In reality, it’s pretty difficult to hear the phones ring anyway in our theaters. You see, 27 cats could be having cattle prods shoved up their arses and none of our guests would hear anything. The sound in our theatres is full and meaty and creates a great atmosphere for our guests and gives energy to the cast. Someone’s Eyephone spouting off the James Bond theme has as much effect as a hamster farting in a hurricane.

Many people find ring tones the world’s most annoying sound but on ships, certainly it is not. I’d rather be subject to a guests cell phone playing Moves Like Jagger than as I did yesterday at my Travel Talk where some chap had brought his breakfast from Lido and I was subjected to him munch and slurp his way through a bowl of cereal while I am trying to talk about where the sodding gangway is in Montego Bay.

By the way, what kind of person would sit in the second row of my travel talk on the Carnival Magic wearing an RCCL T-shirt and baseball cap? I was going to have fun with him but realised that this is maybe what he wanted, so I ignored him in the same way Calvyn ignores the Die Hard trilogy in favor of Steel Magnolias and his Will and Grace box set.

Time for today’s Q and A…….away we go.

Lil Warwas asked:
Dear John,

If at all possible, could you get me the recipe for the lasagne in the Cucina del Capitano? We had the pleasure of it on the Carnival Magic Nov 14 and I am still thinking of it! My mom used to make a roast in her pasta sauce sometimes when I was a child and it reminded me so of her! She passed away a few years ago and this brought back so many nice memories of her. Please, if you can send me the recipe so I can make it for my family for the holidays. By the way, our trip was awesome! We loved the new Carnival Magic and everyone was so great as usual. I don’t understand people that complain about the little stuff. I always come away from our trips on Carnival with a huge satisfaction but maybe just a bit of sadness that I couldn’t stay longer.

Thank you.

Lil Warwas

John says:
Hello Lil Warwas,

Thanks so much for the kind words about the wonderful Cucina del Capitano. It really has become a huge hit here and tonight as I write to you there are 110 people booked to enjoy their meal there. The bad news is that the chef while allowing me to share recipes from the main menu he won’t share ones from Cucina as he has some trade secrets I am afraid. So I hope you get to cruise again soon and try your favourite dish once again.

Best wishes.

John

Lenny Karl asked:

I was curious why Carnival never has adult-only cruises. I am a single man in my 50′s and would cruise Carnival if they had single cruises and adults-only cruises. I do not want to spend my vacation with horrible rug rats and I bet ya many of my age would agree. Singles only adult cruises would sell and I am surprised that Carnival has not seen the light.

John says:
Hello Lenny Karl,

Carnival is proud to be a family cruise line and although we do occasionally have large singles groups sail with us you won’t see us turning a ship over as a singles/adult cruise and I doubt any other cruise line would do this either. I hope you can find a time when the child count is low so you can come sail with us and meet some new friends.

Best wishes.

John

Thomas Romuald asked:

You always talk about Platinum passengers and yet ignore Milestoners. I am a Milestone member and we are treated the same as Platinum passengers even though we have taken more cruises and spent more money than the now thousands of platinum passengers. I hope Carnival will start to take care of people like me and reward them and not drop us in the same barrel as platinum passengers as we deserve better.

John says:
Hello Thomas Romuald,

Thanks for writing and of course we truly appreciate your incredible loyalty to Carnival and I hope that under the existing loyalty program you will already see how much we value you and the time you spend on our ships. Soon the new loyalty program will arrive and there will be four levels of which you will be at the highest and I am positive you will appreciate what we will be doing for you. So long may your loyalty continue and if there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.

Best wishes.

John

Jorge SALTARIN and Jenny ROJAS asked:
Dear John,

We have had a very good experience with Carnival in the past especially in 2008 during our Miami cruise to Bahamas, but nowadays we didn’t receive any response to our letter from Nov. 19. We had to cancel our cruise from Galveston because our flight was delayed from Bogota to Houston because of weather. We spoke with Ms. Ana Myers and sent the letter to customer service but NEVER received a response for our petition to change the date of the cruise or return the money. We told Carnival about this problem with international service because the weather conditions at the airport in Bogota but never received any response. Please could you help us?

All our best regards,

Jorge and Jenny

John says:
Hello Jorge and Jenny,

I am sorry to read about your travel woes and I will make sure I pass this onto one of my colleagues so that they can look into your situation. I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply but I will investigate this for you both. Thanks for writing to me and someone will be in touch.

Best wishes.

John

Gregg Metody asked:

When will you be on the Carnival Magic? I want to make sure I don’t cruise with you. Yes you read that right as I don’t want to cruise with a director who has such a disgusting toilet based sense of humor. We are looking at June 12 so please tell me that you won’t be there.

Thank you,

Gregg Metody

John says:
Hello Gregg Metody,

I am very glad that you wrote to me because the last thing I would ever want is to stop you from cruising on this magnificent ship Carnival Magic. I realise that my humour is not for everyone and you will be glad to know that in June I won’t be here and the CD will be Butch Begovich who is a brilliant CD and guaranteed never to offend anyone. So please go ahead and book and I wish you and your family a wonderful cruise.

Best wishes.

John

Becky Noll asked:
Dear John,

My husband and I just got off the Carnival Liberty yesterday and I just wanted to say it was our third cruise and by far the best yet! The Carnival Liberty is an amazingly beautiful ship, we were lucky to have Butch and Amy 6’3″ as CD and assistant. The only things we weren’t crazy about were the ThirstyFrog Red beer (too sour for our taste, we prefer a nice Blue Moon – no wisecracks, please), and Guy’s Burgers could have done without the added butter. This did not, however, prevent my husband from eating there twice! And once we figured out that from certain parts of deck 2, we had to go up to deck 4 then back down to 3 to get to our dining room, it was all good. Best of all, I finally won a coveted Ship on a Stick! We’re already planning next year’s cruise. It annoys me to see so many people complaining about every little thing. I just wanted to send along a big THANKS to all the Carnival folks for doing all they can to give cruisers a truly fun time. My motto is, “Don’t sweat the petty stuff, and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.” Keeps you happy!

Thanks to everyone again!

Becky Noll

John says:
Hello Becky Knoll,

Thank you for the great review and I am so glad that your husband tried a Guy’s burger twice before he realised it may have too much butter in it for his tastes, I love the way you told that story. I will be passing your words onto the ship and they will be thrilled, of course, and I hope we will see you both soon. Finally, your words at the end of your post are so important and I thank you for this positive outlook on life.

Best wishes.

John

David G asked:
John,

My wife and I were on a cruise on the Carnival Liberty over the holiday season and found that there was a lack of respect from the crew to those non Christian passengers. We could handle the decorations but the religious singing in the main lobby by the staff and the bible readings at the show were obnoxious and showed total disrespect to those of other religions or who may not have any religious affiliation at all. Had we known this we would not have cruised. I would suggest that you advertise the fact that it is a cruise where Christmas will be “in your face” so that others are not upset as much as we were.

John says:
Hello David G,

While I do understand your concerns, our ships are not unlike other places such as shopping malls with decorations and such and we do try our best to celebrate Hannukah on board as well. I was surprised by your “bible reading” reference as I am not aware of any shows in which we do this. I do hope that you had fun and enjoyed the service of our friendly crew.

Best wishes to you both.

John

Tina Salvatore asked:

I too have just found your blog and wanted to say that I was an avid fan of the Nation of Bugger Off but that was until I had my first cruise on the Carnival Conquest in Feb 2011. Yes, I was on the ship that was fogged in the first day and hit in the port by another ship and have its itinerary changed because of all the issues but it was still a most wonderful and fun time we’ve ever had cruising!!! I have become a loyal fan of Carnival and have even convinced my other family members who were sworn to the Nation line to try your ships. We will be a family of 11 now sailing on Carnival Dream on February 18 (school vacation again) and can’t wait to show them how much fun your line is and how wonderful your chocolate melting cake at dinner can be! We look forward to more and more trips with Carnival and are planning Europe as soon as our 13 year old is out of the house but for now, we’ll see you in the Caribbean every year! Thanks for such a wonderful vacation!

John says:
Hello Tina Salvatore,

I am smiling from ear to ear. Thanks for this great review and it’s a joy to know that the chocolate melting cake and the crew of the Carnival Conquest have made a Carnival fan out of you. This is truly brilliant news and I hope the cruise on the Carnival Dream was just as good. Please let me know if there is anything we can do to keep you as a Carnival fan and thanks again for this wonderful post.

Best wishes.

John

The Pratt Family asked:
John,

I hate to say this but as someone who has cruised Carnival four times since 2009 that the breakfast meals are now so boring and bland that on our last cruise we missed them because there was nothing to eat at all. We are from the south and could not believe our eyes when this past week on Carnival Fantasy we saw no grits, biscuits and gravy, buttermilk biscuits, etc I spoke to so many of my fellow passengers all of who said that breakfast was a letdown. We literally had nothing to eat until lunch was served so I think Carnival needs to realise that us Southeners need more choices and better choices at that.

John says:
Hello Pratt family,

Thank you for your advice and I shall be passing this to the chef. I understood we did serve grits on the ships but I may be wrong. I always thought that we had a good choice of breakfast items but it looks like we need to provide more on the ships that sail out of the south. Thanks again and I will make sure the right people see this.

Best wishes and hope you had a great cruise.

John

Janet Learn asked:
Hi John,

Just wanted to let you know we just got off the Carnival Triumph on Saturday and had a really great time. It was our first time on this ship and as usual she was all we expected and more. The staff went out of their way to take care of us and make sure we had a wonderful time. By the way, Felipe says “Hola” to his papa. You sure know how to pick them. He is a great cruise director, taking time out to speak to all and make sure their cruise is special. We also want to acknowledge our maitre d in the London dining room. “007″ is the best maitre d we have ever had. He always stopped at every table with a kind word. He is the only one we have ever seen help the staff set up tables when things got hectic and he always joined the fun in the entertainment portion. Ardani and Jose were our team head waiters and did an excellent job. Kudos to the seating staff also who always greeted us by name and gave us wonderful seats. “Classy Cassie” – one of the entertainment staff is also from England and is hoping she can be with you next year on the Carnival Breeze. She always said hello to me and we had a great time at the deck party and playing trivia. I came home with one medal and two gold ships on a stick! I don’t want to forget Phurita our room steward on Empress Deck. She was great. Our room was always cleaned in a timely manner and she was always available to meet our needs, even getting us an extra blanket on a cool night. We enjoyed the debut of the Burlesque show which was done in very good taste – a beautiful show! My husband was taken up on stage by one of the girls, his eyes wide and with a big smile on his face — he’s 67, by the way. He gladly went to the guillotine and got his head cut off by Kevin the Magician. What fun!!

The embarkation at Galveston is greatly improved since the arrival of the Carnival Magic. The lines are much shorter, faster, and the layout much roomier. I can’t comment too much on the debarkation since we are VIP Platinum and we were off the ship and in the parking lot by 8:04 am – record time! The only shortfall of the whole cruise had nothing to do with Carnival or her fine staff. I was very disappointed in some of my fellow passengers. What has happened to decorum like say “please” and “thank you” instead of demanding? I saw pushing, shoving, yelling at staff and other guests. Also guzzling as many free drinks as possible at the “return guest” and farewell parties until one fellow had to go to the men’s room to vomit so he could come back and drink more. There’s always a few bad eggs in the basket and I want to commend the staff for having the grace to put up with some of the shenanigans that go on. With that said, we are definitely looking forward to being on the Carnival Spirit this coming May to Alaska and then the Carnival Magic in 2013. Have a great day John and a Belated Happy Anniversary to you and Heidi and of course Kye. Please forward these remarks to whoever needs to know.

Thank you.

Henry and Janet Learn

John says:
Hello Henry and Janet Learn,

Thanks so much for this magnificent review and apart from the behavior of some of the guests it seems you had the most wonderful time. Seeing how the crew made such a difference to your vacation is so brilliant to see and they will love seeing their names here. I hope your husband’s head is OK after Kevin’s magic feats and it sounds like you had loads of fun. Thanks for the kind words for my family and we wish you both all the best and hope that we get to sail together very soon. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Best wishes.

John

That’s all for today…. But it’s not

Now I must be mad. I must be as bonkers as a bag full of rabid hamsters because I am going to talk about dress code again. Hold on, before some of you head for www.ihatefatcruisedirectors.com please bear with me because it involves a question from a blogger, a brief answer from me and a longer answer from someone on the frontline.

So, here we go with the question.

Carla Sanchez asked:

On elegant night during our Thanksgiving cruise I watched a man walk straight past the dining room manager in a pair of old jeans and a T-shirt that looked like it had never been washed. This repulsed me and why I ask do you bother having a dress code if nobody is prepared to refuse entrance to them. This NEVER happens on Royal and never happens on Celebrity so why does it at Carnival?

John says:
Hello Carla,

I just wanted to take the time to write and say thanks for your post. I will be answering this question shortly and before I do go into this further, I just wanted to say that I hope you had a great cruise despite your misgivings.

Best wishes.

John

So, the dress code thing ……again. And I will say now that I will not be dumping a huge dollop of my opinion on you today as we all know what my opinion is……it’s all about choices. So what’s it like to be at the sharp end of the dress code scenario?

To find out I asked our senior maitre d, the man with the Sinatraesque voice and the man who didn’t just touch the Blarney Stone, he ate it and washed it down with a pint of Guinness……we are talking, of course, about Mr. Ken Byrne.

Hello John and Bloggers,

Since the introduction of the relaxed dress code, while some of our guests do not read this, the vast majority follows and respects the policy for elegant evenings and other more casual evenings. We always have a maitre d and/or hostess at the doors welcoming guests. We always approach those guests who are not dressed correctly in the most gracious way and explain the dress code for that evening. We inform them that this evening is Elegant Night, and that they need to be wearing long pants/shirt/jacket and shoes. We ask them to change and that they are welcome to return to the dining room and continue to enjoy their evening.

As you can imagine there are some guests who are not happy at what they have just been told and will scream and shout and swear saying, “It’s my vacation and I paid for the cruise” and “What are you going to do to stop me?” There are times when you may miss a guest enter the D/R because you are busy talking or helping someone else which makes it more difficult to ask them to leave and change clothing once they are seated at the table.

It is also important to remember in some cases guests may have lost their luggage and, of course, we make exceptions here. However, by not enforcing the dress code, dress shorts become beach shorts, collared sports shirts become beach shirts, and sandals become flip flops topped with a baseball cap!

So there you go John, we do enforce it, and I totally agree that people should respect the dress code and comply with our policy, without the maitre d’s having to tell guest they must dress up.

Regards,

Ken

So there you go. It must be very difficult for Ken and his colleagues to catch everyone and to confront them. One would hope that the guests see the rules and comply with them but obviously while the vast majority do, some do not and again, it’s their vacation so you can understand why some don’t want to be told what to wear. This subject will continue to be open for debate and meanwhile let me thank Ken and his colleagues across the fleet who all do a brilliant job and who many of you have written and told me how the maitre d has made a difference to your cruise.

It’ s a busy time here and along with running the ship and hosting shows, blogging and Facebooking, I am also putting the last few things together for the bloggers cruise. One of the things I was so looking forward to was having the girls here with me but unfortunately that won’t be happening.

Here is Heidi to tell you why:

Hello everyone,

I wanted to take a moment of your time to say a quick hello from Kye and I. First of all, thank you for all the nice comments on Facebook after John said we could not join you all for BC5.

Luckily, Kye doesn’t understand yet that we were supposed to see you all on the ship and that it’s not happening now. Unfortunately, I DID know I was going to have someone cook for me and tidy up after me and oh, of course seeing my husband (did you notice the order of importance) …….

It’s just not to be. Eleven hours on a plane, my doctor said, is not what you need right now young lady. So, Kye and I will stay put. I am working to get back in shape and hopefully we’ll meet lots of you on the Carnival Breeze this summer.

Kye is doing really well. She is a little chatterbox and loves doing “a show.” Instead of “Ladies and Gentlemen,” she says “Lady and Gogomo.” She has her own microphone and sings and dances to her heart’s content. Wonder where she got it from????? She is always happy and very social and caring, other qualities she’s got from her Dada.

Right now, Peppa Pig and Curious George are the most important people in her life, apart from John and I, which is so cute. She loves helping me cook and we make cupcakes just about every week just so she can decorate them.

As she is getting a little older now, realization has set in that John is not here with us all the time which sometime causes some sad scenarios but then again, when her Dada is home, he spends more time with her than most Dads do and she makes up for it. Not long and John will be home again but before that he is going to spend some time with everyone joining the Bloggers Cruise and I wish you all great weather, smooth sailing and lots and lots of fun. Please don’t wear him out too much!!!

Until next time,

Kye and Heidi xx

It was when Kye was a year old or so that I posted a photo here that someone lifted and used to enter Kye in a baby model contest online. We found this out some months later and obviously since then we have been cautious to put photos on the blog of our little one. But I want to show you what I helped make one night on the Carnival Splendor.

And if I do say so myself, that’s not bad for three minutes’ work.

Goodnight.

Your friend,

John

I know John is always having a pop at me here on the blog and I thought I would surprise him especially as we have a new blog format today. He knows nothing about this and thanks to Eric the Beard who replaced what John had written at the start of today’s blog with this, the first time he sees it will be later tonight. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I mentioned I was John’s donkey and I will explain why. Yesterday John took a reluctant day off from Facebook and the blog. I say reluctant because I had to threaten him with violence involving my foot and his bottom if I saw him turn on the laptop. Since he started Facebooking he spends an extra 3 – 4 hours a day and another 2 at night making sure he has answered questions. But we needed a day as a family and that’s why I insisted that we take Sunday to spend some time together. It was a lovely day and so we went for a walk on the beach which sounds nice and Kye really had fun collecting shells. It was a bright crisp day and all should have been good except that I was the donkey. While Kye and Dada skipped along the sand Mummy was carrying 300 wet wipes, a bag of dippers, toys, Kye’s food, spare shoes and an extra coat in case she got cold, Dada’s wallet, car keys, his cigar case and lighter and cutter, an oversized Barney, Barney colouring book and 24 crayons. Walking down the beach at Southend I must have looked like a female Quasimodo.

Thank you again for your kindness during the bloggers cruise and to everyone who is always writing kind words here on the blog thingy.

Heidi
x

Time for today’s Q and A………….off we go.

Roland B Asked:
Response suggested!

I am very disturbed that Carnival will no longer have exclusive cocktail parties for their past guests. I feel that Carnival is not being loyal to me and the fact that I am a past guest does not matter anymore. I always loved my special recognition as a past guest at the party and will greatly miss it.

No more complimentary past guest pins. The Past Guest Rate is much higher than the Early Saver rate and no more past guest parties that this is a sign that past guest perks are gradually being eroded and our loyalty isn’t truly appreciated anymore. Will my shareholder on board credit be the next victim?

Is this a politically correct move so as to now “hurt anyone’s feelings” because they are excluded from a past guest function because are not a past guest?

In this economy, special recognition for being a past guest and especially a VIP is necessary. Other cruise lines have special parties for their VIPs only; will Carnival not consider doing this instead of a special party for all past guests. I have done 11 cruises with Carnival, more than most I would guess and am a VIP and deserve to be treated like one and not like all the other passengers. This is a huge mistake on Carnival’s part and I am disgusted by it.

John Says:
Hello Roland B,

Where oh where are you getting your information from? Whoever is giving it to you is talking absolute bollocks. We have not and do not intend to stop the past guest party. There are no intentions to change this. The pins are still available to all our Platinum guests which you are one of and we thank you for your loyalty. Our past guests have never been so important to us and we will continue to make sure that valued clients like you continue to feel special. So, keep smiling and know that everyone at Carnival, myself included, will continue to provide you with the best vacation in the world.

Best wishes,

John

Melissa Asked:
Dear John- PLEASE REPLY:

We Hope this letter finds you in good health and wonderful spirits, as I am sure you are missing Heidi and Kye. I am sure you are thinking that this letter is just like one of about a million you receive from people asking for a favor. However it is completely the opposite.

My husband and I are booked on the Magic Transatlantic (WOO-HOO !!!- We are so EXCITED!!!!!! not only for the first time experience on a new ship and a transatlantic journey at that, but for the fact that you will be the CD on board) We had the pleasure of you being the CD while we were on the Conquest in April, and loved every minute of it. You had us laughing so much and so hard, I think we just about peed our pants. Anyways, back to the reason why I am emailing you, my darling husband bought one of those electronic book reader thingy’s under the agreement that he would get rid of ALL of his books. You see, he has ummm…….well let’s just say ALOT of books. We would really like to donate them to the Magic, but we are not sure how to get them onboard. If we bring them with us to Barcelona, that could be a little pricey (with the way airlines are charging for checked bags) and then I thought that we could just have whoever came to pick us up in Galveston after the cruise to bring them, but when we were on the Ecstasy in September we asked one of the crew members in the library, and he said we could not do that. So we are coming to you with suggestions. We also have games and puzzles we would like to donate as well. Hopefully when we are on the Magic we will get a chance to meet You, Heidi and Kye in person. They will be on this voyage, won’t they?

Thanks for everything you do !

Melissa

John Says:
Hello Melissa,

Thank you so very much for those kind words and I am thrilled to read that you will be joining me on the trans-Atlantic cruise on your Carnival Magic. I see that your husband has become a Kindle fan and I still can’t get into the whole electronic book idea. However, what really stood out from your posting is that he wants to donate his books to the ship. Wow…………that is truly fantastic. I have send your posting to someone in the office on Miami and they will be in touch with you as I am sure we can arrange to bring them onboard without any problems whatsoever. Thanks so much for your kindness and I look forward to thanking you personally in a few months time and showing you your new home. Thanks again and see you soon.

Best wishes,

John

Geoff N Asked:
John – Please reply

I started reading your blog following on from the Splendor fire and while it was well written I have to point out one very important mistake you seem to be ignoring consistently. I realize that you are from the United Kingdom but from what I have seen, most of your subscribers are American. Therefore you should respect this and use the correct North American spelling. This applies to your addition of the letter “U” for words such as “color” and the replacement of the letter “Z” in words like “realise”.

These are but two examples but there are many more and your constant repetition is annoying not just to me but I am sure to many others as well.

Now I wish to move onto my recent cruise on the Conquest. The majority of the experience was fulfilling yet one aspect has me very concerned. The daily program which you called Fun Times was riddled with mistakes both in spelling, grammar and punctuation. Each day I would sit down and highlight these errors and yet when I asked for a meeting with the Captain to discuss these I was told my request for a meeting had been denied. I found this lack of customer service to be humiliating, especially after I had taken the time out of my own vacation to highlight these glaring errors. I am requesting your immediate response to this and in your much heralded position as brand ambassador for Carnival Cruise Lines it will be interesting to see how you respond.

John Says:
Hello Geoff N,

Let me start first of all by saying how I hope that you had a brilliant time on the Carnival Conquest and that you found the time to relax and have fun. I am very sorry to learn that the Fun times had so many mistakes in it. I was also shocked by this as they are checked by two or three people before going to print. Now I should also say that one of those two or three people is not the captain and while he has overall command of the ship, he is not responsible for the production or the content of the Fun Times. Thank you for taking the time to check them and I am sure that the mistakes that you found have been corrected. In fact, a few days ago, here on the blog thingy, I posted the Carnival Conquest Fun Times. Maybe therefore you can have a look and see if those changes have in fact been implemented. Thanks again Geoff and I am so glad you enjoyed my blogs about the Carnival Splendor incident and that they had the right mix of information, fact…………….and humour (spelt correctly.)

Best wishes,

John

ZackAttack Asked:
Dear John, Please Reply

It’s Zack again, the teen cruiser who posted awhile back requesting more adventurous things that the Royal jerks have even though they lack the service and fun that Carnival revolves its Fun Ships around.. I remember your reply saying something about something coming on the Carnival Magic that will more than suffice this craving, and you’ve hit the jackpot with the Sports Square. Carnival never disappoints and the Carnival Magic is going to be one heck of a ship! Now if only I can convince my parents to book a cruise on it.

One suggestion for the ropes course… I am almost positive some form of release will be necessary for the ropes course that will require a signature here, there, and everywhere from the parents that, although they are on the ship, are “nowhere to be found.” Instead of going through all this trouble of signing in the middle of the cruise, possible in a windy situation outside where attendants could be doing better things than giving out release forms, include a release form(s) in the cabin on the first day of the cruise so it can be taken care of instantly and away from the wind. Or, if an employee is required to witness the signatures here there and everywhere, have the service managers working shoreside issuing Sail & Sign cards and checking guest in to offer the release forms. This would save time, paper, and annoyances onboard. That was a bit long winded (sorry) but I’ve experienced the same problems aboard the Snot of the Seas and… well… it wasn’t fun to say the least.

Anyways, love the blog as always and keep em’ coming! Also, you probably don’t remember because you are very busy and I completely understand, but if you could someday find that chance to interview an I/S Manager onboard, that would be simply fantastic because it’s my dream job… computer’s + cruise ship = Dream Job Keep the other interviews coming (ACDs) as they are great too, anything ship life amuses me!

Thanks for all you do… I’ll be on a cruise with you someday, parent’s cruise choice permitting…

Zack

John Says:
Hello ZackAttack,

It is great to hear from you again mate and I hope that by now you have indeed convinced your parents to book a cruise. There is no doubt that RCI have some fantastic things on their ships for the thrill seekers out there and now we have something to rival there hardware with your Carnival Magic’s ropes course. The staff will be trained on this as obviously safety is the priority and I am sure therefore we will be have many hours of training conducted by men with beards wearing high visibility jackets. I am going to be publishing all the details about this once I get to the shipyard in a few weeks time and I will certainly bring up your idea on the waiver form being placed in the cabin as it is an excellent one mate. I hope by now that you saw the interview with the head of the shipboard IT program John Harshaw which I posted at your request and which I hope you found fascinating. I truly hope we see you soon and that you get to experience the rope swing course for yourself.

Best wishes to you and the family.

John

USAFWANDM Asked:
JOHN – PLEASE REPLY

Well my Mother and I just returned from our cruise on the Fantasy and I have to say that what you did for my Mother was so special. You may remember that I had written to you on Facebook saying that this year had been tough for her with my Father being diagnosed with Alzimers and my DH being posted on his second tour of Afghanistan with the USAF. I asked if you could arrange a table for two so we could talk as I live in Washington and my Mother lives in California so we don’t get time to really talk. Well not only did you arrange this table but your thoughtful note telling Mother that you were thinking of her and the chocolate strawberries you sent along with it brought tears to her eyes and mine. You really did something very special there John and I will never forget it. Can I though ask for one more favor from you and that is to tell whoever is in charge of the room stewards that Lamai who looked after us in cabin U 102 was fantastic.

Thank you again John. You are a very special person to so many and that includes me and my Mother.

John Says:
Hello USAFWANDM,

Thank you for those beautiful words and I will make sure your stateroom steward Lamai and her supervisors, the hotel director and housekeeping manager, gets to see your words of praise. I am glad you both had time to talk and please know that your family remains in my thoughts.

Best wishes and thanks again for taking the time to write.

John

SallyOwl Asked:
John please reply

Hi John,

We haven’t read your blog for a couple of days because we’ve been so involved with the news of Queensland’s terrible floods – we’re OK, but more than 20,000 homes have been under water this week, and the town where John’s parents lived (until they were too old) has literally been swept away. You can imagine how much we needed some good news – and this is WONDERFUL news!!

Is there some way that, as past passengers (and Carnival Spirit lovers!) we can be notified when bookings open? We want to be on the first Carnival cruise from Sydney!!

Good on you, mate – this is beaut news!

John Says:
Hello SallyOwl,

As I write this blog I am watching the continuing news of the terrible tragedy in Japan and it is easy to forget that just a few weeks ago the city of Christchurch New Zealand was also devastated by an earthquake. I am so glad that your family are OK and please send them all our best wishes. It sounds like you are excited for the Carnival Spirit to join you down there and hopefully very soon we will be releasing the details you need to book your Carnival fun for all cruise……..which judging by what you have just been through………is a cruise you truly deserve.

I am so glad to know you are all OK and please stay in touch here on the blog thingy and on Facebook.

Best wishes to all,

John

Fun Dad Asked:
Hi John. PLEASE REPLY SOON.

My wife and I have enjoyed several Carnival cruises, the last one was on the Glory. On every cruise we received the best of care from the whole Carnival team. I say team because not only did we receive the best service ever, it was obvious that the Carnival crew supported each other and worked well together. The Carnival crew puts in long hours and long contracts. Because of there long tours at sea, they miss out on a lot of special family occasions, like holidays, birthdays, weddings and funerals.

