Man's Best Friend

April 30, 2008 -

John Heald

Yesterday I sat on a plane next to a man who owns the strangest company I have ever heard off and it is with the greatest respect that I say this…………….it could only happen in America.

These days you can rent anything………..houses, cars, tools, furniture, jets, boats, books, DVD’s ………….the list goes on but after meeting the chap I spent 11 hours farting softly next to in the American Airlines business class section I have now heard everything.

More on that later but first …………..Hello…………how are you all? I am back at home once again after two extraordinary days of flying to and from California and as I wrote on one of my mini Raspberry blogs my body, as expected is totally and utterly confused. I also have a wonderful memento from my flight as the chicken I ate on the plane was obviously intended to be the gift that keeps on giving and without putting a finer point on it lets just say I had to keep my Nike’s on in bed last night so I could get to the toilet as quickly as possible.

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"Thank You"

April 29, 2008 -

Heidi

It has been a while………I couldn’t not wait any longer…..

I had to write to you all after reading your comments and birthday wishes.

I have never before received over 100 birthday wishes in English, Spanish and even my own language.  A poem, songs and so much more.

Thank you!

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A jet lag blog

April 29, 2008 -

John Heald

Here I sit at LAX once again waiting for the red eye to London. I guess they call it the red eye because you have to have red eyes to get onboard. Well no problems there as my eyes are as red as a Boston baseball players socks and I may be over on my carry on baggage allowance if they count the two huge bags under my eyes.

Let’s get back to last night. I arrived at 3 pm and surprisingly Immigration was quick and surprisingly enough the officer smiled and wished me a nice day……….I fainted………..oh Miami, if only you could be as nice as this………the officer still did his job, asked all the right questions and made sure I was not trying to get into the country for all the wrong reasons.

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California dreaming

April 28, 2008 -

John Heald

Ever wondered what happened to the Golden Girls?…….well, I am happy to report that they are alive and well and working for American Airlines. The flight was 12 hours long and although I hated every minute of it the Golden Girls were very nice fussing over me the entire time.

So, here I am in Long Beach, California. When I left the UK it was 7 degrees……here it’s 33 degrees which is 90 something. It’s so hot I saw a squirrel holding its nuts with a potholder…….ok…..that’s an old joke but considering it’s 2 am my time and I can hardly see the keys of this raspberry.

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Happy Birthday Heidi

April 28, 2008 -

News From Steph

It’s our favorite assistant cruise director’s birthday today.  Please leave your birthday wishes for Heidi here 🙂

Something louder than Rick from Microloud

April 27, 2008 -

John Heald

Just once I would like to write “I am on the flight, everything is OK and nothing abnormal has happened.” ……….but I cannot. There seems more chance of going to Nassau and not having someone ask you if you want your hair braided than me having nothing to report.

We took off an hour ago……on time…….and here I am in my nice business class seat, I just ordered a chicken something for lunch and so far we have been turbulence free. I have my noise reduction headphones on and while I write to you I am listening to the Jazz and Smooth channel.

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Rick from MicroLOUD

April 27, 2008 -

John Heald

Heathrow airport should forget about running airports and should instead do children’s parties because the place is run by clowns.

Good morning and here I am once again doing what I hate most……flying. If you are new to the blog and don’t know how much I hate flying …..well……..I would rather go swimming in a lake full of Piranhas with a sirloin steak tied round my thingy than face this 11 hours stuck in a metal tube filled with air as fresh as a Frenchman’s armpits.

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Saturday Nights Alright

April 26, 2008 -

John Heald

I remember Saturday nights from my teenage years being exciting times. I would start getting ready about 7 pm and where as now I can complete the three “S’s” in 30 minutes back in the days when personal grooming was so important it would take considerably longer. I concentrated on what to wear which considering I had three shirts and two pairs of trousers to choose from was not difficult. Then it was the hair…………that had to be just right. Up until 1996 I had beautiful dark hair and then one morning a few months into the Carnival Destiny’s inaugural season I woke up…………..looked in the mirror…………and a pudgy Richard Gere was staring back at me.

Once my hair was right, I made sure I had a £5 in my pocket (usually lent to me by Mum or Dad) and then right at 8:30pm Alan’s shiny blue Ford Capri would pull up outside the house accompanied by The Pet Shop Boys or The Communards blaring from the Eight Track Stereo.

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A Quick Note

April 25, 2008 -

News From Steph

Hi Everyone,

Stephanie here- Just wanted to let you know that www.carnival.com is undergoing scheduled maintenance tonight starting at 11 pm EST.  The site will be back up and running at 11 am EST, tomorrow, Saturday, April 26.  We apologize for any inconvenience.  Should you have any questions during the site downtime please call 1-888-CARNIVAL.

Because the site will be down, there may be a delay in John’s postings on Saturday, 4/26.  However, comment posting and post viewing will not be affected.

Regards,

Stephanie

BLEEP…………BLEEP………..BLEEP

April 25, 2008 -

John Heald

I decided to sit down and write a blog due to the fact that maybe I will find doing so calming………..that’s because I just spent the last 20 minutes shouting, swearing and eventually physically assaulting…………..the dishwasher.

During the last few days I have gradually filled Mr. Bosh with various mugs, plates, knives and forks. Now, Heidi had taken me through the whole process of how to use this machine and I do believe I followed her instructions completely. So, why then does the thing keep beeping? It has finished washing the stuff; I know that because it makes more noise than a group of students from Kentucky and now the washing noise is finally over it keeps beeping. I was nodding off by the fire after a hard morning of having breakfast with Alan (more on that later) when the German beeping machine woke me up…….I ignored it at first but it just kept beeping………and it may have been my imagination but it was now beeping……..in German.

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Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.