This Blonde Walks Onto a Stage

July 6, 2009 -

John Heald

I met a guest called Barbara Manners last cruise and she has an addiction. We chatted about it………in confidence……..and even though she would not reveal how much she has spent on this thing that has taken over her life since her first foray three years ago, in case her husband reads this blog thingy. Though, with a bit of pushing, she does admit to having blown around $600 on it during a recent Holland America 14 day cruise. “During the first year I got into it, I spent more than $2,000 buying stash.”
I wanted to help her but it seemed her addiction had taken over her life……………….it was too late……………..and I felt as helpless as a deodorant salesman in Paris.

But don’t worry because the “stash” in question is not drugs, it’s what Barbara and many others like her call the paraphernalia they each collect for making scrapbooks ……………. yep………………………..scrapbooks.

I remember one of the first blogs I wrote back in 2007 mentioned that I was so surprised how popular this had become and now it seems to have risen to a whole new level. And if you’re wondering how a bit of flour and water and some pictures torn out of magazines could possibly clock up a $2,000 price tag, you are out of touch……….as was I. scrapbooking or “scrapping” as I have decided to call it has come a long way from being the pastime of teenage boys wanting to stick photos of Pamela Andersen’s breasts on the front of their school books. I had a look at Mr. Google and he told me that consumers around the world spent around $3 billion in 2007………………….three …………$3 billion on scrapping………………..bugger me.

There are countless clubs, magazines and websites devoted to it. Type “Scrapbooking” into Google and you get 5,410,000 search results……..type John Heald and Mr. Google only gives you 744,000……………..and type in hemorrhoids and unbelievably you only get 31,700 hits……………that means that I am more popular than piles but not as popular as scrapbooking.

As you know we have started scrapping classes on the ships and I admit that I have never been to one until last week. However, as one of the attendees was a blogger I had promised to go …………so I did. My first surprise is that it’s not quite the pensioners’ and housewives’ Tupperware type of morning I might have imagined. The majority of women gathered in the library were juggling families and a career. Barbara is an ER nurse; there was a health club manager, a shop owner, a resources manager and a researcher for ABC TV………….. But no men? ………..I wonder why?

Most of the 20 plus guests enjoyed the class however it seems that we need more supplies and variety of scrapping stash and so I will work on that for the fleet. However ………… there is one main reason that I have started today’s blog with this subject. One of the ladies I met was sticking photos of herself in her brilliantly arranged scrap book thingy.

She saw me looking and told me that she was doing this for her children…………she has a boy aged 7 and a girl of 11………………and I suddenly understood why. When you hear about all those children losing their parents so suddenly it really makes you think. They are left with nothing apart from memories, and that’s if they’re old enough. But this lady’s kids will always have more………”They’ll know how much I love them she told me, and how I remember their childhoods because they’ll have my scrapbooks.”

And that’s why I am going to start one for Kye.

Here are today’s questions……………..away we go.

retirementman Asked:
PLEASE REPLY JOHN
Good evening John. I still can’t understand how people react to such a small problem such as the pool being closed. How silly people react and expect compensation for nothing.
The question I want answered is in the photos of the Carnival Dream in dry-dock what the heck is the reason for that long front of the ship. I see many ships have that and I could never understood why. Also I would like to see a video how a ship is put into dry-dock and after when they put the ship back into water. It amazes me how they do it. You might think I’m kind of silly looking at this but I often wondered what it would look like.
How about a video of Kye and Heidi. She’s such a cute little child and that smile that you showed recently in a photo was amazing. You must be a very proud daddy. One last question, is the Ile Roatan available as a port? If not what will the change be ? That island is one of the ports on the itinerary in my January cruise. Continued success and enjoyment with your Cruise Directoring. See you soon.
Paul F. Pietrangelo