My son the Fun Dude, who you met on the dream and is still on the Dream, is one of those hard workers that misses out on these special occasions. So my brother and I are going to celebrate my 70th and his 63rd birthday on the Dream April 9th cruise. My birthday is Sunday April 10th and my brother Kelly, is Friday April 15th. It would be great if you could arrange so Jeff the Fun Dude could have dinner with us on those two occasions. We have early dinning and his shows I believe don’t start until 8:45 PM.

I am booked in state room 6463 and my brother is booked in stateroom 6443. We would be great if you could send my brother Kelly Shaw a birthday surprise on Friday April 15th.

Carnivals comedy club has gotten a lot of great reviews and that makes me very proud that my son was part of that success. If you ever plan to feature him and the comedy club, please let me know so I won’t miss it.

I enjoy your blog and I hope you don’t change a blumin thing.
I hope some day we can meet and I will light your cigar and buy you a beer.

Thank you

Tom Shaw (Fun Dad)
P.K.

John Says:
Hello Fun Dad,

I am a big fan of your son and he does such a wonderful job with the comedy club which as you know is now called Punchliner. I have written to the CD on the ship and asked Butch to give his permission to have Jeff be off duty so you can celebrate your birthday with a great dinner and lots of family time. I am positive this will be OK. I wish you a wonderful cruise and please give my best to the Fun Dude.

Best wishes,

John

Peggy Defoe Asked:
John~ (Please read and reply)

My husband is an alcoholic and it’s best for him and I and those around him to stay away from it. Last year our first cruise was on Celebrity and it was rough, they really didn’t have enough activities to keep us busy and don’t get me started on the lack of evening food choices. I know Carnival will have a much better entertainment list and the 24 hour places to eat will help. I would love to get him the soda card (juices and ice tea get old after a few days) but it is my understanding that you have to go to the bar for it. I have read on Cruise Critic that the bar servers don’t like serving people for sodas as they don’t make as much money. This has me worried because then my husband may then go to bar to get served and then end up drinking. Is this true?

Thanks John,

Peggy

John Says:
Hello Peggy Defoe,

Thanks so much for writing. We have some truly excellent bar waiters who are committed to providing the same prompt, friendly service whether you’re ordering a glass of Diet Coke or a glass of scotch. Please don’t worry then and if you need anything else or wish me to do anything for you please let me know.

Best wishes to you both

John

Duck Duck Girl Asked:
REPLY PLEASE !!

The subject I am referring to is the case of the missed port on the Carnival Glory. If you are not aware of this let me fill you in. The ship was heading for Nassau when a someone was taken seriously ill and the ship had to turn around, rendezvous with United States Coast Guard who collected the patient. The ship was unable to make port the following day due to this and, passengers were given just $25 shipboard credit. Later that day we were told that the patient was CREWMEMBER a fact that had been hidden by the captain during his announcements. To receive just $25 for a missed port and the one that my boyfriend and I had been excited about the most is not acceptable. Why couldn’t we have taken him off by helicopter? My sister says that usually they take them off by helicopter which if had happened here would have allowed us to go to Nassau. I have written to Carnival but have not heard any reply. We are going to post our complaints online so millions will see that customer service at Carnival sucks. What are you going to do to make your customer happy?

John Says:
Hello Duck Duck Girl,

I am sorry but you might not like this reply but I am speaking from the heart. So while I can understand that you were disappointed about missing Nassau I cannot believe that you would put a price on a person’s life. So I ask you, how much money is a human life worth ……. $50? …… $100….$1,000……….a free cruise?…….How much would make you happy?………and to suggest that because it was a crewmember whose life was saved the refund should be higher than if it were a passenger makes me feel physically sick.

Having helped organize many of these rescue operations myself I can tell you that the captain does not decide…..you go where the US Coast Guard tells you to go. The captain then navigates to the designated rendezvous to meet the helicopter or ship provided by the brilliant men and women of the U.S. Coast Guard. I know it’s upsetting to miss a port of call however I simply ask this question. If it was a member of your family whose life was being saved by the ship’s medical staff, the Captain and crew and Coast Guard……..How would you feel?…….. thankful and grateful that they had saved your life I am sure.

I hope you enjoyed your cruise and I know I often try and help resolve guest complaints here on the blog. What I am I going to do with this comment……………absolutely bugger all.

John

Calgary Cruiser Asked:
Hello John, Please reply

John I just wanted to Thank You and all the others for the tireless work you put into this blog thingy. I do have a question for you. We are on the June 24, Grand Med sailing on the Carnival Magic. I know that when we land in Rome we will get our passports stamped. How would I go about getting it stamped in all the country’s we visit? (Yes even France.) Also do you know if they will stamp it in Monaco and at the Vatican since they are technically individual countries? Thank you for all you do not only for me but for everyone.

John Says:
Hello Calgary Cruiser,

Thanks for the kind words about the blog. I am glad that most people enjoy it. I know it maybe not everyone’s cup of tea but I do my best to make sure that it has a constant mix of fun and information.

While we will not be taking your passports onboard or require you to go through customs and immigration it is still possible to get your passport stamped in many of the ports of call. The places you will visit with the exception of Dubrovnik, Croatia, are all part of the European Union and thus have open borders. However, if you take your passport to the local post offices in Naples, Venice, Cannes and Florence or Livorno they will stamp them for you. I have not heard of anyone being able to do this though in the Vatican. I don’t think that is possible as they don’t have an official crossing area just a ring of different coloured pavement marking the boundaries.

You will need to take your passport ashore in Croatia as everyone needs to have their proof of citizenship with them when they proceed ashore and if you ask the inspectors they will stamp the passport for you.

I hope this helps and if you have any questions about these ports and what to do there please let me know. See you soon and thanks again for those kind words.

Best wishes

John

That’s all for today. I will return with more tomorrow.

This week the annual Cruise Shipping Miami Convention, the year’s largest cruise event got underway in Miami. This yearly event is where everyone who wants to attract business from the cruise lines pitches their wares and hopes someone will take them onboard. This ranges from people representing ports of call from all over the world to tour operators, food vendors and people who want to offer their services.

The day starts when all the presidents and top executives sit at a table and pretend to like each other in the same sort of way you pretend to like your wife’s ex-boyfriend. You shake his hand and smile while secretly thinking what a bastard he is. My suggestion that the State of the Union cruise ship forum all the cruise line presidents give be replaced with presidential cage fighting was ignored. Probably because Mr. Fain was scared that Gerry Cahill would open a huge can of whoop arse!

Anyway, I will let you know what’s happening at the convention here and on Facebook.

So, how do you like the new blog? I love it and I think you might need a tour so let me turn things over to the designer of this new page. However, before I do, here is a quick message from me about the new blog.

Here then is Eric the Beard to take you around and explain some of the new features.

Hello Bloggy People! Hope you all had a brilliant weekend!

As you can see, today is the day we’ve all been waiting for, John’s new blog thingy design is finally alive! This morning, I put on my special tux and my limited-edition John Heald head cuff-links, and was about to shave for the occasion until I tweeted what I was about to do and Bearded Everett @-replied some sense into me, reminded me that the bearded look is in this season, and suggested I calm my nerves with a tofu shake using the “good stuff” from our secret stash. I’m not sure what had gotten into me.

Anyway, I digress…

By now I’m sure most of you have taken a look around the new blog thingy and done some exploration on your own. However, there are so many new and exciting features that we’ve added with this redesign, that it might be a little overwhelming at first, and could cause some lightheadedness if you try take it all in at once (similar to the way you might feel if you walked into John’s stateroom with a pair of his underpants enclosed inside for a couple of hours.) It might even make you hallucinate and feel like you can read John’s thoughts!

With that said, I wanted to give you a quick breakdown of some of the new features you can now find on John’s blog, to make it all a bit easier.

Are you ready?! You sure? Strap on a high visibility jacket and let’s go!

Let’s start with the pages up at the top. Some new things we’ve added are:

1. Sail With John – Here you will not only find out what ship John is on right now and in the future, you will also see the most up-to-date Cruise Director and Assistant Cruise Director schedules across the entire fleet.
2. John Talk – Ever read something John has written and you have absolutely NO IDEA what on earth he is talking about? Well, you’re not alone. So have us beards, and I can tell you it’s more frustrating than trying to track down Megan Fox’s new unlisted number, on a daily basis, for John Heald’s little black book. That being said, this is where John Talk was born; a glossary of John-isms that will hopefully help both you and all of us beards FINALLY understand what John is actually sodding talking about
3. FAQs – As many of you know, John receives hundreds of questions every day on this here blog thingy. What you might not know is that over half of them John has already answered, between 5–10 times, on his blog while sitting in his underpants of course. So, in an attempt to make things easier on John, his underpants, and everyone, we now have a section where all of those questions are now answered and easily accessible. There are currently only a few posted, but we are looking for many more! Read below to see how you can help!
4. Ask John – This is a brand new feature and a BIG change for everyone, including you, John and us beards. We feel it’s truly the best way to move forward, and will keep all of your questions organized and help John answer them more quickly and efficiently. To find out how this works, check out the Ask John page here: link

Now let’s move onto the sidebar, which is on the right-hand side of the blog.

1. Subscribe to John posts via email – This is now easier than ever. Just fill out the form on the right and you will start getting John’s blog sent to your inbox after each new post goes up.
2. Media Center – Catch John’s latest video, and his most recent pictures, all in one spot.
3. Facebook – You can now “Like” — that’s not a euphemism! it’s cleaner than it sounds! — John’s Facebook page and follow along with his daily musings without ever leaving this here blog thingy. Ahh technology, gotta love it!
4. Mate of the Week – There sure is a lot of John around here these days, isn’t there? Well, one of the main features John wanted in this new design was a place he could show off all of YOU… thus Mate of the Week was born. So, if you have a photo of you and John that you LOVE and would like to maybe be the next Mate of the Week, please send it to socialnetworking@carnival.com with the subject line “Mate of the Week,” for consideration… and check back every Monday to see if it’s your week.

Last but not least, let’s move onto the footer of the blog at the very bottom.

1. Connect with the Beards – This is a place where you can connect with all of us all over the Internet thingy including Facebook, Twitter, and more. You’ll also notice our new bearded tofu mascot, who according to rumour (spelt correctly) was modeled after some glamour shots I had taken of me on the Carnival Triumph.
2. John’s Help Desk – This section was created for YOU. It has links to some of the most-asked-about content, including Fun Times, CD schedules, Steakhouse reservation links and more! It will be continuously updated, and if you have any other suggestions for what you would like there, please let us know.

There you have it: a mini breakdown of some of the newest features of John’s blog! Before I go, I just want to send a HUGE bearded shout-out and thank you to Bearded Everett, who was a HUGE part of the redesign and overall functionality decisions. I can’t forget the rest of the beards, either, who helped in more ways than you will ever know. Thank you guys!

We are all super-excited about the new design, and I truly hope you all love it as much as we do! If you have any suggestions, feedback, or random thoughts about anything you see here, please let us know. Many of these changes were made with you in mind and were based on the feedback we’ve been receiving for the last couple of years. However, we’re not done making John’s blog rock, and we’re looking to you to help us make this blog rock even harder.

Thanks again, now go explore!

Eric the Beard.

I want to thank Eric so very much for this brilliant new design and I hope you tell us what you think as well. Now one of the pages above is incomplete and that’s the FAQ’s…………or the “Oh bloody hell, not that question again, I just answered it yesterday you idiot “……..bit.

So this is where I need your help. Rather than me sit here…….in my underpants…………typing up the FAQ’s I wondered if I could ask for your help. Is there a question that you are sick and tired of seeing again and again? If so, please can your post the question and the answer on today’s blog. Yes, I am a lazy sod but I am also taping into the vast array of knowledge that you all have so…………off you go…………..and thanks so much. I truly do hope you like the new blog thingy.

I have been second guessing myself these last few minutes and I have found my finger has been hovering over the delete button as I try to decide whether or not to delete my reply to Duck Duck girl. I have though decided to leave it there as I was speaking from the heart. So maybe I should say sorry then.

It wouldn’t be the first time I have had to say sorry today. I also had to say sorry this morning for not replacing the toilet paper roll. Women have the gene that allows them to do this and men do not. I will use the very last piece of paper on the roll and look down at the bare cardboard cylinder and simply hope it gets replaced soon…..sort of like a dog looking at his empty bowl. This does not just apply to toilet paper roll but all the goods in the house. I guess this comes from living at home where Mum took care of everything to working on a ship for 21 years where various stateroom stewards all called Ketut took care of my every need…….including replacing the toilet roll. But then I realised something that means I am not going to delete my reply or say sorry. I maybe would have if the writer had used their real name………..or even half a real name ……………but to have to reply to someone called Duck Duck………..is ridiculous. I should have finished my reply with:

Best Wishes,
Johnny Wonny

Talking of complaints I have to mention my conversation with Ken Byrne, Carnival’s premier maitre d. He is just off the Carnival Conquest and will be joining me on your Carnival Magic in April. We have been friends for many years and I like to think we are very, very similar. We are both are very close to our families and have an unrivalled passion when it comes to Carnival Cruise Lines. We both always try to put the guests first and always do everything we can to make sure the guest has what they desire………sometimes though that is not possible and what they ask for is something that cannot be done.

Ken was telling me about some guests he had on the Carnival Legend this past year. The guest wanted a table for 14……..Ken explained that the largest table we have in the dining room was 12 …that’s the captain’s table and even offered him that with a smaller table close by. Now, not only was the guest not happy with this but he swore, screamed and threatened Ken with violence. This man got so upset that he was shaking his fist inches from Ken’s face. Now Ken, being Ken, managed to calm the situation down because he is the best at what he does. However, there are many who would not have been able to handle that situation and, of course…..… should never have to.

Ken laughed this off because he is a true professional but as Ducky Duck……oops……..I accidentally nearly replaced the D with an F there………….has gotten me in a bit of a mood……….I want to say that this behaviour would never have been allowed on a plane. Can you imagine shouting at a flight attendant asking why they don’t supply parachutes or why we have to pay a billion dollars for a Diet Coke? If we did what that guy did to Ken we risk being accused of air rage and thrown off the plane. It’s the same story at the hotel check in desk. Or at a car hire desk. Or in a restaurant. It’s the same story everywhere. React, and you will be thrown out, kicked off or a burly security guard has arrived and you’re lying on the sidewalk with a broken spleen. But not a cruise ship. And this drives me crazy. Yes, there is a certain standards of service that we all must adhere to and sometimes guests have a reason to get angry. However, threaten a crew member…. any crew member……..with violence……………then that guest must in my opinion be disembarked in the next port…………preferably naked with a Fun Ship Freddy doll protruding from their bottom.

So I hope you enjoy this brilliant new design that Eric has produced……..my favourite bit is the cartoon Tofu character ….complete with beard. See you here tomorrow and on Facebook throughout the week.

I can’t go today without talking about Japan and the pictures I have seen on the news. The devastation is of biblical proportions yet I was humbled by the sight of hundreds of people bedded down quietly, presumably following instructions.

I am thinking of the catastrophic damage of the earthquake and tsunami and how they all pull together. No stories of looting yet, complaints about lack of information or complaining at all for that matter, although they would be forgiven for doing so. My girls are safe, fed, warm and dry, and yet this morning I found myself complaining about the price of petrol (gas) here in the UK. Shame on me for doing so.

On all the footage I have seen on the news of wives search for missing husbands and the families sifting through broken homes, I never heard a single raised voice or expression of impatience. Fuel prices, missing a port call in Nassau…..suddenly those things are put totally into perspective and I could learn from the Japanese who are dealing with tragedy beyond my wildest nightmares ………in such an admirable manner.

Goodnight.

Your friend,

John

P.S You can find the Carnival Liberty Fun Times here.

Heidi here from a very grey U.K…..

First of all I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and yours a very happy, healthy and FUN 2011! All festivities have come and gone again and as much fun as it was….I don’t mind getting back to normality, well, as normal as it gets in the Heald household.

I am writing this with Kye on my lap as Dadda has a serious case of Man Flu / Real Flu….

It is hard for me to admit that this time John actually has a real cold and he looks and sounds very poorly. The “sniff” sounds normally start with Man Flu and if you ignore it long enough, it goes away automatically, funny that! The sniff sounds John started to make this week didn’t go away after I ignored it for 2 days, it got worse and then started to show a cold sore and that, my dear Bloggers, was the sign that John was either getting a real cold OR was run down from the trip to New York and the cold weather which gave him this rotten cold.

I really try and feel sorry for him but it’s hard to concentrate on him all day with a toddler running around the house wanting my attention as well. Trying to keep Kye away from John as I send him up to bed and get “rest”, which is a word I don’t think exists in Johns vocabulary. Rest for John is sitting in his Lazyboy with his legs up and still answer hundreds of e-mails, all work related. I have given up getting myself worked up over it as I now know it will never change and I would really love to meet the person who invented to sodding thing and tell him what I think of him, in DUTCH, as I swear better in Dutch and it will sound better, I am sure.

Anyway, I tucked my husband up in bed, telling Kye every 5 minutes “Dadda isn’t feeling very well, we need to leave him alone”. Good luck explaining that to a 1 year old……

So, John won’t be writing a blog today, I have taken away every single piece of equipment in our house with any kind of button on it so he only has the bedside light switch to play with

I am sure you understand and maybe I am doing you a favour so you can get on with things and get some stuff done at work or actually have a proper lunch as you don’t need to take out an hour or so now to read today’s blog………double (as John loves them oh so much).

Until next time ….

Heidi

To John his Blackberry or Raspberry as he calls it is the biggest thing since the invention of fire if he were to lose it he would think it was like losing his mouth or his ears.

I am sure most of you bloggers know what a BlackBerry is but if there are those like my Mum in Holland who think a BlackBerry is a fruit, let me explain. It’s a cell phone that can also receive and send e-mails. This means that no matter where John is on the planet someone can always get hold of him. I am not joking when I tell you that he used to take a newspaper to the toilet and now he takes his BlackBerry.

But this is not its biggest fault. Have you ever been out for a drink with someone who has one? Sure, they’re in constant contact with the office, which is great for them, but they’re not in contact with you. Every time I am in the middle of an important conversation with him his BlackBerry chirps and I can see he is not listening any more. I can see that John is willing me to hurry up and finish talking so they can whip it out and see if PA 007 has written or one of his Stephanies needs him.

Go out with someone who has a BlackBerry and you’ll not get a single word out of them. Because it will be chirping or whining or playing the theme music from The West Wing as John’s does.

Because he has a BlackBerry John may be physically out with friends but mentally he is at work. This means he can never have fun. He can never relax. I have there decided to use one of John’s favourite sayings and “insert it up his bottom.” The West Wing theme may be a little bit muffled.

So why am I writing to you. Well to make a long blog short John said blogging was as hard as looking after Kye. I told him it wasn’t so we had a bet. So I am sitting here with a cup of coffee writing to you while John is up to his neck in dirty diapers and will soon be spoon feeding her yogurt and bread before playing the “I will throw something on the floor and you pick it up game” over and over and over and over again.

This also gives me a chance to say hello to you and thank you for all your lovely thoughts you send to me and Kye.

I better hand over to John as I have just seen the way John has put her diaper on and it’s upside down and back to front. As John would say……….looking after a baby is easy — my arse.

Yep, John here and I have waved the white flag in surrender……just call me Jean Claude …. and I guess I had better take over the blogging and Heidi can put Kye’s diaper on which I must say….is as difficult as learning Mongolian. …………..so let’s crack on with some Q and A ……..off we go.

John R Asked:
Dear John, (Please reply)

I would like to start out by thanking you for your continued help as well as being a good and decent person. Am I buttering you up, probably! You also continue to entertain with your thingy – blog thingy – please continue!

I know that on some of the Conquest class ships the aft pools and spa tubs are designated as adult only. regardless of whether those ships have gotten Serenity (which does not have a swimming pool)

The adult only swimming pool is something that we always enjoy so much. It’s nice to be able to relax in the swimming pool. It would be nice to see consistency with this policy within the classes.

Since all the Conquest class ships do have 3 swimming pools, there should be no problem in designating the aft pools and spas adults only.

Perhaps you will be able to follow up with the beards.

Thanks again,
John R

John Says:
Hello John R

It is a very interesting subject this one because I know that many readers will agree with you here that the aft pools should be for adults only. The problem is that there are just as many that will disagree and those people will be the ones with children. Certainly it would be difficult to have these pools as adults only when there are high counts of children onboard as there are this summer. Still, I can also see that an adult only pool would be something that would offer a retreat for some. Obviously we have the Serenity decks which are certainly a step forward and is a very popular area on all our ships that have them.

Whenever a blogger posts something like this I will always make sure the right people get to read them and maybe we could suggest that these pools become adult only after or before a certain time so as to make both groups of people happy. What do you think about that idea?

This is one of those subjects where as always I encourage others to chime in please. Thanks for the kind words about the blog and hope to hear from you again soon.

Best wishes
John

Austin Carroll Asked:
John, PLEASE REPLY

We are platinum cruisers and was shocked to hear that our dining preference, EARLY, was wait listed. I thought platinum guests were guaranteed dining preference? None the less, we are going to try YTD so that we can be guaranteed to eat before 8PM (not fans of late dining).

My question is this:

One of the things that we like about set dining (table/time) is that we know our gratuities go directly to the wait staff. When eating at the YTD, how are the gratuities handled if we have different staff each night? It is my understanding that the gratuities go into a pool and then split among all of the servers. If that is the case, would our outstanding servers suffer from another server that might have less than at par service? Would it be inappropriate to tip cash each night?

Just a little nervous at change. We have sailed 12 times with early and 1 time with late dining. We still enjoy entertainment at dinner and hear that we may have none with YTD.

Another question, we are sailing on the Pride out of Baltimore on June 20, 2010. Do you know what time (on average) the ship arrives back in port for debarkation? We have read not to schedule flights until after 2pm. I’ve also read similar statements regarding Florida ports, but we (on average) arrive by 7am at those ports.

This is the 2nd cruise that we are little uneasy about due to the unfamiliarity, unfamiliarity, not being sure how things are going to go. (Obviously our first cruise was the first uneasy time, but everything went great).

THANKS!
Austin Carroll
Icard, NC

John Says:
Hello Austin Carroll

I am sure the wait list information you received was incorrect and my apologies for that. Change is never easy and I can totally understand how, after so many times at an assigned sitting that you are somewhat nervous about trying Your Time Dining.

However, I promise that you will not regret it and the flexibility of dining when you want will be something you will definitely appreciate and enjoy. The tipping is simple. The pre-paid gratuities you place onto your Sail & Sign card will be pooled between all the waiters on the team as you will probably have a different server each night. You are so kind to think of paying each one in cash but honestly that is not necessary as the entire team are looked after fairly and equally.

Carnival Pride is scheduled to arrive back into Baltimore at 9 am however I understand that the ship is usually able to start debarkation right at 9 am as often the captain will get the ship back into port by 8:30am. Once permission has been given by Customs and Border Protection, guests using the self assist system will be allowed ashore starting with Platinum guests with all their own bags.

If you can manage your own luggage then you will be the first ashore and if not I am told you should be able to debark around 10:30am. Certainly, the more time you can give yourself at the airport the better. But please do not be nervous. The Carnival Pride is a great ship and her team will make sure you have the very best of cruises.

Why not drop me a line when you get home and tell me all about your YTD experience.

Thanks so much for your loyalty and have a brilliant cruise

Best wishes
John

The Cruzin2some asked:
Dear John,

If your paint IT with glow stick green I will have to come up with a new name for you other than Johnny Sparkles. Let’s see. Johnny Glowworm. Yeah that will work. This may be a good idea for those nightly visits to the loo. You will not have to turn on the lights and it will provide a better water show than the Oasis of the seas.

John Please reply to this part,

We are thinking about a cruise that has the same itinerary that you are currently on and I was wondering about the Grand Turk Shore Excursions. What do you recommend?

Thanks for the help!

The Cruzin2some
James and Nancy Enslow

John Says:
Hello James and Nancy Cruizin2some

You won’t need much paint…….that’s all I had better say on that subject. As for Grand Turk, well I love that port. The shopping is right next to where we dock as is Margaritaville which is loads of fun. The excursions are superb and here are two of our most popular;

AQUA BOAT AND SNORKELING ADVENTURE

Take command as Captain or First Mate of a 2-person 12-foot min-boat for an incredible adrenaline rush! Your adventure begins at the cruise terminal where you’ll be greeted by the crew and taken to the launching area. Here, you’ll receive thorough instructions from your trained guides about the safety and operation of your aqua boat. Then, board your mini-boat and cruise along the turquoise waters on the west coast of Grand Turk. Travel along the famous 7,000-foot coral reef wall drop-off that attracts divers from all over the world. Your first stop will be a pristine snorkelling spot at Amphitheatre Reef. In approximately 10-15 feet of water, you will encounter an abundance of tropical fish and a variety of corals. After snorkelling, climb back into your aqua boat and head to Pillory Beach, a beautiful secluded beach with sparkling white sand. Enjoy a swim, snorkel, or just relax on the beach. From there, you will head back to the launching area, enjoying views of historic Cockburn Town and your cruise ship.

CAPTAIN EXPLORER OUT ISLAND AND SNORKEL EXPIDITION

Experience an exhilarating boat ride and world class snorkelling; then explore an uninhabited island, accessible only by boat – All in this action-packed expedition!

On this thrilling excursion you will:

• Begin your adventure with a fast-paced ride to Hidden Bay aboard a 38 foot boat.
• Listen to a safety briefing then don your snorkel gear and enter the turquoise water.
• Notice that Hidden Bay is surrounded by healthy coral reefs inhabited by an abundance of tropical fish.
• Explore the marine life then swim ashore for a hike.
• Explore the old ruins on the island and the natural pools carved into the rocks along the shoreline.
• Head off for another thrill ride as you cruise by Penniston Cay to view the rock formation of the island and the elusive nesting birds before heading up Grand Turk’s coast for views of the island.
• Enjoy refreshing beverages which will be served during your expedition

DISCOVER GRAND TURK AND BEACH DAY

Enjoy island sightseeing and then escape to Grand Turk’s famous Governor’s Beach for a relaxing day of sunbathing, swimming and snorkelling!

On this excursion you will:

• Listen as your guide provides cultural and historical commentary as you drive through the small island of Grand Turk.
• Ride past St. Thomas Parish Church and the salt pans, evidence of the island’s salt-raking past.
• Continue along the quaint Duke Street, lined with historic homes, and arrive at Front Street in the heart of the capital.
• Stroll along Front Street while your guide points out the Anglican Church, the Victoria Library, and other historical buildings.
• Reboard your bus for the ride to Governor’s Beach, a protected area within the Columbus Landfall National Park.
• Arrive and be greeted by the friendly staff who will provide your snorkel gear and instruction on its proper use.
• Enjoy snorkelling, swimming, or simply relax on your complimentary lounge chair.

So there you have 3 very diverse excursions and all of them have been top rated by guests who have been on them before you. If you have any questions please let me know

Best wishes to you both
John

Ade’ U. Asked:
Dearest Mr. Heald-Please reply =)

How are you doing today? Lovely, I hope. I have a bit of dilemma. I’m a VERY young 20 something who usually travels with my parents alone being an only child. I find the easiest way for me to meet people around my age is at dinner. In the past years I’ve had some AMAZING table mates and met some great friends that I still talk to years later, but on my past two cruises, it’s been a booth for the 3 of us. We would love to sit at a much larger table where I can meet more people. If you could do anything at all to help I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you in advance for anything you may be able to do. I also had a blast with you last year on the Carnival Freedom. Looking forward to sailing with you again soon!

John Says:
Hello Ade’U

Thanks for letting me know about your dining request and your description of being a “young 20 something.” To me, 20 is young regardless so enjoy every moment of 20s as they are some of the best years of your life. I have sent a note to the Maitre D on your Carnival Dream who I know will do his best to help you with your request. Have a brilliant cruise

Best wishes to all
John

Julie Anne Husbands Asked:
John or Stephanie (please reply),

I have twice posted a long cruise review asking for a reply, and both times it showed “awaiting moderation” for a week or so, then that disappears and I get no reply on the blog. One post was in December or January, the other in April, it was the same review of an October 2009 Freedom cruise.

Did I say something offensive? Is that why it disappeared? I certainly didn’t mean to, and if someone would tell me why it’s being deleted, I’ll try to fix it as I really wanted it to be posted.

Thanks.

