President of the board

June 14, 2008 -

John Heald

There are some scientific breakthroughs that are trumpeted from on high, while some are never given the respect they deserve.

A couple of Dutch inventors, for instance, have developed a new kind of cloth that could be used as a television screen. So pretty soon you’ll be able to watch Free Willy on my underpants.

Then we have the British satellite that can spot rainfall and vegetation growth in Africa. As a result, farmers there will be able to bring some shock and awe to the locust breeding grounds before the Larry and Loretta the Locust’s rumpy pumpy gets going.

However, today……..I learnt of the best invention……………in the world…………….and it’s here in Italy. All you have to do is dial 2580 on your mobile …………hold the phone against a speaker and within 30 seconds, for just 50 eurcents, you’ll be sent a text saying what the song is and who it’s by.

So now you can wave goodbye to the misery of trying to find out what it was you heard on the radio by attempting to sing it to your friends. “You must have heard it. It’s brilliant. It goes dum de dum dee da da slap my da dee dee dee.”

I wish though that one of these brilliant minds could invent a purse which has a 200 watt light bulb so that when its opened the purse is flooded with light so I am not left standing around on the doorstep for 15 minutes while Heidi explores her purse for the keys.

We can genetically modify crops, we can send a robot to Mars to do some gardening, and we can teach our television sets to skip the commercials and Judge Judy. We can do anything. We are invincible. And yet we are still being propelled from place to place by a series of small explosions.

It doesn’t matter whether you drive a Mercedes, a McDonald’s delivery van, a cruise ship or a F16 you are still relying on exactly the same technology that was invented more than 100 years ago. ………………….and their engines all need petrol.

Today in Spain and the UK tanker drivers went on strike and more are expected as the price of fuel keeps going up and up and their jobs become more and more difficult. So, let’s stop wasting time inventing TV’s that are flatter than Kate Moss’s chest………….let’s not worry about mobile phones that can tell the difference between Perry Como and Pee Diddley………….let’s put all the world’s most intelligent people in a big room and not let them out until they have found a way of running my Range Rover on something other than the black stuff.

So, here I am writing a blog from the ship. Unfortunately it’s from my raspberry. My cabin is yet to be completed and therefore I won’t have the computer set up until next week sometime. Also, Internet service is slower than a three-legged turtle so once again I am doing everything via the raspberry. The internet service will be zipping along at the speed of light soon though and I will be a very happy chappy when that happens.

So, here I am onboard………….it has been over two months since I was an actual Cruise Director and as I sit here in the cigar bar (which is non-smoking while we are in the shipyard) working on my lap top dancer, it feels like I have never been away. Today, 300 crew arrived and by this time next week the entire ship’s company will be here. Tomorrow the Musical Director Jim Hanson and his orchestra members arrive as well as the Club O2 Director and the Youth Staff.

Outside, it’s a flurry of activity as containers are constantly unloaded. Here is some of what arrived today.



80 BOXES OF NUMBER TWO BLEACH………that’s what its called………Number 2……….it’s not Bleach to clean after you have had a number 2…….you need number 3 for that…………or if you are me………..number 14.

This is just a small example of what arrived and at this point ion the ship’s life there is nobody busier than Eduardo our Store Room Manager.

It is important to remember that the ship does not belong to Carnival Cruise Lines yet. This means that we are still under the watch of our mates from Fincantieri who continue the last-minute work around the vessel.

Some of this work needs to be done in our cabin where we have no shower curtain, office furniture or toilet seat……….the last one does not concern me as at least for a few days Heidi can’t moan about me never putting it down.

So, as our cabin is incomplete we are staying in cabin 7276. This is a guest cabin with a balcony and a toilet seat. However………….no curtains. These have yet to arrive. This means that if you dock your yacht on the port side of the vessel and look through a pair of binoculars you will see something that you have never seen before…………………and hopefully after my diet I will see it for the first time in many years as well.

There is a great feeling around the ship as each and every crewmember seems very excited about being part of something very special. They know they have been chosen to be part of this experience and I hope it is something they will never forget.

During the next few days Heidi will be taking some random photos of the ship’s preparation.

Here are some for you from today.

Preparing the Entertainment office (with Lauren, Stephanie and Gary)

Crew washing machines and dryers

A guest corridor

Tables for the cabins being distributed

Scaffolding on the stage – work in progress

Crew ironing facilities

Now, the blog has become truly international and there are now links to AIDA, COSTA and CUNARD and of course the Brilliant HOLLAND AMERICA EURODAM BLOG.

