Eurosplendor

June 30, 2008 -

John Heald

And so to the sounds of “Time To Say Goodbye” Captain Pagano let go the lines and off we went. The Captain gave a stirring thank you over the PA system to the Fincantieri workers for providing Carnival with this magnificent cruise liner and I then thanked the crew for their invaluable work.

Here we are then in Genoa. The ship starts its shakedown cruise today with ??? invited guests joining us…………….nope………the ??? was not a typo thingy because we have no bloody clue how many people are going to be sailing with us. We sent invitations to 3044 people, 1780 replied saying “yes”. they would love to sail for two days on the newest cruise liner in the world for free with free drinks and great shows and me “………….290 said “no”………sorry we can’t sail on the newest cruise liner in the world with free drinks and great shows and you “………and close to 1000 people didn’t reply at all………….and that’s just rude…………….and if they don’t reply and don’t show up………well that’s even ruder.

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What Will You Be Doing on July 1st

June 29, 2008 -

John Heald

I sat in a meeting this morning and the chap next to me had something called an Apple In The Eye Phone. ……….I had heard all about this must have thingy but this was the first time I had seen one up close. I had heard some owners say that it was wonderful and some say it was utter crap.

They told me its battery has the life expectancy of a veal calf, and that if you want to take a photograph, you’d be better off setting up an easel and breaking out the paint.

It will come as a complete shock I am sure that the owner of this Apple thingy was a Director of the I/S department. During a particularly dull moment of the meeting (there were many) I was stupid enough to ask him if he liked his phone. ………..and off he went…………….I think he had been bored about the discussion on VAT tax in the gift shops and my “geek style” question had revived him.

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This morning I was flipping through a magazine while munching on a whole wheat bagel at breakfast when I glanced at a photo. It showed a man in a very sharp pin stripe suit and under the picture were the words “Kenneth Lagone, the founder of homosexuality.”

This seemed odd, partly because the man in the photograph, with his Armani suit and crisp tailored shirt, looked about as gay as Sean Connery, and partly because I thought homosexuality had been invented long before this guy was born.

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Hot Air

June 28, 2008 -

John Heald

Oh Kenny Boy

June 28, 2008 -

John Heald

An Olympic Sized Handbag

June 27, 2008 -

John Heald

The Olympics is only a few weeks away and I just can’t get excited.

I should explain at the outset that I don’t much like athletics. Running is fine when you are late for a train, or when you are seven, but the concept of running in a circle for nothing but glory seems a bit ancient to me.

Speaking of which — the javelin. In the olden days when men ate anything with four legs and Mr Smith had not yet met Mr Wesson, I should imagine that a chap with an ability to chuck a spear over a great distance would end up with many wives. But now, watching a gigantic Russian lobbing a stick is really boring……….if only they would release a herd of wild boar into the stadium and the person who speared the most wins the gold medal……………and dinner.

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The Bloginator

June 26, 2008 -

John Heald

There are many things I am totally crap at and heading the list is anything to do with Engineering. I know that no matter how much training I received, or how many books I read, I could not build an electric toothbrush or a DVD player or an engine big enough to power a 100,000-ton cruise ship with me aboard through the water.

Hello everyone.

This is going to be a very quick, hastily put together blog free from photographs and the usual blog pattern. I am so sorry for this but today started at 7 am and now at 8:05 pm I have sat down for the very first time. Anyway, back to the engineering thing and the morning was spent touring the ship with lots of important people in suits and two in hard hats ………why were they wearing hard hats?…….were they worried a cabin steward was going to fall on their head?

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An Opinionated Blog

June 25, 2008 -

John Heald

I sat there with my bowl of Muesli and fruit ready to face the challenges of the day. The Officers mess was quiet at 7:15 am and apart from Blanca the waitress I was all alone. Then, in came a chap I had never seen before and ignoring the 15 other empty tables…………he came and sat next to me.

He introduced himself as ………well………..I better not write his name here…………..but I can tell you that he was from New Hampshire and when he discovered I was from England he got very excited and told me “Really………that’s awesome because I have an old Jagwarr”………..I realized he meant Jaguar and then I realized something much worse………….he was going to tell me all about it……………..at 7:15 am in the morning ……………..and with my mind spinning with blogs and new ship stuff ……………. OH joy !

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There must be some people who read my blog occasionally and probably get fed up with the blizzard of mega ships, water slides and stories of 3,000 plus people having fun all explained in a babble of preposterous superlatives.

Of course it’s not hard to see why this might be so. Cruising used to be about a ship, a Captain and crew, ports of call, a comfy chair to sit in and meet Mr and Mrs. Smith from California. Then it was off to dinner followed by dancing, a walk on deck under the stars and a bollocking from the wife for staring at Mrs. Smith’s bottom.

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I’m Here To Tease You

June 24, 2008 -

John Heald

I am teasing you. Just to let you know that due to the massive success of the brilliant “We are Cunard” video all of the sister companies are now hot in pursuit to show us their similar productions.

This is fantastic. So tomorrow look out for a link to AIDA’s video which although in German shows the universal language of excellent service and happy hospitality. Following on from this expect to see links to films by all the sister companies…..This is going to be fun.

See you tomorrow with two blogs featuring my experience onboard the Pacific Princess and our normal fun ship blog.

Cheers,
John and Heidi

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.