A Miserable Blog

March 5, 2008 -

John Heald

I wake up every morning thankful for a new day, thankful that I am alive, I have a beautiful woman by my side, I have a great job, loving parents, great friends, thousands of blogging friends and most of all thankful that I am not French.

However, I have to tell you that yesterday was one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced…………forget guests who want to play Mahjong, forget people who think we shouldn’t have shore excursions featuring animals, forget people who think I am a racist and on fast track to a suite in hell, forget having a plastic pipe shoved up my back door by a large Turkish woman…………yesterday was tougher than dealing with any of them.

The doctor had told me to get some rest……….”Stay in bed and heal,” he said……….. well………..that is easier said than done …..in fact it would be easier to find a Frenchman who knows what soap is.

You see, the only way I can take it easy is to stop working……….don’t be a CD …………….and let the staff run everything………and that’s just something I cannot contemplate.

However, at 9:30 am this morning as I began my Morning Show and started to read the 30-plus letters I had received I started to think I may have made a mistake. I can handle the grin that makes me look like the Joker as played so brilliantly by Jack Nicholson in the Batman movie. I can handle the fact that one eye is covered and the other blinks more times than Lighthouse. I can handle the fact that I have no taste buds and even if someone gave me a pint of chili sauce garnished with drizzled Skunk I would taste bugger all. I can handle the fact that the Prednisone I am taking has caused me to stay awake at night counting the huge amounts of farts that explode out of my bottom………..I reached 34 in an hour last night.

I can handle the fact that the mixing of Prednisone, Acyclovir and my Glucophage Diabetic medicine has me singing “Somewhere over the Rainbow” when I look at my poo. I can handle the fact that the same medicine has my pee smelling like a Walgreens Pharmacy counter. I can handle the fact that the left side of the outside of my mouth is drier than the Sahara and the fact that every hour I have to wipe of the various agricultural products that seem to be growing there……….I think they are organic though.

I can handle the fact that my left ear amplifies every sound a thousand times so even typing these words sounds like Ozzy Osborne and Black Sabbath are playing a gig in my eardrum. I can handle the fact that when I eat and drink I look like a cross between a 1-year-old kid and Paris Hilton on her 23rd Red Bull and Vodka (allegedly). I can handle the fact that I have to carry a handkerchief with me so I can clean up bits of drool and spittle that cascade out of my mouth on to surfaces and anyone else who is in three feet of me.

I can handle the fact that this morning when I tried to spit out my toothpaste in the sink that most if it flew of to the left of me all over Heidi’s very expensive bottle of Clinique Zit remover and the subsequent visit to the dog house.

I can handle all of this………………………………..I just cannot handle the fact that this bloody thing has me talking like that cartoon cat with the lisp………………talking like Elmer Fudd…………talking like someone who can’t sound their P’s and S’s ………………..someone who shouldn’t be in a public speaking job.

So today I had my Cayman and Jamaica travel talk, the past guest receptions, two evening shows and one hour of improv comedy with my Marriage Show. I had to be very careful when saying specific words. For example, during the travel talk I was talking about the famous Stingray tour and how the animals like to taste the salt on your skin by “sucking” on your legs and thigh………..this got a huge laugh because my speech impediment changed the “S” to ……well you can imagine………..still …………having heard this more people bought the tour than usual.

By the end of the night, I had to hold the left side of my face and pull the cheek back in order not to mess up my words. Yes, the audience laughed as normal and yes everyone has been so kind and understanding onboard with guests even sending me cards and letters about their own personal experiences with Bells Palsy. However, as I sit here at midnight writing to you I have to tell you I feel deflated and a little despondent and half the Cruise Director I normally am………….I won’t give in though……….bugger that.

Here are a couple of Random Photos

Random Photos

Random Photos

Random Photos

Here are today’s letters from the In Their Own Words Section.

In Their Own Words

In Their Own Words

In Their Own Words

In Their Own Words

In Their Own Words

Once again I reminded that this blog has the ability to reach out to friends whom have never met. Such is the case tomorrow morning when Maria has her breast cancer surgery. I know it would mean the world to her if tomorrow morning thousands of people across the world were thinking of her……………..let’s make it so…………………thank you all.

