Don't forget to clean your teeth

March 19, 2008 -

John Heald

Today, Tuesday March 18th I retired………………………………from being a pirate. I woke up this morning and found that I could now blink my left eye. Yes, it may take me three hours to do it but I can blink and fully close my eye. I ran …….. OK……….I took the elevator down to the Infirmary and the Doc confirmed that there was a vast improvement.

Provided I put special drops in my eye and tape it up at night, my days of being a pirate were gone……………I ripped off the patch with delight and was so happy I felt like ripping off all my clothes and running around the infirmary naked………..but instead I said thanks to the doc and went for a cheeseburger.

So it seems Mr. Bell may have decided to bugger off after all. I still have very little movement in my face but I feel it tingling so that’s a good sign and without the patch I am as happy as a Frenchmen who has just inherited a 42-room mansion — none of which are bathrooms.

Good morning everyone. It’s now 5 pm and it’s been a very busy day. The weather although sunny has been very windy today and as we head for Grand Cayman there is always that concern at the back of your mind that being a tender port it may be too windy to operate. Certainly I have not heard anything officially but you sort of develop a sense that there may be a problem. I really hope I am wrong.

So we are four days into the cruise and things are going well after the missing lady incident of Saturday night. Overall the guests are having fun and I must pay tribute to the Camp Carnival staff who are doing a wonderful job keeping the near 1,000 kids happy.………however……………we did have one unfortunate incident as you are about to discover.

Guest: _________ Ref: 002721606A Owner: (YORO) Yolanda Oreiro
Cabin: ____ Booking#: __________ Changed: 03/17/08 – 03/17/08

Guest called from their cabin and said that their Grand Son _______ had thrown a pair of false teeth inside the toilet and flushed them away and now the toilet was blocked and making a continuous noise. Guest said that she needed her teeth back urgently. Purser called Chief Plumber and also chief security for incident report.
Follow up with CP.

Now there are times when you must read some of the things I write in my thingy that surely somebody must believe I have made up…………I would.

Nope………..this is true and when I read this I am sure I did what many of you did and had a good laugh. Although this incident has nothing to do with me it was one I had to investigate and henceforth I called the guest who by the time we spoke had her teeth returned. It seems her cheeky 7-year-old grandson was fascinated by the suction toilet system and had decided to experiment by throwing a toothbrush, a shower cap and eventually his grandma’s false teeth that were in a cleaning solution overnight in the bathroom.

Her teeth had managed to survive the journey from the basin to the pipe where they stuck fast without breaking. She did see the funny side of it and her grandson has since been warned that what he did was very silly and could have damaged the toilet system. This would not just have affected their toilet but 18 others in the area that work off the same unit.

However, all was well…………….the only problem she said was being brave enough to put her teeth back in………..she is a braver person than me……….I would have rather been gumming my food for the rest of the cruise than put a pair of slightly brown teeth back in my mouth! My fear was also that supposing the teeth had been sucked up into another guest toilet. Can you imagine the horror you would feel if you deposited your dinner, stood up and found a pair of teeth in there?

I have had my patch off for a few hours now and I have a headache. The Doc told me this would happen because I have not used my left eye for over two weeks. It really is throbbing and I think if you don’t mind I will stop for a bit and go and take some pills and have a lie down before the Past Guest Party ………………..back soon.

Here I am. I just returned from the past guest party where 1,322 guests were invited of which maybe 700 came along. Everyone had a great time and as it is the Captain’s birthday we the audience all sang for him. Tonight we have a special dinner for him as well…………………Happy birthday Captain

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Captain Orazio D’Aita’s Birthday Dinner

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Chief Engineer Stefano and Staff Chief Engineer Cesare

Following on from yesterday’s photos of your cruise directors here are a few more.

We start with Steve Cassel who is our longest serving CD. He is a brilliant violinist and a main feature of the country show on the Holiday. He is also a talented juggler and a has a totally unique personality as you will see from the photo he asked me to post which is of him “after I was abducted by aliens.”

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Paul Santley started his career in Liverpool and worked the clubs with many of the U.K’s favorite talents. Paul came to us a few years ago and has become a great CD. He has a huge repertoire of jokes that will have guests laughing all night long. Here is Paul who is currently serving onboard the Celebration.

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Finally today here is young Goose who can be found on the Carnival Ecstasy. He is very good looking according to the ladies and a few men as well although I personally think he has a face like a slapped bottom. Am I jealous of his youth and good looks……………….yep. Anyway, here is one of our bright shinning stars…………..Goose.

