DOCTORS….she now understood and seemed very impressed.

I just chuckled and got on reading my book and enjoying the sun. Now, fast forward two days. Alan is getting on famously with his new French friend who it turns out is staying with her Mum and dad and younger sister. So, there we were laying in our usual spot by the pool when all of a sudden I here a very loud French shriek “Alannnnnnn, Alannnnnnnnnn.“ Looking up, I see Bridgette and her young sister walking towards us holding A PUPPY! (Please read the next bit out loud using a French accent).

“Alannnnnnnnn,” says Bridgette, “We av found a petite dog and he as cut his leg, heeelp him.” Her sister, Melissa, who was only 14, is crying as she holds one of the many stray dogs that inhabit Spain.

(Back to the French accent) “Alannnnnnnnnnn, Johnny, please help this little thing as you are both animal doctors.” To make matters worse, the dog is looking at me as if to say, “Por Vavor……..helpo meo woofo…”

Alan, looks at me and says, “John will take care of him, he is the dog specialist” and then takes the dog from the very young Melissa and gives him to me. “Come on girls,” says Alan, “let John do what he has to and we will check on him later.” With that, he leads the girls off for an ice cream, leaving me and my new best friend El Spotto just standing there.

Now, I could have just put El Spotto on the floor and said adios but the animal lover in me (if it had been a cat it would have been a different story) said that I had to do something. I carried El Spotto to the front desk and asked if there was an animal shelter nearby. They made a call and one hour later a lady from the shelter came and took El Spotto away for medical treatment and hopefully to find a new home……………..and charged me 50 pesos which was half my holiday money………Las Bugger

When I saw Alan and his Frenchies later I explained that I had given El Spotto medical treatment and he was now a happy little doggy. I received big smiles and Mercies from everyone and I was a hero. Alannnnnn meanwhile continued to date this French girl for the two weeks we were in Spain and that proved that not only did he not give a damn about leaving his best mate on his own……….it also proved he had no sense of smell.

Lets finish today with some exciting news for the people of Baltimore and the surrounding area who are getting so excited about the pending arrival of the Carnival Pride………………if the ship is the main course……………..here is the appetizer

CARNIVAL CRUISE LINES TREATS BALTIMOREANS TO A FULL DAY OF FUN
SPECIAL EVENT CELEBRATES THE CITY’S FIRST-EVER YEAR-ROUND CRUISE PROGRAM

BALTIMORE – (March 12, 2009) — Looking for a fun time? The Inner Harbor is the place to be on April 25th from 10:30 a.m. – 6:30 p.m. when Fun City: Baltimore, sails into town. The event is compliments of Carnival Cruise Lines and will raise funds for Maryland Special Olympics. A full schedule of exciting free events, activities and attractions, including a world record giant beach ball, artistic sand sculptures, live hip-hop dance performances, 3-D chalk art and more, will make up nine “Fun Spots” which will be sprinkled around Baltimore’s Inner Harbor. The event is a celebration to mark the start-up of Baltimore’s first-ever year-round cruise service on the 2,124-passenger Carnival Pride. The ship will arrive in Baltimore on Monday, April 27 and depart later that day on its first voyage from Charm City.

Other activities during Fun City: Baltimore will include a Carnival Fun Booth, Camp Carnival Kid Zone and an Interactive Aquarium. There will also be biodegradable balloon giveaways, photos opportunities, visits by Carnival’s mascot, “Fun Ship” Freddy and Fun Decoder cards which lead to several chances to win a free cruise, all while raising money for the Maryland Special Olympics.

Following is a rundown of events, all of which are free and open to the public:

•Carnival Fun Booth, located in front of the ESPN Zone near Pratt Street, will be an interactive booth where people can digitally record their own karaoke performance of popular songs and go on-line to obtain a free download.
•Located near the Fun Booth but closer to the National Aquarium in Baltimore, will be a beautifully crafted, detailed Sand Sculpture of the Carnival Pride created by award winning Master Sand Sculptor Chuck Feld.
•In the amphitheater, located between the Pratt and Light Street Pavilions, will be live performances by acrobatic teams, Motown-style singers, cruise directors and dancers from Carnival’s ships.
•Carnival’s huge Guinness Book of World Records Beach Ball will be located in McKeldin square and passers-by will have an opportunity to have their photo taken alongside it.
•3-D Chalk Art depicting Carnival Pride’s twister waterslide will be located on the corner of Pratt and Charles Streets. Extraordinarily talented chalk artist Michael W. Kirby will spend three to four days creating his fantastic, illusionary masterpiece to the delight of downtown workers who will have an opportunity to watch the transformation first-hand.
•Located in front of the Visitor Center will be free balloon giveaways and they’re biodegradable so they’re fun AND green!
•Kids of all ages will enjoy the Camp Carnival Kid Zone located near The West Shore Park. It will feature face painting, candy art machines, arts & crafts and games in addition to entertainment and fun music. Also, Carnival Water Wars, a game played with giant water balloons, will be available.
•Located at 111 South Calvert Street will be a special Interactive Aquarium where a vibrant, computer animated undersea universe of plant life and fish will react to the motion of passersby. Visitors can also dial a number on their cell phones to create their own, personalized fish and swim them around the tank. The Interactive Aquarium is already on display and will remain in place until April 27.
•An engaging, high-energy hip hop and acrobatic performance group will entertain visitors and those walking to the baseball game with performances in front of the new Hilton and across from Oriole Park at Camden Yards.
•Throughout the day, Carnival Cruise Ambassadors will be handing out FREE “Fun Decoder” cards where participants can register on-line for five chances to win a Carnival Cruise. The contest takes place from April 1-May 9 and for every person who registers, a $1 donation will go directly to the Maryland Special Olympics.

The Carnival Pride will operate a mix of six-, seven- and eight-day cruises from April 27 through September 6, 2009 then begin a year-round seven-day cruise program departing every Sunday. The ship will alternate weekly between an Exotic Eastern Caribbean itinerary calling at Grand Turk, Turks & Caicos Islands; and Half Moon Cay and Freeport, The Bahamas, and a Bahamas/Florida itinerary which visits Port Canaveral (near Orlando), Fla; and Nassau and Freeport, The Bahamas. Each voyage also includes three days at sea.

Carnival is the largest and most popular cruise line in the world, with 22 “Fun Ships” operating voyages ranging from three to 16 days in length to the Bahamas, Caribbean, Mexico, Alaska, Hawaii, Canada, New England, Bermuda and Europe. The line currently has two new ships scheduled to debut between now and 2011.

For additional information and reservations on the “Fun Ship” vacation experience, call 1-800-327-9501 (individual) or 1-800-327-5782 (groups) or visit the line’s travel agent Internet portal, BookCCL.com.

Now, providing the Thingy does not make a really early appearance I will be there to help celebrate this special event with you all.

I miss the Carnival Splendor and I miss working with the great time there led by the irrepressible Captain Giorgio Pagano who made his acting debut in our recent commercial which is now playing………now when I say acting he probably did it in one take………………because he is a natural.
In case you haven’t seen it…………….here it is.

Get off my bridge……………………brilliant

Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and the Thingy

“Oh,” I said and as I walked away I realized that this movie was still in theaters and was not available on DVD.

Young People today……little buggers! ……..If they like a TV program, they go online and download the whole series. If they want to go to the movies and have spent their pocket money already, they download a movie. Everyone’s at it. My mate Alan told me he recently downloaded a program called Spotify, which gives you pretty much all the music in the world on your computer instantly, whether you’re into Mozart or Madonna.

It’s legal, this one, and it’s – of course – free……….as Alan is tighter than a duck’s arse with a huge piece of gaffer tape over it.

This got me thinking. There is a whole class of people that never pays for things, or at least not for the things that the rest of us regularly get our wallet out for. They’re the ones you find yourself sitting next to on a supposedly budget airline flight: you’ve coughed up $300 for your seat; they gleefully tell you they paid $5. They’ve watched the film du jour weeks before it opens at the cinema. They listen to free music and don’t watch television by episode but by series.

I have to say I’m quite bothered by the legality of this. Downloads have already completely transformed (i.e., killed) the music business, but I’d mind more if it hadn’t for so long appeared to be run by grossly overpaid people who never seemed to do much apart from take large quantities of cocaine and drive Aston Martins with chrome spinners on them.

I look around the ship this week and I see the college students who are lucky enough even in this era of crunching credit to afford a cruise and have money to spend on endless supplies of Red Bull and vodka. Last night at the captain’s party I was met many college students all of which so far have been wonderfully behaved and apart from a few waking up feeling like they have a Parisian living in their head there have been no serious incidents.

I met three ladies from a university called Climson or Clamson or Clemson or something. All told me they were here to celebrate there freshair year or something. I asked how their grades had been so far and all of them said they were A’s etc., etc…….and that’s when I had a terrible flashback where I’d come downstairs to find my school report had arrived.

Throughout the term I’d assured my parents that I’d been working hard, and that the small fire in the chemistry lab had been nothing to do with me. But there, in the report, was solid, irrefutable proof that I hadn’t been working hard at all.

Even today, 30 years later, I can recite, verbatim, the comments from my math teacher Mr. Sonnen. “Even if, as he claims, he was unwell, his mock exam looked like it had been written by someone who was trying to be deliberately stupid. Or who was four years old.”

I can recall, too, the way my parents looked as they thumbed through page after page of abuse and home truths. And also the look of utter bewilderment when the deputy principal who taught French said I’d been a “quiet” member of the set. This might have had something to do with the fact that I hadn’t been to a single one of his lessons. Because I’d been in the chemistry lab………………….playing with petrol.

My father would point out calmly that I’d let the school down, the family down and that I’d let myself down. My mother would throw frying pans at me. And I’d sit there, unable to conceive of a more horrible experience.

Now of course with the arrival of the Thingy soon the tide has changed and before I know it I will be the parent pouring over my kid’s school report to see if he or she is intelligent, smart and well liked ………..or French.

In the early years of a child’s schooling reports are fairly meaningless. You learn that your pride and joy has made a lovely paper plate without cutting her head off and that she has grown some flowers in a pot, and you swoon with joy.

But then as common entrance approaches, everything changes. For 12 years you’ve known, with no question or shadow of doubt, that your child is the greatest, most brilliant and most popular human being in the whole of human history.

You have had visions of him, on stage, collecting his Nobel Peace Prize for saving a polar bear called Pete. But then, suddenly, along comes a report that says that, actually, he’s a bit thick.

Teachers, of course, are very good at softening the blow. They use words such as “pleasing” and “encouraging,” no matter how many members of staff he has stabbed that term. “John is becoming very adept with his knife. Perhaps he would do well if he were to think about a career in a slaughterhouse.”

My English teacher Mr. Hounsel was brilliant at this. In my final report he said: “We like John very much. When he is sent to a young offender’s institute, we hope it is not too far away so that we can come to visit him from time to time.”

The trouble is that no matter how hard they try to mask the truth, you can’t ignore it, in the same way that you’d find it hard to ignore a tiger if it were in your car. Praise is lost in the background clutter. You’re used to it. Everyone is always nice about your kids. They have been since they were in a stroller.

But criticism; that’s a whole new area. That leaps off the page and hits you straight in the heart. “Jodi needs to concentrate more,” is no different from saying “Jodi has a face like a baboon’s arse”……………. It hurts.

Giving an honest appraisal of someone’s work is something that is never easy to do, especially with entertainers, dancers and musicians who are as highly-strung as you can get. But, I would always hope that one of reasons I am where I am today is that people told me when I did well and when I was shockingly awful. I am not a big fan of people who say “You are fantastic, well done.” and then once you have buggered off say “Did you see him on stage?………..He was dreadful.”

It’s not easy to always look an employee in the eyes and tell them they need to improve. I arrived here on the Carnival Valor to be inundated with complaints about a staff member. And after inspection it seemed they had cause to complain and indeed this person had no right to be in that position. What got the hairs on my bottom standing on end though was the fact that nobody had been prepared to do anything about it and waited instead for me to come onboard and be the complete bastard and fire them…..yep, an honest report from school or work is not always easy to give or easy to read.
As is the case in other areas of life.

I remember a year or so ago Heidi coming downstairs and asked me what I thought of her new outfit. I was honest. I gave her a proper report and said it made her look like a witch. And was she pleased? Was she hell? As we got into the car to go out, the windows frosted over on the inside.

Goodness me………..that was a long-winded waffle wasn’t it? Anyway, as I said most of the spring breakers have been great so far although one or two are a little …………. ummmmm …………tired and a little grumpy.

From: VALOR GUEST SERVICES SUPERVISOR
Sent: Monday, March 09, 2009 5:20 PM
To: VALOR CRUISE DIRECTOR
Cc: VALOR GUEST SERVICES MANAGER
Subject: Hi, John…FYI..
COMPLAINT ABOUT ANNOUNCEMENT
[3/9/2009 5:13:49 PM DEBA]
Guest Mr_________ called the GSD at 3:05 pm to complain about the announcements outside his cabin. Guest said that he did not get to bed until 4 am and was trying to sleep. Guest said that the last announcement was the worst and that he demanded a meeting with the captain. Guest started to swear and as the GSA tried to explain Mr _____ put the phone down. GSA tried to call back but again the phone was put down.
Regards,
Sr Guest Services Supervisor

Well, sorry mate that you went to bed at 4 am. I hoping to get some sleep myself in April. I make three announcements a day and unless an emergency arises they are never placed inside the cabin but just in the guest corridors and public spaces. I am well aware that some people hate the use of the PA system and I can understand how they feel but not going to bed until 4 am and swearing at the staff is not something I will accept.

I have been trying to call the cabin but so far have been unable to get hold of the guest. Anyway, as way of apology I have asked the trumpet section from the orchestra to stand outside his cabin at 6 am and play revelry.

And it’s not just the young ones who are a little grumpy

From: VALOR GUEST SERVICES
Sent: Monday, March 09, 2009 5:51 PM
To: VALOR GUEST SERVICES
Cc: VALOR CRUISE DIRECTOR; VALOR CRUISE STAFF; VALOR SHORE EXCURSION MANAGER; VALOR GUEST SERVICES; VALOR GUEST SERVICES SUPERVISOR; VALOR GUEST SERVICES MANAGER
Subject: Complaint about Belize

Good afternoon,

Please be advised that the guests from cabin ________ came to the desk. They said that they were from Belize and were going to see relatives when the ship arrives on Wednesday. They said they had attended the cruise directors talk this morning and were told that they had to use a tender sticker to go ashore. Guest said that because they were from Belize originally that they should be first ashore. GSA explained that we had to control the tender situation and the stickers were given out for the guests comfort. Mr _________ then said that he was the cousin of the Minister of Belize and that if we didn’t cooperate the ship would not be allowed to call there again. GSA said he would do all he could to help and advised the guests to be in the Eagles Lounge at 8 am. Please can we make sure they are on the first tender?
Thank you and kind regards,

Richard Slager
Guest Services Associate | Carnival Valor

Ahhhh, yes. I can see the letter now

Dear Mr.Cahill:
Because you didn’t allow my cousin to come ashore without a tender sticker please don’t send your ships here anymore as we don’t want the valuable tourist dollars they bring with them
Signed
Ivor Screwloose
Minister of Bugger All

Anyway, I called the guest who I must say was extremely rude and we will get him ashore on the first tender without having the need to wear one of those awful tender stickers. I reminded him the last tender from the pier to the ship was at 5:30 pm ………………. oh bugger…………..its 4:15 pm…………oops.

However, 99% of the guests are wonderful and only on a Carnival ship would you see such a cross section of ages all blending together to have fun. They have enjoyed glorious sunshine today and now as I sit here at 12:35 am I am content that the ship’s crew is once again doing a wonderful job. Both performances of Nightclub Express received huge standing ovations as did the Godfather of Comedy Eddie Capone for the first of his two late night adult comedy specials. The live music venues are hopping and the One Small Step Dance Club looks like Studio 54……..it’s thumping……….wish the DJ would play more Wham though.
Let’s pause for a few moments to answer more of your questions marked for my reply ………………..here we go.

FLIP FLOP CRUISE QUEEN Asked:
John, PLEASE RESPOND,
Great blog as usual! It is so nice to have you back being a CD again–I LOVE IT when you include the guest comments!
When you are participating in the special events in San Francisco, are these things that those of your fans that live in this area can see you at? It will be so great to have you so close and I know that there are tons of us who live in the area that would love to come out and see you!!! Please let us know! Oh, and by the way, I signed up to host a Carnival, Sunday Fun Day, event at my house, so hopefully I am picked and you can join us! CHEERS!
Sheryl
Thanks,
Sheryl

John Says:
Hello Sheryl
I am so glad to hear from you and that you continue to enjoy the blog thingy. From what I have been told so far the San Francisco event is a two-day familiarization cruise for travel agents and that there are no public events scheduled. However, it would be wonderful to meet up with all my Californian friends. I will let you know what hotel I am staying at and maybe we can find time to all meet up. I hope you are chosen to host one of the Sunday Funday parties and as always I thank you for being such a loyal Carnival supporter.
My best to you and the family
John

Cruzin2some Asked:
gammy3gks
John,pleasereply
Hi John… Thank you for taking time out of your busy CD life to answer past questions from me. You are simply put, ‘amazing’! Anyway, two reasons for this letter. I had wrote previously about the scrap booking program onboard the Valor needed a drastic uphaul and was wondering if you had had a chance to check it out or talk with Amy (who was in charge of this when we cruised in December)? I have been chatting with several people from different boards that love to cruise ‘all things Carnival’ but disappointed in the supplies had by the crew. Thank you. Also, I can hardly believe all the disgruntled passengers you deal with each cruise! How horrible!! I think it would be fun for us if you would put up some of your funniest and most ridiculous comments made by passengers! Make our day! God bless you, Heidi and Thingy!

John Says:
Hello Gammy
Scrapbooking………..you are so right it has become a massive hit across the fleet. I have been here three weeks and when I arrived I saw what you saw. We were holding the event and it was well attended but you were correct the supplies we had were basic and we didn’t have enough for the 25 people who attended each class. So, that has now changed and we have supplies aplenty plus we are looking at adding new items for the scrapbooks themselves. This is an activity that is very important and we will continue to make it better
Cheers
John

Naomi & Marty Asked:
Reply only if you want to…
Hi John, We are Elaine’s parents and the first time I have ever come on this website. Having a hard time figuring your site out but will keep trying. We were so looking forward to seeing you once again on our March 29 sailing. This will be our 21st with Carnival and would have been our fourth or fifth with you. This cruise is the start of our 75th and 80th birthday celebrations this coming May & June. This time there will be six of our family, five of us Platinum. On our next one in June, I’ll already be 75 and Marty will turn 80 on the cruise…(ssshhh it’s a surprise cruise for him). I’m sorry we will miss you this time but know for sure that we will again catch up with you in the future.
I really came on here to tell you Mazel Tov on the upcoming birth of your baby. I was thrilled when Elaine told me you were going to be a Daddy… I just know that you & Heidi will be absolutely wonderful parents. I was also wondering if you’ll have the baby with you on the ship the first years of his/her life. You can either email Elaine (it’s her email address I gave), let everyone know here or send me a letter to cabin 6338 Valor March 29th cruise…I think you know the address!!

