Hi, I’m John, these are my underpants and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation…………. even if they do pay the bills.

Same goes for Heidi, my mate Alan, all the Beards and Megan Fox, Judge Judy, or anyone else, really. My apologies then in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival’s arse and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.

Comment Policy

Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. If it is something that's unrelated, please use the Ask John tab above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.

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14 Responses to Disclaimer Thingy

  1. vivienne says:

    Does any one even take the time to read this? They should, especially the ones who claim that they don’t like your blog.
    Your lawyer is fantastic….I loved his humour the very 1st time I saw him, on the Carnival Fascination last November, I told him so, after the show
    Emmett Lee Tuttweiler Shapiro Cochran Jr., is not one to mess with.

    • Rosa says:

      Lol, this got to be one of the best disclaimers, at least it is funny.
      Love your sense of humour (spelled correctly)

    • Wyatt says:

      Well, the only problem is, if you do not like the site, its as simple as just not reading/visiting it, if you have a problem, you should contact him personally, not in public. I am also not saying this is you, just in general.

  2. jessica says:

    LOL i can only hope my cruise will be this filled with laughter

  3. Shirley says:

    Hi John, Just wanting to get aquainted with you. My husband Jerry and I will be sailing with you Feb 5, from Gal. Anxious for our first cruise. C U later.

  4. Linda Krause says:

    Does Heidi know how many women fall in love with you reading your blogs??!! LOL I just wondered!!

  5. Tim says:

    The law firm of – Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe is the best firm for representing all sorts of nefarious claims against having a sense of humor!

    Cheers my friend!

  6. Jane & Tom Rachford says:

    Oh my gosh, that guy is hilarious! Wouldn’t it be great if he was on the February 12th sailing of the Carnival Legend. We’re going with a bunch of our classmates from high school (class of 1959), & I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he will be on it too.

  7. paula says:


  8. Pingback: John Heald: Carnival’s Wayfaring Wag (1) | Travel By Terry

  9. brenda maggot says:

    i love you john

  10. Sherry Hilton says:

    Carnival splendor
    Sherry Hilton
    Spa cabin room 1010

    Do not cruise on this ship the carnival splendor
    First of all let me say I’m a veteran cruiser never complain and always have the time of my life while on vacation.
    I say if I’m on vacation then it’s a great day and I’m very thankful.
    I got on the carnival splendor ship on 4/2/14
    Just a day and a half later I was extremely sick, I have never been sick on any cruise before and the smoke has never bothered me on any ship but I hold myself it much be the smoke or the poor ventilation on this ship that is making me sick.
    So I stopped going to the fifth floor all together, I used the spa services all day long trying to feel better but I was still sick. I was so sick I couldn’t get out of bed I slept threw dinner two nights in a row and when I did wake up I was so hungry so I went to the lido deck but there was only pizza I wasn’t well enough to eat something so heavy . I was hoping for some soup but I got hot water and lemon which I have lived on for three days now.
    I can’t keep any food down
    The only place I have been besides my room is the spa trying everything and anything to get myself better. No fun being on a cruise ship sick.

    I was going to the spa relaxation room and spending my days and evenings there, on Wednesday 4/9/14 the last sea day of my cruise, I saw the most disgusting thing ever.
    Let me tell you what I saw
    The room service staff which is responsible for the water tea lemons etc and dirty and clean glasses, was tidying up the area and Replacing the products etc….
    I was sitting in the corner and he must not have seen me and I was watching him take the dirty glasses and tip out the contents and place the dirty glasses in the clean glass area.
    After he was done he left.
    I went over and checked the glasses to make sure I really just saw this happen , and I picked up the glass and yes it was dirty, and it smelled like lemon.
    I went and got the spa staff and they said checked the glasses and said yes these are dirty, they assured me that this had never happen before and they watch the staff put clean glasses out.
    I was so upset about this that they brought Luke the supervisor for the spa up stairs and he assured me that this has never happen and he would take care of this personally.
    I asked that he get me this mans name and he said he would.

    Then they I thought about how many times I had picked up a coffee mug and there was sticky stuff on it or it looked used while I was up there all week , and I just cried.
    I had been soooooo sick since day two and my trip has been so miserable and now, I Know why.
    How could this man do this to innocent people.

  11. Helen says:

    Hi John!
    I will be going on another carnival cruise in August of next year with 11 other people. I have booked a suite and I know I will be eligible for special boarding at the ports. Is that just for me and my son because we are in the same room or is everyone in my party eligible too seeing where we all booked together?

  12. Robin Stewart says:

    Hi John,
    We just returned from our first cruise and loved it so much we have already booked the second. I especially want to thank you for protecting me on the trip! I have a wheat allergy and was very nervous, as I always am when I have to eat when someone else is cooking. The system in place made me feel very safe. I was able to relax and not have to ask the wait staff to double check with the chef. I knew it was ok. Thank you.
    I just wanted to point out one spot that was missed, as it may help others.

    On our excursion to Coba, a light lunch was provided. I expected it to be a simple lunch of sandwiches or such that I would not be able to have so I brought my own food, as I always do. Apple, carrots and nuts. But when we got ready to go we were told in Mexico we are not allowed to bring fresh food, due to their port rules. So, I told the girl about my problem and she said we should have told them ahead of time. My husband said there hadn’t been any place to do that specifically on the excursion. (We did notify the ship in general) She told me to tell our guide as soon as possible because maybe they would be able to fix it still. So I did. He said not to worry because it was only a snack, it wasn’t really lunch and that there wasn’t any wheat anyway. But lunch was a sandwich, a chocolate covered cookie and a bag of chips. (I have had this problem in another Spanish speaking destination. I think there is a language thing I haven’t figured out.)

    I was allowed to bring the nuts because they were not a fresh food item. So, I was ok. But for the benefit of others with wheat issues, which in all other areas carnival has gone to great lengths to accommodate, I thought I would let you know about this.

    Thank you.

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