Fat Friday

July 31, 2009 -

John Heald

I made it to Friday……..I had one day to go and it would have been an entire cruise without me posting a single guest complaint or negative comment. I had decided to not to do so just because I felt like I was concentrating on the one or two negative comments and therefore I had promised myself that this week there would be none. And it hasn’t been too much of a struggle. There have been no outrageous claims or demands and so far…….nobody has taken a crap in the swimming pool. So…….all was going well until yesterday evening when the Guest Services Desk sent me this charming e mail.
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Mary Had A Little Lamb…My Arse

July 30, 2009 -

John Heald

So, there I was yesterday hosting the Afternoon Show. I always start by taking one call from a cabin and we usually chat……or play a game. Well yesterday the first person to call in was a 12-year-old lad. We will call him Travis……because that’s his name. So after the introductions I asked him if he wanted to play a game. He told me he would and I said I was going to ask him a question and every time he got one right he would win a prize ……………..here is how it went. (more…)

ManBlog

July 29, 2009 -

John Heald

There is no doubt that our Carnival Spas are for many one of the highlight’s of their cruise and compared to the old days when your choice was a haircut or a massage ………..the menu from which you can choose is astonishing. Here on the Carnival Freedom there are 7 types of massages, including hot stones and deep thingy ones. You can have a facial or an ionathermie which uses galvanic and feradic current to get rid of the cellulite……..and it works.
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Living in the Real World

July 28, 2009 -

John Heald

One of the things I get asked a lot both here on the ships and via the blog is to arrange public on stage wedding proposals. While I am always happy to do this I have never quite understood why some men feel the need to do this in public. I have proposed three times to women in my life. The first time was via the mail when I wrote to Brooke Shields fan club address proclaiming my total love for her and asked her to marry me and that after the ceremony we move to our own Blue Lagoon. She never replied……..looking back though her non reply may have had something to do with the fact that the letter was written on a pair of my underwear.
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Monday Morning Blues

July 27, 2009 -

John Heald

Well, that’s another cruise over and I have to say although the guests all had a brilliant time I am sure many of them left with a feeling that the weather cheated them out of a total Caribbean experience. It rained in San Juan, it rained in Antigua and in St Thomas. It rained on the sea day before Nassau but in Nassau itself it didn’t rain……oh no ………… it pissed down bucketfuls of angry driving rain and the rain was joined by thunder and angry flashes of lightning…….from the moment we arrived……..to the moment we left……..bugger, bugger, bugger.
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TGIF

July 24, 2009 -

John Heald

Guest: Mrs. ________ Ref: 840098948A
Cabin: ——- Booking#: _______ Added-Changed: 07/22/09 – 07/22/09

SHOW TOO LOUD
Mrs.______ came to the GSD to say that she and her husband had left the show tonight because the volume was too loud. Guest was very upset and said that she should be compensated for missing the show. GSA said that she would pass the information to the cruise director and hotel director. Tasked to cruise director.

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Salt And Pepper

July 23, 2009 -

John Heald

Last night we had the Fun Hop. This is an activity originated by Carnival’s top CD Todd Wittmer. This is where we break the ship up into three teams based on the Carnival colours (spelt correctly) of Red, White and Blue. Now, Todd is a great singer …….. OK ………..Todd is a singer……….but I am not and so while the entertainment staff “rocked the house” as they say in street talk thingy, I stood back and watched from a safe distance.
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A Religious Blog

July 22, 2009 -

John Heald

I once said that my perfect description of mixed emotion was watching your mother-in- law drive off a cliff ……..in your brand new Aston Martin………..that’s mixed emotion.

You will also find mixed emotion within the world of entertainment which means you will find mixed emotion right here on the Carnival Freedom………as you are about to read with these three comments about the Big Easy show.
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A Long Meeting…And A Short One

July 21, 2009 -

John Heald

I have a runny nose, a sore throat, and a head that feels like Amy Winehouse, Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton are having one hell of a party in there. I have then all the ingredients you need to make a convincing claim that a pig has sneezed over me and I have HN1PIG flu. But I don’t………according to the ship’s doctor…… I have a cold. This means the American Navy will not come to the ship, board the vessel and take samples of my snot and bits from my scrotum to their biochemical warfare centre in Atlanta.
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The Blog That Came In from The Cold

July 20, 2009 -

John Heald

Good morning and my apologies for not posting a blog over the weekend. I had full intentions to do so on Sunday but I have had a dreadful cold. Yes……..I am a man and therefore I am a baby but I really didn’t feel well and although somehow I got through the shows as soon as they were over I took my snotty nose and my thumping head to bed……….anyway………here I am now ………my headache has dulled and my boogers have dried up and here I sit this Monday morning ……….in my underpants ……………. so let’s get going.
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Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.