The greatest t-shirt….in the world

March 7, 2008 -

John Heald

One of the things I was so looking forward to about coming back to the Caribbean was spending some time ashore in Ocho Rios which as I have said before is one of my favorite ports. Last time we were here I had a cold and couldn’t face the hot sun…….today, once again I look out of my window and see the beautiful greenery, golden beaches and the crispy pieces of Jerk Pork barbecuing at the beach side restaurant ……………. and here I am once again, stuck on board. I guess there really is nothing stopping me going ashore, its just that with the thing I have that I promised I won’t mention in yesterday’s blog……..well…….I am not really in the mood.

Last night I performed the guest talent show and bedtime story…………it went well……….I got through it…………the audience seemed to have a great time ……….but once again I new in my heart of hearts that I was not firing on all cylinders and therefore not anywhere near my best …………..hold on…………….stop……………….listen to me whining on and on…………..right……….I need to get myself out of this labyrinth of personal doom and despair…………..I am going to slap myself in the face………..here goes……………bugger that hurt……………..did it work?………………….nope…………..
I need something scarier to snap me back to my senses………………oh, I know……………….let me look at myself naked in the mirror ……………… hold on………………..ok, I am back…………that didn’t work and now I need a new mirror………………hold on………………..ok……….I have an idea………standby.

Ok, I feel much happier now and there will now be no more misery and self pity on today’s blog…………….what snapped me back to my senses and made me realize how happy I am………………….this did.

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I could have been him………………now that’s an affliction

Let’s have a bit of fun and with that in mind who better to provide that then one of your fellow guests…………this is from yesterday’s log.

Guest:_________ Owner: (JEAZ) Jessica Zanolari
Cabin: _____ Booking#: _________ Added-Changed: 03/05/08 – 03/05/08

8401 – Crab Bite

Mr __________came to the Shore Excursion Desk and then to the Purser’s Office to complain that he was bitten by a crab while swimming at Seven Mile Beach in Grand Cayman. Guest was not on a tour from the ship but went to the beach that was recommended by the Cruise Director in his travel talk. he was just standing in the water when he felt a sharp pain on his small toe on the left foot and saw a medium sized crab biting him. Guest was offered medical treatment but refused however was upset that he had not been warned that the beach may have crabs in the sea and passengers should have been warned ahead of time. Purser explained that we could not possibly know what is there but guest wants his comments documented and to talk to John the CD.
Tasked to CD and follow up.
John – please review other 7 comments from the report from guest regarding other situations.

There really has been an “animal ” theme running through this cruise. I am sitting here writing to you and thinking that surely, some of you must be thinking ………ok………..he has run out of things to say and this has to be made up…………..nope……..it’s real.

So, I called the guest and he was adamant that there should have been some kind of mention in my talk and in the written information that Crabs and other sea life………..well…………may live there. I apologized, again offered him medical assistance which he again declined and was about to offer him some warm butter and mayonnaise but stopped myself just in time.

The guest though then changed tactics and caught me by surprise. He is traveling alone and although he said he did not care for the other guests onboard and found the ship to loud he was very impressed with the crew and how friendly they were………..I immediately felt bad for even thinking of offering him some cocktail sauce for his crab bite.

Anyway, I apologized and said that I would use his story in this blog and during my talk to warn others that there…………ummmm…………..crabs in the sea. I did mention that this was a very unusual incident and he seemed pleased that I had called him.

So be warned, if you are paddling in the sea at Seven Mile Beach watch out for Colin the Crab………….he has a toe fetish.
I would like you to meet a special chap from the Talent Show last night. His name is Chief Raven Wolf. He is part of the Apalachee Tribe and last night he spoke proudly of his heritage and then played some beautiful music on his traditional flute style instrument………it was beautiful and the sort of music that leaves the hairs on the back of you neck snapping to attention. Anyway, it was a lovely moment and it was something everyone in the audience really appreciated as did I.

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OK, going to go and have a walk around the ship and to Lido for lunch…………no Jerk Pork but a bowl of Mongolian Wok should be nice…………back soon.

It’s now 3:24pm and I am sitting here waiting for the Captain to switch on the engines and take us to Miami……….however…….we are waiting for three ladies………Pauline, Lou and Michelle………three friends …….all aged around 25 ……..and all about to get a great photo of the ship as we sail away. At this stage I have paged three times for them and asked if anyone who maybe traveling with them to let us know where they may be or if they have a phone with them so we can call.

