A Blog on Two Wheels

March 3, 2009 -

John Heald

Guest: Mr _______ Ref: 835005386A
Cabin: _____ Booking#: ________ Added-Changed: 03/02/09 – 03/02/09

Guest called the desk asking to speak to the cruise director who was at the time hosting the Captain’s Party. Guest said he would not hang up the phone until she had spoken to him. GSA asked if she could help. Guest said that he had just finished watching the cruise director’s port orientation talk where he said that guests must not rent Mopeds in the ports. Guest was very angry about this as he owns a moped rental company in the Florida Keys. GSA apologized and said that it was company policy to advise guests not to rent them. Guest then started to shout and then put down the phone. Guest called back but there was no answer. E-mail sent to CD

Good morning everyone from Grand Cayman………well………sort of……………and I will explain what I mean about that later. Firstly, let’s talk about the comment above. Yes, I did indeed advise the guests that renting mopeds is not a good idea as I and my fellow cruise directors have been doing for many years. All of us have seen first hand the accidents that these machines can cause. This includes guests coming back to the ship having left various bits of skin on the road for the iguanas to nibble, guests having to stay in the islands’ hospital, and in a few cases not coming back at all.

While I am sure this guest has a reputable company that provides safe and maintained mopeds and motorcycles that is not the case in many of the Caribbean ports of call that our fleet visits.

This, along with the somewhat reckless way road users in the Caribbean sometimes drive, are two reasons why we as a company continue to alert guests to their danger.

So, I called the guest who may told me he owned a successful company and that he was a “millionaire” because of its success. I congratulated him not bothering to mention that he may think about spending some of his millions on going to charm school and learning how not to swear every other word.

I also didn’t bother telling him about my own personal thoughts on all things mopedy.
You see, in places like Cozumel and Jamaica they will rent you a moped without any safety message. I have seen some places that will rent to anyone just to make money ………even Stevie Wonder would not be turned away.

However, in the UK as I am sure in North America, it’s a little different. The legal driving age to drive a car in the UK is 18 however you can drive a moped from the age of 16 providing it is less than 100cc…….and so like every other 16-year-old desperate for independence and not to have Dad collect them from a party……….I bought a Moped.

However as I said there are rules. You can’t just get on one and drive away on your Vespa. Nope………..this means that before climbing on board you must go to a parking lot, put on a high-visibility jacket and spend the morning driving round some cones while a man called Bob — all motorcycle instructors are called Bob — explains which lever does what.

Afterwards, you will be taken on the road, where you will drive about for several hours in a state of abject fear and misery, and then you will go home and vow never to get on a motorcycle ever again. This is called compulsory basic training and it allows you to ride any bike up to 100cc. If you want to ride something bigger, you must take a proper test. But, of course, being human, you will not want a bigger bike, because then you will be killed immediately while wearing clothing from the local Adult Rumpy Pumpy Shop “dungeon” range.

The moped is not like a car. It will not stand up when left to its own devices. So, when you are not riding it, it must be leaned against a wall or a fence. I’m told some bikes come with footstools which can be lowered to keep them upright. But then you have to lift the bike onto this footstool, and that’s like trying to lift up an obese elephant.
Next: the controls. Unlike with a car, there seems to be no standardization in the world of motorcycling. Some have gearlevers on the steering wheel. Some have them on the floor, which means you have to shift with your feet — how stupid is that? — and some are automatic.

Then we get to the brakes. Because mopeds are designed by moped drivers and they haven’t worked out how the front and back brake can be applied at the same time. So, to stop the front wheel, you pull a lever on the steering wheel, and to stop the one at the back, you press on a lever with one of your feet.

A word of warning, though. If you use only the front brake, you will fly over the steering wheel and be killed. If you try to use the back one, you will use the wrong foot and change into third gear instead of stopping. So you’ll hit the obstacle you were trying to avoid, and you’ll be killed.

Then there is the steering. The steering wheel comes in the shape of what can only be described as handlebars, but if you turn them — even slightly — while riding along, you will fall off and be killed. What you have to do is lean into the corner, fix your gaze on the course you wish to follow, and then you will fall off and be killed.

As far as the minor controls are concerned, well . . . you get a horn and lights and indicators, all of which are operated by various switches and buttons on the steering wheel, but if you look down to see which one does what, a truck will hit you and you will be killed. Oh, and for some extraordinary reason, the indicators do not self-cancel, which means you will drive with one of them on permanently, which will lead following traffic to think you are turning right. It will then undertake just as you turn left, and you will be killed.

What I’m trying to say here is that, yes, bikes and cars are both forms of transport, but they have nothing in common. Imagining that you can ride a bike because you can drive a car is like imagining you can slam-dunk a basketball over Dwayne Wade’s head because you once saw the Harlem Globetrotters on TV when you were seven.

However, many people are making the switch because they imagine that having a small motorcycle will be cheap. OK, the moped may only cost $2,000 but then you will need a helmet ($300), a jacket ($200), some Tom Jones leather trousers ($100), porno movie boots ($100), a pair of Kevlar gloves ($90), a coffin ($1,000), a headstone ($500), a cremation ($280) and flowers in the church ($100).

In other words, your small 125cc motorcycle, which has no boot, no electric windows, no stereo and no bloody heater even, will end up costing more than one of those cheap Korean-made cars. That said, a bike is much cheaper to run than a car. In fact, it takes only half a liter of gas to get from your house to the scene of your first fatal accident. Which means that the lifetime cost of running your new bike is just $1.

I think you will agree with me that it’s probably best I didn’t mention this to the guest ………….. Instead, I apologized and sent him some fruit. I had better move on before moped drivers of the world unite to have me chained to the back of one of their mean machines and drag me through the streets.

Here is the next group of questions marked for my reply.

Irene Garner Asked:
Dear John, .Please reply
I’m not sure if you are answering questions now that you are a busy CD again, and I am also wondering whether you would have answers to my questions considering you prefer not to spend time on the beaches, so maybe someone else has some experience and could answer these for me.

On my upcoming cruise (27 days and counting….I’m so excited) to the Eastern Caribbean on the Carnival Destiny, my grandson and I have booked shore excursions that include “Swimming with the Dolphins” at the Atlantis Resort, and two days of snorkeling at Half Moon Cay and Grand Turks. I know we will need money, credit card, passports and sail-and-sign-cards and other stuff with us while we are off the ship, but is there going to be anywhere for us to store our valuables while enjoying the water activities?

I remember on our Mediterranean cruise last summer on the Carnival Freedom, we did the trip to the beach in Messina, Sicily, but there was no place to leave our valuables so I didn’t feel right about leaving our things unprotected while we went into the water, especially as the loungers provided to us were quite a hike away from the water’s edge. The only way we could do it was for only one of us to enjoy the water at a time.
I am assuming there will be lockers at the Atlantis Resort, because of the water park there too, so I am wondering if we’ll need US coins to operate them or will they take Canadian money? We’ll be snorkeling off a small boat at the other two locations, so will we be able to leave our belongings safely onboard somewhere?

Just as a side note I am looking forward to showing my grandson this part of the world and know the pleasure he will get from his snorkeling experience. Many years ago, in 1974 my husband and I moved our family from England to live in Freeport on Grand Bahama Island for 2 1/2 years and my kids spent all of their spare time swimming and snorkeling as we did, until we moved to Canada in 1977.

I really enjoy reading your blogs everyday, and they just get me more and more excited about our upcoming cruise, and I just wish my late husband and I had tried cruising before he passed away. We always thought it was way beyond our means but now that I have tried it once I feel it’s the only way to go. If I lived closer to one of the embarkation ports I think would take a cruise every other week. For us, living in Alberta, Canada the airfare costs more than the cruise, but it’s worth every minute I spend standing on my feet for 8 hours a day working at the local Safeway supermarket. Maybe I should send in my resume (CV) after all, to the company that hires the gift shop personnel.
Thanks for listening…Irene Garner

John Says:
Hello Irene

I am indeed enjoying being a busy CD again but I am never to too busy to answer the questions of my friends in Blog Land. You are correct, I am not a big beach fan but I do know that the excursions you have chosen are simply wonderful. All the tours have places and or lockers for guests to leave their valuables while in the water so you will have no concerns their. We send hundreds of guests each and every week on them and I can assure you they and you will be well look after. I know the beach you refer to in Messina and that was indeed a problem but it was also a very European thing. However in the Caribbean it is very different and there will be places for you to leave your essentials. I just checked with the Carnival Sensation who informed me the lockers at Atlantis are $5 which is refundable so you will not need coins of any kind. The other trips will have containers on the boats for you to leave individual items………..you will not have any worries with that I promise. I can see for your comment how important this cruise vacation is to you and please therefore let me know if I can help in anyway.
My best to you and the family


Melissa D. Asked:
John, (please reply)
I have just recently discovered your blog thingy and have quickly become a huge fan and avid reader! My husband and I along with another couple will be on our first cruise this May on the Carnival Legend. It will be our 10th anniversary and our friend’s honeymoon they never had. I was wondering if you know who the cruise director will be. I am excited that you will soon be visiting the same western Caribbean ports that we will visit. I look forward to any information or recommendations you may have. Best to you and Heidi and Thingy!

John Says:
Hello Melissa
Welcome to the blog thingy and I am so happy you found us all here. You have chosen a fantastic ship for your first cruise and the Carnival Legend’s CD will be a wonderful young lady called Jen Baxter. Please take the time to introduce yourself to her and mention you are a blog reader and she may even have a little gift for you. I wish I could be there with you to celebrate this special anniversary and if I can do anything for you please let me know

Bill Heck Asked:
Hi John:
Please Reply
Sir Richard Branson owns an Island, Necker Island and you can rent some cliff houses. There is one that has an outside bathroom. Is this in your book? On TV several years ago, Sir Richard had a show about picking a new executive out of a group of survivor type applicants and the semi finalists spent some time on necker and the “loo” was outside with a spectacular view of the ocean. As I recall, the one that undressed at a Wimbley concert got the job, could be mistaken.

John Says:
Hello Bill
How funny…….yep……..the toilet on Necker Island is on page 47 and how I would like to sit on it. Sir Richard has done very well for himself with his own airline, train company, record label and private island. However, his greatest achievement surely must be having one of his toilets listed in the top 100 places in the world to take a poo.
Cheers mate

Mark Brass Asked:
Please reply.
Hi John, hope you are not too upset with me for teasing you about your spelling or more aptly, your typing mistakes – but I couldn’t resist. You don’t seem to be the kind of guy that doesn’t mind a bit of ribbing! I wanted to take a moment to comment on the beautiful pictures taken at the Cape Horn and was wondering what a great thing it would be to have a fleet photographer or one of your photography folks present a talk on photo composition, lighting, and all that good stuff.