John Says:
Hello Paul
A belated Happy Canada Day to you. It is amazing isn’t it that 3,024 people except that there is little we can do when a kid poops in the pool but one guest finds it to be the end of the world. Anyway, regarding the bubble bow you referred to in your posting let me see if I can help. It is a common design on ships these days and not just cruise ships because it adds buoyancy to the bow, reducing drag for better handling at sea. Here is the official line “The purpose of bulbous bow is to change the nature of the bow wave to reduce the drag it induces on the hull The bulbous bow creates it’s own wave that is farther forward and “out of phase” with the natural bow wave created by the hull, effectively subtracting from the normal bow wave and reducing it’s drag-inducing effect.”
There you go Paul…………I hope that helps and if you have a follow up I can always ask the captain for some technical help. Putting a ship like this into dry dock is something everyone should see and I am a bit disappointed that we didn’t film this being done to your Carnival Dream………….and that’s my fault for not thinking of that beforehand. Its something we must do for the Carnival Magic.
You mentioned Isla Roatan which so far has not been affected by the political situation in Honduras and let’s hope that remains so. We continue to monitor that situation but so far so good.
I will indeed post a video of Kye soon and you are so right………….I am a very proud Daddy.
Best wishes to you and the family
John

cruisingeagle Asked:
Please reply
Hi John,
Thanks for posting the letter from Adam and Amy. Sounds like everyone is having a wonderful time. I knew they would. Yes, I am a little jealous yet glad also that they have you as their CD. Adam did tell me you are the best CD he has ever had. Your blogs do provide me with my cruise fix between cruises. Only 3 more days now until Chuck and I cruise on the Holiday (July 4 sailing). We are looking forward to the cruise. Continue to enjoy this cruise and being on stage. Maybe one day we will get to sail with you.
Cindy

John Says:
Hello Cindy
I hope Adam and Amy have had a lot of fun and by the time you read this you will be on the Holiday enjoy another fun ship cruise. I hope you will send us a review of your time on board and when you get home the blogs will be here ready and waiting for you. Have fun and best wishes to you and all the family
John

Adam W Asked:
Dear John,
Please Reply,
As I said in an earlier comment (I forgot to mark it ‘please reply’) our cruise was FANTASTIC on the Glory. I see why she proudly displays the Crystal Eagle in the Lobby.
With information being proprietary with certain things I don’t know if this is possible or not but I have a request. I have always been a geek and love technology (I am in IT by profession). Would it be possible for Captain Carlo Queirolo to get a shot of him on the bridge docking with the awesome new plasma screens? I think it would be fascinating!
Warmest Wishes,
Adam
P.S. As always GO HORNETS – BOO HEAT! And thanks for not sending Heat decorations to my stateroom! HA HA!

John Says:
Hello Adam
I shall ignore you questionable taste in basketball teams and move on to your question. I will be glad to do as you requested and I will take that photo myself when I arrive in Italy in September. I will also be posting more interviews with the Captain before then. I am so glad you had a great time on the Carnival Glory and she is a ship that deserves that Crystal Eagle.
Best wishes
John

Bob and Lynda Asked:
Dear John(please reply)
Kye is just beautiful and Heidi is glowing as I’m sure you are. Can’t wait to give you something for Kye on the last Holiday cruise. It will be a little larger because I’m sure you have lots of things for her now. Now my comment. More people would have lunch in the dinning room if you had more tables for two. I, for one, do not want to make conversation with other people at my table for one hour, who I will never see again. I have not yet been able to use any time dinning on your ships, but have on RCCL. They have lots of tables for two. If you have lunch in your any time dinning room and have a number of tables for two I would go there a number of times during my cruise. I have cruised 15 times on Carnival since 05 and 14 times on RCCL. I love both lines and will continue to cruise 7-9 times a year. I hate people who slam either line. It’s just not good for anyone. I once walked out of a show where the comic was slamming Carnival. We have two more Carnival and two more RCCL booked for this year. Can’t wait to see you in Nov.
Thanks for a great blog, Lynda

John Says:

