Piste off about skiing

February 29, 2008 -

John Heald

I am sorry to report that the relationship between myself and the lady who thinks I am a racist reached new depths today and as much as I try to resolve this situation I have come to realize that the battle is lost……………….only Judge Judy can solve this one.

I had written a letter to the guest explaining that the fly on entertainer Marvin Bell had unfortunately been unable to join the vessel because he had missed his flight. She read the letter and immediately demanded through the Information Desk that I speak to her. So, this morning, after my morning show I put on my Kevlar body amour and a cup (size small) and headed off to meet her. This time I had asked she meet me in the conference room because I didn’t want to meet her in a public area and for guests to think we were filming a Jerry Springer episode in the lobby.

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The Apology of the Seas

February 28, 2008 -

John Heald

I upset someone yesterday…………..well actually I probably upset many people yesterday but I only know for sure about one. I received a comment from someone who read the blog and was very upset…………..here is what they had to say.

I like reading your blogs, but I have to take offense to the comments about Royal’s ships. Yes I’m a loyal customer to them, but wouldn’t have a problem trying new things; however with the comments I’m for sure not going to try Carnival. I use the same rule of thumb as if I was buying something for my business that if a supplier is going to talk trash about another company I will not purchase from them. Say good-bye to a potential guest.

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John Harshaw….and a Dream

February 27, 2008 -

John Heald

The following dream is sponsored by Nyquil.

I was on a beach………….we walked through the golden sand enjoying warm feeling beneath our naked feet…….I had taken my socks off long ago. She was wearing a white silk shirt which stopped short of her knees and occasionally the gentle breeze would lift her shirt revealing her brown supple thigh and her long brown hair as silky as the shirt she was wearing tumbled down her back.

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Breaking News

February 27, 2008 -

John Heald

Just heard the following from PA 007

John, I was just having a chat with a friend who has a friend who told him that RCI/Celebrity are about to cancel all their LA-Hawaii cruises.

I have no idea if this is true but it seems that the source was pretty good.

OK, back to my cubicle

Over and out

PA 007

The Oscar Goes to….

February 26, 2008 -

John Heald

There are complaints that make you go “Wow, you know what, they are absolutely right; why the heck didn’t we think of that?”  (more…)

Pieter de Bouwer….Pieter the Builder

February 24, 2008 -

John Heald

It’s 7:05am and I just made my first announcement………….and I sounded like I had a clothes peg on my nose. You will be glad to know that I will not be moaning on and on about my cold today but I will just say that I sound dreadful on the PA system this morning………………if Heidi saw me writing this she would say “wind your neck in” that’s wind not wind which I also have plenty of as well.

Debarkation started at 7:05 am and normally here in Miami I can make the announcements from the pursers’ office which allows me to mince around the Lobby saying goodbye to everyone however considering I look like an extra from the movie Outbreak I thought it best to stay in the cabin.

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An interview with Corrado the Builder

February 23, 2008 -

John Heald

I admit that like most men I am pretty pathetic when I am not feeling well ………….so today, that’s me pathetic then.

I have a cold…………a common cold and free with the snotty nose comes a headache and sore throat but most annoyingly……..sneezing attacks which when you are a public speaker is not good. The sniffles started yesterday and by this morning Niagara falls had moved into my nose, my head felt like I had been drinking Grey Goose with George Hamilton all night and somebody had lost their baseball which was now imbedded in the back of my throat……………..I was feeling pretty miserable.

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Captains Fantastic

February 22, 2008 -

John Heald

We slowed to just a few knots and were going so slowly that it actually looked like we were not moving at all. It was 10 o’clock and the decks were packed with people waiting to see this wondrous event. I have to admit I was a little nervous about promoting the eclipse as last time I had told the guests they would see a stunning meteor shower all they got was cramp in their necks and I got a guest screaming at me because nothing happened.

However, tonight the skies were clear and eventually after a few moments of nothing the eclipse started and as many of you will have seen for yourselves………….it was pretty spectacular. Anyway, the eclipse thingy was a brilliant success and once again I found something to compliment the incomparable voice of Pavarotti who sang Nesun Dorma on the big screen as this unique event slowly took shape. 

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The best of British

February 21, 2008 -

John Heald

I stood on the bridge this morning in Grand Cayman watching 12,000 cruise ship passengers being ferried ashore like an occupying force, armed to the teeth with sun cream and credit cards………….tenders were waiting for another tender to leave …………..I looked out at the gleaming buildings housing banking establishments from all over the world……….you could smell the money…………and it took all of my self control not to go out on deck, grab a bull horn and shout “Please, spend some of the money the ships bring you every day and build a bloody pier!”
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A short note regarding the Kimmett's

February 21, 2008 -

John Heald

As so many people have written so many beautiful words for Lindsay and her family I wanted to show you what her Father wrote about his angel. (more…)

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.