Boo!

October 30, 2009 -

John Heald

So, the ship is now in full Halloween mode and last night we had the first of the Camp Carnival trick or treat sessions. Now, rather than have the kids randomly knock on cabin doors asking for candy and waking up Mr. and Mrs. Grumpy from their afternoon nap, we do this in the lounges. Each lounge has a department head and staff manning it ready to hand out the candy provided by our sponsor M and M or W and W as they are called in Australia. As Oct 31 is on the last night of the cruise we decided to give the kids a huge sugar rush tonight and then let them have two days to come down from their Twix and Mars bars high.
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Tattoos, Horoscopes And Bugger All For Breakfast

October 29, 2009 -

John Heald

Well…..I have no words. Heidi is going to get a tattoo………on the side of her ankle ……a small heart……with Kye’s name written through it. Apparently it’s cute and “all the Mum’s are doing it”…………..well all the Dads are going out on Friday nights and having Latvian women do the hokey pokey on their laps………so I guess I can as well then.

I know I am old fashioned but come on…………back in the day, tattoos used to demonstrate that you had been in prison or the navy, but now pretty well everyone I ever see has some kind of art work peeping out of the back of their pants. “Everyone has tattoos these days,” cried my wife down the phone yesterday.
Oh really……….everyone has one do they? Do I have a great white shark with the President of France clenched between huge bloody teeth tattooed on my arse…… of course I don’t.
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Breakfast In New York

October 28, 2009 -

John Heald

You may have read in the blog of a few days ago a comment from someone who had recently cruised and had found that on most nights the parents of two children had left them in the cabin alone until late in the night. Of course…………the noise they made was worthy of a phone call to the Guest Services Desk. Strange then that I should wake up this morning and as I sat reading the incident report………in my underpants………..I should find this comment.
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Mission Specialist

October 27, 2009 -

John Heald

I am not a big fan of eating at the captain’s table and whenever possible I try and avoid it like a Turkish prison. It’s OK when the captain or at least one other senior officer has the personality to keep the table enthralled but most of the time they don’t………..and that’s me doing two hours of comedy while my end cut piece of Prime Rib gets cold.
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Fun For All?…Well, Just Ask George

October 27, 2009 -

John Heald

It’s a great feeling having your photo taken and being told how much someone has enjoyed your show and that you are a good Cruise Director. It is also rewarding when you can turn a negative into some kind of positive and it is also very much part of the job to have to stand and listen to someone who regardless of what you say is going to want to tell you what I or the company I work for has done wrong.

This is the job of the Cruise Director.
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A Message From Stephanie

October 26, 2009 -

John Heald

Hello Everyone

This is one of the 343 Stephanie’s here. Sorry that today’s blog has not been posted as there are technical issues from the ship.

John’s blog will be updated as early as we can on Tuesday morning.

Thanks
Stephanie

Dude Looks Like A Lady

October 23, 2009 -

John Heald

So last night the crew held their Halloween Party. A bit premature I know but next week we have a busy cruise so we thought we should let them have fun………and they did. It’s wonderful to see them relaxed and enjoy some food, some crap hip hop bollocks and each other’s company. I normally do not go to these parties because I become the object of attention and am dragged onto the dance floor where I am expected to perform some whimsical dance to Pee Diddly’s latest hit. In fact, it’s safe to say that I would rather strap myself naked to a helium balloon and fly away.

However, I thought I would show my face as the Captain had “suggested” all the department heads attend and so because he is the Captain and Italian and because I didn’t want to wake up with a horse’s head in my bed………..I went.
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Sorry

October 22, 2009 -

John Heald

I feel angry at myself today and I need to admit that to you. Do you remember a comment I posted about a man who had complained that he had found ants in his cabin? Well if you missed that let me quickly say that a guest had stated that there were ants in his bed which after investigation turned out to be bits of fluff.

Well, I posted that comment and shared a little chuckle with you about it. Well, this morning I met the gentlemen concerned.
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Going On Holiday In 2010 – Coming?

October 21, 2009 -

John Heald

It’s 7:50 am and here I am in my underpants. You know, most mornings I wake up having some kind of plan in my head as to what to write to you all about. Sometimes though my mind is as empty as a Scotsman’s wallet. And on mornings like this………all I have to do is read the incident report.
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Grand Rainman

October 20, 2009 -

John Heald

So last night I opened a cupboard in the cabin looking for some copy paper when I came across something Jen Baxter, the glittering cruise director had left in there……..it was a Wee Wee game thingy. I plugged it in ………actually that’s a lie……….I called someone to plug it in as anything with a plug on leaves me scratching my head like Paris Hilton at a celibacy conference. Once it was working I was hoping to find a game in which I could drive an Aston Martin through the streets of Los Angeles stopping only to blow the heads off a few Zombies with my newly acquired double action pump laser rifle rocket grenade launcher cannon thingy.

But once again the word “bugger” could be heard around the ship as I discovered the only game she had left me…………was something called Wee Wee Fit!
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Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.