Drink?

July 10, 2009 -

John Heald

“John……..are you an alcoholic?” That’s the first question people ask you. Then the next thing is, ‘Oh, are you religious?’

These are the usual opening statements I get when I tell people I don’t drink any alcohol. Tell someone you don’t smoke and that’s impressive…….tell them you don’t drink………and you’re a weirdo.

Such was the case last night when I sat with a group of guests in the cigar bar when I hosted “Cigars with John” and as all 40-plus of us sat together discussing life and good cigars the subject of what drink best complements a Cohiba came up………some said Scotch, others cognac while many were enjoying the mojitos we were serving………..me …………I said “Diet Coke.” ……………………..and instantly………….I was a friend of Bill W.

I am used to this of course and I am used to the fact that me teetotalism (is that a word?) provokes an almost in-built guilt for those that are drinking. When I tell people that I don’t drink, they start looking at themselves. They either start trying to justify drinking, or say “I really must give it up.” Or they’ll tell you a story about how they stopped drinking for four months two years ago and it felt fantastic. For people who drink, it’s a big deal not drinking and you think, “Actually, this person makes me feel like I am a very strange person.”

I stopped drinking as I said just after meeting Heidi. A few weeks later I was back at work as a cruise director on the Carnival Imagination. I had been out in the disco and had been celebrating someone’s birthday and had drunk 3 or 4 cognacs……….large ones. I remember going to bed feeling fine around 2 am but then the phone rang at 4 am and I was told to come to the bridge.

There had been reports of a man overboard and I had to call a full muster. This meant getting on the PA system, waking every guest and crew member up and telling them that the stateroom stewards and department heads would be checking that every guest was accounted for. Well ……..I was told this by a captain who I can’t name but whose English was not the best ……..he is a wonderful captain and one of the finest navigators I have ever met………but his thick Italian accent was difficult to understand at the best of times…….without my head feeling like Paris Hilton was living in it. “You zee”………he said…………”Wake op de passongers and tell dem wea hava to check a them in de beds.”…………….ummmmm……………….”What?”

I had flashbacks of the last time he had called me to the bridge to tell me “Johnny…….you zee make on an anoouncment dat we no go Cayman !”……..ummm…………”What?” ……… ”Johnny…….you zee make on an anoouncment dat we no go Cayman”……….”Oh ok……why are we not going to Grand Cayman?”……………”De oricani come” ………………. ummm ………… “What?”…………………”De oricani come.”…………..it was just as he was about to repeat it for the third time and just as he was getting ready to explode because I didn’t understand that the staff captain told me “We are not going to Cayman as the hurricane is heading that way.” …………….oh.

But on this occasion it wasn’t just his thick accent that I was having trouble with…..it was my head and my stomach and ……I have no idea how I managed to get through that night. My speech sounded slurred and I couldn’t concentrate and luckily there was no man over board as the guest that reported it turned out to be ……well………..drunk. But, we had to take his report seriously. Anyway, I have no idea how I got through that night and how the guests understood me anymore than I understood the captain.

Since that day in 1995 I have never let alcohol touch my lips……..except during my stag party in Amsterdam when Alan and Roger tricked me into drinking a pint of Guinness with a shot of Bailey’s in it — and a pair of edible cherry underwear……..the bastards.

Time for today’s questions ……………here we go.

Slickabrina Asked:
Please reply…
Hi John!
Have a question about Elation’s schedule past April 2010. Just kidding!! I think your replies and my postings somehow crossed in the email universe. Thanks for the info and looking forward to booking.

But, do have a question about the current situation in Honduras. The State Dept. has advised against non-essential travel to the region. Does Carnival have any plans to suspend their calls to Roatan? I know the info I see on Cruise Critic is no (which I know is not gospel) but given the State Dept. advisory, is this something being considered or would it be on a sailing by sailing basis?

Thank you much!
Colleen

John Says:
Hello Colleen
While the capital and major cities of Honduras does have an advisory against it there them for non-essential travel there are no such advisories for the cruise industry to suspend their calls to Roatan and at the time of writing there are no plans to cancel any calls. However, we will continue to monitor the situation very carefully and as the safety of our guests is our number one concern rest assured we would never purposely put you in harm’s way. I promise to keep you informed.