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Let’s do some Q and A. Once again I will do as many as I can so here we go

TERESA AND PAUL B………………..You are probably right that the parents were over protective of the young lady who went missing. Although, I must say, having met them and spoken to them in depth, this behavior was so out of character that they felt something had happened to her. Anyway, she has spent the remainder of the cruise enjoying some family time and hopefully this was a wake up call for all concerned. Hope you are both well. Cheers.

DARLENE………………………………..I think as kids, we have all caused our parents concerns. I have to say also that this young lady has shown total remorse of what she did. I am glad you are looking forward to the bloggers cruise and there will be more information soon. All the best from Heidi and I.

JENNIFER HAMMOND………………..I told Heidi, she said Thank You Very Much. I am glad you are able to access the web cam and tell Flat Joey I said hi. Cheers Jennifer, all the best.

BIG ED……………………………………You will probably find me in Kevin’s cabin as well if there is food there and I am sure you won’t be far behind me. I was thinking of you today on the Morning Show with Al Ernst. We paid tribute to you, hope your ears were burning.

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PRINCESS ELAINE………………Thank you for always thinking of others. That makes you such a special person. Heidi and I send our very best regards to you.

VICKI………………………………………I never understand the various formulas that women have for packing. Why is it we can do it in 30 minutes, yet it takes you 3 weeks? Anyway, I hope you are getting ready to join us here on Saturday and just in case I don’t see you, I want to wish you the most fantastic cruise. All the best from Heidi and I.

KATHIE……………………………………It’s funny after reading your posting, it brought back memories of my dad reading to me when I was a kid. He used to read my favorite books by a British author called Enid Blyton. There was a series called “The Famous Five” and my favorite book from the series was the War Cry. Dad used to read to me when I couldn’t sleep just as your husband Dan does for your grandson. Thank you for the great posting and I hope tonight you dream of the chocolate melting cake. Best to you and your family.

TERESA C………………………………..She certainly did learn her lesson and unfortunately, when a person is reported missing, the result is the 3:30 am wake up call. I have to say, this is only the second time I have ever had to do this in 20 years. Thanks for your kind words and let’s see what tomorrow brings. Cheers!

TERRI 910……………………………….I know, some people just are born not caring about their fellow human kind. It’s amazing, 3,514 people understood, one-man wanted money…………it’s a funny old world. Thanks Terri, it’s always great to hear from you.

GREG B…………………………………It seems I am the only one who prefers Heidi with long hair, as even you, my trusted pal are complimenting her shortness. I am glad you are enjoying the smiles and seeing a post from you brightens my day. Cheers mate.

SOUTHERN DREAMS………………..I know you are off on your next cruise soon, so just in case I forget and I may have already said this but Bon Voyage! Wish I was coming with you.

BIG MIKE CHIEF OF SECURITY…..If the man had said: “I couldn’t get back to sleep, is there anything you can do to help me?” Then, maybe, I would have been a little more sympathetic. However, to ask for one full days’ refund ……..well, you don’t need me to tell you how ridiculous that sounded. I could have done with my Chief of Security that night. Hurry up and get here. Cheers mate.

PETER AND SHANNAN………………When I am at home, I never seem to remember specific dreams. However, on the ship, my dreams are always so vivid and often contain George Hamilton. Should I be worried? I see you are another one who likes Heidi with short hair. I am suddenly becoming minority and that, I can tell you, pleases my wife a lot. We send our best to you both and hope to hear from you soon.

CAROL SCHOENBERGER…………..It’s funny but I knew you would like Heidi’s hair. I have no idea why we do not have clocks in the cabins. I am going to ask someone high up. We do have a clock on one of the ship’s TV channels but to see it you would have to have the television on 24 hours a day. However, come to think of it, I don’t think there is a clock in our cabin on the Queen Victoria. There is the obvious reason of time changes throughout a cruise but I wonder if there is another one. I will let you know Carol. I hope you prefer me with short hair as well. Cheers!

RUTH JAMISON………………………Mr. Bell is indeed still here, however, showing small signs of being homesick for the land of garlic and onions. I agree that as a parent you want to know your child is safe and thank goodness she was. Thank you for everything Ruth and all the best to you and your family.

TRADE WINDS (BOB)………………Bob, please send me your cabin number on a posting marked for STEPHANIE. She will then send me that information and I will arrange for your son to interview the Cruise Director, Jenny Baxter on the Carnival Legend. Looking forward to hearing from you soon and my best to you and your son.