John Says:
Hello Naomi and Marty
How wonderful to hear from and I am so disappointed I won’t be with you and all my other friends who were hoping to be with me on the Carnival Valor and especially as you will be celebrating your 21st cruise which is just fantastic. Thank you for the best wishes and I hope and pray my Thingy will be healthy and happy. I will contact Elaine and make sure we send a message. I am glad you have found me here on the blog thingy and I wish you both many many more happy years together.
Kindest regards
John

Bradley Asked:
Hi John,
I’m 15 years old and have been on seven cruises soon to be eight (all Carnival). Cruising is absolutely my favorite thing to do and I have decided that when I am older I want to be a cruise director for Carnival. I am sailing on the Carnival Splendor on 4/19 and I was wondering if you would be able to help me set up a meeting with Goose to discuss the schooling and other things required for the job. Thanks any help will be appreciated.

John Says:
Hello Bradley

Wow, so many cruises for one so young, you should be very proud. I will be happy to set this up for you and will send this request to my mate Goose on the ship. When you get onboard leave him a nice letter at the Information Desk with your cabin number on it and either he or one of his staff will get in contact with you. I wish you much success in your chosen career path and I have a feeling that you would make a brilliant cruise director. All the best and let me know if I can help further
Cheers
John

missingthesmokefreeparadise Asked:
JOHN – Please Reply
After giving it considerable thought (almost 18 months), I have decided that my trans-Atlantic cruise on the Carnival Splendor was not to my high standards and I therefore demand a complete refund, including all monies spent in the Casino.
As an alternative, I will accept category 12 accommodations, including airfare for the Carnival Dream trans-Atlantic crossing, with a substantial on-board credit to sooth my savage breast.
Jon

John Says:
Hello Jon
I have read your comment and can understand your concerns. Based on the length of time it has taken you to realize that you were not satisfied with the voyage and with view to the current economical climate it has been decided that we cannot offer you a free cruise or refund the $4 you spent in the casino. Instead and as a way of appeasing you we will be sending you a photo of me wearing my Dolly Parton costume. This we feel is what you deserve.
Please let me know if you would like me to sign it.
Cheers
John

Semper Fi Asked:
John please reply
copy of email sent to Stephanie yesterday
Stephanie/John,
Just to keep both of you in the communications loop. Thank you both for all your efforts. I did receive a call today from a PVP supervisor (William 85477) again he was very nice but of no help at all. The cruise on the Carnival Pride as a matter of fact due to the loss of the early bird discount the fare has now increased from 5160.00 to 6983.00 for Cindy and I and the 4 kids plus the granddaughter and that is on an assignment basis for the kids 2 cabins and that is another part that has us upset, we had worked with our PVP Jose Arreaza(who for the record is a great guy and very helpful person) we had 3 cabins all arraigned on the Carnival Pride for the July 17 2009 sailing. Cindy’s and mine was cabin number ### which was and extended balcony the kids had the 2 adjoining cabins ### and ### this was going to be perfect as the kids could share our balcony. However that is all gone now according to William. Both Cindy and I are very appreciative of your efforts however nothing except the fare has changed. As a mater of fact we are currently considering cancelling the freedom trip booking number 4×6h 89 cabins ###. this will cost us close to 1000.00 to do this however just maybe it will get the attention of someone in senior management as they start to access why they are loosing brand loyal guests.
In any case Stephanie and John you both are aces in both of our books and we wish you both the very best.
Again Cindy and I thank both of you for your efforts.
Bill
ps.
In the blog 2 days ago John was answering questions and one hit a major nerve..
Rositer11-Carnival lifer Asked:
Please reply- you could just email me directly
John you said a while back the 2010 schedule was done any word when we may see a peek. Also you said you were looking into how much Carnival will charge for a baby, just curious.
John Says:
Hello Rositer
Well, at this point much of the fleet will remain where it is. The Carnival Glory will spend some summer months sailing out of New York before heading down to Miami and the Carnival Dream will make Port Canaveral her home. However, there may be more changes down the road and soon as any changes occur I will let my blogging friends like you know. Hope this answers your question and if you have any ship specific ones I will be here if you need me.
Best wishes
John
The second question was never answered…. the answer is full fare

John Says:
Hello Bill
Thank you so much for your candid reply. I am glad that we managed to get someone to call immediately following your request but obviously disappointed that they were unable to give you the news you wanted to hear. Our loyal repeat cruisers have never been more important to us and although they may seem like just words they are words that are meant most sincerely. I truly hope you don’t consider cancelling your Carnival Freedom voyage and if you can think of anything that I can do to stop you doing so please let me know.
I remain at your service
John

Jennifer and Danny Asked:
Please reply.
John, congratulations on two years, hope you do many more.
Can you tell us who will be CD on the Victory on May 8 out of San Juan and on the Pride out of Baltimore on Sept. 8? We are booked on both.
It won’t be long before you are changing those smelly diapers. ha ha!!!
Our best to Heidi.
Jennifer and Danny

John Says:
Hello Jennifer and Danny
The cruise director on the Carnival Victory for your May 8 cruise will be the one and only Wee Jimmy who is a whole bundle of Scottish fun. Then on the Carnival Pride you will have the pleasure of being entertained by one of our very best Mr. Mark Price from England. Two very different cruise directors, both of whom will make sure you have a fantastic time.
The diaper thing is a story for another day…………..help
Cheers to you both
John

Alex Asked:
Dear John,
Please Reply….
Earlier today I found myself reading an article about the ports in the Caribbean and how many seasoned cruisers are seeking out new, more exotic itineraries that include ports such as St. Croix and Tortola, and it got me to wondering, does Carnival have any new Caribbean ports or itineraries launching in the 2010-2011 schedule?
I came across a Carnival charter a few weeks ago that is including Cancun, Mexico as a port-of-call. I know that Cancun does not have a pier to accommodate a large cruise ship, but has any consideration been given to offering Cancun as a tendered port on a future Western Caribbean itinerary?
Certainly the city has the infrastructure to handle the influx of guests from a cruise ship, and the city is already well known as a wonderful beach destination for vacationers. I know I would be at the front of the line to put my deposit down if Carnival were to offer a Western Caribbean itinerary that includes Cancun as a port-of-call, perhaps as an alternative to Calica, Progreso, Grand Cayman or Belize that is offered on most of the Western itineraries.
Give my best to Heidi and the Thingy.
Regards,
Alex

John Says:
Hello Alex
What a great post and let’s start by asking you a question. Have you been to Grand Turk yet? If not that certainly should go on your list of places to visit on a Carnival cruise as it is a simply sensational destination. I have never actually been to Cancun but I did check on the charter you are referring to and yes the ship will be calling there and will tender guests ashore on what I am told is quite a long journey. One of the things we look for when choosing a port of call is not just the destination itself but the infrastructure the port has and the accessibility of transporting the guests ashore as easily as possible. This means wherever possible trying to avoid tendering. Cancun is very similar to Cozumel wit the same type of downtown feel and similar beaches etc. Whereas Cancun is not an easy port to get to, our guests ashore in Cozumel has three different piers for the larger ships of today to dock alongside which is why Cozumel has become one of the most frequented ports in the Caribbean. So, for now we have no plans to send ships regularly to Cancun but if they decide to build a pier then who knows, maybe we will go one day. I would be interested to hear why you would like a ship to call there. As I said, I have never been and it would be great to hear from someone who has what it has to offer
Look forward to hearing from you soon mate
Cheers
John

Randi Asked:
Dear John, Please Reply…
Below is a message I sent you months ago. You indicated I should contact you a week before our sailing. Anything you could do to make this 1st birthday a very special one would be greatly appreciated. Take care,
—–Original Message—–
From: Heald, John (CCL)
Sent: Sun 5/25/2008 2:01 PM
To: Leavitt, Stephanie (CCL)
Subject: Re: Question from the blog
I truly hope that I am on board with you to mark this special occasion.
Regardless, I promise I will make your family’s cruise extra special.
Please remind me a week before you sail so I can take care of this.
Best regards to all the family.
John

John Says:
Hello Randi
Thanks for the reminder. James – Assistant CD will have a little surprise ready for you
Cheers and have a wonderful time with the family
John

“BIG” ED Asked:
JOHN PLEASE REPLY
John, you won’t believe what I just found. It looks like the arse of the seas has a reward program for people that go on the internet and post positive comments about the arse of the seas. When you read these two posts you will see just what the arse of the seas will go through to get people to sail on arse of the seas. The first one is from Anita Dunham-Potter that she first posted Friday.

http://www.tripso.com/columns/royal-caribbean-goes-viral-with-their-royal-champions/

http://consumerist.com/5166291/royal-caribbean-caught-infiltrating-review-sites-with-viral-marketing-team?skyline=true&s=x

We that sail on Carnival ships know why we sail with Carnival. Many of us sail only with Carnival. Some of us have sailed on the arse of the sea before and now only sail with Carnival. We profess our love for Carnival without being offered a reward to do it.
You can also go to my blog to read the story

http://ekonefe.wordpress.com/2009/03/09/paid-cheerleaders-does-royal-caribbean%e2%80%99s-viral-campaign-cross-the-line/

BIG ED
PS; rcl CLIMB THIS

John Says:
Hello Ed

I have to admit I was astonished when I read this and there really is nothing else to say as my great friend Anita Dunham Potter has said it all. I am sure this is a debate that will continue for sometime and my personal opinion is that I think it’s just wrong. I have always tried to post the good, the bad, and the ugly here and allow everyone to speak their mind. I will stop writing the blog if that was not the case. Thanks mate and as always my best to you both
John

Leroy & Pat Asked:
John please reply:
Reading the blog today is says you are flying out of Belize March 19. I thought you were on the Valor the month of March. We were bringing something special for you & Heidi and the Thingy. We will be on the March 29 sailing and we were really looking forward to sailing with you for the week. Does this mean you won’t be on the ship that week? We are still bringing the Rhubarb wine.
Leroy & Pat

John Says:
Hello Leroy and Pat
Here are two more people I have let down by having to leave the ship earlier and that makes me so very sad and I am awash with guilt. I won’t be here as I have been asked to assist with the Carnival Splendor and her arrival to California. If you still want to give Heidi and I and the Thingy something you can leave it with the CD David onboard or mail it to the PO BOX ADDRESS at the side of this blog. Once again I am so sorry for letting you down and enjoy the rhubarb wine………in small quantities
Kindest regards
John

Frank Rist Asked:
Hello John,
John Please Respond,
I just am in love with your website; I always know I’ll get a good laugh when I read your posts. I had two questions for you. First of all I read in your most recent post about Belize and the new tender ticket program. Does that apply to all Carnival ships that go to Belize now or just the one you’re on? We are going there next month on the Miracle and were worried about getting ashore in time for Major Tom and the cave tubing. Also is Carnival still doing the booking on-board or not? We are ready to book a cruise on the Inspiration for 2010 and were going to wait to do it on the Miracle for a better rate and lower deposit? But yet we can seem to find out if that is still available

John Says:
Hello Frank
I am very happy that the blog brings you some laughter and I will always do my best to make sure that continues. The new tender ticketing system is now in effect on all ships that call in Belize so I promise you that you will not miss your excursion. We are indeed now taking future bookings on board. We tried it about five years ago and never got it right but this time we do and it will be available on the Carnival Miracle. Ask one of the loyalty experts there and they will help you and if you have any other concerns I will do my best to assist as well
Have a great cruise and best to you and the family
John

cruzn buckeye Asked:
John – please reply-
Thank you so much for and congratulations on this blog thingy anniversary! I love reading it and it helps me take care of my need to cruise….well…it and also cruise critic of course!
I was reading that there will be changes in scheduling in 2010. I am booked on the Carnival Dream out of PC for September of next year. Now, I am a little worried that her schedule may change; I hope she doesn’t go to Europe because I can’t fly that far do to medical issues. I would really love it if you happened to be the CD at that time! I had read before that you may be filling in for the current CD while he is on vacation. What are the chances of you being onboard then? Also, are any blogger cruises for 2010 decided yet?
I would love to join you on the Dream later this year but my cruise in September is booked on the Liberty. I don’t cruise in Nov/Dec. timeframe.
Thanks again!
cruzn

John Says:
Hello Cruzn Buckeye
Great to hear from you and rest easy as there are no changes currently planned for the Carnival Dream as she will still be sailing those great Eastern and Western Caribbean cruises in 2010 from Port Canaveral. I am not sure what 2010 will bring but I do know that I want to spend more time as cruise director then I will this year. As for 2010 and the Bloggers Cruises, well we will have to start thinking about that very soon won’t we? I have a few early plans in my mind and later this year I will tell you all about them.
Cheers
John

Stephen Smith Asked:
Please Reply
John,
I read the posting a few days ago about the terminally ill child who needed to be in the first seating due to his stamina. I must admit I was dismayed to find the problem had to get to you to get solved. I have written on occasion offering suggestions to CCL on what I believe would make them a better cruise line (not an easy task as Carnival does a great job!) So here goes.
I have always believed in the concept of rules and guidelines in regards to company policies (I now own my own company and prior to that had been in senior management for a Fortune 500 firm) allow me to explain. A rule would be along the lines you can’t hit a coworker no matter how much they irritate you or what they say about you. A guideline would be Carnival doesn’t confirm seating requests until sailing. However in situations where common sense would tell you to do otherwise as in the case of the ill child’s need for first sitting we would allow the customer service rep to make the obvious call. The concept is quite simple. We don’t want our employees to be held hostage by a rule that in certain situations doesn’t make sense. When we implemented this strategy the impact was fantastic. The employees’ morale went up and turnover went down. I also might mention we had fewer customer complaints. Yes, there were rare occasions a bad decision was made or the power was abused. When that happened we coached the employee and if that didn’t solve the issue they were offered career counseling as they left the building. We taught our staff to use the “common sense” measuring stick when contemplating going outside company guidelines. That is to say, does it make common sense to do what the client is asking and is it in the best interest of all parties (the customer and the company) to grant the request. In the case of the terminally ill youngster the answer is obvious. I look forward to your thoughts.
John, you do a great job and I salute Carnival for seeing your value by making you Brand Ambassador for the line. A Carnival cruise might not be perfect for everyone. However, what Carnival promotes is exactly what they deliver and I believe that simple concept is why your employer is as successful as it is. Great job!
Stephen Smith

John Says:
Hello Stephen
A terrific post and I thank you for taking your valuable time to pass on what are excellent points and I am sure that with codes of business like this your company is I am sure a most successful one. Since reading the comment regarding the terminally ill child I immediately made sure that this request was given priority and indeed the request for early dinner time has of course been granted and we now have an open door ready to receive any and all requests that will make this cruise a special one for the family.
You asked for my view. Well, although I cannot blame anyone specifically I was upset that this situation had not been taken care of straight away. However, this blog ahs become so much more that me just waffling on about my life as a cruise director and has I think morphed into a way for the personal one-on-one service that we offer onboard our ships to our Carnival guests before and after their cruises. The corporate world has become so impersonal. Just a few days ago I had to call my bank about something and after calling the UK number of my local branch I found myself talking to some robaton in India. I used to be able to talk to my bank manager but now I have someone who has never met me and is reading from a script dealing with my request. So, being able to give personal service is something I strive to do on the blog and hopefully that personal service is something that we can try to implement within our shoreside departments
I thank you again for taking the time to write and send you warmest regards
John

flipflopcruisequeen Asked:
John, PLEASE RESPOND
Heidi looks absolutely adorable! If we couldn’t see her belly, we would never know that she is with Thingy. And, the scones look like they turned out perfect! I am sure that you will get some fresh made ones when you get home.
That was wonderful that the Indian crew had a chance to view Slumdog Millionaire–what a great movie it is!
Will Heidi and Thingy be joining you for the Trans Atlantic cruise in October? It would be great to see her again and have the chance to meet Thing 1!
Thanks again for another great blog!
Sheryl

John Says:
Hello Sheryl
The idea is indeed for Heidi and I to sail the TA cruise with the Thingy of course. Obviously we will need to get permission for our family physician Doctor Ramitin but if he says yes………..we will see you there.
Cheers
John

Dennis Casteel Asked:
John Please reply:
Our family is starting to plan a reunion and friends cruise next summer for my wife’s 50th birthday. We have decided to sail on the Carnival Splendor next June. We sailed the route years ago when the Tropicale was new. In looking at the deck plans for the Splendor we are very interested in the Cat 9 corner cabins at the stern of the ship. We can tell that the balcony areas are great but we cannot figure out the layout inside the cabin. Do you happen to have some pictures of any of those cabins or can some be found. We have spent a lot of time on cousin Princess but look forward to sailing on Carnival once again. Hopefully you can find someone to help us with this before we book.
Thanks
Dennis Casteel

John Says:
Hello Dennis
It sounds like you have a wonderful trip planned on the Carnival Splendor next year. The cabins you refer to are wonderful and the layout is pretty much the same as most of the deck 9 balcony cabins. However, it’s the balconies themselves that are truly spectacular and of course the views for these extra large space s are amazing. Let me see if I can sneak in during turn around on Sunday and take a photo for you. Obviously I can’t now because they are all occupied but I am sure I can do so later for you. If I forget to post them give me a gentle nudge
Let me know also if you need any other help and it will be an honour to welcome you home to carnival
My best to you and the family
John

Mary Lou & Lee Lovelace Asked:
Dear John, I remember back a few years on my first cruise that it was a real hassle to tip with the envelopes and cash. Much easier now. But John, please answer, is this the service staff’s ONLY source of income? I was thinking they got a regular salary and that the tip was “extra.”
I routinely give extra cash to outstanding staff, like my waiters or room staff, besides the prepaid.
Can’t wait til December to see you on the Dream. Lee is almost through with his chemo and radiation, and it has been a hard road, but he and I are so looking forward to being on the Dream.
Love to you, thingy and Heidi, Mary Lou

John Says:
Hello Mary Lou and Lee
There has always been a myth that some of the crew is paid only gratuities and not a salary. This is not true and although the salaries of the service staff (waiters and stateroom stewards) is complemented by gratuities as in land-based restaurants, etc. each and every one of them receives a salary from Carnival Cruise Lines. I have been thinking about Lee and hope his final chemo session will be his last ever. Please tell him he has been in my thoughts.
Best wishes to you both
John

Stephen Asked:
My imminent hero, John
Firstly I just wanted to thank you, I know you probably get a lot of people dropping by just to say thank you, but it is coming from the bottom of my heart. My cruise on the Valor from the 22nd-1st March around the Caribbean was the best holiday of my 19-year-old life. I didn’t know what to expect when coming aboard, I was under the illusion it would be full of old people with their Zimmer-frames fighting over pork chops at the diner and young couples dry humping up on deck in front of everyone. But I was pleasantly surprised to see that there was a large demographic of people on there. And that’s partly why I am writing to you.