It’s time for some Q & A.

I want to thank each and everyone of you for all your kind comments regarding the anniversary of the blog. It truly is quite amazing to think that we have all been together for one year. Here is to year number two.

More importantly, I want to thank you all for your comments that show your compassion and caring for your fellow blogger Susan and Maria as they face the tough times ahead. On no other cruise blog or board have I seen such kindness and therefore, once again, you have all made this blog the best there is. Thank you all.

Saying this, however, there are many comments I won’t have time to answer and I will try and concentrate on those who ask specific questions or once that I feel require immediate feedback. Please keep the comments coming. I read every single one and they continue to get me through my own tough days.

Here we go. To skip the Q&A, click here.

CAROL SCHOENBERGER – Hi Carol. Great to hear from you as always. Will you please remind me 2 weeks before you sail on the Carnival Miracle and considering the difficulties you had on your last cruise, I will do everything I can to make this one so special? The lady who gave me a hard time because we had no Afro-American entertainment on board was traveling as part of a Baptist Church Group. Although, I must say, she was the only vocal one when it came to this subject. I am trying to put her out of my mind, just because I failed in my task of making sure she had a great time. I am sure Cunard would welcome the bloggers and Big Ed’s Evil Crew and it would be very enjoyable for us all to experience a historic sailing on a Cunard liner. If enough people sign up for this then maybe we can make it happen. Heidi and I send all our best to you, looking forward to hearing from you soon.
DWA76 – I just wanted to say a special thank you for you for your continued support. You never ask direct questions and sometimes therefore, I don’t reply, but thank you for everything you say.
MIKE KIMBERLY – Thanks Mike. It seems Bell’s Palsy is more common than I thought. I hoping my recovering time will be quick. Thank you for your concern. It means the world to me.
SHERYL  – I am trying Sheryl to make the best of it. Reading your “thinking of me” helps. Thank you.
NANNI – Thank you for the huggos. I really need them at the moment.
ROBIN IN NEW YORK – Without Heidi I would never get through this. She is my Mother Theresa, my Florence Nightingale and if she put those boots on that I bought her, she would be my Jessica Simpson. Hope all is well. Cheers!
DOC F – My PETA guy seems to be calm and I have not heard from him since my last conversation. I hope this remains so for the rest of the cruise. Sometimes I am really rotten as well. Thanks for reading the blog thingy. Cheers!
ROBERT – I am not sure Viagra will help. My face is stiff enough already.
KANUCK CRUISER – I am glad you liked the patch. I feel like a pirate. What’s a pirate’s favorite Caribbean island??? Aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuba. ……….Hope the snow melts and the sun shines on your Caribbean cruise. All the best from us both.
MICHELLE – I now got your cabin number. I will make sure I will pass this on to Ken. Now, I can’t remember what you want. Could you please put everything together for me in one posting? Thank you Michelle.
RICK AKA SEAN CONNERY LOOK A LIKE  – Saw your photos, you remind me of Sean in his later Bond years and in that movie he did with Catherine Zeta Jones. Who could forget those tight-fitting leather pants……….Catherine’s looked good as well. Thanks for everything, especially your kind words.
CINDY STEELE – Goodness me Cindy. It’s been a long time since I have heard from you and how can I ever forget the wonderful times together back with Francine. I was so sorry to hear about Gloria, who passed away so suddenly. She cut my hair once and we laughed through the whole process. Please pass my deepest sympathies to the family and please keep reading and one day, maybe you and Francine will walk up the gangway together and we can relive the old times.
TOM AND JANE – Very funny. Can’t stop, time for a steak.
MARK – Thank you, I hope also that this Elephant Man thing I have lasts a short time. Thanks for thinking of me. Hope all is well with you.
LINDA FROM MICHIGAN – Just wanted to wish you a great cruise on the Crown Princess. I have no idea who the Cruise Director is or if he or she even knows who I am but nevertheless please pass my regards to him or her. Hope to see you very soon and have a great time on Princess. Tell us all about it when you get home.
KUKI – Hello mate. I am glad you had a laugh when you saw me and my patch. It was scary at first but it could have been so much worse. What do you think about a Cunard bloggers cruise? What’s your opinion mate? My best to Mrs. Kuki and all my friends at Cruisemates.com
CAPTAIN BILL – My father sends his best regards to you and it would be nice if one day he would be able to shake your hand. Thanks for all your kind words. Cheers.
