One Of Those Weeks

January 28, 2010 -

John Heald

I guess because I have been traveling, flying and getting back into the swing of being a Cruise Director I haven’t had time to sit back and realize…….that I am now 45 years of age ……………. bloody hell………….I am 45 years old………and that frightens me nearly as much as you would all be frightened if you saw me as am now………sitting here in my cabin …………. in my underpants.

But there is no escaping it……I am 45 years old …….bugger! And examining myself this morning it is quite obvious that age is not being a good mate. My hair………well not only I am now as grey as a Russian apartment building but I know seem to have forests of hairs of the same color sprouting out of my nose and I guess it won’t be long before my bladder will cease to function. I am already making old man noises when I get out of bed in the morning or rise from a sitting position………”ohhhhahhh” I heard myself say this morning when I got up off the toilet ………….. although in my defense I had been sitting there for 20 minutes.

But the greatest fear I face is not that I might lose the ability to reach the toilet in time or lose my hearing……….nope…………’s that I might lose my sense of humour (spelt correctly). It’s all I have after all and as a Cruise Director and as a husband it’s the only weapon I have in my locker. After all, I am I know as ugly as an inside out baboon and if I lose my sense of humour (spelt correctly) I am well and truly buggered.

I say this with good reason because of a Larry King interview. As some of you may know one of my greatest achievements as blogger is that I got to interview my hero John Cleese. In fact the interview link thingy still sits proudly on top of the blog. However having watched Mr. Cleese on this Larry King interview I am so sorry to say that John Cleese is a prime example of the humour thing. I mean ……… minute he’s strutting about in a Torquay hotel as Basil Fawlty and the audience is reduced to absolute hysterics. Then suddenly, here he is on Larry King’s show talking about divorce, psychology and his love of Mr. Obama. I sat there……waiting for his brilliant and incomparable sense of humour (spelt correctly) to come bursting through…….. just one joke……… quick sarcastic funny……….but no ………. nothing………. bugger all …………… just doom and bloody gloom and political bollocks.

I knew that when Carnival made me a Cruise Director it wasn’t because I had any great talent or because I was as dashing as GQ model………….nope……… was because for whatever strange reason………………some people found my attempts at humour (spelt correctly) to be funny.

It was the same at school. I knew that as ugly as I was what with my hooked nose and bent tooth that my chances of rumpy pumpy with anything female with a pulse were probably bugger all. The only way round this was to try and make the girls laugh. And so, while the girls stood on the side of the soccer pitch staring at the muscles of the three-legged sports jocks…….I was standing nearby prattling on about a nun that walks into a bar and doing my impression of Mick Jagger. This is the last, and indeed only, resort of the ugly.

Let me explain………ladies………. do you look at Robin Williams and think “Phwoar”? ………….. no you don’t………. and what about Jerry Seinfeld? I mean come on. It’s nice that so many people enjoy reading this blog thingy……but do any of you think I am Johnny Depp in a fat suit?

So, if it’s true what they say that good looking people aren’t funny and that fat, ugly people like me are, then it stands to reason that humour is essentially used as a tool for whittling out a bit of rumpy pumpy that might not otherwise be available. And that brings me neatly to the problems of me being older.

No one, not even Michael Douglas can stand in front of a mirror, naked, and think…….. “mmmm, yeah , no wonder Catherine Zeta Jones wants me.” I stood naked in front of my mirror this morning and thought “How the bloody hell did that beach ball get inside my stomach?”

Luckily despite the hair in my nose, the beach ball in my stomach and the hemorrhoids in my bottom I still have my sense of humour (spelt correctly) and if I ever loose it I will leave Carnival Cruise Lines and become an Cruise Director for RCI.

Time for today’s questions……………….away we go.

Samantha Garrett Asked:
Hi John–Pls reply.

I am sailing on Carnival Spirit March 27, 2010 for my 30th birthday and I was wondering if you could tell me which nights are the formal nights for this sailing. I’m looking to get reservations at the Supper Club, but not on a formal night to celebrate my 30th!
Thanks John!
Sam 🙂

John Says:
Hello Sam

It will not be too long before you are on the Carnival Spirit and enjoying this beautiful ship and having loads of fun. The cruise elegant night is on the second evening of the cruise so hopefully this will hopefully help you decide what night to book your Steakhouse reservation. If you need help with anything else please let me know.
Best wishes

Lori Oates Asked:
John, Please reply if you wish

It was a pleasure meeting you at the Dream Inauguration Party. I didn’t get to talk to you as much as I would have liked but you were very busy. I just got off my wonderful Freedom cruise. I must say that being on a ship on New Years is absolutely fantastic. That is the best New Year’s Eve I have ever had. My family was with me and I was doing one of my favorite things, cruising. Thank you very much. Wee Jimmy is terrific. The ship had an unfortunate incident during our last sea day and he and the crew handled that incident very well. It is not every day that the Coast Guard hovers over your ship to evacuate a passenger. Well done by everyone involved. They kept the guests informed of everything happening the entire time. We all appreciated that. God Speed to the family of the gentleman airlifted off the ship.
As far as Carnival commercial songs how about: Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung.