Sometimes, when I page people they are actually onboard as our computer entry system is not infallible. However, in this as in most cases……the girls are simply not onboard and we have no idea where they are. The manifest tells me they are in the same cabin and are all from Maryland……….stand by.

Ok, they just walked on at 3:31pm………..they are three very lucky girls……….let me call them and see what happened and if they are OK.

Indeed they are ok and seem very happy having drunk a vat of something green at Margaritaville. Its such a difference here in the Caribbean then in Europe………….In Europe people miss or nearly miss the ship because they have been off exploring Pompeii or Capri or have become lost in the alleyways of Venice. They have missed the vessel because they took a taxi to see The Grand Mosques of Istanbul and are stuck in the nightmare that is Istanbul rush hour.

They have missed the vessel because they have been so impressed at the wonders of Pisa, Tuscany and Florence that they decided to join the ship the next day in Rome. They have been late back because seeing the old town of Dubrovnik and hearing the emotional tales of the troubles and hatred that nearly destroyed the most beautiful town in the country had them forgetting about time……………..here in the Caribbean…….people are late…………….because they were in the bar!

Congratulations to the Holland America Eurodam blog which has hit an incredible 250,000 readers. The ship is getting close to sailing now and I highly suggest you have a daily read of what is happening………it is really fascinating. The link thingy is at the side of the blog so click away.

Here are today’s Random Photo selection.

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The purser’s

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The dancers

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A photographer

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Fun in the dinning room

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Service with a smile

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Dinner time

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Bread anyone?
Here are today’s Letters In Their Own Words

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Let’s push on with the comments. Once again thank you to everyone for their kindness to Susan and Maria. I have no further updates on either yet but maybe Big Ed will be able to tell us more about Susan soon ……….. until then lets keep them in our thoughts.

Here we go.