FRANK 360……………………………Amsterdam is proving to be a very popular pre and post cruise stay for the Carnival Splendor. We certainly have first hand knowledge of the Radisson SAS hotel, having stayed there ourselves many times. The 2 major sights you mentioned, Anne Frank’s House and The Rijksmuseum are within a short taxi ride, however Anne Frank’s House is certainly within walking distance from your hotel. You also asked for us to recommend a romantic restaurant to celebrate your anniversary. There are many including the Excelsior Restaurant and the more hip Le Garage which is run by a famous Dutch Chef. However, you might want to consider an evening champagne meal on one of the canal boats, witch is very romantic. Hope this helps, have a wonderful time. Cheers.

PC……………………………………..Chris Jefferson will indeed be your Cruise Director. You may drop a letter for him 24 hours a day at the information desk. I know you will have a fantastic time and I would like to say Thank You for your kind words. Bon Voyage.

JASON…………………………………You are correct. Mr. Bell is now officially Monsieur Bell. Au Revoir……La Cheers!

RUTH JAMISON……………………I just read your conversation about Germany. One thing I can tell you, you really must see Berlin and I will be discussing more about the tours in April. Auf Wiedersehen!

LINDA MOM OF DJ………………..As a parent and especially one as caring as you, I knew you would understand how the parents of our missing girl felt. Tell DJ that he must not get stressed and one day very soon I will be able to make a fuss of him. My best to you and your wonderful family.

JOHN D………………………I know, $30 for a haircut, that’s like 20 Big Macs! You asked if we ever thought of having a curfew for kids. I don’t think so. I am not sure we have either the staff or the ability to enforce that. More importantly, we always hope that parents will enforce the various correct and proper rules and regulations on their kids. However, as you know, this does not always happen. Thanks for the great posting and I hope you are enjoying the Blog Thingy.

CRUISING SAL…………………….Will you be in Kevin’s cabin as well, I hope he has booked a suite. Cheers.

TXLADYDI…………………………..OK, that’s enough now. You all love Heidi’s hair and I am an idiot. I can see as a parent that you have had your scares as well and I can tell you that the parents were so worried and scared and even though they were angry, pure relief showed on their faces when they were reunited. I hope you had a good St. Patrick’s day and I hope to see you soon.

ROBERT……………………………..Just wanted you to know how great your last posting was and I wanted to thank you for all the kind words written by you and your lovely wife. We miss you here. Cheers!

JULIE C………………………………I am glad you found the blog and that you are enjoying an inside look at life on board. You know what, having read what you wrote about Bell’s Palsy possibly being brought on by the lack of B12 vitamins, I decided to discuss this with the Doctor. He said it couldn’t hurt and could possibly help. I wanted to thank you so very much for bringing this to my attention. Unfortunately, the tablets are the size of a discus but if they stop Monsieur Bell returning for another cruise then I will do whatever it takes. Thank you again Julie, you are so very kind.

DWA 76………………………………I was really surprised that a guest complained about the announcement. I would have understood if the motivation had not been money. Glad you are enjoying the blog and seeing your name always makes me smile. Cheers mate.

MARC G………………………………Everything you said is pretty much what I said to her. I certainly think that this young lady will not be causing similar problems for a long time to come. Cheers mate.

HEIDI-BETH AND KEVIN…………Monkey Tea is PG TIPS. A brand advertised in the 1980s by performing chimpanzees. It is a little stronger than Earl Grey and you may find it sold in Publix. One day, hopefully the five of us will have a cup of tea together. Cheers.

NICO R………………………………Thanks mate.

JIM (JLEQ)…………………………Thanks mate and the next time I am home and fill up my car at BP I will think of you. Cheers.

KATHLEEN (BUCKET LADY)……I was sorry to read your kids turned your hair grey and I think the parents of the young lady who went missing will also find hair of a similar color. Anyway, I know as grandparents you can watch your own kids raise theirs and hopefully you will find that more relaxing. Thank you Kathleen and see you soon.

BELLE 907…………………………You asked if you can get your passports stamped in some of the ports during the Baltic cruise. This will definitely be done in Russia (St. Petersburg) and certainly after I have visited the ports I will be able to tell you if this is possible in the other ports. Let me get back to you and until then I remain at your service.

LINDA THE MOUSE…………….Hello Linda. I have to admit something to you. I was very naughty today and opened my chocolate Easter eggs. Thank you for thinking of me. I cannot bring myself to talk about basketball anymore. This year is all about the team showing what they have that should keep them playing for the Heat next season. I am glad you realize that I will be in the doghouse a lot during the next few days while Heidi is packing. That is a certainty. Thank you again Linda and Heidi and I think of you often.

PHYLLIS SCHWINN……………Congratulations and it was so great to see a posting from you. We hope you and your family have many happy memories from your wedding last Saturday. I hope you continue to find the blog entertaining and I really thank you for your kind words. All the best.

