I FINALLY GET TO WRITE THAT BOOK

November 12, 2013 -

John Heald -

52 Comments

This is not going to be my best blog ever, just letting you know. That’s because I have just come out of one meeting and in between organizing the last details of the Carnival Sunshine naming ceremony I have just had a two-hour meeting with someone who can only be described as ……………ummmm……………boring. The person who was leading the meeting is excellent at his or her job but bloody hell……he or she really is boring. Even if they had just been abducted by a naked space alien with three eyes and a 22 foot long thing who had said “take me to your leader” in a French accent..…he or she would still tell that storing in such a boring way. The meeting this morning was indeed so boring that I wished I was a horse so I could fall asleep standing up. I wish I could have found an excuse not to attend this meeting but when certain beards find out I am in Miami they like to schedule a meeting with. In the old days I would have found an excuse, I used to be really good at that but as I got older I got more responsible ………bugger. I have been thinking about my early life at Carnival recently and you will see why later in the blog and I remember one excuse I used. (more…)

So I am back from my trip to New York and, as always, it is a city like no other. New York is totally extraordinary. The whole city seems so diverse, from the mix of culture to the brilliant people, places, bars, restaurants, architecture, the men and the women…. everybody is different, everyone is loud and everyone is in a hurry. New York is simply…….wow. I have never seen a city with more restaurants than New York. I can only imagine that no one cooks in Manhattan and that if I were to go and inspect apartments and houses in New York City and examine the cookers in these homes, the very vast majority would still have the instructions inside and they have never been used. (more…)

The lunch hour is dead here at Carnival Cruise Lines. Yep, I have been here a few days now and I can honestly say that no bugger takes an hour away and heads out for a nice lunch. In fact, I would say, from what I have seen, the average lunch break is just 30 minutes. Forget shopping and a visit to the local sushi restaurant. Everyone here is eating at their desks, continuing with work or surfing Amazon and maybe this blog……all Latvian web sites have been blocked …….. I wonder why? (more…)

EDUCATING HOTELS

October 28, 2013 -

John Heald -

73 Comments

 I took my daughter Kye to school for the first time last week. She is only four. The process, though, has started. It was both heartbreaking and sort of exciting to walk Kye up the path to a place where I would leave her behind from 9 am – 3 pm…..but, ultimately, forever as she starts to make her way in the world under the guidance of Miss Newman, Mr. Barton and, indeed, guidance other than that of my wife Heidi and I. (more…)

It’s quite comical, really. You see, Carnival Legend has, these past few weeks, docked in ports we have never been to before such as Oslo, Edinburgh, Belfast, Reykjavik and others. In all of these ports, we have been met with wonderful hospitality and upon arrival and departure, there have been locals who have come to see the famous “whale tale” that is Carnival Cruise Lines. But here is the comical bit. Every time I spoke to our ship’s agent or some local people or the local entertainers and mentioned how nice it was to see people coming to take photos of the ship, they all said the same thing: “You should have seen it when the Queen Mary 2 was here, hundreds, maybe thousands, came to see the ship!”

(more…)

BOOK………………ENDS.

September 27, 2013 -

John Heald -

30 Comments

So here we are, three days into the trans-Atlantic crossing, and we will be talking a lot about this over the next few days here and on Facebook, I am sure. And today I want to start by talking about books. Now I have done ummmm……….ummmmm……..bugger me………..I have no idea how many TA’s I have done but it’s a heck of a lot. Some, I don’t remember, some I do.  There was one on Carnival Freedom where I was tormented by one guest who looked like Rodney Dangerfield, one on Carnival Liberty with a huge GI outbreak that certainly wasn’t fun, and one on the Carnival Splendor that was amazing because we had 16 days of glass-like water as we crossed the pond, it literally was…….. a pond. (more…)

THE LIDO DECK DIET

August 29, 2013 -

John Heald -

35 Comments

 If you are Johnny Depp or Russell Crowe or some moody famous person and someone disturbs your meal by saying, “I don’t mean to bother you,” you can tell them to bugger off. The most that will happen is that the person will never watch one of their movies again. Now, I can’t do that. If someone disturbs my meal with the usual, “Don’t mean to bother you,” then, despite the fact that there are times that I want to say, “Can you come back after I have finished shoving a huge fork full of beef in black bean sauce down my throat?,” I can’t. That’s because the guest will write to Gerry Cahill and request I be tied down onto the deck, naked, and a box of hungry escargot’s emptied over my dangly bits. (more…)

In recent years, when I would walk around the ship I would see toddlers and younger children who were not enjoying the fun at Camp Carnival playing with teddy bears, toys and whatever is on the table……..knives, pepper pots and bits of food. Fast-forward to today and you will see kids aged as young as two ignoring the fascinations of a straw and a glass of ice and instead concentrating on their eyepads. My gorgeous daughter, Kye, is now four but from aged three she could navigate from start up to shut down, accessing her Peppa Pig cartoons on YouTube, the iplayers and game programs I had installed for her. (more…)

A STAND UP BLOG

June 26, 2013 -

John Heald -

31 Comments

I haven’t had much chance to write about my recent trip to Galveston to see the new and shiny Carnival Triumph. The flight from London seemed to go on forever and the 10 hours felt like so much more. And when we landed in Houston, I was tired, cramped and seriously grumpy. Anyway, I had listened to the flight attendant warn us that we must not use our cell phones until we were off the plane and off I ran with the other 300 passengers toward United States Customs and Border Protection. I reached the hall where this was taking place and swore immediately under my breath as the lines were exactly as they were in Miami…….long…… “Oh FFS,” I said. So I took my place wondering if I smelled as badly as the chap in front of me and started the long shuffle toward the inspectors. (more…)

HALF MOON CAY AND THE NEWS

February 19, 2013 -

John Heald -

27 Comments

Many years ago when Heidi and I first met and when we thought about nothing but rumpy pumpy and traveling we flew to the other side of the world to have rumpy pumpy in a place that the brochure called a “paradise.” It wasn’t. It was one of those destinations where everyone — from the airport staff to the taxi driver — gave us a necklace of flowers so that by the time I arrived at the hotel I smelt like the perfume counter at Macy’s and was walking like the hunchback of sodding Notre Dame. (more…)

Copyright 2011 John Heald. All Rights Reserved

css.php