I came on the cruise with my sister and you could say that she acted as a makeshift repellant to the girls on there because it appeared too many that she was my girlfriend. There was a number of girls from the ship who I would love to get talking to so I have got someone to share the memories of one of the best times of my life with. And that’s where I was hoping you could help. I saw in a previous message you could check to see how many teenagers were present in a future cruise. Is there any chance whatsoever that you could help me out. I have been scouring Google until my eyes went square trying to find some sign that there was someone else out there who went on the same cruise as me, but I can’t find a thing. It’s now crystal clear to me that I have too many regrets that I just can’t seem to shake out of my head. So I was hoping that you could work some magic for me just to make my Carnival experience that little more special. I hope I can hear back from you soon as it’s been driving me crazy.
Thank you in advance from a definite future cruiser,
Ste from Liverpool
P.S Good luck with the baby and Thank you again to yourself and the crew onboard the Valor from 22nd February- 1st March

John Says:
Hello Stephen
What a brilliantly poetic post and one I know all the readers will have enjoyed. There are still some people who believe that cruising is for certain demographics only but as you so eloquently wrote, that is not true. I am so glad you enjoyed yourself and as far as anyone else being on that cruise with you let me give you some tips. Try www.cruisecritic.com and www.cruisemates.com which are sites where people post their reviews of their cruise. You might want to try my Facebook page as well as many of your generation slap on stuff there as well. Let me know how your search goes and as we have thousands of readers every week here on the blog thingy you may get some replies soon.
My best to you and your sister and all the other scousers
Cheers
John

Bob and Donna Asked:
John reply if you wish –
John,
Regarding Ron’s comments today about open dining on the Carnival Legend — we sailed on the Legend January 25 and had requested open dining. Our experience could not have been more different. We were seated immediately each evening with the exception of one and that was at our own request — we wanted to wait for an open table with our favorite servers Clive and Made so we took a pager and waited about 10 minutes. In addition to eating at a time we chose, we feel that the service is actually even better because there are fewer people trying to eat at one time. Dessi, our Maitre d’ did a fantastic job making sure everyone was enjoying their evening. She made us (and everyone else) feel like they were the most important VIP in the room.
I realize Total Choice Dining is not for everyone so this is one where I think offering both options is the best plan. I’m certain many people prefer knowing the time, table and guests they will share the meal with. In our case we would not take a cruise where fixed seating was the only option.
Looking forward to our next Carnival cruise — even considering doing the Legend again we had so much fun.
Thanks!
Bob and Donna

John Says:
Hello Bob and Donna
It was great to read your comment about open sitting dining on the Carnival Legend. It seems that we have some areas we can improve on as we read in Ron’s comment but it also seems we are getting it right as well with your wonderful posting. This is new for us and there may be some bumps along the way but these days choice is important and so that’s what we need to offer.
Thanks for taking the time to write in and my best regards to you and the family
John

Mike & Lori Asked:
John,
We are so excited! We won a cruise one year ago through a time-share thingy (which we did not buy into!) and thought we were going to have to go on “whatever of the seas”. To our delight when we called to book, they told us it would be the Carnival Sensation on Apr. 2, 2009. So in just three weeks we will be sailing the Sensation for the second time. The first time was in 2004 for our 20-year anniversary and our first honeymoon that we had never taken. So, this will be a very romantic time for us to sail on her again five years later! Can you tell me who the CD will be? We are really looking forward to this trip. Thank you for all you do for Carnival and for being our friend not only on Facebook but on the blog as well.
The Drew’s
Mike & Lori

John Says:
Hello Mike and Lori
Congratulations on winning the cruise and you will have the irrepressible Paul Santley who is a scouser meaning he is from Liverpool. Paul is old school and has a joke for every occasion…….you will love him. I wish I could be there with you and I hope this belated honeymoon is a very special one
have fun and best to you both
John

Finally: remember a few days ago I received this comment from someone about a guest who had been writing on Cruise Critic about a charge on his Sail & Sign card? If not, here it is again followed by the resolution.

Longin2cruise Asked:
Hi John,
PLEASE REPLY
Sorry to give you another problem, but please look at the following thread on Cruise Critic.

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=935391

I know you are very active & very concerned about Carnival’s image. As much as I love Carnival cruises & the services onboard, the customer service department in Miami leaves a lot to be desired. Actually, in my opinion, you need to make time in your busy schedule to conduct training sessions with them. Ok, I know you don’t have the time, but you get the point. At one time I had a problem & I firmly believe that your intervention was the only thing that brought about a resolution. It’s hard for me to understand how a company that has the absolute best cruises in the world can be so lacking in home office customer service.

I’ve rambled on long enough, but I think this Cruise Critic thread deserves your attention. There is a Carnival customer who really needs a resolution to their problem. Whether this problem originated with Carnival or is some kind of scam perpetrated by crooks, it needs to be addressed.

Please give my best to Heidi & Thingy. By the way, I sure will be glad when Thingy gets here & gets a real name.

Carnival’s Reply:
A credit in the amount of $144.27 was erroneously posted to Ms. Lewis’ account as a result of a payment made to Carnival by another guest who specified the wrong booking number on her payment. Following the voyage, the error was noted and a request was sent to Ms. Lewis asking that the funds be returned to Carnival. The letter was sent after completion of the voyage, however, it was generated with an erroneous date which understandably raised questions. Although Ms. Lewis received the shipboard credit in error, given the confusion the situation has caused and in the interest of goodwill, we are waiving the amount due and her balance is now at zero. We sincerely apologize for the frustration this matter has caused.

I am sorry it took so long to figure this out but I am happy I was able to get it sorted eventually. We have contacted the guest directly but I wanted you all to see it as I know some of you were concerned.

Thanks to everyone for their patience in waiting for my reply. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.

Let’s have a look at Geo’s photo of the day…………or should I say photos. Here are two great shots of the Carnival Paradise.

Brilliant Geo – just brilliant.

OK, that’s it for me…………..I’m off to bed and will see you tomorrow and I will leave you with Jaime

March 9, 2009

Dear John,

Even though 25 crew members were not departing for Maccu Picchu today, those of us enjoying Lima – our only Peruvian port of call — still managed to make it a wonderful day! The morning began like most excellent days do, with tour distribution. Our amazing Assistant Cruise Director Brad brightened the day of one of our guests by personally escorting her to her shore excursion bus and managed to save her the front seat so that her injured knee would not be further hurt by climbing into and out of the bus. Brad worked his magic and managed to get her the seat of the guide. She told him how special he was and much she appreciated him and his hello. It is guests like these who are gracious and kind this that make our job worthwhile.

Speaking of Brad, he and the cruise director Goose have been working so incredibly hard during this entire itinerary. They have been planning new and exciting activities for all of the guests and they are dealing with ever-changing ports, and busy gathering new ideas for each of our incredible adventures. To be honest, they have such a huge responsibility and they have been working for 10 plus hours each day on capers, scheduling, lounge distribution and planning. I have gained so much respect for both of these men and they deserve much appreciation for all of their hard work throughout this entire run. I apologize for going off on a tangent, but they truly are doing a great job, and it so interesting to see all of the planning and behind-the-scenes work that goes into such a huge operation like a brand new itinerary.

At the conclusion of tours I had the wonderful opportunity to meet the three children of Pierre, our back lounge technician. I watched him embrace his family members that he had not seen since early November. Working on board a cruise ship is quite rewarding, yet when one is away from their loved ones for such an extended period of time is such a difficult challenge. I have never seen Pierre’s face light up so much as when he first saw his babies.

When guests were finally off on their tours, shuttle buses and daytime adventures, myself and many crewmembers headed to the lovely downtown area Mira Flores. As you head off the ship on a Sunday, no one is ever sure how many of the shops and restaurants will be open. Luckily, it seemed as if the port was planning for the arrival of the Carnival Splendor, because I do not think one place of business had “closed”sign hanging in the window. On our drive to downtown we went through some areas that were less that affluent, but when we finally reached our destination the wonderful Lancomer mall was set before us. I believe I heard the voices of angels resounding throughout the mall with each swipe of the Visa, MasterCard or American Express! This mall had an extremely Americanized store selection. Since we will be returning to our typical store selection within only a few days, a group of friends and myself decided to explore the downtown by going for a pleasant walk around the city.

Our walk brought us to such destinations as Love Park where a huge statue entitled “El Beso” (The Kiss) stand 30 feet high in the center. The red colored path and surrounding area was quite nice. It had a beautiful view of the city and beach and the only thing missing was… someone to kiss (I’m not bothered, though!) We continued our walk and we saw the downtown shopping area with an incredible opportunity for souvenir shopping! With only 13 days left until our return to the US, it is time so start expanding those suitcases with Peruvian and other South American memorabilia. Many hand-made scarves and glass blown figures were easily accessible at this marketplace.

After shopping was complete, it was time to replenish our bellies with the traditional Peruvian meal – ceviche. When pronounced correctly it sound like a derogatory term, when in actuality it is a tasty dish that was recommended by our Peruvian back lounge tech aka father extraordinaire, Pierre! We stumbled upon an awesome restaurant, slightly off the main drag where it appeared all of the locals went for lunch. After some difficulty communicating with the waiter at the restaurant, the three involved in my afternoon dining adventure ended up with two plates of seafood, chicken and rice, two other plates of seafood with rice, two salads, three beers, water and these reverse popcorn appetizers. The whole bill totaled $20 American dollars. I could be rich if I moved to Lima!

The day was quite nice. Even though there was no trip to Maccu Picchu, I did take a picture of the mountain from one of the local advertisements – so that is practically the same as going!

Back on board, it was Latin deck party night. We had a lovely sail away with a beautiful sunset, as we head toward our last South American port of call – Quito, Ecuador.

Our traditional Peruvian ceviche

The beach in downtown Lima Miraflores

The beautiful sunset as we sailaway toward Quito. Thank you to Lawrence for the picture

The kiss statue, at least they found love!

All the best,
Jaime D =)

Good Morning everyone. I have a friend who I won’t name who works for Carnival Cruise Lines onboard our ships. He is a very smart person and I remember him once telling me “Costa Maya is going to be the next Cancun, only better, you should buy some land.” Well, I considered it but said no, safe in the knowledge that our miniscule savings were safe with the men and women of AIG…………….the bastards.

Of course, if I had have bought property in Costa Maya the chances are that thanks to Hurricane Dean that property would probably be destroyed as most, if not all, of the property in this quiet Mexican town was. Dean was one angry storm and I remember.

The National Hurricane Center saying that it was the first top-level category 5 storm to make landfall in the Atlantic Basin since Hurricane Andrew in 1992. Dean packed sustained winds of 165 miles per hour (268 kph), with stronger gusts, when it came ashore, but weakened to a still-dangerous category 3 hurricane as it passed over the Yucatan Peninsula.

You know, at this point I was going to post some photos of the devastation this hurricane caused but then I decided not to dwell in the past and instead stay with the present. And so here are a few photos of today’s Costa Maya………..it was great to be back.

There are certain moments in a child’s life that he or she will take all the way to the grave. Discovering that your parents spent the formative years of your life lying to you is one: there is no Tooth Fairy; that strange, obese bloke with a beard does not creep into your house under the cloak of darkness to leave you gifts once a year because he does not exist and, furthermore, his image as we know it was entirely created by a corporate fat cat as a means to sell more Coke and rot your teeth.

Also, my Thingy will not arrive thanks to a kindly stork who will deliver him or her to our doorstep. You will not be marrying a princess. My sister Suedrip’s cat did not get taken to live on a farm (in the sky); he was crushed under the wheels of my Dads car.

As sure as I know these facts to be true I also know that anti-aging face creams don’t really do what they say they do…………….yet the my wife spends ages putting these creams on and I won’t mention that each pot costs the same as caviar.

However, being told to in advertising that this cream will take away pores, fine lines, age spots and crow’s feet and make you look 10 years younger is in my humble opinion…….a bunch of bollocks.

While I’m not entirely sure what crow’s feet are, I am assured by her that one day I will have them, and that until that time comes I should obsess about them endlessly at the expense of all rational thought, until my face is covered in worry lines. I already have a hippo’s bottom so I guess crow’s feet won’t be so bad.
…….”Anti-aging cream my arse.”

I have been a bit grumpy these last few days because my Raspberry has stopped working. This means I am buggered and have to rely on the ships e-mail to stay in touch with Heidi and when finally it starts to work my in box will be overflowing with e-mails and work requests.

My old raspberry never packed up and always worked while this Raspberry Bold is as useless as a celibate monk asking to be Paris Hilton’s friend on Facebook… Oh, it could take pictures and connect itself to the interweb but its battery goes flat every 30 seconds, and when it came to the business of wanting to send an e-mail, I had to be actually sitting on the ship’s satellite receiver which may have helped with the signal but played merry hell with my hemorrhoids. What’s even more annoying is that the Cellular At Sea thingy we have at Carnival seems to work on every Nokiarolaerickson phone but not on my Raspberry.

When it does work and I can send an e-mail the Raspberry Bold appears to have found a way to drive a man to drink. You’re no doubt familiar with this. You type in “Bu” and it spends the rest of time guessing what the rest of the word might be. Tomorrow? Tornado? Tospot? It just can’t understand that you want to write “to” because, of course, in text speak, that’s spelt two.

Anyway, to disable the facility meant delving into the handbook, which contains 104 pages. Yes, 104 pages. For a phone. I knew I was in trouble. However on Saturday none of this mattered because I turned it on and the screen started to melt quicker than Michael Jackson’s nose in a microwave and it dumped all my files, my saved files and now just sits there looking at me like a hillbilly at the opera.

So, I am Raspberryless and there is bugger all I can do about it until I get to California. I walk around now feeling like I have forgotten to put my underpants on and cursing the day I got rid of my faithful old blue and basic raspberry……I shall miss old Roger ……… yes…….I named it Roger the Raspberry and what I wouldn’t give to feel Roger next to me one more time as I gently caress his tracking wheel.

And so to finish with today I want you to meet two wonderful people who sum up so perfectly what Carnival cruising is all about.

What a great guy. English may have not been his first language but he spoke the language of laughter fluently and has become a much loved member of the ship guests of every age taking photos of him………….I spoke to him last night and here is what he said ” Is my first cruise, I only go Carnival now and flank you for make me famous.”

I just wanted to scoop him up and hug him. He’s a Carnival fan now and that makes me feel famtastic.

Now, meet Grandma

So, there she is. Married for 60 years to a veteran of World War II. I spoke to them both this morning where as promised I arranged to meet them for a family photo.

I had seen him briefly at the captain’s cocktail party the night before and noticed he was proudly wearing his medals. I mentioned this to him but he shrugged and said something I will never ever forget. “No matter what it means or says on the back the medals will never make up for the friends whose lives I couldn’t save.”

I just stood there, head bowed…………………..with nothing to say.

Last night the Miami Heat beat the Chicago Bulls in a magnificent double overtime win. After the game some of the players will be called heroes. They always are. But trust me on this: when you see what it took for this man to stay alive and when you hear the stories of the hell that was Arnhem………….“heroes” is completely the wrong word.

One footnote: Last night at dinner Grandma and her husband received a bottle of wine at dinner with a note from some spring beakers seated near them at dinner. Grandma told me the note read:

“Thank you for saving the world.”

It was signed by eight “Huskies” from the University of Connecticut ………… spring breakers……………they are simply brilliant.

Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and The Thingy

Then the excitable voice got much louder………….”Peter”………………”Peter,” it bellowed and this time I looked up to see a lady in her fifties waddling towards to me ay 90 mph. Now, my first reaction was to look over my shoulder for a Peter but I already new that it was 8:50 am and the only two other people at the coffee shop were Doctor Carlos and the food & beverage manager whose name is Anhil……..who then………….was Peter ………….it was then I realized …….she was talking to me.

Her waddle had brought her right next to me, so close in fact that I could tell that she and Colgate had never been best friends.

This was now getting weird

She started to look me up and down like she was considering buying me and that’s when I had to say something as I was getting concerned that she was a possible axe-wielding maniac and any minute now her head would rotate and green pus would shoot out of her mouth.

I was about to say something when she said……..oh my goodness, it’s really weird and kind of scary. I was about to say “Yes, you are darlin” when she carried on “You are the spitting image of Peter Calbore our dentist…….are you from Iowa?…….are you a dentist?”

OK, at this point I considered telling the old cruise director joke where you say “No ma’m, I am a male prostitute” but as this situation was already strange enough I didn’t want to exasperate her in any way. So, I said no I am from the UK, etc. etc. and then I spent the next 10 minutes while my frapacrapoochino thingy got cold and my fellow officers buggered off sniggering into theirs.

After she finished telling me about who wonderful Peter Calbore was as a dentist she then took a camera out of her bag and took a photo of me to show the tooth doctor when she got home……..and as she turned to waddle of I said “Enjoy the rest of the cruise” and she replied. “You too”….and my fears were realized…she had no bloody clue who I was.

So, is there some poor unfortunate creature out there who looks like me or had this lady been mixing the Dramamine and the Prozac again…………..later that day I was speaking about this with the Doctor who told me some interesting facts. According to the doctor and his degree in medicine from the University of Madrid, genetically speaking, you are almost completely identical to every other living thing on the planet.

Apparently, if I could break into your house tonight and alter your DNA by just 2% you would wake up in the morning as a piece of broccoli or a dung beetle or a chair leg.

The doc stated that there are billions of us on the planet. Which means we cannot all be different.

There simply cannot be seven billion permutations of human being, any more than there can be seven billion permutations of a bar of soap……and that to me is very scary.

Think of those nature programs where the narrator whispers that all salmon find the spot where they were born, and have rumpy pumpy and die. There is never a salmon swimming the other way, smoking a Cuban cigar and wearing a “Fun Ship” Freddy hat.

But saying that……..I have never met anyone who is like me. And you have never met anyone who is like you. But it’s a mathematical certainty that there are several of you out there and several of me………….scarily, that means there are several Judge Judy’s as well.

And so I guess I look like Peter the dentist from Iowa. It’s just my luck that I am apparently the doppelganger of someone who has a profession that makes me soil my underwear ……………why can’t I be the spitting image of a playboy from Miami. What’s even scarier is that the lady guest who waddled over to seem and tell me about my long lost brother Peter also said “You and Pete have a third brother……..Gomer Pile” ………….. As I write I have no idea who or what a Gomer Pile is and you know what………I don’t think I want to know.

I am sorry I didn’t write yesterday but I needed a day to get things together for this forthcoming cruise…………..more on that later. Last cruise went well. I don’t think the audience was in tune with me as last cruise but that’s not their fault. The itinerary of the Carnival Valor’s eastern Caribbean cruise had one-and-a-half sea days at the start of the cruise and two sea days at its end. This allowed me more stage time then on this itinerary with the four straight port days which include two shows involving the dancers and a magic show none of which I am sadly involved in.

However, the morning shows, welcome aboard show, marriage show and bedtime story all went well and once again we met some wonderful characters. During the talent show I had been asked to surprise a young lady by invi………you know what……………rather than me tell you why not have a look at what happened

Fancy chewing gum while you are asking your girlfriend to marry you…….kids today. We gave them a DVD of the proposal and should she ever change her mind he can play it backwards and it will have a happy ending.

The only negative about the last day of the cruise was that during the debarkation talk I introduced the highlights of the week video and it didn’t work……..there was no sound ………it was very frustrating. But these things happen and as a cruise director you have to be able to improvise and move on…………and then go backstage and insert your shoe into the audiovisual manager. Still, that’s not the worst thing about the last day of the cruise ………..nope…….that particular mantel goes to that awful, itchy, badly tailored Dolly Parton dress……….bugger!

There were very few complaints last cruise apart from one or two noise complaints created by fellow guests, entertainment noise from the lounges and vibration from the one night when we had strong winds and rough seas. There were a few comments from the non-English speaking guests about……………ummmm……………speaking too much English and one negative comment about the supper club. This had nothing to do with the food and again the restaurant was practically sold out every night. However, I do get the odd comment about not having the live music there anymore.

I know many of you miss this but honestly the amount of people who actually danced to them was a very small percentage. Also, due to the design of the supper clubs on the Conquest- and Splendor-class ships half the restaurant could not actually see the duo ……they could just hear them. And so it was decided that this duo could be better utilized elsewhere and therefore they all now play in our Deck 3 lobbies and I am sure most of you will agree that having live romantic music there has really improved the ambience.
Back in the supper clubs the secret now is to have the right background music playing.