Keep up the great work. 193 days until my next cruise!!

John Says:
Hello Lori

It was my pleasure to meet you and sorry that it was a brief encounter but it was as you saw a very busy time. I was so happy to read about your experiences on the Carnival Freedom and that it was a fun way to welcome in 2010. Thank you for paying homage to the crew and the wonderful work of the men and women of the United States Coast Guard. They are often the forgotten branch of those who protect us and it’s always good to be reminded of the extraordinary work they do. I hope that the guest who was evacuated from the ship made a full recovery. I will make sure that the ship sees your words of praise. Thanks for the kind words and that great song suggestion.
Best wishes

Lorie Asked:
Dear John (please reply),

My husband and I were on the cruise from the 2001 Bedtime video you posted from YouTube. We are both retired musician/entertainers and never laughed so hard as we did when watching this skit live, you truly showed one of the greatest displays of courage we’ve ever seen! Having dealt with characters myself, it’s always fun to see what people will come up and that show was absolutely priceless! It’s one to share with the masses, I dare say if you posted it on Carnivals main page as they type of ‘fun’ you can enjoy while cruising, you would increase passenger count. John, you are a true entertainer and know how to work with people to get the most out of them. God Bless and keep on entertaining us!

John Says:
Hello Lori

2001 seems a long, long time ago and I am glad that your cruise and the bedtime story provided you with so many great memories and that those memories came flooding back when you watched the You Tube thingy. I will be performing the bedtime story again next week here on your Carnival Dream and hopefully it will continue to bring laughter to many. Thanks for those kind words and hopefully we will get to cruise with each other again very soon.
Best wishes

Mike Surzyn Asked:
John (Please Reply),

My wife and I have booked our 25th Carnival Cruise sailing on the Carnival Miracle (Feb. 8th). I called the Milestone Dept. (1-877-225-8477) phone number to inform them that this was our “25th Milestone” cruise (25% OBC) and was asked if I had a letter stating that fact. I said that I had just gotten off the Carnival Dream cruise from NYC on December 3rd (which by the way was a very nice time)….and had not yet received any “Milestone Letter”…..the person I spoke with then informed me that there was nothing they could do without the authorization number on this letter. I mentioned that I suspect that since we had just gotten off the “Dream” ship in December, and we are again sailing on Feb. 8th, that there didn’t seem to be much time in-between to issue me a letter, and that I would appreciate expediting a “Milestone Authorization Number” for me…..the person then went on to say that you don’t get a letter until AFTER your 25th cruise and the discount would be applied to your 26th cruise……is this true John??…..That would be like celebrating my 25th wedding anniversary on the 26th year wouldn’t it??…..Everything I read on the Web regarding this says it should be applied to the 25th cruise……thank you for your help in this matter John.

John Says:
Hello Mike

Please don’t worry. I will take care of this immediately and will contact Samantha in our rewards department who I know will make sure all is well. Please let me know if you have any other concerns and may I say a huge thank you for your continuing loyalty to Carnival Cruise Lines.
Best wishes

Roma Asked:

We are very excited to be sailing with you on our Carnival Dream February 6th. We had hoped to see the Space shuttle Endeavour launch before our sailing but have since found that the date has been moved to February 7th at 04.39.

Do you know if we will be able to see the launch from the upper decks? If so, will the bridge officers be able to tell us which way to look? Since this is the last year the shuttles are operating, it would be a great thing for us to say we ’saw’ it. BTW – It may also be an interesting line item to put in the Capers. I’m sure one or two of our fellow cruisers would be interested in it 🙂

See you in a month!

John Says:
Hello Roma

I checked with both the NASA website and with the Miami office and it looks like we will miss it. The shuttle is due to launch on the night of Sunday the 7th as you said and the Captain told me he doubts very much that with the ship’s position that we will have a good view of the launch. However, if the weather is favorable and the skies clear then maybe we will be able to see something. If that is the case I will of course let everyone know. I hope you are ready for a brilliant and fun time. Best wishes and see you soon.