Hello Bob and Lynda
Thank you in advance for your kindness. Kye is growing bigger every day and I miss her very much. You bring up a very good point and I can understand that while many like meeting new friends at the lunch table some do not and that’s why tables for two are necessary. I need to check if indeed we have added more of these to your Carnival Dream ……..I will find out.
I have never and will never stand on stage and mention any other cruise line. While I have fun at their expense here on the blog thingy I would never do it on stage. I know however that some comics do at RCCL and that’s a shame. Our comics are forbidden from doing that……….I mean……….why advertise another line? I did once ask a guest to remove his RCCL T-shirt. He was sitting in the front row of a show and he removed it, sat bare chested for a few minutes while a staff member ran to the gift shops and got him a Carnival one.
Anyway, I look forward to seeing you soon and thank you again for your kindness
Best wishes
John

Laura Asked:
(Please reply)
Dear John,
I am not sure if this question has been asked before so please forgive me ahead of time if it has. Now that the H1N1 flu scare has subsided and allowed the cruise ships to sail back to Mexico, I was wondering if Carnival has given any thought to adding a Northwest cruise itinerary (Seattle, Vancouver, Victoria BC) as a permanent option? I for one would enjoy cruising to those ports since being from the West Coast, one can only sail MR and the Baja so many times. Just wondering….
P.S. The passenger complaining about the poo in the pool should be lucky she doesn’t live where I do. If there are any accidents like what happened, not only do the pools close and get cleaned, but they are closed for a mandatory 24hrs. That would just about eliminate an entire sea day!

John Says:
Hello Laura
It’s strange but I can’t remember having to close a pool because of a poo problem before …….certainly not in the last few years anyway. OK, let’s get away from number two and talk about our current number one ship The Carnival Splendor. When we had to make the changes because of the H1NPIG1 Flu thingy the ship that was affected the most was the Carnival Splendor as she called at three Mexican ports. However, while some guests were upset at the change of itinerary many discovered that the new one was simply brilliant and I think if we are honest……………the people at Carnival were surprised by its popularity as well. therefore I know that we are keeping this one up our sleeve and don’t be surprised if we announce some more voyages to Vancouver, Astoria etc one day.
Best wishes
John

Bruno Asked:
Dear John,
Thanks for your blog news…
My wife and I met when we both were crew members on the cruise ship. After some years now, we would like to embark again together. Can you give me some insider tips about couple policies and actual situation?
Kind regards!

John Says:
Hello Bruno
I am sure you have many happy memories of your time on board and like many crew members you met your partner there as well. Carnival has no specific rules regarding married couples except that if hired and working on the same ship we will obviously make sure you are in the same cabin. If you are indeed interested in employment why not send me a few details and I will point you in the right direction
Best wishes
John

DocF Asked:
Hi John, (Please Reply)
I am becoming a regular pest, I fear. Anyway, I do have two questions regarding our upcoming cruise on the Carnival Pride on August 21.
First, I would like to know who to talk to about doing a simple devotional service on Sunday. If there is someone more qualified than us, we would be happy to just attend but we do feel we can do this if we know how to get to the right person to find out about it.
Second, we have a small group on the Cruise Critic Roll Call for our cruise who want to do a get together about 1PM on Saturday, our first sea day. Since I suspect it will be about a dozen folks, my current thinking is we just put on name tags and gather near the Poseidon Bar. If it looks like this might evolve into something more major, I guess I would need to get up with Guest Services ASAP after boarding?
Oh yes, I need to send you a photo of Jo and me in our official go cruise on Carnival tee shirts. How can I do that?
Thank you for your help. You make life so much easier for those of us who are clueless and confused.
Doc (Jim) and DW (Jo)

