A Day at Sea…And With Water in the Pool

June 30, 2009 -

John Heald

So I had to see what all the fuss was about. Unless you have spent the last two years on Uranus or have been held captive in a cellar by terrorists waiting for Jack Bauer to rescue you will all have heard of High School Musical? And as it was one of our new Seaside Theatre movies and was playing last night ………….I went to have my first look.

Every child between the ages of 4 and 14 loves High School Musical, adults tend to hate it with a passion. It is Disney at its most calculating and saccharine, they say. It’s a musical where a demographically representative bunch of kids learn to love and respect each other, through a series of up-tempo song-and-dance routines. In other words, another bloodless, assembled-by-committee piece of Disney marketeering. It’s like a full-length Benetton ad.

It’s another bloodless, car chaseless , rumpy pumpyless load of bollocks which is so sweet that if you were to watch all three High School Musical movies back to back you would get Diabetes.

There were at least half of the near 1,000 kids we have on board watching it. The kids covered the ages of 4 and 14 and while each and every one of them seemed to love High School Musical I could tell the parents watching it with them hated it with a passion. And I can see why.

Bloody hell Disney…………Your 21st-century musicals make The Sound of Music look like Debbie Does Dallas! At least Rodgers and Hammerstein had horny nuns, Liesl in her wet chiffon dress and the bastard Nazis! By contrast, High School Musical’s edgiest moment is when one of the basketball team admits that he really wants to learn how to cook crème brûlée.

But there is no doubt it was the right movie to play at this time of year and while the comedy show was well attended there was no doubt that the Lido Deck was the place to be. And I guess that Kye will grow up in a High School Musical world which is just another part of good parenting I guess ………..and having your kids watch these movies is like putting them in a pair of sensible school shoes, or giving them Campbell’s soup on a cold winter’s day.

Oh…….Jaime told me there is some guy in the movie called Zac Efron who apparently is a pin up and shockingly wears a tight pair of shorts in the film………I saw the scene she was talking about………….and Zac………..as they say at Disney………..It’s A Small World !

Time for today’s questions……………..here we go.

Mike Richardson Asked:
You asked me to send you the cabin numbers of our family reunion cruise on the August 8th Fantasy Cruise so you would arrange the 10 of us to be at the same table for dinner. However, as of now, I don’t have the cabin numbers, so I’m hoping the booking numbers will work.
Thank you so much for your help in this matter.
Mike and Michelle Richardson

John Says:
Hello Mike
Thanks for sending these and I will ask a colleague to contact you. Also, please remind me a week or so before you sail. Have a wonderful reunion and I remain at your service.
Best wishes

Marc G Asked:
Hi John Please Reply,
I guess now that MJ is gone; you can no longer make fun of his nose, or lack of one. I think it’s time we put him in the Carnival Legends show, and I think it will add another level. You of course would have them do Thriller and the dancers doing the Thriller dance would be very cool.
On another note, any news on who will be the on board entertainment for the Liberty July 4th cruises? You told me to remind you closer to the end of the month.

John Says:
Hello Marc
Since he passed away I have heard people talk a lot about Michael and the conversations were a mixed bag of grief, humor, sentimentality, cynicism and every emotion in between……but whatever you feel about him he was a legend and I therefore he deserves to be in our Carnival Legends show. Actually he has more right to be there than some of the current pop icons we have such as Britney Spears and Garth Brooks. However, if we were to include him in the show would any guest be able to perform one of his songs? Could a guest perform a moon walking, crutch grabbing MJ number without it coming across as anything but comical and dare I say insulting to his memory. I don’t know the answer to that by the way ……….what do you all think?
Anyway, I do think our Legends show needs revamping and maybe there should be a place in the new show were we to do one for the King of Pop.
Right…………..as for your July 4th cruise here is Butch the CD to tell you.

John/ Marc

I do not have the July Schedule yet, but Carl Rimi told me he will be our Welcome aboard comedian and we have the Village Idiots (hilarious jugglers and variety act) every cruise…..just don’t know who will close the week. Production shows will be: Wonderful World, Just Rock, and Singing with the Big Band starring Christopher Alan Graves.

