A few days ago I went on board the incredible Queen Elizabeth which was docked in Livorno next to the Carnival Magic. I am no doubt going to delve into my limited bag of superlatives here and repeat myself, as well as start with a naughty word and I therefore I apologise. But bloody heck, the Queen Elizabeth is simply gorgeous, beautiful and quite simply oozes class, comfort and tradition.
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Yesterday on departure from Naples found me on the bridge escorting a family of eight people who the captain had invited to join him. The family consisted of mum, dad, grandparents and three children, two of whom were about to enter United States Coast Guard training like their father who was a high-ranking USCG officer. Anyway, I went to meet them and on the bridge I listened to the radio chat on the VHF between the captain and the port authority, which interestingly, like all bridge commands on Carnival ships, must be carried out in English, not Italian.
Just a week or so after the terrible earthquake in Japan, I remember I had a Japanese guest on stage with me during the Welcome Aboard show and how I treated him so carefully and was nervous about saying anything that would cause him any embarrassment. I actually felt quite uncomfortable and a little nervous. But the guests were magnificent and applauded as one when I said that we were all thinking about him and his country during those horrific days. Well, last week it happened again and with the “bag lady” and everything else last cruise I haven’t had time to tell you about it. Except this time it wasn’t a Japanese guest I had on stage but a guest from Norway.
We have a new department head here on the Carnival Magic whom I will introduce to you in a moment. He is the first in this position in the fleet and soon there will be one on every Carnival ship. It’s a super addition to what we do and I know the crew will appreciate it very much. As I said, more about him in a moment but what is it that he does……well he is the new shipboard human resources director.
I must be the only man on the Carnival Magic amongst the guests and the crew who does not own a pair of sandals or flip flops. And I don’t own a pair because I despise feet, all feet, with nearly the same passion as I despise hemorrhoids, people who blame me for being fined for buying a fake bag in Venice…….and the French. I’m told some people enjoy the art of toe sucking. How is this possible? How can a man look at a lady, even a Latvian lady, and think “Mmmmmmm, look at the big toe on her!”
The last few days I have started to feel really old. I was invited out by the entertainment staff to go out in Venice and “chill” at a bar but I was too tired so I read a book, had a cup of tea and went to bed. Yep, I am an old 46 year old man……with hemorrhoids.
I am straight. I am so straight you could grow flowers up me but let’s face it, you can’t work in the entertainment department of a cruise ship for 25 years and not understand and respect all cultures, lifestyles and backgrounds. However all the admiration and understanding in the world doesn’t mean that for one moment I can pretend to understand my friend, morning show co-host and entertainment staff member Calvyn “Champagne” Martens.
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The audiences in Europe are rather different than, say, a seven-day Caribbean cruise. One of those differences is that here on Carnival Magic I rarely have to deal with hecklers whereas in the Caribbean they are quite commonplace. However, last night at the show I faced one of the most challenging situations since we brought the ship out and more about this later.
I have had a lot of comments on Facebook and here on the blog as well as from my wife that I never ever get off the ship in the ports of call. And you are all right. I don’t. Most of the time it’s because I am too busy answering those same comments on Facebook and the blog and on the phone to Heidi……..oh, plus I have a ship to run, as well. However, last night I did. For some reason I was in the middle of Facebooking about trolls and trying to referee a match between a few Facebookers who just don’t like each other when for some weird reason I stood up……..and without thinking much, I grabbed my ship’s ID, a cigar and some money……walked down to the gangway in Civitavecchia and buggered off. The look on the security team’s face at the gangway was priceless.
Spam! Yep………..Spam. Strange that this simple word has become part of my life in recent times. First of all it is mentioned to me each and every time anyone mentions the Carnival Splendor fire. It’s never “I hear the crew was amazing” or “The guests must have been scared,” it’s always “Hey John, did you have Spam for dinner?”
