An Accented Blog

September 24, 2008 -

John Heald

And so it begins.

Guest: Mr. __________ Ref: 002804925A
Cabin: _______ Booking#: ________ Added-Changed: 09/23/08 – 09/24/08


Mr. ________ was cutting the line and shouting in Russian. Purser asked guest to stop shouting and then went to the back office to ask Roxana to come and assist in Russian.

Guest stated that he was not happy with the cabin. Mr. _______stated that the closet of cabin was too small and there was no space to put the clothes he and his wife had brought. Guest demanded another cabin. It was explained to the Mr_______ that the ship was full and there were no other cabins available. Guest then started shouting again and took out a many $100 notes from his pocket and threw them onto the desk and said he would pay lots of money. Purser again explained that there were no other cabins available. Mr. _______ continued to be aggressive and Purser informed guest that if he continued she would call security. Mr_____ picked up the money and left using many bad words.

And we continue

Guest: Mrs.__________ Ref: 006804690A
Cabin: ______ Booking#: ________ Added-Changed: 09/23/08 – 09/23/08


Mrs. __________ came to the desk asking if there was any other available cabins. Guest stated that she was scared of the sea and needed to be further away from it. She wanted to move from deck 2 to deck 7 or above. Purser apologized and advised her that unfortunately there were no available cabins as the ship was fully booked. Mrs. _________ said that she was going to go to cabins on deck 7 and ask people if they would change cabins with her. Purser advised that she should not disturb other guests. Guest left the desk with no further comment. No open cabin letter sent to the cabin.

There really isn’t much to say about those two comments except that to our Russian friends, money is the answer to everything. It wasn’t too many years ago that they would not have had any clothes to put in the closet…………if they could afford a closet …………. and look where they are now.

And, as for the lady who is scared of the sea…………well, you have to feel sorry for her and I cannot imagine the reaction she will get when she knocks on a deck 7 cabin door and says “Hello, can I have your cabin please?”

And here is one more……….yep………’s triple strike Tuesday.

Guest: Ms. ________ Ref: 002764673A Owner: (GEEG) ————
Cabin: _______ Booking#: _________ Added-Changed: 09/23/08 – 09/24/08


Mr. ________ called the purser’s office and said that his stateroom steward was not good. Guest said that he had asked for something and stateroom steward had not understood what he wanted. Purser also had difficulty in understanding guest as his accent was very strong and he spoke very fast. Guest is from Scotland. Purser apologized and said that he would discuss this with the Housekeeping Manager. HKM called to say that the guest had asked for a vase for the flowers he had brought for his wife which he had now been given. Letter of apology sent

So, this morning I thought I would give this chap a call to see if his accent was really that strong………………..and bugger me …………even I had a hard time understanding him — so you can imagine what problems his young stateroom steward from Indonesia must have. The guest is from a small town close to Inverness and, my goodness, he is as Scottish as a haggis wearing a kilt playing the bagpipes and spending no money.

There are many regional accents in the UK………….I like this………….it gives us some identity and even if we move from London to Louisville or from New York to Newcastle we still have our accents……………..but will the next generation?

I worry about this because if you think about it whether you live in Michigan or Manchester, Toronto or Tallahassee………….kids all watch the same TV.

British kids today spend half their day watching pink animated programs from America and are becoming a generation that thinks you dial 911 if you want the police and that “colour” has no “u” ……………………and they all talk like Paris Hilton.

A few years ago everyone thought that speaking properly meant you had to talk like the Queen who speaks like she is trying to keep a peeled grape between her buttocks, and that her vocal cords are actually made from glass………….nowadays kids want to sound like Beeonce or Jay Low.

So, although I am sorry for the stateroom steward I did apologize to the guest and explained that maybe if you see any confusion in his eyes that maybe he should write it down for him………….I told Scottie that he had a great steward whom if we could get over the language thing would really enhance his cruise. I would like to tell you what Scottie said in reply………but I haven’t a bloody clue.
I love accents though and one of my favorites is of course the southern American accent. I grew up on this, thanks to shows like the “Dukes of Hazard.” This leads me nicely onto Mr. Al Ernst, Carnival’s 344th best comedian. Well, you may remember that Al recently damaged the tendons in his knee while taking part in the Georgia vs. Arkansas Sumo Wrestling contest where Al was beaten by a man called Mr. D. Pends.

So, as a failed sumo wrestler, Al decided to revert to his old job and went out to entertain the guests onboard the Carnival Glory… is what happened to Al….in his own words.

After doing three shows last night on the Glory (by the way, the two-comedy cabaret shows…really do work…) and getting seven to 18 laughs per show, I would consider the night a success. Of course, it is difficult and embarrassing to go on stage with your crutches, so I figured I could get by without them during shows…….bad decision.

So I spend the night on painkillers and thinking that amputation is still a good option.

I wake up with a better attitude and feeling better and determined to use the crutches – I decide to go to Lido for lunch. So, I hobble to Lido.

I find a table. Put the “assist sticks” in the corner, and go to the buffet. (No way can I balance the buffet and the crutches).

When I get back to the table, the crutches are gone, wondering why someone would take them to pursers’ office like they must have been forgotten…

As I begin my slow and frustrating search, I end up on the back of Lido…I find two kids using the crutches like they are Star Wars light sabers…

So resisting the urge to do anything that would lose my job or end up in jail…I nicely disable Luke and Darth Vader of their weapons…

In my eagerness to get some relief, I began walking with my new multi-purpose weapons/crutches about two-steps when I realized one of the “star warriors” messed with length adjustment… and BOOM…Gimpy takes a fall like a Saturday Night Live skit… So now I take pills for my hip, ankle and knee.