The one thing I was really disappointed about in my first cruise was my poor picture taking ability. I have read a number of blogs on taking good pictures…but to no avail. I may have to buy some of those photos in the Photo Gallery during my next cruise.
Pictures are indeed worth thousand words or at least the money you paid for your cruise and worth a ton of memories. Thanks John for your blog, really a lift me-upper after a long day at work in the “real world”.

John Says:
Hello Mark
I love being teased…………….preferably with a peacock feather. Seriously though I loved your comment and I hope you will continue to tease me and check my spelling. Now, lets talk abut Radu our top photographer. It’s funny you should write what you did because after publishing some of his photos here on the blog thingy I thought it might be nice to have an interview with him which included top tips on taking photos at sea…………so look out for that in the days ahead. I am so glad you are enjoying my mussing and long may the teasing continue

Ray Czenszak Asked:

John (please respond)
Wow! As I read about Jaime’s Splendor adventures around the Cape Horn and see the pictures, I am so disappointed Jeanne and I where unable to book the Trip.
My question is will this be a future itinerary for Carnival ships.
We loved the Baltic Cruise on Splendor and Jaime was a Fantasy host and I am sure this trip was a true Gem with her.
She is truly following in John Heald’s footsteps.
Jeanne and I are counting the days till our New Years Eve celebration on Carnival Miracle and seventh Carnival Cruise.
My hope is we get to do this around the Cape Horn trip in the future on Carnival, maybe with you John.
That would be a blast, but who knows.
We would Love to do a fourth Cruise with you.
Maybe if we get married on a Carnival Cruise we can pick another trip with you.
All the Best to you Heidi and The Thingy.
Ray and Jeanne

John Says:
Hello Ray
I am so glad you are enjoying Jaime’s adventures and another one will be posted later on in today’s blog. These exotic destinations are very exciting and I am sure had the economy no stalled faster than a Caribbean moped than you would have continued to see more South American and European itineraries. However, we need the fleet to be closer to home and the decision to do so has proven very prudent. Carnival more than any other line is best positioned during these difficult times but as you do I also hope that it won’t be long until our ships are back in Europe and beyond. I wish I could be there with you on the Carnival Miracle and if you do get married on a Carnival ship I will do all I can to be there………….can I be a bridesmaid?


Cheryl Donofrio Asked:
Dear John, Heidi, and Thingy,
I loved your blog today. The only problem is, I have never been able to read the letters. The only thing I could see today was “D Day”. Everything else was white. I got the gist of what was going on by your comments afterward. I think that guest was being oversensitive. After all, no one else complained, did they? I agree with Big Ed about the soup lady. Maybe she WAS blacklisted by HAL. Hee hee. Besides, as someone else said, who would want warm strawberry soup? Bleah.

Jaime’s pictures and commentary were wonderful. The next time CCL goes to South America, they should use that picture of the ship sailing around the horn in their advertising and/or brochure.

John – please reply. Is it really true that Carnival suite passengers get NO other perks besides a nicer room? I was really surprised to hear that yesterday when I asked. I know on other lines they get butler service, priority tender tickets, etc, similar to VIP perks. I was told yesterday that they only get priority embarkation. Hmm. Thank you for your reply.
Your Friend,
Cheryl D.

John Says:
Hello Cheryl
Thanks for the lovely kind words and I am sorry you are having trouble reading the letters. Maybe Stephanie has a word of advice about that as she is a worshiper of all things computers even though she doesn’t have a beard…………..Steph – any reason as to why Cheryl cannot view the letters?

Hi Cheryl,
This probably has to do with how you connect to the internet. Dial up connections sometimes just can’t load content. Where you are connecting from (work vs. home) and the version of your browser also affect what you can and can’t see (Some work places block certain kinds of content, etc.)

As for the suites………although we do offer VIP Check In for suite guests well, yes, you are correct, once onboard we offer the same first class service to everyone regardless of what category stateroom they are in. I know some other lines offer butler service, etc. but I think you will find the attention our fabulous stateroom stewards offer will be as brilliant as any. The benefits that you mentioned do come with Platinum status (10 cruises or more) and I wonder if anyone else has an opinion on this………….should we offer guests who book suites extra service, etc?………I would appreciate your opinion. Anyway, I thank you so much for saying how much you enjoyed the blog and I do hope that this will continue for a long time to come

cindy56 Asked:
Could you please find out if there are hair dryers in the cabins on the Carnival Sensation after their retrofit? I can’t remember how to check that kind of stuff out on carnival’s website.
Thanks John!

John Says:
Hello Cindy
Yes indeed, I am informed that if you look in the top drawer of the desk in your stateroom you will find a bible and a hair dryer. Please let me know if you need anything else

retirementman Asked:

Good evening John. It’s a shame about that taxi driver. The one we had in St. Thomas was fair and even joked with us as he took us around the city. I think we were lucky that day. There is a question I would like to have you answer if possible. On our last cruise they sent us a sheet asking us if we wanted us to be involved with. It was called
“EXPRESS LUGGAGE” allowing them and the airline people taking care of our luggage and we would pay $20 each, our boarding passes would be sent to our cabin and once our luggage was taken off the ship we wouldn’t see our luggage until we arrived at the Detroit airport. My wife and I did it and it was fantastic. No luggage to the bus and the airport in Ft. Lauderdale. My question is will this be done in all the ships and all the ports next year? I’m not sure which cruise I plan on taking next year but I do know that one of them will be at Port Canaveral, Ft. Lauderdale or Miami so we were wondering if the “LUGGAGE EXPRESS” would be used again next year. I think it is an excellent thing for those that fly.
Say hi to Heidi for us and that Jaime is fantastic and also very beautiful. I’m surprised that some guy hasn’t married her away. Thank you for your assistance John.
Paul F. Pietrangelo

John Says:
Hello Paul
I was glad to hear you had a good experience with your taxi driver in St. Thomas. It appears that this is not always the case though which is disappointing. I am also glad you enjoyed using the LEX luggage system. This luggage express does indeed take away some of the stresses and strains of today’s flying experiences and we are proud to offer it. Most of the major American-based airlines now offer this and we just added Air Canada as well to the program. It is available from all the Floridian homeports and I will check to see if it is available in Alabama, Texas and California and if it will be in Baltimore and let you know. I am always pleased to hear from you and as always I send you and your wife my kindest regards


Carol Asked:
Hi John, Please reply
Well John I thought I would take you up on your offer of the picture of you naked. We will be on the Carnival Legend leaving March 8 cabin #. I thought your picture naked would just make my cruise .This is my 56th birthday celebration and what better fun than to have you there in our room in your birthday suit. FUN FOR ALL ALL FOR FUN.
This will also be a great way to make some money imagine if your bobble head brought $47. What could I get for your picture on eBay? Thanks for the offer because I would never thought of this myself.
Love your blog.
Jamie is doing a great job hope she
keeps the letters and pictures coming.
This is the first of three cruises we have booked for this year.
Carol M

John Says:
Hello Carol
I want you to have fun not spend the entire cruise looking at a photo of me naked and consequently needing psychiatric help when you get home. Have a wonderful cruise and as you spent $47 on my bobblehead you can expect a gift or two. Have a brilliant time and wish I was there with you

Catrin Asked:
Hi John,
((( Please do NOT post on the Blog – but a generic reply that you did receive it would be appreciated!))
John… I am writing to you in a bit of frustration… only to vent, really… because I know you are someone who deeply cares about what the loyal Carnival Customer thinks….
The day after our eighth and most recent cruise, we booked our ninth. Carnival Cruises are our vacation of choice… especially for my kids, who are 14, 10 and 4.
When we booked, we booked an 8A Balcony Cabin, which was upgraded to an 8C. This is on the Carnival Pride, which has a sailing in Miami, before it goes to Baltimore. What a great opportunity to sail a ship we have not been on before! Anyway, there were AFT Cabins available in the 8C category… and my husband was very excited to book one of these!
In late fall, the categories changed for the cabin we booked, and it was now considered an 8I. We watched the prices of this cruise go down considerably – but not for the 8I. When I called Carnival Reps, I was told that, although we booked when it was an 8C, we now have to look at the 8I prices if we wanted a reduction.
The price difference between the 8A and 8I eventually became $250.00 per person – and we booked two cabins, since my mom is traveling with us. So, for the aft cabin, we were now spending $1000.00 more, than the 8A originally booked. BUT, now Steve (my cruise fanatic husband who reads your blog the second he comes home from work) had his heart set on this aft cabin, and we stayed.
TODAY, however… for the first time, if you book an 8A you were upgraded all the way to the 8I. WOW! Now, the price difference was a little less… $110.00 per person, for a total of $440.00. BUT>>>> the kicker…. is that we have made our final payment. Carnival Reps will NOT BUDGE and WILL NOT offer any On Board Credit or Refund.
The Early Saver Program was not offered for this cruise until AFTER our final payment was made.
What was our incentive to being loyal and booking early?
Cabin choice really isn’t the issue, since the cabin exactly next to ours is wide open.
Couldn’t Carnival “Grandfather us in” >those who booked 6 months or more in advance?
I know with the economy and crazy cruise market… that if Carnival let every customer lower the cruise fare, it would be a financial nightmare. But, I do feel a pit in my stomach, knowing that Joe Schmo, who doesn’t care who’s cruise line he is on, or even the fact he is on a cruise… will be in the cabin next to me for a LOT LESS MONEY!
I guess I just feel that I am being “ripped off” – although I deep down inside know it isn’t the case, and it was a business decision. It won’t turn me away, since we are already discussing our 10th and Platinum Cruise for next year….
But I wanted to share my frustration with someone I know, who genuinely cares about the Loyal Carnival Customer! The reps were certainly following a specific script….. And although she was very pleasant, it was as if she was not hearing me at all. It would have been a nice gesture to offer a “token” on board credit or something for those of us who could not take advantage of this new pricing strategy – which, by the way, we would have jumped at – since we book so far in advance anyway.
If you could pass this along >> so that the “powers can be” can see an opinion from someone caught in the pricing shuffle.
Thanks for listening,
Cathy Moses
Booking # Carnival Pride 4/11/09

John Says:
I can totally understand how you feel and I am very glad you took the time to write to me. I want you to give me a few days and allow me to investigate this further. First though I need to know if you booked this directly through a Carnival sales agent, a Carnival PVP or a travel agent. Let me know and also please include your booking number. Don’t upset yourself and let’s see what we can do
I will await your response
Thanks and regards

Cathy Asked:
I have been cruising with Carnival since 1980 (on the Carnivale) and have been lurking your blog for the past few months. Some time ago, I stumbled onto your blogs and did not care for all the bodily function references. However, after my last three cruises, I have a new regard for the cruise director position – and have gotten used to your humor and enjoy all the info you post. My recent cruises with Malcolm ‘In the Middle’ Burn (Whoo Hoo) and Shawn Bussey (on her last run before her thingy arrived) really got me quite interested in the role of CD as well as the captain. So now I read your blog to feed that interest and hopefully, I will have the chance to cruise on one of your future sailings.
Now I know there are special attributes for a person to be a CD – like – loves people, has thick skin, is funny, likes to eat, does not get seasick, has an attention to detail, yearns to be on stage, is immune to viruses, can manage unusual situations and can be away from home for months on end.