John Says:
Hello Doc
You are never a pest Doc and I am happy to help as much as I can especially after the wonderful diabetic advice you have given me. OK, let’s start with the religious service. It is very gracious of you to offer and I will certainly ask the CD Kirk to arrange this if you want. I should point out that if advertised you can expect up to 100 guests to attend a service. I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable with this, please let me know.
As far as your CC roll call is concerned please allow me to arrange a meeting room for you. This will easier than hovering around a bar. Why not wait until a week before you sail and then post me the number of guests and your cabin number and I will arrange for both the service and the roll call meeting.
Stephanie will provide the email address for you to post the photos which I look forward to seeing.
Best wishes to you and the family
John

Larry Meador Asked:

John,
We are taking our 7th cruise on the August 5th Northbound Carnival Spirit. It will be my 9 year old son’s 5th cruise. All on Carnival! About 2 years ago, some friends of ours were going on a cruise with another cruise line. When they were showing us the itinerary, my then 7 year old asked very seriously “are you going on a Carnival cruise or just a regular one?” You can tell what he thinks of Carnival cruises.
He is very excited about the upcoming cruise in August, because his birthday is on the 8th. Is there anything the ship can do to make his birthday a little more memorable? Any kind of surprise would really send him over the top!
In any case, keep up the blogs because I love reading them. It’s my cruise fix in between cruises. I’m not sure when we will get to cruise with you, but I’m sure we will eventually, since my wife is determined to cruise on every Carnival ship made…..

John Says:
Hello Larry
“Are you going on a Carnival cruise or just a regular one?”………………..that is brilliant.
Please send me his name and cabin number a week or so before you sail and I will send him a gift that will hopefully make his birthday that extra bit special. I hope we get to sail with each other soon and my best to you and the family
John

Mary Asked:
Dear John, (please reply)
You certainly gave me a challenge asking me to post the links to you of those 3 young ladies I referred to you. It never occurred to me to do so as I am not that computer savvy. At your request I hope I have learned how to post those for you.
One of the ladies has her own travel blog so I thought that would be an easier read for you than reading the whole thread with other posters’ comments etc.
http://sunglassesandumbrelladrinks.blogspot.com/
http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1002113
Carnival Liberty 5/2/2009 Review
Enjoy them and let me know what you think of them.
Sincerely,
Mary

John Says:
Hello Mary
Mary, you are much more computer savvy than you thought because you sent me the link thingy to this amazing review. It is about the most comprehensive review I have ever seen and I have sent it to the ship and to the Miami office as well. Thank you so much for sharing this with us all and I am sure the girls have a future as travel writers don’t you?

MSQPON – Jo Myerly Asked:
John-Pleasereply
Hi John, I saw in a recent blog that you are trying to find out the rules for using the “Where next certificates”. We were just on the 6/14/09 sailing of the Carnival Splendor. I bought five of these certificates for a total of $500. When we got home I sent in the first one to use it on our 11/15/09 sailing of the Carnival Dream booking —-. I found out today that the certificates can’t be used when you are booked using a military rate. Carnival is going to credit the $100 on the cruise but I won’t get the extra on board credit for the certificate. I am going to keep the extra four certificates for awhile in case I ever book with another rate. Please try to get the rules published.
Thanks again for all your help.
Jo

John Says:
Hello Jo
I must admit that I find this quite complicated myself and I have asked for clarification on what these certificates can and cannot be used for. I will indeed get the rates published this week for sure as I know it would help lots of you. I will also ask the cruise loyalty expert we have onboard the Carnival Freedom to help with this as well.
I won’t forget.
Best wishes to you and Dave
John

That’s all for today. I wanted to follow up quickly with a note from a blogger about Alaska and which side of the ship gave the best views. I asked Chris “Bubba” Roberts and here is his response

Hey John
As this is for next year, the itinerary will be different and we will be in ports on different days then what we are now. Here’s how we dock now….
Juneau – usually always port side….but the starboard side has great views of the channel and Douglas Island….port side has views of the mountains
Skagway – we dock on both sides. One on one week and one on the other.
Ketchikan – we dock on both sides. Same as Skagway…but both sides have nice views.
Sitka – we are not going there next year
Victoria – we haven’t been there yet, but will be on the itinerary next year.
When we sail to places like where the glaciers are, the captain will always spin the ship around so that both sides will get a view of the scenery.
Hope this helps.
C

Thanks mate for your continuing help and support for the blog thingy. Have I mentioned how much we will miss you? Carnival’s loss is the Waffle House’s gain.

