It’s My Party and I’ll Laugh if I want to

January 23, 2008 -

John Heald

There were three thousand happy, smiling faces today as the sun rose in the morning and decided to spend the entire day with us. There are a lot of red faces too as people from places such as Minnesota and North Dakota baked sun worshipped and ended the day looking like they had been slapped round the face a dozen times by a moody Britney Spears. Everyone was happy…………well…………..nearly everyone.

From: FREEDOM PURSERS
Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2008 9:10 PM
To: FREEDOM CRUISE DIRECTOR
Cc: FREEDOM PURSERS; FREEDOM CHIEF PURSER; FREEDOM ASSISTANT CRUISE DIRECTOR
Subject: 7*&^ – Bloggers Gifts

Good evening John,
Mrs. &*^%$ called the desk asking to speak to you immediately. She is unhappy with the complimentary gifts she has received for your blog cruise. She stated they are cheap and not worth any money. Please call her when you have time. Thank you 

Kind regards,

Livija Rajcic
Purser Carnival Freedom

Bugger……………anyway, I called the guest who as the above email states says the gifts are not worth anything and she especially thought the calendar was pointless. Now…………when I called her I started the conversation with the words…” Hello, sorry to disturb you, it’s John here “…………….she said…………….”who?”……………….now, far be it to say that she actually does not read the blog but saw 700 people receiving free gifts and thought ………oh, that’s good………..I will have some of that when in fact she has no idea who I am and has never actually seen my thingy…………………but you know what…………I think that is exactly what happened. Her name and cabin were not registered until the second day of the cruise when she did so at the hospitality desk……………..mmmmmmm………………the Sherlock Homes in me says she is telling pork pies ( rhyming slang ) and if I had video of our phone call I would have seen her nose doing a Pinocchio impression.
So, I apologized to Mrs. Pinocchio and said that I hoped she would enjoy the complimentary T Shirt on Thursday. I then asked her what her favorite blog was……….her reply………….” oh, I don’t know they are all the same “………I was going to press her further but saw no need to embarrass her further and said I would send her some champagne to apologize……….she seemed happy and hung up. I wonder what will become of my calendar, the bloggers bag and the T Shirt. I imagine the bag will end up as a receptacle for the build up this weeks dirty laundry, the T – Shirt will be placed in some dark draw never to see the light of day or stripped into rags to wash the bird poo of Mrs. Pinocchio’s windows at home. As for the calendar, well I am sure that will be thrown away as soon as she returns home, thrown in a garbage bag along with unwanted food and buried with tons of garbage. Then, 400 years from now it will be uncovered in an archeological dig and hailed as the most important find of century. It will be cleaned, restored and eventually hung next to Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa. Millions of tourists will beam over to see the Calendar . It will create the most important fashion trend of the millennium as millions of men dress in brown pants and a blue blazer that is just a little too small for them. Reading the calendar they will move out of their environmentally friendly computer controlled homes into a dog house. Entertainment will change for ever as the world forgets about inter active leisure and robot love. Instead they will search their home computers which will be built into their left buttock and controlled by thoughts for any reference to George Hamilton and Angelina Jolie……………..and mankind will wonder………………..who was this chubby guy and why were so many people wanting to see his thingy.

Wow, what a day. I had 73 letters to read out at the morning show. I could not of course read them all but I got through 40 or so and some were very special. Here is a small selection as we re introduce the In Their Own Words Section.

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At 11:00am I hosted a Q and A session which was attended by many of the bloggers. I was asked a host of questions and we even had some asked live from the blog with people writing in their questions as Stephanie and Roberto read them out. One thing that became clear was that the blog had somehow formed into a special community with people caring about each other and their problems. One lady asked me how long I would continue writing………..I answered that as long as people were reading I would be writing. There was also talk again of having the blog turned into a book…………maybe one day this may be so. Anyway, it was great to interact with my friends and it was a fun hour that we spent together.

Then I hosted my marriage show and that was followed by an hour of press interviews along with Tim Gallagher from Public Relations. The ladies and gents from the press were so kind and I was honoured to be in their presence and truly humbled that they wanted to write about my thingy. I thank them so very much for their time and I look forward to reading what they though of this first ever bloggers cruise.

It was at 4:00pm that heidi called me with some bad news. A pipe had burst backstage and the scenery and stage area was flooded…………I needed to come quickly. The first thing I thought of as I sprinted ………..well………….walked quickly to the backstage area was what we would do if any of the scenery was damaged. It was with this thought at the forefront of my mind as I entered the lounge……………I was so deep in thought that it took a few seconds to notice Big Ed and his Crew……..about 50 people…………all wearing the t shirts ……….were sitting in the lounge. However, as they all stood and shouted ” surprise” that I knew I had been played…………there was no flood…………..just a great group of wonderful people ready to make this the most special of birthdays.

I was asked to sit behind a table as Big Ed said wonderful things about me, the blog and the people in the room. I received dozens of gifts including:

A HUGE JAR OF 1000 JELLY BEANS
AN ASTON MARTIN WATCH
AN INCREDIBLE SCRAP BOOK CONTAING PHOTOS AND WISHES FROM ALL THE BLOGGERS
A BEAUTIFUL PHOTO ALBUM CONTAING A MEMORABLE PHOTO OF HEIDI AND HER DAD………..WE BOTH HAD TEARS IN OUR EYES ABOUT THAT ONE
BASEBALL CAPS
T-SHIRTS
MUGS
A SPECIAL TWO DISC CD CONTAING ALL MY FAVORITE SONGS
THE LIST GOES ON AND ON
A PHOTO OF GEORGE HAMILTON AND ONE OF ANGELINA JOLIE
AND SO MUCH MORE

One of the highlights was as they gave me the 1000 jelly beans they all put on surgical masks should my jet pack go into overdrive. It was funny watching people not involved in the group walking into the lounge and seeing everyone wearing protective masks and turning away as quick as they could certain that we all had Uba Buga Plague.

The over highlight of this amazing afternoon was the cake. It was ” a doghouse”……………have a look at these photos and see for yourself.

John’s Dog House Cake

Dog House cake

 Facemasks in case of jelly bean exposure.

Face masks in case of jelly bean exposure

John’s gift of spotted dick 

John’s gift of spotted dick

Big Ed presides over the surprise festivities

Big Ed presides over the surprise festivities

Surprise, John!

Surprise John!

Warning! Jelly Bean Zone

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Afterwards we all had cake and the hugs and kisses came thick and fast. Big Ed, you are a star for arranging this and it was one of the best birthdays I have ever had……………………except my 16th birthday when I sat on the back row of the cinema with Helen Ferdinand!
The day got even better when I was told that we had raised $7040 for On the deck For The cure walk which will be held as we sail from Jamaica.

So, today the sun came out, the stock markets started their road to recovery, Papa Smurf spent $5 in the gift shop, it was warm enough for The mad conductor to venture outside, I have 1000 sugar free jelly beans to fuel my jet pack, I had a wonderful birthday, we raised thousands of dollars to help fight Breast cancer and heidi has just told me that after I have performed the shows tonight …………it’s Thursday……………….a happy birthday?………….you bet it was.

Goodnight
Your friends
John and Heidi
 

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.