So, PA 007 suggested I add a welcome letter to today’s blog in German for our AIDA guests and in Spanish for the Costa Spanish branch. I will post an Italian one tomorrow…………I hoped to find an Italian to do this today but I can’t find one anywhere………….it’s Saturday.

Me gustaria invitarlos a todos al blog. Si usted tiene algun comentario por favor escribalo en espanol y nosotros lo traduciremos. Gracias y bienvenidos on on bordo.

Guten Tag liebe Freunden von AIDA. Ich hatte eine wunderschoene Zeit an Bord die AIDAdiva. Herzlich wilkommen zu dem Blog, wenn Sie fragen haben, bitte schreiben Sie diese auf Deutch und wir werden sie ubersetzen. Ich wunsche Ihnen einen Schoene Tag.

Wiedersehen!Now, prepare yourself for something special. After seeing this photo you will all be writing to People Magazine telling them to forget Orlando Balloon, Matthew Mahoganey, Johnny Dripp and Judy Law………………………..surely is………………..America’s Sexiest Man……………….on a surf board.


RAND TURK, B.W.I. (June 13, 2008 ) — Carnival Cruise Lines’ President and CEO Gerry Cahill was among the first to “catch a wave” on the new Grand Turk FlowRider attraction at the Grand Turk Cruise Center.

Offered as a shore excursion sold on board cruise ships calling at the island, the new Grand Turk FlowRider — the only attraction of its kind at a cruise port facility — provides guests the opportunity to participate in both body boarding and stand-up board surfing.

The FlowRider is an artificial wave created by a pair of high-pressure water jets that produce a thin, two- to three-inch layer of water moving over a pre-formed and cushioned surface at high speed. Cahill was on the island of Grand Turk for the grand opening of the FlowRider attraction, which is operated by Grand Turk’s Margaritaville restaurant and bar.

“The FlowRider is exhilarating — not to mention a lot of fun — and, when combined with Grand Turk’s excellent beaches and interesting sites and attractions, offers yet another exciting shore excursion option for cruise ship guests,” said Cahill. “Grand Turk is one of our most popular Caribbean ports of call, and the FlowRider adds a new dimension to all that this wonderful destination has to offer,” he added.

“The FlowRider is an excellent addition to Grand Turk, which in just over two years has already become one of the premier Caribbean cruise destinations. My government remains committed to the ongoing development of Grand Turk’s cruise industry. We are delighted that the FlowRider is here and hope that cruise ship visitors enjoy this fun and exhilarating attraction,” said Hon. Michael E. Misick, Premier, Turks and Caicos Islands.

Tickets to the FlowRider are sold on board through the shore excursion desk on ships calling at Grand Turk. Carnival expects to offer FlowRider tickets online in the near future.

Prices are $24 for body boarding for a half-hour on the ride and $34 for hour-long stand-up surfing sessions.

During the session, participants will have an opportunity to surf multiple times and friends and family are invited to watch participants at no charge. Each surfer will also receive a complimentary certificate of participation. Professional photographers will be on hand to capture both the awesome rides and gnarly wipeouts of surfers that will be available for purchase, along with a variety of other souvenir items of the FlowRider experience.

The FlowRider attraction is currently available in conjunction with all cruise ship calls at Grand Turk, including Carnival Cruise Lines’ Carnival Imagination, Carnival Liberty and Carnival Triumph. Additional cruise lines that call at the island include Holland America Line, Princess Cruises, the Yachts of Seabourn, and Costa Cruises, among others.

The FlowRider is just the latest addition to Grand Turk, one of the Caribbean’s most unspoiled and beautiful islands. The $60 million Grand Turk Cruise Center serves as a gateway to this magnificent destination and encompasses a state-of-the-art pier and a 13-acre complex offering an 800-foot-long private beach, swimming pool, and a variety of retail shops, including the Caribbean’s largest “Margaritaville”-themed bar and restaurant.

Is that not just brilliant. Firstly, the fact that Gerry agreed to do this makes him a “cool dude of a Pres” and how about that view. I know there is one of these machines onboard the “Standinline Forever of the Seas” but unlike our guests who get to catch a wave with the view of the ship directly behind them our friends on the Of The Seas have a view of an empty and unused wall with bits of fake rock sticking out of it.

Grand Turk is now a must see destination and if you have not been………… really, really must. Well done Gerry……..tell you what…………next time I am in Grand Turk and Carnival pledges $500 to the Miami Children’s Center they all ready so much wonderful charity for…………..I will ride a wave…………wearing Speedos……………….I promise.

Your Friends
John and Heidi

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.