And one last follow up:

fuzzypeach Asked:
John, please tell me which ship my fave maitre’d is on. His name is Aleksandr Kazakov. He was on the Triumph a while back, but I want to know if he’ll be making my week by being on the Splendor on the Sept 13th sailing!!!!
Yes, he is very memorable! Damn good looking, and could make an 80 year old turn her head!!!
Fuzzypeach – Alex is on the Carnival Liberty and i sent him your comment – he was very proud………………and still is very ugly
Then there was the question about mailing tickets to guests stopping and this time the jungle drums were correct. Here is the latest news from our friend in PR….. Vance.
The vast majority of consumers are accustomed to utilizing electronic documents for travel. In addition to offering a fast and convenient means for distributing our cruise documents, electronic documents provide cost efficiencies for our company which is more important than ever in today’s business environment. Our research indicates that the majority of our travel agent partners and guests prefer e-docs or no documents at all and quite a few travel agencies migrated entirely to e-docs when we first introduced the program. Currently, approximately 70% select e-documents for all of their clients.
And finally I read that some of you have had concerns in the past boarding and disembarking vessels in Port Everglades and I have to admit……..so have I. However, I want to show you this breakdown of what happened this last Saturday.
-Alongside: 6:00am
-Gangway: 6:30 – delay due to a fuel hose lying in the path of the wheels.
-Crew off: 6:30
-Self Assist Program: 6:45 – 8:35 with 1758 guests participating.
-Luggage lay down: 78 cages 7:00-7:45
-General Debark: 8:45 – 10:05
-Boarding: 11:15 – 11:30 the connection is stable so we brought Apass into the terminal.

-Embark we equally as well. There were no long lines and lots of happy guests!

That was from our Embarkation Manager. They have worked so hard over the last few months to improve the experience and they have been successful. We have also switched piers to Pier 21 from Pier 19 which allows for more room. As you can see, we started debarkation at 6:45am with over 1,700 guests using the self assist program which I promoted heavily. I feel comfortable doing this with a younger crowd who on a 6 day cruise tend to have less luggage. And as you can see by 10:05am 3600 people were on their way home. Can we do better………..yes we can and we must.

Does Port Everglades have the facilities of our new Miami terminal …nope…it doesn’t. But I think we are making the very best out of a difficult situation. I cannot imagine what disembarking 6,000 passengers will be like in Port Everglades……..thank goodness there isn’t a ship of that size that will be docking there..oh hold on….there is …… the Ladiesandgentlemenweapologizeforthedelayinthedebarkationsystemthismorning of the Seas.

And so a new cruise has begun and let’s share with you the demographics of where we are going and with whom.

Here is the itinerary for voyage FD8070409
Date Day Ship Port – City(Port), Nation Arrive Depart
7/4/09 Sat Freedom Ft. Lauderdale, FL 8:00 AM 4:00 PM
7/5/09 Sun Freedom “Fun Day” At Sea At Sea At Sea
7/6/09 Mon Freedom Cozumel 8:00 AM 5:00 PM
7/7/09 Tue Freedom “Fun Day” At Sea At Sea At Sea
7/8/09 Wed Freedom Limon, Costa Rica 10:00 AM 6:00 PM
7/9/09 Thu Freedom Colon, Panama 7:00 AM 4:00 PM
7/10/09 Fri Freedom “Fun Day” At Sea At Sea At Sea
7/11/09 Sat Freedom “Fun Day” At Sea At Sea At Sea
7/12/09 Sun Freedom Ft. Lauderdale, FL 8:00 AM 4:00 PM

