November 9th, 2009
I have never been to Bermuda before and so it was that even though I would be there but for one night only I was actually looking forward to seeing what everyone had always told me was a beautiful island. I was however anxious that it may be the death of me because obviously myself and the other Continental Airlines passengers would be flying through the Bermuda Triangle.
As we took off I found myself sitting next to Barry Manilow. OK, old big nose wasn’t in the seat next to me but he certainly was in my mind as I couldn’t help singing Barry’s famous lyrics, “Bermuda Triangle…………..It makes people disappear………………Bermuda Triangle. …………. Don’t go too near…………..But she doesn’t see my angle” which apart from Shania Twain’s “My panty line shows….got a run in my hose………..My hair went flat…………..Man, I hate that”…………….are surely the worst lyrics in the history of music.
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November 8th, 2009
Hi Everyone,
Stephanie here. John is in Bermuda getting ready to board the Carnival Dream. But he wanted to send you this quick note:
“Don’t forget to tune into the Today Show tomorrow morning to watch the four kid reporters. And if you missed the unveiling of the world’s largest children’s book check out the video below.”
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November 6th, 2009
It’s Thursday night and I have to finish the blog today as there is bugger all time to write. So, here I sit in my underpants at 10:50 pm having just returned from a long day of meetings of which I will tell you more about later. I returned from the posh meeting in the posh building that used to belong to the newspaper that Superman worked for. While the important people got limos to sleek them back to the hotel, I stood on the street corner along with dozens of other poor and freezing cold bastards trying to get a cab.
Eventually one stopped and in I got and bugger me if there wasn’t a TV stuck into the back seat area……….very posh. I sat there in the back of a yellow cab listening to some middle eastern rap music by Musthafa Pee Diddlyaden pondering the usual questions …………. why does the meter already say $20 when we have only gone 10 feet? Will the cabbie explode if I ask him if I can pay with my Carnival credit card? Why am I am in this cab when the sod next to me is in a black Mercedes 600 looking at me through his blacked out windows thinking “I am better than you fat boy.”………..when something unpleasant happened. There were three loud bangs on the passenger side door as if a horny elephant was trying to hump the cab………. and at the open window appeared the snarling, face of one very pissed off cyclist.
And so I sat there listening to this chap fire of a volley F words and in-between him accusing Mr. Abdul the cab driver of having sexual relations with his Mother it became clear that the cyclist thought that the taxi had been traveling too close.
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