Best wishes
John

Lisa Asked:
John, (Please read this and comment)
I don’t know if anyone has pointed this out yet, as I don’t read the comments every day, but, something posted on Cruise Critic (6/21/09) disturbed me greatly when I read it today:

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1009650

It is a thread by a mother who is upset that her daughters (10 y.o.) were being bothered by another 10 y.o. boy in Camp Carnival, and complained to the Camp Carnival Staff with the promise by the staff to monitor the situation. Well, they weren’t monitoring very well because later, the boy exposed himself to the girls in camp. She feels, as do I, that the situation wasn’t handled properly.

I would like to see what you think should have happened and reassure me that this type of situation will be handled differently in the future!

Thank you for your help today.

Still love your blog and the thought that if anyone asks you a question or has a concern, you will follow up.

John Says:
Hi Lisa
Thanks for writing about this and you are correct that here on the blog I want to know what concerns people and I want to make sure I look into those concerns for each and every one of our loyal Carnival guests. I was aware already about this as someone else posted the comment from Cruise Critic a few weeks ago. There is not much I can tell you except that an allegation was made by one set child and completely denied by another …….a sort of “he said, she said”-type of thing. Once an allegation like this is made it is carefully investigated by the ship’s senior management and appropriate steps taken as warranted.

Our Camp Carnival program is staffed and managed by professionals and there is no safer or more fun way for children of all ages to enjoy their cruise experience.

I hope you continue to enjoy the blog and please feel free to ask me anything, anytime.
Best wishes
John

Deby Asked:
Dear John, PLEASE REPLY!
Hi John- love looking at the pics of your beautiful Kye- she is adorable. I know you miss her but I can tell she is gonna be a daddy’s girl at heart.

Hubby and I are booked on the Caribbean Princess in Sept doing the Canada cruise and I have seen something called the Chefs Table. Can you get your spies to find out what this is and how to sign up for it- sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate our 29th anniversary? Thanks, Deby (who is looking very forward to booking a cruise on the Dream next year).

John Says:
Hello Deby
Thanks so much for saying how beautiful Kye is and I hope you enjoy today’s photo of her. How wonderful that you are cruising on the Caribbean Princess. I love their product and the Chef’s Table is a magical highlight. I asked my friend James Lay, their senior cruise director what this was all about and he told me the following:

John
The Chef’s Table dinner on the Princess ships is one of the best and most memorable meals at sea. The Chef’s Table dinner begins in the galley for pre-dinner cocktails and hors d’oeuvres with the executive chef, followed by a specially prepared multi-course tasting dinner in the dining room. It will be a wonderful chance to see the food you are going to eat be prepared in the galley and is a real look behind the scenes.

Additionally, each couple at the Chef’s Table will receive a personalized autographed copy of Princess’ best-selling cookbook, Courses, A Culinary Journey, which has sold more than 100,000 copies worldwide and is available on amazon.com. Guests will also enjoy a complimentary photo taken at the private table with the chef.

The Chef’s Table experience can be reserved by up to 10 passengers per night, at a cost of $75 per person. Reservations are made onboard through the ship’s DINE telephone line or in person at the dining reservations table set up on the first day of the cruise.

I hope your bloggers enjoy this super experience

Thanks James………I am sure they will.

So Deby……..how about that?……….it sounds brilliant. Let me know if you decide to do this and tell us all about here on the blog thingy.

Best wishes and have a fantastic cruise
John

Dorothy Asked:
John,
Please reply when able to.
Kye sure is a beauty.
I was wondering if Carnival would do a few connecting modified stateroom with another stateroom. When I cruise with my son we need a modified stateroom, and then another regular stateroom for my dad and sister, we would love to be able to stay together instead of being on different ends of the ship or on other decks. We were lucky back in May, we were only a few steps from each other, but it would have been better if we only had one door to go through instead of in one and out another. I hope that when they start on the Carnival Magic, that they will take in consideration more modified balcony and suites, and some with modified connecting staterooms. Thanks for the pictures of Kye, keep them coming.

Thanks for all of your time and help.

John Says:
Hello Dorothy
My Kye is getting spoiled today with all these lovely comments and thank you for making me a very proud Dad through your kind words. We realize the importance of family vacations and that some families like to be close together and also need more space. That’s why we have the new family cabins on the Carnival Dream that include connecting doors and the two bathrooms. I am sure that many will relish these facilities. I have yet to see the plans for Carnival Magic but I am sure you will not be disappointed and I will certainly pass your request up the line as what you said makes total sense.