John Says:
Hello Julie Anne Husbands

I clearly remember replying to you some weeks ago. Sometimes it shows awaiting moderation just because of the sheer number of comments that are waiting to be posted and put that with the 3 weeks I am behind, then sometimes the wait is longer than perhaps it should be. Did you get my reply? Please let me know and if not please accept my apologies if I haven’t replied and if that is the case please post again and I will reply immediately. I am sure that everything you wrote was not offensive……………..unless you called me French.

Best wishes
John

Mary Smith Asked:
ATTN Stephanie 1-343:

John Heald has requested that I write to you regarding his response to my above listed request. We will be sailing on the Liberty on 6/26/10. John asked that I please forward you my parent’s names and cabin number so that he can send them a letter of congratulations for their 50th wedding anniversary. Their names are John and Joanne Wilcox and they will be staying in cabin #7352. Should you require any additional information, please contact me at the email address that I have provided. Thank you in advance for your prompt response in this matter.

John Says:
Hello Mary Smith

Just to let you know I received your details and I will send your parents a little something on this their 50th wedding anniversary cruise. I am sure they will have the best of times.

Best wishes to you all
John

Jeanette Asked:
Please reply

John, a quick question and comment to pass along to the bearded folk at head office….Why not do a better job promoting Carnival and the other cruise lines in Canada. Surely they realize we have a very long and very cold winter, why not try to get more Canadians to cruise, especially in winter when we can be in lockdown in our own home cuz it is so damn cold out……

And for a spelling lesson–PVR is spelled PUERTO VALLARTA……….

I’m officially on the bloggers cruise, so WooHoo, now if you could get that HAL ship to change it schedule and move the Glory to HMC instead of Nassau everyone would be happy….

John Says:
Hello Jeanette

I am very excited that you have booked BC4 which I intend to make the best one yet. I want you to know that we are working very hard to please our Canadian guests who are very important to us and maybe you could be more specific by telling me exactly where you think we could do a better job. The problem with sailing from Canada is you are limited to where you can go. However, I love having Canadian guests onboard as they are so much fun so if you have any specific ideas please tell me so I can pass them along. Best wishes and thanks for showing me the correct spelling of Peurto Valaartta (spelt correctly.)

Best wishes and see you in February
John

Talktalk Bonnie Asked:

This will be my 4th cruise and my second with Carnival. I see that on Cruise Critic you are the person who books tables for dinner. I would need a table for 5 on the Valor as we are a very private family and don’t want to sit with other people who will not be the same as us. How do I do this and how much does it cost.

Bonnie

John Says:
Hello Bonnie

All I need you to do is send me another posting with your sailing date, and cabin number and last name please and I will then ask the maitre d to help with your request. Let’s see how much it will cost:

7 day cruise x $40 per day per person x 5 = $1,400.

Please make cheques payable to John S Heald or I give $50 discount for cash…….. kidding. There is no charge for this service. I am here to help.

Best wishes
John

Nancy Asked:
John, PLEASE REPLY.

John, for every person out there like Corvette Lady, there must be at least a hundred of us that really like you and think you are very funny and appreciate all that you do. And we just love your blog and all the comments you make. I don’t know about anyone else, but I look forward to hearing about Heidi and Kye. I think what makes your blog so enjoyable is that you don’t hold back and hide your emotions or feelings or thoughts, so we feel we can honestly get to know you as a friend. So, please don’t change a thing about the blog or about you. And don’t stress over those with other opinions. There’s plenty of us here who do think of you as a good person and a friend. I personally read your blog every day and look forward to the next day’s blog.

I wanted to ask if there was an update on a question that was asked on May 11 by “Emily” in regard to any type of non-alcoholic Sparkling Cider being added to Bon Voyage or if there is a place to buy some onboard. Hubby and I are sailing on Carnival Freedom in January 2011 for our anniversary and we prefer Sparkling Cider. Has there been any hint of something like that coming to Carnival yet?

Thanks, John. Have a pleasant day. And remember, less stress is best for us diabetics.
Nancy

John Says:
Hello Nancy

I just wanted to say a big thank you for taking the time to write those very kind words which mean so much. Writing my blog and giving my opinions leaves me open for attack which I have learnt for the most part to accept but words like yours make that much easier. I asked for the sparkling non-alcoholic wine to be put on Bon Voyage so let me follow up on this now and I will let you know. It is a great idea.

I hope your sugar levels are good and thanks again for everything.

Best wishes
John

And that’s all for today.

I often talk about the wonders of Cunard here and occasionally add a dollop of Holland America. One branch of the Carnival family tree that I hardly mention is Costa Cruises. And that’s a shame because they are very special indeed and their ships are just beautiful. I also think they have some of the best names in the industry as well. They have the Fortuna, the Luminosa, and the Romantica.

Everything about Costa oozes Italian class and Italian style, even the people who work in the office. While Carnival executives are happy to wear a pair of chinos and a polo shirt it is not unusual to see Costa executives dress fabulously. When I was invited to the naming ceremony of the Costa Luminosa and Cost Pacifica I saw someone very high Costa 40-something man wearing a bottle green, jacket with a black sweater, light shirt, yellow jeans, black shoes and – as a finishing touch – an ivory silk scarf. It sounds stomach churning…. but, as an ensemble, worked perfectly because he was Italian. If I had been dressed like that I would have looked like Elton John’s love child.

It is often forgotten that Carnival’s interior designer Joe Farcus also does wonderful work for Costa Cruises and as you will see now from this video, his contemporary Italian designs have made the Costa Deliziosa a stunningly beautiful ship. The film is shot on a steady cam so it actually feels like you are touring the ship. Highlights you must see are the chocolate bar, the Formula 1 race car simulator, 4D cinema, food selection and of course that sumptuous and luxurious Joe Farcus-designed interior. So, join me for a slice of Dolce Vita as we visit the Costa Deliziosa.

I love that video and it’s also the little details like the sound of the ocean that’s included when you see shots of the ship at sea. You know, soccer, opera, Ferrari, engineering, Catholicism, gelato ice cream and rumpy pumpy are some of the favourite things to your everyday Italian and Costa sits very easily on that list.

Let’s move from Italy to Tampa, Florida and visit today’s ship………the Carnival Legend. Let’s see where she sails to.

TAMPA, FL 4:00pm

FUN DAY AT SEA

GRAND CAYMAN – 7:00am 4:00pm

COZUMEL, MEXICO

ISLA ROATAN -11:00pm – 6:00pm

BELIZE -  8:00am 5:00pm

FUN DAY AT SEA 10:00am – 6:00pm

TAMPA, FL -  8:00am

Oh and just before we have a look at who is onboard and see some great photos of the ship…….. how about this for a brilliant Christmas cruise.

Friday, Dec 23

TAMPA, FL 4:00pm

Saturday, Dec 24 KEY WEST, FL 10:00am 5:00pm

Sunday, Dec 25 FUN DAY AT SEA

Monday, Dec 26 GRAND CAYMAN, CAYMAN ISLANDS 7:00am 4:00pm

Tuesday, Dec 27 COZUMEL, MEXICO 10:00am 6:00pm

Wednesday, Dec 28 COSTA MAYA, MEXICO 8:00am 5:00pm

Thursday, Dec 29 BELIZE 8:00am 6:00pm Friday,

Friday, Dec 30 ISLA ROATAN 8:00am 7:00pm

Saturday, Dec 31 FUN DAY AT SEA AND NEW YEARS EVE PARTY

Sunday, Jan 01 TAMPA, FL 8:00am

That’s a nine day cruise to some great ports and a brilliant chance to celebrate both the holidays and New Years Eve all on one cruise.

So, let’s have a look at some photos featuring the interior of the ship and Captain Vito Giacalone, Hotel Director Mr. Guna and the irrepressible CD Weeeeeeeeeeee Jimmy.

Here is one of the 344 Stephanies superb slide shows.

I loved my time on the Carnival Legend and I know that wee Jimmy and Mr. Guna and his team have the ship at the top of the guest satisfaction chart. She is in my top three favourite ships in the Carnival fleet and if you haven’t sailed on her ……………you really should.

We will look at more of the fleet starting next week with the Carnival Destiny.

I am hoping that I will be able to confirm where your Carnival Magic will be home porting and I will pass along this exciting news as soon as it’s available.

I wanted to ask for some feedback please and this is a request from the beards at Carnival HQ. As you know, we have recently changed our debarkation talks with some ships having them and some ships having none at all. As I also wrote last month the big comment card push has been totally stopped across the fleet. We still put the cards in the staterooms but the CD’s no longer mention them at all and the manipulation that quite honestly we all used when asking guests to complete them is no more. So, I wondered how those who have cruised since we made these changes have found it. So to put it plainly here are the questions that I have been asked to put to those who have been with us recently?

1. If you cruised with us and there was no debarkation talk, did you miss having this event?

2. If you cruised and there was no debarkation talk did you watch the video that has taken its place and now plays in your state rooms?

3. Did not having a debarkation talk effect the debarkation system itself. Did you fully understand how to disembark the ship?

Thanks to those who are able to answer these questions, we really appreciate it.

Well things here in the Heald household are OK and Heidi’s Mum has come to stay for a week or seven. I still can’t work this bloody coffee machine and I discovered why. Heidi bought something called a Nespresso coffee machine and when I told her it was a load of crap and asked her why she had bought it she told me it was because of George Clooney. I asked her if his Georgeness told her to fill her bottom with petrol would she have gone to the CITGO station immediately done so?……………..and that was me in the doghouse.

We’ve reached a point, in fact, where you probably couldn’t hope to sell anything unless it’s attached in some way to a celebrity. Seriously. If I was to develop a way of converting boogers into gold, unless I got William Shatner to say it works, the kits will sit on Wal-Mart’s shelves gathering dust.

Who for instance cares what Paris Hilton? Yep………here in the UK she is advertising a breakfast cereal. Is anyone really going to buy a box of Weetabix cereal because Paris says you should?

She’s a girl who carries dogs in her purse next to her hairbrush and wears T-shirts bearing her own name. I am sure that Paris Hilton has an Eye Phone and one that is probably covered in diamonds as well.

I know Heidi gave me a bollocking at the top of this blog about my obsessive use of my Raspberry but compared to people who have Eye Phones……my obsession pales into comparison.

I know this with absolute certainty because I have seen guests and crew cradle them like they are holding a new born baby.

But that’s nothing…………..have a read of this.

iPhone More Important Invention Than Flush Toilets?

By Charles Moore May. 24, 2010, 8:32am

Is the iPhone a more important invention than the humble water closet? As one who has lived for extended periods of time in houses and cottages without indoor plumbing, I would say not, but according to your typical British consumer, it is as the iPhone was voted a more important invention than washing machines or internal combustion engines. In the Tesco Mobile survey of 4,000 Britons aged between 18 and 65, the iPhone ranked eighth — ahead of the toilet, which finished ninth (toilet paper was 22nd), and also higher than the automobile, camera — even shoes.

Here is the link to the complete article

http://theappleblog.com/2010/05/24/iphone-more-important-invention-than-flush-toilets/

Oh what a load of bollocks. Let’s see how fabulous your Eye Phone thingy looks when you have to poo in a bucket!

Yep……….this confirms it….us Brits are totally bonkers but I am sure there are plenty of world wide Eye Phone lovers who would agree with their British counterparts. It gets worse. People also think that the Eye Phone is a more important than painkillers.

OK……. would every sodding idiot involved in this survey step forward to undergo haemorrhoid surgery without anaesthetic? You’ll have your precious apps to take your mind off the scalpel slitting through your arse. And if that thought scares you, remember, you won’t have a toilet to crap in after the surgery has finished so don’t forget your bucket.

And why do people get so lusty over their Eye Phones They’re just cell phones with silicone breasts and hair extensions…………….they are Paris Hilton.Then again………………if Megan Fox advertised Eye Phones wearing only stockings and suspenders…………………..I’d buy one!

Goodnight
Your friend
John

And as ash spewed from the Eyjafjallajökull volcano. This caused the men and women with beards to put on their high visibility jackets and shut down the skies. Al Gore blamed global warming. The Mayan Indians said it was the end of the world and the tofu-eating greens want to tax the volcano because it produces more carbon dioxide than my Range Rover.

My mate Alan wrote me this e mail “John, this is a terrorist attack, not an act of God. The terrorists are going to use this ‘smokescreen’ to attack us…….we’re all doomed” …. silly bugger.

However, it doesn’t look like the planes are going anywhere this morning either and Heidi said that the skies are clear and there are no signs of ash……..or planes and I wonder how it is that the Lovely Lisa my favourite weather person back home usually gets tomorrow’s forecast totally wrong, that she or any other weather chappy will be able to tell when the volcano will stop farting …………….and the as disapissatates (spelt correctly.)

Heidi and I and some of the blogging faithful have been to Iceland on the Carnival Legend in 2002 and we offered excursions to the blue grotto which I remember had views of the volcano which has currently kept Ryanair and their mates on the ground.

Iceland is beautiful and, yet, not of this earth. The people are all amazingly good looking but  spend all winter being frozen to death and all summer realizing that they live in one of the most jaw droppingly awesome places on earth…. Travel outside of the capital Reykjavík and you will have no reminders of the civilization you left behind…..it is not surprising that Neil Armstrong was sent here to train for his moonwalk.

The countryside is beautiful yet weird, the people are mad, the weather defies belief and some of their laws and customs leave you scratching your head.

Recently the country of Iceland was declared virtually bankrupt and I am not surprised. Heidi and I have clear and vivid memories of the dinner we had with the Entertainment Staff that night the Carnival Legend was there. You pay $80 for a bottle of house wine to accompany your plate of moose, reindeer or elk, which will be served to you by a lady who has completely see through skin. However, you will not be bothered by any of this because you will be too baffled that unlike the rest of the world…………..night does not follow day.

As true as we all know that I adore Megan Fox’s bottom we also know that without fail the sun will set and day will become night. But in Iceland, from the end of April to the middle of September night is like turning your living room dimmer switch down a wee bit……and in the month of June it doesn’t happen at all. It’s the most bizarre feeling to have it as bright at 4 am in the morning as it was at 4 pm that afternoon. Then, in the winter …well….blink and you will miss daylight which lasts just two hours.

In the summer months, people from Iceland rarely sleep and on Friday and Saturday nights ….. they do bugger all. They leave work, go home, have a few drinks, get showered, have a few drinks, change, have a few drinks, and then around 10 pm they all go out….I mean ………….. they ALL go out.

This can be quite a shock if you are not from Iceland but from Earth. I remember Heidi and I going out to dinner as I said. It was a Friday night and we left the ship rather late……it was 9 pm. I remember thinking “Bugger, I bet we are too late to get a table.”

But the streets and the restaurants were deserted and, as I sat with my plate of freshly murdered reindeer and potatoes, I noticed that as the night wore on the restaurant became busier and busier.

By 11:30 pm there were lines outside the restaurant we were in and outside every other one as well. So, I asked for the bill, which was so expensive it would have made Donald Trump go “Bloody hell.”

When we left Heidi and I and the staff entered a world like nothing else. It was a huge street party……. they were celebrating something special…….Friday night. I had seen nothing like it. If Latvian women had been handing out free rumpy pumpy and Tiger Woods was standing there holding a sign that said “get it here” and the Queen Mary 2 had arrived……. all at the same time, it would be nothing like Friday night in Iceland.

To put it mildly……..everyone was totally and utterly smashed, soused, hammered, blotto, out of their faces drunk. Their motto seemed to be that it was no use drinking the odd glass of beer now and then, it was too expensive and a waste of time……..So why not wait until the weekend and drink 30 beers and two bottles of vodka?……and that is exactly what they do.

The Icelanders are very much the same as the Finnish and in particular the same as the shipyard workers who built the beautiful Spirit-class ships. Their work was faultless, the men and women who built the hull and welded the decks were the nicest most professional people in the world, and they built stunning vessels …… but come the weekend they turned into binge drinking nutters who would fill Coke bottles up with nine parts vodka and one part Coke……and that was to drink on the bicycle ride home…….some were so pissed (that’s the British pissed) that they rode home on their bikes…….backwards.

The Friday night gathering in Iceland lasts until late Sunday night where people go straight from the bar to work. It’s amazing….the people of Iceland and Finland seem to have developed the sleeping patterns of a turtle…….your awake for four months and then…………….you’re not.

If any country is thinking of invading Iceland, I would suggest they do so between November and February because no bugger is awake……….although you could also invade in June as well because everyone will be too drunk to care.

Iceland has no crime which is easy to understand as it’s either too light to steal anything and in the winter it’s too cold……even now you can find men frozen to the spot with a stolen TV in their arms.

I remember Iceland as a beautiful, barren, place with days of no daylight and nights with no night. At the weekends the people will fall over mid-sentence because they are so drunk and they welcome visitors from around the world with open and loving arms. The place is absolutely crazy and now they have a farting volcano as well. I hope one day we cruise there again.

Time for a spot of Q and A….off we go.

Karen (not a techmom anymore) Asked:
John (Please reply via blog or email)

We too are on the Spirit on May 11th with John & Patty and have booked our excursions already. It took awhile for the them to be available but we are all set.

We are traveling with another couple and they just celebrated their 25th anniversary. Now when the husband booked he booked a suite-boat is pretty full-but thought it would make the trip special. Last night he asked me how to have nice champagne and chocolate covered strawberries in their room upon arrival and I know the Formalities shop handles it but was unsure what to do prior to the ship sailing. That is my question-how can I help him arrange?

Now my husband was standing there as we talked about this and let me tell you he is in REALLY, REALLY big trouble. Bryon (my son) was Sr. Entertainment Tech on the Conquest during my 25th anniversary. We cruised that week with another couple. Do you think my husband or my son thought to have us renew our vows or do anything to celebrate-NO! So he will be in deep poo for the next 25 years! Husbands-take note.

Enjoy the Conquest-we sailed twice on her and loved it.
Karen

John Says:
Hello Karen (not a techmom anymore)

Before we start, please send my best regards to your son, I hope he is well and happy. It is always nice when people want to enhance a celebration like an anniversary by doing something special for their partner. Please direct your friends to the link thingy here which is our Bon Voyage site where he can order some special goodies:

http://www.carnival.com/BonVoyage/Default.aspx

Your husband may have forgotten and your son but if you send me your cabin number…….I won’t.

Have a great cruise and best wishes to all.
John

Kathy M. Asked:
Hi John, Please Reply.

I feel so bad about telling you about missed cruise critic meeting, but I thought you should know. I do know that it has happened more the twice because when I posted it on Cruise Critic that I had written to you about setting the meeting up, I go quite a few emails that said, “Don’t count on the meeting being set up.” I will say that not one of them blamed you at all, they blamed the CD who was on the ship. I will say this though John, if the meeting had taken place, I think you know me by now that I would have sent you the biggest THANK YOU anyone would have seen.

About the noise coming from the Lido Deck I have read on Cruise Critic many times people have complained about the noise coming from the bands, dance floors or the bars, have heard many many complaints about the dragging of the chairs, so I put a question on Cruise Critic that asked about what locations to avoid when choosing my cabin and it surprised me that most said to stay away from decks that are under the public areas. It would seem to me that when they designed the ship they could put extra insulation between the cabin and the floor above them. This is not a new problem that has come up with the new ships, all of Carnival ships are like that as well as other cruise lines.

Please give my love to Heidi and Kye.
Kathy M.

P.S. How is the mole problem? Please update.

John Says:
Hello Kathy M

The moles seem to have buggered off for now but I am sure they will be back…..the little sods. We realize that there are staterooms where the dragging of deck chairs can be heard and we are currently on a drive to train our crew not to drag them and to put rubber stoppers on the legs where possible. I am positive that we will continue to see good results here and less comments from guests. My apologies to anyone who has been in a cabin where this noise has disturbed them. We will do better.

As for the CC meetings. Well, for the most part these all go without a hitch and I encourage everyone who wants one to nominate one person to contact me as often, as happened on the Carnival Miracle last month, I had two different requests for a meet and greet for the same group which meant we had two lounges reserved. I will always do my best to help with these arrangements though and remain at the service of all my friends on Cruise Critic.

Best wishes
John

retirementman Asked:
PLEASE REPLY JOHN

I only have two questions to have you answer. Since you have a love for the larger ships, do you ever think that you would be a CD on a ship like the Carnival Miracle? (I’ll be on the Carnival Miracle next January 22) and have they decided what port the Carnival Magic will start at (ex: Miami, Ft. Lauderdale or Port Canaveral) and what will be the itineraries for the Carnival Magic?

Just to mention something, the Carnival Dream is a very great ship for everyone. I would recommend to take any cruise on the Carnival Dream. My wife and I still discuss all the fantastic things that took place while on the carnival Dream. I’ve recommend it to all of my friend and I plan on going back to my Carnival Dream. Thank you everything John.

Paul F. Pietrangelo

John Says:
Hello Paul.F Pietrangelo

I have wonderful memories of our time together with Southern Dreams and Charlie on your Carnival Dream. The Carnival Miracle is on the list for the 2011 bloggers cruise and I hope to have more information on that soon. I love the Spirit class and had the most wonderful month last year on the Carnival Legend one of my favourite ships. The home port for the Carnival Magic should be announced soon I would think and I have our Super Spy PA 007 on that case as we speak. Hopefully he/she will be able to let me know what lucky place will be able to call itself the home port of Carnival’s flagship. Regardless of where and when I hope we get to sail together again very soon.

Best wishes to you and the family.
John

Angela Guptill Asked:
Please reply:

Hi John. Can’t stop thinking and dreaming about our Dream Feb.13th. Already have the next cruise plotted out for next year. RE: the Serenity Decks, I absolutely love them but it was a tough go finding a spot. Only actually got to be there once on a cool/semi rainy day but the sun came out for me as I sat wrapped up in my Carnival robe reading my book. This is just one of those suggestions but could you pass it on to “the beards” that the Serenity decks might be a bit bigger or at least try and squeeze in a few more of the cabana style seating thingies. Thanks again for all the wonderful things you and the crew at Carnival do for us. Cheers, Angela Guptill

John Says:
Hello Angela

The Serenity decks on your Carnival Dream were as you mentioned a huge success. This adults only slice of heaven is spaced over two decks and unfortunately we won’t have any more space to add a third area on Carnival Magic and on the Carnival Thingy.

I will see if we can indeed add any more cabanas and chairs to the area but from what I remember space was already at a premium. It is a beautiful area and part I am sure of many wonderful memories of your Carnival Dream cruise.

Best wishes to all
John

Pinkbarbie Asked:

Welcome to Texas.

Hope you have fun and enjoy your time on the Conquest. Get it ready for us. I’ll look forward to seeing you in 5 weeks (April 25).

I am trying to find out if a certain employee is still on the ship when we get there. On our last trip, there was a fabulous hostess named Aysu in the Dining Room that my two daughters, Kaylin and Hannah, fell in love with. IF she is still there, they would like to send her a gift. (Strange request I know, but we do strange things for our kiddos).

Thanks
Christy Richardson

John Says:
Hello Pinkbarbie – Christy Richardson

It will not be too long before you are here. As you may have gathered I am having a terrific time here on the Carnival Conquest as I know you will too. Aysu is currently on the Carnival Liberty and if you want to send her a gift here is the address.

CARNIVAL LIBERTY
P.O. BOX #025351
MIAMI, FL 33102-5351

Thank you for your kindness

Best wishes to you and the family.
John

Laura from UT Asked:
Dear John (please reply),

First, I’m sorry that you are now going to have to edit each and every letter written to you (like you don’t already have enough to do!) before reading them aloud to make sure their aren’t any words that might “offend” somebody (curse words I can understand but slave? Really? I think most of us understood what the little girl meant by the context of her letter.)

Second, though I am not a smoker, I just wanted to check out the list of all the Carnival ships and their smoking policies. The ship I will be sailing on in May, the Carnival Paradise, seems to have the least amount of areas in which people can smoke. Is this because the Carnival Paradise was once smoke free? Who sets the policy as to which areas allow smoking? I’m really just curious so don’t worry about being in a big hurry to answer this question.

Laura

John Says:
Hello Laura

As I think you may have read in yesterday’s blog, you never know what you might say that will upset someone and I continue to do my best to make sure it does not happen. A few weeks ago we posted the smoking policies for the entire fleet and in case you missed it, here it is again.

http://johnheald.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/onboard-smoking.pdf

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Best wishes
John

The Groves Asked:
Please respond

Our first Carnival cruise experience will be on the Valor on May 2nd. I notice that you make table reservations and want a table for my family of five in a prominent position in the dining room and not tucked away somewhere as I read on Cruise Critic happens many times to first time cruisers.

John Says:
Hello the Groves

I would be happy to try and arrange a table for you but will need your full name and cabin number please and as soon as possible. I hope you and your family have a wonderful cruise.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Best wishes
John

Jill Asked:
Dear John, (Please reply)

I am booked on the Carnival Dream to sail in just over a month now on what should be my Platinum cruise. Just booked today! However, my first Carnival cruise seems to have been lost. In what we think was 1986, I sailed aboard the Carnival Holiday with my grandparents (both now deceased) when we think I was 7. Unfortunately after talking to guest services it appears because I have no way of proving my butt was on that ship they are unable to add it to my past cruise records. I am sailing with a newbie friend, I am trying to addict her to cruising (especially with Carnival and not Stuck up of the Seas) is there any way of getting us VIP boarding? Thanks in advance!

PS. Your girls are beautiful and lucky to have you!

John Says:
Hello Jill

I know how excited you are to be so close to your platinum benefits so let’s see if we can help you. Do you have any record of the Holiday cruise? A photo, a ticket receipt, anything? If you do that may stand as evidence and we can add that to your cruise count. Meanwhile I will be contacting the CARE Team to see if there is anything they can do for you. Please let me know when you can.

Best wishes to all
John

That’s all for today, there will be more Q and A soon.

I know many of you have a Facebook page as does Carnival Cruise Lines. In fact their page has been listed in the top 40 most slapped on pages. Have a read of this:

http://blog.thekbuzz.com/2010/04/the-top-40-fan-pages-on-facebook-revealed.html

Congratulations to the 343 Stephanies and those with beards who have made sure that Carnival’s internet marketing is the absolute best in the cruise industry. I was surprised that Svetlana my Latvian friends page didn’t make the top 40……….I am on her Facebook page every day.

I have met so many amazing people this cruise. People like the Wordleys who have cruised 14 times with Carnival………9 times on the Carnival Conquest. This shows yet again the loyalty that people feel to the ships based out of Galveston.

Remember the couple who were swearing at each other on elegant night and then apologized the following night to me? Well, even though I told them that was not necessary they went ashore today and bought me a rum cake and left if the Pursers Office with…….oh bugger …….. bugger ……….the Guest Services Desk with a beautiful card once again saying how sorry they both were.

How wonderful and even though I could not enjoy the rum cake (full of sugar, I gave it to the staff) the fact that they are living in peace and harmony and having fun together is the best reward. I sent them some champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and a note for a continuing happy life together.

The only sad note is the lady who was upset at my “fattest” jokes. I have tried to call her again but she refuses to speak to me and her Mother also seems to feel the same way about me as well because she let me have both barrels. This is left me feeling so sad. I just did a tummy bump ….. and being extra medium myself I am so surprised at this reaction.

But everyone else has I think had the best of times and even with the bad weather in Grand Cayman the smiles, laughter and friendliness are abundant ………it’s what fun for all cruising is all about. And it’s raining hard again today in Cozumel and I do feel so sorry for the guests here and on the Carnival Valor which is docked next to us. I just finished my 9 am Morning Show and even though the guests could see that the sun was not shining they were still so happy and ready to have fun..…..in the liquid sunshine of the day.

Another way to tell how well the cruise is going is by the results at the Cruise and Loyalty desk. As you know this is a desk on the Promenade Deck where guests can talk to someone about future cruise bargains and of course the simply brilliant future cruise certificate. This means that if you have any consideration of cruising with Carnival again within the next five years you must visit the desk. All you need to do is give them $100 as a deposit for that future cruise and they will give you a certificate that assures you of a minimum of $100 onboard credit the next time you sail.

You don’t have to give a date or a ship and……..it is fully refundable. This option is already on over half the fleet and the intention is to have it on all the ships soon. I will let you know when this will be happening soon. This cruise the desk has been very busy. People are grabbing the certificates like hot Krispy Krème doughnuts and making bookings. Next week I have decided to host a 30 minute get together about my experiences in the Grand Med and show some slides and of course…………..talk about the Carnival Magic.