LINDA POLANCIH…………………..I am very happy to hear that you had such a wonderful time with us last week. Please do not worry about me I will be fine and I also hope that the DVD’s you purchased of my shows will keep the memories alive until the next time you walk up the gangway to join us. I hope that day comes really soon. My best to you and the family.
LOIS NEWJOBSKI………….Thanks as always for the kind words of love and support. I hope your new job is going well and I am sure that with your personality and fun outlook on life you will soon be Lois Employeeofthemonthski. Miss you.
GREG B………….I think I will do the acupuncture mate. As you can see from one of the letters I just posted there have been other guests who have recommended I do it as well………..maybe tomorrow I will give it a go. I try indeed to keep my sense of humour alive……….its my best weapon of defense at the moment………..and Heidi of course. Thanks for all the kind words mate and those you reserved for your fellow bloggers. Cheers.
PEANUTS…………Yes, let’s have a bet on the next season of the NBA. It seems my heat showed some charity to the boys from Toronto on Wednesday but next season they will drink Canada dry! Thanks for the kind thoughts and its words like this that keep me going. Heidi and I send you our best.
LONGING 2 CRUISE………Going to give it a go………..thanks for the words of encouragement., you are very kind. Thank you also for those beautiful words for Maria.
DEMOS…………..I think you are the first to call me cute since I got the BP………..you just made my day. Thanks.
TOM AND JANE………..Cute……….and now sexy………….maybe this BP thing isn’t as bad as I thought!……………yes, it is 🙁 Hope you are both well and a big hello from us both here.
CHERI BOLCHOZ………..I am making investigations on your behalf on the coins and I will get back to you. I am sure I can help you out. Unfortunately, the lithographs given away in the dining rooms have stopped production. This may be more difficult. Getting a tattoo of the Carnival Funnel is indeed dedication of the highest order. I congratulate your husband on his taste. I think I will get one on my bottom, although I will not need the actual smoke coming out, that bit will be taken care of naturally. Thank you Cheri, I will get back to you soon.
KATHLEEN………Of course I remember you and your bucket list letter was very popular. I picture you now rocking away to Jimi Hendrix on guitar hero. I am sure one day we will be able to have a photo taken all together. Until then, I hope you read my blog every day and let me know the next time you achieve something else on your list. You are my hero.
NANNI………….Thank you for suggesting that I stop blogging for a bit and I can understand how much you care. Actually, I am finding it helpful to blog because no one reading it will actually hear my speech disability and I can be myself. Thank you for such kindness and I hope you and your family are all happy. You have two beautiful children and you should be very proud of them. Muchos Huggos.
CUISING EAGLE………..I am glad you saw the recommendations for the Carnival Elation. Please let me know if you have any other questions. I will ask the Cruise Director for his input on excursions in Ensenada. Like your son, all my drinks are also through a straw. It’s a strange feeling especially hot tea. I will be in touch soon. Best to you and your family.
MORT13ERS………….I am glad you enjoyed the photo of Eddie Capone and I am sure you have some unbelievable memories of Eddie as your Cruise Director in 1988. I am afraid the greenhouse gases can not be controlled……..poor Heidi. Cheers mate.
ANGELA IN VANCOUVER………….Thank you Angela, your kind words and get well message was very kind. Thank you so much. My best to you and your family.
SALLIE…………..Just wanted to say a quick Thank You for your motivating words to Maria. Being a breast cancer survivor yourself I am sure this filled her with hope. Thank you so very much.
CRUISING SAL………………Now, the thought of Jessica Simpson doing that, just gave me the biggest lopsided smile you have ever seen. Thank you Sal.
LINDA, MOM OF DJ……………..I like it when you are on your soapbox. It means you are thinking of me which no matter how many times I say that, I mean it. How is DJ? Is he looking forward to his next cruise? I hope to see him soon.
BIG MIKE…………………I do not think I have ever eaten at a place called Fuddruckers and saying that word with a lisp sounds very funny. I make a deal with you. You buy me a Fuddruckers’ burger and I take you to the U.K. for the best plate of Spotted Dick you have ever had for desert. Cheers mate.
GLORIA………………..No, it’s not pleasant and I think acupuncture may be the way to go. I am blessed that so many people want to help me, which in itself is great medicine.
TIM TOSCHACK………..First of all, Heidi is very excited to hear that you will be bringing her a sweatshirt from Canada, especially as it has the make of her favorite Canadian beer on it. Thank you very much. Size M please. We look forward to seeing you on the Transatlantic Cruise where we will be joining you in Funchal.
RICK AKA SEAN CONNERY LOOK A LIKE………..Before I forget, what is your favorite Connery movie? Very funny, you had acupuncture had a pint and looked like the Trevi fountain…. Anyway, I think I will give it a go and I have indeed told Roberto thank you for sending me the photos of you. Thanks for thinking of me mate.
DIANE CRUZIN 2………………….If there were 2 things you would ask Heidi what I am not good at. One would be delegation and the other has to do with me leaving my underwear on the floor. If things don’t improve then maybe I will have to delegate more but I am determined to fight on. Thanks for caring, hope you are well.
BIG ED…………….Thank you for the great news on Susan. I am sure she will have weeks of rehabilitation ahead of her so please let her know we will all be thinking of her. Congratulations on continuing the friendship that grew amongst your crew on board even after you all disembarked. It’s amazing. All the best mate.
MISSINGTHESMOKEFREEPARADISEBUTNOWWANTINGTOBECALLEDJUSTJON………………Heidi is indeed still kissing me, although for some reason she demands to wear eye patches before she does. Thanks for your thoughts mate and I know you know they mean the world to me. Best to your lovely wife.
LORIE CLEMENTS…………….I am sorry to hear you also had Bell’s Palsy. How long did it last? At this point I am not sure which ship I will be on in March 2009, I should know more later in the summer and of course we will let you know. It would be great seeing you again and please keep reading the blog thingy until then.
LUCINDA MILLER………….Goodness, your eyes must be tired after reading each and every blog but I am honoured that you did. I was so upset to read about the bad experience on the Carnival Glory. Did you let Carnival’s Guest Relations Dept. know? If not, please can you send a more detailed letter to me and Stephanie will send it on to me directly. This will not be posted and I will send it on the someone in Head Office. I will try and let you know as soon as I can where I will be next year; however, it is a little too early to tell who will be the Cruise Director on which ship. Thank you for your kind words and please let me know what happened on the Carnival Glory. My best to you and your husband.
SOUTHERN DREAMS…………Thank you for thinking of us both as we do of you always.
THE DALGLISH’S………………Goodness me, Heidi is going to have to get a bigger suitcase. How fantastic, she would love a hoody from the mighty state of Colorado. Hoodys are her new thing so thank you for your kindness in advance and we will see you in July on the Carnival Splendor. Thank you. By the way, that is a good Scottish name.
EVA……….It sounds like you had a busy week at work. I am glad you found the time to catch up on the blogs. I am doing my best to rest, however, reading that you are laughing is great medicine for me. Thank you so much also for your prayers for Maria and Susan and for always thinking of Heidi and I. All the best.
SHARON DOVER……………..Thank you also for thinking of Maria. As soon as I hear any news, I will let you all know.