I hope you like the photo of Kye today
Best wishes
John

Lisa D Asked:
Dear John,
Please respond………..
I am in the process of booking the Dream for March. I just found out that you are scheduled to be the CD and that thrills me since I have never cruised with you before. I am traveling with my husband and two teens and I am trying to figure out if it would be better to book adjoining cove balconies or a balcony on the panorama deck with an interior across the hall…………do you have any advice? Thanks in advance………….and I have recently became a fan of your blog…………I want to congratulate you on your new daughter and continue with the updates…………please!

John Says:
Hello Lisa
It is a double thrill to know that you have discovered the blog thingy and become a fan and that you want to book the Carnival Dream to sail with me………..I am so honored. I will indeed be the CD on your Carnival Dream for part of March and it would be a joy if you could join me. Both the cabin options you mentioned are wonderful and they both have a lot to offer. Personally, though, I would go for adjoining cove balconies. You can open the partition and make one large balcony and the views…….well they are extraordinary and you feel so close to the sea. However, those would be two very lucky teens to have their own balcony cabin and of course the balcony and inside cabin option is also a good one………for me though the cove cabins have the edge as you can have two together.

Let me know when you have booked and what you decided to do and I promise that I will do my best to make your families Carnival Dream cruise the best vacation you have ever had.

Best wishes to you all
John

Lorraine Beggs Asked:
Hi John (please reply)
I wrote last week but I don’t know if you have received this yet. I asked for comments on the following:-
I am cruising for the 1st time with Carnival on the Maiden Voyage of Carnival dream on 21/09. I did the maiden on Independence of the seas as was truly disappointed in the sail away celebrations. What does Carnival do on these occasions? Also we were originally booked on the Freedom, then moved to the Liberty and finally to the Dream. We did received $50 per person obc (there are 4 of us). Our travel agent called Carnival to ask if there was anything else could be offered due to the inconvenience of my husband and I having to use another days holidays to accommodate the change from 19th to 21 September and they said it would be up to Miami. This was also their comment when advised that we have previously cruised with Princess and as the back of Carnivals brochures indicate, this could mean either discount or little extras. I’m not asking for a free cruise and upgrade (if only!) but just wondered what you thought.

PS the photos of Kye are beautiful and I hope it is not too long before you get to see Heidi and her.

John Says:
Hello Lorraine
I have a feeling your question and my answer crossed somewhere. When people post questions I always kindly ask that they give me five working days to answer them as I am always working behind the pace so to speak and answering 60 questions a week means that unfortunately the answers are not instantaneous. Anyway, here is my answer which I hope you have seen was posted three days ago.
Here we go.

Well first of all I want to apologize to you in case I have not done so before. There were a group of guests like yourself who were booked on both the ships we canceled from their European cruises due to the credit crunch, etc. This was very unfortunate and even though it was the right thing to have done as bookings in the Caribbean have shown, we knew we would be disrupting people’s vacation plans and that is something we never want to do.

So once again please let me apologize. I also want to tell you that having seen your Carnival Dream I can tell you that the ship will not disappoint you in any way. She is truly magnificent and her inaugural cruise will be very, very special. I know that plans on what will be scheduled for this voyage are ongoing so I really cannot say yet what will happen. I wonder………as you experienced an inaugural cruise that was disappointing please could you tell me what you felt was missing and what you would have liked to have seen. Maybe there are other bloggers who have experienced inaugural cruises who would like to jump in here.
As far as the on board credit is concerned, I will forward your comments to our Miami office and let’s see what we can do to help you. Please send me a comment the week before so I can send you a bon voyage gift as well.

Thanks for writing and I look forward to hearing from you with your further comments. Thanks again for the kind words about Kye, there is another photo coming up.
Best wishes
John

Paula Asked:
Hi John, (Please reply)
I spent yesterday reading blogs from Jan. 2009 through April 2009. I had read some previously but got hooked yesterday. 1. Your daughter is precious. And her name…adorable. 2. I sent two blog questions yesterday, but did not put please reply, so…I was wondering if we have ever sailed with you as our CD before. I am sure we have but don’t know on what ship. Is there any way we could find out? 3. We completed our 9th CC cruise in March, on the Freedom which was the BEST CC ever. We celebrated my husband’s 61st b’day on the cruise. It was the best cruise we have ever been on–and we have been on 15. Of course CC is our favorite, but we had to try others–to make sure and to get to other ports. We made sure to tell Todd, James and Captain Queirolo that they MADE the cruise. Now, we have booked The Dream for January 23rd. Will Todd and James be the CD and ACD on that cruise? They are the reason we booked that cruise. We have bragged about them so much that we have enticed several other people/couples to go with us b/c of them. And also Capt. Q. 4. If not them, then who? You? I’m sure you would be a great substitute. OUCH. I hope that didn’t destroy you. LOL. 5. On the Freedom we paid a deposit for another cruise and now are told we can’t use it with a group. BOO. At least let us use it for a deposit and then we’ll save the onboard credit for another time. Or, vice versa. The rules truly need to be expanded upon and expressed clearly.