All the best

So there you go mate – have a wonderful time and give my best to Butchy
Best wishes

Melissa Jurgensen Asked:
John please reply.
I am so curious. With all the talk about the officers and other staff members that have been chosen to be on the Carnival Dream, who will the staff captain be?
I certainly cannot wait to return to Europe with Carnival on sailing #2 of this gorgeous ship!!
My best to you and your beautiful ladies…

John Says:
Hello Melissa
As always it’s great to hear from you. The staff captain for your Carnival Dream will be a great friend of mine Luigi DiAngelis who is already in the ship yard. He and I delivered the Carnival Freedom together along with his beautiful wife and Guest Relations Manager Margarita. I will be interviewing him in the days ahead.
I wish I was joining you in Europe and I know you will be flabbergasted when you see this stunning vessel

Greg Law Asked:
John (please reply), Anita and I are looking forward to our cruise on the Freedom July 26. I have been on the Mardi Gras, Carnival and Anita and I met for the first time on the Festivale in 1990. I know everyone is excited about the Dream, but I can only imagine what the difference is going to be like from the Festivale to the Freedom! We are in 1107 on the Spa deck. Keep up the great daily blogs, I’m addicted to them!

John Says:
Hello Greg
It will be an honor to welcome you on board the Carnival Freedom in a few weeks time. Please leave me a little not at the Guest Services Desk when you arrive.

There is no doubt we have come a long way since the days of the Mardi Gras, Carnivale and Festivale but the principles that Ted Arison founded and placed on these ships remain today. I am so glad you are addicted to the blogs……..I will keep your addiction fed for as long as I can
Best wishes to you and the family and se you soon

Alan Asked:
Hello John,
Please reply,
First let me join the hundreds and thousands in congratulating you and Heidi on the birth of Kye. She is absolutely gorgeous and so must get her looks from her mother (sorry about that).
Now for my question…we have just booked the Dream out of N.Y. for the week of Thanksgiving. The thing is my wife is nervous about booking on a ship that is soooo new. She is afraid that the crew and ship will still be “shaking things out”. How can I convince her that everything will be fine and we will enjoy this cruise as much (or more) than our other wonderful Carnival cruises?
Thanks for answering,

John Says:
Hello Alan
Thanks so very much for the kind words and yes ……..Kye is very lucky not to look like me.
I can understand why your wife is nervous but she really has no reason to be. First of all the entire crew from the captain on down have been handpicked because they are considered to be the best at what they do. Also the ship will have already been on 3 twelve-day European cruises and a 16 day trans-Atlantic voyage so any kinks will have been ironed out by then. However, I doubt that there will be too many as we also have a three day cruise from the ship yard in Monfalcone to Civitavecchia with no guests on board. During these three days the crew takes on the role of the guests and we open all the guest facilities including dining options and entertainment areas to see what we may need to change so by her inaugural voyage your Carnival Dream will be ready to take on her role as the Carnival Cruise Lines flagship.
You will have a brilliant time ……..I promise
Best wishes

Slickabrina Asked:
Please reply…..
Greetings John ~
Kye grows more adorable by the day! I’m hoping you might be able to answer a question for me. This may have been answered previously and apologize in advance if this is a repeat.
As a West Coast cruiser, is there a particular reason why Elation’s current schedule is only through April of next year? I did see Paradise has dates through 2011 but Ensenada and Catalina don’t hold any appeal for me as a short getaway.
Thank you and can’t wait to see you on Legend!

John Says:

Perfect timing as our SVP of marketing planning has answered your questions below.