Hopefully this will excite guests into joining me. I am waiting for permission to do this from the beards and hopefully I can as I said start this next week. By the way, please take the time to read the blog I posted earlier today about “excursion pirates.” It is a stark reminder that whether you are in Naples or Nassau, Civitavecchia or Cozumel…..take an excursion from the ship you are sailing on. Let me know your thoughts.

And talking of new things I returned an old one to the program on Tuesday night. Now, I used to host this when I was a both a social host and a young, thin and dark haired CD and always enjoyed it as did the audience. I don’t know what made me do this but I thought “Bugger, let’s give it a try.” And so I did and even though the last time I did it was probably 1995/6 it was a huge hit and so very funny. I am talking of course about the Men’s Knobby Knees Contest.

There is no finer site on the ship than 10 men with their pants rolled up or in one case because their jeans were too tight, around their ankles. I choose a different lady to judge each pair and describe how they feel and then before the audience make their minds up and applaud for the overall winner…………..it’s time for a bit of River Dance as we line the guess up to do some Michael Flatley. It was very funny and even though it had been so many years since I had done this it all came flooding back, the jokes, the timing………everything. The audience laughed out loud and at I began considering bringing back the Male Nightgown Contest…………..my arse!

So, all in all a great week and I am already sorry that I only have two left here. I see that many of you seem happy that I am heading west next contract and thanks to all who are planning to come and see me. I am sure we will have some splendid fun together.

Kye was 11 months old yesterday and on the 28th of April Heidi will be ** years old. I will miss her birthday as I will my beautiful daughters. I considered flying them out to the Fantasy but the business class ticket is nearly $3,000 and I just paid that for her to be here on our Carnival Dream. And so I will miss Heidi’s and Kye’s birthday and missing Kye’s already has me feeling sad, angry and guilty. I just can’t think about it.

Anyway, I will see you bright and early in my underpants on Monday morning as we continue our adventures together here on the Carnival Conquest. Until then………..for those who like to find out what my girls have been up to………………here they are.

Hello everyone!

It’s been a while so a little update was due I think as Kye will be 11 months in a few days.

Since we came home from the ship it took a little time to get back to normal. Kye had her first real cold with sickness and fever which was really horrible. It took her a good 10 days to get back to her happy self. It doesn’t matter what the doctor says, you worry and you feel so helpless as all you can do is cuddle her. For me, it was getting back to normal as well. I kept looking around our house but on none of the floors did I find a buffet with friendly staff and delicious food, certainly not the pasta bar….ohhhh, I miss that!

Kye has been developing rapidly the last few days. On April 4^th she decided she didn’t have to hold on to things all the time anymore when standing up which was amazing to see. It looks like she is on a surf board, standing with her arms wide, riding the waves. Then there is the clapping, which, she most of all, finds very amusing! On the talking front we haven’t come any further than DADA yet, which is just not fair.

There is an advert here in the UK in one of the Mother and Baby magazines that goes like this:

You lose your figure, you lose your job, you lose your sleep and the first thing they say is DADA…..

Oh well.

We are having a spell of nice weather here at the moment so we are off for a walk on the seafront this afternoon. Mum is visiting us for a few weeks and she loves the English seaside………..I have to say, I prefer the beaches and seaside towns in Holland but as Tony Soprano would say: “Wadda you gonna do?”

Talking about Holland. John and I have decided for different reasons that I won’t fly out to the ship for Kye’s birthday.  Therefore, Kye and I are boarding a different ship to sail to Holland for her birthday and celebrate her special day with her Dutch family.  My Dad will smile from above to his little granddaughter who shares his birthday with him.

She will actually have more celebrations than most birthday babies. First she will have a “shared birthday party” with all the babies from the antenatal group, then her party in Holland and we will celebrate again with Grandma and Grandpa when John gets home.

When we come home from Holland it won’t be long before John will be home…….the 3 weeks on board went waaaaay to quick and next time we will sail we will stay a lot longer! Thanks so much to all of you for the beautiful things you say all the time about Kye and a special thank you to Pat and Ed and Carolyn and Don who came on the ship to see Kye.

I am so looking forward to a nice summer together and Holland winning the World Cup.

Bye bye for now,
Heidi and Kye

The first two I shot with a good old-fashioned shotgun, and then for the third one, who was 9 feet high and wearing body armor complete with alien technology, I had to use a photon cannon…….thingy.

I was able to do this thanks to my predecessor Todd who apart from leaving his metro sexual hair and body products in the bathroom cabinet and a copy of “Big Jugs” in the desk drawer………also left me his Playstation 3 game. I have written before I think that I am not a fan of these but these last few days since discovering how to turn the dam thing on I must admit that in a lonely cabin without the joy of Heidi and Kye……….they offer perfect antidote to loneliness.

I’ve been to strange planets, driven a car at 150mph into a wall (it was a Toyota and the brakes failed), killed a Zombie who spurted green pus out of the place where its head used to be, become a Shaolin kung fu master fighting alongside a fat panda and attacked and defeated the entire French Army…….that took five minutes by the way. I might actually consider buying one you know.

Heidi has the Wii Wii game and I think it’s a load of bollocks. She plays Wii Wii tennis, and exercise stuff and occasionally as a special treat while Kye is asleep she will go bowling ………why? What’s the point. You can play tennis in real life, so what’s the point of replicating it on a computer? You want to play golf? Then go outside and pick up a golfing bat, you lazy sod.

Proper computer games are the ones that let you do things you can’t actually do. I want to shoot an alien that looks like Judge Judy and Phil Spector’s love child right between two of its eight eyes but I can hardly pop on down to the shopping mall to have a go at that, can I?

I want fantasy on a games console. I want to pick up a plasma rifle at a far-flung outpost of the universe and kick some serious arse. Yes, I’m beyond terrible at it and don’t even get as far as the first checkpoint before I get killed, but, hey, rather than a game of “running and jumping” as Wii fanatics seem to enjoy.

Well, I am not 10 years old so I don’t want to run and jump. I want to take control of a stealth fighter armed with plasma torpedoes and go up against the Dark Star of the Seas in my quest to destroy the climbing wall network from the planet Epic. And what have they got on the Wii …………duck-shooting………….duck my arse.

“But the Wii keeps you fit,” says Heidi and people with beards. So what? The Playstation and XBox thingies are far more important than that. Come the day when the Earth is at war with real aliens I want Kye to be able to protect herself. We’ll need her skills in the future. Frankly, if she’d been playing on a Wii then I’m afraid mankind’s only hope when the aliens arrived would be that, rather than all-out interstellar conflict……..all they wanted was a bowling contest.

You want exercise? Okay, what you need to do is this. Take the Wii to an actual, real-life bowling alley. Put on those smelly shoes that someone with gangrene of the toes was just wearing….. line yourself up carefully, with the Wii gripped firmly in your hand. Now, when you’re comfy, run down the lane as fast as you can. Then, when you get to the pins, use them to smash up the Wii. And then take the bits to the park…….. and throw them in a lake.

Oh and one more thing. I wish I had a the photon cannon in real life yesterday afternoon when during my afternoon show a lovely and charming spring break type called the show from a phone on lido deck and shouted “we want some fu**ing party music on.” Unfortunately I didn’t have a photon cannon or a plasma rifle or even a pointed stick so I just told the guests that she was the perfect example of why some animals eat their young.

Time for today’s questions………..off we go.

Paul Baranowski Asked:
Hi John, Please respond if you can.

My wife and I have been on 11 cruises. Nine of them have been on Carnival. The other two were before we knew better. Our last cruise was on the Dream on December 3, 2009. This cruise was, without a doubt, the most fun we have ever had on any cruise. We were seated at a table on the other side of the dining room from your table. Bryne Ken, “The singing maitre d” was a great addition to the dining room entertainment and a great maitre d’ as well. The dining room staff was wonderful. I have nothing but praise for the entire ship’s staff. After reading your blog thingy and having such a great time on the Dream, I would like to make two suggestions.

First, I would love to pick my future cruises based on Bryne Ken’s schedule. So posting his schedule with the CDs would be nice. The second is to allow PVPs to place cruisers in general dining room locations, i.e., aft dining room, large table, lower level, center, or some other scheme for seating guests. You are burdened with a large number of seating requests and it would make many people happy. It would also allow the maitre d’ the flexibility to arrange guests in the dining room since no specific tables were assigned.

I would also like to compliment my wonderful PVP, Michele Avins, who I have on speed dial, for doing an outstanding job over the last five years making all of my cruises memorable. Also, Lyndon Culiner is another great PVP who I have gotten to know.

We will become Carnival platinum cruisers on September 12, 2010 when we sail on the Pride with my sister and her husband (who we have converted to serious cruisers). I am hoping you will be our CD on that vacation.

If possible, could you please respond regarding my recommendations and if there is any chance that you will be the CD on my next cruise.

Hoping that many cruises are in all of our futures,
Paul and Laurie

John Says:
Hello Paul and Laurie

Thank you firstly for those nine cruises you have both enjoyed with Carnival. I remember you well from the bloggers cruise and of course you like many others are quick to sing the praises of the incomparable Ken Byrne. Ken has two more weeks’ vacation and then will be on the Carnival Legend from early April until the end of October. I will ask him to tell me his exact dates and post them for you here on the blog thingy. While it would be nice to have the PVP’s help with dining requests I am afraid that it won’t be possible. There are lots and lots of them and while I send maybe 15 or 20 requests a week they would be sending many more times that thus making an already difficult job for the Maitre D’s even harder. I should mention I suppose that my relationship with the dining room teams also helps get things accomplished if you know what I mean. Meanwhile I will be happy to help as many people as I can.

Thanks though for those great words for Michele who when I send her this will be thrilled to read your kind testament as will Lyndon. There is a good chance I will indeed be with you on the Carnival Pride and I am sure you are very excited about your Platinum status.

Please let me know if you need anything

Best wishes to you both
John

John Asked:
Hi John H, (Please reply)

Last year I had inquired with you – via your blog thingy – regarding Carnival’s smoking policy in regard to the Piano Bars. I realize that Carnival periodically reviews these policies and has even tried out non-smoking piano bars, etc.

As far as I have been able to find out so far, it appears as though there are not any piano bars that are non-smoking on Carnival (please correct me if I’m wrong), so I am going to have to assume that the bottom line has something to do with the current policies. Realizing that in order for some policy changes to be successful, they must be done quite slowly.

In the meantime, it would be really grand if smoke intolerant passengers were able to experience the uniqueness of the piano bars without being exposed to second and third hand, yes, third hand smoke. LOL, there seems to be such a thing now.

Having tried to enjoy the piano bar on our 2 last cruises (another coming up on 2/21 and we will try again!) I realize that a big part of the problem is poor air ventilation in the piano bars. We tried to sit in a non-smoky location but the air was actually so still that the smoke from someone’s cigarette 10 feet away from us actually lingered almost horizontally towards us.

I would like to suggest that when Carnival is building new ships that additional ventilation capabilities be installed in the piano bars and perhaps the casino. Major land based casinos seem to do a great job of this. Of course, just like everything else, not everyone will be satisfied, but I think most reasonable non-smokers would be thrilled. I realize that it is impractical to modify current piano bars to drastically improve ventilation.

I would also like to mention that there is no information regarding smoking policies on Carnival’s site, except for information regarding Spa cabins. Realizing that the policy (along with others) may vary from ship to ship I am hoping that with the new “Capers” – FUNTIMES that there is a possibility that each ship could post their FUNTIMES somewhere for everyone to see. This would certainly help provide some of the ship specific information that doesn’t appear to be available anywhere else.

I always enjoy your blog thingy and your brilliant sense of humour (spelt correctly).

I would like to close in saying that I enjoy sailing with Carnival and would very much like to continue to do so in the future, but may consider some other lines with less interior smoking venues if I can find any that offer a similar value.

Thanks for your help!
John R

John Says:
Hello John R

Anytime I write about smoking I always start by saying that this is a very sensitive subject and that we as a company are very aware that we need to try and keep both smokers and non-smokers happy as both groups are vital to our business. With regard to the Piano Bars you are correct that they are all smoking and I am not aware of any plans to change this. Now I know that’s not what you wanted to hear and even if I balance this out by saying that all the other entertainment venues (except the dance clubs) are non smoking across the fleet …………that it’s not going to appease you.

You bring up a very good point about the smoking rules and regulations not being online …………mmmm…………let me see what I can do about that. By the way………..what’s “third hand smoke?” ………never heard of that.

I obviously hope you come back to us the next time you decide on a cruise and I think you will find that industry wide the smoking policies are pretty much the same. Let me see what I can do about getting the fleet wide information on smoking.

Best wishes and thanks for the very kind words
John

Agent Dotski Asked:
John, please reply:

Hey John! Long time no talk! I am so far behind on my blog reading!! As a travel agent in the middle of booking season, it’s not too hard to do, but I’ve started stretching out with the laptop in bed to catch up! Should start putting in my two cents more often shortly! Haha!

Just have a quick question for you – hopefully it is just as quick for you to find the answer! My band of fellow Canadian Travel Agents and I all sailed on the Splendor in May (during the whole swine flu issue!) and had the pleasure of travelling with fellow Canadians CD Brad and assistant CD Matt. They were both great to travel with and would do so again in a heartbeat!! We had great fun with them! Anyway, a few of us were chatting about the trip and were curious as to how “our boys” were doing. I see from the CD list that Brad is en route to the Ecstasy shortly, but was curious where Matt is located at the moment. For the life of me I can’t recall his surname. He was very personable, always visible and all of the guests (of all ages) that I saw him dealing with loved him. From our interactions with him, I and the agents that I was with thought that he would be great as a CD someday as he seemed able to adapt himself to every personality. So hopefully he is still with the company and doing well. I’m escorting a group of clients on the Freedom at the end of April so if he happened to be there…! Haha!

Thanks so much for your time and effort John! As always, you are very much appreciated!
Cheers!

John Says:
Hello Agent Dotski

Goodness me it must be a year or so since I added the letters “ski” onto the end of your postings. Welcome back. Thanks for highlighting Brad who did a great job during the whole sneezing pig thingy and in fact he was just here visiting his girlfriend who is a Carnival Dream Dancer and obviously blind as a bat. Yep……..Brad is doing well and is on his way to the Carnival Ecstasy where I know he will do a fabulous job as always. Now, as for Matt? Not sure who that is but will ask around. It’s been great to hear from you and please send my kind regards to all my Canadian travel agent friends and if you need anything from me I will be here…………eh!…….sorry, couldn’t resist.

Best wishes
John

Isabelle turell Asked:
Hi

My fiance’s name is David Stamper (if you want to see all his past cruises he has done 9 cruises so far and was on the very 1st ship the Mardi Gras on Oct 6 1991 lol. This next cruise is David’s 10th cruise. As a Valentine’s Day present I am booking a cruise for me and my fiancé’ on the Carnival Dream leaving February 27th coming back March 6th. I am writing you as David is a big fan of you Mr. Heald and hasn’t sailed with you since September 13 in 1997 on the Imagination. I got David a bobble head John Heald on Ebay. Don’t ask me how much I paid lol. You actually wrote about the ebay auction on your blog. I was bidding on that auction and got outbid last minute lol. won another one on Ebay a week later. David is a police officer and this will be a great vacation for him. We are going to I am excited about it as we have heard a lot of great things about the Dream and John Heald is on it right now which David would really love that. I haven’t told him yet about it but I know he is going to be very excited. I am booking through a Carnival representative by the name of Mary Hirschman, which we booked our Carnival cruises in the past. I love Carnival. We usually do the balconies but I wanted to get a deal and I am going to book an inside cabin. I have no idea what that’s like but as long as we are on the ship I am happy.

I am bringing the John Heald Bobble head for good luck and also in big hopes that you can sign it for David.

John Says:
Hello Isabelle Turell

I just wanted to say how wonderful it was to see you both last week. I hope you both had a great time and I was proud to sign your bobble head. You obviously are both very much in love which was wonderful to see. If there is anything I can do for you please let me know and I hope you continue to enjoy the blog thingy.

Best wishes to you both
John

Luigi DiFazio Asked:
Dear John, (Please Reply)

(Am sending this a second time because I did not include my booking number the first time)

Apparently your last name has been changed from Heald to Please reply (correct spelling lol).

Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoyed this special day with your girls.

John it has been 2 years since the last time my family and I sailed with you on the Carnival Freedom. We first met you on the Freedom when you were being visited by Mr. Bell. We chatted about the Blog thingy and you mentioned that they were even working on a possible TV/Sitcom based on the blog and your life as a CD.

We are booked on the Dream for the March 13, 2010 sailing. Our family is looking forward to once again cruising with Carnival (4th cruise) and to have you as our CD. My girls love Carnival and we always have lots of fun. Even though this is our 4th cruise with Carnival my middle child mused that since we always have 2 cabins that we should be platinum members by our next cruise. I told her we would be honourary (spelt correctly) members until we had our 10th. However, I was wondering if you could pass on a request to the singing Maitre’d (Ken. B) to see if we could possibly be seated at a table of 5 as a family by ourselves.

Also, in the past we have brought walkie talkies with us as a way of keeping in touch on the ship. Some of the blogs say that the ship is too big for them to work. Do you rent any walkie talkies on board that are hooked up to the ship’s system?

I am also looking forward to experiencing the Dream for myself. Some of the reviews have been quite harsh in their assessment of the ship. I will be writing my own assessment when I get back. I will add however, that previous cruises on the Triumph, Liberty and Freedom were also met with many harsh words by the critics who proved for the most part to be unfounded, we had a great time. When reading reviews I am always suspicious of phrases like “my entire cruise was ruined” and “it was the most painful experience”. Really, just because you had to wait half an hour your cruise was ruined?

Experience has taught me that a good time is based on reasonable expectation and not absolute perfection. Those expecting perfection from humans are always disappointed.

See you soon
Lou

John Says:
Hello Luigi Di Fazio …..are you Irish?

Thanks for those kind words about your last voyage with me and my visit by that bastard Bell and his palsy. You know, I keep expecting him to pay me another visit as that apparently is the normal thing that happens but so far……touch wood………..that has not happened. Ah yes, the sitcom. Well I was visited by an LA agent type who said lots of nice things and said this and that and how funny I was and then………I never heard from him again. Oh well……it was a dream but unfortunately I had built my hopes up as usual so I was a bit disappointed to say the least when I never heard anything from him again. That I guess is show business.

The walkie talkies work fine on the ships and I see many guests carrying the Motorola things with them so they can be useful.

Well, you will be here soon and I am looking forward to meeting you. Unfortunately Ken is on vacation and instead I am going to put you with Ante or Klaudio who are brilliant Maitre Ds and will look after you for sure with a table as you requested.

Please leave me a note when you board.

Best wishes to all and see you soon.
John

Bonnie Boatner Asked:
Dear John please reply.

My husband and I, along with some dear friends are blessed enough to be sailing again, this time on the Legend in April. Can’t believe it has been over 2 months since our fabulous cruise with you on the Dream. My husband truly enjoys good cigars, and I recall you recommending a shop in Grand Cayman. Could you give the name/location again? That is the only thing Steve has said he wants to do this trip, buy some good cigars and smoke them under the stars. Thanks so much for your response and all you do for us.

BTW, you would not believe the offers I have received for our John Heald bobbleheads.

John Says:
Hello Bonnie Boatner

I always enjoy passing on good cigar recommendations and when you get off the tender in Grand Cayman you will see a parade of shops to your right situated on the waterfront. On the corner is a restaurant/pub called the Landmark and three doors down from there is the Casa De Habana’s where you will find the greatest selection of cigars in the Caribbean. I wish I could be there to smoke one with your husband.

As for the bobble heads………it was probably the Chairman of RCI wanting to buy it to use as a voodoo doll.

Have a great time on the Carnival Legend.

Best wishes to you both.
John

Tim Kriebel MCPO USN Retired Asked:
John: Please respond…….

Couple of your promises that need revisiting, if you can swing it.

First of all, the video that was shot on the Dream Blogger’s Cruise has never surfaced (or did I miss it?). I remember you saying that it would be up somewhere, but don’t recall seing it. ????

Maybe more importantly, at least a year ago (or so it seems) you spoke of the “brilliant” new guy at Carnival who was now in charge of the guest loyalty program….amidst promises that changes were possibly coming after his evaluation etc…etc… What has he found and where is the loyalty program headed. Certainly he has had time to assess the situation…..What say you?

John Says:
Hello Tim

You are correct about the video mate and do you know what….I had completely forgotten about it as well. Bugger. Thanks for the reminder though and I will get straight onto Peter the Hair and one of the 343 Stephanies and get that posted.

Did you see the interview with Jim our Chief Marketing Officer yesterday? He has been very busy with lots of projects as you may have read but the next on his list is the loyalty program which is already under discussion with all the big beards at Carnival.

It was great to meet you and I will be back to with regards the video.

Best wishes
John

Charlene Szwec Asked:
Please respond

Hello John, hope everything is well with you, Heidi and Kye.

I love your blog and try to read it as often as possible. I love it.

My husband and I are cruising on the Dream for a back to back 6/12/10 – 6/26/10 to celebrate our 40th anniversary. This will be our 9th and 10th cruise on Carnival. I made our reservations through Carnival and asked the rep since our 10th cruise will make us Platinum if we will get the perks for being Platinum. I don’t expect it for the first week but would look forward to it for the 2nd week. He contacted Carnival and was told this could not be promised because of our cruise being a back to back.

I’m not really interested in all of the perks except for our laundry being done by the cabin steward. Since we will be sailing for 2 weeks we don’t want to over pack and only want to pack for 1 week and have our laundry done for the 2nd week. With the cost of baggage on airlines going up all the time we would only like to bring 1 piece of luggage each. We would rather like to spend the extra cash on the ship.

Can you please help.

We have always sailed on Carnival and love it. Never had a bad experience with the personnel. We highly recommend it to all of our family and friends.

Thanks for your reply.
Charlene

PS Can’t wait 121 more days till we sail.

John Says:
Hello Charlene Szwec

Thanks for the kind words about the blog thingy and I am sure you are excited for your back to back cruise on your Carnival Dream to celebrate that special anniversary. I checked with our loyalty team and I can confirm that on the second week of your cruise you will indeed be given Platinum status and that shiny card and all the benefits that go with it will be yours. So pack accordingly and if there is anything else you can think of before you sail please let me know.

Best wishes
John

Jerry Calvert Asked:
Pls reply:

John, I just got home from 8 days on Carnival Spirit, so I may have missed your response. My previous note was crabbing about the absence of the “Bannister Island tour in Belize and inquiring of its return.

Today you talked about Belize–what do you recommend in its absence?

John Says:
Hello Jerry Calvert

I hope you had fun on the Carnival Spirit. I think I did indeed reply but in case you missed it I would recommend that you try the superb cave tubing tour which has returned to our excursion program. I would recommend booking this on line though because since I have been here on your Carnival Dream it has been sold out before each cruise started. Please let me know if you have a follow up question.

Best wishes,
John

Abraham G Asked:
John – Reply to this please

Going on the Liberty on March 20th and am concerned that others on Cruise Critic have reported that the food is not as good as Royal Caribbean or NCL. I am most disappointed to read this and I am already perturbed before I even get on the boat. Is it true, is the food as awful as they say. I would cancel the cruise but it’s for my daughter’s graduation and I don’t want to disappoint her.

Thanks
Abraham

John Says:
Hello Abraham

I don’t know if the food is as good as what is served on RCI ships or on NCL. What I do know is that whoever this “they” is that you referred to but I wish I could meet them. Please don’t judge the cruise before you even get onboard and please don’t base your expectations on what others say. Remember that what is said on Cruise Critic and on this blog thingy are opinions…..not the facts and for every one person who writes that they didn’t like the food on Carnival ships I can find you the same number who says the same about other lines as well. More importantly, for every one person who says the food on the Carnival Liberty is not good I can find a dozen or more bloggers who will tell you the opposite………….right, bloggers?

So, go on the ship. Have fun. Enjoy this special time with your daughter who you must be so proud of and let me know what YOU think about the food when you get home.

Best wishes to all
John

That’s all for today and thank you all for all the hundreds of comments you write each and every week.

Time for a video break and once again we go to the world of Cunard and a look inside the ship that carries the name……….Elizabeth. In this superbly made video we meet the interior designer and get to see the famous “Grills”…….. here is your host Alistair Greening, the soon to be Entertainment Director of Queen Elizabeth.

Seeing that video makes me proud to be British. Yes, I know she is made in Italy and that’s our own fault as a country and a subject for a cigar and a Diet Coke with Peter Shanks. But this ship not only has the huge responsibility of being the Cunard flagship but to the Brits she will be the flagship of the nation, as well. She will demand the same respect her predecessor had as did the much missed Concord. Yes, the plane was a little bit French (they made the toilets) but to me, my mates and millions of Brits…….Concord was as British as Shepherd’s Pie, warm beer and David Dingle and that was what we all felt about the QE2.

I feel sorry a bit for the old lady. Much was promised by the sheiks of Dubai who were going to keep her essence yet turn her into an uber-luxury floating hotel. But the money ran out.  It’s sitting in Dubai, wondering what it’s done wrong. Why did it not sail yesterday and why is there no sense that it will sail today? Why is nobody drinking tea in the Queens Grill and dancing to the sounds of Glen Miller?  I hope something positive happens to her soon.

Meanwhile, Cunard has a new Queen that is getting ready to take on the role of the most famous ocean liner in the world although her sisters Victoria and Mary may have something to say about that. My thanks to Alistair and of course Peter for including us in the build up to the launch of Queen Elizabeth…………I can’t wait.

This week has nearly come to an end and it’s been a bit of a mixed bag. Obviously the low light was missing Roatan. Overall people have been mostly fine and understanding and I thought I would show you two letters at opposite ends of the spectrum written by people at opposite ends of the evolutionary scale.

Well there isn’t much to say is there? The first letter is one that shows the understanding and disappointment felt by anyone who does not get to go to a port that they choose although I am not sure what internet site they looked at as the gentlemen was wrong. This is the first time that your Carnival Dream has missed Roatan and although I know the Carnival Valor missed it once last month it is not by any means a regular occurrence. But again, I understand that this gentlemen like everyone wished that this had not happened and that the wind had not been so strong and that we made into the beautiful port of Roatan.

The rest of the cruise has been gorgeous though and I hope the guests remember that we have had glorious sunshine all cruise long. Certainly the mood on the ship for the most part has been excellent and apart from one or two obnoxious spring breakers, including the idiot who felt the need to swear on live TV……the guests have been fantastic. I doubt anyone who has been here this week will forget the characters we have met, including of course the one and only Stinking Creek who has made an everlasting impression with everyone and I wish he was here every week.

Yep…….even though we missed a port this has been one of the best weeks I have had here on my Carnival Dream. I have worked extra hard to keep everyone’s spirits up and we shall see if I managed to do so when we get the report cards back. By the way ……… there is some very interesting news about the comment cards coming your way very soon.

It’s 8:15am and I have been sitting here…….in my underpants……..writing since 6:40 am. I have had two cups of tea and I feel like crawling back into bed, but I can’t of course. I have my senior officers meeting followed by debarkation talk…….oh yes……there is some interesting news coming your way about that soon as well…….followed by a technical show meeting……followed by the afternoon live show where if that idiot girl spring breaker calls again I shall muzzle her with the pair of underpants I wore all day yesterday which are currently marinating on my bathroom floor…….followed by the Carnival legends show. So, it’s time for me to go but not time for the end of today’s blog thingy……….because………………here’s Heidi.

Hello Bloggers and John

We are back home safe and sound and had the best time on board.

I enjoyed it so much because I didn’t have to think of anything but John and Kye and it was great for Kye because she got to spend time with her Daddy.

Thanks again to Stewart, the Hotel Director, for letting us use his cabin. I don’t know how we would have managed in the Cruise Director’s cabin for 3 weeks without going crazy. His is three times as big and I am very thankful and so is Kye as she had room to play in.

After walking up the gangway for 12 years as a crew member, walking up the gangway pushing our daughter in her buggy was very strange and amazing at the same time.

Kye spent some time in Camp Carnival. I left her with someone other than John’s mum or my Mum for the first time and she had a great time. She loved all the staff in Camp Carnival and they loved Kye, how can they not They called her “Happy Baby” and that is exactly what she is. Nothing seems to bother her, not even a 9 and a half hour flight across the Atlantic.

We bought her the typical souvenirs, the Mexican maraca and summer dress, a photo frame I could have made myself from St. Thomas etc. It was very hot for her most of the time but the Lanai was amazing, Kye had a lot of naps there in a nice breeze.