Anyway, enough. Just wanted to get the answers to my questions and tell you how much I am enjoying reading your blog.
Paula

John Says:
Hello Paula
I have a feeling your eyes must be exhausted after reading all those blogs but I am so thankful that you have taken the time to do so. I should explain that there is around a five-day gap between you posting a question and me answering it so my apologies if you thought I had ignored you. Hopefully you will have seen my answer posted yesterday……if not….here it is again.

Hello Paula
You know I have no idea what ships I have been on and when just off hand. I have been a Cruise Director since 1990 and apart from Carnival Conquest, Carnival Pride, Carnival Spirit, Carnival Elation, and Carnival Paradise. I have been CD on all the ships. I am sure If you had have sailed with me you would have remembered because I am better….much better than Todd ……and I am much better looking as well. Then again, the lesser Spotted Mongolian Dung Beetle is better looking than Todd so I guess that’s not saying much.

OK, to get serious……Todd is brilliant and he will be the CD on your Carnival Dream and James will be the ACD. I don’t have Captain Queirolo’s schedule just yet so I don’t know when he is taking a vacation. I will let you know when he knows.

Regardless you will have a fantastic time and your Carnival Dream cruise vacation will be the best ever.
There you go. Hope this helps.
Best wishes
John

Peg Asked:
Dear John,
PLEASE REPLY
I hate to bring this up after the drunk blonde made a fool of herself, but there is a post on Cruise Critic that the drinks at the Captains Party are no longer free but are $1.00 off the regular price. Is that information true?

It sounds like this cruise is going to be a problem. I wonder if there has ever been a cruise you have been on that has been smooth sailing. I doubt it. Keep smiling John; you are truly one of the good guys.
My best to Heidi and Kye.

John Says:
Hello Peg
There is always a story on each and every cruise if you look hard enough. However, I always seem to attract the fun individuals that make great topics for the blog thingy.

Well, the thread you are referring to on Cruise Critic is correct but then not correct. Here’s the latest: We wanted to do something special for our guests towards the end of the voyage to thank them for spending their vacations with us so developed the concept of a farewell appreciation party with the ship’s senior officers and complimentary cocktails. At the same time, we are continuing to offer the captain’s celebration on the first elegant night but have modified and expanded it to feature discounted drink pricing for a two-hour window not only at the location of the captain’s party but all along the ship’s promenade as well. These adjustments not only retain the one hour of complimentary cocktails but add a second party with the ship’s senior management and a two-hour period of discounted drinks. I will keep you posted though.
Thanks for the kind words and I send my best wishes to you and the family
John

Kiciaski Asked:
Hi John,
I have a question for you regarding a post from Cruise Critic. Some people mentioned that there were no more free drinks at the Captain’s party but were available for $1 off per drink. There was also mention of a Farewell party with free drinks. Is any of this true? How about at the Past Guest Party?

In two months we’ll be on the Carnival Liberty and we can’t wait.
George and Linda

John Says:
Hello George and Linda
I am trying to remember the last time we sailed together…………when was it? I am going to use my cut and paste thingy button if you don’t mind so I can make sure I get you the right answer to what seems to be a popular question today………….here we go.

We wanted to do something special for our guests towards the end of the voyage to thank them for spending their vacations with us so developed the concept of a farewell appreciation party with the ship’s senior officers and complimentary cocktails. At the same time, we are continuing to offer the captain’s celebration on the first elegant night but have modified and expanded it to feature discounted drink pricing for a two-hour window not only at the location of the captain’s party but all along the ship’s promenade as well. These adjustments not only retain the one hour of complimentary cocktails but add a second party with the ship’s senior management and a two-hour period of discounted drinks. I wish I could be on the Carnival Liberty with you.