Tim Asked:
Hi John, please reply.
My wife and I are very much looking forward to our upcoming cruise on the Carnival Freedom. January 2nd is still a long way off, but reading your blog helps us get our ‘cruise fix’. We also used the link you provided to make our supper club reservations – we didn’t know we could do that in advance. Thanks for the tip!
I do have one question regarding the current room service menu. Has Carnival given any consideration to adding a few hot food items to the menu? Sandwiches and bagels are great, but sometimes you just want something a bit more substantial. We’ve taken numerous cruises with a variety of lines and we especially miss the ability to have a hot breakfast (eggs, bacon, sausage, etc) out on the balcony each morning. There simply isn’t better way to start the day than by sitting in your house robe out on the balcony while watching the waves roll by! We always miss these breakfasts terribly when sailing with Carnival and do hope that some hot items make their way onto the room service menu soon.
Also, I wanted to applaud Carnival on introducing open seating options on all ships. Hopefully the fleet wide transition goes smoothly for the staff. Perhaps with a bit of luck it’ll be added as an option for our upcoming Freedom cruise.
Thanks and hope you had a great weekend!

John Says:
Hello Tim
I am glad you are getting your “cruise fix” through my blog thingy and January will soon be here. I am also happy to hear that you found our supper club reservation page and it is proving very popular. I am currently working on a suggestion by another blogger to have pre-paid vouchers available on our Bon Voyage page for those who want to treat family and friends.
You ask a good question and I am not sure if the reason we do not offer hot options like Princess etc is an operational one or there are other factors involved. I will however ask on your behalf as you paint a wonderful picture of sitting on your balcony eating eggs and bacon…….sounds wonderful.
So, I will forward your comment to our Vice President of Food and Beverage and see what he has to say and report back to you. Our anytime dining is proving most popular and should be a fleet wide option by the end of this year. I have yet to see it in operation myself although I will on the Carnival Legend in October
Thanks for the input Tim and as I have said many times, some very important people read this blog and that is why your opinions and comments are so vital.
Best wishes

The Woodbutcher Asked:
John – please reply if you like.
I just had occasion to use the round bar soap that I confiscated from our Valor cruise at the end of April and noticed something truly astonishing embedded in the soap “Bienvenue Paris”!!
Is this why the French reek, they export all their soap??
Ike – The Woodbutcher

John Says:
Hello Ike The Woodbutcher
Oh that’s funny. Does the soap smell like a baboons bottom after it has eaten 12 ripe bananas? If it does……it’s French. Oh by the way………a man called Vinny will be knocking on your door later tonight to take the soap and anything else you stole from the Carnival Valor….towels, toilet paper, cabin stewards etc.
Thanks for the laugh mate

Kimberly Asked:
Hello John,
I know you have probably answered this question many times and I have just missed it. Will you be on the Freedom for the September 12, 2009 sailing? Your daughter is so cute!! Thanks!

John Says:

Hello Kimberly
Unfortunately I won’t be with you in September Kimberly. I will be home for a few days before heading to the handover ceremony of your Carnival Dream. Your cruise director will be the amazing and reasonably ugly Wee Jimmy who will give you a brilliantly fun time.
Thanks for the kind words for Kye………I miss her
Best wishes

Tucson Larry Asked:
Reply if you wish
Hello John,
Susan and I are excited. I made reservations for the Dec 3rd Bloggers Cruise on the Dream yesterday. We are in cabin # “cove cabin”. I am contemplating bringing along our fishing rods. How could we be so close to the water and not drop in a hook? I think that it would be great to catch our own fish and have the kitchen prepare it for our 50th anniversary celebration dinner. (ya think?) Just think fishing on your private balcony sipping a well chilled adult beverage, watching the sun set while lying at anchor in a beautiful Caribbean port.
The ship looks terrific especially the walk around deck. I remember the Statendam having a deck like that. It reminds me of the traditional ships of the past. Will the deck have deck chairs (traditional wooden ones would be nice)? We used to spend hours watching the water go by and reading a good book (well sometimes a not so good book) The new innovative lounges and clubs look very inviting, and the anytime dinning is very appealing.
We look forward to spending time with you and some of the crazy gang that where on Bloggers Cruise #2. We finally decided to take this cruise and not some of the other trips we have been discussing. Susan and I came to the conclusion the even though we have been cruising for about 100 days, we had the best time ever on that to short trip 5 day with you on the Fantasy. If 5 days was good 9 days will be great.
Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I do not know if you remember my telling you about our problems getting pregnant and the birth of our 1st daughter. That child is what every person dreams of when having a child. She is now 42 years old with her own family and we remain as close as we were when she was young. She is truly the best gift we ever received. Most men want to have a boy (we have 2) but I am here to tell you girls are better, girls stay close while boys have to go off and prove themselves (at least in the U.S.)
We look forward to seeing you, and Ken, and the rest of your fun crew. The anticipation is all part of the enjoyment and allows us to relive old cruises with you (2 med cruises 06, 07) thus making a 9 day vacation a 6 month event.