JIMNI……………You are the second person to call my lopsided smile “sexy” ……….What have you all been drinking? Seriously, thank you for your kind words and your thoughts and prayers are so much appreciated.
MARK TWAIN AND A HALF……………….Great jokes! I especially like the “first day with the new hook” joke. Very funny. I needed that and I thank you and your other half for taking the time to share it with me.
NICO R………………….I tell you what, I make a deal with you. When your grandmother comes on the ship, I am sure we can arrange for her to be Godmother of a life raft or lifeboat. If it will make her day, then that is good enough for me.
Keep in touch.
SUSAN V………………It’s amazing how many people are suggesting acupuncture if the Prednisone does not work. Thank you also for thinking of Maria and Susan. That is very kind of you. Please send me your letter to Chris Jefferson via the blog thingy and Stephanie will forward it directly to me and then I will send it on to him. He is a great chap and I know you will have a wonderful time with him. Look forward to hearing from you soon, all the best.
M AND M………….Thank you for the Happy Anniversary wishes and may I say a belated Happy Birthday to MICHELLE. I see some of the names you mentioned who served and entertained you during your cruise are still here and my only disappointment was that I was not there to share it with you. I am glad you have been reading the blog and I hope the next time you sail it will be my fortune to say Welcome Aboard to you both.
JOHN AND SUSAN IN FRISCO……………I had a nice day of rest today and I am sure that has done me well. Please know that I appreciate all your kindness and concern and reading your words makes me feel so much better already. My best to you both. Maybe I need a week of vacation in San Francisco.
ED MILAN…………….Thank you Ed. Heidi is working so hard, both on work projects and looking after me. Thank you so much for thinking of me.
DRIVERNC…………..Just wanted to say Thank You to both of you. I am determined to get better quickly and reading that you are thinking of me helps a lot. Cheers to you both.
WIL-DA-BEAST…………….I am humbled by so many people’s warm wishes for me to get well, so, a big Thank You to you for your kind words. My best to you and all my friends from Texas.
MICKEY’S PAL………..Hello Myra and thanks to Big Ed for showing you how to post a photo. Big Ed will keep us posted on Susan’s condition and you are right it is an amazing recovery. Thank you for thinking of me Myra and hopefully I will be back to my normal self very soon. Heidi sends her kindest regards to you, as do I.
KUKI………………..Send me those requests mate. I will make sure they will be taken care of. Remember I leave here on the 22nd of March. Cunard sounds like fun, I wonder if it will actually ever happen. Say hello to everyone on Cruisemates and let me know how I can help.
WANMAN………….Thanks for the great laugh, especially the mention of Mark Price, my fellow Cruise Director, being so ugly. I am glad you had a wonderful time on your recent Carnival Conquest cruise and hopefully you will be able to have some fun with me on board soon. Cheers mate.
PHILIP NEAL……………It seems as though Heidi has started something and all of you I know are now buying hoodys for her……you really shouldn’t. Normally, Medium is her size, how wonderful to think of her. The address to send them to is the one next to the blog attn. Chris Prideaux. Thank you again and if there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.
CRUISING SUE…………I am glad you had such a fantastic time with Eddie Capone at the airport. He truly is one of a kind and I have passed your words on to him. Thank you for thinking of me and your words of kindness are also very much appreciated. Cheers.
CRAIG……..Typing with one eye is not easy but the blog is therapeutic in some strange way. Thanks mate, hope all is well with you.
FLIP-FL0P-CUISE QUEEN……………..Thank you and hearing that I made you laugh so much makes me feel better already. Last night at the show 1,000 people were laughing hysterically and even though I may not have performed as I normally can it gave me strength to keep going. Reading your words has added to that strength and thank you also for those beautiful words for Maria. Thank you Cheryl for being such a great friend.
AARON……………Finding things to laugh about is so important. You don’t stop laughing because you are ill, I know it’s not always easy but I have to keep trying to provide laughter and find things to laugh at myself. Thanks for your kind words and your get well message. Cheers mate.
EXPAT-KANUCK…………..Here is a first. A Canadian living in Moscow who is been reading the blog but never posted. I remember the cruise on the Carnival Liberty which you shared with Howie Mendell. I will be glad to let you know about the top 3 tours for Costa Rica, Panama and Cozumel. Stand by for those answers coming up in the next few days. How is the weather in Russia? I will be in St. Petersburg in early April. Thanks mate, take care.
MICHELLE…………I forwarded your request to Ken. Thank you for wishing me a speedy recovery, hope your wish comes true. My best to you and Tom.
POPCORN GAL…………..I always do what Dr. Heidi tells me. I never let “them” get me down but sometimes it is harder than others. Thanks for your continuous support and all the best.
CAROL SCHOENBERGER…………….Nothing new yet on the Carnival Dream’s itinerary. PA has their nose to the ground and will let me know as soon as possible. Thank you Carol for being such a great friend and especially this time for your kind words for Susan and Maria. All the best.
LINDA HERNACKI………….Thank you and the next time I see you, I shall hold you to that kiss. Whenever you post, it is always to thank other people and I want to thank you for thinking of others so much. Please say a big hello to Mike.
JERI GREEN……….I am going to give it a go mate. At this point I have nothing to lose. I shall keep going for now, blogging ever onward as I know it means so much to so many people. Thanks for being a great friend.
CAROLIN AND DON………………..I realize that a Queen Mary 2 bloggers get together cruise may be too expensive and not something everybody would want to do. Maybe we should think about another Carnival one instead. Don’t worry, I would never do anything that appeals to just a few rather than the many. Your continuing thoughts for my best recovery are wonderful to read and I thank you so much.
DEBORAH ROSATO…………….What can I say, accept thank you so much for being my friend.
TERESA C…………….I don’t know, there is always been something about George Hamilton. He is my role model, surrounded by beautiful women, sitting on luxurious yachts, eating Iranian caviar and drinking chilled shots of Vodka and all he does to attract these beauties is lay in the sun. …….lucky bugger. Thanks for the fun Teresa. Thanks for being a great friend.
ANDREA………….Falling in love on a cruise is always special. I should know, it has happened to me many times. I do hope you find a time when you can cruise with me and I will let you know how the Kung Pao chicken works. All the best and I remain at your service.
BIG ED…………..The thought of the lovely Pat having a hot flush and using my thingy to cool her down is the stuff you usually find on the top shelf of a magazine rack. I would gladly come over and wave my thingy around if it kept her cool. Please send her my love.
DMINX…………..Your first post arrived alive and well. How are you? Welcome to blog land.
LINDSEY B……….Your timing is perfect. While I have been answering everyone’s comments I have also been doing as you instructed and doing my facial exercises. Lindsey, I know you are going to think my memory is going, can we just put everything together in one posting of exactly what you would like in the dining room, the dates, names and cabin numbers etc. as this saves me going back into the hundreds of postings. I will help as best I can. All the best.
RIKKI BOYCE……….Looks like, it’s acupuncture for me mate. Thanks for the recommendation. I hope you are well.
SUE K……………….Thank you for saying I am still handsome and may I suggest an eye test for you? Thanks for being my friend though. Please write soon.