My question to you – other than having a huge personality, what training do you receive as a CD? Now I am one of those Wall Street bankers you hear about on the news daily – and would never qualify – but am very curious and will probably be more selective with my cruises – taking advantage of sailing with the most interesting staff available.
Thanks for promoting Carnivale so well – your company has always provided great fun with a lot of value. Keep all those fun ideas and cruises coming!!

John Says:
Hello Cathy
First of all let me congratulate you for a brilliant post. Now, let’s start with the bodily functions you mention. I often wonder if I have a fetish when it comes to this subject but then I remember I am British and grew up on a diet of comedy where number twos and bottom noises were the main dish……………..my apologies if they are not to your liking.

That’s the thing about being a CD – as I will mention at the end of the blog today – you can never please all the people all the time. Oh, you might think you can. I know did for years and would get so upset when it was obvious that this was not possible. Now, I look at the big picture and try to listen to what the masses are saying. You still try and please everyone but while 1,000 people will laugh at something you say there will be one or two who will find what you say totally insensitive especially in the world we live in today.
You asked about the training a cruise director gets. Well, they spend time as an assistant cruise director learning the paper work and all the boring stuff you and Mr. Dell have to do each and every day. But the real job of a Carnival cruise director is to provide the fun we advertise and for that………well………in my humble opinion there is no training for that. You either have it…….or you don’t. A love of people, a love of life and as you said a skin as thick as 10 Paris Hiltons is a must. I know these are difficult times for you and your colleagues on Wall Street so hang in there and if you see anyone from AIG who lost all my pension savings please give him or her my kindest regards……….and then push them off the 29th floor. I will try and keep my bodily function remarks down to just two or three per blog and hope you keep reading


Jeri R Green Asked:
Please reply: Great blog – as usual. I’m so glad you witnessed that bully and put a stop to his actions. Host Mach assumes he, the manager, is now to be unemployed by Carnival. Is this the case? I hope so! Jamie, your blogs have been a delight to read and I look forward to them every day. The photos make me want to visit the places you are seeing even though I hate cold weather, snow and ice! By the way, our very favorite photographer and one we now consider to be our friend is on the Splendor. He is Jonathan Manaog and a great young man. While we were on four (Wow! I can’t believe we did that including the Transatlantic!) Cruises on the Liberty he helped make the time even more special. Could you try to see him and tell him how much we appreciated his good work?
Jeri and Larry

John Says:
Hello Jerry and Larry
I can’t really comment any further on our bully but let’s just say the situation was taken care of. I am glad Jaime has so many fans and she deserves each and every one of them. I also am a big fan of Jonathan and he is still from what I understand on the Carnival Splendor so I will indeed pass on your regards and thanks. Please let me know if you need anything else. My best wishes to you both

texaskit Asked:
Dear John (please reply)
Why can’t the price of the “sold on board” excursions be posted with the excursion description? My husband and I are going on the June 24 Northbound Alaska cruise on the Spirit and I am trying to plan excursions for us. Having the price posted could be the difference between waiting to book on board or saying “Nope too expensive” and booking something else we’re less interested in online. Hope you’ve decided to make the June 24th cruise your choice for Alaska (after all it’s still all your fault that I’m getting on a ship…going to a cool climate…with a balcony cabin
Texaskit (The one with the shaking knees, hanging on to her husband…….but still having a wonderful time)

John says:
Hello Texaskit
That’s a good question and do you know what as I sit here and reply to you I do not know the reason why. I am sure there must be one so let me find out and at the same time let me pass on your suggestion to the ladies and gents in our shore excursion department. If you have any specific questions on any specific tours please let me know. I am still working on my June schedule but if I do an Alaskan cruise I promise the June 24 will be my first choice. Your knees should stop knocking because I promise you that you will have a safe and fun time onboard and the only reason you will need to hold on to your husband is to tell him you love him
My best to you both

Elaine Asked:
I’m going right to the source because the rumors are flying again… Will you be CD on the March 29 sailing of the Valor???? Some are saying yes, some are saying no… lol
And is there anyway that we can request The Rocky Horror Picture Show to be played on the Lido Deck one night? I want my kids to see me “just a jump to the left” etc etc and look at me in a new way… crazier!!! Thnx..
And here’s one I don’t think you’d expect… What size t-shirt do you and Heidi wear (pre-pregnancy!!)…????

John Says:
I am going to answer the first part of your question later in today’s blog. How are you by the way? I wish we had the Rocky Horror picture show here but I am sorry to say we don’t have it on our current inventory. However we do have the following kids big screen movies.
and others
Thanks for thinking of us and best to you and all the family

Lauri Asked:
Please Reply:
I recently found your blog while researching for my upcoming honeymoon cruise. (Legend Sept 27, 2009) First I would like to thank you so much for all of the entertainment, information, and much needed levity!! I also have gone back and read all of your past posts and have had a hoot of time doing so. Keep up the good work and I am hoping to someday be on one of those blogger cruises!
That being said (I bet you love to hear that huh?) I cannot believe the people that have to deal with on a daily basis!! The taxi driver, the junior manager bully, and the forgotIamonacruiseshipwithpeoplefromatleast10othercountrieswhomightnotbeinterestedinUSPresidentObamaspeechwhileonvacation guy! All I can say is my job as a bean counter isn’t looking so bad!!! (Ok I lied)
Now to my questions, finally! As it is my honeymoon cruise is there seating for two in the Legend dining room and if so will we be able to request that with the open seating we have chosen? Secondly are their refrigerators in the rooms as I would like to surprise my hubby with a cold bottle of bubbly when we get on board.Thanks and I so look forward to your daily dose of life!!

John Says:
Hello Lauri
I m honoured (spelt correctly) that you have discovered the blog thingy, you are most welcome. As you can see there is so much that happens on every ship behind the scenes and I am glad to be given a chance to share it all with you. As you are sailing on your Honeymoon cruise please post again with the dates, ship and your cabin number and I will see what we can do to help your dreams come true. Keep counting the beans and if you have any sugar free ones please send them to me

Kathy Leblanc Asked:
Hi John,
I am hoping you can help me. I have been reading your blog since the very beginning, and have posted once or twice (mainly about you being too hard on yourself), but this time, I need some help.
I work for a Canadian organization which grants dreams to children with severe physical disabilities or life threatening illnesses, and currently have a young man who has requested a New England cruise. We have booked this trip on Carnival – of course – and he is set to sail Aug. 1-6 of this year. His family has requested an early seating for dinner as this young man needs to get a good deal of rest, and will likely be asleep by the time the late seating rolls around. When our travel agent requested this through your reservation centre, she was told the request would be noted, but could not be guaranteed until the family checked-in. She explained the special circumstances, but felt her plea has fallen on deaf ears. Is there any way you could help us to ensure that the family is given an early seating? Because no one from our organization travels with the families, we like to ensure that everything is smooth sailing (pardon the pun) for them when they arrive, and would prefer if they didn’t have to worry about making any changes once they arrive on board. If this is possible, please email me at —— and I will provide you with the family’s reservation number and any other information you may require.
Thank you so much John for being the outstanding gentleman that you are…this world could use more John Heald’s!

John Says:
Hello Kathy
It will be my pleasure to help you in any way I can. Please send me the booking number, dates and all your requests for the family and I will make sure they are honored. Look forward to hearing from you soon and thanks you for all the wonderful work you and your organization do
Kind regards

John Friedman Asked:
John – Please reply
We, along with Bill Todd, will also be on the Panama Canal cruise. Please post very publicly the excursions as we have had the same problem as Bill, and even some concerns for safety. Wish you were going to be with us!!! Our best to Heidi and “Thingy.”

John Says:
Hello John
Thanks for the kind wishes for Heidi and the Thingy. I just spoke to our tour operations department and they promised me the final list of excursions will be ready this week and that as soon as they are they will send the link to me and I will post it here on the blog thingy, I know we are keeping you waiting so please except my apologies but I promise you will have all the information soon. Now………you mentioned you were concerned about “safety” so I wondered if there was something specific I could help with there and provide some answers. If there is, please let me know
I will write again soon

Louise D Asked:
Dear John:
I am in a bit of a pickle and asking for help. We are booked on the 4/11/09 Pride sailing and have paid in full.
I purchased a Scrip Fun Ship Dollars ($100) through my children’s school (it is a fundraiser). To my surprise when I received the certificate it states not valid for on board credit! Exactly what I wanted it for. Am I to assume I have thrown $100 away in this economy?
Looking forward to your response.
Louise D.

John Says:
Hello Louise
Thanks for taking the time to write. I will have to check this out as I have never heard of this before. Please let me pass this to someone and they will advise me as to what exactly this “credit” can be used for. We’ll check it out and let you know. My best to you and your family and as soon as I know something I will pass it along to you

Cheri Bolchoz Asked:
Please Reply
Hope you and Heidi are doing well.
Have you had a chance to mail the ornaments out yet? I have not received them yet.
Looking forwarding to sailing on the Fascination out of Jacksonville (only 4 hrs from home)
Also looking forward to going to Half Moon Cay
have heard lot about the port.
Hope to meet up with you soon
Tell Heidi to take care of herself
Cheri & Michael

John Says:
Hello Cheri
Oh please tell me you got them. I mailed them two weeks ago while I was in Miami from the post room at our head office. I am hoping that by the time you have read this they will be with you ready to hang on the tree in December. Please let me know
Best to you both

Jim Schlottman Asked:
John, you were are first CD and we have measured everyone since by the great experience you provided. We are cruising again in late March with Ralph Valente as the CD. What can you tell me about Ralph?

