A Day at Sea…And With Water in the Pool

June 30, 2009 -

John Heald

So I had to see what all the fuss was about. Unless you have spent the last two years on Uranus or have been held captive in a cellar by terrorists waiting for Jack Bauer to rescue you will all have heard of High School Musical? And as it was one of our new Seaside Theatre movies and was playing last night ………….I went to have my first look.
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Back on the Job

June 29, 2009 -

John Heald

One of the things I love to do on the first day of a cruise is have a walk around the ship….no name tag on………dressed casually…………so unless someone has cruised with me before they will have no idea that I am the cruise director.

I have done this for many years as taught to me by Carnival’s greatest ever CD Gary Hunter. I do this so I can a feel for who is onboard and the demographics of our guests. One of the places I always hover around is the Information Desk or Guest Services Desk as it is now called. Here you will see and hear everything from cabin upgrade requests to people who are just lost and can’t find……well…………..anything. That was the case today but as always there was one person or in this case one couple who stole the show.
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Crying and Cougars

June 27, 2009 -

John Heald

Conference calls are totally brilliant. I was on one yesterday and thanks to the magic mute button on my raspberry I could sit there, listen, type my blog and fart and none of the dozen or so people on the call are any the wiser. I was talking to ……….or rather not talking to………..a group of people from our Miami office. Now, for those of you who have never experienced a conference call let me explain what happens. They’re exactly like a normal meeting in that nothing happens and nothing gets done and everyone talks bollocks but you don’t have to sit there, remembering not to fall asleep and not to pick your nose in front of President Gerry Cahill.

I just poured myself another cup of tea and at one point during the call I went to the toilet for five minutes, and when I finally rejoined the conversation nobody had even noticed I’d been away.
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Heidi Hi

June 26, 2009 -

John Heald

I don’t think I can start today’s blog without mentioning Michael Jackson whom I am now so sorry to say I poked fun at recently. Frailty is part of the human condition and Michael Jackson had more than his fair share of it. But I am going to remember him for his music.

He had the voice of an angel and he was a lion on the stage. The raw energy of his live performances had to be seen to be believed and I will never forget the Thriller concert my mate Alan and I went to all those years ago. It’s a great sadness that so many of his wonderful achievements will be eclipsed by the strangeness of his everyday life. The problem with celebrity is that is magnifies you, in the true sense of the word, so that all your talents and all your failings are equally visible. And God knows, when I think of my own faults, I wouldn’t like them to be enlarged.
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An Odyssey, A Peter And…..A Dream

June 25, 2009 -

John Heald

Todd Wittmer and his entertainment staff threw a brilliant deck party last night………one of the very best I have ever seen. Todd was up there leading the fun, singing about not being able to get any satisfaction, but having seen his girlfriend I know that’s a load of bollocks. He was also dressed in ummmm…….well……..what apparently is these days something called “metrosexual fashion.” This included a suit…………a T-shirt with no collar…….a tie…….and a cap that looked like something my grandfather used to wear when he went to watch a cricket match. I asked Todd what this was all about………and he told me……….”Dress for success.”
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The Games Women Play

June 24, 2009 -

John Heald

So, there I was wandering aimlessly round the ship yesterday afternoon unable to go ashore in St. Thomas because US Immigration thought I might have an AK-47 in my underpants….. and I was bored……….really, really bored. And so I ended up in the video game arcade thingy and decided that as I couldn’t take my frustration out on the Whopper eating public of the Virgin Islands ………I would kill some Zombies instead.

As I entered the arcade I saw it was pretty quiet and apart from a few kids playing air hockey it was just me. So, I started releasing my boredom by doing some driving.
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You Will Start to Feel Sleepy

June 23, 2009 -

John Heald

“What a load of bollocks,” I cried when one of the entertainment staff here on the Carnival Freedom revealed that her dramatically slimmed-down figure was not the result of the latest Hollywood diet or a hot new personal trainer, but was in fact due to……………. hypnotherapy.
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What Not to Wear

June 22, 2009 -

John Heald

I was talking to a mate yesterday about age and getting older…..and I was trying to explain that getting older has advantages. Behavior that was once unacceptable is becoming what’s expected. Let me explain, when I was a younger cruise director and wanted to stay in my cabin and watch a movie rather than go out to the disco, everyone thought I was a loser. My fellow crew members would nag me to join them: “C’mon, you’re young! Live it up!” and I would tell them to bugger off.
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Master of Your Dream

June 21, 2009 -

John Heald

I know I am a little late writing about this but the Obamas became the owners of a Portuguese water dog, named Bo. Subsequently, the advent of the First Dog made heart-warming “And finally…” stories around the world’s TV news broadcasts.

Well, there we go. They’ve got the damn dog now and it gives me a chance to talk about the four legged things. On Friday night I enjoyed a quick dinner with some Roger and his beautiful wife Marie and their two fab kids.

Unfortunately we had one extra dinner companion ………a Cocker Spaniel called Shitter……..sorry………called Fisher.
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Remembering Robert

June 21, 2009 -

John Heald

He would always sit in the third row, middle section on the end seat with his wife Suzann by his side.

Robert would always be the first to volunteer for my shows and by the end of each cruise would be the most recognised guest on the ship.

He cruised with me over 40 times and with Carnival over 50. He and Suzann would always book their vacation based on what ship I was on and so we became great friends. Robert was fiercely loyal to Carnival and if anyone dared to say anything untoward about his beloved Carnival they would receive the full force of his New Jersey personality.
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Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.