Let me ask you a question. Why the heck do people who I hardly know put an “X” at the end of their emails? I have never kissed these people and never will. You have never had rumpy pumpy with these people yet…….they finish their emails with a kiss. Most people now seem to feel that it’s the law to send electronic kisses, not only to people they work with, but everyone else as well. It used to be that “best wishes” sufficed but now routine messages, even to someone you have never met, must end with an electronic tongue down the throat. I would guess that nine out of 10 women who write emails to me from Carnival’s land and sea operations finish with a kiss. And this happens so much that I worry that an email without kisses means this person is angry with them.
Good afternoon everyone.
Tomorrow is move on day for the crew so it’s going to be extra busy for me as I supervise my department and help them move from the hotel onto the Carnival Breeze. It looks like I will have to stay in the hotel over the weekend as my cabin is not quite ready yet as the infinity pool needs to be filled and the Egyptian silk sheets have not arrived from Harrods just yet. OK, that’s bollocks of course. Ketut is getting the cabin ready but so far I don’t have a computer yet as one of the biggest jobs is for our I/S department to set up over 100 personal computers and much, much more. So in order for me to keep working as the wireless system is also not working just yet, I will stay in the hotel over the weekend and hope to move on Monday. This will mean I will be able to continue to keep you updated here and on Facebook.
So, it’s a quick blog today and we start with three more videos from the ship which Peter the Hair and I made a few weeks ago. I hope you enjoy them:
It’s only now, on Monday, February 27, that I am starting to feel on the road to recovery following my Ebola/swamp fever and resulting pink eye. Once the doctor had told me my eye wasn’t contagious, I had to make the decision to carry on working and performing despite the fact that I felt like crap. It started off as a normal cold, a bit of a sniffle, and a feeling that the cabin air conditioner had broken because one minute I would be roasting the cabin to the point where Ketut was cleaning my room in a pair of Speedos and the next turning it into an igloo. Obviously when I called Heidi she was very sympathetic, saying “I suppose it’s man flu. Ha. You should try giving birth. Then you’d understand the meaning of true pain you bastard. Kye came out sideways and I was making you dinner 20 minutes later. So get off your arse and go host a show.”
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It’s Friday February 17 and its time to pay tribute to something that has slowly disappeared from the Promenade Decks and dining rooms of the Carnival fleet. No, not the sodding shrimp cocktail ……….the gentleman’s tuxedo. My first remembrance of the tuxedo or dinner jacket as it’s known in the land of spotted dick and Simon Cowell was when I hired one from a store called Moss Bros. It was for a posh party and my mate Alan and I thought it would be “cool” to wear a tuxedo. Turns out it wasn’t and we were the only two people wearing such attire and to the other party goers we didn’t look cool at all. We looked like total and utter plonkers and we might as well have stood there wearing baggy underpants…… because the girls ignored us. We ended up drowning our sorrows with cheap wine and the next day I returned my hired tuxedo to the store explaining to the man on the returns desk that it was covered in vomit when I rented it.
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Just before I left home for the Carnival Magic my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter Kye discovered the word “why.” “Don’t throw Dadda’s cell phone in the toilet” ……..”Why?” is her response. And judging by what happened to me last night at the captain’s celebration I only have even more to worry about from her in the future. You see I was standing with the captain and senior officers when two bloggers approached me and at this point let me say a big hello to Jodie and Tom Marshall and their five-year-old son Brady. As we were chatting and talking about the blog and Facebook and their cruise, Brady, who was obviously bored, pulled on his father’s sleeve and pointing at me asked “Why is he so fat?”
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There are two things that have made me mad this past weekend. The first is how complicated washing your hands in a restaurant or hotel or ship is. Yes I know its public health and yes I know people who have just wiped away the remains of last night’s beef stew from their bottoms touch the faucet straight after, but I am sick of having to do three hours of Tai-Chi under the sodding faucet just to get the water to come on. The second thing that has been rolling my eyes is the word “detox.”
So in a week’s time I will be home in the bosom of my family and it appears that one of the first things I will be doing will be spending my very hard earned money on a dog. Yep, for those who have been long time blog readers, you will know I have tried over the last few years to put it off but Heidi is like the Borg……..resistance is therefore futile.