MYRA BUSHNELL – You asked how to get your picture posted beside your comments and honestly, I haven’t got a clue. I am sure STEPHANIE will be able to direct you.
It certainly would be nice to see who you are. I did think about getting one of those proper black patches but unfortunately we didn’t have any on board. I was thinking about being an Irish pirate and having patches over both eyes.
You asked about the kids on board and if we had security patrolling the vessel to make sure they are safe and don’t launch any lifeboats. Yes indeed we do. The ship is constantly patrolled by our hard working security officers which is why incidents are very rare. As always it’s great to see your postings and Heidi and I send you our finest regards.
BIG MIKE – If there is one week I can do with you here, it’s this week. Just in case you know who sees me eating a tuna sandwich. Have you got my back?
JETSKIER – I am sorry to hear about your wife’s Bell’s Palsy that lasted 6 months. If mine lasts that long I can see myself going completely mad, changing my name to Jean Claude and move to Paris. Thanks for your concern mate. It’s great to see a posting from you.
CRUISING SAL – And thank you to you too. I actually have type 2 diabetes and have had so for 2 years now. As I mentioned my sugar level has increased but the doctor tells me this is normal with all the steroids I am taking. My thanks to you for such concern. You are very kind.
ANDREA – I am not sure what you mean by having my blog bookmarked but it sounds like a compliment. You asked about the Carnival Destiny and what will happen to her in dry dock. The answer……lots. Complete refitting of the public rooms and cabins as well as the addition of a Big Screen Theatre on Lido deck, all of which will make your honeymoon cruise so much more enjoyable. I wish I could be there with you………..not in the cabin but for your cruise. If there is anything else I can do before you sail, please let me know.
STEVE HIGHWAY – Of course I know the hotel. In fact, Heidi and I have both stayed there. It is the most famous hotel, arguably, in Amsterdam and the Amstel Intercontinental is where all the stars stay, including George Hamilton who was seen entering the hotel and famously had a beautiful lady with him who had obviously done the packing and was carrying all the suitcases. You will have a fantastic time there and if you need any other recommendations, please let us know.
BIG ED – Thank you for helping Myra, mate. What do you think about a Cunard bloggers cruise?
DMEOS – I am glad someone took the time to write to mention the fantastic Chukka Cove horseback riding tour in Jamaica. I respect and in some ways support the gentlemen from PETA however, to proclaim it in public the way he did was not, in my opinion, justified. However, most importantly, you loved your horseback riding tour and I assure everyone that Carnival will always promote animals tours that involve animals only if they are well cared for. Thank you Mary, I hope you continue to enjoy the blog thingy.
EDWIN – Just wanted to say Thank You for taking the time just to read the blog and to hear that it makes your day makes me very happy. Many thanks.
MARK TWAIN AND A HALF – I just wanted to say I have never felt like running up a bell tower than I do today. Thanks for the laughter mate.
CRAIG – Thanks for the words of support mate, I have never needed them more. Cheers!
JAKE SILVERBERG – You are welcome!
LINDA, MOM OF DJ – It’s a hell of a warning sign Linda and you can stand in your soap box as long as you want because I know you care. Say hello to DJ.
SOUTHERN DREAMS – Thank you for saying a special welcome to Sgt. Jeff Burney and his lovely wife Amy. I am sure you just made their day. Congratulations on winning the poker tournament Charlie and I hope you feel better soon Bonny.
Hope to hear from you both again soon.
JIMNI – I am taking very good care of watching my sugar level. Certainly, the steroids have taken it a few points higher than normal. The scale in the U.K. is different to that in the U.S.A. My level is usually between 4 and 7 but the last two days it has been as high as 13. I am taking extra medication. Thank you for all your kind words to me and to the family of the gentleman who passed away. All the best to you and your family.
THE LAWRENSONS – It seems Amsterdam is very popular with many bloggers taking pre-Carnival Splendor trips there. Apart from the places you listed, the only other one I would definitely recommend is the Flower Auction in Aalsmeer. You say you are looking forward to seeing the bulb fields, well the Flower Auction is something more spectacular. If you need further information please let Heidi know. Thank you and have a great time in Amsterdam.
JERI GREEN – I am not enjoying it at all mate but you are right, it will pass and the three things that keep me going are Heidi, my sense of humour and the dream “one day I shall be sitting on a yacht with George Hamilton surrounding by beautiful ladies drinking a Diet Coke and eating Iranian Caviar with my feet resting on a small Frenchman.” Thanks mate.