I now sit brooding in my cell (cabin) …planning the “E Man Empire Strikes Back”…

Hope you’re all well…

Take Care,


E Man who is now the “G” Man (gimp).

Can you imagine that kids would do something like that? Supposing they had stolen the crutches of someone who wasn’t using them for sympathy and a way to get girls ……….like Al. Seriously though, it is a shame that kids would do this and I hope that their parents used “force” — not “the force” — but a good smack on the bum.

Anyway, thanks to Al for sharing the story and I am sure that this is not the first time people are laughing at stories about his crutches. Tune in next week for more stories from the E Man or log on to or

Let’s take a break and have a look at some photos from Jaime’s trip to Cinquaterra last Monday.

The Hillside of Cinque Terre

The Hillside of Cinque Terre

Manarola – One of the quaint little villages we visited

Now, following on from yesterday’s press release about the Carnival Triumph’s 2009 nine-day cruises to Quebec and beyond, I thought you may like to see some photos of what to expect………………have a look at these.

Well, the Carnival Fantasy has entered dry dock for her big renovation and, of course, the addition of our “Evolution of Fun” upgrades. In the days ahead I will be posting an interview with Carnival Fantasy Hotel Director Mark Hoffman who will keep us up to date on what’s happening.

Its funny isn’t it that sometimes it takes one person to point out something that you have been doing for a long time ………………and it’s not correct.

Here’s what I mean.

John please reply
1 question and 1 comment for you, John….
1. Why don’t you include how many Americans are cruising when you do the guest breakdowns?
2. I agree that Carnival has a great staff especially when it comes to special needs guests. I will be using my scooter again on the Blogger’s cruise and on the Dream. I know I will be well taken care of by the crew (and my hubby, of course!). Thanks John!

Sheryl, I am so sorry. I guess I took it for granted that people would see the international list I post and subtract that total from the number of guests onboard which I also mention ………… however………..I can see that I should actually write that number down… starting now…………I will.

This cruise we have a total of 3,035 guests of which 1,408 are non-U.S. citizens, which we means we have…….ummmm………..can’t find a calculator ……… ummmm ……. bugger ………….ummmm……….lots of Americans. ……………..hope this helps.

Rest assured Sheryl that me and the staff will make sure you are looked after and I am truly honored that you are both coming on the Bloggers Cruise. See you soon.

So, here we are again in Naples, Italy and I am so glad the weather was not what it was forecast to be. I looked up as I usually do on the forecast for Naples and was met with the words “heavy rain,”………………So that’s what we placed in the Carnival Capers and that’s what I informed the guest it would be over the PA system……………..and this morning……………….was it raining hard?……………was it buggery?

The sun was shining and, although a little windy, the temperature was a balmy 70 degrees and by 1 pm it was 76 degrees. ………oh, don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining but I felt silly that I had got the forecast so wrong……..oh well, I am sure the guests don’t mind.

They are off exploring Pompeii, Capri and the Amalfi Coast and it’s the perfect day to do so. It’s a busy day in port with us, a something of the seas, one brand X, and one of the ships with graffiti on the bow. I met with Adolfo, my friend and the owner of the largest tour operator in Naples, and while we were chatting I met the cruise director of the something of the seas…………..actually…………I should be professional here ………….I met a senior…..very senior officer of the Legend of the Seas…………..and you know what? …….. he reads the blog.

I hope I don’t get him in trouble for this and, just in case, I won’t mention his name. Anyway, Adolfo introduced me to him and he was so complimentary and said that he reads the blog everyday because so much of what I write happens on his ship, as well. In fact we both spoke about this cruise and how with strikes and possible bankruptcy threatening, that all of a sudden Alitalia have started losing luggage. We have 16 missing here and there is even more on the RCI ship.

I asked him if he gets mad when I make fun of the ship names…………..he said that he thinks it’s very funny but he is sure some people back in HQ do not. I explained that even though we are rivals and that as long as people are taking cruises that’s its good for us all ………… he agreed………….he then said his ship was better…………I told him to bugger off ……………we shook hands…………..and left as friends…………………it made my day that he reads the blog. And it was great to meet him.

Just to go back to the luggage thing. I spoke to our Chief Purser Lui and they have found some of the bags and they are being delivered to Venice. I as always feel so bad for the ones who are without. I will keep you informed.

I want to go back to this accent thing again and tell you something else I can’t stand – people acting like they’re from the islands when they’re really not. It seems that you see everyone these days going for the West Indian handshaking technique of balled fists and knuckles touching…….and on the ship everyone does it………meet a waiter from Bulgaria or a photographer from Bali they will all want to touch fists rather than shake hands.

And I saw many a teenager during the summer dressed like Snoop the Dogg — baggy trousers, chains bigger than those attached to our anchor and with more gold than the King of Saudi Arabia

Ever wondered why their trousers have to be worn so low on the hips…………… that you can see their man gardens?

Apparently we’re even starting to speak Blinglish, peppering our everyday conversations with words like “mon” and “phat.”

So, if you can’t beat ’em join ’em.

Me a hope that everything is irie mon ……….me soon come back with anover phat blog ting.

Peace out dog
Nuff respect
Pee Johnny and Hi D

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.