That’s all we have time for today. Thank you for all your comments. I am trying to answer every single one, not just the questions for as long as I can. If I have missed anyone’s out, please resend. Please keep them coming.

One follow up on the lovely German guests who bared all on the Lido yesterday. PA 007 wrote this to me:
John, I did some investigation following what I read on yesterday’s blog and apparently that Nude sunbathing is allowed in a special enclosed area on AIDA ships……….another reason why AIDA is one of the fastest growing most successful part of Carnival Corporation. I am a naturalist myself so I think an AIDA cruise may be for me.

I would like to say hello to all the readers and I may have some more breaking news for you very soon……….back to the cubicle.

Thanks PA………….who would have thought it PA 007…………..a naturalist?…………..OK, cue the 007 sunbathing in the nude jokes.

I hope he doesn’t burn his Goldfinger.

Live and Let Fry
A View To A Thrill
The Man with the Golden Bum

The power of the Bloggers never ceases to amaze me and just a few days after I mentioned that having seen a guest wearing an RCI T – Shirt onboard the this ship that I would like to design a T Shirt that says “Climb This ” ……….and you know what……someone did. Have a look at this brilliant design by Lance.

T-SHIRT DESIGN TEMPORARILY REMOVED

Now, I do not expect that Carnival will sanction the sale of this T-Shirt in our onboard shops however I am sure if lance were to advertise a way that people could buy one direct from here via my blog thingy …………. that would bring a smile to everyone’s face. So Lance……..put me down for one XXXXL please…………….fantastic.

OK, that is it for today. I live in the hope that tomorrow I will wake up and be back to normal. I continue to take the medication although should I be concerned that because of my mixture of pills my bottom sounds like a coffee machine……….Cappuccino anyone?

Goodnight
Your friends
John and Heidi

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.