You don’t want Def Leppard, Pee Diddly or Frank Zappa playing while you gaze into your loved ones eyes holding hands over a porterhouse steak. So, we will get this right and yesterday I sent a staff member out to buy lots of appropriate music including some light jazz, Michael Buble, Harry Connick Jr., some soft R&B and Ozzy Osborne’s greatest hits.

Live music is always best but we also have to put our resources where the most guests can enjoy them. Regardless, the supper club experience is one that continues to be a highlight for many and on this cruise 488 people enjoyed that experience here on the Carnival Valor…………I haven’t been yet……………..bugger.

Time to answer some questions marked for my reply…………..here we go.

Deborah Asked:
Hi John – Please replay.

We have a great group on Cruise Critic that will be sailing on the Carnival Dream TA – Oct 27. We were wondering how we can reserve a group reservation at the Supper Club. I know its way early, but we are a very active and pre-planning group.

I loved the pictures – thanks for sharing.

I use to have a 401K plan, then a 201K, then a 101K, now I have a 0.50K plan that is still going down. I’m with you – keeping my cash at home until this mess is fixed.

All my best to you Heidi and Thingy!

Debs

John Says:
Hello Debs
Congratulations on booking the Carnival Dream trans-Atlantic……….it’s going to be an amazing voyage. We of course will be able to do a group booking for you but it is a little early at the moment. Please send me the details in early August via they blog thingy and I will make sure I look after your reservation requests. Hope your money stays hidden and safe and hope to see you soon
Cheers
John

Christy Richardson Asked:
Dear John (please respond),
I have booked cruise for my self, my husband, our three children (one of which is autistic) and my in-laws on the Conquest April 12. I am trying to make plans for everyone, but I am having a hard time getting info from the special needs guest services. She is on a special diet, and we have heard that if you bring food on to other cruise lines, they can prepare them for you. Does Carnival do that as well, or will we just have to make do with what is served in the dining room. I am also having a hard time getting info on the activities in Circle C. Where can I find this info?

Also, I am so excited for my husband and son to see the Conquest. I have been on it once before and from the first minute I stepped on it; I knew I had to bring them on it someday. They are both art history buffs and I know they will love every room on the ship. Do you know if there are any tours or books on the artwork on the ship? I think they would enjoy this.

Thanks for all the info you give out on your blog. I read it everyday.

John Says:
Hello Christy
Let’s start by saying thank you for booking you and your family on the Carnival Conquest for what I promise will be a great family vacation. You asked about your child’s diet requirements so let’s start there. First of all my apologies that you have not had satisfactory service via the telephone and that’s why I am so glad we have this blog thingy to help fill in the cracks. We can indeed help with whatever you need so please send me the dietary requests and let’s see if we can provide everything onboard rather than you have to bring it with you. Please send this info to me and I will take care of it from there. You also asked about our brilliant Circle C club for 12 – 14 kids. Well, have a look at the Circle C Caper for this week here on the Carnival Valor and this will give you an idea of what to expect on the Carnival Conquest as the ships are very similar.

When you get on the ship you will find the Carnival Conquest book in your cabin which will have full information on the themes and artwork found around the vessel
Hope that helps a little and please let me know if there is anything else you need and hope to hear from you soon………oh, we do have some blog readers who also have children who are autistic and I know if you ask they will be happy to help in anyway they can regarding their cruise experiences.
Best wishes to you and all the family
John

Lorelei Asked:

Thank you for the great pictures from the Valor. I share them with the family and it makes us even more excited about our upcoming trip.

Now an invite – the Cruise Critic roll call for the March 15 Valor sailing is going to have a “meet and greet” right after the muster drill on the Lido deck rear bar (sorry I don’t know all the ship lingo or the aft from the stern). Our time with you is limited and we would love to have an opportunity to meet you. We plan on wearing green beads so hopefully we will be easy to spot.

John Says:
Hello Lorelei
Save me some beads and see you soon mate
Cheers
John

Scott Shields Asked:
Hey John,
How are you? I love reading your blog and watching the videos that you have posted on you tube. I think you are so funny. I have been on 11 Carnival cruises and have not had the chance to cruise with you. I have had 11 of them and the best one besides you would be Chris (I think) Jefferson or something like that. I sailed when Chris was on the Celebration and he just made the trip a good one. I am also glad to hear that the Celebration is no longer part of your fleet. After sailing on other ships and to go on the Celebration I was very disappointed, as I am sure I would be if I went on the Holiday, but Chris was just great. How much longer will they keep the Holiday in service? Also, I would love to be a CD or a Social Host, can you help me out? I hope to hear back from you soon.

Scott

John Says:
Hello Scott
Thanks for all the kind words and I am glad you have had so many wonderful cruises with us. The Holiday will leave us later this year. The Holiday class was massively successful and I’m sure she’ll continue this success sailing under the IberoCruises banner in Spain. Chris Jefferson will soon be the CD on the Carnival Conquest and as you mentioned he is a fantastic cruise director. If you would like more information on becoming part of the Carnival Entertainment team then may I suggest you start by looking at www.carnivalentertainment.com where you will find all the inside information on what the job is all about as well as how to proceed. I wish you much success mate.
Cheers
John

Longin2cruise Asked:
Hi John,
PLEASE REPLY
Sorry to give you another problem, but please look at the following thread on Cruise Critic.

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=935391

I know you are very active and very concerned about Carnival’s image. As much as I love Carnival cruises and the services onboard, the customer service department in Miami leaves a lot to be desired. Actually, in my opinion, you need to make time in your busy schedule to conduct training sessions with them. OK, I know you don’t have the time, but you get the point. At one time I had a problem and I firmly believe that your intervention was the only thing that brought about a resolution. It’s hard for me to understand how a company that has the absolute best cruises in the world can be so lacking in home office customer service.

I’ve rambled on long enough, but I think this Cruise Critic thread deserves your attention. There is a Carnival customer who really needs a resolution to their problem. Whether this problem originated with Carnival or is some kind of scam perpetrated by crooks, it needs to be addressed.

Please give my best to Heidi & Thingy. By the way, I sure will be glad when Thingy gets here & gets a real name.

Longin

John Says:
Hello Florence
I have this thread here now and will be investigating this myself. Please can you let this guest know that I am looking into this for him? I am sorry to read that some feel that our guest service department in Miami at times does not meet their expectations but let me check on this particular incident and I will advise as soon as I can. It has gone to the highest office at Carnival. Thanks for your concern and my best wishes to you and your family’
Cheers
John

luvcruisin Asked:
John,
If you have time, please respond.
I’m sending this again as it appears the first one is out there in cyberspace somewhere. Anyway, I’ve been away from the blog for about 9 months now and have been back reading it for a couple weeks now. I have to say, I love what you’ve done with it. I love that you put the comment before your replies. That makes it easier to match up. I also LOVE your videos. I would love to see more of those. Like more clips of your welcome aboard shows or other shows throughout the week. They are awesome.
My husband and I are planning a cruise on the Carnival Dream April 2010. Any chances that you will be the CD? I would love it if you were.
I think it was very sweet of you to give some money to that waiter that went out back to freshly squeeze some oranges for that undeserving couple that left before he returned. The world needs more people like you.
I wish you, Heidi and the wee thingy all the best.
Cheers
luvcruisin

John Says:
Hello luvcruisin (I wonder what your real name is?)
I am sorry that your first attempt at this post thing got lost in space and I am so glad you tried again and that you have been enjoying the blog so much and the format of this Q & A. I wish I was going to be the CD on the Carnival Dream but we have given this huge privilege to Todd Wittmer who will do a fantastic job. I will be there to host the inaugural functions and the naming ceremony as well as the two Bloggers Cruises in November and December so maybe we will be together then. Thanks so much for your kind words of friendship and I hope you will keep reading the blog.
My best to you and your family
John

Jim Maloney Asked:
John please reply
I always have a great time cruising with Carnival. I correctly have three cruises planned the first being on the Victory march 22 and I will have my 10th cruise on the Spirit on June 3. My question is. On my last three cruises I could never get a steak cooked the way I wanted. So how do you order to get it cooked the way I ordered it? I know that I could send it back but then I will be eating alone by the time they returned it. I know this is a corny comment but I have made it a mission to find a way to order my steak.

John Says:
Hello Jim
That’s a great question. You know, chef’s hate me because like many Brits I have to have my steak well done………..I mean…………really well done while Heidi likes hers waved in front of a candle for a few minutes and to her that’s cooked. Of course, being pregnant she can’t eat it like that at the moment. May I may a suggestion? When you enter the dining room ask the maitre d for a quick word. Tell him I asked you to speak to him ……… they all know me…….and mention your concerns. Then the maitre d will take your order into the galley and have it cooked as you like it……..how do you like it by the way? At least you know you won’t have to pay for it like you do on the “Raremediumorwelldoneitsnotfreelikeoncarnival of the Seas.” Please let me know when you get back from the Carnival Victory and I will alert the maitre d that you are on your way.
Bon Apetito
John

Sara Asked:
By the way, we are in cabin #### that week on the Valor, which looks to be right under the pools — and I have heard that they get quite noisy — is that true?

John Says:
Hello Sara
I have checked your beautiful balcony cabin out and it is under the area where the guests sit around the pool area. You may hear some ambient noise of a chair being moved during daytime hours but nothing at night. I checked with the guest services desk here on the Valor and we have no noise complaints showing for this cabin.
Let me know if you need anything else
Cheers
John

Rick H. Asked:
John:
Great pictures from Grand Cayman! Thanks and well done to Geo!
I love the postings of guest complaints! The half-empty bottle of wine was bad. Hmmm… I think the bottle I’ll be getting at the end of this month on the Miracle might taste a bit odd (but only after it’s empty). Just kidding!

A couple of quick questions about our upcoming Miracle trip: First, what can you tell me about our CD to be, Malcolm? Second, what activities should we consider in St. Kitts? We’re families traveling with kids ranging from ages 12 down to seven, and enjoy active excursions. Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

Best to Heidi and Thingy (I’m glad they’re doing well, even in the face of Carpal Tunnel and severe cravings for your presence), and thanks to Stephanie & the crew in Miami for keeping the blog thingy up & running!

Rick H.

ps: Jaime’s been doing a great job with the SA updates.

John Says:
Hello Rick H
I am glad you are enjoying the blog thingy and we have spoken to the dining room on the Carnival Spirit to alert them about you and your wine……..kidding. Malcolm Burn ………..wooohoo………that word will be one you will be hearing a lot from this vibrant and very funny man during your cruise. He is a terrific entertainer and don’t miss anything he does. Now, as for St. Kitts………..well, the answer is……………I have no idea as I have never been to this port. It’s one of the few that I have never been to so let me get you some expert advice from the ship itself and their shore excursion manager. Please give me 48 hours and I will be back to you. My best to you and all the family and thanks for all the kind words mate
Cheers
John

llie Asked:
Hi John,
Please reply
Loved the blog today!
In your blog of March 2 you posted
“I will be returning to the States on 24 April to host the special events in Baltimore to mark the arrival of the Carnival Pride.”
I am so excited to see the Pride coming here and even more excited that you will also be here. The one question I have though is that the 24th is a Friday. Is this a definite date? Will the general public be allowed to join in on the fun?? I hope so.

Please pass on my best to Heidi and little Thingy.
All the best to Steph & Steph.

Sallie

John Says:
Hello Sallie
I am glad you are so excited about the pending arrival of the Carnival Pride to Baltimore. It seems the whole city and beyond is feeling the same, I even did a radio interview for an oldies station in Delaware and they have a big group booked on the ship. The dates are around the 24th and yes they will be open to the public. I can’t give you any more information just yet but there will be something official soon including all the details and I of course will be posting them here on the blog thingy.
Hope to see you in Baltimore

Debbie Asked:
Hi John,
Please respond at your leisure directly – Does Carnival publish a captain’s schedule? I have known their best for many years and don’t want you lose touch. Any assistance would be appreciated!

Debbie

John Says:
Hello Debbie
We don’t actually publish this however if you would like me to tell you where a particular captain is currently serving or who is on a specific ship I will be more than happy to do so.
Cheers
John

Marylovestocruise Asked:
Dear John (please reply),
Long-time reader, first-time request. Could you please tell me who decides what the Platinum logo gift will be? I was very excited when I reached Platinum status, however, that was the first time thermos bottles were handed out. I now have five of them and nobody I know wants one!!

I am sailing on the Carnival Legend with my 85-year-old Dad, and 23-year-old son, we will all have reached Platinum status this cruise. Problem — now we will have three more thermos bottles! We would rather have an autographed picture of you (hint-hint) or maybe we could swap the thermos for oh, I don’t know a drink. Or a $5 off coupon in the gift shop. Or a mug. Or a John Heald item of interest. Or ANYTHING else.

I tried to bribe our cabin steward on our last cruise in January (on the beautiful Carnival Fascination), but he laughed out loud at me. Said others had tried, but alas…

My best to you and Heidi, we all feel like we know you even if we haven’t had the privilege of meeting you face-to-fact. I enjoy your blogs every day. Keep up the good work.

Carnival Legend, Cabin #

We anxiously await the arrival of the Thingy.

Thanks,
Mary Ruppert

John Says:
Hello Mary
Thanks so very much for the kind words. The Platinum gift is a subject close to many blog readers’ hearts and I am well aware that getting the same gift every time is a little frustrating to say the least. I can tell you that our repeat guests and the benefits we give them at Platinum level is a top priority and I assure you that you will see some very exciting changes. Like anything else though this takes time but I will make sure that your comments are listened to. We hope to be able to change the gifts much more frequently or have a choice for those who have achieved this milestone and I will make sure I let you know first here on the blog thingy
Best Regards
John

ROBERT & DORIS Asked:
HI JOHN,
PLEASE REPLY!
My wife and I just returned from our eighth Carnival cruise in the last 2 years, here is my guest number if you want to verify it, ######…
This is the first time that I feel like I just won’t be able to sleep again until I vent this to you.
We sailed on the Ecstasy 2/26/09.
I am so darn mad I could chew nails, the first morning of the cruise we went to Lido deck for the breakfast buffet by the pool, as always a buffet means you help yourself, BUT NOT ON THE ECSTASY! The bacon is rationed out by a server, and he acts like its funny to only give out two slices per plate, when we asked for more bacon he gave us each one more slice!
This was true at all four of the breakfast buffets on the ship for all four days…..
You could help yourself to anything else, but not the bacon…. I LOVE MY BACON, AND CARNIVAL CHEATED ME…..
NOW FOR MY NEXT COMPLAINT>>>

On all other ships we have sailed on, the smoking on lido deck was the entire starboard side…..but on the Ecstasy we were only given a few tables over by the pool, next to the screaming kids…..
I won’t even try to bore you with the other problems on ECSTASY like balcony doors on our suite that won’t close without three men to pull on it, or the elevators that are out of service, or the chef from India that cannot cook without curry on everything, and let’s not forget the broken ice cream machines.

THE last full day at sea we had 30-foot seas, and a very rough ride, the CAPTAIN got on the PA. system and apologized…….HELL we all know Carnival can’t control the weather… THE CAPTAIN should have apologized for the lack of bacon and smoking areas…..
THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT!!!
ROBERT & DORIS RAAB
GAUTIER MS.

John Says:
Hello Robert and Doris
There are a few people who think that I only publish the positive comments I receive here on the blog thingy and that of course is not true. I am glad that you are able to use this forum to “vent” and from what I have read I can understand why. I love bacon too and therefore I sympathize with the alleged rationing of it. I am sure it was served because of the sneeze guards which are required by United States Public Health. These are the Perspex sheets that cover the food and sometimes it is awkward for guests to reach in and take what they need hence having a server. However, whatever the reason there should be no reason as to why you couldn’t have as much bacon as you desired so please except my apologies. Smoking is a continuing issue and one that will always spark vigorous debate. Certainly since my time onboard I have seen smoking areas get fewer and fewer. I am sure the ship has more complaints about people smoking than people complaining about not enough places to smoke. Again though, we need to give smokers a nice area in which to enjoy their cigarettes and obviously that was not the case on the Carnival Ecstasy.
Most importantly I thank you for venting and your thoughts have now been passed to the ship’s hotel director for comment and I will let you know what he advises. I have also passed your comments to our guest relations department asking them to follow up with you on all the issues you mentioned. I hope you enjoyed the cruise overall and anytime you want to vent………………..I will be here to listen
Best wishes
John

DC IN SD Asked:
Please reply John. Will you be on board the Splendor 3/24, 25 or 26 for the special travel agent cruise to nowhere out of LA? I will be on board with agent friend for the 2 nights, and would be delighted to watch you perform again. Was onboard the Freedom’s second cruise in Europe last year.

John Says:
Hello DC in SD
See you in LA! Please come and say hello.
Cheers
John

Tricia Asked:
John,
This will be our fourth cruise, my three-year olds third cruise. My second daughter will turn one on this cruise leaving March 14 on the Freedom and we would like to celebrate her first birthday onboard. When I’ve called our group rep. she hasn’t been very forthcoming with information on what we can do to celebrate, do you have any suggestions? Thanks.

Tricia

John Says:
Hello Tricia
Thanks for taking the whole family on the Carnival Freedom next week. I have e-mailed the Assistant Cruise Director James who will be ordering a little surprise for your daughter. Can I have the name and cabin number please? Many thanks and regards to all
John

Catrin Asked:
John (please reply),
First, I want to thank you for responding to my post about the price structure of our April cruise on the Carnival Pride. Knowing that you even read the long-winded novel says a lot!

Here is the information you have requested.

First, we booked directly through Carnival, but not a specific PVP. I just call the 1-800 number, and whoever is lucky enough to answer gets our reservation!
Our booking Numbers are #### and ###. THis is for 4/11/09 sailing of the Carnival Pride… cabin #’s and ###.

It looks like from a few comments on the blog this afternoon, that I may have touched a nerve. I hope that Carnival will indeed come up with ways to reward those of us who consistently sail year after year on this wonderful cruise line.

Thanks again,
Cathy

John Says:
Hello Cathy
Indeed this is a subject that I have been helping quite a few guests with recently. I am glad you were able to send me the information and I will get to work trying to help as much as I can. Give me a few days and someone will be in touch I promise
Best wishes to you and the family
John

Karen Edmonson Says:
John Please Reply:
You said your schedule is changing and you are meeting the Splendor in San Francisco- what day and can the public come, I live 1 1/2 hrs from there. Also you mentioned Los Angeles, are you going to be at Long Beach where the ships dock? I also have family there and most of the time leave from there. Just would like to be involved or see you again, thanks

Hi to Heidi and the baby

John Says:
Hello Karen
How lovely of you to write. I will indeed be in San Francisco and Los Angeles/San Pedro for the travel agent functions in late March. I am not sure as to what format they will take yet but when I do I will let you know so maybe we will have time to say hello again. That would be nice. Thanks for the kind wishes and my best to you and yours.
John

Juli Asked:
John please reply:
My husband and I will be on the Valor sailing 4/5. I was wondering the best way to request to be seated for dinner with a few other couples. Last year we sailed on the Triumph around the same time and while trying to celebrate our 10th anniversary we were sat with an annoying newlywed couple we had nothing in common with – bleh! We really enjoy meeting new people on our cruise but would love to sit with someone we actually might have something in common with. Help! We have requested the late dinner seating.