SHIRLEY CALES – I can’t believe you ordered a copy of the video of me and the Olson twins. Don’t blink or you miss me. You asked if I would play it on the Big Screen and with the greatest respect, I would rather play Titanic and the Poseidon Adventure. Let me know what you think and please send me an honest review of my performance. Thank you Shirley and enjoy the film.
JAMES – It’s wonderful to read that your kids enjoyed Camp Carnival so very much during your recent Carnival Triumph cruise. I have forwarded your comments to the team there and I hope that your children’s Christmas dreams come true because they will indeed see that Santa will visit the ship. Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer refused the carrots we leave out for them, preferring the chocolate melting cake. Merry Christmas.
GLORIA – What can you bring me from Canada you asked. Well honestly, if there is something it would be a hoody for Heidi with something Canadian on it, size XXXXXL ……….ok, that’s me in the doghouse……….size M. Will pay for it when we see you. Thank you for thinking of me and thank you for thinking of Heidi, see you in May.
WIL-DA-BEAST – I am glad my advise was helpful and the fact that you have done the climb to the top of the Leaning Tower Of Pisa means the Carnival Splendor will be a piece of cake. They don’t come much flatter than Holland and Denmark. The trans-Atlantic crossing will have many different activities, including Arts & Crafts, Lectures, Dance Classes and other surprises. Hope to see you soon.
DEANNA – You are right. I am sure my cold was the prelude to my Bell’s Palsy. Let’s hope it’s a short illness and thank you for all that you said in your posting and thank you for thinking of Heidi. We both send you our best.
GREG BALLDDAASSAARRII – TAKING NO CHANCES…..You are right, it was a real slap in the face getting this. I do hope Alan will be joining us next year, it is certainly his intention to be with us. Thanks mate. You are a true gent.
CROWN GOLFER – Dribbling is the worst of the side effects and there are pools of it all over the cabin. My stateroom steward changed my life jacket for a straight jacket……bugger.
LOIS IN A NURSESUNIFORMSKI – Wish you were here.
SHERYL PELTON – Thank you also for welcoming back Sgt. Jeff from Iraq and he and his wife Amy are two such lovely people. I know they have just read your posting and you have made them feel very special. Thank you for thinking of me and my eyebrow. It will be a cold day in Hell before I allow Heidi to use make-up on me. There are many people with similar blog names and I certainly will never forget Flip Flop Cruise Queen. I look forward to seeing your next posting under your new name. Thank you for being who you are, a very kind and giving person.
LONGIN2CRUISE – I was sorry to here that you also had Bell’s Palsy. I hope mine doesn’t last as long as yours. Thank you for thinking of me and you have no idea how much I appreciate it.
MARC G – As we speak, the Carnival committee is meeting to finalize the implementation of some of the ideas that we discussed during our conference. I cannot divulge any at the moment as you never know if people from Norway or the Royalty from the Caribbean or any Celebrities are reading this. I can tell you, you will very happy. More information will follow mate. Cheers!
LINDA HERNACKI – I wish you and Mike were sitting in the audience. In fact, this week I wish all my blogger friends were here. I need a group hug. Thanks again for always being there for me. Best to you both.
JASON COX – I have the Bell’s Palsy for 2 days now and I can only hope I recover as quick as your friend did and hearing that you love the blog so much already has me feeling better. Keep reading and let me know if you have any questions before you cruise again. Cheers mate.
CRUISIN GRANDMA – Thank you for including me in your prayers and I will indeed try and get as much rest as I can, although that is easier said than done. Thank you for your kindness Grandma.
DC IN SD – Seems that the idea of me getting a black patch is very popular so the hunt is on…Aaarrrggghhhhh…
JACK LUCAS – My goodness, Amsterdam is going to be full of bloggers. I don’t have full details on the Amsterdam tours yet, but following my trip there in early April, I will be ready to answering your questions. I do not believe we will offer a tour to the Red Light District and to answer your question if it safe is difficult. Heidi says it is very well policed, however, you may feel uncomfortable seeing what you will see. I know I was uncomfortable but only because Heidi caught me looking. I will answer your questions soon. All the best.
MARK – I am not sure if the Captain would appreciate me having an eye patch with a skull and cross bones. I am going to get one and I think if I have to wear one, so should Fun Ship Freddy. Thanks for sharing the fun mate.