John Says:
Hello Larry
I must admit the first time I saw one of your Carnival Dream cove balconies I thought that this would be a fisherman’s paradise. ………you really do feel that close to the water. You mentioned the Lanai and this will no doubt be a huge hit and it gives our guests wonderful opportunities to sit and read that book you mentioned.
I am so very honored that you have booked to sail with me. I know that you and others have so many vacation choices and so the fact that you have chosen to sail on the Bloggers Cruise is ……….well……….humbling to say the least.
I remember our conversation well and I look forward to sharing more parental talk with you in December. I am still hoping that Heidi and Kye maybe joining us but we will have to see. Once again thank you for the great posting and I am so looking forward on that first day of the Bloggers cruise to give you all your Carnival Dream grand tour
Best wishes to you both

Kenny Randolph Asked:

John, (please reply)
Those were wonderful words regarding Michael Jackson. No matter what we think of his personal life he was a great entertainer and I prefer to remember his talent.
Your words got me to thinking, have you ever had any of your talented entertainers go on from Carnival and become famous in their field? Everyone starts somewhere and I was just curious.

John Says:
Hello Kenny
Thanks for mentioning the little piece I wrote about Michael Jackson. I actually found them quite hard to write and changed the wording many times before I was happy.
Well, yes, some cruise ship entertainers have gone on to become famous. They include:

Siegfried and Roy Asked:
Silvio Bellasconi (yep, he was a cruise ship singer)
Jennifer Hudson

There are probably a few more but Carnival’s most famous past employee is of course Darlene Love who starred in Hairspray on Broadway and featured in the Lethal Weapon Movies and who has a spectacular voice.

Have I missed any? Bloggers let me know if I have

Thanks for the question mate and the kind words
Best wishes

Annette Kamps Asked:
Hi John (reply would be appreciated) – glad to hear that all is well on the Freedom and with Heidi and Kye on the home front. What a great picture of Kye – she is beautiful!
In your responses today you mentioned to someone that she should book certificates on her upcoming Conquest cruise to use on the Dream cruise she is booking. I am very confused about these certificates?? A lot of people I know have bought them and are not happy at all because there are all kinds of instances in which they cannot be used.
I am booked to cruise the Carnival Dream on a B2B leaving April 17, 2010. I booked it about a month before I was cruising on the Carnival Liberty. I told my PVP that I didn’t want to book it yet because I wanted to buy a certificate while on the Liberty and apply it to the Dream cruise. She assured me that I could still apply the Certificate even though I had already booked my cruise, so book it I did. Well, when I was on the Liberty and went to purchase the Certificate I was told emphatically that it could NOT be used on cruises already booked. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper and was very disappointed and did not end up purchasing a certificate. It sounded like you were telling Bobbi and James that they could use the Certificate on their Dream cruise even though it would be booked already. Would you be able to explain to me exactly how these Certificates work?
I hope you don’t mind if I bother you with another question. This is in regard to group cruises and Early Saver fares. When I booked my B2B on the Carnival Dream I booked the first week with the Early Saver fare but the 2nd week under the regular fare as I wasn’t sure if that week would actually work for me and I wanted the option to cancel. While meeting up with people from the Cruise Critic website on my Carnival Liberty cruise, a number of them decided to join me on the Carnival Dream cruise – some of them also doing a B2B. One of the ladies on the cruise is a cruise travel agent and we decided to book through her as a group cruise. It is just a small group, I think we have 5 or 6 cabins booked for each sailing but that gives each cabin a $100 OBC – which is great. Because my first week was booked using Early Saver I was unable to switch that week to that TA and the group but I was able to switch my 2nd week. My PVP was very helpful in switching that.
Once I was switched, I asked my new TA if I could change it to the Early Saver rate as I was now sure I could cruise on that date. She looked into and switched me over but when she sent me the paperwork, the Early Saver rate I was given was only $30 lower than the regular rate whereas the advertised Early Saver rate was over $100 lower. She looked into it and was told that because it was a “group cruise” that was the rate they were offering. I don’t think that is fair. They should then say that Early Saver is not available for group cruises. I switched it thinking that I would save +$100 and that was worth the Early Saver risks to me. At a savings of $30, it is not worth the risk but now I am considered Early Saver (even though I didn’t get the advertised Early Saver rate) and I am unable to switch it unless I am willing to lose my deposit.
This just doesn’t sit well with me, what do you think?
Sorry this is so long and thank you very much for you help.