John Says:
Hello Jim
Ralph can never measure up to me……………….because he is 5 feet 4 inches tall. However he is a brilliant young Scott who the guests and crew call Wee Jimmy. He is very funny and his energy levels are constantly set on high so you are assured of loads of fun, laughter and big surprises……….unless you look under his kilt where you will find a very small surprise. Get ready for a brilliant cruise………..said in a Scottish accent
Thanks for the so kind words and my best to you and the family

CruisinSue Asked:
John (PleaseReply)
First of all, let me say how much I enjoyed the Bloggers cruise on the Fantasy. How amazing it is to be a part of Big Ed’s Krewe family. Unfortunately I had to depart NOLA in a hurry for a family emergency, so I was unable to say goodbye to my newfound family and friends. We so enjoyed being a part of the Beacon of Hope project. I hope our little bit of work helped them out.
I am booked on the Valor on March 29. I need to know if a certain bar waitress is still on the Valor. Her name is Jurghita and she is from Lithuania. She was on the Freedom in Europe with us in Oct. 2007. She is absolutely precious and we would love to see her again. Please, if you can, let me know if she is still there and I will definitely get in touch with her. (My hubby thinks she is terrific too) Thanks in advance.
Give my best to Heidi and thingy. Also tell the Stephanie’s hi for me. See you on March 29???
Gloria aka Sue

John Says:
Hello Sue.
Great to hear from you. I was sorry to read about your family emergency and I hope things are OK now. Jurghita is currently on vacation so I am sorry to say she won’t be hear when you sail on the 29th. I am glad you enjoyed her service though and I know you will be very impressed with the service from all the crew here on the ship. Thank you so much for all the help you gave us in New Orleans and I hope we will all be together again very soon
Best wishes

Maribeth Kring Asked:
Hi John, Please Reply,
I was just chatting online with Ralph Valente. He is such a great CD! Sailed with him twice on the Conquest and my daughter and I had a ball. He said that you were the one who tagged him with the name Wee Jimmy and said to ask you who Mr. Robinson and the friend cha is. Soooo, I’m asking….
Maribeth “CarnivalJunkie” Kring

John Says:

Hello Maribeth
It’s funny that someone was just asking a few questions ago about Weeeeeeeeee Jimmy and yes I did give him that nickname. It was either that or “small Scottish sweaty man who never spends any money and smells.”………………but we went with Weeeeeeeee Jimmy. Mrs. Robinson is Weeeeeee Jimmy’s alter ego. He sometimes puts on women’s clothes and likes to dress like a 1950’s schoolteacher…….he actually looks better as Mrs. Robinson than he does as Wee Jimmy. Please send him my regards……I miss him and her.

That’s it for now…………….please let me know if there is anything I can do for you by marking your comments John, please reply.

So, today my schedule changed …………again and with it comes the knowledge that I will be letting some of you………….my friends…………..down. I am leaving the Carnival Valor from Belize on Thursday March 19 and flying via Houston to San Francisco to join the Carnival Splendor. I will be hosting some special events in my role as brand ambassador there as well as hosting a similar event in Los Angeles. Then………..on Sunday March 29th I will be involved somehow in the Sunday Funday events which means I will not be here on the Carnival Valor.

I just had this confirmed today although I had my suspicions for a few days but didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. Please allow me to apologize sincerely to people like Carolyn and others who I know booked the cruise hoping I would be here. I am so sorry I won’t be but I know you will still have a wonderful time.

Please, anyone who reads this blog thingy who had booked that cruise or the one before it (22nd) would you send me your names and cabin numbers so I can ……. well …………just send me your information please…….and know I am truly sorry I cannot be with you.

After the Sunday Funday event I am going home to be with Heidi and the Thingy although I will be returning to the States on 24 April to host the special events in Baltimore to mark the arrival of the Carnival Pride.

Then we have a Thingy and then I come back to work to be CD again on the Carnival Freedom for two glorious months.

OK, I will leave some of you to be angry at me for not being here when you sail and pass you over to Jaime.

March 2, 2009

Dear John,

Just a quick note to you this morning to let you know what we have been up to on the Carnival Splendor during the last of our sea days on cruise number two of our South American adventure.

We just finished debarkation here in Valparaiso, Chile, and it could not have more smoothly. By this time in the cruise, guests are truly learning our procedures on board. Our team of cruise staff, guest services representatives, security and all involved in debarkation are working together seamlessly in order to accommodate the multiple guest schedules for the day. Today, we have 2,300 guests returning to the ship, 900 guests leaving us for their safe journey home, and 700 new friendly faces joining us later on ready to begin their vacation of a lifetime.

We had a very special event this cruise that I had never before seen during any of my previous Carnival cruises. As you may have read a few days ago, Bill was disappointed that we were not conducting a formal past guest reception as we typically do on shorter cruises. Now when he wrote this message he was not aware of the brainstorming that was going into play in order to properly thank and honor our 2,500+ loyal guests. I overheard many suggestions including holding the reception on Lido deck, since that was the only place to accommodate this high number of people.

The only problem with this idea was that we did not have enough plastic cups on board to quench the typically extremely thirsty past guests =). In addition, the captain would never allow that high quantity of glasses by the pool area on Lido. The solution to the problem ended up being a completely open bar for an hour before each of our dinner seatings. My friends that are bartenders and bar waiters said that they had prepared so many drinks in order to be properly equipped for this huge event, but they could hardly keep up with the guest consumption! Different bands lit up each lounge throughout the ship, guests were merrily dancing and having a great time. I know that all of our guests both previous guests and first time cruisers were all extremely satisfied with this alternative to a formal past guest reception.

Since this is an extremely unique cruise, these last few days I have been paying special attention to the behavior of the hundreds of guests who have been spending an extended period of time with one another. Now this does not apply to everyone, because some people are genuinely here to spend time with loved ones, enjoy these fabulous ports of call, meet new friends and create lasting memories. However, for some this extended cruise is a perfect opportunity to go backwards in process of evolution in terms of manners.

Over the past 31 days, I have witnessed people cutting in line at the buffet in order to get some sugared walnuts and completely disregarding the long line of individuals waiting their turn to eat. I understand how food is such a scarce resource on board any cruise ship, but really this type of inconsideration has the likelihood of creating a stir amongst their peers. Plus, I think there are enough sugared nuts to go around! I have seen guests literally jockeying for position to be the first to board a tender boat. If one of their friends were to get injured, I think they would rethink this rude behavior. I have also heard stories of the chaos that broke out when the gift shop displayed their $19.99 on-sale watches.

This morning however, my faith in humanity was restored. During our debarkation process, one of our guests had a medical emergency. Without going into too much detail, a gentleman fell to the floor while standing on Lido aft. One of his fellow guests, a former EMT, ran to his side to aid to administer CPR to his comrade. 911 was called, and the medical team was on the scene in the blink of an eye. As the guest was carried down the stairs all the way from deck 9 to the deck zero infirmary, I helped to make announcements to clear the path due to a medical emergency. Usually on debarkation morning everyone is in such a rush to get off the ship. However on this morning, guests parted like the Red Sea as if it was their own family member whose life was in danger.

I am happy to report Becca and our amazing medical team had stabilized this guest before the ambulance turned up. Today is going to be a great day.

More soon about Valparaiso, as we begin our final 18-day voyage!

The prepared drinks and guests in the atrium lobby enjoying our unique Past Guest Reception.

The show band performing their Dixieland set in the atrium lobby.

Your friend,
Jaime =)

Great story once again Jaime and I hear your whirlwind romance with Bill Zydecocruiser is already over and you are on the prowl again. We all want you happy and married my December.

So, here we are bathed in sunshine in Grand Cayman. However we are not in our usual place outside of George Town the capital but instead we are on the other side of the island at a place called Spot Bay. This is because the swells in the harbour (spelt correctly) were too great to have a safe tender operation so the port authority moved us to Spot Bay…………….well, they moved some of us because there is room for just three ships so the Carnival Legend and the Norwegian Graffiti were told to bugger off and spent the day at sea. Now, I said just now that there is a place for three ships here………there may be a place just about for one ship to tender but three?……….that’s a real stretch….as my New Yorker friends would say “forget abart it.”

Spot Bay is rather tiny – it looks like it is made up of bits of 2 by 4 — and tendering guests into this pier is about as much fun as getting your zipper caught on your thingy.
Today, we have the Carnival Valor, the Grand Princess and the Neverusedclimbingwall of the Seas……………..that’s 9,500 passengers…………..plus crew. This means that only two tenders can dock at a time and this means long lines coming back and very little room in which to operate in. Also, instead of just walking across the road into town guests have to pay $6 each way to get there…………….and that makes some very grumpy.

It’s now 4 pm and we were supposed to have left as was the Grand Princess. We have 300 guests still waiting for tenders and this means we will sail late, of course. The lines on the pier for the RCI ship are even longer as they have many more passengers of course……….imagine what it will be like on a 5,000-passenger ship.


The next statement is mine and mine alone and is not affiliated to Carnival Cruise Lines ………..please………..Cayman……..build a bloody pier…………I will, even come and help mix the cement myself.

OK, I had better get ready to welcome everyone home and face the music. Just before I go there are two things I want to share with you. First, we have the piano bar schedule. I know Divetrash (hi Laura) will already know this but for those who do not here is the current list of the men and women who provide brilliant entertainment in our signature bars.

MI Laurie Anne Gardner 02/25/09
EL Peter Rossetti 02/26/09
HO Lisa York 02/28/09
FD Peter Brenner 02/28/09
SP Steve Brisley 03/12/09
SL Greg Gallello 03/19/09
IS Barry Miller 04/06/09
GL Gayla Smith 04/11/09
TI Angela Johnson 04/12/09
FS Mikael Smith 04/13/09
PA Jordan Heppner 04/13/09
PR Duane Lewis 04/18/09
FA Richard Canter 05/02/09
EC Lorraine Ingle 05/02/09
VI Eric Fischer 05/03/09
LE Jason Davis 05/03/09
IM Josh Tuckman 05/04/09
CQ Milburn Dumas 06/07/09
SE Robert Stiel 06/11/09
LI Larry Maconaghy 07/08/09
DE Brad Alexander 07/23/09
VA Roger Concepcion 08/23/09

I thank them all for all that they do.