John Says:
Hello Juli
Meeting new friends at dinner is one of the most fun experiences about a Carnival cruise. When you get here I want you to go to the dining reservation inquiry desk held in the Lincoln Dining Room between 1 pm and 3 pm on embarkation day. Ask for Pablo, the senior maitre d, and I will tell him to expect you. He will tell you the age group of the people you are sitting with and if you need to change he will accommodate you. Hope that’s OK with you and you meet some new friends when you sail
Cheers
John

Bobby Terneus Asked:
Hey john “PLEASE REPLY, nice pictures of Grand Cayman, I was wanting to know who the cruise director will be for the valor on May 31. I wish that u will stay on there, we had u for a cruise director on the triumph back in 2001, you’re really good at what u do please reply
Sincerely
Bobby

John Says:
Hello Bobby
Glad you enjoyed the Grand Cayman photos and today’s beautiful photo from Geo as well. The CD for the Carnival Valor from mid-April on will be Big Tex who many of the bloggers enjoyed recently during our Carnival Fantasy cruise. He will assure you of a wonderful time. I too wish I could be with you again and I wish you a brilliant voyage
Cheers
John

Diane Asked:
Hi John, Please reply
I was just wondering, with all the $$$ in Grand Cayman, why haven’t they built a pier.
Thanks
Diane

John Says:
Hello Diane
Great question and you know what…………I have no idea. All I know is that I really wish they would and that Carnival has even offered our help and assistance. One day I hope this changes so we can lose the medieval transportation that is tendering.
Fingers crossed
Cheers
John

Melissa Jurgensen Asked:
John ,
I am just curious. Will the European shore excursions for the Dream be able to be purchased in advance eventually like all other shore excursions?

I notice when I look at them they all say “sold on board only.” I don’t want to spend half my cruise standing in the shore excursion line to book them. Ha, ha. Especially because the day after the ship sets sail from Civitavecchia it arrives in Naples and I don’t want to have to wait around to book an excursion right after checking in at Civitavecchia for Naples.

Thanks!!

Melissa

John Says:
Hello Melissa
You must be so excited about your cruise on the Carnival Dream. The excursions will be going live well before the ship sails………..my guess is around May. I have of course done all the tours in all the ports and will also be writing a special European blog about them complete with video nearer the time. Best wishes to you and your family
John

Mal and Lex from Western Australia Asked:
JOHN PLEASE REPLY.
John, welcome back to sea – glad you’re enjoying your return to what you love doing best and remember, a day alongside is a day wasted! I have a question – down here in Australia, cruising is booming as people realize what excellent value for money a cruise holiday represents. Sydney is expected to host something like 25 cruise ships this month alone; Fremantle (over here on the West Coast and twenty minutes from our house) is host to double figures this year, as well. Unfortunately, none of them feature the big beautiful red whale tail funnel; fortunately, around eighteen of these vessels belong to the Carnival Australia lines (Princess, P&O Australia, and sundry others).

Is there a reason that these vessels don’t count towards our Platinum status with Carnival as a whole? Lex and I love Carnival, you are our line of choice for cruising and we’re halfway towards the ten cruise total, but at the moment airfares to the States for us cost considerably more than the cruise itself (it can double or more the price of the whole trip), meaning we can really only board a Carnival vessel every two years or so. If, however, the Princess ships (two of which are home porting in Fremantle for part of the year, meaning no airfares) counted towards Platinum status for us in the Colonies, we’d be sailing twice a year. Any thoughts on making this a reality, at least until we see a “Spirit”-class ship making her way through Sydney heads towards the Opera house?

Thanks again to the crew on Splendor for making our 24 days around Europe last September so wonderful – sounds like Jaime and company are having a ball rounding the Horn. Best to you and Heidi, and good luck when you finally become a dad – you’re goanna need it, mate, that’s when the work really starts!

Cheers,

Mal

John Says:
Hello Mal
It’s amazing how popular cruising has become in Australia and that was also obvious by the reception you Aussies gave the Queen Victoria and Queen Mary 2…………..it was brilliant — or bonza or ripper — as you say down there. It does seem when you explain it like you just did that you should have some kind of reward for flying those thousands of miles to cruise with us and then supplementing your Carnival voyages with Princess. I will make sure I now forward this to my friends in the corporate office and let’s see what we can do. For now though my thanks will have to do but I will fight the good fight for my Aussie friends down under
Struth!
Cheers mate
John

That’s all for today – here’s Jaime

March 7, 2009

Dear John,

I was right for the first time ever… today was most certainly a brighter, more pleasant day than the previous one! With perfect weather, clear skies and a beautiful port area to explore what could be better (besides Maccu Picchu?) We arrived in our last Chilean port of call, Arica, at 1 pm – our new expected arrival time. Our guests were extremely understanding about the delay.

Their tours had been refunded or changed and our wonderful captain was kind enough to allow our new back on board time to be pushed back to 7 pm to allow the most possible time in this port. Everyone was pleased because not only did this port contain a unique downtown area, also each time one exclaimed the name of this travel destination it seemed as if they unearthed some sort of great discovery!

Since the original plan of taking a flight to Cusco was foiled because of the previous day’s extremely unfortunate incident and change of course. None of us would allow this change of plans to affect our day. We were fortunate to see the city highlights such as the Tutelar figures that were in the middle of the extremely hot desert. Only a few short days ago we were shivering in the chilly glaciers of Ushuaia, and today we had sweat marks the size of Alaska! We did not find and camels or cacti in the desert but we did find some perfect photo opportunities. After our vast exploration of sand and pebbles, the group headed up to El Morro which is none other than a big rock! Here we found the mini version of Christ the Redeemer… I guess this one performed slightly less impressive miracles than the one we saw in Rio earlier in the cruise. Rather than turning water into wine, he astoundingly changed Coke into Diet Coke.

This location was actually the perfect spot to take beautiful pictures of the entire city and gave a perfect view Carnival Splendor. This big rock was just like Meecchy Peachy – only it was about 10,000 feet closer to sea level!

Upon returning to the ship, the 25 crew members were informed that the dream of visiting Mitzubishi Picachu may still indeed come true if we disembark from our next port of call: Lima, and return to the ship in Manta. After deciding if I could spend the increased amount of money, asking to my father for advice, I decided that if indeed it was a possibility that I would still visit Miss Piggy if it was an option.

As my dad, who visited South America just 40 short years ago put it “it is just a bunch of rocks… but it is an important bunch of rocks!’’ And even though I would be spending almost all of my acting cruise director money on this excursion, the extremely emotional highs and lows of the past day still made me to want to go on this trip.

After a full day of negotiation and extremely hard work, Paul the shore ex manager said that their simply was not room on the train to accommodate the crew members. The guests who had originally booked the trip still had the opportunity to go on this trip, departing from Lima if they decided. Forty-one of the 47 originally scheduled guests will still be visiting this amazing wonder of the world. One of our guests, Queen Susan is going to bring us back pictures, magnets and hope that we can visit this location later in life!

Still smiling… only 12 more days until we return to the States… And yes Mach, I can see California, it just looks a little wetter and bluer than I remember.

Have a wonderful day… Next stop, Lima, Peru!

Ginells wonderful photo from the trip to the desert

Baby Christ the Redeemer – Thank you to Lawrence, whoever that is?!

The view from the top of El Morro – Thank you Ginell

A picture of Patrick taking a picture of the ship… oh yea, that is our ship in there too!
Jaime D =)

As you can see the ship is on her home stretch to California and we continue to thank the very single Jaime for allowing us to share her journey.

OK, let’s have a look at Geo’s photo of the day. Remember this was taken by one of our entertainment staff here on the Carnival Valor and he is not a professional……..although when you see the photo you will say he should be.
Today’s photo is once again of the Carnival Destiny in beautiful Grand Turk

Let’s have a look at whose sailing this week on the Carnival Valor.

Guest Count – 3385
Non US – 998 Canada
France – 77
UK – 54
Venezuela – 51
Germany – 43
And the kid count is:
Under 2 Years -8
2-5 Years -33
6-8 Years -43
9-11 Years – 54
12-14 Years – 64
15-18 Years – 109
19-20 Years – 71

I can tell you that spring break is here and we have a higher number of students on board than usual and so far they have been well behaved. I will let you know if that’s the case throughout the cruise…………I am sure it will be OK. ………………… although I have memories of the Kentucky students from last year.

So, a busy cruise and for those of you who are expecting some negative references to the fact that we have 77 French onboard will be very disappointed as I intend to make this a week where I say nothing but pleasant things about my European neighbors and will be making no stupid and immature references to them at all.

So instead, let me talk about Heidi who is currently at home watching her favorite soap SOAP programs on TV. Unlike some Europeans the Dutch love to watch SOAP operas and Heidi’s favorite is a British SOAP opera called Across the Channel which stars the famous British SOAP star Dee Odarant who is only famous in the UK and not known in some other European countries.

Meanwhile I sit here listening to music while writing this blog thingy. Currently I have one of my favorite 1980′s bands playing called Rainbow featuring Ritchie Blackmore on guitar. The song on now is called I Surrender which was a song very popular in some European countries.

OK, enough of that.

Well I just got back from the welcome aboard show where I always can judge how the week is going to be. ………….it’s going to be good.

I had some amazing characters on stage including an 85-year-old grandma and someone called Jimmy Lee…………I will have videos for you tomorrow. Tonight on stage I was reminded how much I love the entertainment side of my job and how hearing 1,500 people howl with laughter is the most amazing feeling in the world………..apart from the day Heidi told me she was pregnant………the Miami Heat won the NBA championship and Sally Pool let me feel her left breast.

We try and provide as many activities onboard for the crew as we can. These include crew parties, crew shows and events and sporting tournaments. This last week I took part in such an event……………OK………..let me pause to give some of you a chance to regain consciousness………………yes……………I took part in a sporting event. The captain had organized a department head table tennis tournament and commanded everyone to play.

I used to play it at my Monday night youth club when I was a teenager. There was always stiff competition for the one table we had. We would invariably end up playing the rather unsatisfying “round the table” version in which everyone runs around taking turns to hit the ball like some drug-fueled maypole event. There were communal bats.

As the glue had long left the bats for better climes, the rubber covers would always be hanging off the wood … apart from Carl Buck’s personal one. He had his own brand new bat that he refused to share with anyone……….the posh sod. There was also the eternal conundrum of how to hold the things. Did you adopt a tennis grip or go for the more exotic-looking “Chinese” option, where you placed it between your split fingers and attempted fiendish spin?

And so it was with these memories fresh in my mind that I entered the contest where I was due to play Claudio the staff chief engineer or the second in command of the technical operations onboard. He is from Italy and as far as I far as I could remember Italian men are not known for their skills with a bat and were more likely to have rumpy pumpy on a table tennis table than know how to win a ping-pong game.

And so at 11:30 pm on Friday night the game began. We selected our bats silently and began to knock up, sizing each other up and I privately wished that I had not had the two-egg omelet for dinner as my bottom was making distinct sounds of displeasure.
He seemed a solid player, no real forehand but could get most things back. When we were done knocking up we kicked off a best-of-three match. What followed was one of those beautifully competitive sporting situations where both sides’ determination to thrash the other was masked by a thin veneer of sportsmanship and jokiness.

To my surprise I won the first game. Then the crew started to gather and suddenly we had an audience of excitable people cheering me on. The pressure was now extraordinary, both of us now playing for our position as Cool Dude Department Head.

He took the second game off me and suddenly we were all square. We both took off our jackets – this was serious now – a duel to the death. I concentrated on his lack of forehand and served almost exclusively to it. I could sense that he felt that this was bad sportsmanship but I didn’t care. I won the game and let go a slightly too-loud whoop of delight — very bad form.

We shook hands in an overly formal way. The crew streamed out in front of us and announced to the table that I was the victor. I went into insincere modest mode and said that it had been really close and that we were both a bit crap … secretly, I was bathing in a private glow of victory. I had satisfied the honour of my family and made my Thingy proud. This was my ship now … I would have stayed to gloat more but the omelet was having none of it.

Last night I lost three games to nil to the laundry manager…………………..bugger.

Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and the Thingy

It’s that time of year when cruises become a popular destination for a lot of people, including students, taking spring vacations.

And it’s not surprising that so many people gravitate to a cruise based on some of the reports out there in the news about tourists having terrible things happen while trekking through some fleapit on the wrong side of the equator.

Happily, it will be years before my Thingy will have the chance to backpack around the world, and even more happily, by the time the Thingy is old enough he/she will have been on so many exotic school trips that the world’s wildernesses are unlikely to hold much appeal. “Oh, not Venice again. I did that in the 7th grade.”

The trips run by my school, back in the 1970s, weren’t remotely exotic. Once we were taken to a local museum where the main attraction was a Roman ……. ummmm ……… rock…….that looked like a ………..ummmm………..rock……. but this was an exception. Mostly, they’d load us onto the school minibus, which would then be driven by a certifiable lunatic to the woods where we’d be made to walk five miles through a peat bog to look at the local quarry.

“In geology,” the psychopath would bark, “this is a series of sandstones, grits and conglomerates, resting directly on the carboniferous limestone . . .”

“Hmm,” we’d all think, “but is it big enough to hide behind while we have a cigarette and I try and touch Sally Pool’s breasts?”

Then you had the Young Soldiers club, which was the school code for genocide. Large numbers of boys were bussed in eighth-hand army lorries to the Yorkshire Dales where we were told to leap to our deaths from cliffs, or walk around with 20 pounds of crap on our backs until we collapsed from heat exhaustion. Anyone who did actually die was also given detention.

Today, things seem rather different. I listen to kids here on the ship who when I remark that they are “lucky to be on a cruise,” look at me as though I am nuts they’re and say that they have already been to look bears in Alaska and now have to decide which school trip to take next……….skiing in Iceland or White Water rafting in Montana? “Oh please, Dad. Porsche and Mercedes are going on both so why can’t I?” ……………”Shut up Cadillac or you won’t get that new laptop computer and cell phone for your sixth birthday.”

Well, one of the reasons is that parents budget for the school fees without realizing that, in fact, we’ll need half as much again for Icelandic windcheaters, horse rental in Argentina and an all-terrain vehicle for the South Pole. Seriously, by the time my Thingy goes to college or she is likely to have more air miles than Hillary Clinton.

I mentioned the other day that I had a copy of my school magazine. When I was at school — i.e. the 1980s — it used to show photographs of well-scrubbed boys and girls at their desks learning Latin. Now, school magazines look like brochures for a travel agency.

They’re full of boys and girls building box girder bridges in South Africa and sensitive radio telescopes in the jungles of Costa Rica. I’m not sure this is a good idea because if a child has tackled the Zambezi, rescued 14 Colombian tribes from McDonald’s and colonized Mars by the time they’re 18, what’s left?

Mostly, when I was young, we went camping where my father taught me the lost art of pooing in a bucket.
So when I reached adulthood I went berserk and off I went traveling. The stamps in my passport became so prolific that I needed another, and because that was always away having my work visas stapled in place, I had to get a third. In the space of 10 years, I visited more than 20 countries and when I got off the ship I would spend that vacation still traveling.

Eventually, though, the ants in my pants settled down and I realized that while the world can offer many beautiful and wondrous experiences, home is where your friends are. And no experience is ever quite as rewarding as being in the gooey, fire-lit bosom of your family.

As a result I now sigh and mooch around with shoulders like a bent coat hanger if I even have to go to more than 10 miles from home, but that’s fine. I’m 44 and that’s a sensible age to pack away the passport.

I have a horrible feeling that my Thingy is going to leave school not prepared for the world but sick of it.

Obviously they will be far too tired for any further education. That means there will be no college and the Thingy won’t be assaulted in the Sudan like I’ve been reading in the papers as of late.

Instead, they’ll come home from their exams having done much too much, much too young. This will mean they’ll spend the next 10 years of their lives eating Taco Bell and drinking beer while shooting aliens on the PlayStation.

With this in mind I want to say that we have many spring breakers on this week and apart from leaving the dance club with someone so ugly that they will surely regret it in the morning……there have been no reports of any problems or concerns at all ……. and that’s great to hear.

Good afternoon. So here we are in the port of Belize………well actually we are about five miles of the coast that is protected by a huge barrier reef, which means we are once again tendering guests ashore. I am sorry to say that that the previous system the ship was using to do this was a little antiquated and involved the cruise director making as many as 20 announcements between 8 am and noon……….that’s not good. So I changed things around and started a tendering ticket system where rather than listen for announcements when a tender is alongside we guide guests from the lounges all proudly wearing their tender stickers.

Guests on tour (that’s 1,400 today) meet in the main lounge while between 8 am and 11 am guests going ashore who are not on a tour meet in our aft lounge. It seems to have worked very smoothly and I am glad of this not just for the guests’ sake but to prove the grumpy sods within the ship’s management who said the system didn’t need to be changed …………well it did……….it was……and it worked………………..so bugger off.

Belize is the port I will be flying out of on March 19. The last time I flew out of there was one of the worst days of my like as I held Heidi’s hand as we headed home following the sudden and oh-so-sad passing of her beloved father.

However, for many this port will be the highlight and if you haven’t had it as part of your cruise itinerary yet……….as Jean Luc Picard would say “Make It So.”

Belize City is smallish, battered by history and well off the beaten track. It’s built around the mouth of the Belize River, with ramshackle wooden buildings that lurch out over the water, some of which are old colonial, whose grandeur is somewhat faded now, which adds to their charm.

There’s a very lively population made up of Creoles, Maya Indians and some British expats. It’s not the city that the cruise ship passengers head to but instead I urge them to visit the jungles, the Mayan ruins and to explore the River Wallace. The snorkeling is amazing especially at Coffs Cay and we also send guests on canopy adventures where you fly across the top of the rain forest and jungles that the British Special Forces (The SAS) use to train in. It’s therefore understandable why this is such a popular destination and so why many guests tell me they keep coming back to because of the huge variety of things to see and do.

OK, I am off to make a welcome video for all of you who signed up for the Carnival Sunday Funday event…………..back soon.

Here I am…………well, that went well except its 3,000 degrees outside and like an idiot I was wearing my woolen blazer which was as stupid an idea as inviting a Supermodel to an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Anyway, here’s a photo of me on deck 12 and over my shoulder you can see the Carnival Legend.

Congratulations to the brilliant Carnival marketing department on winning this special distinction from Cruise Critic readers.

Informal On-Line Poll Ranks Carnival’s New ‘Fun For All. All For Fun’ Marketing Campaign as Best in The Cruise Industry

Cruise Critic members have spoken. Carnival’s “Fun For All. All For Fun” marketing campaign is unofficially the best in the cruise industry, according to members of the leading on-line cruise-oriented community.

In a poll conducted March 2 and 3, asking Cruise Critic members to rate their favorite cruise industry marketing campaign, Carnival got the nod by a wide margin with more than one-third of respondents indicating their preference for the line’s new campaign.

“Cruise Critic members are among the world’s most experienced cruisers and it seems Carnival is capturing their attention with this fun and quirky campaign,” said Cruise Critic Editor Carolyn Brown, whose site attracts more than five million visitors annually.

Well done to everyone involved and I am sure we are all excited to see what they have in store for us next.

So, while the guests are ashore, please allow me a few minutes to answer more questions marked for my reply……….here we go.

Amy Asked:
John,
Thank you for replying. And any help with our table would be greatly appreciated! My booking is under then name of Amy Hopmann, Jon Hopmann, Lauren Hopmann and Taylor Hopmann. There are two rooms booked, so I believe it is under Amy Hopmann for room ### and Taylor Hopmann for room #### on the Carnival Freedom sailing June 6, 2009. Thanks so much!!!

