Good morning everyone, this is Heidi and for those of you who are new to the blog thingy, I am John’s wife and John’s donkey. I will tell you what I mean in a minute but I wanted to say a very big thank you for your kindness and all the presents you have sent to Kye from the Bloggers Cruise. She loves all her Barney things and I love it because she loves it and Barney loves her and I love it even more because anything purple now drives my loving husband absolutely crazy so thank you everyone and I know I will see many of you on the Carnival Magic this year.

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Hello Blogger friends,

Heidi here from a very grey U.K…..

First of all I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and yours a very happy, healthy and FUN 2011! All festivities have come and gone again and as much fun as it was….I don’t mind getting back to normality, well, as normal as it gets in the Heald household.

I am writing this with Kye on my lap as Dadda has a serious case of Man Flu / Real Flu….

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Good morning everyone. This is Heidi here writing to you on this lovely Thursday morning here in the UK. Before I continue I should mention that I am not sitting here in my underpants or Johns underpants for that matter. I am fully clothed and happy to have the chance to start John’s blog for him today. That’s because early this morning John and I had a little bit of an argument you could say. Kye woke up at 6:30 am which is early for her and normally I have a routine of going down stairs, making her a bottle of milk, changing her nappy or diaper as you call them and then bring her back into our bed to feed her. This morning though I was really snug under the covers and had been having a dream about Rafael Nadal’s bottom. Not really but I told John I had because he gets on my nerves all the time talking about Megan Fox and her skinny bottom.
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Yesterday Iceland farted on the UK.

And as ash spewed from the Eyjafjallajökull volcano. This caused the men and women with beards to put on their high visibility jackets and shut down the skies. Al Gore blamed global warming. The Mayan Indians said it was the end of the world and the tofu-eating greens want to tax the volcano because it produces more carbon dioxide than my Range Rover.
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I have to admit something to you which may change your opinion of me. Last night before I went to bed……….. I killed four men.

The first two I shot with a good old-fashioned shotgun, and then for the third one, who was 9 feet high and wearing body armor complete with alien technology, I had to use a photon cannon…….thingy.
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Yesterday I went to London to meet with the most prestigious travel writer in the British Press ………….Mr. Frank Barrett who is the Travel Editor of the Sunday Mail Newspaper …………….. think USA Today’s Gene Sloan but with a Prince Charles type of accent.
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I don’t know about you but I am sick to bloody death of this Tiger Woods thing in the news. Even this morning as I sit here in my hotel room in my underpants all CNN and Fox and MSNBC are talking about is poor Tiger…………….or Cheetah as some are calling him.

Why was Tiger Woods leaving his home at a little after 2am? How could he then hit a fire hydrant and crash into a neighbor’s tree while driving at less than 30mph, especially as police say alcohol played no part in the incident? ……………………and who cares?
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I hadn’t been ashore for 14 days and so yesterday in Tampa I had 40 minutes for lunch in between meetings and immigration.

I decided rather than sit in a corner of my cabin, in my underpants, dribbling on myself …..I had better get off the ship. The last time I was in Tampa with the Carnival Legend there was bugger all to do close to the port. That has of course all changed with shops and restaurants within waddling distance………..and so I forced myself to get off the ship and go for lunch…….on my own…….because I have no friends….because I am Billy No Mates.
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You may have read in yesterdays Q and A section of the blog thingy that a blogger was asking about Skype and its availability on the ships. As I mentioned it is not normally available due to something called “bandwidth” people with beards tell me that reception is more up and down than Paris Hilton’s knickers.

And that’s a shame because it would be just perfect for me if Heidi and I could talk via video phone and I could look at Kye and Kye could look at me going “fluba luba poo poo nicky nacky noo noo” ………….yes……….I now speak fluent baby.
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Like Superman, Batman is a superhero but he is different from the others. He doesn’t have any superpowers built in but instead uses gadgets and a secret cave, a bit like James Bond in Lycra. Most superheroes have something wrong with them. Peter Parker was bitten in the bollocks by a radioactive spider and acquired its thingies to become your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

He moaned at the time but he could have just as easily been bitten by a radioactive dung beetle, thus merely inheriting the power of floating on the surface of a pond or borrowing into a huge pile of elephant poo…….and in a fight with the Green Goblin that is next to useless.
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