John Says:
Hello Annette
I appreciate the time it took for you to post this comment and I can see that you are a little concerned. I want to make sure that you get the best help and that the correct and current information. Unfortunately I am not up to speed with what the restrictions are with these certificates and so I would kindly ask that you give me a few days to investigate this for you. I will forward this to someone at Vice President Level who will instruct a Carnival shore side team member to call you. I would also ask that if you have not heard anything within seven working days or you have a follow up question to please let me know here on the blog.
Please forgive me for being qualified to give you a direct answer but someone who can will be in touch very soon
Best wishes

Ben Asked:
Hello, I am going on the Carnival Dream on October 15. Very excited!
Can you tell me where exactly the Dream will be docked in Venice, and where the shuttles from the ship will drop us off? That would greatly help me in planning my itinerary.
Glad to hear there is no curfew at night. Wonderful news!

John Says:
Hello Ben
I think it is safe to say that there has not been as much excitement on this blog that there is about your Carnival Dream since I promised to post a photo of me naked with a rose between my teeth.
The ship will be docked in a place called Maritima which is about a 35 minute vaparetto ride from St. Marks square. The Vaparetto’s run to and from Maritima itself infrequently and stop at midnight and the Vaparetto station is right by the bow of the ship. The most popular way though to get to St. Marks is to take the Shuttle bus from the pier. It’s about a 5 minute ride to the central Vaparetto station at Piazza De Roma and from there the Vaparettos run virtually nonstop into Venice itself.
You will need Euros to buy a ticket and it will cost 12 Euros from a round trip to Piazza St. Marco ………St. Marks Square.

I hope this helps and if you need any further information please let me know
Best wishes

Mary Asked:
Please Reply
Dear John,
The only reason I am asking for a reply is to ensure you read this as I know how busy you are and possibly cannot read all the comments.
I want to bring your attention to 3 amazing young ladies who have posted reviews of the Carnival Miracle and the Carnival Liberty on Cruise Critic. They are Nicole721, Hollybelle and LivingToTravel. Their reviews are like travelogues with pictures (one even has all the capers posted). They have all put so much time and efforts into their reviews that I thought you and others at Carnival should be aware of the great PR they are providing Carnival with their hard work and selfless dedication to share their experiences with others. I do not know these young ladies personally but along with many others on the Carnival board have enjoyed their amazing reviews.

John Says:
Hello Mary
Thanks for taking the time to write and as busy as I am I do actually read every comment as they are so very important to me and the company.

I am so grateful to you for taking the time to write this posting and as time does not allow me to surf through Cruise Critic I wonder if I could ask you to post a link to these wonderful reviews so I may read them and thank the ladies in question.