MARK………………………………I am glad that your family enjoyed their Carnival Sensation cruise. I love the story about the stranger you met at dinner and I do hope that you have many happy memories. Thanks mate and welcome home.

BOB HICKLY……………………Correct Sir, my job is never boring and as long as it remains that way, I will always have material for the blog thingy. Thanks for writing, hope to hear from you soon. Cheers.

ESTHER VALLINS………………That’s his name. Gary Coleman…….I used to really like that show. Thanks for the reminder and thank you for the kind wishes for Heidi and I on the Emerald Princess.

LUCINDA MILLER………………I think you are right, as much as I know you love your family, bringing a 3-month-old baby on the cruise may not give you the relaxing time you are looking for. I think you both deserve a nice time together and maybe could do with a rest. Let me know if you need any other advice and I remain at your service.

DEBBIE VISSERS………………You asked about the couple that missed the ship when you sailed. They did rejoin in Cayman, however, unfortunately, it seems that the relationship was struggling somewhat because the following day in Ocho Rios, the wife flew home, leaving her husband on board. I didn’t feel that I should comment on this to all the guests. Thank you so much for writing in and I totally understand, as a parent, how you would feel if your 17-year-old daughter went missing. Heidi and I send our best regards to you.

JETSKIER……Congratulations on booking the Carnival Fantasy and maybe we can arrange to tow your jet ski behind this time. Have fun Dave. Cheers mate.

MISSINGTHESMOKEFREEPARADISEBUTFEELINGALITTLEBITILLSODOCTORCAROLINECANPAYMEAHOUSECALL……I have passed your comment on to the Doc and she will be around with a thermometer. I will read your blog this evening and I am glad you are stealing my material. It’s an honor. Cheers mate.

JOHN H………………………….That must have been quite a shock finding your 11-year-old missing at 2:45 am. It must have been a relief to see him sitting in the lobby talking to his new mates. Having been through this yourself you can imagine how our guests felt this week. I am glad both stories had a happy ending. Cheers

RUSH FROM MINNESOTA….Can you let us know what sort of hotel you are looking for? 3,4,or 5 star? This will give Heidi a little bit more information before she recommends an Amsterdam hotel. Please write back soon and we will send you our recommendations. Cheers!

MIKE AND LORETTA BROWN….Just wanted to say Thank You for the kind words of support and best to you both. By the way, I totally agree.

CRUISING SUE…………………….I am not sure but there is a very good chance that I may be with you next year. I don’t know for definite but it is certainly a possibility. Thank you for the best regards which Heidi and I return to you.

ED MILAN……………………………I try to share everything with you on this blog and I am glad that over the last 12 months you have enjoyed it all. Thank you for asking about Alan, who continues to surprise and amaze. Thanks again, hope all is well with you and your family.

JAKE SILVERBERG………………I love Eric Clapton and Heidi Dire Straights. Send our best to Grandma and we are looking forward to seeing you both soon.

LAMB KNUCKLES…………………Heidi is smiling a big smile when she read that you said her hair is outstanding. I love reading your postings, they are full of such passion and long may that continue. Heidi and I send a quick hello to you and all the little lambs.

RICK AKASEANCONNERYLOOKALIKE….I can actually picture Sean Connery writing to me having seen your photo. I am glad that the webcam helps to see your 3-year-old granddaughter. It is an important tool and one I know has made things so much easier for families apart. Have fun and please write soon.

KAREN R………………………………Four days to catch up, wow that is some serious reading. Keep your husband reading the blog and I am sure before long your husband will be booking the Bloggers Cruise. I certainly hope that is the case. Welcome back. We missed you.

RAY MCTEAGUE……………………Policy and procedure are very important on a cruise ship and you are absolutely correct in your posting. Thank you also for your praise on how we handled the situation, although I am not sure I can praise you regarding your comments on Heidi’s hair. Cheers mate.

CINDY 56…………………………….I think it did teach her a lesson, one she will never forget. Cheers.

DALE EDWARDS…………Great story mate and another example of what can happen when kids are involved. The lady who is looking for Catholic mass on her Carnival Freedom cruise will be happy to know that we have a full list of churches in all the ports where this is offered. This information will always be available from the Shore Excursion and Pursers Information Desks. On some cruises we will have a Priest sailing who will conduct onboard services but this is not every cruise. I hope this helps. Thanks Dale and all the best.

EVA………….Congratulations on booking two more cruises………..that’s fantastic. I am glad you are excited about Lance making your “Climb This” T-shirt and please make sure you send me a photo of it. Thanks for the get well wishes and the wonderful posting today. Heidi and I send our best to you and the family.

