Let me ask you all a question. What is the proper etiquette for putting your seat back on a plane?

I know people say “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” but if the person in front of you puts their seat back, then what?

Here I am on a long nine-hour flight to Miami and I am not proud to say that the emotions of leaving Heidi and Kye boiled over…….and I got into an argument with the man seated behind me. I waited until after the meal service had ended and then slowly, I began to recline. Normally I try to go back a small amount at a time but on this particular occasion I was exhausted from the past few months and went all the way.

Suddenly I felt a strong tap on my shoulder. He was in the seat diagonally behind me and he looked outraged."That's not right," he snapped. His tone suggested I had done something immoral. "My wife has no room for her legs."I know some people at this point would have immediately raised their seat forward. But I didn't like his attitude. He was blaming me for his wife's discomfort when it's the fault of whoever designed the bloody plane. Also, he wasn't asking me nicely, he was demanding. And acting like I had vomited over her.

What about my right to choose to rest? I looked right at him and said, defiantly, "I'll move my seat up but just so you know, I don't like being ordered to do it." It made matters worse. Loud enough for other passengers to hear, he announced: "You're not a very nice person.” Then he added: "My wife is pregnant." This I had to see. I twisted my torso around and IF his wife was pregnant, she must have conceived while checking in and packed the after birth in one of those bags they give you for toiletries...... I looked more pregnant than she did. And if she was so upset why wasn't she speaking out? She was the one suffering the consequences of my six inches ..........of recline.

Maybe she didn't care. And another thing, if he was so concerned about his wife's discomfort, why not offer to switch seats with her? I hated him as much as he hated me and the fact that as he spoke he chomped on his chewing gum making snapping noises every 10 seconds.

But I moved the seat forward in a conciliatory gesture. "There," I said, "I've moved it." For the rest of the trip, every time he got up he intentionally jolted my seat. To the point where if I was drinking coffee from one of the tiny cups it would spill. Those cups only hold three sips - and I need every one of them. It’s not that I don't understand. There's nothing worse than someone reclining their seat back in your face. You want to complain or pound them with your in flight magazine - but you don't.

Just like you want to throw your drink over people who talk during the movie and squeeze the nipples of people who push on line on Lido deck with the tongs

If everyone did that it would be anarchy. Or life in New York.

Instead, the polite thing to do is either ask them nicely to adjust the seat or sit silently, simmering with rage, vowing to make more money so that you can fly business class in the future.

I asked my friend who works at the airlines what the policy is on this. She laughed. "What policy? We expect people to use common sense. If someone is over six feet, don't put your seat back." So. Anyone under six feet is on their own? I’ve been stuck with my nose an inch from an airline seat countless times and never say anything. I'll think to myself “are you serious?” but I don't accost them with it - it's just something in life you have to endure. Like the French and people who chomp on chewing gum.

I did get my own back though because I went to the toilet and took a huge number two leaving the toilet smelling of last night’s triple egg cheese and onion omelette. The stench was astonishing and as I got out of there who should be waiting to enter the chamber of death .......yep.........my fellow passenger............there is a God!

And so here I am on the way to the hotel in a taxi whose air conditioning is as strong as asthmatic hamster breathing through a straw. There is no point in me moaning about the hour I spent sitting in the sin bin at US Immigration as me and my fellow crew members were treated with all the kindness of the Spanish Inquisition by people who have the tact of a turd in a swimming pool.........just a simple “please” would have made so much difference

I am excited to be back and can't wait to hold a microphone again and I will write a full blog on Sunday.

Oh, just one more thing. You know that bit in yesterday’s blog where I said I wouldn't mention again that I missed Heidi and Kye...........I lied...........I miss them terribly

Goodnight
Your friend
John

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