John Says:
Hello Amy
Thanks for this information and I will do my best to help you with your reservation. Please would you kindly remind me on May 25 so I can remind the vessel?
My best to you and your family
John

Debbie Asked:
Please reply: We are booked on the Freedom in April. We also booked our flights and transfers with Carnival. We have an 8 pm flight out of Miami on the day we come back into port. My question is this: We paid for the airport transfer with the flight. Now with the late flight back, we would like to take one of the debarkation excursions which also include transfers. Is there a way to get a discount on the excursion since we already have paid for the airport transfer? Also, on our last cruise they had a system where you could check your luggage before leaving the ship and didn’t have to worry about it until you we done with the flight. Does the Freedom have this option? We would like to stay in Miami and do some things before going to the airport. We don’t want to deal with luggage. Thanks for the information.

John Says:
Hello Debbie
I am sure you must be excited to be taking a cruise on the Carnival Freedom in April. The answer to your question is yes of course we can do this. Please go to see the shore excursion staff at their desk in the deck 3 lobby and they will assist you. You can book the tour and just pay the difference and then you and your luggage will stay together for the tour’s duration before they return you to the airport. I hope you have a brilliant time and please let me know if I can help further
Cheers
John

jerry calvert Asked:
John, I have to get this off my chest – since you have the new S&S card thing today.
Just finished my second of three CCL cruises this spring. Both of them had bogus charges on my card. In this case (Miracle) $52 spa charge – purser sent me to spa, but I got it reversed. Bogus $10 charge on last morning bill – too lazy to fight the purser desk crowd, so let it stand. This time (Imagination) bogus $11.50 showroom charge. Went to purser desk –they filled out inquiry – I went away happy, but no credit on final bill. Am I being picky, is this just poor # reading on manual entries or is there a flaw in the card system??

John Says:
Hello Jerry
I was sorry to read this mate and I will look into it. Please send me a note with a scanned copy of your final bill and I will pass this up the line. Thanks for telling me and I will do all I can to help.
Best regards
John

Barb Asked:
Please Reply when get a chance
John, my husband and I met you on the Liberty in 2001. It was our fifth cruise and fifth anniversary. We got a picture of you and of the ship with the captain’s signature. We are going on our 10th cruise in April. First one was in May 2005 and have been hooked every since. I was wondering if I could get an updated Picture of you and of ship for my photo album. Thanks a lot and keep Blogging it makes my weekends when I can catch up.
Tell Heidi and Thingy hello.
Barb and Ken

John Says:
Hello Barb and Ken
How wonderful to hear from you and congratulations on your Fun Ship addiction. I wish I could be with you on your next voyage. I will be happy to send you a photo so please write via the blog thingy a few days before you cruise with your cabin number and I will have one delivered.
Best wishes to you all
John

David Allen Asked:
When you have the chance, would you post a photo of the beautiful “Rosie the Riveter” mosaic that is on the “Carnival Valor” for everyone to enjoy?
Thank you.
David

Hello David
Your wish is my command

Cheers
John

Larry Asked:
John,
No thank you on the new cards. Too cartoonist. I much prefer the old ones. I hope the rollout of the new ones is loong if it has to happen at all.
On a related note, there is a mention on the Cruise Critic boards of having to surrender the cards at the conclusion of a recent cruise on the Splendor. Is this a new policy? Please say it ain’t so.

John Says:
Hello Larry
It seems there is mixed emotion regarding the new Sail & Sign cards. Many like them and quite a few don’t. We shall see what happens in the future. They are certainly more fun than the last ones but I can understand that the cartoon image is not liked by all. Now, as far as the collection of these cards is concerned I am afraid this is one of those Cruise Critic rumors similar to the one a few weeks ago that said I was divorcing Heidi and marrying Judge Judy. I have checked with five different ships as well as the head office and I can say that this rumor is total and utter……..well ……….bollocks. So, please don’t worry as we at Carnival know that you all like to keep these as a souvenir of your Fun Ship voyage.
Thanks mate and hope you are well
John

Bobby Terneus Asked:
Hi John, I like the new sail and sign cards. I can’t wait until we get ours; we are going on the Carnival Valor at the end of May. I wanted to know if you’re going to be our cruise director for that ship then. Please reply back
Sincerely
Bobby

John Says:
Hello Bobby
Oh how I wish I was going to be the CD but I shall be home hopefully nursing our healthy thingy that will be a few weeks old. Your cruise director will be Big Tex and I am confident that you will think he is amazing. If there is anything I can do for you please let me know and I wish you and your family a brilliant cruise
Cheers
John

Karl Asked:
Hi John – please reply if possible -,
It’s has been very quite the last few months about the Dream inaugural. Since we missed the inaugural festivities onboard the (original) maiden voyage of the Carnival Splendor, I was wondering about any news about the festivities on the Dream.
Is there any news when the inauguration is planned? Are the passengers on the first voyage going to see anything of the party..? Is Catherine Zeta Jones coming…?
Hope you have some insight…

John Says:
Hello Karl
Well, I knew someone was going to ask this question and it was just a matter of who said it first………so congratulations, that’s you. I can tell you very little at the moment as plans are still in the very early stages. I can tell you that the naming ceremony will be very special but the exact date and who will be breaking the bottle are still shrouded in a huge cloak of secrecy. However, I promise the first people to know will be you all on the blog thingy and if I have my way……me and Catherine Zeta Jones will be on the podium together and one of us will be wearing a very short skirt.
Cheers
John

Tracy Asked:
hi john now u said but will be the cd on the splendor nov 29th?and would u mind hand me downs for ur baby if its a boy. I have a boy and too many of his out grown clothes would u like some if it’s a boy? Tell Heidi hi and hope the thingy is good.

John Says:
Hello Tracy
Oh how wonderfully kind you are. Heidi and I would be honored to take them from you. We still have no idea if it’s a boy or a girl and won’t know until Dr. Ramitin tells us when the Thingy is born. I hope to see you soon and many thanks for your kindness ………..if your husband has any hand me down underpants I will take those as well.
Cheers
John

meghan Asked:
Dear John,
Please reply.
First I want to thank you for the best cruise ever this past week on the Carnival Valor. This was my third cruise (all with Carnival) and I cannot wait to go back, in fact as part of my birthday gift my boyfriend signed us up for the future booking thing….I’m so excited. Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you and thank you to all of the wonderful staff of the valor who made this trip so amazing, but I promised one person I would tell you about her. Her name is Alma, and she was one of the bar servers in the piano bar, its a funny story actually, because on the last night (which was my bday) the bar ran out of Bud Light, well she knew how much I liked it and ran to the casino and to the lido deck to get me some as well as to Winston’s, she should have told me to, well bugger off as you would say, but she was just so sweet and all week when I was there was kind to me, even when I made a fool of myself (several times). anyways I just wanted to mention her by name here. Back to my actual question. Could you please give me the address for guest services? I would like to write a letter to carnival to compliment the lovely cruise that I just had and I prefer to send a snail mail letter. There is so much to explain that I was not going to write it in the comment card. Thank you. And also thank you for the lovely bottle of champagne, ship and photo you sent to my room for my birthday…I was the girlfriend whose boyfriend couldn’t write her name…haha….thanks again. Meghan!

John Says:
Hello Meghan
Thanks you so much for sailing with us and I am so happy you had a brilliant time. I loved the story about Alma and I will make sure both she and the hotel director read it and she gets the praise she deserves. Please send the letter to:
Guest Services Director
Carnival Cruise Lines
3775 NW 87th Ave
Miami
Florida 33178
Many thanks and I hope we all get to sail together again soon.
Cheers
John

OK, just as a quick follow up to a question from last week where a blogger asked if the LEX program where guests can hand their luggage in onboard and collect it at their final destination is available in other ports? I have checked and unfortunately it is only available in Miami and Fort Lauderdale vessels and not in Texas, California or any other homeports. We are looking to expand this highly successful program and as and when we do I will let you all know.

That’s all for now and there will be more later this week……..but now………here’s Jaime

March 3, 2009

Dear John,

The city of Valparaiso happily welcomed the Carnival Splendor on this slightly cloudy yet still beautiful day. After debarkation was complete, I had the opportunity to go outside to explore the town. There were rumors of the capital city of Santiago being a one and a half hour bus ride away. Although this did sound quite appealing, the time restraints was not accommodating to this possibility. Visiting Valparaiso was certainly a nice experience but it is like going the port of Warnemunde and not taking the time to see Berlin… Still a great day but just wondering what was is in the distant town.

While leaving the ship, I was expecting a day of solo exploration. I understand this may not be the wisest decision when you are a girl in her mid twenties, who does not speak the language and who may appear somewhat touristy looking with a notebook and camera in hand. After exchanging twenty American dollars for 110,000 Chilean pesos, I was rich! To add to this good fortune, I ran into two of our guest services representatives from the ship – Carlene, and Alisa.

Heading around town with pursers is always a good idea, one because they already know a lot of information about the city, and also because they typically each of them speak between four and 12 languages, which is an extremely helpful resource. Spending time with these lovely ladies was quite enjoyable. We all took a taxi to Vino Del Mar, which is a 10-minute ride from the terminal building. We were in search of a Western Union so that Carlene could put US dollars in her bank account. This way, her bills being deducted all the way from South Africa would be paid without problem. Unfortunately, even the Money Gram and Western Union locations that we did find were not accommodating in allowing her to send US dollars, these locations were the opposite of helpful, they would not permit a person to deposit money straight to their bank account! This is one issue that as an American citizen, I have never had to struggle with. Thank goodness for direct deposit! Instead, I have other challenges, like… taxes.

The downtown area was quite nice, even though the weather was not on our side. During our taxi tour I did my best to take pictures to show you the interesting agricultural layout. However unfortunately having clean windows was not one of the prerequisites for our taxi selection. The town of Valparaiso had traditional Chilean staples such as McDonalds, Pizza Hut and Dominos. Once we reached the Vino Del Mar area we realized that every other building was a “banco” or a “farmacia.” The three of us made our contribution the Chilean economy with the purchase of some toiletries from one of these locations.

The highlight of our afternoon was finding the mall in Vino Del Mar. This mall was very crowded and absolutely massive. We found a nice quiet spot to enjoy a cup of coffee and the most delicious nutty cheesecake imaginable (John, do not make a joke about the nutty cheesecake in my mouth!) It is so wonderful to have the opportunity to have a nice relaxing day exploring the downtown area. Our taxi driver on the return trip spoke enough broken English to point out the Valparaiso naval museum and the house of President Ferrari (I think that is what he said at least)… maybe he was showing us a car dealership? Either way, Mr. Taximan showed a valiant attempt of welcoming us to his city!

Our next port of call is Arica, Chile. I have some very exciting news to share with you about this day! 47 guests and 25 crewmembers, myself included will be disembarking the on Friday March 6 from Arica, Chile and will be experiencing a tour to Machu Picchu. This tour will be 2.5 days long, as we will rejoin the ship in Lima, Peru. I am so grateful that Carnival is allowing a select few of us to take a work break for these days so that we have the amazing opportunity to further explore this part of the world.

This is a brief summary of the trip that we will be taking:

Overland Cusco & Machu Pichu
****
(2½ days – Approximately 52 hours)
Experience this once-in-a-lifetime trip to Cusco, “the archaeological capital of the Americas,” and then journey via train to discover the Incan sanctuary of Machu Pichu. This unforgettable opportunity will be a 2½ day experience full of memories and photos for you to cherish forever. On this amazing excursion you will:

Day One – Be transferred to the airport by motor coach to take a 45-minute chartered flight to Cusco. Arrive at Cusco and be transferred to your hotel to check-in and have some free time to relax before a light buffet lunch. Enjoy a sightseeing tour of this amazing colonial city. Conclude with dinner at your hotel and time to relax for your early start the next day.

Day Two – Enjoy an early morning buffet breakfast. Meet your guide and transfer by motor coach (approximately 1½ hours) to the train station for your rail trip to Machu Pichu. Relax as you travel by train for approximately 1¼ hours through the scenic countryside while enjoying a breakfast snack. Arrive at the Machu Pichu train station then walk a short distance to the minibuses that will take you up the mountainside to the citadel of Machu Pichu, one of the most renowned examples of Inca architecture.

Enjoy dinner once more in your hotel in Cusco.

Day Three – Begin your day with an early buffet breakfast, check out and a transfer to the airport for your flight to Lima. Arrive in Lima where you’ll enjoy the 4-hour “Panoramic Lima” tour of this beautiful city before rejoining your ship, already docked in Callao, Lima.

I imagine this excursion will be extremely worthwhile and slightly strenuous and I will do my best to write you during these days, however I can not guarantee what the internet connection availability will be. I promise to give you an amazingly thorough description when I return.

I look forward to filling you in soon!

I am going to start drinking my tea so that the altitude doesn’t kill me!

The Carnival Splendor docked in Valparaiso

Chilean Money – I thought it was pretty!

Downtown in Vino Del Mar

The view of the city near the terminal building

Have a great day!
Jaime =)

The journey continues and I am sure by now the crew are looking forward to seeing California …….I am very proud of the job they are doing and thankful to Jaime for allowing us a look behind the crew only door.

From: VALOR GUEST SERVICES
Sent: Wednesday, March 04, 2009 5:55 PM
To: VALOR CRUISE DIRECTOR
Cc: VALOR GUEST SERVICES MANAGER; VALOR GUEST SERVICES; VALOR GUEST SERVICES SUPERVISOR
Subject: Would like to speak with CD

Hello John,

Mrs. ___________came to the desk today and asked if it would be possible to talk with cruise director. The guest was very much crying and I asked what she needed. She asked to write a note to you and for you to call her. She wrote the note on a bar napkin so I have typed it out for you so it can be read. Please call her as soon as you can and let me know so I can follow up if you need

Thank you very much.

Kind Regards,

Silvia Mardini- Guest Services Associate | Carnival Valor

Dear John
I had such a terrible experience on my tour today that I had to get off the bus and take a taxi back to the ship.
This woman seated next to me was so enormous that she was literally sitting on top of me. Her left leg was pressing down on my right leg and her arm was across my chest, pinning me down. To add insult to injury, about halfway into the tour, I discovered that her husband was sitting directly behind her. He clearly knew better than to sit next to his own wife.
I had to spend $30 to get back to the ship and my tour was ruined. I just wanted you to know that I think she should not have been allowed on the bus or be given two seats.
Thank You
(name)

Well this is a new one on me. I have heard of this on planes but never on a tour bus before. Of course we are refunding this lady’s excursion and her taxi fare and I called the guest to apologize. However, I explained that after investigation I had discovered that the bus was full and that there was no other place for the guest to sit. . The guest was understanding but still upset about the whole experience…….understandably.

However, I wonder how the other lady feels. I am sure she must have been embarrassed as well, especially when she discovered that the lady had left the tour early. I am sure that upset her greatly as well so I also feel for her. It’s a difficult one isn’t it? I actually feel like I should try and find out who this guest is and make sure she is OK as well……….it’s a difficult one this and I don’t have an answer to how to avoid this in the future……do you?

On a lighter note………….I lost my mind at the Morning Show yesterday. A young man called Jeff was singing a crap song……….sorry……..singing a rap song to win a prize for his wife……..and for some strange reason……..I felt the need to ……. well ……. watch this.

I am so sorry you had to see that so I think on that note I should say goodbye

Oh just before I do.

I have been reading my Pregnancy for Dummies book and today I came across something shocking. “Any woman with child will notice the difference in her pelvic floor muscles,” the book says. “Weakness here can lead to stress incontinence – some women find that they leak urine if they laugh, cough or sneeze.” ………….Oh joy…………….well, I don’t want Heidi to laugh so I shall make sure I don’t tell her any jokes or say anything that may make her laugh like “Can we have rumpy pumpy tonight?”…….. and the first time I hear her cough or sneeze she can bugger off and sleep in the spare bedroom …… there’s no way I am sleeping in a water bed.

Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and the Thingy

Guest: Mr _______ Ref: 835005386A
Cabin: _____ Booking#: ________ Added-Changed: 03/02/09 – 03/02/09

WANTED TO SPEAK TO CRUISE DIRECTOR.
Guest called the desk asking to speak to the cruise director who was at the time hosting the Captain’s Party. Guest said he would not hang up the phone until she had spoken to him. GSA asked if she could help. Guest said that he had just finished watching the cruise director’s port orientation talk where he said that guests must not rent Mopeds in the ports. Guest was very angry about this as he owns a moped rental company in the Florida Keys. GSA apologized and said that it was company policy to advise guests not to rent them. Guest then started to shout and then put down the phone. Guest called back but there was no answer. E-mail sent to CD

Good morning everyone from Grand Cayman………well………sort of……………and I will explain what I mean about that later. Firstly, let’s talk about the comment above. Yes, I did indeed advise the guests that renting mopeds is not a good idea as I and my fellow cruise directors have been doing for many years. All of us have seen first hand the accidents that these machines can cause. This includes guests coming back to the ship having left various bits of skin on the road for the iguanas to nibble, guests having to stay in the islands’ hospital, and in a few cases not coming back at all.

While I am sure this guest has a reputable company that provides safe and maintained mopeds and motorcycles that is not the case in many of the Caribbean ports of call that our fleet visits.

This, along with the somewhat reckless way road users in the Caribbean sometimes drive, are two reasons why we as a company continue to alert guests to their danger.

So, I called the guest who may told me he owned a successful company and that he was a “millionaire” because of its success. I congratulated him not bothering to mention that he may think about spending some of his millions on going to charm school and learning how not to swear every other word.

I also didn’t bother telling him about my own personal thoughts on all things mopedy.
You see, in places like Cozumel and Jamaica they will rent you a moped without any safety message. I have seen some places that will rent to anyone just to make money ………even Stevie Wonder would not be turned away.

However, in the UK as I am sure in North America, it’s a little different. The legal driving age to drive a car in the UK is 18 however you can drive a moped from the age of 16 providing it is less than 100cc…….and so like every other 16-year-old desperate for independence and not to have Dad collect them from a party……….I bought a Moped.

However as I said there are rules. You can’t just get on one and drive away on your Vespa. Nope………..this means that before climbing on board you must go to a parking lot, put on a high-visibility jacket and spend the morning driving round some cones while a man called Bob — all motorcycle instructors are called Bob — explains which lever does what.

Afterwards, you will be taken on the road, where you will drive about for several hours in a state of abject fear and misery, and then you will go home and vow never to get on a motorcycle ever again. This is called compulsory basic training and it allows you to ride any bike up to 100cc. If you want to ride something bigger, you must take a proper test. But, of course, being human, you will not want a bigger bike, because then you will be killed immediately while wearing clothing from the local Adult Rumpy Pumpy Shop “dungeon” range.

The moped is not like a car. It will not stand up when left to its own devices. So, when you are not riding it, it must be leaned against a wall or a fence. I’m told some bikes come with footstools which can be lowered to keep them upright. But then you have to lift the bike onto this footstool, and that’s like trying to lift up an obese elephant.
Next: the controls. Unlike with a car, there seems to be no standardization in the world of motorcycling. Some have gearlevers on the steering wheel. Some have them on the floor, which means you have to shift with your feet — how stupid is that? — and some are automatic.

Then we get to the brakes. Because mopeds are designed by moped drivers and they haven’t worked out how the front and back brake can be applied at the same time. So, to stop the front wheel, you pull a lever on the steering wheel, and to stop the one at the back, you press on a lever with one of your feet.

A word of warning, though. If you use only the front brake, you will fly over the steering wheel and be killed. If you try to use the back one, you will use the wrong foot and change into third gear instead of stopping. So you’ll hit the obstacle you were trying to avoid, and you’ll be killed.

Then there is the steering. The steering wheel comes in the shape of what can only be described as handlebars, but if you turn them — even slightly — while riding along, you will fall off and be killed. What you have to do is lean into the corner, fix your gaze on the course you wish to follow, and then you will fall off and be killed.