Lynn Asked:
John – please reply

I want to know why Carnival does not have dance hosts. I just sailed on the Freedom and unlike Celebrity and Holland America there were none. I am a single cruiser in my 60’s and would not have chosen Carnival if I had known. My friend Jodie reads your blog and suggested I write to you.

John Says:
Hello Lynn

Thank you for writing to me about this and while you are correct that some cruise lines do provide Dance Hosts, Carnival for the most part does not. We have, in the past on some of our longer cruises provided this service but for the most part it is not something we have on our regular cruises. I know Holland America excels in this area, however based on our demographics and overall product Dance Hosts are not something I see us adding to our program. I hope though that you did enjoy your cruise and if you saw any other ways that we could improve the experience for a single cruiser like yourself I would be grateful if you would let me know.

Best wishes

Lee Whitman Asked:
Please REPLY

Hi John, we rented a cabana in Roatan based on the great presentation you make here but we didn’t have the best experience and I thought you should know that the presentation is not accurate (I presume it was given to you by someone else). The cabana beach is not private and when we objected to this, we were told that it is semi-private but that people on the rest of the beach are allowed to lounge in “our” area but that what we were renting was the cabana. Why were we given “Private Beach” bracelets if the beach is only semi-private? What does semi-private mean, anyway? It was a really unpleasant day and a fist0-fight broke out between a man who thought he had paid for a private day and a bunch of young guys who didn’t like being made to feel unwelcomed. Also, there are no IPod stations and the people there said they had no idea why I would expect this. I told them about your blog and they just stared at me blankly.

We bought the cabana rental as a hedge against the large crowds and yet whenever we objected to the large number of people on our beach, we were told there are a lot of people on the beach and we should be understanding and share.

John Says:
Hello Lee Whitman

I truly appreciate this information especially as the information I gave you here on the blog seems to be incorrect. I won’t comment on this just yet as I need to do some investigation. However, I will get back to you very soon and advise you and everyone on the correct information. I did indeed post the shore excursion information that we provide our guests and I therefore need to check this with our Shore Excursion Department in Miami before I comment further. I will though certainly apologize that your experience was not as expected and I hope that this did not spoil your overall enjoyment of your cruise vacation. I will be back to you soon.
Best wishes

Kevin J Asked:
Hi John, Please reply:

Sue and I have cruised 7 times. We are booked on OUR Carnival Dream for Feb.20th We booked it with several couples, many of them first time cruisers. We are getting real excited to meet you as I said before on a previous blog. I do have a question for you though. We booked way back when you first posted that we could book our cruise on the Dream. Is seating in the dining room where you are seated based on early booking? On one cruise we were placed by the kitchen and there was lots of traffic by our table. When we sailed on Glory our table was front and center where all the action and excitement was. That cruise was our greatest ever. I think I did my home work and picked a cabin where it would be close to everything. My wife Susan has back trouble and can’t walk long distant, so I picked cabin 6290. As for a song for a new commercial, I think (I got a feeling) would be perfect. We always make a DVD of our vacations and that is a song we have already chosen for our DREAM vacation. Thank you for all that you do. We certainly hope to have the chance to have a photo taken with you on our biggest and best vacation ever. You’re the best.

John Says:
Hello Kevin J

Thank you for booking to join me here on your Carnival Dream. You will love this ship and I look forward to having fun with you all. I will certainly ask the Maitre D here to help you with your dining request and have provided him with your details. I hope that you have a great time and I love your choice of cruise song because I have a feeling this will be the best vacation ever.
Best wishes

Laura Asked:
John, (Please Reply)

I have not yet seen the newest Carnival commercial on the TV, but have checked it out online. I must say that it definitely shows how CCL is considered to be the “FUN ship.” Therefore, I think it is a fantastic new commercial.

I was on a previous Carnival cruise a few years ago where you were our CD. I remember watching the “Bedtime Story” and thought it was absolutely hysterical, and I did not realize it was the same every time. I just watched the YouTube clip of the 2001 performance and was rolling in laughter all over again.

I will be cruising on the Carnival Dream in March 2010, and I must say that I am EXTREMELY looking forward on witnessing this show again since you will be our CD. It is definitely something that you must continue to put on for the audience; I feel you cannot go wrong with this show.

