I Must Learn to Speak Italian

April 28, 2007 -

John Heald

Hello everyone. Sorry the blog is so late, my fault and it won’t happen again………it was just one of those days.

So, how are you ?

I hope you are better than me because I am firmly in the living quarters usually reserved for canines (the dog house).

It is Heidi’s birthday today and I bought her a beautiful card from a little shop in Naples. It had a photo of a big cake and a lots of balloons and a fireworks in the background. I bought it quickly as I had only a few minutes to be ashore. This morning all was well when I gave Heidi here card and gift (Chanel perfume and diamond earrings ). Then, she sat down and re-read her cards as women often do and discovered some words inside that she wanted translated. She asked Luigi our Staff Captain and discovered that the poem inside the card contained the words “Felice Divorzio”……….which means……………Happy Divorce.

I sit here now with a piece of Heidi’s shoe extruding from a certain part of my lower body and feeling pretty stupid.  At least if I ever make a mistake like this again and I am in Italy, I will know which card to buy .

Excitement is in the air as I know many of you have been logging on to the BLOGGERS CRUISE link thingy. It was a really hard choice as to what week to do this and there were many factors that we had to consider. However, it seems we made the right one as many people seem to be wanting to cruise and I have been, still am and always will be humbled by the response this blog and subsequent cruise has created. I spent all last night thinking of so many different activities and events that I want to host and as soon as I get them approved I will let you know what they are.

I never want this blog to be a sales tool but I am going to be a bit selfish and say, PLEASE BOOK QUICKLY..IT IS GOING TO BE A VERY MEMORABLE WEEK.

I also see that someone has nominated me and the gang for some blogging awards. If I win, I will take a photo of me wearing just a gold thong with a rose between my teeth holding a sign that says.. “I Don’t Love You Any More Angelina” …………promise! 

Time for the Q & A

DAVID – You did indeed suggest the Pod Cast and it was your suggestion that set the ball rolling. Is there anything you would like to hear on the first one? I was thinking one of the Morning Shows or indeed an audio version of the Q&A. What do you think mate? Please let me know.
NNAETTEALIA – I do have a VCR and cannot wait to see this video. I think I might cry when I see how much bigger I am. See you in June. Heidi here, the chocolate strawberries will be waiting. I do look after him but today he is in trouble, did he tell you about my divorce card? Looking forward to seeing you soon. Heidi.

John here, YES I DID TELL THE BLOG PEOPLE and I am very sorry my little nest of vipers!
Enough of the domestic.

