As well as 11,000 plus Carnival fans being able to talk with me and each other, Facebook has allowed some of my old friends from the 80′s to reconnect with me. One of those is a wonderful lady called Samantha who I knew from my days as a spotty 18 year old. Well, she got it in touch with me via Facebook the other day and as soon as I saw her name I could think of only one thing ……………… (more…)
Let me get this over with at the start of today’s blog and I say this with apologies to the many, many Abba fan’s out there, especially my friend Mr Bentley. But my night at the theatre watching Mamma sodding Mia was bloody awful. I was there because of my hippopotamus sized gob (www.urbandictionary.com for the word gob) that in a moment of weakness and a promise of rumpy pumpy I had told Heidi that I would indeed go to the theatre with her. We then had rumpy pumpy and three minutes later when it was over, so too was the memory of my promise.
I truly don’t like coconut. I haven’t since I was a child. And I hate it or anything with coconut in it. I’d rather lick the back end of a camel……..then eat coconut. I don’t like prunes, either. Or Simon Cowell. I know that he has a pancreas and a thingy and all the other things that qualify him to be classified as a member of the human race but he makes my hemorrhoids flare up, and I find myself hoping that just once one of his TV shows will have lower ratings than American Monk, Vow of Silence.
Yesterday I went to London to meet with a lovely lady from Carnival UK called Carly who had asked me to do a welcome video for their new UK website which will be up and running in April. This was followed by an interview with a lovely lady called Sue Bryant from a British national newspaper called The Daily Telegraph. She has also written for Cruise Critic UK and is not only a brilliant writer but an expert on travel, cruising and Turkish wine. Anyway, there I was in London so after the interview I walked back over Tower Bridge, past the Tower of London where the crown jewels and Prince Charles’ bollocks are kept and that’s when I saw something strange.
When you stay in hotels as much as I have these past few years since I was anointed Brand Ambassador, certain things start to really get on your tits……….that’s a very British saying by the way and if I was talking about your tits I wouldn’t have used that word……….I would have used nerves instead of tits. But as they are my tits that I am talking about………I can say tits and nobody can say anything about it.
OK, it’s time for me to come clean about something…………I’ve wanted to tell someone for the last month or so……… but I have been too embarrassed…..too ashamed to tell you ………. but I cannot take it anymore. And so today, Tuesday February 22, 2011 I openly confess to you all…………… (more…)
So on Saturday night I minced around the Promenade Deck on the Carnival Splendor travel agent function, shaking hands and being a brand ambassador thingy. I have to admit though I have never been much of a fan of parties. Maybe this comes from the fact that I was hardly ever invited to one when I was younger and if I managed to gate crash one…..well no bugger would speak to me. I would arrive at the party with dreams of meeting a girl……any girl……. who would want to have a bit of rumpy pumpy with me in the back seat of my Dad’s Ford Escort ……….reality was that I would leave alone………..and go for a kebab.
Time to talk about a touchy subject………….cruise ship banter. First of all let’s define the word “banter” which the dictionary states is “to speak to or address in a witty and teasing manner.”
You may have see on this blog thingy and on Facebook these past few days that I have received lots of requests to help arrange the scattering of ashes at sea. These requests are always full of emotion and it is an honour for me to try and help. (more…)
“These streets are my streets…………..punk.” I remember those words as if they were yesterday. My Dad and I religiously watched all the 70′s and 80′s cop shows from Ironside to Cannon, from Banacheck to McLeod and that one where Dick Van Dyke stars as a brilliant physician with an eye for a mystery, who regularly helps his thick as a brick son to crack murder cases ………… can’t remember the name of that one.