Best wishes to you both
John

Donna Asked:
John…please reply with your thoughts
Love the stories on the Freedom…counting down the days until 7/26…Do you have any suggestions as to the best excursion or something special onboard (not overly priced)…it is our 30th anniversary and I wanted to do something special and surprise my husband…we have never been to any of the ports…so any suggestion is welcome…Is there a way that I can book an excursion/onboard activity and pay cash…so it does not show on our room card? I don’t want him to see it if at all possible…I’d like it to be a surprise with no bill!!!

John Says:
Hello Donna
I am looking forward to spending your 30th anniversary with you when you sail. Please ……….book the steak house……….it will be the perfect way for you to celebrate this special day. You can pre book online or I can do it for you.

As for an excursion, well it’s hard what to choose without knowing what you like to do ……. sightsee, swim, snorkel etc. I highly recommend Mystic Mountain in Jamaica where you take the ski lift up and then experience the most amazing scenery in the Caribbean from a Jamaican sledge. Tell you what. Come along to my travel talk which I will hold before we arrive at the ports and I will tell you and the guests all about the ports. Then if you have any questions myself and the staff will be there to help you. Also, please leave me a note at the Guest Services Desk when you board stating who you are and it’s your anniversary, etc. and I will read your dedication out on my morning show and send you a little gift.
See you soon
Best wishes
John

Wes and Liz Manchester England Asked:
Hi John.
Please respond if you get the time.
Good to see you back on stage and doing what you do best. You seem to be enjoying yourself, despite missing Heidi and Kye.

You may remember a few weeks back you were discussing your itinerary regarding the Dream’s inaugural. You mentioned it wouldn’t be fair to Todd to be on board as he was the CD.

Later you seemed to be having second thoughts because of the disappointment expressed by a number of bloggers who will be on board.

Have you had any more thoughts on that or are we going to miss you in September.

Another cruise critic thread that seems to be getting a lot of attention (for obvious reasons) is the fact that there were no free drinks at the welcome aboard party on the Valor recently and the thoughts that this was going to be introduced fleet wide. Any official news on this one.

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1018042.

All the best
Wes and Liz

John Says:
Hello Wes and Liz
You know, it is so frustrating when people write only half the story on the boards ……………… why?…………….why not add the most important fact.
Sorry to vent mate. Here is the answer to the comments on the thread:
We wanted to do something special for our guests towards the end of the voyage to thank them for spending their vacations with us so developed the concept of a farewell appreciation party with the ship’s senior officers and complimentary cocktails. At the same time, we are continuing to offer the captain’s celebration on the first elegant night but have modified and expanded it to feature discounted drink pricing for a two-hour window not only at the location of the captain’s party but all along the ship’s promenade as well. These adjustments not only retain the one hour of complimentary cocktails but add a second party with the ship’s senior management and a two-hour period of discounted drinks
Now as for the Carnival Dream………….let’s see what we can do…………….but I have a feeling we may be talking about John Terry playing for City.
Best wishes to you both
John

Judy Asked:
John please reply.
I am sailing on the Dream on October 3 and I have a question. Will my Passport be retained at any of the ports? I have never had to do that at any European ports I have gone to and honestly, this makes me VERY nervous. What if there is an emergency in port or on board the ship and I don’t have my Passport? What if the authorities/cruise line loses it?
Thanks.
Judy

John Says:
Hello Judy
If you are a US Citizen, Canadian or EU passport holder we will not take your passport in order to present it to Immigration. The only time we do this in Europe is during our Greece and Turkey cruises. By the way, when we do, there really is nothing to be nervous about I promise. The passport never leaves the ship and is kept securely the entire cruise. Anyway, during your Carnival Dream Grand Med cruise you will keep your passport for the entire voyage.

I am sure you are getting excited now and I wish you a wonderful cruise on your Carnival Dream.
Best wishes
John

That’s all for today………please remember to mark your postings “John, please reply” if you would like me to help you in anyway. Once again a big thank you to you all for your reviews and comments.

We have been talking about our continuing goal to make the embarkation process a smooth a transition to the vessel as possible. With that in mind here is some news about Miami and some special kiosks.

Carnival Introduces Self Service Check In Kiosks At Port Of Miami

Have any of you used this yet? If so, please let us know your thoughts.

Now, we have been talking a lot about your Carnival Dream and we have heard from some of the people who are already in the shipyard in Italy such as Captain Queirolo and of course our friend Boris who has also sent me some photos of some of the other people who will probably go un heralded for their wonderful work which is so important to the your Carnival Dream’s start up program. Here they are.