FLIP FLOP CRUISE QUEEN….I told Heidi that her new hair cut is popular on the blog and that’s me in the doghouse for saying it should be long…………..I think a s a collective you all put me there. You wrote some very true words about the incident with the missing young lady and I hope I never have to do that again. Thanks again for everything and hope you keep reading the blog thingy.

BRAD………..I will indeed be on the May 10 cruise however Todd will be the Cruise Director and I will be there to assist him. If you choose the 8:15 pm sitting you will be in the Chic and if you have the 8:30 pm it’s the Posh dining room. Hope this helps and thank you for the kind words about Monsieur Bell. Cheers and see you soon.

MARLENE DOVELL…….I am so happy you are enjoying the blogs each day and thank you also for your words of support which were very welcome. I hope you continue to read when you can and all the best to you and your family.

JANE……….The calories are waiting and so is the chocolate melting cake. See you soon.

SHELLY……Another vote for Heidi’s hair………I give up. I can see how as a parent you too understand why we had to make the announcement that early in the morning……..so did everyone else, except my friend who wanted money…what a shame. Thanks again for the posting and hope you write soon.

LISA WIGGS…………. Thanks Lisa, you are very kind.

JEANETTE………..and so are you. Thank you for the get-well message and kindness.

KATHY ROLL…and now so can I…The love boat……help! Best to you and Paul.

DMNIX……….Having had the scare you shared in your excellent posting you can see how the parents would have felt. Indeed it was a shame that one man had to spoil the unity the rest of the vessel showed. Thank you for the great posting and for the kind words of congratulations on the blog thingy. My best to you and all the family.

JENNIFER FERGUSON…….That was so nice, you are so very kind and with words of support like that I am sure I will be better in no time. Cheers.

PAUL S….I can’t believe someone read my blog out on the radio ………….. what did they say?……….how was it received? Please let us know more mate. Cheers.

MJBEARIT……….What a perfect place to finish with today………..a posting praising our crew and mentioning the one or two people who do not treat them with the respect they deserve. I truly hope you and your wife had a great cruise on the Carnival Spirit and I thank you on behalf of every crew member in the fleet for your songs of praise. My best to you and your wife.

That’s all for today.

It’s now 11:30 pm and the ship is moving through more wind than Heidi does after I have had a curry. I hope we will be OK for Grand Cayman tomorrow.

I wanted to tell you about the marriage show today. As always the show produces some very funny moments and I get a chance to meet some very special people and none more so than Andrew and Tracy Colebear from Fairbanks Alaska.

They are hear on their honeymoon and when I asked about how they met they told me of this wonderful story. Andrew is a fisherman…….a third generation King Crab fisherman, in fact. He told us of how dangerous retrieving the huge cages from an angry ocean was. Well, one day he and the crew of which his Dad was Captain were pulling in a cage. It was a race against time before the season ended to land and sell the crabs……………I never new there was a season by the way.

Anyway, as one of the cages was being hauled in the wire on the winch snapped and flew at speed across the deck catching Andrew on the arm nearly tearing it completely off……………..Andrew showed the audience the huge scar to prove it.

Well, the ship was 200 miles from the coast and Andrew was bleeding badly. His father called for the US Coast Guard to assist and eventually a helicopter arrived.

Onboard was Officer Tracy who was the helicopters flight surgeon. During the rescue and the flight back Andrew slipped in and out of consciousness and as he told us the only thing that kept him alive was the vision of the beautiful angel he thought had been sent to take him to heaven…………….it wasn’t a real angel…………it was Tracy.

Andrew had a life-saving operation and as he was recovering he was visited in hospital by Tracy………..and the rest………..as they say………..is history. They were married last week and they are celebrating with all the family, all 18 of them, aboard on the Carnival Freedom.

Andrew’s father has retired and he is now the Captain. I never thought that fishing for crabs could be so dangerous and I now have a newfound respect for the people who catch one of my favorite foods.

I mentioned to Andrew that a guest got bitten by a rogue crab in Cayman last week and anything he could do to catch Colin the Crab would be most welcome.

OK, time for bed and the first night’s sleep without the patch. Also the Miami Heat won tonight so overall it’s been a good day.

Oh, one more thing………..I thought you might like to know that when I was a kid my grandparents used to take their teeth out and put them in a glass of water at the side of the bed. I used to sneak in their at night and switch the teeth around……….it was always fun watching them try and put each others in their mouth……………..I never flushed them down the toilet though.

Goodnight

Your Friends

John and Heidi

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.