As far as the minor controls are concerned, well . . . you get a horn and lights and indicators, all of which are operated by various switches and buttons on the steering wheel, but if you look down to see which one does what, a truck will hit you and you will be killed. Oh, and for some extraordinary reason, the indicators do not self-cancel, which means you will drive with one of them on permanently, which will lead following traffic to think you are turning right. It will then undertake just as you turn left, and you will be killed.

What I’m trying to say here is that, yes, bikes and cars are both forms of transport, but they have nothing in common. Imagining that you can ride a bike because you can drive a car is like imagining you can slam-dunk a basketball over Dwayne Wade’s head because you once saw the Harlem Globetrotters on TV when you were seven.

However, many people are making the switch because they imagine that having a small motorcycle will be cheap. OK, the moped may only cost $2,000 but then you will need a helmet ($300), a jacket ($200), some Tom Jones leather trousers ($100), porno movie boots ($100), a pair of Kevlar gloves ($90), a coffin ($1,000), a headstone ($500), a cremation ($280) and flowers in the church ($100).

In other words, your small 125cc motorcycle, which has no boot, no electric windows, no stereo and no bloody heater even, will end up costing more than one of those cheap Korean-made cars. That said, a bike is much cheaper to run than a car. In fact, it takes only half a liter of gas to get from your house to the scene of your first fatal accident. Which means that the lifetime cost of running your new bike is just $1.

I think you will agree with me that it’s probably best I didn’t mention this to the guest ………….. Instead, I apologized and sent him some fruit. I had better move on before moped drivers of the world unite to have me chained to the back of one of their mean machines and drag me through the streets.

Here is the next group of questions marked for my reply.

Irene Garner Asked:
Dear John, .Please reply
I’m not sure if you are answering questions now that you are a busy CD again, and I am also wondering whether you would have answers to my questions considering you prefer not to spend time on the beaches, so maybe someone else has some experience and could answer these for me.

On my upcoming cruise (27 days and counting….I’m so excited) to the Eastern Caribbean on the Carnival Destiny, my grandson and I have booked shore excursions that include “Swimming with the Dolphins” at the Atlantis Resort, and two days of snorkeling at Half Moon Cay and Grand Turks. I know we will need money, credit card, passports and sail-and-sign-cards and other stuff with us while we are off the ship, but is there going to be anywhere for us to store our valuables while enjoying the water activities?

I remember on our Mediterranean cruise last summer on the Carnival Freedom, we did the trip to the beach in Messina, Sicily, but there was no place to leave our valuables so I didn’t feel right about leaving our things unprotected while we went into the water, especially as the loungers provided to us were quite a hike away from the water’s edge. The only way we could do it was for only one of us to enjoy the water at a time.
I am assuming there will be lockers at the Atlantis Resort, because of the water park there too, so I am wondering if we’ll need US coins to operate them or will they take Canadian money? We’ll be snorkeling off a small boat at the other two locations, so will we be able to leave our belongings safely onboard somewhere?

Just as a side note I am looking forward to showing my grandson this part of the world and know the pleasure he will get from his snorkeling experience. Many years ago, in 1974 my husband and I moved our family from England to live in Freeport on Grand Bahama Island for 2 1/2 years and my kids spent all of their spare time swimming and snorkeling as we did, until we moved to Canada in 1977.

I really enjoy reading your blogs everyday, and they just get me more and more excited about our upcoming cruise, and I just wish my late husband and I had tried cruising before he passed away. We always thought it was way beyond our means but now that I have tried it once I feel it’s the only way to go. If I lived closer to one of the embarkation ports I think would take a cruise every other week. For us, living in Alberta, Canada the airfare costs more than the cruise, but it’s worth every minute I spend standing on my feet for 8 hours a day working at the local Safeway supermarket. Maybe I should send in my resume (CV) after all, to the company that hires the gift shop personnel.
Thanks for listening…Irene Garner

John Says:
Hello Irene

I am indeed enjoying being a busy CD again but I am never to too busy to answer the questions of my friends in Blog Land. You are correct, I am not a big beach fan but I do know that the excursions you have chosen are simply wonderful. All the tours have places and or lockers for guests to leave their valuables while in the water so you will have no concerns their. We send hundreds of guests each and every week on them and I can assure you they and you will be well look after. I know the beach you refer to in Messina and that was indeed a problem but it was also a very European thing. However in the Caribbean it is very different and there will be places for you to leave your essentials. I just checked with the Carnival Sensation who informed me the lockers at Atlantis are $5 which is refundable so you will not need coins of any kind. The other trips will have containers on the boats for you to leave individual items………..you will not have any worries with that I promise. I can see for your comment how important this cruise vacation is to you and please therefore let me know if I can help in anyway.
My best to you and the family

John

Melissa D. Asked:
John, (please reply)
I have just recently discovered your blog thingy and have quickly become a huge fan and avid reader! My husband and I along with another couple will be on our first cruise this May on the Carnival Legend. It will be our 10th anniversary and our friend’s honeymoon they never had. I was wondering if you know who the cruise director will be. I am excited that you will soon be visiting the same western Caribbean ports that we will visit. I look forward to any information or recommendations you may have. Best to you and Heidi and Thingy!
Melissa

John Says:
Hello Melissa
Welcome to the blog thingy and I am so happy you found us all here. You have chosen a fantastic ship for your first cruise and the Carnival Legend’s CD will be a wonderful young lady called Jen Baxter. Please take the time to introduce yourself to her and mention you are a blog reader and she may even have a little gift for you. I wish I could be there with you to celebrate this special anniversary and if I can do anything for you please let me know
Cheers
John

Bill Heck Asked:
Hi John:
Please Reply
Sir Richard Branson owns an Island, Necker Island and you can rent some cliff houses. There is one that has an outside bathroom. Is this in your book? On TV several years ago, Sir Richard had a show about picking a new executive out of a group of survivor type applicants and the semi finalists spent some time on necker and the “loo” was outside with a spectacular view of the ocean. As I recall, the one that undressed at a Wimbley concert got the job, could be mistaken.

John Says:
Hello Bill
How funny…….yep……..the toilet on Necker Island is on page 47 and how I would like to sit on it. Sir Richard has done very well for himself with his own airline, train company, record label and private island. However, his greatest achievement surely must be having one of his toilets listed in the top 100 places in the world to take a poo.
Cheers mate
John

Mark Brass Asked:
Please reply.
Hi John, hope you are not too upset with me for teasing you about your spelling or more aptly, your typing mistakes – but I couldn’t resist. You don’t seem to be the kind of guy that doesn’t mind a bit of ribbing! I wanted to take a moment to comment on the beautiful pictures taken at the Cape Horn and was wondering what a great thing it would be to have a fleet photographer or one of your photography folks present a talk on photo composition, lighting, and all that good stuff.

The one thing I was really disappointed about in my first cruise was my poor picture taking ability. I have read a number of blogs on taking good pictures…but to no avail. I may have to buy some of those photos in the Photo Gallery during my next cruise.
Pictures are indeed worth thousand words or at least the money you paid for your cruise and worth a ton of memories. Thanks John for your blog, really a lift me-upper after a long day at work in the “real world”.

John Says:
Hello Mark
I love being teased…………….preferably with a peacock feather. Seriously though I loved your comment and I hope you will continue to tease me and check my spelling. Now, lets talk abut Radu our top photographer. It’s funny you should write what you did because after publishing some of his photos here on the blog thingy I thought it might be nice to have an interview with him which included top tips on taking photos at sea…………so look out for that in the days ahead. I am so glad you are enjoying my mussing and long may the teasing continue
Cheers
John

Ray Czenszak Asked:
John (please respond)
Wow! As I read about Jaime’s Splendor adventures around the Cape Horn and see the pictures, I am so disappointed Jeanne and I where unable to book the Trip.
My question is will this be a future itinerary for Carnival ships.
We loved the Baltic Cruise on Splendor and Jaime was a Fantasy host and I am sure this trip was a true Gem with her.
She is truly following in John Heald’s footsteps.
Jeanne and I are counting the days till our New Years Eve celebration on Carnival Miracle and seventh Carnival Cruise.
My hope is we get to do this around the Cape Horn trip in the future on Carnival, maybe with you John.
That would be a blast, but who knows.
We would Love to do a fourth Cruise with you.
Maybe if we get married on a Carnival Cruise we can pick another trip with you.
All the Best to you Heidi and The Thingy.
Ray and Jeanne

John Says:
Hello Ray
I am so glad you are enjoying Jaime’s adventures and another one will be posted later on in today’s blog. These exotic destinations are very exciting and I am sure had the economy no stalled faster than a Caribbean moped than you would have continued to see more South American and European itineraries. However, we need the fleet to be closer to home and the decision to do so has proven very prudent. Carnival more than any other line is best positioned during these difficult times but as you do I also hope that it won’t be long until our ships are back in Europe and beyond. I wish I could be there with you on the Carnival Miracle and if you do get married on a Carnival ship I will do all I can to be there………….can I be a bridesmaid?

Cheers
John

Cheryl Donofrio Asked:
Dear John, Heidi, and Thingy,
I loved your blog today. The only problem is, I have never been able to read the letters. The only thing I could see today was “D Day”. Everything else was white. I got the gist of what was going on by your comments afterward. I think that guest was being oversensitive. After all, no one else complained, did they? I agree with Big Ed about the soup lady. Maybe she WAS blacklisted by HAL. Hee hee. Besides, as someone else said, who would want warm strawberry soup? Bleah.

Jaime’s pictures and commentary were wonderful. The next time CCL goes to South America, they should use that picture of the ship sailing around the horn in their advertising and/or brochure.

John – please reply. Is it really true that Carnival suite passengers get NO other perks besides a nicer room? I was really surprised to hear that yesterday when I asked. I know on other lines they get butler service, priority tender tickets, etc, similar to VIP perks. I was told yesterday that they only get priority embarkation. Hmm. Thank you for your reply.
Your Friend,
Cheryl D.

John Says:
Hello Cheryl
Thanks for the lovely kind words and I am sorry you are having trouble reading the letters. Maybe Stephanie has a word of advice about that as she is a worshiper of all things computers even though she doesn’t have a beard…………..Steph – any reason as to why Cheryl cannot view the letters?

Hi Cheryl,
This probably has to do with how you connect to the internet. Dial up connections sometimes just can’t load content. Where you are connecting from (work vs. home) and the version of your browser also affect what you can and can’t see (Some work places block certain kinds of content, etc.)
Stephanie

As for the suites………although we do offer VIP Check In for suite guests well, yes, you are correct, once onboard we offer the same first class service to everyone regardless of what category stateroom they are in. I know some other lines offer butler service, etc. but I think you will find the attention our fabulous stateroom stewards offer will be as brilliant as any. The benefits that you mentioned do come with Platinum status (10 cruises or more) and I wonder if anyone else has an opinion on this………….should we offer guests who book suites extra service, etc?………I would appreciate your opinion. Anyway, I thank you so much for saying how much you enjoyed the blog and I do hope that this will continue for a long time to come
Cheers
John

cindy56 Asked:
JOHN, PLEASE REPLY
Could you please find out if there are hair dryers in the cabins on the Carnival Sensation after their retrofit? I can’t remember how to check that kind of stuff out on carnival’s website.
Thanks John!

John Says:
Hello Cindy
Yes indeed, I am informed that if you look in the top drawer of the desk in your stateroom you will find a bible and a hair dryer. Please let me know if you need anything else
Cheers
John

retirementman Asked:
PLEASE REPLY JOHN
Good evening John. It’s a shame about that taxi driver. The one we had in St. Thomas was fair and even joked with us as he took us around the city. I think we were lucky that day. There is a question I would like to have you answer if possible. On our last cruise they sent us a sheet asking us if we wanted us to be involved with. It was called
“EXPRESS LUGGAGE” allowing them and the airline people taking care of our luggage and we would pay $20 each, our boarding passes would be sent to our cabin and once our luggage was taken off the ship we wouldn’t see our luggage until we arrived at the Detroit airport. My wife and I did it and it was fantastic. No luggage to the bus and the airport in Ft. Lauderdale. My question is will this be done in all the ships and all the ports next year? I’m not sure which cruise I plan on taking next year but I do know that one of them will be at Port Canaveral, Ft. Lauderdale or Miami so we were wondering if the “LUGGAGE EXPRESS” would be used again next year. I think it is an excellent thing for those that fly.
Say hi to Heidi for us and that Jaime is fantastic and also very beautiful. I’m surprised that some guy hasn’t married her away. Thank you for your assistance John.
Paul F. Pietrangelo

John Says:
Hello Paul
I was glad to hear you had a good experience with your taxi driver in St. Thomas. It appears that this is not always the case though which is disappointing. I am also glad you enjoyed using the LEX luggage system. This luggage express does indeed take away some of the stresses and strains of today’s flying experiences and we are proud to offer it. Most of the major American-based airlines now offer this and we just added Air Canada as well to the program. It is available from all the Floridian homeports and I will check to see if it is available in Alabama, Texas and California and if it will be in Baltimore and let you know. I am always pleased to hear from you and as always I send you and your wife my kindest regards

John

Carol Asked:
Hi John, Please reply
Well John I thought I would take you up on your offer of the picture of you naked. We will be on the Carnival Legend leaving March 8 cabin #. I thought your picture naked would just make my cruise .This is my 56th birthday celebration and what better fun than to have you there in our room in your birthday suit. FUN FOR ALL ALL FOR FUN.
This will also be a great way to make some money imagine if your bobble head brought $47. What could I get for your picture on eBay? Thanks for the offer because I would never thought of this myself.
Love your blog.
Jamie is doing a great job hope she
keeps the letters and pictures coming.
This is the first of three cruises we have booked for this year.
Thanks,
Carol M

John Says:
Hello Carol
I want you to have fun not spend the entire cruise looking at a photo of me naked and consequently needing psychiatric help when you get home. Have a wonderful cruise and as you spent $47 on my bobblehead you can expect a gift or two. Have a brilliant time and wish I was there with you
Cheers
John

Catrin Asked:
Hi John,
((( Please do NOT post on the Blog – but a generic reply that you did receive it would be appreciated!))
John… I am writing to you in a bit of frustration… only to vent, really… because I know you are someone who deeply cares about what the loyal Carnival Customer thinks….
The day after our eighth and most recent cruise, we booked our ninth. Carnival Cruises are our vacation of choice… especially for my kids, who are 14, 10 and 4.
When we booked, we booked an 8A Balcony Cabin, which was upgraded to an 8C. This is on the Carnival Pride, which has a sailing in Miami, before it goes to Baltimore. What a great opportunity to sail a ship we have not been on before! Anyway, there were AFT Cabins available in the 8C category… and my husband was very excited to book one of these!
In late fall, the categories changed for the cabin we booked, and it was now considered an 8I. We watched the prices of this cruise go down considerably – but not for the 8I. When I called Carnival Reps, I was told that, although we booked when it was an 8C, we now have to look at the 8I prices if we wanted a reduction.
The price difference between the 8A and 8I eventually became $250.00 per person – and we booked two cabins, since my mom is traveling with us. So, for the aft cabin, we were now spending $1000.00 more, than the 8A originally booked. BUT, now Steve (my cruise fanatic husband who reads your blog the second he comes home from work) had his heart set on this aft cabin, and we stayed.
TODAY, however… for the first time, if you book an 8A you were upgraded all the way to the 8I. WOW! Now, the price difference was a little less… $110.00 per person, for a total of $440.00. BUT>>>> the kicker…. is that we have made our final payment. Carnival Reps will NOT BUDGE and WILL NOT offer any On Board Credit or Refund.
The Early Saver Program was not offered for this cruise until AFTER our final payment was made.
What was our incentive to being loyal and booking early?
Cabin choice really isn’t the issue, since the cabin exactly next to ours is wide open.
Couldn’t Carnival “Grandfather us in” >those who booked 6 months or more in advance?
I know with the economy and crazy cruise market… that if Carnival let every customer lower the cruise fare, it would be a financial nightmare. But, I do feel a pit in my stomach, knowing that Joe Schmo, who doesn’t care who’s cruise line he is on, or even the fact he is on a cruise… will be in the cabin next to me for a LOT LESS MONEY!
I guess I just feel that I am being “ripped off” – although I deep down inside know it isn’t the case, and it was a business decision. It won’t turn me away, since we are already discussing our 10th and Platinum Cruise for next year….
But I wanted to share my frustration with someone I know, who genuinely cares about the Loyal Carnival Customer! The reps were certainly following a specific script….. And although she was very pleasant, it was as if she was not hearing me at all. It would have been a nice gesture to offer a “token” on board credit or something for those of us who could not take advantage of this new pricing strategy – which, by the way, we would have jumped at – since we book so far in advance anyway.
If you could pass this along >> so that the “powers can be” can see an opinion from someone caught in the pricing shuffle.
Thanks for listening,
Cathy Moses
Booking # Carnival Pride 4/11/09

John Says:
Cathy
I can totally understand how you feel and I am very glad you took the time to write to me. I want you to give me a few days and allow me to investigate this further. First though I need to know if you booked this directly through a Carnival sales agent, a Carnival PVP or a travel agent. Let me know and also please include your booking number. Don’t upset yourself and let’s see what we can do
I will await your response
Thanks and regards
John

Cathy Asked:
I have been cruising with Carnival since 1980 (on the Carnivale) and have been lurking your blog for the past few months. Some time ago, I stumbled onto your blogs and did not care for all the bodily function references. However, after my last three cruises, I have a new regard for the cruise director position – and have gotten used to your humor and enjoy all the info you post. My recent cruises with Malcolm ‘In the Middle’ Burn (Whoo Hoo) and Shawn Bussey (on her last run before her thingy arrived) really got me quite interested in the role of CD as well as the captain. So now I read your blog to feed that interest and hopefully, I will have the chance to cruise on one of your future sailings.
Now I know there are special attributes for a person to be a CD – like – loves people, has thick skin, is funny, likes to eat, does not get seasick, has an attention to detail, yearns to be on stage, is immune to viruses, can manage unusual situations and can be away from home for months on end.

My question to you – other than having a huge personality, what training do you receive as a CD? Now I am one of those Wall Street bankers you hear about on the news daily – and would never qualify – but am very curious and will probably be more selective with my cruises – taking advantage of sailing with the most interesting staff available.
Thanks for promoting Carnivale so well – your company has always provided great fun with a lot of value. Keep all those fun ideas and cruises coming!!

John Says:
Hello Cathy
First of all let me congratulate you for a brilliant post. Now, let’s start with the bodily functions you mention. I often wonder if I have a fetish when it comes to this subject but then I remember I am British and grew up on a diet of comedy where number twos and bottom noises were the main dish……………..my apologies if they are not to your liking.

