MIAMI BITCH…..OOPS…..I MEAN BEACH

March 26, 2012 -

John Heald -

37 Comments

As you may know, I was in Miami two weeks ago sorting Carnival Breeze stuff out with the beards and while there I decided I wanted to go for a really good meal to say thanks to my assistant Calvyn for all his hard work. We had eaten for most of the week at restaurants that pretty much all look the same, smell the same and whose food all tastes the same. So taking a break from Tony Chili’s and Ruby Roma’s, we headed to Miami Beach for a proper dinner at a very upscale restaurant. It is considered the most popular place in town and the place to be seen and the place for the rich and the tanned. I knew it may not be easy to get into but considering Calvyn and I were heading there at 6 pm and most of the Miami “faces” don’t even get out of bed before 8 pm as it would be very uncool to be seen eating dinner before 10 pm.

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Heidi and I have not celebrated Valentine’s Day since her father passed away on February 14th 2005. And while tomorrow on the Carnival Magic guests will be proclaiming their love for each other and Carnival gives each lady a rose to mark this day of love, I shall be ignoring it. Now this isn’t just because it has for the last seven years become a day of sadness and remembrance because I have always hated Valentine’s Day ever since I was a teenager and I stood by the door waiting for a card to fall through the letterbox telling me that someone loved me. But they didn’t and February 14th was just another reminder that I was ugly and I had as much chance of getting a Valentine’s Day card as H82seaugo becoming president of the I Love John Heald fan club. No mailman was going to find himself with a hernia after delivering my mail on February 14th.

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I love basketball but honestly I put baseball into the same category as synchronised swimming and find it as exciting as watching paint dry. But having been here in Philly the day after the team whose name I can’t remember won the baseball world championship and being around the restaurants here it seems that baseball is still the subject of mass conversation. The other thing that they talk about is the Philly cheese steak sandwich and who serves the best.

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OPERATION HASBRO

January 27, 2012 -

John Heald -

20 Comments

This morning I have been suffering from something that has had my hemorrhoids flaring up like a puff adder and it has to do with changing my password. Now I am going to try and explain what has been going on but remember I have the technology and computer skills of a dyslexic hamster but I will give it a try.
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