PRINCESS ELAINE – I know you have been busy Princess and I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to say those beautiful words to Maria. As a survivor of breast cancer yourself, I know those words will mean the world. Heidi has promised to write a blog before the end of the week. However, she has been very busy cleaning up my drool….Thank you again Princess and our best to you and the family.
LISA K – Thank you very much. Your words are so kind. Please keep enjoying the blog and all the best.
DEBBY – It’s so nice that people who have had relatives suffer from Bell’s Palsy write to me and let me know there experiences. This is really helping me getting me through these times. So, thank you again and I hope you know how much you have helped me.
BIG ED – I am sure by now you have read the many postings of sympathy for Susan and Mr Cheap, her husband. We are all praying for her tonight. I know I can count on you to keep us in the loop. Another reason why you are so special mate.
MICHELLE HILL – Welcome back and I am so glad that we had you laughing so much last week. I was very surprised to hear about the problems of noise in your cabin 6267. I have passed this comment immediately to our engineering team so thank you for letting us all know. I hope it did not disturb you too much. Congratulations on your summer delivery and I hope if it’s a boy you call him John because of me and your toilet experience. It was wonderful to have you with us. All the best.
SUSAN V – Thank you and I will do my best. Having Heidi here makes everything so much easier.
LANCEANDILDAMISSINGTHEEVILCREW – The doctor agrees with you that Bell’s Palsy is brought on by cold and stress. Thank you for thinking of me and thank you for your kind words for a member of our blogging family who needs all our support and love. Heidi and I send our best regards to you both.
JENNIFER HAMMOND – I really do hate the eye patch. Heidi says thank you for thinking of her. Send our best to Danny.
BRIAN  – The move has been confirmed and your Cruise Critic meeting is now at 3:00pm in the Ivory Piano Bar, on Monday (formal night). See how the first meeting goes and if you do want another, I have instructed the Groups Coordinator and Jeff, the CD to expect a call from you to arrange a similar meeting on the last sea day. Hope this all works for you, I remain at your service.
JIM (JLEQ) – Please give my best regards to your parents and I do hope that we get to shake hands and say Bonjour! Looking forward to a fun time together. See you soon.
KICIASKI – Thank you, your condolences have been passed to the family. The final arrangements for the Naming Ceremony are taking place and indeed the people who are sailing on the first cruise will be able to witness the ceremony on board. Although it’s not confirmed yet, I do believe the ceremony will take place before departure of the 3-day cruise. I will let you know if this is the case as soon as possible. My best to you and George, can’t wait to see you again.
LV2CUISE – Just a quick note to say, thank you for thinking of me. You are a great friend.
LAMB KNUCKLES – It’s strange that Holland seems very popular all of a sudden. Heidi is asking what part of Holland your sister is from. It seems that a Cunard Queen Mary 2 for the bloggers is popular. While I don’t want to take any business away from Carnival, it may be an interesting experience and it is within the family. I am sure I can get some good prices it will just be a matter of when and where …………let’s see what happens. One thing that would worry me is that Lamb is featured on the menu a lot. Anyway, we shall see what happens. Thanks as always for the great posting and hope to see you soon.
STEPHANIE MARTIN – Thanks Steph and Johnny Depp is not a “patch” on me. Cheers.
ADAM M – I hope I am as lucky as your dad and this thing only lasts a few days. Thanks for the get well message mate and hope you continue to enjoy the blog.
BILLY JO – No Billy – Carnival continues to use the self-assist program which has been so very quick in the past. Last weeks process was a one off and for some reason CBP decided to carry out more detailed inspections which, of course, they have to do at times. I highly recommend self-assist to anyone who is on a tight schedule and is able to maneuver their own bags. Hope this helps Billy and let me know if you need anything else.
PEANUTS – My friend from PETA has been fine since yesterday and tomorrow in Cayman hopefully he will not see anything that makes him mad again. I am trying not to be miserable about my face but it is not easy. Hopefully though it will be over soon. Thanks for the kind words and thanks for not mentioning the Heat and the Pistons. Cheers.
SANDY – Indeed, family is what we are. I thank you for your inspirational posting Sandy and I hope we are able to share laughter together again soon. All the best.
