What Will You Be Doing on July 1st

June 29, 2008 -

John Heald

I sat in a meeting this morning and the chap next to me had something called an Apple In The Eye Phone. ……….I had heard all about this must have thingy but this was the first time I had seen one up close. I had heard some owners say that it was wonderful and some say it was utter crap.

They told me its battery has the life expectancy of a veal calf, and that if you want to take a photograph, you’d be better off setting up an easel and breaking out the paint.

It will come as a complete shock I am sure that the owner of this Apple thingy was a Director of the I/S department. During a particularly dull moment of the meeting (there were many) I was stupid enough to ask him if he liked his phone. ………..and off he went…………….I think he had been bored about the discussion on VAT tax in the gift shops and my “geek style” question had revived him.

He told me it was able to deliver the weather forecast from Bora Bora and clips from YouTube of kids smashing their genitals to pieces while trying to skate board down a handrail……………….. ” because it can be connected to the internet…………….and………………….and” …………..by this point the meeting had turned to a discussion about what kind of over priced water ………still………..or sparkling we should place in the Chairman’s suite mini bar…………which was more interesting then how many gags of hard drive he could store in his apple.

The meeting lasted 2 hours……….I aged 37 years…………and after ten minutes discussion someone came up with the absolutely incredible plan to put both still and sparkling water in the Chairman’s mini bar………………..genius………….absolute genius.

Also today we had a general boat drill where the crew was given the safety instructions from the Captain and officers. During the drill I am on the bridge and this time I got to speak to one of the engineers who designed the engines that power this amazing vessel.

He told me that the biggest challenge of all was not the propulsion or channeling the fuel through the huge bearings that turn the mighty propellers……….nope…………the biggest challenge and the one that must be met before anything else is addressed during the design stage is of course…………..protecting our precious natural resources.

Now, I understand and support totally the need never ever to pollute the seas but some of the rules and regulations he told me about were extraordinary. One hundred years from now when we haven’t made the polars an endangers species, people can once again devote themselves to creativity and excellence without having to worry the lesser spotted Mongolian bog pig. Someone, I believe, somewhere may well build an engine or something………that could change the world.

Well, as I mentioned yesterday, today will be a rather short blog. I have been at it non stop since 6:00 am. This was my schedule so far.

6:00 am – Breakfast – wholegrain bagel and a cup of monkey tea
6:15 am – Shower, Shave and toilet
6:30 am – 7:30am – answer e mails from the previous day and night – 114 of them
7:30 am – toilet – the bagel kicked in
7:35 am – last check of 2 day cruise Capers
8:30 am – Meeting with Miami shore side personal to discuss …………..well……….everything
10:30 am – meeting finished – toilet break
10:35 am – noon – meeting with all Entertainment Staff
11:30 am – meeting with Captain and senior officers
12:45 am – Lunch – two egg omelets with onions and peppers
1:15 pm – e mails
2:00 pm – boat drill
3:30 pm – walk around the lounges to listen to all the bands
5:00 pm – blog
5:18 pm – toilet – omelet kicked in

And that’s where we stand so far.

The ship is ready………..the crew …………are ready……………and tomorrow to the tune of Time To Say Goodbye sung by Andre Bottledcherry we will be on our way from the ship yard to Genoa to collect 3000 travel agents and invited guests……………..more on that tomorrow.

Here is some of the best crew I have ever worked with.


Cooks: Prasad and Wayan


Security Staff: Neelesh, Michael & Eric


Nurses: Becka & Ansie


Bar Staff: Jarid, Peter & Rakesh


Dancers: Paul & Dan


Barista : Katja

Finally for today I want to put a date in your mind……………………..July 1st.

1st July 1997: Hong Kong is handed back to the Chinese authorities after 156 years as a British colony. Tung Chee-hwa was sworn in as Hong Kong’s new leader

1st July 1932: Gov. Franklin D. Roosevelt was selected as the presidential nominee at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago

1st July 1963 : The US Post Office instituted the Zip Code asking everyone to use their Zip Codes on return addresses after the name of city and state when ever possible to help speed the process of mail delivery

July 1st 2008: Carnival Cruise Lines opens reservations for its spectacular new vessel Carnival Dream. Travel Agent phones are ringing off the hook while the Carnival switch board is completely jammed as would be cruise vacationers rush to be the first lucky people to sail the Grand Med, a unique Trans Atlantic cruise to New York or an 8 day sailing from the Big Apple itself.

July 1st is going to be Carnivals biggest day of bookings ever………….I am hearing that all the voyages are expected to sell out immediately and advance group inquires are immense. So, please make sure you call or hop on line…………………..will I be there I hear you cry …………..YES………..100% yes………….unless I have ceased to be or have been fired for being too ugly. I may not be the Cruise Director………..but………….I will be there …………..on that first New York cruise and…………..probably the crossing as well……………..actually……………..take away the probably………………I want to sail into New York………….I want to experience that indescribable feeling again.

So…………………July 1st………………make your Dream come true…………………….it will be a day to remember and a ship that you will never ever forget.

A longer blog coming tomorrow I promise
Cheers
Your Friends
John and Heidi
1st July 2011: John Heald becomes President of Carnival Cruise Lines and buys an Aston Martin and invites Catherine Zeta Jones to be Godmother of the Carnival Heald.

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.