That’s the thing about being a CD – as I will mention at the end of the blog today – you can never please all the people all the time. Oh, you might think you can. I know did for years and would get so upset when it was obvious that this was not possible. Now, I look at the big picture and try to listen to what the masses are saying. You still try and please everyone but while 1,000 people will laugh at something you say there will be one or two who will find what you say totally insensitive especially in the world we live in today.
You asked about the training a cruise director gets. Well, they spend time as an assistant cruise director learning the paper work and all the boring stuff you and Mr. Dell have to do each and every day. But the real job of a Carnival cruise director is to provide the fun we advertise and for that………well………in my humble opinion there is no training for that. You either have it…….or you don’t. A love of people, a love of life and as you said a skin as thick as 10 Paris Hiltons is a must. I know these are difficult times for you and your colleagues on Wall Street so hang in there and if you see anyone from AIG who lost all my pension savings please give him or her my kindest regards……….and then push them off the 29th floor. I will try and keep my bodily function remarks down to just two or three per blog and hope you keep reading

Cheers
John

Jeri R Green Asked:
Please reply: Great blog – as usual. I’m so glad you witnessed that bully and put a stop to his actions. Host Mach assumes he, the manager, is now to be unemployed by Carnival. Is this the case? I hope so! Jamie, your blogs have been a delight to read and I look forward to them every day. The photos make me want to visit the places you are seeing even though I hate cold weather, snow and ice! By the way, our very favorite photographer and one we now consider to be our friend is on the Splendor. He is Jonathan Manaog and a great young man. While we were on four (Wow! I can’t believe we did that including the Transatlantic!) Cruises on the Liberty he helped make the time even more special. Could you try to see him and tell him how much we appreciated his good work?
Jeri and Larry

John Says:
Hello Jerry and Larry
I can’t really comment any further on our bully but let’s just say the situation was taken care of. I am glad Jaime has so many fans and she deserves each and every one of them. I also am a big fan of Jonathan and he is still from what I understand on the Carnival Splendor so I will indeed pass on your regards and thanks. Please let me know if you need anything else. My best wishes to you both
John

texaskit Asked:
Dear John (please reply)
Why can’t the price of the “sold on board” excursions be posted with the excursion description? My husband and I are going on the June 24 Northbound Alaska cruise on the Spirit and I am trying to plan excursions for us. Having the price posted could be the difference between waiting to book on board or saying “Nope too expensive” and booking something else we’re less interested in online. Hope you’ve decided to make the June 24th cruise your choice for Alaska (after all it’s still all your fault that I’m getting on a ship…going to a cool climate…with a balcony cabin
Texaskit (The one with the shaking knees, hanging on to her husband…….but still having a wonderful time)

John says:
Hello Texaskit
That’s a good question and do you know what as I sit here and reply to you I do not know the reason why. I am sure there must be one so let me find out and at the same time let me pass on your suggestion to the ladies and gents in our shore excursion department. If you have any specific questions on any specific tours please let me know. I am still working on my June schedule but if I do an Alaskan cruise I promise the June 24 will be my first choice. Your knees should stop knocking because I promise you that you will have a safe and fun time onboard and the only reason you will need to hold on to your husband is to tell him you love him
My best to you both
John

Elaine Asked:
I’m going right to the source because the rumors are flying again… Will you be CD on the March 29 sailing of the Valor???? Some are saying yes, some are saying no… lol
And is there anyway that we can request The Rocky Horror Picture Show to be played on the Lido Deck one night? I want my kids to see me “just a jump to the left” etc etc and look at me in a new way… crazier!!! Thnx..
And here’s one I don’t think you’d expect… What size t-shirt do you and Heidi wear (pre-pregnancy!!)…????

John Says:
Elaine
I am going to answer the first part of your question later in today’s blog. How are you by the way? I wish we had the Rocky Horror picture show here but I am sorry to say we don’t have it on our current inventory. However we do have the following kids big screen movies.
PRINCE CASPIAN AND THE ADVENTURES OF A BANANA OR NARNIA OR SOMETHING
KUNG FU PANDA
ICE AGE 2
JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH
and others
As for T-shirts…..Heidi wears a large and I wear a XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL
Thanks for thinking of us and best to you and all the family
John

Lauri Asked:
John,
Please Reply:
I recently found your blog while researching for my upcoming honeymoon cruise. (Legend Sept 27, 2009) First I would like to thank you so much for all of the entertainment, information, and much needed levity!! I also have gone back and read all of your past posts and have had a hoot of time doing so. Keep up the good work and I am hoping to someday be on one of those blogger cruises!
That being said (I bet you love to hear that huh?) I cannot believe the people that have to deal with on a daily basis!! The taxi driver, the junior manager bully, and the forgotIamonacruiseshipwithpeoplefromatleast10othercountrieswhomightnotbeinterestedinUSPresidentObamaspeechwhileonvacation guy! All I can say is my job as a bean counter isn’t looking so bad!!! (Ok I lied)
Now to my questions, finally! As it is my honeymoon cruise is there seating for two in the Legend dining room and if so will we be able to request that with the open seating we have chosen? Secondly are their refrigerators in the rooms as I would like to surprise my hubby with a cold bottle of bubbly when we get on board.Thanks and I so look forward to your daily dose of life!!

John Says:
Hello Lauri
I m honoured (spelt correctly) that you have discovered the blog thingy, you are most welcome. As you can see there is so much that happens on every ship behind the scenes and I am glad to be given a chance to share it all with you. As you are sailing on your Honeymoon cruise please post again with the dates, ship and your cabin number and I will see what we can do to help your dreams come true. Keep counting the beans and if you have any sugar free ones please send them to me
Cheers
John

Kathy Leblanc Asked:
Hi John,
I am hoping you can help me. I have been reading your blog since the very beginning, and have posted once or twice (mainly about you being too hard on yourself), but this time, I need some help.
I work for a Canadian organization which grants dreams to children with severe physical disabilities or life threatening illnesses, and currently have a young man who has requested a New England cruise. We have booked this trip on Carnival – of course – and he is set to sail Aug. 1-6 of this year. His family has requested an early seating for dinner as this young man needs to get a good deal of rest, and will likely be asleep by the time the late seating rolls around. When our travel agent requested this through your reservation centre, she was told the request would be noted, but could not be guaranteed until the family checked-in. She explained the special circumstances, but felt her plea has fallen on deaf ears. Is there any way you could help us to ensure that the family is given an early seating? Because no one from our organization travels with the families, we like to ensure that everything is smooth sailing (pardon the pun) for them when they arrive, and would prefer if they didn’t have to worry about making any changes once they arrive on board. If this is possible, please email me at —— and I will provide you with the family’s reservation number and any other information you may require.
Thank you so much John for being the outstanding gentleman that you are…this world could use more John Heald’s!

John Says:
Hello Kathy
It will be my pleasure to help you in any way I can. Please send me the booking number, dates and all your requests for the family and I will make sure they are honored. Look forward to hearing from you soon and thanks you for all the wonderful work you and your organization do
Kind regards
John

John Friedman Asked:
John – Please reply
We, along with Bill Todd, will also be on the Panama Canal cruise. Please post very publicly the excursions as we have had the same problem as Bill, and even some concerns for safety. Wish you were going to be with us!!! Our best to Heidi and “Thingy.”

John Says:
Hello John
Thanks for the kind wishes for Heidi and the Thingy. I just spoke to our tour operations department and they promised me the final list of excursions will be ready this week and that as soon as they are they will send the link to me and I will post it here on the blog thingy, I know we are keeping you waiting so please except my apologies but I promise you will have all the information soon. Now………you mentioned you were concerned about “safety” so I wondered if there was something specific I could help with there and provide some answers. If there is, please let me know
I will write again soon
Cheers

Louise D Asked:
Dear John:
I am in a bit of a pickle and asking for help. We are booked on the 4/11/09 Pride sailing and have paid in full.
I purchased a Scrip Fun Ship Dollars ($100) through my children’s school (it is a fundraiser). To my surprise when I received the certificate it states not valid for on board credit! Exactly what I wanted it for. Am I to assume I have thrown $100 away in this economy?
Looking forward to your response.
Louise D.

John Says:
Hello Louise
Thanks for taking the time to write. I will have to check this out as I have never heard of this before. Please let me pass this to someone and they will advise me as to what exactly this “credit” can be used for. We’ll check it out and let you know. My best to you and your family and as soon as I know something I will pass it along to you
John

Cheri Bolchoz Asked:
Please Reply
John
Hope you and Heidi are doing well.
Have you had a chance to mail the ornaments out yet? I have not received them yet.
Looking forwarding to sailing on the Fascination out of Jacksonville (only 4 hrs from home)
Also looking forward to going to Half Moon Cay
have heard lot about the port.
Hope to meet up with you soon
Tell Heidi to take care of herself
Cheri & Michael

John Says:
Hello Cheri
Oh please tell me you got them. I mailed them two weeks ago while I was in Miami from the post room at our head office. I am hoping that by the time you have read this they will be with you ready to hang on the tree in December. Please let me know
Best to you both
John

Jim Schlottman Asked:
John, you were are first CD and we have measured everyone since by the great experience you provided. We are cruising again in late March with Ralph Valente as the CD. What can you tell me about Ralph?

John Says:
Hello Jim
Ralph can never measure up to me……………….because he is 5 feet 4 inches tall. However he is a brilliant young Scott who the guests and crew call Wee Jimmy. He is very funny and his energy levels are constantly set on high so you are assured of loads of fun, laughter and big surprises……….unless you look under his kilt where you will find a very small surprise. Get ready for a brilliant cruise………..said in a Scottish accent
Thanks for the so kind words and my best to you and the family
John

CruisinSue Asked:
John (PleaseReply)
First of all, let me say how much I enjoyed the Bloggers cruise on the Fantasy. How amazing it is to be a part of Big Ed’s Krewe family. Unfortunately I had to depart NOLA in a hurry for a family emergency, so I was unable to say goodbye to my newfound family and friends. We so enjoyed being a part of the Beacon of Hope project. I hope our little bit of work helped them out.
I am booked on the Valor on March 29. I need to know if a certain bar waitress is still on the Valor. Her name is Jurghita and she is from Lithuania. She was on the Freedom in Europe with us in Oct. 2007. She is absolutely precious and we would love to see her again. Please, if you can, let me know if she is still there and I will definitely get in touch with her. (My hubby thinks she is terrific too) Thanks in advance.
Give my best to Heidi and thingy. Also tell the Stephanie’s hi for me. See you on March 29???
Gloria aka Sue

John Says:
Hello Sue.
Great to hear from you. I was sorry to read about your family emergency and I hope things are OK now. Jurghita is currently on vacation so I am sorry to say she won’t be hear when you sail on the 29th. I am glad you enjoyed her service though and I know you will be very impressed with the service from all the crew here on the ship. Thank you so much for all the help you gave us in New Orleans and I hope we will all be together again very soon
Best wishes
John

Maribeth Kring Asked:
Hi John, Please Reply,
I was just chatting online with Ralph Valente. He is such a great CD! Sailed with him twice on the Conquest and my daughter and I had a ball. He said that you were the one who tagged him with the name Wee Jimmy and said to ask you who Mr. Robinson and the friend cha is. Soooo, I’m asking….
Maribeth “CarnivalJunkie” Kring

John Says:
Hello Maribeth
It’s funny that someone was just asking a few questions ago about Weeeeeeeeee Jimmy and yes I did give him that nickname. It was either that or “small Scottish sweaty man who never spends any money and smells.”………………but we went with Weeeeeeeee Jimmy. Mrs. Robinson is Weeeeeee Jimmy’s alter ego. He sometimes puts on women’s clothes and likes to dress like a 1950′s schoolteacher…….he actually looks better as Mrs. Robinson than he does as Wee Jimmy. Please send him my regards……I miss him and her.
Cheers
John

That’s it for now…………….please let me know if there is anything I can do for you by marking your comments John, please reply.

So, today my schedule changed …………again and with it comes the knowledge that I will be letting some of you………….my friends…………..down. I am leaving the Carnival Valor from Belize on Thursday March 19 and flying via Houston to San Francisco to join the Carnival Splendor. I will be hosting some special events in my role as brand ambassador there as well as hosting a similar event in Los Angeles. Then………..on Sunday March 29th I will be involved somehow in the Sunday Funday events which means I will not be here on the Carnival Valor.

I just had this confirmed today although I had my suspicions for a few days but didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. Please allow me to apologize sincerely to people like Carolyn and others who I know booked the cruise hoping I would be here. I am so sorry I won’t be but I know you will still have a wonderful time.

Please, anyone who reads this blog thingy who had booked that cruise or the one before it (22nd) would you send me your names and cabin numbers so I can ……. well …………just send me your information please…….and know I am truly sorry I cannot be with you.

After the Sunday Funday event I am going home to be with Heidi and the Thingy although I will be returning to the States on 24 April to host the special events in Baltimore to mark the arrival of the Carnival Pride.

Then we have a Thingy and then I come back to work to be CD again on the Carnival Freedom for two glorious months.

OK, I will leave some of you to be angry at me for not being here when you sail and pass you over to Jaime.

March 2, 2009

Dear John,

Just a quick note to you this morning to let you know what we have been up to on the Carnival Splendor during the last of our sea days on cruise number two of our South American adventure.

We just finished debarkation here in Valparaiso, Chile, and it could not have more smoothly. By this time in the cruise, guests are truly learning our procedures on board. Our team of cruise staff, guest services representatives, security and all involved in debarkation are working together seamlessly in order to accommodate the multiple guest schedules for the day. Today, we have 2,300 guests returning to the ship, 900 guests leaving us for their safe journey home, and 700 new friendly faces joining us later on ready to begin their vacation of a lifetime.

We had a very special event this cruise that I had never before seen during any of my previous Carnival cruises. As you may have read a few days ago, Bill was disappointed that we were not conducting a formal past guest reception as we typically do on shorter cruises. Now when he wrote this message he was not aware of the brainstorming that was going into play in order to properly thank and honor our 2,500+ loyal guests. I overheard many suggestions including holding the reception on Lido deck, since that was the only place to accommodate this high number of people.

The only problem with this idea was that we did not have enough plastic cups on board to quench the typically extremely thirsty past guests =). In addition, the captain would never allow that high quantity of glasses by the pool area on Lido. The solution to the problem ended up being a completely open bar for an hour before each of our dinner seatings. My friends that are bartenders and bar waiters said that they had prepared so many drinks in order to be properly equipped for this huge event, but they could hardly keep up with the guest consumption! Different bands lit up each lounge throughout the ship, guests were merrily dancing and having a great time. I know that all of our guests both previous guests and first time cruisers were all extremely satisfied with this alternative to a formal past guest reception.

Since this is an extremely unique cruise, these last few days I have been paying special attention to the behavior of the hundreds of guests who have been spending an extended period of time with one another. Now this does not apply to everyone, because some people are genuinely here to spend time with loved ones, enjoy these fabulous ports of call, meet new friends and create lasting memories. However, for some this extended cruise is a perfect opportunity to go backwards in process of evolution in terms of manners.

Over the past 31 days, I have witnessed people cutting in line at the buffet in order to get some sugared walnuts and completely disregarding the long line of individuals waiting their turn to eat. I understand how food is such a scarce resource on board any cruise ship, but really this type of inconsideration has the likelihood of creating a stir amongst their peers. Plus, I think there are enough sugared nuts to go around! I have seen guests literally jockeying for position to be the first to board a tender boat. If one of their friends were to get injured, I think they would rethink this rude behavior. I have also heard stories of the chaos that broke out when the gift shop displayed their $19.99 on-sale watches.

This morning however, my faith in humanity was restored. During our debarkation process, one of our guests had a medical emergency. Without going into too much detail, a gentleman fell to the floor while standing on Lido aft. One of his fellow guests, a former EMT, ran to his side to aid to administer CPR to his comrade. 911 was called, and the medical team was on the scene in the blink of an eye. As the guest was carried down the stairs all the way from deck 9 to the deck zero infirmary, I helped to make announcements to clear the path due to a medical emergency. Usually on debarkation morning everyone is in such a rush to get off the ship. However on this morning, guests parted like the Red Sea as if it was their own family member whose life was in danger.

I am happy to report Becca and our amazing medical team had stabilized this guest before the ambulance turned up. Today is going to be a great day.

More soon about Valparaiso, as we begin our final 18-day voyage!

The prepared drinks and guests in the atrium lobby enjoying our unique Past Guest Reception.

The show band performing their Dixieland set in the atrium lobby.

Your friend,
Jaime =)

Great story once again Jaime and I hear your whirlwind romance with Bill Zydecocruiser is already over and you are on the prowl again. We all want you happy and married my December.

So, here we are bathed in sunshine in Grand Cayman. However we are not in our usual place outside of George Town the capital but instead we are on the other side of the island at a place called Spot Bay. This is because the swells in the harbour (spelt correctly) were too great to have a safe tender operation so the port authority moved us to Spot Bay…………….well, they moved some of us because there is room for just three ships so the Carnival Legend and the Norwegian Graffiti were told to bugger off and spent the day at sea. Now, I said just now that there is a place for three ships here………there may be a place just about for one ship to tender but three?……….that’s a real stretch….as my New Yorker friends would say “forget abart it.”

Spot Bay is rather tiny – it looks like it is made up of bits of 2 by 4 — and tendering guests into this pier is about as much fun as getting your zipper caught on your thingy.
Today, we have the Carnival Valor, the Grand Princess and the Neverusedclimbingwall of the Seas……………..that’s 9,500 passengers…………..plus crew. This means that only two tenders can dock at a time and this means long lines coming back and very little room in which to operate in. Also, instead of just walking across the road into town guests have to pay $6 each way to get there…………….and that makes some very grumpy.

It’s now 4 pm and we were supposed to have left as was the Grand Princess. We have 300 guests still waiting for tenders and this means we will sail late, of course. The lines on the pier for the RCI ship are even longer as they have many more passengers of course……….imagine what it will be like on a 5,000-passenger ship.

So:

The next statement is mine and mine alone and is not affiliated to Carnival Cruise Lines ………..please………..Cayman……..build a bloody pier…………I will, even come and help mix the cement myself.

OK, I had better get ready to welcome everyone home and face the music. Just before I go there are two things I want to share with you. First, we have the piano bar schedule. I know Divetrash (hi Laura) will already know this but for those who do not here is the current list of the men and women who provide brilliant entertainment in our signature bars.

MI Laurie Anne Gardner 02/25/09
EL Peter Rossetti 02/26/09
HO Lisa York 02/28/09
FD Peter Brenner 02/28/09
SP Steve Brisley 03/12/09
SL Greg Gallello 03/19/09
IS Barry Miller 04/06/09
GL Gayla Smith 04/11/09
TI Angela Johnson 04/12/09
FS Mikael Smith 04/13/09
PA Jordan Heppner 04/13/09
PR Duane Lewis 04/18/09
FA Richard Canter 05/02/09
EC Lorraine Ingle 05/02/09
VI Eric Fischer 05/03/09
LE Jason Davis 05/03/09
IM Josh Tuckman 05/04/09
CQ Milburn Dumas 06/07/09
SE Robert Stiel 06/11/09
LI Larry Maconaghy 07/08/09
DE Brad Alexander 07/23/09
VA Roger Concepcion 08/23/09

I thank them all for all that they do.

Finally, I mentioned that I was anxiously awaiting the ratings from the comment card after my first Caribbean cruise as CD in a long time. Well, here is my personal rating.

CRUISE DIRECTOR – 92.8%

Now, this is a rating I am very happy with and let me explain how it is arrived at. All the comment cards are counted and then people with beards put them through a computer which……….well………..I have no idea what happens but a rating is formatted based on what the guests say and which of the three ratings they have chosen.

They are:

EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS………………1337

MET MY EXPECTATIONS ………145

OPPORTUNITY FOR IMPROVEMENT – 12

Now, this means that 1,494 guests out of 3,100 filled the cards out. With that you have to consider the 400 kids who mostly don’t take the time to do so……..why would they ….. they’re kids?

This also means that while 1,337 people thought I was funny………145 thought that I was …well, OK….but nothing special…….and 12 people thought I was …… well ………….. crap.

I have no idea who these people are but I apologize that I wasn’t to their liking and I hope they have a safe flight back to Paris.

Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and the Thingy