Finally, I mentioned that I was anxiously awaiting the ratings from the comment card after my first Caribbean cruise as CD in a long time. Well, here is my personal rating.


Now, this is a rating I am very happy with and let me explain how it is arrived at. All the comment cards are counted and then people with beards put them through a computer which……….well………..I have no idea what happens but a rating is formatted based on what the guests say and which of the three ratings they have chosen.

They are:




Now, this means that 1,494 guests out of 3,100 filled the cards out. With that you have to consider the 400 kids who mostly don’t take the time to do so……..why would they ….. they’re kids?

This also means that while 1,337 people thought I was funny………145 thought that I was …well, OK….but nothing special…….and 12 people thought I was …… well ………….. crap.

I have no idea who these people are but I apologize that I wasn’t to their liking and I hope they have a safe flight back to Paris.

Your friends
John, Heidi and the Thingy

Comment Policy

Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous, unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.

66 Responses to A Blog on Two Wheels

  1. Laura says:

    I just have to say that while in Nassau last December waiting for our excursion, my husband and I witnessed what could have been a fatal moped accident. It seemed that the driver pulled out into traffic, swerved to miss a car that was coming, and hit the curb. His girlfriend luckily enough was able to jump off but the poor man had the moped tip over on him. I turned to my husband and said “That’s why Carnival advises against renting mopeds.” Sorry the passenger gave you such a hard time but like you said, many many passengers have gotten hurt in the past renting them and we all know that you are just looking out for the safety of your Carnival guests.

  2. Host Mach from Cruise Critic says:

    Well, nuts… I’ve had many questions from folks asking ‘Will John be my CD on the Valor on March XX??’ and according to the previous schedule the answer would have been ‘Yes.’ You’re right, many folks will be disappointed as they’ve come to hear from SO many folks at Cruise Critic what a pleasure it is to sail with you. In your words… bugger…

    So, who WILL replace you? I don’t think that Tex is ready to come the Valor yet. He’s still on a well earned vacation, yes?

    Jaime continues to be a wonder! Great job!! Keep it up!!

    Please pass along my howdies to Heidi, the Stephanies and all the wonderful Blogging crew!!


    Host Mach

  3. Donald Smith says:

    John, I am writing this on behalf of my entire party (10 of us total) on the 3/22/2009 sailing. We were looking forward to being on the ship with you and are upset that you will not be our cruise director but understand that as the Senior Cruise Director/brand ambassador/wearer of many hats your schedule changes frequently, and it probably frustrates you as much as us. It’s a shame that Carnival doesn’t have the ability foresee these things far enough in advance and not get our hopes up to have them crushed (maybe crushed is a little harsh).

    As with all of our previous cruises I’m sure that Carnival will provide with a great cruise director (Karl with a K or Malcolm in the Middle would be great) and we will still enjoy our cruise.

    As a consolation, a cabin upgrade for everyone in our group would be great. 🙂

    Do you know who the cruise director will be?

    Donald/Angela Smith cabin 1206
    Ronald Pruitt cabin 1210
    Grace/Peg Pruitt cabin 1214
    Donnie/Susan Smith cabin 1218
    William/Caleb Smith cabin 1222
    Susan Kelly cabin 1242

  4. Tom & Jane says:

    this is the 2nd time we booked a CRUISE,
    just because you would be the C.D.
    1st. the Legend,
    now the Valor,
    guess the only sure fire way is to book only
    Blog Cruises,
    but then Carnival will see a big DROP in business,,
    we cruise 4 to 6 times a year.
    we had some gifts to bring @ CIGARS,
    ????? do you think they will keep til the DREAM 12/03/2009 ?????
    I guess you can tell we are not very happy about the news,,,,that you are jumpin ship!
    but it is what it is,

    very unhappy in seminole

    tom & jane

    room # 8251 verandah deck
    also thank you for makin our Supper Club

    we will miss you,,,,,and we still think you are
    the best dam C.D. sailing,,what ever ship
    your on !!!!!

  5. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:


    As the owner of motorcycles (750 Nighthawk) and ATVs (Honda 400) most of my life, while I do not “own” a moped business…I certainly have a lot of experience with these things.

    I will not ride either in the Caribbean or Mexico.
    First of all, I don’t ride what I don’t maintain.
    It is imperative that Carnival continue to warn their guests of the dangers.

    Even IF the machinery is in top shape (which I can tell from looking at them that they are not), as you mentioned….there is not only the traffic and driving in an unknown environment….. but you left out the worst part….ALCOHOL!!!

    Even with the ATVs…people need to realize that these things weigh 600 pounds and they can be on top of you faster than a set of rims disappears from a Puff Daddy Concert.

    So tell Mr. Moped Millionaire that while he may know his business in the US, he obviously is not the expert outside of our country. And secondly, I would get a donut to a dollar that while he may have a million dollars worth of inventory, if the bank owns $900,000 of the debt….he isn’t a millionaire. Just ask him if he has a Unified Credit Trust. If he says no……he isn’t a millionaire!

    I have not been able to read through the posts as thoroughly as I usually do, since sitting up still tires this old body. And now on top of that…I have your COLD!! (via DJ)

    But it looks like Jaime and Stephanie, Tony and Tom are doing a brilliant job as usual.

    I can’t wait to be 100% again.

    Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)

  6. Elaine says:

    John, I dont think anyone could be angry at you… disappointed that you won’t be us but not angry. So, where do we mail our Thingy presents to if we can’t hand it to you directly??? lol

    I know Host MACH was going to try to get us a Meet n Greet sometime on the 1st day (we’re on the March 29th sailing) with you so we’ll just have to have a drink and toast you instead!

    I’m sending lots of MAZEL to you, Heidi and Thingy and the next time we meet I’ll be calling you DADDY!!

    We’ll miss you…

  7. kiciaski says:

    Hello John,

    You’re right that we are disappointed because you won’t be on the Carnival Valor for the 3/22 sailing. We only booked because you were on it because we don’t care for the Western Caribbean ports as much. But since we can’t do the Blogger’s cruises we thought this would be a substitute. We are in Cabin 7440 and I’m sure we’ll still have a great time because after all, it’s a Carnival cruise.

    What do we do with the items we bought for you? Can we leave it with someone on the ship or should we mail it to England?

    Sorry you have to leave but we’re sure you’ll be glad to see the Splendor and our friend Ken again. Tell him we said Hello.

    George and Linda

  8. RichieRich says:

    John please reply-
    Hi John- sounds like you are back in your element being a CD all be it sounds like for just a short time. I bet a lot of people are glad you are out to sea,(lol). John, we are booked this fall on The Dream for a med cruise. Can you tell me when we will be able to book excursions online, as of right now this web site just shows, ” must be booked onboard”
    Thanks RR

  9. Elaine says:


    Oh, and even through we didnt purposely book this cruise knowing that you’ll be onboard (although we were really excited and looking forward to seeing you and The Bedtime Story again) we will be in cabin 6298 for the March 29th sailing (unless the Upgrade Fairy finds us!!!)…

    Again, you might want to post a mailing address for not only those that are/were sailing with you but for everyone that wants to send something to you, Heidi and Thingy!!

  10. Larry&Connie says:

    John, Hope your doing well. We had a simular booking incident when we made our final payment as did Cathy Moses. We had booked a balcony cabin cat.8a on the Victory leaving March 22nd back in Jan. 08 I had noticed that Carnival had a 55 plus rate that was less than we paid. So on Monday morning I

  11. Tim says:


    Hey I really enjoy your blog, it is cool seeing how things work on the inside..

    We have friends who we have cruised together every 2yrs and we are sailing on the Freedom on March 28th. As a travel agent, I was dissappointed that I will not be able to host an event on the 29th, but sailing away from FL with a Drink of the day will subside that pain!

    Do you know what kind of events are planned when you come here to Baltimore? I am very excited that we are getting the Pride.

  12. lou-anne says:

    Dear John , we remember all to well holding on for dear life as we took a tour in a van while in the grand caymen . It was one of those moments where everyone wished they had those handles to hold onto so as not to slide to the left or right as the van took its turn at break neck speed – leaving us wondering if the kids would actually enjoy our accident insurance .
    The experience of seeing the mopeds and vans nearly meeting one another to many times has enabled us to decide to find other excursions . I am sure if the kids ever get to go they will in fact not care , as tey do not have any sence of death what so ever – Our son is now able to drive with a big L on our windshield , the L my husband figures (which stands for Graduated learners Permit ) stands for lousy driver look out – has said it would be nuts to even think of that kind of excursion – our son is looking at the dune bug (jeep) excursions with saucer sized eyes , which we forsee as being an issue when we travel next . he has all kinds of notions of driving with suntanned muscles showing off for the young ladies in bikinis and all we invision is him looking the at this young ladies , while driving and us spending the rest of the vacation in a hospital .
    Well it is lovely and warm hear today a balmy minus 10 with a forcast of minus 25 for tomorrow – enough already . We have had enough of the winter and are so wanting to see spring – the radio announcer was so pleased to tell us spring was just around the corner , the days were getting longer and the sun screen should be brought out as the was a UV index of 3 – that means we could get a sunburn – my question is who would be out in minus 10 or 25 trying to get a tan ? So we are trying to cope with the winter , tax time , and really just hoping that the winning lotto ticket will be ours . While you are enjoying the warm carribean viewscapes keep us in you prayers for a major thaw.
    The blogs are keeping us entertained and please john tell us when will we see some more pictures of your wife and her expanding waist line . Any names picked out yet . You must meet thousands of people each week , and the name thing must be somewhat on your mind .
    have a great week .

  13. Erin W. says:

    Dear John (Please Reply):

    I think my comment may have been eaten by the blog thingy so I am sending it again!

    As ive told you before, I will be celebrating my 30th aboard the Glory with Butch and the gang on the April 18th sailing (45 days at the time of writing!). This will be my 3rd trip with Butch in the last 8 months – and as he has made each of my voyages wonderful – i would like to bring him a little something. Any suggestions? Do you know his t shirt size?
    Also as I have been in such short time spans on the same ship I have made some friends among the staff. In fact there is an amazing social host whose birthday is 2 days after mine. I would also like to bring her something…any suggestions here? Are they allowed gifts from the bon voyage department such as the coupons?

    Thanks John – Erin W.