Thanks you in advance and best wishes to you and the family

Michelle Harmon Asked:
Hi John,
Please respond,
Our family is having a cocktail party and I would love to be instrumental in bringing you and any other staff to join in on us. I’d love to see our family energized by such a positive spirit and bring a glow to the room. Date: Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Time: 4:45 p.m. to 5:45 p.m.
Locale: 70’s Disco on Deck 5 – Promenade Deck.
I hope you can come as we sail on the first day of my 4th decade and I need all the smiles I can get

John Says:
It would be an honor to stop by and meet you and the family and join in your celebrations. Please can you remind me once onboard by dropping a little not off at the Guest Services Desk.
See you soon
Best Wishes

That’s all for today and please keep the comments and reviews coming.
Just a quick follow up that as requested we now have sugar free products available on our Bon Voyage web page………….now if I can just get the pins back.

I also had a question about the Carnival Elation yesterday and the fact that the cruises past April 2010 were not available yet. Here is what our Senior Vice President of Marketing Planning Terry Thornton had to say:


Hope you are doing well. We will be opening the remaining cruises for 2010 on the Elation within the next two weeks. We will feature 3 day, 4 day midweek, 4 day weekend and 5 day cruises. The 4 day weekend and 5 day cruises will include visits to popular Cabo San Lucas.

Thanks, Terry

So, that’s great news and for those people who wanted to visit Cabo St Lucas on a shorter cruise …………..well now you can.

I would like to introduce a friend of mine and fellow blogger. His name is Alistair Greener and he is of course an Entertainment Director for Cunard. He has been writing a brilliant blog for some months now and I wanted him to introduce a special video to you all……..one that music lovers will not want to miss. So Alistair…………over to you.

Hello to everyone on John’s Blog.

Cunard was proud to host James Taylor on the transatlantic Crossing from New York arriving in Southampton last Thursday. Thanks to Brian O’Connor and Eric Allen, a two-part exclusive James Taylor video diary was recorded starting with embarkation in New York on 19 June that captures interviews with James and his family and the afternoon sail away.

To view part one of this superb video please come on over to my blog at http://wearecunard.com/
I hope you enjoy it

Thank you mate and I just finished watching the video and can’t wait for part 2. I will ask Alistair to let us know as and when it is posted.

And now with a huge thank you to Captain Carlo Queirolo and President Boris Ruskovsky here are some amazing photos taken today of your Carnival Dream.







The ship will return to sea trials tomorrow and we will have first-hand reports from the captain when they return.

Well so far so good. The cruise is going well, the weather has been full of sunshine and the seas have been calmer than a tortoise smoking a joint. I love days like today when the sea has a mirror like effect …….brilliant.

There is no doubt that when you have 3,600 guests on board that there are areas of the ship that get busy especially at lunch time when everyone seems to get hungry between 12 and 1 pm. Although we do offer a terrific range of food on our Lido deck…….and Oasis people………. take note…….it’s free and unlike your ship that has more hidden charges than a shoe bomber …. guests do sometimes forget that our dining room is open for lunch. I happened to pass by there at 1 pm today and while there were some lines on Lido there were less than 100 people in the dining room. I need to do a better job of reminding people that there is another choice at lunch time.

The shows have been well attended and last night comedian Alan Ball and big band singer Jamie Frasier both received huge standing ovations. I always try and remind the audience on the first night that unlike TV, live shows need to be rewarded and that if they enjoy a show……..and only if they do………..to be the first to stand up and show their appreciation. It seems to work.

So I called the guests who had been stunned that someone would be wearing a Burka onboard and I think I managed to calm them down and assured them that they had nothing to fear. I have to be honest though and say that they are not the only ones. This morning I went to Lido Deck for breakfast with bloggers Cheryl and Alex and we watched the surprise on many people’s faces as the lady walked down the breakfast line. I wonder just how much fun this lady is allowed to have on the Fun Ships.