Gazzolo Stefano – Chief and Vincenzo Lubrano – Hotel Eng
Chief Gazzolo Stefano and hotel eng Vincenzo Lubrano

Boldrini Stefano – Staff Chief
Staff chief Boldrini Stefano

Margherita Castagliuolo – Guest Services Manager
Margherita Castagliuolo  Guest Services Manager

Gianluigi Falcone – Receiving Coordinator
Gianluigi Falcone Receiving coordinator

Ana – Guest Services
Ana guest services team

Deck Officers
Deck officers

We thank them all so very much for all their hard work and lets see some of the public areas of the ship that are continuing to take shape.

Main Lounge

Piano bar

Piazza

Shops 1

Those photos were taken by Boris on Thursday so as you can see we are trying to keep you up to date with whats happening on a ship we are all so excited about………….have you booked yet?

Oh, by the way…………….I forgot to take a photo of the Fish and Chip selection yesterday as I had ………..ummmm…………..eaten it. So here is a montage thingy of what we serve there.

Fish n Chips

Did you see the James Taylor video I posted earlier this week? It is incredible and 10,000 plus have clicked on it and enjoyed his music played onboard the incomparable ocean liner Queen Mary 2. If you have not seen it yet here is another chance to do so and if any of your friends are music fans this is something they have to see so make sure you pass it on.

It’s never a good sign when the Captain sends a ” Bad Weather ” report round for each department head to sign. This bit of paper procedure has been around for as l can remember and is used when bad weather is expected. Personally I think its a bit antiquated…………..why not send an e mail like we do for a million other things on board? Anyway, each department head has to sign to say that they understand that there will be bad weather and when the security staff member came to my cabin for me to sign it I already new by the thunder and the lightning outside as we prepared to leave Panama that it wasn’t going to be a pretty night. And it wasn’t.

The seas have been 8 – 10 feet since we left and as always when the ship moves like id did last night and still is today it is the older people I feel sorry for who may already have walking concerns. Anywway, at lezst the sun is shining somewhat and thats good. It is still very windy and we are still moving quite a bit as we head from Panama at 20 knots back to Port Everglades.

Its still windy as well as you will see.

Good morning,
Please be informed, decks 12 & 14 (slide, mini golf, ping pong, basketball court) area closed due to strong wind in open deck, until further notice.

Thank you and best regards,
Pools & Decks Supervisor

Bugger……………….as I said though……….at least the sun is shining.

Talking of sunshine……………………here is my sunshine……………Heidi and Kye

Kye

Oh my…………….how I miss them.

I know that I sometimes can be a little cruel about the French and that my words sometimes puts peopels back up……………including one esteemed cruise industry writer……………..ces’t la vive.
But my reflections on all things French are not just the result of my own treatment by my garlic munching friends but it seems others…………..many others…………have the same opinion.

Have a read of this.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8143780.stm

In case you cant be asked to read that link thingy let me explain that during a poll of 4,500 hoteliers by Expedia the French were the worst in the world, coming across as penny-pinching, rude and refusing to even try and speak any other language………………….and that’s a shame.

They live in such a beautiful country ………ok, the women don’t shave their armpits and you need to bribe a taxi driver with something from Cartier to get him to take you to your hotel.

They don’t seem to do cruises………..certainly not on Carnival that much and with good reason. Does God leave heaven every August and take a vacation in hell? No. Well, why would anyone go abroad if they live in France…………….it is a stunnuigly beautiful place?

The fact of the matter is that the French are not the worst tourists……………no……………don’t faint……………yes, I am sticking up for them………….certainly in my experience from years on ships………………the Russians are the worst tourists in the world. Of course, they spent most of their childhood eating their own hair and trying not to be tortured so who can blame them for exploding onto the Carnival ship’s with their Versace sunglasses and extraordinarily tight Speedos.

The only problem is that they all look so sinister with their pasty complexions and their special forces tattoos. You get the impression when they look at you that they’re imagining what you would look like with no head.

A complaining passenger from Paris may smell and treat you like ” merde ” ……………but a a Russian passenger would happily garnish your Chocolate Melting Cake with a dash of polonium posion if he doesn’t get late sitting dinner…………………so given the choice between sailing with Sergei or Jean Claude……………the snail eating soapless white flag waving French mate JC wins by Le Mile.

See you on Sunday with a quick post from Jaime and I will be back on Monday.

Goodnight
Your friend
John

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.