  14. Patty says:

    Oh boy. Sad for us that you will not be on the Valor on the March 22nd sailing. I was very much looking forward to meet you in person. You were very kind to arrange a meet and greet for us on the Miracle the week before and I was going to bring you an honorary fig leaf (you need to read the roll call thread on CC to understand). Guess that will have to wait for a future sailing.

    Best wishes and success in the upcoming events.

    We are in Cabin 7206, but if you want to upgrade us to a suite, we could cry in comfort much better there!

    Patty Holmes

  15. Larry&Connie says:

    John, Hope your doing well. We had a simular incident happen ( Cathy Moses letter ) when we booked our cruise in Jan, 08 on the Victory for March 22. The day after we had paid our final payment ( saturday ) I seen that Carnival had a 55 plus rate for the Victory that was less than we had paid for our balcony cabin cat. 8a On monday morning I called our travel agent to see if she could get us the better rate. Carnival told her that since we had already paid in full we could not get that rate. But since we were past passageners they would upgrade us to 8c balcony. they gave us a choice side or rear cabin. We have sailed the Victory before on the New England cruise out of New York in a rear cabin. They seemed to be a little larger, so we chose the rear. Also that just happened to be the weekend Carnival droped the fuel charges. Coincidence? Anyway, we have NEVER had a bad time on a Carnival cruise even through 15 ft. waves, raining buckets, or so much fog you could’nt see the other end of the ship. Its all been fun. Say hello to Heidi & Thingy Larry & Connie

  16. prefdavid says:

    Hi John

    As the proud rider of a 1050cc Triumph Sprint I have to agree with Linda that I’d never ride anything with 2 wheels in the Caribbean and it’s pretty scary being on the roads in anything less than a Sherman tank!!

    However your descriptions of CBT etc in our wonderful but destitute country are a little incorrect. These 16 year olds buzzing around are only allowed 50cc mopeds and limited to 30mph, which is terrifying (for them) when they’re trying to go uphill with an articulated lorry 2 mm from their a**e!!

    By the way you can still start to drive a car at 17 here.

  17. DocF says:

    Regarding mopeds and safety: I always think of that old Bell Helmet advertisement which read, “If you have a $10 head, wear a $10 helmet.” I guess over sixty years of hanging around motor racing has made me very aware of safety issues. Modpeds are inherently dangerous and most riders do not use caution. That is a very scary combination.

  18. Justin (John Please Reply) says:

    That sucks John, I was looking forward to meeting that man the myth and the legend, on my upcoming 3/22 valor trip.

    Who will be filling in for you?

  19. Shannon says:

    Nooooo…….Say it isn’t so! I have read so many wonderful things about you and how lucky I was to have you as a CD for my 03/22/09 Valor cruise (cabin 2217). Even though I’m disappointed that you won’t be on our ship, I will have a Drink of the Day and enjoy the cruise! Good Luck to you on your new adventure and keep posting on this blog thingy!
    Shannon Sawlaw

  20. Rick H. says:


    I see thast Jaime and the Splendor crew came up with a past guest party that the rest of us will be jaelous of. Well done! (Thanks Jaime for the continued updates.)

    I’ve got to add my 2 cents worth to Catrin’s post (and your response), as I can relate with the frustration she has expressed. We also have 3 children, ages 12, 10 and 10 (yes, they’re twins). With 5 family members, we have to book 2 cabins on the newer ships. Generally, we have to book well in advance in order to be assured of receiving one of the limited number of cabins with an inside connecting door. While this has its advantages (a second bathroom), it means that we can’t even be considered for upgrades 🙁 .

    We have been lucky enough to have friends and/or relatives join us on several cruises, and this is the case again on our upcoming Miracle trip (25 days and counting!). Most of those joining us have gotten significant upgrades (book an 8A, get an 8I) because of promotions that have run recently.

    It is getting to be particularly frustrating to us (as loyal Platinum-level CCL patrons) that we see so many others getting upgrades that are not available to us or for which we are not eligible because we have had to book so far in advance.

    I know that it isn’t feasible to price-adjust those who have previously booked; nor can more connected cabins be added between trips just to accomodate upgrades. What other ways are there to address this? I don’t know — maybe some sort of a plan where past CCL guests who booked at a certain level and didn’t already get an upgrade are given the option to book another future cruise (say, within 2 years) with an upgrade similar to those given on the voyage already booked. Using us as an example, we’re booked into connecting category 8B cabins on an 8-day cruise. Under this concept: because there are current promotions for “buy an 8A, get upgraded to 8I”, we would be able to purchase a future cruise of similar length at the lowest balcony level having connecting cabins and be upgraded to the highest-level connecting balcony cabins. This would reward your guests’ decision to book early and add incentive to book another cruise soon. This concept could even be altered to provide the full benefit to Platinum guests and a partial benefit (maybe a 2-category upgrade, under my scenario above) to other past guests.

    Just a thought from another loyal CCL fan!

  21. dwa76 says:

    Hi John!
    Such a true anecdote about mopeds and i cringe when i see them in the islands knowing how poorly they are maintained. I am sure that the guy who runs the business in the Keys does a much better job with their upkeep.
    Nice letter from Jaime today and its great to see how well received the past-guest party went. Nice pics!
    Sorry to hear about your new schedule. I know many people are upset but they have to realize that schedules change in a heartbeat and corporate can move you around in the blink of an eye. It happens. Its not the first time and it won’t be the last time.
    Congrats on the great ratings you received from your last voyage.
    Hope you have a nice day today.
    Take care!

  22. Lorelei says:


    At least we will have you onboard for St. Patty’s Day and as CD for half of our cruise. I can’t wait until we set sail on 3/15 and hopefully the Grand Cayman swells will be gone by then.

  23. Dear Pinocchio,

    There never was any whirlwind romance with Jaime or anyone else. I think you have now ensured that any future (sugar free) chocolates that Elizabeth gives you will contain between 50 and 100% ex-lax. You obviously are in disparate need of some relief.


  24. Thomas (Ted) Daniels says:


    Thanks for your entertaining blog. My wife turned me onto it, and we both read it on our lunch hours now while trying to hold in the laughter.

    By a turn of luck, we’ve got our third (wy wife’s fifth, I think) cruise booked for the Carnival Dream’s second European itinerary in October. I say a turn of luck because we were originally booked on the Freedom (I think that’s right) on Oct. 1st, then it was bumped to the 2nd, and then the next thing I knew, we’re on the Dream – which I’d never heard of – on the 3rd.

    My only European trip prior to this one was a business trip to Poland, and neither my wife or my Mom have ever been, so I was wondering:

    1. Are there any special recommendations you have for this 12-day itinerary? My wife is excited about Dubrovnik for some unknown reason, and I can’t wait to see Venice. I’m sure you can tell us a couple of off-the-map places.
    2. Are you going to be the CD for all three European itineraries? Reading your blog, it sounds like your’re going to be on the inaugural sailing, and I think I read you say you may cross the Atlantic with the Dream. Can you confirm – or tell us we’re wrong – that you’ll be on our sailing?
    3. With all the Dream hype, this is probably not an issue, but is there any chance the October Europe sailings will be cancelled again? On one hand, you have all the money and marketing spent on the Dream, but on the other hand, the economy doesn’t seem to be getting better. We seriously considered not re-booking when the Freedom was pulled out of Europe, as we didn’t know about the Dream and started to wonder if it was just destiny not to take a European cruise. My wife is a travel agent, and she says that Carnival is telling her the Oct. 3rd booking is filling fast, but I can’t help being a bit worried.

    I’d appreciate any answers you have to any or all three questions. I’m really getting excited about sharing this trip-of-a-lifetime with my wife and parents!

    Ted Daniels

  25. Stef aka Hockey Addict says:

    Hi John!

    I don’t know what it is…. but I have a feeling that you hate scooters =) I was laughing my butt off again today John… Thanks a gazillion!

    Thanks again to Jaime… I bet those bartenders had their hands full for the special party! It was so nice to hear that all the passengers made way for the poor passenger that had the medical emergency! I hope he is OK!

    And John…. I’m glad those 157 French passengers are outta your hair!! =)

    Thanks for making me laugh each and every day!!


  26. John, omg we was so excited that you was to be our cruise dir. on the carnival valor march 22nd. This was the main reason we booked, well atleast the main reason 6 of the 10 booked. This is really depressing for us. I wish we would of booked balcony rooms again rather than the insiders, atleast then we could watch for flying fish rather than watching the hairy chest contest. I hate this.


  27. ROBERT & DORIS says:

    HI JOHN,
    My wife and I just returned from our eighth (8) carnival cruise in the last 2 years, here is my guest number if you want to verify it,68084210 ..
    This is the first time that I feel like i just wont be able to sleep again until i vent this to you.
    We sailed on the Ecstasy 2/26/09.
    I am so darn mad i could chew nails, the first morning of the cruise we went to Lido deck for the breakfast buffet by the pool, as always a buffet meens you help yourself, BUT NOT ON THE ECSTASY! The Bacon is rationed out by a server,and he acts like its funny to only give out 2 slices per plate,,when we asked for more bacon he gave us each 1 more slice!!!!!
    This was true at all 4 of the breakfast buffets on the ship for all 4 days…..
    You could help yourself to anything else, but not the bacon,,,,I LOVE MY BACON, AND CARNIVAL CHEATED ME…..
    On all other ships we have sailed on, the smoking on lido deck was the entire starboard side…..but on the Ecstacy we were only given a few tables over by the pool, next to the screaming kids…..
    I wont even try to bore you with the other problems on ECSTACY like balconly doors on our suite that wont close without 3 men to pull on it, or the elevators that are out of service, or the chef from India that can not cook without curry on everything, and lets not forget the broken ice cream machines.
    THE last full day at sea we had 30 foot seas, and a very rough ride, the CAPTAIN got on the PA. system and apoligized…….HELL we all know carnival cant control the weather,,,, THE CAPTAIN should have apoligized for the lack of bacon and smoking areas…..

  28. DC IN SD says:

    Please reply John..will you be on board the Splendor 3/24,25 or 26 for the special travel agent cruise to nowhere out of LA? I will be on board with agent friend for the 2 nights, and would be delighted to watch you perform again. Was onboard the Freedom’s 2nd cruise in Europe last year.

  29. Tricia says:

    This will be our fourth cruise, my three-year olds third cruise. My second daughter will turn one on this cruise leaving March 14th on the Freedom and we would like to celebrate her first birthday onboard. When I’ve called our group rep. she hasn’t been very forthcoming with information on what we can do to celebrate, do you have any suggestions? Thanks.


