Is it just me or are the words “please” and/or “thank you” being used less and less these days? I have sat here in my underpants and invited my blog readers to ask me questions and to tell me if they need my help and therefore I have to accept how those questions and how those requests are made. But they are such small words to say after all and it’s not like I am asking you to type the Gettysburg Address after asking me for a sodding table for two. Saying “thank you” is easy and I wonder why so many seem not to be able to say it? I was taught by my Mum and Dad that politeness costs nothing and, from an early age, it was drummed into my head that I should say “thank you.” This was OK and I accepted it but I didn’t always like it, especially when it was my birthday as a child when I had to write a thank you letter to everyone who had sent me a present. (more…)

Being single certainly has some superb benefits. You always get control of the remote control, you can eat what you want and not worry about what anyone else wants and if you’re male, you can leave the toilet seat in a permanently down position. But I have always marveled at the single cruiser, sitting alone on the Promenade deck, surrounded by couples. There are single cruise groups as well and they are an excellent way of meeting people. But for some guests, being part of a “single but looking for love” group cruise is not what they want. Yep, cruising single is not always easy. All of this came to mind yesterday when I was walking along the Deck 2 Promenade here on Carnival Legend and I saw a middle-aged lady sitting on her own by the Atlantis Bar. It was 9:30am or so, the ship was in Nassau and many guests were ashore. She wasn’t reading or doing anything really, she was just…….well……..sitting. I gave her a cheery good morning and she gave me what can only be a half-hearted smile in return. Now, I was actually in a bit of a rush as I was heading to meet with another guest who I will speak more of later in the blog. (more…)

The past two weeks I have flown from the UK to Italy (one hour forward) and back again (one hour back). Then it was off to Russia (four hours forward) and then back from Russia (four hours back.) Then this week I flew from the UK to the U.S. (five hours back) plus my time at U.S. Immigration (two days back — or so it felt like). Then this previous week during my handover week on Carnival Legend, I was living out of a suitcase in a guest cabin unable to unpack properly and with no office to Facebook and blog from plus organise (YES, YOU SODDING BASTARD OF A COMPUTER, ORGANISE IS SPELT WITH AN “S”) a 15-day trans-Atlantic where I had to use my cabin as an office. Yep, it’s been a hectic month for sure. (more…)

Since I returned from Russia last week, I have had a cold. It was inevitable that I would get one because it was -12C outside and Boris the driver that was taking me around had the car heater set at 1,200C and I was in and out of the car all day long for four straight days. My nose is so clogged I am thinking of hiring Bruce Willis and the team from that Armageddon movie to build a tunnel up my nose and drill a hole. (more…)

Just a quick blog today because I have loads on Facebook to catch up on and this weekend I have to drive to Liverpool to film this TV show thing for the beards at Carnival UK. Now many of you from North America drive for days to get somewhere and have no problem doing so. Britain is a small country and it takes around seven hours to drive the length of the country from Lands End in England to John O Groates in Scotland. The drive from my home in Essex to Liverpool will take around five hours and I shall have to use the GPS system or “Sat Nav” as we call it here. That’s because here in the UK we have something you don’t have in America……… corners. I wonder sometimes with immense roads like I-95, why American cars bother being fitted with steering wheels. (more…)

On Monday I wrote about how having a dog is a brilliant way not to get blamed for letting out a monstrous and eye-watering fart. Yep, blaming my dog Breeze for the Hazmat teams knocking on the door has been one of the best things about canine ownership. But revenge, as they say, is sweet and last night the four legged German bastard got his revenge. (more…)

Let’s start by talking about something we have all probably had today……..breakfast. Here’s a letter from blog reader Donna: (more…)

Occasionally, I get to use this blog to write my own personal opinions, not just about cruising but about what’s happening in the world. Last night I had quite a heated discussion with some guests who are bloggers and have booked a back-to-back cruise here. It wasn’t about food or Faster to the Fun or the Cheers bar program or my underpants, but rather about Lance Armstrong who, as you know, will appear on Her Royal Highness Oprah Winfrey’s show. (more…)

As you know, I do not drink and ever since I was as a young cruise director back in 1827 on the Carnival Fantasy who had enjoyed a few too many cognacs and couldn’t remember how he got through a man overboard rescue operation………..alcohol has never touched my lips. (more…)

Social media can be a minefield that, if you are not careful, will blow your bollocks off. For many people, sites like Facebook are all about simply finding someone you had rumpy pumpy with 10 years ago and contacting her asking if there is a chance that you do so again. (more…)