Raspberry Genoa Blog – part 1

June 4, 2009 -

John Heald

Heidi made some excuse about being busy looking after Kye and therefore she would not be able to pack my suitcase for this trip to Italy. No worries I thought, I am 44 years old and I am going for only five days. So, it will come as know surprise then when I tell you that I forgot:

My hairbrush
My suspenders
And……..spare underwear.

That’s not a joke…….I truly did, I promise, forget to pack my spare underwear. Now, I did actually pack them and even put them in a plastic bag which then I placed in my carry on bag so if Ryan Air lost my suitcase then me and my thingy would be covered.

Problem is that at the last minute I decided that taking a big carry on was not needed and so would just take my laptop bag leaving my five pairs of tidy whities at home.

So, I have no hairbrush, no toothpaste and no suspenders. I shall therefore arrive at the Costa ship later today with unkempt hair, the breath of a camel and with my pants around my ankles……….they will no doubt think I am French.

Seriously though I bought a comb and some Colgate but as for suspenders ……I tried three different shops here in Italy and it seems it would be easier to buy a bag of spaghetti al a buffalo scrotum then a pair of sodding suspenders. You may be thinking………buy a belt you idiot……….good thinking………the only problem is that belts here in La Dolce Vita that is Italy are only made for men with the same waist size as an anorexic meercat. I actually asked one senjora in a shop for one that would cover a 48-inch waist and she laughed and moved her hand up and down ………I laughed……moved one finger up and down…….and buggered off……….rude cow.

I also didn’t bother looking for underpants. I refuse to pay $50 for one pair just because it has the words Dolce and Bollocabana on it and besides…..just as the belts are all small in Italy so are the underpants. This is of course so the Italian man’s thingy looks the size of a zucchini when really it’s no bigger than a baby carrot.

So, what to do? Well, I have had to develop a system where one pair of underpants can be made to last for my whole trip. I will wear them back to front on day two, inside out on day three and then inside out and back to front on day four. Then on day five when I fly I home I shall do so ….commando style.

I am now off on the long trip to Genoa and I will write as soon as I can.



Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.