We are sailing with 3617 guests…………………..as follows.
Barbados 2
Belarus
Belgium
Belize
Bermuda 6
Bolivia
Botswana
Brazil
Bulgaria
Canada 53
Cayman 6
Chile
China
Colombia 18
Costa Rica
Croazia
Cuba 14
Czech Republic 3
Denmark 5
Dominica 3
Dominican Republic 5
Ecuador 1
Egypt
El Salvador
Estonia
Finland
France
French Guyana
Georgia
Germany 7
Ghana
Greece
Grenada 2
Guyana
Guatemala 2
Haiti
Honduras 2
Hungary
Iceland
India
Indonesia
Iran
Iraq 1
Ireland 1
Israel
Italy
Jamaica
Japan 3
Jordan
Korea
Laos
Latvia
Lebanon
Lithuania
Macedonia
Madagascar
Malaysia
Malta
Mexico 11
Moldova
Mongolia
Montenegro
Morocco
Myanmar
Nepal
Netherlands 12
Netherlands Ant
New Zealand 1
Nicaragua
Nigeria
Norway
Pakistan
Panama
Peru 2
Philippines
Poland
Portugal
Puerto Rico 20
Romania
Russia 2
Samoa
Saint Lucia
Saint Vincent
Saudi Arabia
Singapore
Slovakia
Slovenia
South Africa
Salvador
Spain 3
Suriname
Sweden
Switzerland 1
Syrian Arab Rep
Taiwan
Thailand
Trinidad & Tobago 3
Turkey 2
Ukraine
United Kingdom 6
Uruguay 6
Venezuela 50
Virgin Islands 16
TOTAL PASSENGERS 383

From: FREEDOM GUEST SERVICES SUPERVISOR
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 5:58 PM
To: FREEDOM HOTEL DIRECTOR; FREEDOM CRUISE DIRECTOR
Cc: FREEDOM GUEST SERVICES; FREEDOM GUEST SERVICES MANAGER; FREEDOM GUEST SERVICES SUPERVISOR
Subject: Past Guest Count FD20090704008
Good evening,
Past guest count for this cruise is: 2278
Please confirm we will have two parties in the Victoriana Lounge on: Friday, July 10th @ 4:00 and 5:15pm.
Thanks and regards,

So with 3,600 guests of which 2278 are past guests……………..off we go.
This will be the first time the Carnival Freedom has been back to Cozumel since the H1PIG1 flu thingy and I am sure that everyone in Cozumel will be as glad to see us. I will report more about that tomorrow.

However, its time for life boat drill and then the Welcome Aboard show and I will write more later……………….back soon.

Good Morning

It’s 6:45am and here I sit in my underpants writing to you. I know you won’t see this until Monday but I have a very busy day ahead of me so I thought I would do some writing. It looks like a beautiful day as we head to Cozumel and certainly last night was very interesting. Let’s start by talking about the July 4th celebrations. We certainly do all we can here on board to make it special but honestly speaking I am sure it must be an anti climatic experience for many. First of all this year it fell on a Saturday ………….. embarkation day ……………..and I am sure the thrill of Independence was quickly forgotten as people endured searches, security, X-ray machines, grumpy flight attendants and the other joys of traveling . Then, there is the whole check in procedure and then once on board……….well………….maybe the guest starts thinking “oh yes. I had forgotten………….it’s July 4th.”

And then the expectations start to rise again ………………..bugger. Thinking about it we could do more. In the old days we decorated the ship…………..we haven’t done so for many years. I notice that our Taste of the Nations selection on Lido Deck today is …………ummmmm………….Italian………………while the American Tate of the Nations is ummmm…….on Friday…………why didn’t I think to change that. I mean the guests are probably thinking “Why the heck are we eating Spaghetti Bollocknase on the 4th of July…………….where da hot dogs at?”

And then of course there are the fireworks…………or lack of them. Hopefully though everyone now understands that rockets and explosions and cruise ships go together like the words Epic and beautiful………….if you know what I mean.