CASSANDRA – please do not be nervous about taking the twins on their first cruise. The Camp Carnival staff on the Carnival Glory is fantastic and will have activities and events from early morning that carry on through to late night baby-sitting. You can sign the kids out and in when ever you please and I promise that the girls and Fun Ship Freddy will keep them entertained and safe while you and Dad have a fun relaxing time. Please don’t worry and if you have any specific questions please let me know. I am glad you are enjoying the blog thingy and my best to the family.
TERESA C – Thanks so much for the get-well message…..you are most kind.
CATMAMA044 – I have a feeling that I may have this thing for a few weeks. I hope of course I am indeed wrong. I want you to know that I appreciate all your kind words and I will do my best to rest as much as I can. Thanks again and Heidi and I send your kind regards.
BETTY BOOP BIG AHUNA – The Prednisone seems to have me thirsty all the time and considering I dribble when I drink at the moment I am using a straw with everything………..even my cup of tea………….that sort of thing really gets me down. Maybe one day I will get into Boston Legal but it’s just seeing Captain Kirk there……..it throws me off. Thanks for the nice words as always and I hope I see you both soon.
NICO R – I am sure your grandmother would make a wonderful Godmother ……….maybe we can make her Godmother of one of the lifeboats. Please send her my best regards mate.
JANE – It worked………thanks for the laughter…….got any more jokes to share?
CHAZON – I will be taking Supper club reservations for Carnival Splendor beginning July 1. I promise you will get the time of your choice. There is no staff there to take your reservations at the moment of course. I look forward to sharing your anniversary cruise with you and let me know in July about your reservation. Cheers.
CHERI – I know what you are talking about now. What are you missing from your collection, can you remind me please. Hope all is well and I will wait to hear from you.
BIG ED – Don’t worry about Cunard details mate. If indeed we were going to do this I will make sure we do this properly and as a big group. I agree with what you are saying and the “class” thing you mention really never shows. You see the same shows and all the facilities are open to you except the Grill dining rooms. However, it would be such a thrill and when I have time mate I will investigate further………….it may never happen…………or indeed it may……….I just thought it may be a nice thing to consider. Hope you and the crew are well and I have a copy of your Houston Chronicle interview in my scrapbook now.
RUS AND NINA FRANKLIN – You know, I have to watch Boston Legal again. Heidi has the box set and maybe I need to see what she sees and discover for myself why this has taken over from Desalute Housewives as her favorite program. I miss the West Wing, Sopranos and Entourage and although I never have time to watch TV anymore I also like The Shield as well. Thanks for the kind words……….I wish I was 12 again. Cheers to you both.
NANI – Big Ed has a heart the size of his SUV and the rest of his crew are exactly the same. I hope receiving a huge bunch of flowers made you bad week better and as always Heidi and I are thinking about you and send you an extra grande hugo. Please also send one to your beautiful family.
SUSAN PGH – probably………never thought of that. Thanks for the advice ……….. write soon.
REBECCA – Tai-Chi…………what is that?……….is that like Kung Fu or is it the one where you arrange furniture in a spiritual way?……….I am joking, of course. If you are serious about teaching this onboard while you are here I would need you to send a letter to Chris Prideaux , Director of Entertainment at our Miami office. I certainly think that some of our guests may be interested in taking a class. The Carnival Splendor’s trip out of Genoa will be a marvelous adventure and it would be wonderful if you could join us for this. Let me know how you get on and I will see you very soon. Please send my best to the family.
LOIS SPOTTEDDICKSKI – With a name like that its you that should see the doctor 🙂
LINDA POLANCIH – Thanks for writing Linda and last week was indeed a great cruise with all those wonderful characters on board. I hope now that you have discovered the blog thingy that you will read it as often as you can and we all welcome you to our family. Thanks so much and Heidi and I send you our warmest regards.
LINDA HERNACKI – I think it’s the drugs 🙂
LORIE CLEMENTS – The weeks after 9/11 were difficult for everyone and knowing that your cruise with me following that terrible day meant so much to you makes me feel very special indeed. I am so sorry to tell you but I will not be onboard the ship when you cruise. Todd Wittmer will be the CD and he is the best………you will love him and I know have a fantastic time. I am sorry I cannot be with you and hope one day soon we can meet again. Please keep reading the blog until then and all the best.
PRINCESS ELAINE – I will start seriously thinking about a QM2 cruise in a few weeks. I guess I spoke a bit early bit as so many seem to be saying YES I may have to step this up a bit. I will let everyone know ASAP. Thanks Princess and maybe you will meet your Queen very soon.