BIG ED – I would explain the joke to Heidi Ed but as I am not exactly in her good books I am sure the suggestion of her being blond and not getting your WIDE reference would only lead to more pain for my derriere. You are also correct that the original date for the cruise was 2007 which is of course is incorrect. More about that in a moment. My best to Mrs. Big Ed and your web site gets better and better. Talk to you again in a moment.
TERRI910 – I have no words to describe how I feel knowing that many thousands of people have clicked on a photo of me lying in bed. I have a feeling that BIG ED has it as his screen saver. Because of this, Heidi is not allowed near the blog without complete supervision as I do not want any more pornographic photos of me plastered throughout cyberspace. I will introduce the odd guest blogger but I will make sure that it remains my personal site and does not stray into the realms of a normal corporate blog. Looking forward to seeing you soon.
ANN MARIE – I am going to introduce as you suggested a guest star on this blog thingy now and then, included will be a waiter or a steward who you can ask whatever questions you like. With regard to tipping, what questions do you have as maybe I can help? Please keep reading and I will look forward to hearing from you soon.
Still have our home on Beech Mountain. We love it there. We still own the lots on either side-but I’m not sure I recall Mark.
KATHY AND PAUL – Poor Doogie……………if he wants somewhere to stay while you are onboard he can come and stay with me, as I am already in a dog house. The weather is beautiful and temperatures are definitely meaning you should pack shorts and t shirts. See you very soon.
MELISSA – Glad Heidi took care of your wishes and I will buy her another dinner and maybe upgrade to large fries as well. I am glad you are enjoying the blog and maybe we will see each other on the blog cruise next year.
BARBARA – Have a great time on the Leg End and thank you for the birthday wishes for Heidi. I do have a busy schedule but I still love my job very much and, with Heidi by my side, I am good for a few more blogs yet. Let me know what you think of the Leg End and my best regards to Jim and the family.
KERSPLOTT – I wish Heidi had been on the crossing as well. I must be honest that the first crossing from Rome to Florida in 2006 was not my finest hour. I do not think I planned the activities and schedules very well and there was a lot of room for improvement. These improvements were made by the time we did the crossing again and I am now comfortable in saying that we offer a great selection of activities and entertainment. As for the BLOGGERS CRUISE you are correct when you say it will be selling quickly and if it is as popular as we hope it will be there will be another one very soon. Heidi sends her best and promises to be there with us for this Bloggers Cruise as I hope you and all the blog people thingies will be. Wishing you health and happiness.
SOUTHERNDREAMS – A little birdie told me you are one of the first to book the BLOGGERS CRUISE and as Executive P.I.S.S.E.R. you and bonnie Prince Charlie are both in for a man sized hug when I see y’all. Heidi and I will see you soon.
LINDA AND MIKE THE NAIL – I still am flabbergasted that Heidi posted that photo. It was taken when we were staying in a guest cabin before ours was ready when the ship was being built. I was watching a DVD of a movie or something when Heidi produced the camera. Of course at the time I had no idea I would be blogged to Australia and back a few months later.
I have been diabetic for nearly two years and I agree it is a complete bore. However, it was my own fault and I am determined to make the best of it and monitor my levels very carefully. My dad has been great in helping me and Mum always makes sure I take my pills when I talk to her on the phone and Heidi………well .she is just Heidi and her help is immeasurable. The BLOGGERS CRUISE IS ON JANUARY 19 an I hope I see you and the Handyman’s names on the list.
ANN MARIE – I cannot thank you enough for your nomination. As I mentioned above I am sure I will not win and if I do the special photo I mentioned will be posted on this blog thingy. Seriously, though, you are too kind and as I know I repeat a hundred times a blog I am overwhelmed that so many people take their valuable time to read and respond to my daily mutterings. As requested, the web site has been “BLINGED UP” and you can click on a thing to my right and it does something or other and takes you to another thing where you can click on a box thing to vote for me or something. Thanks Anne, I owe you.
HUGH JORDAN – Hugh, I will answer your question regarding what I do in my off time in a moment. Thanks for reading the blog thingy.
TERRI910 – Heidi and I will be happy to come to your Cruise Critic meeting. I suggest we meet at 1:30 pm in the 70’s Dance Club. If this is OK with you I will put a mention of this in the Carnival Capers. Let me know. As for the prize for the Bloggers Award, I heard it could be one of the following
If it is number 1 or 2 please vote for me. If the prize is number 3 please vote for www.anothercruisedirectorsblogfromanothercruiselinewhocopieseverythingjohndoesandsmellsofoldfish.com
ANDREAS – Hello, hope this blog finds you well. Strange that you should ask about why cruises with our sister companies does not count to your Platinum Membership.This very question was asked today to Bob Dickinson in his last Q & A. The answer is quite simple that at the time of writing, our computer systems have not been able to talk to each other and therefore they are not able to connect your bookings together. However, this may change one day.  Until then, maybe your next cruise could be on the BLOGGERS CRUISE in January. Looking forward to welcoming you on board very soon.
LEE SAUER – Holland America has a proud heritage and I am proud to be associated with this company and its traditions. As part of THE WORLD’S LEADING CRUISE LINES they do offer as you suggest a wonderful style of cruising. How wonderful that at the age of 90, Mum is still able to travel and even more wonderful is the fact that you still travel with her. I have no idea who the cruise director is on the ship you are going on but please say hello from me to them……….we are all part of the same club. Have a great cruise and let me know how Mum enjoyed herself when you get home.
BIG ED – As promised here I am again and please let me apologize that I could not book the 26. Unfortunately that particular week I must be back in the UK for a family obligation and therefore I had to go with the 19. PLEASE TELL MRE BIG ED THAT I WILL PERSONALLY ASSURE HER THAT SHE WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH OCHO RIOS AND I WILL BE HER GUIDE. And BIG ED, you and I are destined to be on stage together! I am sorry if I let you down with the date but hopefully we can sort it out and you change to the BLOGGERS CRUISE. I remain, your mate always.
JO AND DAVE – I will, of course, be on the BLOGGERS CRUISE and will be involved with you morning, noon and night. I do not know if I can get you double points on the Platinum Club Card but I am working on lots of benefits! Please come and sail and it will be a cruise to remember.
EBBIE – the announcement was made and a gift sent to them from you. I hope they had a great time. When you sail, let’s chat and we will see what we can do to celebrate the “Big 5-0.” Looking forward to seeing you and your friend very soon.
SNOOPY – I know, I feel very bad but I will make sure I will sail with my mate BIG ED if not on the 19th on the 26th. There was a lot of reasons why, but the major thing is I will get to meet him and sit in the booth with my new best mate.
Best regards to Charlie Brown.

I have been very busy today preparing for our first Grand Med cruise. To get you and me in the mood for the coming blogs, here are a few photos to enjoy.


Hugh Jordan asked what we like to do in our down time ashore? Heidi and I tend to jut go home and spend time with the family and really just do normal things that you cannot do on a cruise ship. Even though the food is amazing onboard it is nice to choose what you will eat rather than knowing already what is on the menu. I also miss driving as much as anything else. I love just driving through the British countryside with the window open and occasionally treating myself to a cigar………naughty…..but nice.

On another subject, I just received a photo I wanted to share with. This photo was sent by a good friend Mr. Rodney Dofort who is in charge of the Carnival Corporation’s casinos. The photo shows me and Captain Marco Nogara presenting a lady with a large cheque (spelled correctly) representing the amount she won on the Megacash Slot Machine which has a linked jackpot between all our ships.

Here it is:

Me and Captain Marco Nogara presenting a lady with a large cheque (spelled correctly) representing the amount she won on the Megacash Slot Machine

That was one happy lady.

Our casinos onboard are so friendly and so many guests remark that unlike other land based casinos, they never feel intimidated due to the friendly and fun international dealers we employ.

Now, for a bit of news. On Monday I will be posting the new itinerary for the Carnival Splendor which will be “hot of the presses,” I promise you it is well worth tuning in because it is FANTASTIC!

I just returned from a little get together for Heidi’s birthday with a few of the staff. Bob Dickinson and his beautiful wife Jodi stopped by which was very gracious of them both and we had a wonderful evening. We had photos taken with many guests some of whom are bloggers. I cannot wait to get you all together in January.

Hopefully Heidi has forgotten the fact that I wished her a “happy divorce” this morning and I can remove myself from living with the hounds!

Life is strange……………..think about it………………….what is a girl’s best friend……………………….DIAMONDS……………while a Man’s best friend…………………. IS A DOG………..That sums it up right there.


Your friends

John and Heidi.

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.