Of course she got so much attention from absolutely everybody. I want to say a big thank you to Carolyn and Don and Big Ed and Pat who came on the cruise because they knew Kye and I would be there. As always the time went to fast and we didn’t get to spend as much time with them as we probably should have but their generosity and love was so wonderful and I thank them all as does Kye. And a special thanks to the Evil Krewe for your amazing act of kindness from the last bloggers cruise. You are all amazing!

I bet she would have liked tinted windows in her buggy once in a while though ………. especially when she saw Fun Ship Freddy. The photographer managed to take a photo of her with the biggest smile and then she realized the big red and white head was looking at her (it belonged to Fun ship Freddy not the photographer) and started crying, which was the only time she cried in 3 weeks, so thanks Freddy

Saying goodbye to John after 3 weeks was very hard and driving away from the pier, the driver passed tissues to me without saying a word. It was almost like the last scene of Pretty Woman except that Richard Gere was nowhere in sight…..bugger!

The flight back was a bit harder than coming over, even though it was 2 hours shorter than coming over.

I was all settled in my seat with Kye when the man next to me approached, saw Kye and his face dropped. Not bothered about his childish behavior, Kye and I played and read books and she even fell asleep in her own special seat…..until the seatbelt sign came on and I had to take her out, thus wake her, and put strap her in on my lap. (not something that Kye was planning on at that hour of the day). Being a night flight it would have been great to just let her sleep as we took off at around her usual bedtime of 7pm but Mother Nature had different plans and with Kye on my lap the plane made us feel like we were on the Tower Of Terror ride in one of the studios in Orlando…….Of course, all babies, including Kye, started crying and Mr. I Hate Babies next to me started tutting and pulling faces. At one point, when I just had enough of his posh Surrey (a county in the UK where posh people live) self I asked him if he would like to hold Kye for a minute while I am going to use the toilet…..haha! His face………..MasterCard Priceless with capitol letters!

All together, Kye must have cried for 20 minutes but of course felt as a lot longer and at the end of the day….Am I bothered though????? We made it to the ground safe which is the only important thing and Kye was happy as ever after not sleeping at all during the night…….I put her in her Baby Bjorn carrier and she thought going through passport control was very funny as she smiled at the officer, then going down to the luggage claim area where luckily our luggage showed up really quickly.

But, as I have this opportunity to write…..what happened to men being gentlemen?

Really, standing there with Kye hanging in front of me, my backpack on my back, not ONE person offered to help with my 2 suitcases and Kye’s buggy, not ONE. I think after my Dad’s generation that quality in young man has just gone.

Where were Tom and Jane when you need them…….

Anyway, back in the cold and getting back to our routine at home.

Thank you to all the staff on board the Carnival Dream who treated Kye and I like royalty, especially the Chef ) I will miss the chocolate covered strawberries and fresh fruit being delivered.

I know I don’t write much on John’s blog these days as Kye and her diapers keep me busy. But I do want to say how much I appreciate all of your kind words you write for me and my daughter each day and more importantly for all the love and support you give John. He works so hard on the blog. When Kye and I were there his alarm went off at 5:30 am every morning so he could write and spend time later in the day with his daughter. I don’t know how he finds the time to do this and be the Cruise Director he is. Thanks to you all for the support you give him

Here are two photos of Kye. One with me and one with her Daddy who sings his Bouncy Bouncy song to her every day

We hope to see you all soon

Goodnight

Heidi and Kye

Anyway, the article should be good and I will tell you more about it later. The Lunch was excellent and the conversation lively and fun. It was held in a rather posh London restaurant a top of a tall building with amazing views of London and as we chatted and I nibbled on some fluffy goats cheese (personally I would rather have eaten my own hair), I couldn’t help but notice the large groups of city types……..in suits………..holding their Raspberries…..drinking champagne …………..and wearing silly hats………yep……………the office Christmas party was in full swing.

I know I will sound grumpy here but I honestly do like Christmas and especially this year with Kye having her first experience of the 25th.

Naturally there are some things I don’t like. I don’t, for instance, like it when a 16 year old girl tries to spritz you with Chanel’s latest perfume the moment you walk through the door of a department store. But mostly I get on well with Christmas. I find it wonderful to give presents. I like turkey curry in February. The Great Escape is always worth watching. I don’t have any relatives who wet themselves during lunch. I love the fact that like today it’s below freezing which in turn gives me a chance to say “Global warming my arse.”

That said, there is one feature of Christmas that fills me with such fear and such dread that I genuinely shiver whenever it is mentioned. It is the hemorrhoid on the turkey’s bottom, the mold on the smoked salmon. It is . . . the Office Party. When I worked in London many years ago my co workers………starting in January every year, would each save £1 ($2) a week for the annual yuletide piss-up.

By July they would have enough for the shrimp cocktail and by September they were dizzy with anticipation about the first pint of beer. I never understood why. I still don’t. The notion that you turn off your computer at 6 pm and at 6:01 pm are making merry with people you don’t like very much over a paper cup of Heineken seems odd.

They are not your friends or you would have seen them socially at some point during the year. So why think for a moment that the evening will be anything other than hell? Christmas these days is almost completely ruined by the office party.

Take my lunch yesterday for example. We were in a restaurant which as I said was posh. The entrees cost $25 – $55. Yet, there was no sign of the credit crunch as wankers ……….. sorry …….. bankers ………..downed bucket fulls of Moetperignonkrug champagne.

This would mean that the streets of London would later that afternoon become full of ordinary people who have suddenly lost the ability to walk in a straight line. And the atmosphere in every restaurant is buggered by the table of 60 who order food not for its taste but its aerodynamic efficiency.

It was obvious that this party had been organized by the most junior member of the team because their idea of an office party was basically lots of vomit and silly hats.

You think you have nothing to talk about with the man who drives the forklift in the warehouse, but you have even less in common with the office juniors.

The second thing about the office party is of course rumpy pumpy. The glossy magazines will of course be full of “true life stories” about Mary Sue from reservations who had one too many glasses of Baileys and ended up having rumpy pumpy with Brian from accounting……. despite the fact that Brian is as ugly as a cruise ship named Epic and has breath that would make a camel want to smell it’s own scrotum.

Why? You sit opposite these people for years and it never once occurs to you that you would like to see them naked. So how come, after one warm wine, she only needs to put on a paper hat to become Megan Fox?

This Friday Carnival’s Vice Presidents and Senior Management will have their Christmas party which will probably involve drinking Pinot Grigio served at room temperature while standing between the office water cooler and the photo copier and wearing the same clothes they have worn all year though perhaps with a “fun” bit of tinsel in their hair. The highlight will be the distribution of the secret Santa gifts which will include one poor sod having a gift bought for them by Tim our Vice President of Public Relations ………….which will mean that they will receive something that needs batteries and was purchased from The Adult Toy Emporium.

We will be talking about Christmas on the ships later but for now it’s time to crack on with today’s Q and A…………….here we go.

Jeanette Asked:
Please reply

John, the pics of the new pier at Isla Roatan is awesome. I wonder, where is he chairlift to the beach located? I think it’s amazing that they built a lift to get people to the beach! How far is it away from the pier that was used before Mahogany Bay pier opened up. I see there are building around the pier, so yipeee shopping!!!!

The new Carnival Thingy–Any idea on a name for the new bouncy baby ship?

PS: can you tell me where my fave maitre’d is going to be in January? You know who, Alex K, otherwise known as a hot Lithuanian. He is, as far as I know as if Dec 1, on the Liberty still…If he is on the ship then I hope we’ll be in that dining room, I need some eye candy! My friend is platinum and our reservations are linked for dinner (we each have separate cabins), so I hope we can get a good table, a round table in the center main floor would be nice!!

Hopefully your first Xmas with Kye will be magical, but do remember, she’ll likely enjoy the wrapping more than the items that is wrapped!!!!
HUGZ

John Says:
Hello Jeanette

I am so glad that you have been enjoying the photos of Isla Roatan and our new Mahogany Bay facility and in fact we have some more for you shortly. There is indeed lots of shopping there including a Diamonds International and some great restaurants. It’s about a five- to 10-minute walk from the old pier and the ski lift to the beach is of course a very special addition.

The new ship has not been given a name yet so for now we shall call her the Carnival Thingy and as for your favourite Maitre D you are correct he is on the Carnival Liberty so hopefully you enjoyed eating in his dining room. I am so sorry that I am late in my reply and I hope you had a brilliant time.
Best wishes to all
John

Kathy Roxo Asked:
Hi John (PLEASE REPLY),

I am a little flabbergasted right now because I keep trying to post blog comments and they never end up in the comment section (they always says “your comment is awaiting moderation” and then I never see them appear in the actual comments section). I hope that this works finally and maybe one of the 343 Stephanie’s can tell me what I might have been / am doing wrong!

I am a long time reader of your blog thingy but I just began posting (or at least trying to post) recently and I cannot even begin to tell you how much joy it brings me to read your blog every day. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do (while I am still in my underwear of course) is check my email to see if you have posted a new blog for the day yet!

My family and I sailed with you on the Carnival Freedom a couple years ago and out of the 6 Carnival cruises (we would never dream of sailing on a different cruise line) the Freedom cruise was by far the best. We have been trying to schedule a time to sail with you again however, we usually have to sail at specific times of the year in order to work around our schedules and since our Freedom cruise our schedules never seem to coincide with your schedule as cruise director however, I am sure it will happen again, hopefully sooner as opposed to later!

I think it should be noted however, that the passion, joy, commitment, and dedication that you bring to the position of cruise director is absolutely amazing. For example, when we sailed with you on the Freedom, a certain Mr. Bells Palsy had visited you and despite that you did not miss one show or one joke and I cannot begin to commend you enough for a job exceptionally well done!

The menu you have listed here looks absolutely heavenly, I am extremely jealous of the people who are cruising on Thanksgiving this year! As for the people falling asleep around you, maybe they are readers of your blog thingy and have seen your previous pictures of men sleeping next to you (not in your cabin of course and they want to be some of the privileged few who make a cameo on your blog!

On to more pressing issues I had a favor to ask of you. My family and I are once again cruising on the Carnival Freedom sailing on January 2nd 2010 from Ft. Lauderdale FL. There are six of us travelling as a group and this is our 6th Carnival cruise together, our experiences on Carnival always surpass what we expect however one thing always leaves us wanting more and that is our dining experience.

We always choose and get late seating as we never want to miss time at the ports of call or dinner in the dining room and we always are seated simply with our party of 6! These aspects of our dining are always wonderful and we hope that they will continue again this year however our table assignment in the dining room and our dining staff have been somewhat disappointing.

You see John, we always seem to be seated in the way back of the dining room where we can never see the entertainment and excitement that is happening in the main area of the dining room and out of our 6 cruises, we have never actually laid eyes on our Maitre D! This is disappointing to us because we hear all the fun that others are having in the dining room and we feel like we are simply being stuffed back in the back of the dining room with dining staff who seem about as happy to be there as we are. I have seen other dining team members dancing on tables, singing, and even dancing with some of their diner guests but our dining staff never seems to be as exciting as many of the others. We always leave the dining room (with full, satisfied tummies of course) but feeling like we have missed a vital and exciting part of our experience. So, I was wondering if it might be possible for you to help us be seated with our party of 6 at a table in the centre of all the action this year so that we do not miss a beat.

I hate to ask you for favors John, as I know that they take up your time and I would rather you be spending it talking to Heidi and Kye as opposed to helping me with my silly request but I knew that if anyone could help enhance our dining room experience then it would be you John and more importantly, I knew that if you knew this was how we felt about our dining experience then you would WANT to help!

I look forward to your response and I hope that you know how much you are appreciate, respected, and looked up to as not only a cruise director and brand ambassador, but also as a person, father, husband and friend and I think I speak for more than myself when I say THANK YOU JOHN, from the bottom of my heart for all you do every day!

I look forward to your response (as long as my comment actually posts this time)!
Happy Holidays to you and yours!
Kathy Roxo

John Says:
Hello Kathy

I am pretty sure that by now you will have seen that I replied to you a week or so ago. I once again apologize for the time it takes to get comments approved as the 343 Stephanie’s have a lot to look at before they slap them on the blog thingy. You were not doing anything wrong, it just takes time that’s all.

What a great post though and my memories of Mr. Bells Palsy are ones of standing on stage, holding my face back with one hand so I could talk into the microphone and hoped people could understand this Quasimodo type character on stage. Thank you for the wonderful words that shows me my efforts were not in vain.

As I mentioned in my previous reply I have already sent an e mail to the Maitre D of the Carnival Freedom and he will do his best to make sure you have the table you requested.
I hope you all have a brilliant time.
Best wishes
John

Tom and Janet Hecker Asked:
Pls reply

John, we sailed with you Oct 10, 2006 on the Liberty and won the free dinner as pass guest. Thank you so very much. My first cruise was on the Festivale 5/31/1980. We have sent a picture of us boarding the Festivale as required to get it on our past history account. I have been working on this for 2 months or more and now no one will return emails. Can you help us get this list in our past cruise history?
Thank you again.
Tom and Janet Hecker

John Says:
Hello Tom and Janet

I am sure you have great memories from your cruise on the TSS Festivale and your most recent cruise on the Carnival Freedom. I have sent your information to our CARE team who will work on adding your Festivale cruise to your past guest profile. I will ask someone to contact you once this is done
Best wishes
John

Larry Meador Asked:
John, please reply

I am so excited to have our 8th cruise booked. The three of us will be taking the Miracle out of Fort Lauderdale on April 5th, 2010. However, my wife, being the consummate planner, is already concerned that she will not receive her past guest pins. We have all of our previous pins for the Spirit, Conquest, Glory, Elation, Sensation, Fantasy, and our most recent addition the Celebration (thanks to E-Bay). The Celebration was our first cruise, so we didn’t get one on that voyage (even though that was where the addiction was born…)

I know there was much talk regarding the pins previously, and even some talk about the pins being for sale in the gift shop for those that had not obtained the coveted platinum status.
Can you clarify for me how we will be able to obtain our past guest pins for our upcoming cruise? I know it seems trivial, but we are quite proud of Carnival Cruise Lines being our ONLY cruise line. My wife wants us to go on each and every ship…. (p.s. This will be my 10 year old son’s 7th cruise….)

Many thanks for all you do, and please realize how much you are appreciated by your fans. I hope you get so see your girls soon!

John Says:
Hello Larry

Congratulations on booking your next cruise on the Carnival Miracle and I know your Cruise Director Malcolm and all the team will make sure you have the best cruise ever. The past guest pins are being handed out to our guests with Platinum status however they are for sale to everyone in the onboard shops. These are already in stock and I am waiting to hear that the ships also have pins from across the fleet as I think that is something everyone will appreciate.

Your ten year old is one lucky young man and if you remind me a month before you sail I will send him a little bon voyage gift.

Best wishes to all.
John

Princess Lori Asked:
John, please reply if you have time.

Oh….I can’t believe the total number of views for your Blog Thingy – over 5 mill. I remember when you hit 1 mill. Congrats to you, all the Stephanies and everyone at Carnival for making this possible! Have fun on the Carnival Dream this week with all the Bloggers!

John Says:
Hello Princess Lori

Wow………..how very gracious of you. I also remember that one million mark and to think that in less than 3 years we have hit 5,600,000 is quite extraordinary and very, very humbling.

I wish you could have been with us on the bloggers cruise.
Best wishes and hope to see you soon.
John

Cruzin2some Asked:
Dear John,

My wife Nancy and I are taking our three (3) kids and their spouses and our two (2) grandkids on a cruise in 2011. We are going to go to either the Caribbean or Mexican Riviera. Still tossing that one around. My question is for these two destinations does Carnival require or suggest that all passengers have Passports? I thought it was suppose to be that after the first of January this year that all passengers leaving the US would need to have a passport. I have read in several places that this is not necessarily the case. I figured I would go to the “Ultimate College of Travel Knowledge.” What say you?
The Cruzin2some
James & Nancy Enslow

John Says:
Hello James and Nancy

First of all please allow me to offer my assistance as you continue to decide to sail on a ship to the Mexican Riviera or the Caribbean. If there is anything you need to know I am at your service.

The answer is that we strongly recommend that guests get their passports for cruises and hopefully this will give you ample opportunity to organize them for the family.

Best wishes to all
John

Pete Asked:
Hi John (please reply),

I’ve read online that another Carnival ship, this time the Carnival Splendor, hit a RCCL vessel… Didn’t read anything about it on the blog…since it’s the 2nd time in a few weeks I thought you might react to that I also heard they had to medivac the Captain of the Splendor 2 days after the incident, any info about that?
Pete

John Says:
Hello Pete

There was indeed a little scrape between the Carnival Splendor and the Radiance of the Seas a few weeks ago. Damage was very minor and neither ship needed to delay or change their itinerary. The Captain was not medivaced but did need to go ashore for some treatment but the two incidents were not related. Captain Rassello is now at home on vacation and will return to continue his duties as Captain very soon.

Thanks for allowing me the chance to set the record straight.
Best wishes
John

Roni Asked:
Please respond!

Dear John:
I love your blog. I find humor in everyday occurrences as well and I love how descriptive you are. I was laughing and crying while reading this blog.

Well, my name is Roni and I am cruising on the 12/19 Dream cruise. This cruise truly is a dream as I was in a really bad car accident and have treated myself, my mother, and my autistic 12 year old sister to the cruise of a lifetime. I was able to afford a suite for them.
Unfortunately, my birthday is the 23rd (always forgotten during the holiday season) and I’m gluten free so birthday cakes are out of the question. I was just wondering if you had anything special, maybe hidden in your bag of tricks, that might make this the best birthday and cruise ever for me and the girls.
Thanks for your time,
Roni

John Says:
Hello Roni

Thanks for the kind words about the blog and I am so happy to know that it makes you smile. How wonderful that despite the horrific accident you were involved in that you have booked a suite for your Mum and your sister and I know this will truly bring a smile to their faces when they see their stateroom.

I would love to send you something but I will have to get one of the 343 Stephanies to e-mail you as I do not know your last name or state room number. Hopefully you will reply in time for me to be able to send you something.

Hope you all have a wonderful time
Best wishes
John

Fred Asked:

John, we are now 18 days out from our Christmas Cruise on the Dream, I wrote you earlier about my Canadian French party coming on board. Our cabin is 8287, my niece (whose birthday is on the 24th if you could do something cool for her, she is becoming a teen!) is in 8283. The other two cabins are unassigned at this point (and they are the least English capable, being older folks). I have the booking numbers for them if you could use that…

John Says:
Hello Fred

Despite your love of frogs legs I hope you all have a brilliant cruise mon ami and look out for a birthday gift for your niece. I will also ask for French Carnival Capers for the cabins.
Bon voyage and mon derriere scheder du fromage
John

Lloyd Fernley Asked:
John, please reply

I was just reading the cruise boards on Cruise Critic and I saw a comment and some replies that said Carnival does not offer anything for the Jewish guests during the holiday season. My family and I will be sailing for the holidays on the Valor and I would like to know why nothing is done for your passengers who are of the Jewish Faith. Also, can you tell me the age requirements for your Club O2 teenage camp?
Thank you
Lloyd

John Says:
Hello Lloyd

Well let’s start with the Club O2 question to which the answer is 15 – 17 years of old. It is a great facility and one that means you can relax safe in the knowledge that your teenagers are having fun and meeting new friends.

Unfortunately the person who states that we do not do anything for the guests of the Jewish faith during the holiday season is talking rubbish………..again. Each ship will have a sunset Menorah candle lighting service as we celebrate Chanukah with our Jewish passengers. There will also be a Christmas show performed by the cast and featuring the children and a visit by Santa. recently we have added the Dreidel Song to the show, once again acknowledging the Jewish passengers.

I hope you all have a wonderful cruise and enjoy this special time together.
Best wishes
John

Dan Coffman Asked:
Pls reply

I would like to know why I was not invited to this cruise because I am one of John’s Bloggers. We were actually on the cruise but did not know about the blogger invite. Room 6202, Dec 3-12, 2009. I am very disappointed in Carnival about the cruise and not being invited to this blogger event

John Says:
Hello Dan

I know you only posted this comment yesterday but I wanted to love you to the top of the answer pile so I could reply. The bloggers cruise was as you said held last week on your Carnival Dream where 183 people attended the private events etc. These people all pre-registered for this and the gifts via the blog. I posted the need to do this many, many times and so I apologize if you missed it. I hope you had a wonderful cruise and I hope you continue to enjoy the blog. Please let me know if you have a follow up to this.
Best wishes
John

That’s all for today. Time for the news.

And as we were talking about the Bloggers Cruise I want to share a photo of the private function we held for Big Ed and his Evil Krewe. We were meant to have Nani there so we could hand her the school supplies that her Krewe friends had brought with them but as you know we couldn’t dock in San Juan……….bugger. Those supplies are now on there way to her. Anyway, here is the photo and once again you will have a good view of the now infamous toilet cake.

You will see that there is a tall, very pretty lady with her arm round Mrs Big Ed or Pat as she is sometimes known. This lady is one of our most frequent commentators on the blog thingy ……… Linda Mom of DJ.

I mention her because she most graciously has given the sum of $500 to the St Jude Children’s Hospital which as you know is the charity that Carnival Cruise Lines is so honoured (spelt correctly) to be working with. Linda did not though make the donation in her name but in the name of Captain Queirolo and the Carnival Dream crew. How extraordinary! Actually……….it wasn’t because anyone who knows Linda will tell you that this is the sort of thing she does all the time and that thinking of others has always come before thinking of herself.

So thank you Linda for your kindness and you have made a difference to the lives of those children this Christmas just as you have made such a immeasurable amount of difference to the life of your precious son DJ.

Oh one more thing…………..you were a fantastic Britney Spears in the Legends show!

Now, I want to apologize to the blogger who asked about docking a Carnival ship in the port of Hamilton and St. Georges in Bermuda. I had said that I would investigate this matter but I seem to have given you false hope. I know this because I received an e-mail from our super spy PA 007 who wrote to me from his or her cubicle. He or she was quick to tell me that I was talking ” “bollocks” or actually because he or she is from America he spelt the word “bollocks” “bullocks” but never mind………..anyway PA 007 told me that these two ports can only take smaller ships with Holland America’s Veendam being the largest. Henceforth that is why the Carnival ships …………..when we do call there……………dock where they do.

Thanks again PA 007 for correcting my bullocks.

Well, Mahogany Bay is now fully functional and the Isla Roatan officially welcomed your Carnival Dream. Amongst the honoured (spelt correctly) guests attending the first call festvities were Carnival Corporation’s Giora Israel and your Carnival Dream Captain Carlo Queirolo. However, the most special guest was the President of Honduras Roberto Micheletti whose presence showed just how important the cruise ship business is to the country.

Here are some photos taken once again by our friend Radu.

Tomorrow, I will have some great photos of the Carnival Ecstasy and her new balcony cabins.

As I said, yesterday I had lunch with the travel editor of the Daily Mail He has recently returned from a visit to the Mall of the Seas and a cruise on the Seabourn Spirit that he said was excellent.

However, the last time he cruised on a Carnival ship was in 1994 on the Carnival Sensation. I told him that this was too long and so I have arranged for him to come and sail with me on his Carnival Dream and he has agreed to do so and write about his experiences. The Mail on Sunday is read by three million people and I told him that figure would rise if a photo of me and those Latvian women were to be published.

Anyway………..here is a link thingy all about Frank.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-/index.html

On Monday our President and CEO Gerry Cahill held a town hall style meeting for all our Carnival shoreside employees during which he gave a state of the business talk, thanked them for their loyalty and hard work and presented each one with a Rolex watch……….OK……..no Rolex ……….but his speech was very well received as was the video of our slide escapades. Gerry also paid some very nice compliments about the naming ceremony and in particular my little cameo with my extra large bottle of champagne. In case you missed that portion of it………..here it is again and my thanks to Gerry for the very kind words. The video will be featured in tomorrow’s blog.

I should have written about this next subject last week during the bloggers cruise but alas I forgot.

It was great to see so many familiar faces last week yet there was one missing…..and that was the always happy, always grinning face that has been sat on the second row of the theatre for 50 plus cruises with me…….the face of Robert Schneider who lost his battle with cancer earlier this year. Robert loved Carnival and loved the bloggers cruises especially. Robert……we missed you mate.

Here’s Heidi

Hello everyone. I just wanted to say hello and say that apart from having to wash John’s underpants it is fantastic to have him at home. Thank you so much for the gifts and cards and the amazing surprise from Big Ed and his friends and I am really lost for words and I wish I could have been there to thank you all in person. Thank you all.

I know that John was worried that Kye would be shy around him because he has not seen her for so long. For the first few seconds she was but as soon as she heard his voice she smiled that huge smile and giggled hysterically when he sang her bouncy bouncy song.

John mentioned that he used to sing it to her on the phone. Also I had recorded him singing it on a video which I would play to her everyday on the computer.

The first time Heidi listened and watched it her chin went “wobbly.” Now, many of hearings later it always gives her lots of excitement. It has become her song and a stand-in for when Daddy is being a Cruise Director. The video ends after about five minutes, “That’s all now, Kye. It won’t be long before I’m home. Love you lots,” John’s voice says. Kye laughs and I hope that Kye doesn’t notice my tears.

You know how nervous I have been about posting photos of Kye but could not resist showing you this one.

Goodnight
Your friends
Heidi, Kye and John

Why was Tiger Woods leaving his home at a little after 2am? How could he then hit a fire hydrant and crash into a neighbor’s tree while driving at less than 30mph, especially as police say alcohol played no part in the incident? ……………………and who cares?

OK……..Tiger is obviously far more human and less saintly than his image suggests but is this really more important than the war in Afghanistan……….Iran’s Nuclear Program and the news that I will be sharing with you at the end of today’s blog? Of course, Wolf Blister and his colleagues cant make fun of the whole thing so I thought I would see how many Tiger Woods jokes I could come up with in 8 minutes………8 because its 7:22am and by 7:30am I want to start with today’s Q and A session……………so lets see………………I cant promise they will all be funny………………but away we go.

Allegedly, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club………………… is his wife. What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards. Tiger Woods was injured in a car accident as he pulled out of his driveway early Friday morning. It was his shortest ever drive.

What was Tiger Woods doing out at 2.30 in the morning? He’d gone clubbing with a birdie. Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Perhaps Tiger should be using a driver?

Apparently, Tiger admitted this crash was the closest shave he’s ever had. So Gillette has dropped his contract.

Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash. He’s still below par though Tiger Woods wife was worried he was seeing another girl and had made a hole in one Tiger was driving a Caddy-lac.

The girl Tiger was allegedly seeing was the niece of fellow golfer Jack Knickerloose.

And on that note I think I will stop there………………………………Time to answer today’s questions………….here we go.

Austin Asked:
JOHN – Please reply

Hey John, (sorry this is long)
We just got back from our Carnival Liberty sailing. Our schedule was reversed because of the hurricane, however the first night we had winds of 70 knots, which I believe is around 80 mph??? Holy hell—our ship was a rockin’!!!!

Just wanted to pass the word along that we took the behind the fun tour and it was great. I can’t remember the Captain’s name, but he is Carnival’s senior Captain (at least for two more months, then he retires) and very entertaining. He said that he cannot control the weather, but he can influence it! The tour was worth the money; however I recommend more of an advance warning that there are several stair climbing’s to be expected. My mother had wanted to go, but decided not to, which was a good thing afterward due to the all of the climbing. My wife wants to know if the towel folding machine could be found on ebay?!?

The “safety drill” was exactly as it has been in the past, except with no life jacket–which was good; however seated in a lounge like you did on the Carnival Leg-End would have been more nicer!

Butch, the cruise director, was one of the better cruise directors we have had (12th cruise); however he needs to watch out for his assistant – (Chris, I think?) he is hilarious!! He has an annoying laugh, but fun to watch dance, he sits with the guests at different game shows and heckles the social hosts–a riot!!!

I did want to point out, and hopefully you will pass word along—our dining room waiter (Silver restaurant, deck 4 Starboard side) Leonardo A (forgot the rest) was outstanding, along with his assistant waiter. He was very knowledgeable with the Carnival product and promoted “carnival.com” if we had any more questions about different ships, etc. He has 16 years with Carnival and had nothing negative to say. He continued his excellent service from the dining room to the Lido deck service for lunch, as he would go out of his way to see if we needed anything special, or to simply ask how our day was going.

I only have one complaint, and of course it’s the same complaint that I have with all of the Conquest-class ships….PLEASE MOVE THE INTERNET CAFE AWAY FROM THE CIGAR BAR!!!!!! I noticed a door that leads to outdoor deck on deck 4. Perhaps an alternative entrance could be utilized?? Also, we were not able to get to your blog site without being charged minutes. We could get to Carnival.com, but not the “johnhealdsblog.com”.

