The Pits

November 30, 2009 -

John Heald

I had already answered today’s questions……..but had left the beginning and end of today’s musings in case I had anything to report from my flight to New York…………and I am glad I did.

This is my sixth flight in the last two months and at this point I would rather lick 357 Magnum hot sauce off Judge Judy’s thigh….. then fly again. The last three flights have been awful but apart from the bad service, rude security staff etc there has been little out of the ordinary to report………….but on this flight there is plenty to write.
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Merry Christmas…Already?

November 27, 2009 -

John Heald

Whilst getting dressed this morning I turned on the TV and as I was flicking through the channels in my underpants I came across ESPN2 which at 7 am had decided not to show basketball, football, handball or even the Latvian synchronized swimming championships but instead had chosen to show the sport of…………… whispering.

The whispering was being done by two “Rambo” type guys who apparently were hiding in a bush, all came up and wearing special forces camouflage and armed with huge pump action death rifles. At first I thought these were members of Delta Force and that ESPN were showing the sport of hunting Bin Laden………or the HBL as its known in the sports world…………….but I was wrong………..because this was a shooting a deer in the head show.
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Scattering On The Seas

November 25, 2009 -

John Heald

During the last few weeks I have arranged five burials at sea for families who have contacted me here on the blog thingy. One of those ceremonies took place ……….at sunset…….as the Carnival Glory left the port of St. Thomas.

Eric Gilson had spent most of his life at sea, serving in the US Navy for 29 years and then becoming a Platinum cruiser with us here at Carnival. And as the sun set here in the Virgin Islands his wife and family members said their final goodbye.
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On my way to the lobby to write today’s blog I passed one of the dancers who looked upset and after chatting with her for a few minutes I discovered that her cheeks were damp due to the tears she had shed because she wasn’t a professional table tennis referee…..and because she was a 23 year old dancer from Australia and not a Olympic standard table tennis judge from China ……… a guest had spent his Tuesday morning screaming at her.

Yep, the ping pong tournament had turned into a screaming match between two guests arguing about the score and the ping pong rules and when Mr. A Bastard lost……………. he took his anger out on the poor young dancer………………..unbelievable.
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Will Power

November 23, 2009 -

John Heald

Here I am on the Carnival Glory writing to you not in my underpants. That’s because the ship is the last in the fleet to get the ship-wide WiFi service which along with her Seaside Theatre Big Screen, Circle C, cabin upgrades and other fixtures and fittings she will receive in January 2010 during her dry dock. So, I am sitting in the lobby where there is something called a Wi Fi hot spot. Anyway, I will be writing much more about the ship and her crew over the next few days but for now I will just say how great it is to be back on a ship that Heidi and I delivered from new and despite the fact that she does not have some of the features I mentioned will arrive during dry dock…………..she looks magnificent.
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Mr. Zonis……Memories and Tributes

November 20, 2009 -

John Heald

Recently we lost a man whose hard work and endeavors were the backbone on which this company was built.

Here then are the tributes and memories of some of those whose lives were brightened by the incomparable Mr. Zonis.

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A Blog On The Metro

November 19, 2009 -

John Heald

Butch Begovitch is one of our young up and coming CD’s who many of you have told me is the “one to watch” and certainly his exuberance for the job has shone brightly here during our Cruise Director conference. However, Butch, as I said yesterday and like many of his colleagues is what is known apparently as…………………metro sexual. And so, purely for investigative reasons for this here blog thingy of ours I asked Butch what I would have to do to become…………..metro sexual……………………and what I heard was not pretty.
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Kiss

November 18, 2009 -

John Heald

I realize that during the last few days I have been moaning a lot about being tired and I promised myself that I wasn’t going to mention it here on the blog thingy today………….but obviously that promise was bollocks because as I sit here…………in my underpants…………..at 11:50pm …………….I have but one thought……………bed…………….actually that’s bollocks as well because I have a thought for Megan Fox’s bottom as well…………….but surprisingly it is not as strong as the thought I have for putting my head on the pillow and snoring my way to blissful sleep. Today’s conference started at 8:15am and lasted until 6:30pm.
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Talking Cruise Directors

November 17, 2009 -

John Heald

One of the many things we discussed today at the annual Cruise Director Conference was giving each Cruise Director their own Facebook page thingy so that they can stay in touch with the guests who want to keep in touch with their favorite Cruise Directors. Many are already doing this but doing so on their own personal Facespace book thingy which some expressed concerns about as their pages include photos of them maybe doing strange things with a solid gold ship on a stick. It was asked how many would like to have a company sponsored facespace page and while many said yes…………some looked on in horror……one CD had never even seen a Facespace book page.
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Valentine's Day

November 16, 2009 -

John Heald

I have been traveling and flying and packing and unpacking and changing cabins and flying again and taking my laptop out of my bag and taking my shoes off an putting them on and hosting dinners and doing interviews and performing naming ceremonies and freezing my bollocks off in New York and reading huge books and meeting famous actresses and trying to talk to all the people who want to talk to me and missing my wife and daughter and using the raspberry and not using it when the satellite went down and forgetting to take my diabetic pill and remembering that I am married and not to stare at the Latvian dining room hostess’s bottom and doing what Gerry Cahill wants of me and what the marketing people with beards want me to do even though I have no bloody clue what they are talking about………oh and amongst all that my hemorrhoids have been itching like crazy.
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Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.