  30. luvcruisin says:

    Hi John,

    If you have time, please respond.
    Its been a long time since I’ve been away from the blog. Maybe close to 9 months. But I’ve been back reading the last couple of weeks and I have to tell you, I like what you’ve done with it. I like the fact that you add the comments into your blog right before your replies. That makes it so much easier to match up. My favorite thing is the videos. I wish you would send more of them of what takes place on the ship. Like clips of the shows or your welcome aboard shows. Those are awesome. My daughter and I enjoyed our cruise last April on the Carnival Freedom. (I took her as a graduation gift). We had requested a large dining table but ended up with a table for 2. But it turned out OK because she really got a kick out of our waiter, Arsana. He was great. The folks at the table next to us ordered at least 1 of everything on the menu and usually 2 entrees each. No kidding. I was embarrassed for them. Anyway, Arsana never blinked an eye, always bringing everything and anything for them and with a smile!! My husband and I are planning an April 2010 cruise on the Carnival Dream. Any chances you will be the CD? I would love it if you were. I wish you and Heidi the best with the wee thingy. You are a very special person. How kind of you to give that waiter money who went out back and freshly squeezed that OJ for that undeserving couple that left before he returned! The world needs more people like you.

  31. Clair says:

    Hi John!

    I agree — the Caribbean and mopeds do not belong together.

    Hi Jaime – Thanks for the wonderful updates.

  32. Cruzin2some says:

    I agree with you about the pier in Grand Cayman. It would be so much nicer to pull up to a nice pier like in Ocho Rios Jamaica, Yeah Mon! You would think with all of the banks and illegal money that people with crooked noses have there that they could afford it.
    James & Nancy
    The Cruzin2some

  33. DianeCruzin2 says:

    Hi John, Please reply

    I was just wondering, with all the $$$ in Grand Caymen, why haven’t they built a pier.


  34. divetrash says:

    Hi John,

    Thanks for the shout out to the Piano Bar Entertainers! I always like to see them get some love.

    Here’s a couple of updates to the list you posted…

    Freedom: Vince Strong 2/28/2009 – 6/??/2009
    Miracle: Peter Rossetti 3/13/2009 – TBA

    Taking over after Greg Gallello…
    Splendor: Ron Pass 3/19/09 – 7/11/2009

    Taking over after Eric Fischer…
    Victory: Angela Johnson 5/3/2009 – ???

    Folks can find lists that we try to keep as updated as possible over on cruisemates.com http://www.cruisemates.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=589808

    or cruisecritic.com http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=362780

    A big “Hi” to Chris Prideaux, whom I had the pleasure of chatting with on the Bloggers Cruise, and his team that schedule all these entertainers.

    I don’t know how you keep up with all your own schedule changes. Valor, San Francisco, home, Baltimore, home, etc… I’m exhausted after just a 2 day business trip to Atlanta!

    Take care of yourself!

    Best to Heidi and Thingy! And of course regards to Vance, Tom and the Stephanies!


    Laura (aka divetrash, aka Princess Laura of Big Ed’s Evil Krewe)

  35. Jilliebeans says:

    Hi John,
    Long time reader, first time poster here. I have been stopping by your blog every now and again to catch up with your adventures…never imagining I would actually cross paths with you! When I read over on CC that you were to be our CD, I came back everyday, keeping up with your time on the Valor, and looking forward to meeting you on the 3/22 sailing!
    Alas, it was not meant to be. I will now have to break the news to my traveling companions – first time cruisers – that we no longer have ‘the best’ CD in the industry 🙂 (that, and they’re already making fun of the fact we’re booked on the ‘bottom’ deck in Cabin 1395, should make for a vacation I’ll never live down!) *giggle*
    Please do not feel you’re letting anyone down – though looking forward to you being on board, I understand that schedules change – and wish you, Heidi & Thingy all the best, wherever you’ll be! I’ll just have to catch up with you some other time…

  36. Newt98 says:

    What a bummer John,
    I was so looking forward to having you as our CD. I never really cared who the CD was until you, isn’t that romantic? lol. Hopefully someday we can sail with you, until then, we’ll just keep going ship to ship looking!

    Sailing on March 29, 2009

  37. hello dude! hope all is well with you and the stephanies. i don’t have another cruise booked until dec. 13! yikes… i’d better get busy! ha ha ha

    smiles, bonnie and prince charlie

  38. Elizabeth MacCurrach says:

    Dear John,

    Our family of five is sailing on the Valor on March 22 and are so very disappointed to hear the news that you will not be our CD. We are, of course, still looking forward to this wonderful cruise, but after following your blog, I am very sad that we will not have the pleasure of meeting you. You mentioned in your blog to give you our names and cabin numbers-Elizabeth MacCurrach cabin 6459 and cabin 6455 on the Valor 3/22-3/29. We can only hope that some day we will meet you on another cruise. Keep up the wonderful bog-we love it!

  39. Phil & Liz says:

    Just in case there are folks new to the fleets names, I took the “liberty” of explaining the capital letter abbreviations in front of the piano players names you posted……I hope I got them right.
    ELation Peter Rossetti 02/26/09
    HOliday Lisa York 02/28/09
    FreeDom Peter Brenner 02/28/09
    SPirit Steve Brisley 03/12/09
    SpLendor Greg Gallello 03/19/09
    InSpiration Barry Miller 04/06/09
    GLory Gayla Smith 04/11/09
    TrIumph Angela Johnson 04/12/09
    FaScination Mikael Smith 04/13/09
    PAradise Jordan Heppner 04/13/09
    PRide Duane Lewis 04/18/09
    FAntasy Richard Canter 05/02/09
    ECstasy Lorraine Ingle 05/02/09
    VIctory Eric Fischer 05/03/09
    LEgend Jason Davis 05/03/09
    IMagination Josh Tuckman 05/04/09
    ConQuest Milburn Dumas 06/07/09
    SEnsation Robert Stiel 06/11/09
    LIberty Larry Maconaghy 07/08/09
    DEstiny Brad Alexander 07/23/09
    VAlor Roger Concepcion 08/23/09

    John, what time on the 19th will you be in Houston? We will meet you at the “Shrub “airport and buy you a cup of tea.

    Phil & Liz

  40. luvcruisin says:


    I forgot to mention in my last comment that I found your rendition of riding a moped hysterical. I owned a moped when I first started driving for reasons you mentioned. I was 16 and it was my means of transportation to and from work among other things. I used it about 10 months of the year and I live in the Northeast and get about 5 feet of snow. It was quite a site. And yes, I crashed it too. I was driving to my grandmothers house to bring her a picture of my prom. I was so proud of that. I believe I was actually carrying my picture while trying to drive. 🙂 I don’t even know what happened. I had just turned a corner onto her road and I think I hit some loose gravel. the next thing I know, I was in the ditch with a scratched up leather jacket but my prom picture still in my hand. I was OK and still continued to drive it. I would go 20 Miles on it to see my boyfriend. I think that took me about 1 1/2 hours. 🙂 It was worth it…we’ve been married 23 years this year.

  41. Karen Edmonson says:

    John Please Reply:

    You said your schedule is changing and you are meeting the Splendor in San Francisco- what day and can the public come, I live 1 1/2 hrs from there. Also you mentioned Los Angeles, are you going to be at Long Beach where the ships dock ?? I also have family there and most of the time leave from there. Just would like to be involved or see you again, thanks

    Hi to Heidi and the baby

  42. Bill Copper says:


    If I read correctly, I understand you will be the CD for our cruise departing June 14 from Ft. Lauderdale on the Freedom. How exciting!
    I’ve been enjoying your blog the last few weeks as I’ve been getting myself psyched up for our vacation. This will be our 4th cruise on Carnival and I can’t wait to enjoy your humor, knoweldge, and attention to the customer in person.

    See you in a few months!

  43. Jeanette says:

    John, I take it this is the first time you have anchored at Spot bay. It was busy with ONE ship, I can’t imagine three ships!!!

    Mopeds–Egads, pricy or what…

    I have a question about edocs. I have a spa suite booked on the Splendor and it doesn’t how VIP on the luggage tags. I went a year ago in February and had a Cat 11 cabin on the Conquest and our tags said VIP. My luggage tags do not say that for the Splendor…..who do I call to get this straightened out…
    Now, John, I need you do to me a favour. I need you to get Aleksandr Kazakov, the maitre’d on the Triumph to move to the Freedom for April and then to the Splendor for September. I need some serious eye candy and I want a hot stud muffin to look at….John, you are handsome, otherwise Heidi wouldn’t have picked you, but Alex is oh so damn hot and sexy!!!! and I hear he is close to the same age as me….

  44. Hello John!

    I feel like the rug has just been pulled out from under me!! I was so looking forward to meeting my “famous” Cruise Director on my March 22nd Valor sailing!! While I have learned many things off of your blog and shared many laughs with my family and fellow bloggers, I will be truly disappointed not to meet you. I know you have to move on, and I wish you and your family the best. Who knows maybe we will meet up again. Cheers!

    Cabins 2238, 2228, 2256, 2214

  45. Shawn says:

    Hey John,
    What a bummer! I was really looking forward to having you on our Valor sailing 03/22/09 (1051). Any chance you’ll be on the Dream in October?

  46. Diane Wojda says:

    Hi John,
    We were so disappointed to hear that you will not be our cruise director for the 3/22 cruise. We were having trouble picking a cruise for that week and as soon as I heard that you were to be the cruise director – I knew that was the cruise we had to be on. We have been reading your blog and really love it. We understand that you are extremely busy with your new duties – but we are still disappointed. I know we will have a great time – but our 10 year old was so looking forward to your bedtime story!! It would be wonderful if Big Tex was able to come back early – but again understand if he is not able. Hopefully, we can plan a cruise again where we can meet.

    Best wishes to you, Heidi, and Thingy.

    Room 7314

  47. jaxonboy says:

    Hi John

    Book a suite, get more room. Sounds reasonable. Are the suites hard to sell?

    Giving everyone the deluxe robes makes everyone feel important and valued. Smart move.

    We rebooked our June Liberty Baltic cruise on the Rotterdam and learned of their policy of matching perks to cabin. Our cabin was so cheap they will probably turn off the hot water and put a coin box on the TV and the lights. What do you want to be?

    The fact that Carnival rewards 10 cruise loyalty with some perks is compelling. Should platinum be for sale? Hmmmmmmmmmm no.