Anyway, I can’t complain much, as my wife won the free-cruise raffle!! And something else that I normally gripe about, which has nothing to do with Carnival, but something that gripes you too…..Customs/Immigration/Border Patrol…..picture this: We have a late flight, so we stay on the ship as late as we can. We hear the final all-call, get off the ship call. We have our luggage in hand; make our way to the “cattle lines” of people waiting to go through customs. The officer asks for the customs form, asks how many people were traveling with me, I said 3, she looked for the three people, then told me to enjoy my afternoon. She didn’t ask for ID, birth certificates, passport, nothing. I went from deck 3 on the ship to the streets outside of the terminal in less than 5 minutes. So now I wonder, was she tired of being there all day, or are we slowly getting back to the pre 9/11 days and easing up on security?

Anyway, just wanted to make sure you saw the note of praise for our dining room waiter and assistant waiter, and that the ACD has a lot of potential—actually, shouldn’t all of the cruise director’s be a little worried this week, that all of the ships are being entertained by ACD’s—life goes on without the CD’s? Haha, thanks for your great blog thingy.

Austin
Hickory, NC

John Says:
Hello Austin

What a fabulous way to start today’s Q and A session. Let’s begin with the one negative and that’s the cigar bar being close to the internet cafe. There is no point in saying anything else here except that this was a mistake on our part from the Carnival Destiny through to Carnival Splendor. I realize that for non smokers having to pass through the bar to get to the Internet stations is not pleasant and I wish I could say that it’s something we are going to be able to change……….but unfortunately we cannot. I apologize for the inconvenience this caused you. Then there is the access to my blog which I know is still not available onboard………….I again have failed miserably here but let me see if I can ask again……………….hope springs eternal.

On to the positives………..the many positives………….that you mentioned in that great postings. I have said many times here on the blog thingy how proud I am of Butch and it looks like I will have to look out for Chris the ACD, he sounds great………….apart from his laugh!

You met Captain Casula and I can honestly say there is nobody like him…………………he is a true individual and we will miss him. He is a true man of the sea and so much so that as soon as he retires he will sail on the Queen Mary 2 on her world cruise……………..that’s how much he truly loves being on the ocean.

Thanks again for the words of praise and I will make sure that Leonardo receives a commendation for a job brilliantly done.

Thanks again for taking the time to write and for all your kind words.
Best wishes to you all
John

Linda Stein Asked:
Hi John. Please reply when you get the chance.

My husband and I just returned from our Miracle cruise 11/4 – 11/12/09. We had a great time. Everything was perfect from the food to the shows to the ports to the wonderful and friendly service of every member of the crew we encountered. I just love Miracle and was so happy to get back to her. She did not disappoint and I cannot wait until I book my next Carnival cruise.

You were right when you said we would love Malcolm as the CD. He was very funny and very informative and we really enjoyed him. He has a wonderful sense of humor. He really made me laugh over and over again. He also did a tribute to our American Hero’s on 11/11 which was Veterans Day and the night of our farewell party. He asked all the vets in the audience to stand up then invited them to come on the stage with him. There he had each one introduce him/herself, tell their rank and their type of service and how long each of them served. They all got a standing ovation and it was a wonderful way to remember our Hero’s on their special day.

Malcolm also organized the “On Deck for the Cure Walk” for breast cancer like you said he would. I was very glad to see that this was going to happen and thank you again for sending word along to Malcolm to see it done. Unfortunately, even though I did make my donation to the cause, I missed the walk.

Going through the capers while sitting on deck that day I noticed that the walk was taking place and the meet time was 11:45am outside the Bacchus dining room. You know I wanted to do this walk because someone close to me had just been diagnosed and had her surgery just before I left for the trip. So I went to the meeting point where I saw several people already waiting there with their walk T-shirts and wrist bands. “How did you get those already?” I asked. They told me that an announcement had been made over the PA system the night before saying to go to the Formalities shop to sign up for the walk. I never heard that announcement so I ran up to the Formalities shop. I was only gone about 5 minutes but by the time I got back the group was gone. I assumed that for a walk they would be going around either deck 10 or the walking track on deck 11 so I ran up there to catch up. I was wrong; they were nowhere to be seen. I never did find them and completely missed the walk. I later found out they were walking around deck 3. I felt bad that I had missed the walk but at least I got to make my donation to the cause. But I was really annoyed that I never heard the announcement.

That brings me to the only thing I have a beef with the entire week. Two times during our stay the alarms went off in the middle of the night in our cabins, each time at around 2am because someone was ill or hurt. It was very jarring and quite frightening and each time I had a very difficult time getting back to sleep. Now, do not get me wrong. When a person is ill or injured or in trouble the crew, the medical staff, the officers, absolutely everyone who can help NEEDS to know about it immediately. However, I do not see the point of waking up every passenger on board at 2am as if there was anything we could do to help. They were also the only announcements that were made over the PA system directly into the cabins. Regular, routine announcements, the ones we really wanted to hear like the announcements Malcolm made about activities or changes in schedules and/or the announcements from the Captain about weather updates etc. are broadcast on the PA system on the open decks and in the hall ways only. I missed basically every announcement they made when I was in my cabin with the TV on or if I was in the bathroom. The only way to guarantee that you hear the announcements while in your cabin is to keep the door propped open. A little awkward if you’re trying to dress. I missed the On Deck for the Cure walk because I never heard the announcement. But I on deck 7 knew at 2am that the ship’s doctor was needed on deck 5!

I just don’t get it! It was really annoying and the only negative thing about the entire week. It would be very nice if they could figure out a way to re-route the announcements so that the announcements that come into the cabin are the one’s passengers really need to hear like the CD and Captain announcements and true emergencies, like if there is a fire or if there is a true ships emergency every passenger needs to know about. The other announcements should be in the crew and medical quarters where the people who are trained to help can hear them but not disturb every passenger on the ship.

But all in all it was a wonderful, fabulous and unforgettable cruise. Well worth the 11 months wait to get there. I can’t wait to go back!

John Says:
Hello Linda

Another great review and postings like this are so valuable to us here at Carnival. I am so glad you enjoyed Malcolm as your CD and considering that he was in intensive care 6 months ago it is a miracle that he is on the Carnival Miracle and healthy and giving guests a great time. I am so sorry that you missed the walk on the deck, it appears that this was not communicated properly and my apologies for that. We never ever make announcements in the cabins unless it is an absolute necessity. Regular announcements such as those from the Cruise Director explaining the day’s events etc are never made inside the cabins as people may be resting.

However, in the case of an emergency or someone who has been taken seriously ill the quickest way and most proficient way to get the response teams to where they need to be is through the public address system. I know this as you said can be a little disconcerting but I promise you this is done only in extreme circumstances. It is very rare that you had two such calls in one week. If there was an emergency such as the ship being in difficulty, a medical emergency, etc then we will indeed use the emergency public address system. However, for every one person who wants announcements about bingo, activities etc in the cabin I promise you that there are many more who do not want them. ………………..actually Linda, thanks for this because maybe I am wrong here so let’s ask your fellow bloggers. How many of you would like all the announcements broadcast in the cabins……………..please let me know?

So, I am so glad that you had a wonderful cruise and I hope you can now appreciate why the announcements were made as they were.

Please let me know if you have a follow up question.
Best wishes
John

Terri Asked:
(please reply)

John: Can you please let me know for sure that you WILL be on the Carnival Dream, January 23rd. My husband has never met you, I usually sail with my friends, Leslie (Butlin girl) from Skegness and David from Yorkshire, I’m the Aussie (don’t hold that against me) they said to say hi and will see you soon a cruse.

I have talked my husband into going on the Carnival Dream and cannot wait for him to meet you. I’m sure I read someplace that you were on it thru March, but can you verify.

Thanks John for all you do to make everyone laugh. There’s been many days I’ve needed a good laugh being in real estate these days, when I do I go to your blog and immediately feel uplifted.
Regards,
Terri

John Says:
Hello Terri

I love Aussies………….I am just jealous that you get to wear shorts at Christmas time and never understand why you bother having kitchens in your homes when you cook every meal on the barbi.

I will be on your Carnival Dream on the 23rd. I won’t be the CD as I will have a week’s handover with Todd but we shall still have a chance to meet each other and have some fun. I am so glad that I have a chance to me meet your hubo and thanks for all the kind words about the blog thingy.
See you soon
Best wishes to all
John

Steveo Asked:
John, Please reply.

My wife and I just completed our cruise on the Carnival Destiny, we got off the ship on Thursday 11/12/09. As usual we had a terrific time and hated to leave this beautiful fun ship. We did encounter the aftermath of Hurricane Ida, with some strong winds, but nothing to dampen the fun aboard the Destiny. I have to point out an incredible experience we had aboard the ship, we had the pleasure in being served by a headwaiter named Fu. Fu made our dinner experiences unforgettable; he offered us the very best service we have ever encountered on or off a cruise ship. After hearing my wife’s comments on how much she loved the pumpkin soup, Fu arranged to have a bowl (or 2) of this delicacy for her every night of the cruise, even though it was not offered on the menu. We expect great service aboard the fun ships, from our past experiences, but Fu is in a league of his own.

Captain Pier Paolo Scala has a great sense of humor and was very approachable, our CD Brent was terrific and we loved the shows in the Palladium lounge. I have to admit that I enjoyed the warm chocolate melting cake 5 times during our cruise, each was better than the one from the evening before! After I finish this entry I will be back online booking our next Carnival vacation, which will be my 7th and my wife Michelle’s 10th aboard the fun ships!!! We will be back on the Carnival Destiny during March of next year, and the Carnival Dream in September, as we celebrate another anniversary aboard a fun ship. Hopefully Fu will again be onboard the Carnival Destiny and we can rekindle the friendship started this week.

John Says:
Hello Steveo.

Today’s Q and A has included some great ship reviews and here is another one of the good ship Carnival Destiny. Captain Scala is a class act and I truly hope that one day soon we will have a chance of working together. Fu sounds like a great chap and I will make sure that he and Brent and the entire ships crew get to read your testament of praise. I hope you continue to enjoy the blog thingy.
Best wishes and happy anniversary
John

Alan Asked:
Hello John, PLEASE…PLEASE…PLEASE reply

Hope you are well and that you got your cheeseburger. Sorry I missed the ceremony on the Carnival Web site but my work doesn’t allow streaming. I’m sure it was fantastic. But even though I missed it I will be seeing MY Carnival Dream in just 10 more days.

You may not remember but I wrote to you a while back voicing my concerns about smoking policy in the Casino and you re-assured me that it will be fine and even asked me to write back after the cruise to give you my impressions. (I thought that was VERY nice of you).

As much as my family and I are looking forward to our “DREAM” vacation coming up the week of Thanksgiving I there is a department within Carnival that is leaving me with a very bad taste and causing more gas than if I had eaten several bowls of chili. It concerns the people who handle the Early Saver Program. I know there was a comment about the ES a couple of days ago but I have to vent about my problems with the program. First let me say that I love the idea of the ES program that allows us to make sure we can ALWAYS take advantage when we find lower fairs after we originally book. Also the program worked great…up until I made my final payment. Since that time, trying to get the credits for my OBC from rate reductions I found has been like pulling teeth. It took 3 weeks to finally get the credit I was applying for the first time I found a reduced rate. I am now involved in another fight to get a new reduction I found.

I submitted the online form originally on Oct 18th ($279.00 senior rate for passengers 3 and 4 which is GREAT…if I can get it!). I re-submitted on Oct 31st because I had not heard back on my request. I also sent an e-mail to my PVP to let her know about what was going on. She wrote back and stated “the supervisors are asking me you to wait until Monday” which was Nov 1st. I waited and no response so I gave it another couple of days. On Nov 3rd I wrote to my PVP and she replied “The Early Saver Department is working on your request. We should know by Friday” that would have been Nov 6th. The 6th comes with no answer or e-mail from either PVP or the early saver department. On November 9th I talked to my PVP again and she talked some supervisor and requested to fill out the online form again and that I would hear in 48 hours! So…I did submit again!!! So now we are here on Nov 13th and still no word. Sooooooo (are you detecting a trend here John?) I called my PVP at 11 AM eastern time about this continuing problem and she said she was tied up with another customer and would “call me right back”. Well I got home from work at 5:15 PM and checked my e-mail since I had not heard back from her. Upon opening my e-mail I found an email from her which was sent at 3:49 PM (so much for calling right back). And to my shock…surprise…dismay (pick any term you would like) she tells me that my request was never received and that I have to re-submit (if we are counting that will make 4 times!!!!!) and have to allow yet another 3 days to see if I hear anything!!!! Needless to say that was NOT acceptable to me and after some conversation back and forth she told me that “her supervisor” is going to handle this problem and I will get a call on Monday.

Now you can call me a cynic…but I do not have a warm fuzzy feeling about how this is going to work out.

John, I truly do love Carnival and am so looking forward to our upcoming cruise but this is leaving a VERY bad taste in my mouth. The best way I can describe the frustration I am feeling is the following: You, John, by using the ES program that I will get to have “rumpy pumpy” with 3 of the most beautiful women in the world…at the SAME TIME (you are obviously trying to kill me but that is a different story). Anyway as the selected day for the rumpy pumpy approaches you let me know that I will have to wait a few more days. And then you postpone the time again and again. Finally the day arrives after being put off again and again and you tell my “sorry…no rumpy pumpy for you BUT you can wash, dry and fold all the underwear I used over the past 6 months instead of having the rumpy pumpy”

At the rate this is going it will finally be resolved 2 weeks AFTER we get back from our Thanksgiving week cruise. PLEASE…PLEASE…PLEASE tell/ask the people with beards to either get the ES program to work or drop it all together. As it is running now the program is taking away from what should be pure and total anticipation of a fantastic cruise.

Thanks for allowing me to vent and in a long winded fashion explain a serious shortcoming to what should be a wonderful program.

Sincerely,
Alan

PS…can’t wait until I can finally be on a cruise with you.

John Says:
Hello Alan

I know that I am writing this on the day you leave the ship and the day I join so I will start by saying that I truly hope you had a brilliant cruise and I truly look forward to reading your review here on the blog thingy. I will especially look forward to reading your comments on the casino smoking policy.

I know that the early saver policy is rather complicated but it is as you said very popular. I wrote yesterday that within the next few days I would be writing more about what this program actually is all about and have asked one of our Vice Presidents to list the simple guide to using this program. However, it appears that in the case of your sailing we had a communication breakdown and that is simply not good enough and I sincerely apologize for this. I will be asking one of our CARE team to contact you plus I will make sure that the manager of all our PVP’s read this comment. Normally, I receive nothing but words of praise for the PVP program so I was disappointed to read your concerns but thank you for letting me know so we can make sure we do better.

I hope you had fun and someone will be in touch soon.
Best wishes
John

Emily Asked:
Hi John, Please reply…

My name is Emily and I am 13 yrs. old. I love sailing Carnival cruises. My favorite so far was the Freedom, and I LOOOOOVE James! I was called up on stage when we cruised with James to play little bear. It was a lot of fun. I am cruising on Nov. 23rd. with my family and am bring along my best friend Maria. She has never cruised before. But is super excited. We are sailing on the brand new Carnival Dream !!!! This will be my 9th carnival cruise, and I can’t wait to hit Platinum. My mom Tammy has been on 17 cruises with carnival (you can see I don’t always get to go ;(…I have always boarded VIP status with my mom, and love how we get to get onboard ship a little early and have nice comfy couches to wait to board on. BUUUUUUUUUT we are in an adjoining cabin to my mom, and the Carnival people are saying only “her” cabin can board VIP…IS this true John? I mean we are in adjoining balcony connected with an inside door I sure hope you can fix something to let the four of us board Platinum status. Please fix it Mr. John if you can….

Thanks and jellybean hugs,
Emily from Philadelphia

John Says:
Hello Emily

How kind of you to write to me and thank you for mentioning James Dunn who is your favorite so far. He is very funny isn’t he but he is not as funny or as good looking as me.

You should be very proud that at the age of 13 you have already done 9 cruises and I know you must realize how lucky you are. I just saw this comment and obviously you have already sailed and I am so very sad that I didn’t get a chance to reply until your cruise was over. I just got onboard your Carnival Dream the same day you left and I wanted to apologize that I didn’t reply in time. I hope you all had a wonderful time and I am sure it was a wonderful surprise to see James again.

Please write to me and let me know how much fun you had.
Best wishes to all
John

Cassandra Asked:
Please reply…

I was just wondering if you could ask your breaded tofu eating friends why Carnival doesn’t have a mobile site! I would love to be able to look at and book cruises using my blackberry! A Blackberry App would also be cool! Thank you for all you do and I love reading your blog and hope to sail with you again soon!

John Says:
Hello Cassandra

I am so glad you enjoy the blog thingy and as requested I spoke to someone with a beard who in between hugging a tree and eating tofu on toast told me the following.

“We currently do not have a mobile site. With that said, we have looked into developing a mobile site especially for guests that are booked and I will keep you updated in the weeks ahead as to our progress.”

Thanks Mr. Beardy and I will make sure that I post any further news on this Cassandra.
Best wishes
John

That’s all for today. May I once again kindly apologize for being so behind in answering questions and ask that you allow at least three weeks if you need me to do anything for an upcoming cruise.

So as you know the port of Isla Roatan, Honduras has become one of our most exciting and most popular Caribbean ports of call. Carnival Corporation has spent lots of time and money to make sure that as many of you get to experience this great port and its diverse and stunning scenery and beaches. This is why we have developed the new pier facility called Mahogany Bay which includes the first ever ski lift in the world……………that leads to a beach.

This coming week the Carnival Glory and Carnival Legend will be calling there for the first ever time but the first ship to do so was part of the Carnival Family and she was the Seabourn Legend (followed by the Crown Princess………here are some photos of the ship docked and beautiful Mahogany Bay Isla Roatan.)

Just a quick follow up about the iced tea question which has reappeared again. I saw that Bill Zydecocruiser had mentioned that yes we do charge for the soda style tea served in a can as we do Coke products etc. But the ship made ice tea is still complimentary…….and there is as I have said no plans to change that.

Well, it’s been a while but here is a quick note from Heidi and Kye.

Here we are. This is what we call a lazy Sunday…..

Kye woke up and had a nappy change and a feed and is now playing with her noise making mini lion, one of her favorite toys. The weather is not inviting us to go out and with a busy week ahead we will just take it easy and stay indoors. Until lunch time that is, where we will go to Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma will cook and that is worth facing rain and storm for, as it doesn’t take us long to get there in our polar bear killing machine.

So, I won’t bore you with details on how I am doing as since Kye was born that is not a topic anymore……

To anyone who reads this and is pregnant at the moment, enjoy all the attention as once the baby is there no sod is interested in you anymore Well, apart from your baby that is.

Kye is doing really well. I can’t tell you exactly how much she weighs as we are going to have her weighed again on Wednesday but she is at least 16lb’s. She is 28 weeks and 2 days old and is more active than 10 Energizer Bunnies! She rolls over and back, tries to sit up, wants to stand when she sits on your lap, makes noises galore and eats really well. We started solids now, sweet potato and bananas are her favorite at the moment complimented by bottles, breast and baby rice. Her high chair arrived yesterday and putting that together I thought…..this is going way too fast! (Not the putting it together…..her growing up)

Why can’t they stay like this for 5 years before they move on? Every day she does something else new and her book is full of “The first time I did…”

She is still a very happy and content baby who doesn’t give me any trouble and I hope she will be like that until she is 21. Haha! Dream on Mama!

Talking about Dreams………many of you will join John on your new dream, the Carnival Dream very soon.

For all of you who will sail, have a safe trip traveling to the ship and I wish you a wonderful time but as I have been looking at photos of this amazing new vessel, that won’t be a tough thing to do.

That’s it for me for now.

Kye and I will check in again before Christmas.

Heidi and Kye Xx

Thanks Heidi and I hope at Christmas time we can include a family photo for you all to see.

As I write your Carnival Dream is sailing from New York after a very successful few weeks here. I made an announcement on behalf of everyone at Carnival for their hard work and then at 10:20am Captain Queirolo backed the vessel out of pier 88 and sailed towards the Statue of Liberty. Normally the crew never has time to enjoy this experience as they are working so it was great to see the decks lined with most if not all of the 1,300 crew. I played Andrea Botticelli’s Time to Say Goodbye as we left and his vibrant and emotional tones added so much to this already incomparable experience passing the Statue of Liberty. You can imagine how special this site is for Mr. Ketut the stateroom Steward from Indonesia or Savio the waiter from India or Christina the Russian bar waitress…………to be sailing pass one of the most iconic features in the world ……………..is something that each and every crew member will never ever forget.

It is safe to say that the ship has performed brilliantly during hr stay in New York and let’s face it ……….if we can please 12,000 New Yorkers we can please most anyone. There were some challenges……….of course there were………….put 4,000 guests on a ship and adjustments have to be made as you go along. I know that embarking and disembarking guests from deck 0 was something of a major challenge and that is an area we will have to improve on should we come back to New York with a Dream class ship. I spoke to Ken just now and our Senior Maitre D said that there were one or two areas that they had to change service wise but said that once those changes were made the dining rooms were running smoothly and that guest comments were wonderful as usual.

Todd the Cruise Director is considering having three performances of some of the shows. The main theatre seats 1,500 people and with two sittings that 3,000 people who can see the shows. However with a count of 4000 this means that 1,000 people cannot see them and for the more popular ones such as Dancin in the Street that is a concern. It is a bit strange though because it is close to the same situation on a Conquest class ship. Last week they had 3,500 guests and their lounge seats 1,300. This means that if every seat was taken on a two sitting basis only 2600 could see the shows leaving 900 not able to see them. However, the shows, while well attended and by the way they are great shows……………were not as busy as the ones on your Carnival Dream. I suggested to Todd that maybe with the audience mostly from New York and therefore being “show people “that this may account for why both performances have been extra busy. There is also the fact that the weather outside during the first two nights in and out of New York has not been too good and so people are not outside watching the laser shows and enjoying the big screen movies and features. Anyway, we will have to see what happens when we get down to Port Canaveral and if needed we will go to three shows…………………………..I am though already concerned about when I take over here as Cruise Director, which for sure I will have to show on the big screen live as well.

I am sorry our blog is a little rushed today but I have to spend the afternoon organizing the bloggers cruise events, preparing the capers and meeting department heads etc…………more on that tomorrow. However, I cannot finish today without saying that yet again our super spy PA 007 was correct when he or she said that there would be breaking news today……………because there was…………..and here it is.

New 130,000-Ton Cruise Ship Ordered for Carnival Corporation & plc’s Carnival Cruise Lines

What extraordinary news this is. The economy is still a bit wobbly yet Mr. Arison and the Board Of Directors have given their first new ship order since all that credit crunch stuff started ………….to Carnival Cruise Lines.

However……………they haven’t just given her to Carnival…………….they have given her to you………………..our loyal Carnival guests. So congratulations to each and every one of you…………..because Santa came early this year……………….and gave you a brand new Dream class ship…………….the Carnival Thingy.

Goodnight
Your friend
John

I decided rather than sit in a corner of my cabin, in my underpants, dribbling on myself …..I had better get off the ship. The last time I was in Tampa with the Carnival Legend there was bugger all to do close to the port. That has of course all changed with shops and restaurants within waddling distance………..and so I forced myself to get off the ship and go for lunch…….on my own…….because I have no friends….because I am Billy No Mates.

Solo dining is a lonely pursuit. But like many solo activities, once you get the technique right it has its own quiet rewards.

As you enter the restaurant your body language is vitally important. Gentlemen may choose to adopt a superior sideways tilt of the head that says, “I am a fascinating man of the world. Elsewhere are many, many women who want rumpy pumpy with me but I have told them to bugger off.”

Time plays tricks on the single diner. The gap between ordering and getting your food stretches into centuries. Ideally, you turn to your well-thumbed (if largely unread) Newsweek or Carnival Currents at this point, but more often than not you find your attention focused on a local real estate agent’s magazine which was available at the door and free.

You use these reading materials to shield your blankly staring eyes from the void of loneliness. But as soon as the food arrives you realize how pitifully few minutes it takes to actually eat a meal, without the distraction of conversation or laughter.

If you want to experience what it’s like to be stared at, don’t go to the extreme of auditioning for American Idol or walking down Promenade Deck dressed as vampire. Simply go to a restaurant on your own. I promise you it’s essentially the same feeling. The waitress smiles at you slightly too brightly and laughs at everything you say.

Other diners eye you suspiciously…………younger children may actually point and laugh.

Once I have read how much a three bedroom apartment goes for in Tampa I generally amuse myself with a spot of I Spy……… the couple who are both married to other people ……………. the wedding anniversary meal most likely to end in divorce.

Sometimes, there are people who do things during a meal that drive me crazy. A few weeks ago as you know I was on your Carnival Dream and I had a few dinners with important Carnival executives. One of them truly got on my nerves. Obviously I can’t name him…….yes I will go as far as to say it was a he………and the reason he got under my skin is that he spent the entire meal talking about work……..his work……..trying to impress the people seated with us that were at the top of the Carnival ladder. He did this with the help of a breadstick. Batting the air with a breadstick does not enhance your masculinity mate. Neither does pretending you’re a conductor and waving it in front of an invisible orchestra while you speak. No one should require a breadstick to communicate with authority. I bet he does it with a chopstick as well.

Anyway, there I sat ……..alone………missing my girls reminding myself how lucky I was not to be married to the lady on the table next to me who had ordered a drink that comes with a straw. Why is it that she thinks anyone wants to hear you consume those last few sips. Let them go. Or, order a new drink for God’s sake. There is no man who will find this attractive……….unless she’s looking for someone from France
Oh………I haven’t told you where I am had lunch……………it was (sorry Heidi) HOOTERS …….which is the nearest restaurant to the ship………….is Hooters………which meant I spent most of the meal playing a game of “Real Or Not Real.”

Time for today’s Q and A……….here we go.

Brian Asked:
John – PLEASE REPLY,

In your replies concerning the best night for eating at the steakhouse during the 12/3 Dream sailing (not conflicting w/either CE in MDR), the incorrect itinerary was given. The replies reference the itinerary for a different sailing, San Juan, Nassau, etc. Can you please give your recommendation for the 12/3 sailing? Also, will the Dream offer the future cruise certificates?
Thanks,

John Says:
Hello Brian.

I am sure you saw my post apologizing for my cut and paste skills. Just in case you missed it….here it is again with the nights I would recommend you dine in the steakhouse.
THU PORT CANAVERAL (ORLANDO), FL 4:00 PM
FRI FUN DAY AT SEA – elegant night
SAT FUN DAY AT SEA -
SUN ANTIGUA 09:00 AM 06:00 PM – possible steak house
MON TORTOLA, BVI 07:00 AM 06:00 PM – possible steak house
TUE ST. THOMAS, USVI 07:00 AM 06:00 PM
WED SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO 07:00 AM 03:00 PM – elegant night 2
THU GRAND TURK 11:00 AM 07:00 PM

You also asked if the “Future Cruise Certificates” will be available on your Carnival Dream: As of now they are only selling them onboard the Carnival Liberty, Carnival Valor, Carnival Freedom, Carnival Splendor or Carnival Conquest. Hopefully they will be extended fleetwide soon. There are though plans to add your Carnival Dream to this list and hopefully this will be done by December 3.
Sorry about the earlier mistake.
See you soon and best wishes
John

Stef aka Hockey Addict Asked:
Hi John!!!!
(Please reply if you want too!)

So here it is Monday the 28th of September. It is so hard to believe that we just got off of the Carnival Fascination on Thursday! We had an amazing time again!!! We felt like we were home again sailing on her for the second time. Everything was just as it was. She looks like a brand new ship to me! She is very well taken care of!

I had written to you in hopes to be seated with our buddy Samson in the Dining room. I guess they didn’t get the message in time. But that’s OK… I know things happen! As soon as I got our sign and sail cards I saw we were assigned to the Sensation dining room. I had asked Samson which dining room he was in and he told me the Imagination. I thought maybe they moved him. So we went to see the Maitre D’. Maitre D’ Kaiyoz welcomed us with a warm friendly smile. I told him that he HAD to help us. That we were onboard again to see Samson and we HAD to be seated at his table! He told us to call him “K” and that he would see what he could do for us. He started poking around on his computer. He told us not a problem… that he had an opening available at his table for late seating! I wanted to kiss him! I wonder what he would have done if I did?