This afternoon I will be hosting my Marriage Show and straight after that and before the elegant night starts I will be attending a wedding. I was invited to attend the ceremony of Dennis and Margret Evans who after living together for 24 years as partners will today make it official. They have brought a minister with them and 20-plus family members. How wonderful to be able to get married on a cruise ship. However, this comes as news arrived on the BBC website that couples will now be able to get married at 30,000 feet. Yep, Easy jet and their North American partners Southwest Airlines will soon be offering couples the chance to get married in flight. I know — heavenly, isn’t it? Just when you thought that budget air travel couldn’t get any more pleasurable, they go and do this.

So now, when you’re on board your delayed flight, you’ve finally managed to squeeze past the smelly chap in the seat next to you and you’re queuing for the Hades toilets, you’ll be asked to sit down again and stop blocking the aisle because Tracy and Ed are trying to get married over here, actually, if you don’t mind.

Then you will see to your horror that the captain………yes, the one who flies the aircraft ….is officiating at the wedding and you’ll think “actually I kind of like my airline pilots to be in the cockpit area, you know, holding the knobs and being in charge of the aircraft, not pronouncing two strangers man and wife and posing for photos near the kitcheny bit where they make the foul sandwiches.”

At this point you’ll have a panic attack but no one will notice because they’ll all be “putting their hands together” for Tracy and Ed, who are French kissing as Wind Beneath My Wings pipes through the PA system. Still, on the plus side, everyone’s provided with a vomit bag.

But will there be many takers to get married at 30,000 feet? I ’m happy to say that I doubt it — and not just because the bride can’t be walked down the aisle because it’s only wide enough for one trolley or one overweight flight attendant. Because now that people are “getting hitched” while falling through the sky in a three-way sky-diving drop, with their priest reading vows through a headset, an aircraft wedding seems a bit tame, a bit “so what?”

If the airlines hope to make a killing on this idea they may be disappointed because the bar on “wacky” weddings has been raised. Witness the couple who got married in a New York public toilet with the bride wearing a gown made entirely of toilet roll. Let’s be honest — weddings can be a bit of an endurance at the best of times. So can flying. Put weddings and flying together then and you have the perfect description of hell.

I will let you know how the wedding goes tomorrow but I know it will be a very special day for this couple and they won’t have to make sure their tray table is up once the ceremony is over.

It’s time for the first of our In Their Own Words section for a while. For those who are new to this it involves me simply posting copies of some of the many letters I receive each week for my morning shows. Here are just a few from today.







OK………………here it is then. Three days into the cruise it has finally arrived.

Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 12:15 PM
Subject: Cabin _________ Guest would like you to contact them

Good Afternoon John,
Please be advised that the guest cabin _____ called and left the message for you to kindly contact them. They are unhappy about the pool being closed yesterday and are very insistent on speaking to you.
Thank you and regards,
Pattarakarn |Guest Services Associate

As I mentioned yesterday a junior cruiser had an accident in the main pool. I mean, this wasn’t a small cute little turd but a trail…….a long trail of runny stuff that floated on the surface …………… thus we closed the pool.

The ship was alongside and therefore we could not empty or refill the pool so we cleaned up the trail……………and as per public health regulations we put a net over the water and closed it.

This is what the guests had to say

Guest: Mrs _________ Ref: 840006323A
Cabin: __________ Booking#: __________ Added-Changed: 06/29/09 – 06/29/09


And so I spoke to the guest and again apologized explaining the situation and why we could not empty the pool……I was going to use the word dump instead of empty but as she was already hopping mad and foaming at the mouth with anger I thought it best not to. She could not understand why we closed the pool and said that we should have “cleaned the mess up ” and re opened it……………I was going to say that this was a cruise ship………..not a river in Paris ……….but again I left it alone.

The bottom…….excuse the pun……….line is that the guest wants money back because the pool was closed and of course we can’t give her any. I apologized once again and will send her a bottle of something of wine at dinner……..with a note asking her to hang on to the cork so I can give it to the little boy who caused the poo problem in the first place………just in case he goes swimming again.

Your Friend

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.