That’s it for now…..that’s not easy to do with one eye and thanks to Heidi for taking over.

I was asked about some tours for a blogger sailing on the Elation…………I am so sorry I forgot who that was………here are a few bullet points and if you need anything more please let me know.

This is from the CD on the vessel.

Top tours in Cabo for the younger and older crowds.

CABO BY LAND AND SEA. This is very popular with the slightly less adventurous and older crowd. Perhaps like what you have there. A sightseeing tour that includes a boat ride up close to the lands end rock formations, and then a city tour with a major cathedral and local glass blowing factory.

WHALE WATCHING AND COASTAL CRUISE. This is seasonal to the winter though spectacular.


For the younger and thrill seeker.



Hope this helps.

Here are two photos for you of me and one of carnival’s longest standing Entertainers Mr. Eddie Capone…………yep…………..that is his real name.

The first photo was taken in 1992 when I was a Social Host and Eddie was a Cruise Director. He taught me a lot and we had a lot of fun together.

The second photo was taken backstage last night after Eddie and I had performed a show together.

Me and Eddie

Me and Eddie

Me and Eddie

We have not changed a bit have we?

I must not let this affliction take away from how well the cruise is going so far. We have a very mixed bag this week with spring breakers, singles, families and a lot of older people but they all seem to be get along together very well. I wanted to mention about how amazing people are onboard. I read a letter out on Sunday about the young lady who was sexually assaulted and was taking a cruise to spend some quality time with her family — the same letter I printed in yesterday’s blog. It was a very personal letter to read and maybe not the normal thing to mention on a “Fun Ship ” cruise.

However, I did and after reading this out I received a letter from a Mrs. Fairclough who offered her services as a counselor. She is here with a group of 40 psychologists and she runs a very successful practice in California specializing in such matters. Anyway, she offered her services for free and after mentioning this to the family they were more than happy to meet her. Well, I just spoke to Mrs. Fairclough and tomorrow in Grand Cayman she is going to give up her day and spend time with the daughter and family and help them in anyway she can……………..is that not just wonderful? I will be looking after Mrs. Fairclough and she will be dining in the Supper Club later this week with my compliments……………would this happen in a hotel or resort ……….well, you know the answer to that one as well as I do.

Now, I have been offered the chance of something that I have been told will help change me back from being the Elephant Man to my normal George Hamilton boyish good lucks……………..however………….it is something I have never considered before………ACUPUNCTURE.

We now have a therapist onboard who specializes in this and other Chinese herbal remedies. I have to admit at always having been a bit skeptical about these sorts of things……………sucking on Bat droppings to relive back ache or drinking crushed Tiger penis to improve my manly capabilities has always sounded like a load of old bollocks to me……………..

However………I am told that these little spikes, dipped in some sort of ancient sweet and sour sauce may indeed help…………..I am considering this as this thing doesn’t improve soon than I will have it done. At this point I am prepared to try anything and if they serve spring rolls and Kung Pao beef while shoving spikes in my head………….well………..I am on my way.

So, please forgive me if I have been a little negative here today but one of the advantages of having you all out there is being able to talk to you……………..thanks for listening

Good night

Your friends

John and Heidi

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.