We made it into the dining room that night pretty quickly and the head waiters and assistant waiters were lined up against the wall to take people to their tables. DH and I walked past them all looking for Samson. There he was… it was perfect… he was talking to someone on his left so he was looking away from us…. I jumped in front of him and yelled SAMSON! He turned and looked and started screaming… too cool!! I said…. We’re at your table!!! He grabbed my hand and pulled me away towards our table with hubby in tow…. it was awesome!!! We were all giggling like school kids…. he didn’t realize it was the 19th and he said we made his day and he was so happy…. that made me even happier…. it was so good to see him again. He hadn’t changed a bit!

Samson’s assistant was Sueta. Let me tell you, they make a perfect team! Last time we were with Samson he was the assistant waiter. We were so proud of him as the head waiter. He did a really good job. He had both of his tables laughing all night long. On the nights they danced for us, all of the tables were watching our guys dance! They were great!

Our room steward was Winai and his assistant was Edwin… they were very nice, and did a perfect job of taking care of us. I was surprised with some new towel animals. They were adorable. Win said that he likes to make his own creations too.

Ooooo!! Felipe “woohoo” Couto….. He is now my official favorite CD!!! Sorry John, I haven’t sailed with you yet! He had us laughing until we were crying every time we saw him. You had asked before if we would sail for the CD… and now I can answer that if I was torn between 2 cruises and Felipe was the CD on one of them…. I would go with Felipe!

We had a wonderful time…. the only problem…. time went too fast! I wish we could slow the clock down while we are onboard! Wouldn’t that be nice?

I want to make sure that Miami knows that Samson, Sueta, Winai, Edwin, Maitre D’ K, Felipe and Lorraine in the piano bar made another cruise perfect for us. There is no way we will EVER try another cruise line because of them and all of the smiling faces on the Carnival Fascination! You guys are the BEST! Everyone welcomed us home…. and it felt like they really meant it!

OK I know I am going on and on…. I wish I could tell you more but I don’t want to bore the bloggers to tears!

One quick question…. I know you mentioned what your schedule was going to be like for 2010 in one of the blog thingies… but I can’t find it and there isn’t a link on the side for 2010 yet…. could you please tell me again? I am about to have a heart attack…. hubby said we could do a 7 day cruise next year… which he said “no way” to before because he needed a day or two to relax before going back to work. I want to see where you will be and see if it’s possible to sail with you. I also have to wait a bit to see what Samson’s next contract will be for the end of 2010! It would be awesome if I could cruise with both of you!

Thank you again for your blog thingy and all that you do! Also, thank you again for trying to set us up in the dining room.

John Says:
Hello Stef

And I want to start by saying a huge thank you for this amazing review. I did e-mail the Maitre D requesting you dine with Samson but I guess it got through the cracks…….sorry about that. I am glad you got eat there though, he seems quite the star and I will make sure that your words of praise for him as well as Sueta, Winai, Edwin, Maitre D’ K, Felipe and Lorraine reach the right people. I have not had the pleasure of seeing Felipe as CD but you are not the first person to tell me what a brilliant one he is and I am very proud of him.

I did post my schedule for 2010 and here it is again.

JAN 23RD – MARCH 20 – CARNIVAL DREAM
MARCH 21 – MAY 2 – CARNIVAL CONQUEST
MAY 3 – JUNE 6 – CARNIVAL FANTASY
SEPTEMBER 5 – OCTOBER 17TH – CARNIVAL PRIDE

I have not included the 2010 bloggers cruise as we are still discussing this at the moment and will let you know the plans for this soon. If hubby would let you sail with me next year on a seven-day ship……….well…………that would be just brilliant.

Thanks again for that super review and everything we try to convey our crew to be was met and exceeded by the team on the Carnival Fascination.

Best wishes to you and hubby and hope to see you next year
John

Bobby Asked:
Hey John PLEASE REPLY.

I don’t know if you received my first 2 messages but, we booked the Carnival Dream for June 05, 2010. I was wanting to know if there was any way possible that my sister and her kids can come on the ship for a few hours, I know there is a no visitor’s policy but I wish we could take a tour of the ship with my sister and brother in law to help sway them to book with us if not this year next year.

Wanted to know if you can be of any help, we live just 30 min. from the port. I always read the blog and I am a big fan of yours. I hope you will be on there when we go. My sister and the kid’s wishes they can go but they can’t afford the 4 of them yet.

By the way we booked on the spa deck. What special amenities will we get with the room?
Hope to talk to you soon

John Says:
Hello Bobby

Thanks for taking the time to write. First, the not so good news. The current security regulations that Carnival Cruise Lines are following does not permit visitors of sailing guests to board the ship. Hopefully, this may change by the time you sail next year and I will certainly arrange this for you if these protocols are lifted.

Now the great news. Here are the special amenities that come with a Spa Cabin on your Carnival Dream.

Carnival Dream Cloud 9 Spa Special Offerings
Guests in Spa accommodations will have exclusive entry access to the adjacent Cloud 9 Spa facilities and will receive a wide array of special offerings including priority Spa appointments, unlimited use of the Thermal Suite and Thalasotherapy Pool, complimentary fitness classes and upgraded in-stateroom amenities.
Carnival Dream Spa Amenities

Note: Only 1st and 2nd guests in the Spa stateroom will receive the access and amenities; 3rd and 4th guests booked in Spa staterooms and suites are not entitled to spa access and amenities.
Amenities and offerings available to all the Spa accommodations include the following;
• Welcome Reception/Ritual
• Priority spa appointments for reservations made by 6:00pm on Embarkation day (as stated in the Welcome Letter).
• Unlimited access to Thermal Suites:
• Laconium
• Tepidarium
• Oriental Steam Bath
• Aroma Steam Bath
• Unlimited access to Thalassotherapy Pool:
• Detoxify, unwind and revitalize your body in a pool which is gently heated to body temperature.
• Ideal for alleviating arthritic pain, soothing sore muscles and offering relief for sport injuries.
• Two complimentary fitness classes per person (Pilates, Yoga, Tai Chi)
• Spa-branded bathrobes and slippers for use during the cruise
• Cloud 9 Spa Carnival Products in Stateroom:
• Elemis Carnival Shampoo and Conditioner
• Elemis Carnival Sharp Shower Gel and Vitamin Rich Body Lotion
• One hand and one body Elemis Carnival Soap Disk

Wow, that sounds amazing doesn’t it? I know that just reading the above will have you very excited about the cruise and let’s hope we can get your family to see this incomparable vessel as well. Drop me a line a month before you sail.
Best wishes
John

Irene Garner Asked:
Dear John….Please reply
Ooops…I think I hit the wrong button…sorry.

I am thinking of taking a Hawaiian cruise, but after checking the website for the shore excursions offered, I cannot see any beach excursions.

I just got back from a Carribean cruise and I loved the beach excursions. I know there are great beaches in Hawaii as I was there a few years ago. I know it’s early to view all excursions as the earliest cruise I can see is next April, but do you know if there are beach excursions offered on Carnival cruises to Hawaii?
Thanks…Irene (still hooked on cruising)

John Says:
Hello Irene

Just like Alaska, I have never been to Hawaii. I am sure that there must be some beach excursions so I have sent an e-mail request to the shore excursion department to see what we have to offer. As soon as they tell me I will let you know.

Hope you stay hooked on cruising with Carnival.

Best wishes
John

Sharona Asked:
I know you miss “your girls,” but I also feel like you probably love being back on the sea! I wanted to give you a lot of leeway on this because I know you will be buys on-board ship. Can you please help us arrange a Cruise Critic meet and greet for our sailing on the Carnival Glory leaving October 31st? Thank you very much!

John Says:
Hello Sharona

It will be a pleasure to assist you and the Cruise Critic group for your sailing on the Carnival Glory. I will ask the ship to arrange this sometime on the first sea day afternoon and for Ryan to add this to the “today at a glance” section of the Carnival Capers.

Hope you all have a brilliant time.
Best wishes and thanks for the kind words.
John

Marie Asked:
Hello Mr. Heald, I call you Mr. as we have not yet met. So it may be a bit forward of me to use your first name. We were wondering, since you have been on the Wonderful Dream, where might a person and say 50-100 of her new found friends have a Sail Away Party. (I think we have about 65 Cabins booked so far, but not every one will make it to the sail away party) The plan is to meet somewhere (Aft) just after “the Drill”. Can you give us an idea of what aft deck we might presume to take over (have a corner of) My Sister and I are in charge of the Dream Catchers Sail Away Party (Yikes ) on our Cruise Critic Cruise, Feb 20th. We so would love for it to be a special event. If you have any Ideas on this, that would be wonderful, if you think you could Drop in on the Sail Away Party and say hello to this wonderful group of goofs that would be beyond anything I could ask…But as you can see I just did ) So please when you get a moment, drop me an e-mail, stating what you think I might be able to pull off. I know you think it is early, But it is never too early to plan. I have the Dream Feb, The Spirit Sept, and I just started to gather friends to do the Liberty Jan 2011. So far, I only have one cruise under my belt (Spirit Nov 2008) and I don’t want to vacation any other way!

I know you have many requests…I hope this one makes it to your list of things you can do. Mostly the advice on what deck would be best is what I would love to hear about, and I will re request a visit from you at the Sail Away Party in Feb. One other thing, do you know who will be the CD on the Sept, 7 2010 Glacier Bay Cruise on the Spirit? Just wondering…OK now I will go away )

Thank you in advance for you help, and your time. Sincerely Marie Koval, Dream Catcher Cruise Feb 2010

John Says:
Hello Marie
Please……..call me John. I am sitting here at 7:15 am, in my underpants, writing to you so “Mr.” seems a little formal. The Cruise Critic group you are putting together seems like it is growing and there are lots of lounges on your Carnival Dream that will be perfect for a meet and greet. There is a huge conference room that can be dived into three separate areas, the piano bar, the back lounges and many other areas we can use. Please send me a final count in early January and I will make sure the Cruise Director………that’s me ………. takes care of this for you. Let me look at the final count and I will then make sure we give you the best possible location.

The 2010 CD schedule is being finalized and as soon as it is of course I will make sure I post it here on the blog. It seems they you have a lot to look forward to in 2010 and I am glad that I will get to share the ship with you.

Best wishes
John

Brian P Asked:
John (Please Respond Before Oct 18th)

Hi John, I want to thank you for your time on this blog. I can’t even imagine how many messages you get from here in one day. I look forward to reading it everyday and especially reading peoples comments and your responses.

I’m so glad Carnival has started to offer “your choice” dining. That is one thing I prefer about your sister line Princess, as I don’t like having to be at diner at a precise time. I also like that with your choice you can always get a table for two. Now that Carnival offers it I plan on booking future cruises on Carnival. I currently have two cruises booked, one is on the Carnival Legend and the other is on Carnival Valor. Of course on the Legend I have your choice dining, but on the Valor it is not yet offered.

On that note, I wanted to see if you could get my partner and I a table for two on the Valor sailing on Oct 18th. I really would appreciate it as my partner will be celebrating his 39th birthday during the cruise. I already plan on booking the behind the scenes tour as soon as we get on, as I thought that would be a top notch birthday gift.

Thanks for your help,
Brian

John Says:
Hello Brian

I am happy to find that you enjoy a daily read of the blog thingy and as long as there are people like you, I will continue to write and try and help as many people as I possibly can. I hope you read the Anytime Blog I wrote recently in which I featured just why so many people like you love the fact that we now offer Anytime Dining.

I have sent a request to my friend Pablo the Maitre D on the Carnival Valor to see what he can do regarding your table request. Have a brilliant birthday cruise and enjoy the Behind the Fun tour.

Best wishes
John

Ann Marie Scott Asked:
John, (please reply)

Kye is such a beautiful baby girl. Enjoy your time with her.

We will be joining you on Sunday on the Legend and are so excited you will be our CD.This will be my 12th cruise in 4 years and finally will have the honor to meet you.(all on Carnival, of course)!! I will be celebrating my 50th bday, my husbands 51st and our 29th Anniversary. I ordered a cake during early seating on Sunday night. Is there anyway you can have (I hope Yusef) wish my husband a Happy Birthday & Anniversary after dinner. If it is not allowed I understand. I am just proud to have him as my husband and would like to make it special. Is there anything you would like from New York, I would be more than happy to oblige. See you on Sunday!
Ann Marie Scott

John Says:
Hello Ann Marie
Oh bugger – bugger – bugger.

I just read this and you have just disembarked the ship. Did you write me a Dear John letter while you were onboard? I can’t remember, I read and answered so many. I hope you had a wonderful time and I am so very sorry that I got this message after the fact. Bugger, bugger, bugger. Best wishes and a belated happy birthday to you both………..bugger.
John

Tony T. Asked:
Greetings John: (Please respond)

I have just seen on Cruise Critic that CCL has released the Halloween schedule for 2009. I am on the 10/10 sailing of the Freedom and see that we are not included on this list. In previous years, CCL has done Halloween parties for most of the month of October. Why has it been changed this year? We cruise at this time of the year every year and one of the main reasons is to enjoy the Halloween party. We are extremely disappointed in this news as our costumes have already been purchased for this year’s event. (Rather expensive). Please tell me this list that has been posted is incorrect, and we will in-fact have a Halloween party on the 10/10 Freedom sailing. Can we talk Wee Jimmy into it?
You can reply in private if you wish.
One very, very sad Platinum Family.
Tony and Karrie T.

John Says:
Hello Tony and Karrie

Well, I am so sorry but I have no good news for you with regards to Halloween. This year we are celebrating two weeks before the 31st and not the entire month as we have done before. I know you are very disappointed about this and I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you. I will see if a little gift to you from me may bring a smile to your face.
Have a fantastic time

Best wishes to the family
John

Deborah Asked:
Hi John – I have a strange question that maybe one of Carnival’s technical people can answer.
Pam and I will be on the Carnival TA, which is 16 days away from our family. So we wanted to stand by the white chairs behind the swimming pool on the Lido deck and have our families see us through the WEB CAM. How often is the signal updated? I have been watching the Lido deck for the inaugural sailing and I have calculated about a 6 min. between camera changes. Can the tech heads advise how long we should stand by the chairs to get our faces on the Web Cam for our Mom’s to see us?

I know this is a strange question. We really want our Moms to be able to see us and know that we are having a good time!!! I hope someone can give us a good answer!!

I hope your last few days with Heidi and Kye were great. Pretty soon, they will be able to come with you. Safe travels.

All the best,
Deborah (Debs)

John Says:
Hello Deborah

This is something I am surprised more people don’t do as it’s pretty cool. Anyway, I spoke with the Audio Visual Manager Radu who tells me the camera is set to update every 8 minutes. So, bearing in mind the time difference, let your family know what time to look and if you stand there 16 minutes before they should get two great chances to see you waving etc.

I hope you have fun and I will see you in Bermuda
Best wishes
John

Host Mach from Cruise Critic Asked:
Hello, John!!

Oh, I forgot, please respond! The only reason I do that is because I want everyone to see this as I sing the praises of the staff of the Carnival Conquest.

As you know, our Cruisin’ with the Crazies group just returned from a week on board the Conquest. To say that it was a fabulous cruise would be a gross understatement. Everyone was blown away by the wonderful time we had. I didn’t hear one negative comment from any of our nearly 300 members.

First, Kyle Post, our CD was wonderful. He met me shortly after embarkation at our hospitality desk to make sure that everything was going as planned and he kept in contact for the entire cruise. Everyone sang Kyle’s praises. His assistant, Marcello, was equally as important and did a fantastic job of ensuring that the fun never stopped.

The Groups Coordinator did a brilliant job of taking care of our venues for both the Meet & Mingle (there were 156 of us there!!!) and our group cocktail party. Many kudos to her for her efforts.

The wait staff for our section in the Monet dining room were the best I’ve ever witnessed. Iputu, our waiter, and Rolando, his assistant almost instantly became dear to all of us. Wonderful humour (spelled correctly…) amazing service and so much personality that they had to carry about the excess in buckets. The Crazies adopted them. They’re part of our family now. Every evening, after dinner, they would mug for the cameras, chat and simply make us feel at home. These two deserve any bonus, raise, promotion or whatever they can get. They were simple BRILLIANT!

The magician who visited our table on several evenings was astonishing. The close up magic was the best I’ve ever seen. What a worthy addition to the entertainment staff!!!

I could go on and on, and indeed I do in my Cruise Critic review of the sailing, but suffice it to say that at the Meet & Mingle we decided that we have to do it again. Therefore, Cruisin’ With The Crazies Too will sail next September 26 on board the Carnival Conquest. We had people on board asking how they could become Crazies!!

Thank you, John, for your help in getting the few issues that we had taken care of. It meant the world to us.

In my mind, there is no doubt that the ship, the staff and the crew of the Carnival Conquest are the best in the fleet.

Ciao, my friend!

John Says:
Hello Host Mach
Just a quick word to say thanks to you for this great review. It is easy to see why the crew of the Carnival Conquest is constantly rated so highly by guests and why we love sailing out of Galveston. I have made sure that the ship and the Miami office get to see these amazing words of praise. Thanks again for sharing them with us all.

Best wishes to you and Stitch
John

Ben (Homer) Asked:
Hi John, Please reply…

My wife Mary and I are going on the Dream on Dec 3rd. I want to honor Mary, and our 27 years of marriage by singing a song to her named, (When I Said I do by Clint Black… I have been practicing this song intently to get it right. I would like to sing it at the Kareoke Bar or at the main lounge. Does the ship have this song in the que, or can I bring my own on my ipod… Can you make this happen? It would mean a lot to me, and I know it would make Mary happy. We have always cruised on Carnival, and with no one else because Carnival is the best why go any where else. Can you make this happen…?
Thanks… Homer

John Says:
Hello Ben (Homer).

You old romantic stud muffin you. It sounds like you have quite the surprise for your wife and your 27 years of marriage together. I am 99% certain we have the song and have e–mailed Mouna, your Carnival Dream Karaoke Host, to see if we have this song. I am sure we can make this happen and unless you hear from me otherwise consider it so.

Best wishes and keep practicing.
John

Kathy M. Asked:
Hi John,
Please Reply,

I was just on Cruise Critic and some are wondering why the Carnival Splendor is leaving the port in Cabo San Lucas at 3:00PM. When the Carnival Pride was there we left around 7:00PM because I remember the Sunset, it was beautiful. So would mind asking some that wear the beards why the ship is leaving so early in the afternoon now. It really does not give the passengers much time in Cabo.

John Says:
Hello Ben

That’s a great question. The people with beards tell me that the Spirit-class is a much faster ship than the Splendor class. However, I don’t think the Carnival Pride ever left Cabo at 7 pm. My records show that it was a 7 am arrival and a 4 pm departure……one hour different to the Carnival Splendor. However, there was a 10 pm departure for Puerta Vallarta …….but not Cabo San Lucas.

I hope this clears that up and if you have a follow up mate please let me know.
Best wishes
John

Lisa Asked:
John PLEASE REPLY

It seems you have boarded the Carnival Leg End in time for the Goth Cruise on October 11 2009. Coincidence? Or are you secretly practicing in black underpants to dance The Time Warp with us? Be sure to program it into your Kye Pod (as they should all be called), and perhaps I’ll see you at the Rocky Horror Picture Show screening onboard.

John Says:
Hello Lisa

Are you a Goth? I hope so because honestly………..I haven’t a bloody (pardon the vampire joke) what one is or what one has to do to be one. I do know that you and your group are here and I will do my best to make sure you have a bloody good time. See you soon and I am off now to eat a clove or 10 of garlic.

Best wishes
John

Michelle (Please Reply) Asked:
I have a simple question. Are the doors on the Dream made of Metal so magnets will stick to them?

John Says:
Hello Michelle

Yes indeed, metal doors are waiting for you on your Carnival Dream. Have a magnetic cruise.

Best wishes
John

Chris Asked:
John – Please reply,

I plan to purchase a Behind the Fun tour for my parents when we cruise on the Dream on 12/3. Is the tour always held on the last day or do you know which day it will be held on our sailing? THANKS

John Says:
Hello Chris

The Behind the Fun Tour went really well yesterday here on the Carnival Legend and it was my first time actually seeing it. It got rave reviews from the guests I spoke to. The tour is already underway on your Carnival Dream and I know it will be available when you sail with us on December 3rd. However, at the moment I am not sure what day Todd intends to schedule it for. If the last day of the cruise is a sea day then usually it is held then. However, we have a port day as our last day so I will ask Todd what his intentions are and let you know. It is something I highly recommend.

Best wishes
John

Kathy M. Asked:
Hi John,
Please Reply,

Concerning your cigars, can you put in a claim for them; it would seem that you should be able to.
You asked me to let you know of the dates that I would like to sail on the Carnival Spirit with you and I have chosen either Oct 27, 2010 or November 28, 2010. Please let me know if you will be on board either of these dates.

I have also put in a tracer on the gift that I sent to Kye, but they said it will take a couple of weeks since it went overseas, so I will let you know when I hear something. I did insure it, so if it is lost, I will get her another one.

Give my love to Heidi and Kye.
Your #1 bloggy thinggy fan
Kathy M.

John Says:
Hello Kathy M

I will be on the Carnival Spirit for both those voyages. At least, that is the plan but as you may have seen my schedule is never 100% definite. However, it is my full intention to be on the Carnival Spirit and I hope I can see you there and say a personal thank you for the beautiful gift you have sent Kye.

Best wishes to you and the family
John

Jeanette Asked:
John, I hope the message about getting back to Miguel (Black Pearl restaurant Maitre’d) and reminding him my email inbox is waiting for an email from him with attached photos….
Jeanette Raichel

Yes, I am serious, he said he would and, I want to hear from that dear sweet man, and his protege on the Liberty *BG*

Thanks John and the champagne was damn good….

John Says:
Hello Jeanette

I did indeed send the message to Miguel and I am sure by now he has written to you. Please let me know if you need anything else.

Best wishes
John

That’s all for today. I am up to questions posted on September 30 now which means I am only 12 days behind…………12 days…………bugger.

Debarkation was very smooth today with close to 900 opting for the self assist program. We started at 7:20 am and were done by 9:15 am. I have to say………..and I do so with respect………..that the officials here in Tampa are considerably more understanding than some of their colleagues down in South Florida.

Let’s do the news.

And we start with something for the Canadians. You know, when Heidi and I look back on the many places we have visited we always have very fond memories of our time on the Carnival Triumph and our visits to Nova Scotia. I think I told you about that when I was chatting about my love of lobster a few blogs ago and I think I may have mentioned the amazing greeting the ship always received from the locals. Well, it seems that tradition of wonderful welcomes has continued because here is a link thingy about lobster ice cream……yes ice cream………..and some spectacular photos of the Queen Victoria ………. oh and people from Maine may want to read this to. Here is Alistair – Entertainment Director of the Queen Victoria …………lucky sod.

http://wearecunard.com/

The Carnival Virtual Book Of Dreams contest was very popular and now the votes have been counted and there is one very excited winner……..here’s Vance to tell you all about her.

Eight-Year-Old from Egg Harbor Township, N.J., Winner of Carnival’s Virtual Book of Dreams Contest

Congratulations to Hailee who I look forward to seeing on board her Carnival Dream.

Just before we start on this week, here are a few letters from last week including one with a job offer for our President, Gerry “the slide” Cahill.

And now, here is the news about voyage LE7101109

GUEST COUNT 2,251
NON U.S. AND CANADIAN GUESTS
81 BRITISH
23 MEXICAN
11 PERUVIAN
KID COUNT
AGE GROUP TOTALS
Under 2 Years 9
2-5 Years 31
6-8 Years 41
9-11 Years 53
12-14 Years 51
15-17 Years 49
18-20 Years 36

And of course we have the 155 Vampires………sorry…….Goths………that’s the last time I will make fun of them………..OK, that’s bollocks……….but I must say so far they seem very nice creatures of the dead………sorry…………people. They certainly won’t be seeing much of the sun as they have private events every night starting at midnight until sunrise, when they run back to their cabins and hang upside down from the closet door until the sun goes down. There will be more about them later.

Let’s take a break and turn things over to Heidi.

Hello everybody.
First of all, thank you for your understanding of us not posting any more photos of our little girl.

I know John mentioned me getting a “telling off “for taking a photo of Kye’s first time in the pool.

At least I snapped one before the lifeguard had time to get down from his umpire chair

I then put the camera with the towel on the side of the pool and was told that it had to go in the locker in the changing room; it was not supposed to be in the pool area…….what has the world come to?

Well, here we are, the leaves are changing colour, it’s getting colder and Kye needs more layers.

In a few days she will be 5 months old. Everybody who has children tells me to enjoy every minute as “they grow up so fast”

And it is so true. She is rolling over and lifts her head up and looks up with that cheeky little face as if to say: ” Look at me, aren’t I clever?” Yes, she is, she is the cleverest (is that a word), the prettiest and the best baby in the world because she is ours. Nothing can prepare you for the sleepless nights, the tiredness and the amount of washing but at the same time………I wish they can bottle the feeling you get when you wake up and see that smiling face next to you. I would give everybody who is sad and unhappy a bottle and cheer them up for life!

I started giving Kye some Baby Rice late afternoons as she is a hungry little thingy. She has gone from waking up a few times during the night to only waking up once. She now sleeps in her “big” bed and she looks sooo small in there but she can stretch her arms out and have a lot more space.

We swim regularly with other mums and their babies and we started something called Baby Sensory. For anyone out there with a little one, I highly recommend it. It won many awards and Kye loves it. I am sure they do it in the US as a lot of the songs and rhymes are American (lucky for me as I am more familiar with them after working for Camp Carnival than with the British ones). They also teach you basic sign language which I find very interesting and always wanted to learn.

Take a look at the British based website but I am sure there is an American one.

www.babysensory.com

I have to say, being a mum is fun and I sometimes feel guilty that I am not working……this is the best job in the world and between the cappuccino’s, the lunches, the walks, the swims etc. there is little time left for anything else.

Yesterday we went to a wedding of friends of ours. Beverley used to be a Dance Captain and her now husband Pierluigi is a (very handsome, sorry John) Staff Captain who will return to the Valor at the end of the month so anyone sailing on the Carnival Valor in November, you can congratulate him on getting married. Kye looked gorgeous in her little pink and cream outfit, wearing Baby Dior shoes……well, she had them on her feet for about 10 minutes and half an hour later the socks came off too. She is like her Daddy, never cold and pushes every blanket I cover her with off in seconds.

She loved all the attention and sat with Christopher Alan Graves (who many of you know from his beautiful voice on board the ships) while I was having my dinner. Our other table mates were Haste and Karen and their beautiful daughters Lily and Rose. I am sure some of you will remember Haste and Karen, they were a Cruise Director / Assistant couple like John and myself. It was so nice to catch up and had lots to talk about. Through it all, Kye napped, smiled and was her usual happy self.

This weekend we will spend some time with Suedrip (John’s sister) as she is over from Hong Kong for a few days and of course we are going for lunch at John’s mum and Dad on Sunday afternoon as that has become sort of a tradition. (A very tasty one as John’s mum is a great cook!)

Well, that was a little update from our busy life. Missing John is not getting any easier to say the least but we are looking forward to our first Christmas together as a family, which sounds pretty good!

Thank you for everything you write and send us and for your wonderful friendship.
Heidi & Kye

You know, we were both so disappointed that we had to stop posting photos of Kye. I really want to explain more but I can’t as the place where her photos were placed on a website belonging to a famous company who were in search for child models. They had received the photos and placed them on their website without our permission. Luckily the person who did this gave the organizers my name and the blog and e-mail addresses.

They contacted me and you can imagine my shock. Now, I know that it was probably someone reading this now and that your intentions were good but………well……….you can imagine how upset we both were and where our minds went after that. Anyway……….just thought I should explain what happened.

Let’s move on and have a look at a photo taken by a blogger (Joe Stone) in Miami ……….it shows the Carnival ……..ummmm……….I think the Carnival Destiny……….sailing past the Miami skyline.

This got me thinking. What’s your favorite photo of a Carnival or Carnival Corporation ship? Please send us yours and we will post them here on the blog thingy………or at least I think we can………….Stephanie – can we do this?

Hello Bloggers. Of Course we can. Send an email titled Ship Photo to socialnetworking@carnival.com with the photo attached and I will take it from there.

Well, the welcome aboard show was very interesting indeed and I will be sharing photos and some character stories with you tomorrow. It’s now 12:45am and time for bed. It’s been a long day of debarkation, dining alone, meetings, announcements, paper work, blogging shows and trying to avoid being bitten in the neck by a vampire.