    I agree 100% that Carnival goes all out for every guest, I have experienced it and believe it to be a contributor to success. Fun for all. Why mess with what works? Serve the masses, live with the classes, serve the classes live with the masses.

    your friend

    Bill Heck

  48. Julie Herdman says:

    Well, bugger! So upset, but not MAD, as one has to understand that schedules do change. I was looking forward to finally meeting the hysterical writer that I love. I will be on the March 29th Valor cruise in cabin #1109. We will be on a Spring Break trip (teachers) and are looking forward to some well deserved rest and relaxation. Good luck to you as you begin a new adventure. We will miss you! Julie

  49. robert says:

    amazing schedule john talk about putting a little bounce into it wow Valor, San Francisco, splendor back home, Baltimore/pride. . As you know because i had to go back into hospital for 6 days (just got out last Saturday) we will miss you on the valor but we will try like hell to catch you on freedom with heidi and the little one, cant wait. John do you get credit for all them trip in air miles on your account????lol i hope so.

  50. Julie says:

    I am so sorry to hear that you are not going to be on our cruise with us… (3/22 Valor). I am new to your blog as well as to the whole social network of people who are so into cruises and was looking forward to meeting you! I hope your trip is wonderful though and wish you the best… guess this means we will just have to take another cruise to meet you… Oh darn 😉 🙂 we are honeymooning on this cruise and will be in cabin 9257. I hope everything is going well with Heidi and baby! Good luck!

  51. Scott Shields says:

    Hey John,

    How are you? I love reading your blog and watching the videos that you have posted on you tube. I think you are so funny. I have been on 11 Carnival cruises and have not had the chance to cruise with you. I have had 11 of them and the best one besides you would be Chris (i think) Jefferson or something like that. I sailed when Chris was on the Celebration and he just made the trip a good one. I am also glad to hear that the Celebration is no longer part of your fleet. After sailing on other ships and to go on the Celebration I was very disappointed, as I am sure I would be if I went on the Holiday, but Chris was just great. How much longer will they keep the Holiday in service? Also, I would love to be a CD or a Social Host, can you help me out? I hope to hear back from you soon.


  52. luvcruisin says:

    If you have time, please respond.
    I’m sending this again as it appears the first one is out there in cyberspace somewhere. Anyway, I’ve been away from the blog for about 9 months now and have been back reading it for a couple weeks now. I have to say, I love what you’ve done with it. I love that you put the comment before your replies. That makes it easier to match up. I also LOVE your videos. I would love to see more of those. Like more clips of your welcome aboard shows or other shows throughout the week. They are awesome.
    My husband and I are planning a cruise on the Carnival Dream April 2010. Any chances that you will be the CD? I would love it if you were.
    I think it was very sweet of you to give some money to that waiter that went out back to freshly squeeze some oranges for that undeserving couple that left before he returned. The world needs more people like you.
    I wish you, Heidi and the wee thingy all the best.

  53. Sara says:

    I am sorry to hear that you will be leaving in the middle of our cruise on the Valor the week of the 15th. I must admit that when we booked, I had no clue about the different cruise directors, but after researching and finding your blog, I was so thrilled that we would be so lucky to have you on that cruise. It is our first cruise in 6 years, and first ever on Carnival.

  54. Sara says:

    By the way, we are in cabin 8343 that week on the Valor, which looks to be right under the pools — and I have heard that they get quite noisy — is that true?

  55. texaskit says:

    Dear John (reply to your reply for another reply)
    Thanks for the quick response. Amazingly this morning I was able to book the very same excursion online at the CCL website that was “sold onboard only” (See Below)

    Ultimate Yukon & White Pass Railroad Adventure
    Description: This combination excursion takes you aboard a deluxe motor coach to experience the magic and mystery of the famed Yukon Territory and returns aboard the famous White Pass & Yukon Railway. Full Details
    Duration: 8 Hours
    Pricing: Adult: Sold Onboard Only Child: Sold Onboard Only
    But…………….Going thru a different portion of the website you get this:

    Duration: 8 Hours

    Pricing From:
    Adult: $205
    Child: $152

    So I guess I found my own answer..it depends on which part of the site you go thru 🙂

    Hugs and Kisses to you, Heidi and Thingy
    Texaskit (aka knockyknees)

  56. Pat Carroll says:

    SO sorry to hear you won’t be our CD on the Valor. We sail from Miami on 3/22 on our first ever cruise (Cabin 7377) and we were looking forward to having what seems to be the best CD on the seas. Our loss!
    Safe travels to you!



    Great blog as usual! It is so nice to have you back being a CD again–I LOVE IT when you include the guest comments!
    When you are participating in the special events in San Francisco, are these things that those of your fans that live in this area can see you at? It will be so great to have you so close and I know that there are tons of us who live in the area that would love to come out and see you!!! Please let us know! Oh, and by the way, I signed up to host a Carnival, Sunday Fun Day, event at my house, so hopefully I am picked and you can join us! CHEERS!

  58. Leslie says:

    Ahhh rats, just read about your schedule change on this here bloggy thingy – reading it always gets me excited about our next cruise! You are too funny… We were with you on the Freedom, Grand Mediterranean in June of 2007 (best vacation EVER) and our group was looking forward to another bedtime story! Please work on getting Carnival back to Europe for summer 2010!

    Best of luck with thingy!

    Leslie (Valor 3/22/09 – 6355 & 6357)

  59. gammy3gks says:

    Hi John… Thank you for taking time out of your busy CD life to answer past questions from me. You are simply put, ‘amazing’! Anyway, 2 reasons for this letter. I had wrote previously about the scrapbooking program onboard the Valor needed a drastic uphaul and was wondering if you had had a chance to check it out or talk with Amy (who was in charge of this when we cruised in December)? I have been chatting with several people from different boards that love to cruise ‘all things Carnival’ but disappointed in the supplies had by the crew. Thank you. Also, I can’t hardly believe all the disgruntled passengers you deal with each cruise! How horrible!! I think it would be fun for us if you would put up some of your funniest and most ridiculous comments made by passengers! Make our day! God bless you, Heidi and Thingy!

  60. Naomi & Marty says:

    Reply only if you want to…

    Hi John, We are Elaine’s parents and the first time I have ever come on this website. Having a hard time figuring your site out but will keep trying. We were so looking forward to seeing you once again on our March 29th sailing. This will be our 21st with Carnival and would have been our 4th or 5th with you. This cruise is the start of our 75th and 80th birthday celebrations this coming May & June. This time there will be 6 of our family, 5 of us Platinum. On our next one in June, I’ll already be 75 and Marty will turn 80 on the cruise…(ssshhh its a surprise cruise for him). I’m sorry we will miss you this time but know for sure that we will again catch up with you in the future.

    I really came on here to tell you Mazel Tov on the upcoming birth of your baby. I was thrilled when Elaine told me you were going to be a Daddy… I just know that you & Heidi will be absolutely wonderful parents. I was also wondering if you’ll have the baby with you on the ship the first years of his/her life. You can either email Elaine (its her email address I gave), let everyone know here or send me a letter to cabin 6338 Valor March 29th cruise…I think you know the address!!

  61. Maxine says:

    We are sorry to hear you will not be our CD on 3/22 on the Valor. We had hoped to see you then, since we were unable to do the Bloggers 2. How will we put our cruise to rest, without your bedtime story. Our loss is another’s gain. Have fun, and come back to the Carribean soon.
    Since so many bloggers are guest on each cruise, could a time and place be alotted for bloggers to meet and greet?
    Cabin 2355

  62. Kristin says:

    I’m so disappointed to hear you won’t be on the 3/22 sailing of the Valor. Hubby and I will be taking our first cruise, and I felt like we had scored with the most famous CD of all time on our trip. (As this is our first time, I have no idea what on earth you do, but I was looking forward to finding out! CC boards can’t get enough of you!)

    Maybe next time…
    Kristin & John (7426)

  63. Naomi & Marty says:

    Please respond if your want to… I gave you my daughters email address…

    I am so sorry if this is a repeat. I am still so confused with this site and trying to find and read everything. I think I posted the other night but can’t find it…

    We are Elaine’s parents and when she told me that you were no longer going to be our Cruise Director I had to come on here and tell you how disappointed we are. We have previously cruised with you 3 or 4 times and laughed everytime we had you.. You are truly one of the reasons why us Mature Adults keep coming back to Carnival. This upcoming March 29th Valor cruise will be our 21st with Carnival and while we have always had a great time, you truly have made it better every time you’ve been our Cruise Director. You were truly blessed with a gift to make people laugh.

    I think we are probably your oldest (in age only) fans. I will be celebrating my 75th in May and Marty will be 80th in June when we cruise again on the Freedom.

    So I came on here to tell you that I am sorry that we will miss you this time around but I’m sure we will catch up with you again in the future. Oh, and I can’t find it right now, but Heidi looks absolutely wonderful pregnant. (she looks wonderful not pregnant too). Will the little one be cruising with you the first few years of his/her life? I certainly hope so as I would like to meet the newest member of your family.

    If your plans should change (tell the big boss to keep you on the Valor), please feel free to knock on our cabin door, 6338 or definitely join us for dinner one night. We will be at early seating and we are cruising with 4 other family members. 5 of the 6 of us are Platinum and we’re working on making the 6th (my grandson) Platinum soon!!!

    Good luck to you, Heidi and the new baby.

  64. kay grundy says:

    I have been on 3 carnival cruises and am from England but I really feel that Carnival has more of a bonding with the US citizens as everything seems to be more how can i put it without seeming rude which i,m not being ,for them,for example I get a load of e-mails from a company in the USA but cannot participate in their offers as I am not a U.S. citizen I have tried several times to book this way and get right to the end only to find that because i am not a us citizen the offer is not available, and have to book here in england where we dont seem to get the wonderful offers available in the US and it costs us a lot more money

  65. Joe Thomas says:

    We haven’t seen you since we made you a copy of the “p” video that we had.You said you had lost yours.Anyway,we are booked on the Glory for August,and the Dream for December.That will be 22 and 23 cruises for us.All on Carnival.We have gone on many others prior to 1990 and are rounding up pictures to send in for proof.The advice not to rent mo-peds is very good.Too many guests get hurt on them because they can’t ride worth a da##.I hope we see you on the Dream in Dec.Please sat hello to Heidi for us.Thanks for many enjoyable cruises.
    Joe and Dianne Thomas

  66. Can this be used by somebody only needing to lose around ten pounds?

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