So what do we do. Well apart from a welcome banner in the Carnival Capers, a 4th of July trivia quiz and announcements from me the only thing I could really do was to send the orchestra into each dining room at each sitting. I had written a speech out for the Maitre D’s that basically wished everyone a Happy 4th of July etc etc and then the guests were invited to stand and join in the American National anthem played by the musicians. Behind them stood the dining room staff, hand on heart although not one was American ……………and actually it was very well received. However, I did expect one or two comments like “not enough was done to celebrate July 4th. On Celebrity they had a five hour firework display ….indoors…….”

I was wrong.

The only complaint I got was this one.

Guest: Mr. —————-Ref: 840009286A
Cabin: ————Booking#: _________ Added-Changed: 07/03/09 – 07/03/09

C – 6410 – UNHAPPY WITH MUSIC IN DINING ROOM

Guest approached the GS Desk and stated that he had been humiliated in the dining room by being forced to stand up during the United States anthem. Guest said that not everyone is American and that he should not be forced to have to listen to this music. GSA apologized and said that he would pass his comments on to the Cruise Director and Hotel Director and Maitre D…
Note: Guest is from Venezuela
Letter of apology sent and tasked to Cruise Director

Las Buggers. So, as the lovely purser or guest services thingy tasked this to me I had to call Senior Jose Canyousee ………….and he was el mado for sureo. I won’t put in writing what he said as I refuse to give him air time. I will tell you that after spending ten minutes on the phone with Senjour Jose Canyousee I wanted to kick him right in Las Nutoes.

So overall it was an interesting July 4th and I think we need to think about doing more next year to make it special. Then again………..why should I care…………..you are celebrating Independence from us ……….the Brits………………and if I had my way you would all be drinking Tea, driving on the other side of the road, eating with the fork in the right hand, spelling colour and humour correctly ………………………….and eating Spotted Dick .

One of the wonders of this job is that you never know what’s going to happen when you choose people from the audience. First of all let’s meet Josh who is two years old.

w1

w2

Josh and I had some fun on stage and after I presented him with his magic treasure coin I asked for a high five which he gave me with such venom it actually made me wince. This kid is going to be a boxer for sure………………….and look at that hair.

And finally………………………….There I was picking people out of the audience last night for the welcome aboard show and when I turned to go back on stage I found that there were two too many people there. Amongst the people I had chosen were two ladies who to cut a long story short…………..were absolutely bladdered……..drunk as a skunk ……….loaded, wasted, sloshed, Brahms and List (rhyming slang)…….oh deep joy.

Well, I tried to have a bit of fun with them. This is how the conversation went with the blonde one live on stage in front of 1,800 people

JOHN – WHATS YOUR NAME

BLONDE – I cannot find ma shoeeeees

JOHN – They are probably still at Payless

BLONDE – I fink ma shoeees are gone swimmmming

JOHN – This portion of the show is sponsored by Budweiser

The blonde then stumbled and nearly fell over but luckily I caught her.

JOHN – OK, TIME TO GO TO BED NOW

I then tried to lead her off the stage but she refused to go.

I then told her that she should sit down and enjoy the rest of the show……….to which she replied IN THE NEGATIVE AS YOU WILL SEE FROM THIS PHOTO

w4

And that was that. I apologized to the audience and told the lady that there were children in the room and to grow up. During all of this Jaime and the staff had called security and they arrived and we took both ladies out of the room………..they received a standing ovation as they left as the audience showed how glad they were to see them go.

Their Sail and Sign cards have been deactivated and they won’t be allowed to purchase anything from the bars plus security is watching them very carefully. I have not seen them since but I hope they watch the show on TV. Especially my 25 year old blonde friend from Atlanta, Georgia who is here with her Mum. I hope she realizes what a fool she made of herself and I hope she finds it in her to apologize ……..if she does …………….I will send her a bottle of champagne.

Goodnight
Your friend
John

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.