One last thing from last week. A guest stopped me to say what a great cruise it was and I knew there was going to be a but ……..and there was……….he said “When are you going to get a decent news station like Fox and dump the Communist News Network.” It took me a moment to realize he was talking about CNN……a station he seemed to have bugger all nice things to say about.

I told him I would pass his thoughts on but I think I am right in saying that with the package of TV network channels Carnival exclusively provides our guests, the only news station that we currently air here on Carnival Legend is Stalin’s favourite…….CNN International.

Anyway, I was thinking about this as I sit here now, in my underpants, ready to say goodnight. That’s because CNN are now playing a story about drunken pilots. One pilot had poured vodka into his Starbucks coffee cup. Another had to be driven to the airport because he wasn’t sober enough to drive on his own. How is it that my hemorrhoid cream gets confiscated but the person flying the bloody plane can get through as intoxicated as vampire who has bitten Paris Hilton’s neck.

I changed channels and found E Entertainment thingy. Halle Berry was revealing that at one point, she thought about suicide…….I’m wondering what the thought was that entered her head that stopped her. Maybe it was………….. What am I doing? I’m rich………I’m hot……….and Carnival’s Senior Cruise Director wants to have rumpy pumpy with me.

I turned the TV off and thought about the Goth group………..and I remembered I needed to do something before I went to bed…………..back in a minute…….got to put something on the cabin door.

Vampire my arse.

Goodnight
Your Fiend
John

And that’s a shame because it would be just perfect for me if Heidi and I could talk via video phone and I could look at Kye and Kye could look at me going “fluba luba poo poo nicky nacky noo noo” ………….yes……….I now speak fluent baby.

Skype though is brilliant and Heidi and her Mum use it all the time to chat which makes me happy because…………….it costs bugger all.

I would dearly have loved to have been in the bank manager’s office when the inventors strolled in and asked for a loan to get their idea off the ground.

“Yes. Our idea is that you download a program from the internet, which costs customers nothing, and then they can make completely free video phone calls to anywhere in the entire world. How brilliant is that?!!!”

Right. So it doesn’t cost anything to buy. And the calls cost nothing either. I bet the bank manager exploded from laughing so much.

But I bet he’s not laughing now because Skype was sold to eBay in 2005, netting the inventors $8.2 million. I still don’t understand how it makes money but I do know it’s brilliant.

I have it on my computer now – under a false name – and sometimes, just for the hell of it, I ring up people in Paris just to laugh at them for living in Paris…….I hold my nose and say “Bonjour Madame Stinky”…………and hang up…………..brilliant.

And here’s the really good bit. You can have a conference call. This means you could have a dinner party, for all your closest friends. And not bother cooking anything. Or even inviting them.

The only drawback is the video bit. The idea that you can see the person you’re talking to.

This worked fine on Mission Impossible but when you are being watched, it is very difficult to lie. On a normal phone, it’s very easy to say you are working hard. You only need to get your voice right. But when you have to get your face right as well, that’s tricky. Especially when the caller can see that, actually, you are sitting at your lap top dancer computer in your underpants ……………I suppose the only good thing about video calling is Skype rumpy pumpy!

I am very surprised that Carnival has not adopted Skype to Skype calls yet. You know, every Carnival executive I speak to tells me that they have 300 e-mails in their in box thingies and if they are not e-mailing each other they are in meetings. Using Skype would mean they wouldn’t have to leave their desks, talk to each other answer emails and do so…in their underpants because nobody would ever know.

There is no getting away from the fact that the calls, Skype to Skype at least, cost nothing and if the people with beards could get this to work on the ships………….it would be absolutely brilliant.

Time for today’s Q and A………………away we go.

JAS1178 Asked:
John (PLEASE REPLY)
I just wanted to personally thank you for helping me with a pretty bad situation from our last cruise.

Carnival responded, and resolved the issue.
Thank you again for being willing to help. We are looking forward to seeing you on the Carnival Legend in just a few short weeks. It will be an honour (spelt correct) to meet you personally on our favorite ship in the fleet.

Speaking of Legend. So many of us LOVE the Spirit Class Ships. We are hearing that Costa has improved on the Spirit Class Design with the NEW Costa Luminosa. My question is will the folks with beards that read this blog see the light, and introduce an update to the hugely popular SPIRIT CLASS? Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to a Carnival Dream or Carnival Magic cruise, but would LOVE to see Mr. Farcus have his way with this new class for a CARNIVAL Ship. Am I just dreaming?

By the way, Kye is getting cuter as the days go by. My 7th month old son enjoys reading your blog, just for the Kye pictures…so keep them up!

Please don’t let complainers ruin the wonderful thing you have created here on this blog. Thanks again from a lurker…from the beginning.

John Says:
Hello JAS1178
I can tell you that I am truly looking forward to seeing the Carnival Legend. It has been 7 years since I was onboard her or any Spirit class ship for that matter. It’s understandable why you and so many other people think that this class is the best we ever produced. Certainly, having seen the Costa Luminosa for myself I can confirm that Costa did a spectacular job with her and Joe Farcus’s interior designs were simply epic. Will Carnival Corporation ever order another Spirit class ship for Carnival Cruise Lines……well the answer is I don’t know. But never say never ……………….certainly not in this industry.

The future was a little murky what with us all munching on credit crunch for breakfast every morning. But it looks like there is now light on the horizon and that means that the possibilities of what you may say at Carnival Cruise Lines are endless. I am glad I could help resolve your situation and thanks for all the words of support and there will be more photos of Kye later today.

Best wishes to you and your family
John

Mike and Janette Asked:
Hi John,
PLEASE REPLY
We are leaving in 4 hours to get on the Carnival Inspiration here in Tampa. I was wondering if you would be able to get my wife and me a table for two, at a window, with a waiter who will remember our names, make sure the captain comes by to say hello, have a bottle of champagne ready for us since we had to stand in line for 10 minutes to get onboard. Thanks. Oh by the way it’s my wife’s birthday so could you arrange for some free gifts, decorations and food in the cabin? I know it’s only a five day cruise, but could you make sure that the sun is always shining and that there be no tropical storms or I swear I will raise holy heck at the guest service desk. Please make sure there are no kids running around. They should be in school, shouldn’t they? I would appreciate the comedians having a politically correct show with no foul language regardless of the time, and for the dancers please make sure their bottoms are covered. We have been married now for almost 7 years so I was hoping that you might be able to arrange for us to be on the Newlywed Game Show. I need a ship on a stick and a pin for a souvenir. Well that should do it. I thank you.
JUST KIDDING except for we really are getting on a cruise in 4 hours. BON VOYAGE.
See ya in December on the Carnival Dream
Mike & Janette

John Says:
Hello Mike and Janette

By the time you read this you will probably be back home which shows how desperately behind I am with my blog answers. I would have done all you asked by the way plus moved the ship to the left. I hope you had a great time and the next time you sail please let me know and this time I will try and do at least one or two things to make your cruise even more special.

Best wishes to you both and hope you had the best cruise vacation ever.
John

Susan Asked:
Hi John (PLEASE REPLY)
Susan from the West Midlands here. It has been a while since I sent a comment but I still enjoy reading your blog. Welcome back to England – thanks for bringing the remnants of Hurricane Bill with you earlier this week. Hopefully all the rain is now gone and we will have a good Bank Holiday Weekend.

I noticed all the comments recently on your blog about the Carnival Pins. I have collected a few of these over the years but am more interested in collecting the pictures that are given out by the waiters on the last night of dinner. I have a collection of 10 different pictures now. (I think I have all but two ships I have sailed on) I have them displayed at home and it is great to look at each different picture and remember all the different Carnival cruises I have taken. One waiter also suggested laminating the pictures and using them as place mats. It makes an interesting talking point at dinner parties. Does Carnival still give these out?

I am off on the Grand Princess next weekend sailing from Southampton to Rome. Initially we had planned to do this route on the Carnival Freedom before she was pulled from Europe but like you are keeping my fingers crossed that Carnival return to Europe soon.
Love to Heidi and Kye
Susan

John Says:
Hello Susan

I am so glad you still read the blog and sorry for the rain I brought home with me. At least the rain was followed by sunshine and it made me miss air conditioning that I take for granted when I am on a ship and in North America. The place settings we used to give out were very popular and as you will see from the word “used” you will see that this is something we no longer do. I am not sure as to why we stopped doing this but I am sure it was a cost effective decision but maybe not a popular one. I did manage to get the pins back for the Platinum guests and have them available for everyone else for purchase from the onboard shops……..which is a step in the right direction. I am sure you are going to have a brilliant time on the Grand Princess. I love that class of ship and of course I am a huge fan of the Princess brand. Please give the Cruise Director my kind regards and like you, I truly hope that Carnival will return to Europe in 2011.

Best wishes to you and the family
John

Wanda Asked:
John, please respond:
Horrible dream last night! This week we booked the Legend for Oct. 11. When we boarded we found that you were not there. Horrors! Please, don’t tell me that the schedule can change. You took a picture with my cousin and me in Dallas, Texas when the big beach ball commercial was being filmed. We treasure it. We’re booked on two Holland America cruises now, but we just can’t stay away from Carnival! This Legend cruise will make me Platinum.

John Says:
Hello Wanda
The fact that you are dreaming about me means that you need immediate medical help, maybe therapy or hypnosis. Meanwhile I can assure you that I have no plans to change my schedule and I will therefore see you on the Carnival Legend in October where the dream……………..will become a nightmare………..especially if you see me in my underpants.
See you on your Platinum cruise
Best wishes
John

Lisa Asked:
HI!
John, can you respond please?
OOOHH!!!
Loving the pictures above of the lounge with all of the Remington artwork and sculptures! Where is the lounge located and what is it called?
Thanks!
Lisa

John Says:
Hello Lisa

The lounge you are referring to will be located on the port side of deck 4 forward just outside the forward dining room. It will be used for pre dinner drinks and possibly after dinner cigars ………. we are waiting to have that confirmed. Best wishes and let me know if you have any other questions
John

April Z Asked:
Hi John! (Please reply),
My Great-Grandmother sailed the Holiday in 1987, it was her favorite vacation of all time. She still talks about how much fun she had with her sisters on the ship. In fact, one of the few personal items she took from her apartment to her nursing home was the golden ship on a stick, which she proudly displays on a shelf near her bed.
We are sailing on the Holiday in October and I would love to be able to get one of my own to take back and show her the Holiday ship on a stick from 2009. Can you tell me if this is possible? I know that generally the ship on a stick comes from winning a contest, but the odds of winning are low. Can you purchase them?
Thank you so much, you are such a good man to all your readers!
April Z.

John Says:
Hello April

Bloody hell I am so old. Your Great Grandmother sailed on the Carnival Holiday the same year I started with Carnival. I could have been there with her as a bar waiter bringing her a pina colada ……. even though she probably asked for a martini……….because I really was a dreadful bar waiter. April, it would be an honour to send her another trophy so please make sure you send me an immediate reply marked for my response and include the sailing date, name and cabin number please and one will be sent to your state room.

Please send your Great Grandmother my warmest regards.
Best wishes
John

Shawn Asked:
John (Please Reply)
Hello, this is my first time posting! I just completed a four day cruise aboard the second best rated ship the Imagination (my first cruise)! I traveled with a friend and had a fantastic time. We got to the ship very early, around 1030a and check-in was a breeze, we were onboard by around 1130a. The ship was in great shape for its age and crew was very friendly, always saying hello. Once to our room we met our wonderful room steward, Rommy/ Rommie, I forgot the correct spelling. She was so great! But wouldn’t that make her a room stewardess? Every evening we had a towel animal greeting us. I am very glad I got a photo with her. Is there anyway I could send her a copy and a nice letter? I know every crew member is away from home for months, I would like to make her smile.

Karl with a K was our cruise director and was a blast along with Assistant director George with his wild white framed glasses. The food was great; I will be working it off for some time. Entertainment was amazing, I enjoyed every minute of it. All in all I had a great time and am looking at the Destiny for January.

A couple questions. I noticed on the top deck of the Imagination atrium that there are private cabins with large windows. Our those the captain and cruise director rooms? They look very nice and homey.

I was trilled to see the Holiday in Mexico, where will this ship be heading after its last cruise?
Thanks so much!

ps- I am not a drinker or a party guy (weird, I am 21 yrs old) and I can say to those who say it, Carnival has Fun Ships, not Party Ships. I never say one drunk person acting out. Bugger off HugeArsh of the Seas!
Partyer

John Says:
Shawn
What wonderful words and the ones that jump of the page are when you wrote “Carnival has Fun Ships, not party ships.”……….brilliant and believe it or not we are still fighting to prove this fact to some in the travel industry……….but it’s a fight we are definitely winning.

I was glad to hear that the crew treated you so well and your comments for Rommie were just fantastic. I will be sending your comments to the Hotel Director and asking him to send you an e- mail with the ship’s address so that Rommie can indeed receive the photo and the letter of commendation you wrote can be placed on her employee file.

The cabins you refer to are on Deck 9 forward of the Fantasy class and are indeed ones belonging to the Captain and Senior Officers. Heidi and I got engaged on that ship in that cabin and as for the desk……..well……….let’s just say that it must be made of oak………very strong oak.

The Carnival Holiday will be leaving us in a few weeks time and will be heading to our sister company Iberocruises to join another recently departed Carnival ship the Celebration. So, one quick question for you. You said that the Carnival Imagination was the number two rated ship. What is the first? Just curious.

I am so glad you had fun and hope you will join us for another Carnival fun cruise very soon.
Best wishes
John

SemperFi Asked:
John, (please reply when you have the time)
Hello…sorry I have been away so long but I had a few medical issues however I am now all better and back to 100%.

I was spending the day catching up on all the Blogs that I missed and found my self getting a little aggravated, so I decided that while you have to be politically correct I DONT
Was good to see ya back on the Carnival Freedom and back doing what you are the best at…being a cruise director.

While your roll as Brand ambassador is important you primary roll as a cruise director is even more important not only in my eyes but also the eyes of a whole lot of folks who have had the pleasure to sail with you.
What aggravated me was some of the negative comments that I have been reading as of late.

While I certainly do believe in freedom of speech, to use that freedom to be vindictive or intentionally hurtful to some one, especially one who bends over backward to help anyone who asks, is what has me aggravated.

These folks are just plain mean and hurtful. Here you are away from your family doing a super job making sure that other families have a great vacation while they sit back on their fat rumps and fire off spiteful notes is disgusting to me and I for one won’t stand by while one of my friends is being attacked, and do nothing.

while I understand that by writing this I may just be doing what they want, I feel that it needs to be said at least to you so you will remember that there are by far a lot more of use that appreciate what you do each day then of the hurtful IDIOTS.

John, I am sorry but these narrow minded Bastards just get my blood boiling, and I know that you are too nice of a person to say it but if they don’t like what you say in the blog then they can’t use your term” “BUGGER OFF” or to use my term would cause you or Stephanie to have to censor me, but my question to them would be …do the letters KMA mean anything to you at all????

You just remember that there are literally 50,000 folks who enjoy what you do each and every week plus the 3000 or so who get to partake of your musings live when they are sailing with you.

Enough said on that topic and I feel better now.
On the topic of Heidi and Kye I was just looking at the pictures of Dad and Daughter and you can see the pride all over your face. (Thank God she took after Heidi and won’t grow up being and ugly sod like her dad)
Can’t wait to actually see you on the crossing of the Carnival Dream. Cindy and I have come up with some Brilliant ideas that we want to run by you to drive poor Todd Crazy for the 16 days lol (i hope he dont read this lol)

In any case my friend, Please continue to do what you do as there are a lot of us who turn to the blog daily to brighten our days.
Your Friend and Cohort in crime
Bill
Its not necessary to publish this if you decide not to I just want you to know how I feel.

John Says:
Hello Bill
Please allow me to start by saying I hope you are feeling better following your medical concerns. I wish you nothing but wonderful health for the future. How wonderful of you to take the time to write and support me. I must be honest that there were a couple of days when I did get very down on myself when it was suggested that I was making people angry by helping them with table assignments etc. I guess I couldn’t understand why ……….and still can’t. Still, as you said, there are many thousands of people who appreciate what I do and providing I am asked in a reasonably courteous manner, I have no problem trying to do what they ask of me.

And when I read posts like yours and so many others I know the early mornings and late nights me and my underpants endure are not in vain.

Please stay well and welcome back to the blog thingy SemperFi.
John

Karen Kutter Asked:
John please reply

I am back from a sensational cruise on the Sensation. The food, shows and service were great and Wayan our waiter was the best we have had on all our cruises.

I do have two questions. Has there been any thought of putting the Supper Clubs on the Fantasy class, I really missed this feature on the Sensation. Also, as we were leaving our cabin we saw ship security emptying a passenger’s suitcase and removing some towels and other items which bizarrely looked like toilet paper and a remote control for the TV. Is this usual?

Keep up the great work
Karen

John Says:
Hello Karen

Great to hear you had such a wonderful time on the Carnival Sensation. I am sure many would appreciate the addition of a steakhouse (the new branded name for the supper clubs) on the Fantasy class but unfortunately space does not allow it. Did you try the Mongolian Wok by the way, I simply love that? Wayan will see your words of praise and I am sure he will be thrilled to do so.

Now, as to the guest taking the towels………..well, let me do some research and I will answer that part of your question late on in today’s blog.

Welcome home and best wishes to all.
John

Juan & Maria Santana Asked:
John, please reply…
Juan’s still waiting for a reply to the one he sent you about 3 wks. Ago, but it seems that either it got lost on cyber space…. it never showed up under “Comments” so we believe that your “Stephanies” never got it, or it may still be stuck somewhere! He was saying, among other things, how irreverent & funny you are & that you should be CD on more Carnival cruises instead of doing “Miami Office work” so you could justify the $1 Million salary Carnival pays you! Ho, Ho, Ho! How do you like that! Juan has a lot of nerve! I already told him that a couple of days ago you already said that the 2010 CD schedule would be ready the coming weeks. Hurrah!!!

Well, now here is my question: About a week or so ago you were replying to us re Weee Jimmy being the CD on our Nov.21/09 Freedom cruise…. then you said that in a moment you were going to talk to us more about him…. We kept watching the blogs for it but you never said anything else about him, although you have been showing pictures & information about different CD’s. Is he coming up soon on that very same list? He sounds like lot of fun and we are looking forward to meet him.

A reminder: What’s happening about the possibility of Carnival crediting cruises of 2 + days as 2 instead of one? A month or so ago you said that Carnival executives were discussing the matter and possibility of changing the current policy. Have you heard anything new about it?
We have been away in Daytona Beach, Orlando and Vegas, that’s why you haven’t heard from us as much as usual…. but that doesn’t mean we don’t keep reading your blogs, etc… we always take our laptop to keep up with everything.

About what you recently commented re American Airlines and their onboard service or lack of it…. You are 100% right. We have been flying with them more than 18 yrs. and it is going from bad to worse. In fact, I’m pretty mad. The only reason we stayed with them is because we travel a lot, we have their Citibank/ AAdvantage credit cards and we get a lot of miles when using them and, of course, when we fly with them too. Their domestic policy about charging $15 for the 1st. checked bag, $25 for the 2nd, and so on, is terrible. On 9/15 or so, they are also going to charge for checked bags on the transatlantic flights…. We read it on the paper & heard it on the news, but when we were talking on the phone yesterday and asked about it , she said that there was nothing about it…. yet….. Well, the funny thing is that Juan & I have not received a communication from them (e-mail or regular letter) announcing that policy change. Would you believe that on their 5 hour flight to Vegas from Miami and 4 hour flight Miami to Vegas they don’t serve any kind of snack? They only serve soft drinks, coffee, juices & water. If you dare to ask for a can of beer or a tiny wine bottle that would costs $6, a cookie $3, small turkey wrap $6, and most recently an Italian sandwich I believe $10-12…. I can’t remember exactly. What a rip-off! Do you know that when oil prices went up long time ago the airlines imposed a fuel surcharge on their tickets & when it went down they never reduced the air fares? Months ago the cruise lines discontinued charging the fuel surcharge although they left “open” the possibility of imposing the fee again if the oil prices climb again. Well, sorry for dumping on you my gripes, but after reading your “flight experience” going home I just couldn’t resist sharing our discontent with the airline.

Kisses to Kye & Heidi and warmest regards to you!
The Santanas of Miami Beach

John Says:
Hello Juan and Maria
My apologies for the time it has taken to reply to this post which didn’t get lost in cyber space but did end up in the huge pile of questions that are awaiting my response. It appears that I am three weeks behind now. Triple bugger.

I hope you saw my schedule for 2010 and you will have noted that I will be on your Carnival Dream, Carnival Conquest, Carnival Fantasy, Carnival Pride and possibly Carnival Spirit. Hopefully this will mean that we are able to sail together again next year.

I know you will love Wee Jimmy your Cruise Director in November. I will be featuring his bio next week as I continue the interviews with the CD’s. He is doing a great job on the Carnival Freedom and I know that you will love his sense of humour. Plus, he awards any guest who manages to take a photo “up his kilt” with a wonderful prize…………so go on and have a go.

I have not followed up on the 2 + 2 topic you mentioned but for sure I will and I will advise you as soon as hear anything.

You know my feelings on the airlines and I think while the cruise industry continue to improve their quality of service and the value for money they provide, the airlines are way, way behind…….and for the money we pay that $6 bag of peanuts should be a bag of lobsters.

Hope you had fun on your travels and I can not stop saying thanks for Kye’s beautiful dress.

Best wishes to you both
John

Denis Asked:
John Please reply…
My wife and I will be on the dream for Halloween, do you know if there is a special night with costume.
Thanks
Denis

John Says:
Hello Denis

Yes indeed. Even though your Carnival Dream will be on her trans-Atlantic voyage the celebration of Halloween will be in full swing so if your luggage allows it, please bring a costume. It will be a fun night for sure.

Best wishes
John

That’s all for today. I will be answering as many as I can over the weekend for posting on Monday’s blog. Thanks again to all of you for writing in.

Next week we have many more Cruise Director interviews, including Kirk Benning, Tory Secoy, Ryan Fitzgerald, James Charlton, Risa Barnes, Dan Gataluci, wee Jimmy and many more. Today though we are going to feature an Assistant Cruise Director and blog friend Jaime and a much belated Dear John Letter

Dear John,

In an attempt to dispel the rumors that the Senior Cruise Director’s former Assistant Cruise Director had fallen into the abyss of the deep dark ocean and mysteriously disappeared… I decided it was finally time to write a Dear John letter confirming my existence… That and I truly miss writing letters I had just been very busy while on the Carnival Freedom, and then in my any spare time I may or may not have had I was locked in my cabin with no electricity.

As of now, I offer confirmation that I am living, breathing, smiling and greatly enjoying my vacation time. For the past 14 months I had been going non- stop going from ship to ship, and finally I decided it was a good idea to take a few weeks off. I couldn’t be happier! You will never guess what I have chosen to do in my first few weeks of freedom…. The vacation options were endless… I could go to Maccu Piccu like I had so desperately wanted during our South American itinerary, I had the option of visiting family and friends in California and Michigan and filling them in on all of my adventures at sea. However, rather that taking part in either of those incredible vacation options, I opted to start my vacation with what I truly wanted to do: sail on the Carnival Pride as a guest. Crazy…. I know, but I think I may be addicted to the ship itself, or maybe someone on the ship! That and I cannot afford an army of servants to rock my mattress back and forth as I attempt to sleep on land.

I had an absolutely wonderful time working with John on the Freedom. I am most certainly having withdrawals, because I am still noticing guests that would be perfect for his Bedtime Story. I was so fortunate working with John because it led me to the unique opportunity to learn all about the inner workings of the entire cruising industry. I now know how having a positive and solution oriented team can truly affect ones sanity while working on board. Most importantly I had first hand exposure to the unfortunate issues John constantly faces due to his overactive flatulence.

September 6 celebrated my two year anniversary working for Carnival Cruise Lines, and I can hardly wait to see what will arise in the years to come. As of now I am scheduled to sign back on the Carnival Pride on November 8. The cruise director conference will start not long after that, so I am taking this vacation time to work on my Welcome Aboard Show and other talks that I will need so when it comes time to sit in THE BIG CHAIR once again, I will be prepared.

I am greatly enjoying my vacation; longing to get back to work. I will include from pictures from the ports we visited last cruise. It is so interesting to see how the ship runs from the guest perspective. I must admit, this is only my fourth Carnival cruise sailing as a guest, so I have a long way to go before I become a true cruising pro.

Can’t wait to see you on the Carnival Pride.

All the best,

Jaime
(while on vacation!)

Thanks Jaime for all the hard work and I am sure you will be happy to be on vacation and happy to be back with Kirk. I hope you feel what you felt in the disco when you were on the Carnival Freedom and we all wish you both much happiness. It was wonderful to work with you again.

Coffee table books are big, stylish and handy conversation-starters if you’ve run out of things to say to your friends and relatives and sometimes…….your wife or husband. I have three on my coffee table at home. Two are mine one is Heidi’s and I will let you guess whose is whose. We have: The World’s 100 Most Luxurious Homes and Gardens, Beauty, Passion and Sou……. Aston Martin and Latvian Strippers: A Pictorial History. Well know there is another one that I just ordered…………….here it is.

http://www.qm2book.com/

In the world of sparkling new ships that arrive almost it seems every month there is still one ship and one ship only that is guaranteed to drop the jaws of everyone who sees it and that of course is the Queen Mary 2. What a fantastic book. I wonder if anyone has sent the Queen a copy yet.

Now, let’s take a Friday look at your Carnival Dream and we will start with this amazing photo followed by more of the Piano bar and the interior …………..wow.

As promised I am going to answer Karen Kutter ‘s question as to what items are stolen from the ship. What do you think……..or ……should I say…………..what would you steal…………..or should I say………what HAVE you stolen?

No, don’t tell me. I can guess. It’s toilet roll, isn’t it? Or “toilet tissue” as the Queen and posh people prefer to say.

Don’t deny it, because I have the evidence as the fleet’s Housekeeping Managers have all written in and told me that the “bog roll” as we non-posh Brits call it was in the first place of stolen ship items. In second place are the bathroom towels which some guests have complained are so fluffy they can’t close their suitcases.

And PA 007 our super spy who will have some breaking news for us later this month tells me, toilet paper is often stolen from the toilets at our Miami HQ.

Now, I can understand how people onboard steal the toilet rolls by packing them into their suitcases but how the heck do people who work in offices get away with it? How do you people get this stuff home anyway? A bit bulky to shove under your suit jacket, surely, and even the roomiest purse could only hold two rolls…. Ah, that’s why you dragged in that suitcase, claiming you were going straight from work on vacation.

Still, it explains why the paper in most public bathrooms is either as rough as a camel’s tongue, or flimsy as fairy dust and dispensed in tiny four-inch pieces, shiny on one side and only fit for tracing pictures or putting on a comb and zumming a tune……….because it was invented so no one in the world would ever want to steal it……we should put it on the ships…………no bugger would ever steal it. Oh by the way, the Housekeeping Manager of the Carnival Valor told me that last cruise someone stole a stateroom Steward named Ketut…………..so if the thief is reading this……………..can we have him back please.

OK, it’s Friday and after a busy few days in Holland we are back home again. It was as I said so great to show Kye to Heidi’s family and to discover that Kye has sea legs. That’s because on our crossing back to the UK the English Channel was pretty rough and yet Kye was as good as gold and that’s a great sign for the many cruises she will hopefully take in the future.

I can’t get over how beautiful she is especially considering how boil on a baboon’s arse ugly I am. It seems that us ugly people have a new hope though as the commercials for various male face lifts and rejuvenating $700 creams keep telling me……..What a load of bollocks. I know there’s already stuff available to help ugly men and women. It is called “alcohol” and its powers are in full view every week on the ships, when passengers you’d have rejected in favour of a Judge Judy at 9 pm suddenly acquire magical new hotness a few minutes before the disco closes.

Men with beards who invent these creams and lotions can’t bring anything new to this party. Pig-ugly men like me long ago developed a pant-based device to make them attractive to women. This is known as a “wallet,” and has controlled the emotions of women world over to miraculous effect. Heidi and many women like her also have their plan as well when they start wearing stockings 24/7 to gain a proposal, then the instant they are back from honeymoon revert to full length pajamas with the sensitive areas protected by minefields and barbed wire.

Anyway……..love is not about signing a marriage certificate or looking like Brad Clooney or Megan Jolie…….Love means not having to hold your farts in any more………and that means Heidi must love me very much………………just as I love her…………..and my gorgeous daughter Kye.

Goodnight
Your friends
John, Heidi and Kye