Now I have one question for you…I’m not sure if this was answered on one of your previous blogs, but I was wondering on what night the two formal nights are on the Carnival Dream for the Western Caribbean voyage?
Thanks so much!

John Says:
Hello Laura

Thanks for the great news on your enjoyment of the first of our new TV commercials and I hope you will be watching the Winter Olympics where you will see the next fun for all spot. It seems that even though I should be writing a new skit that the Bedtime Story continues to be an audience favourite and I will be performing it when I see you in March. The two elegant nights are on days 2 and 5, that’s Sunday at sea and Thursday after sailing from Costa Maya.
I will see you soon and please make sure you come and say hello.
Best wishes

Susan V Asked:

I did see the commercial last night on TV during the new Bachelor and enjoyed it but thought that it was actually strange that they were showing a girl watching her Dad have fun but it was narrated by a guy which was very STRANGE! If they had used a young girl (teenager) it would have been much more realistic.

I have to thank you for signing a picture that was taken of you on the Blogger’s cruise for me. I work for Publix and one of my wonderful employees, Vince and his wife went on the bloggers cruise (which I told them all about) and had a wonderful time. He was bragging about you and the Dream making me very jealous that we have to wait until September for our cruise. He surprised me and gave me the mouse pad and wrapped up for Christmas my own John Bobblehead! I was thrilled and thankful.

My buddy Kim Harrison was on there with you and I heard she did a show for the bloggers.

My question is, are you still singing all those nipple songs from her show?

We will be on the Dream in September with all of our friends we met in 2008 on the Valor (20+ of us). Do you know if Todd will be on vacation at that time since it will be almost the 1st anniversary of the Dream? If he is, will you come fill in as CD so I can finally meet you?

I am glad you were able to spend the holidays with your beautiful wife and daughter. I want to thank you for sharing a few pictures with us. I know with all the crazies out there you have to be careful but those of us that are parents love seeing her pics.

Hope 2010 will be a wonderful year for you and your family!

John Says:
Hello Susan

That’s very funny. I am sure that others reading this who were not on the bloggers cruise have no idea about Kim Harrison and her nipple song. I won’t try and explain but hope they get to see our first lady of comedy for themselves because she really is so very funny.

I am glad you liked your bobble head and that reminds me, I need to post a photo in a moment. Anyway, I digress. Your Cruise Director for your Carnival Dream cruise will be my good friend Todd Wittmer and his assistant will be James Dunn and this means you are in for a fabulous and fun time. I am sorry I won’t be here with you.

Thank you for all your kind words and please say hello to Vince and his wife. I hope you continue to enjoy the blog thingy and please let me know if you need anything else
Best wishes

That’s all for today. Slowly…….very slowly……I am getting caught up with the questions marked for my reply. By the way, the total blog views so far is 5,762,099.

Just a quick follow up on a question from yesterday about the copyright of the photos purchased from onboard. A blogger (Sunny Daze) had asked about this and so I asked one of our Vice Presidents and here is his reply:


Carnival holds the copyright of all images and we do not release the image rights unless someone wants to reproduce for a book or other similar usage.

“We sell copies of images while you are onboard your cruise and moving forward are considering offering copies in smaller sizes on board”.


I hope that helps and I know that Bob and his department will have lots of news regarding our photo operation this year and I will of course share that news with you all as soon as I get it.

As you know I am a huge fan of our supper clubs or Steakhouses as we know call them. Well now I have found something that I am just a big a fan of as I am the Steakhouse experience. Currently we do this on your Carnival Dream and the Carnival Ecstasy and I am talking about ……………….the Chef’s Table.

This gives our guests a truly up close and personal look at the galley operation, a chance to meet one on one with our Executive Head Chef, enjoy a culinary journey prepared exclusively by him and that is served in the galley during operation.

The night starts off with a champagne reception in the piano bar where along with champagne and hors d’ oeuvres the guests have a chance to meet each other and make new friends. Now this is exclusively presented to just 12 guests and those 12 will then be visited at the reception by the Chef who will explain the menu as well as telling them about the food operation on board.

Then it’s off to the galley which is buzzing as waiters and assistant waiters collect food from the chefs and cooks who are busy preparing food for all the guests on the late sitting dinner.

Guests are then seated at the specially designed table that provides views of the galley in full flow as well as a chance to see the chef and his team preparing the culinary delights that they are about to feast upon. The menu is not only unique but a copy of the menu is given to each guest. It contains their name and the date of their dining and is along with the complimentary photo they receive a wonderful memory of this super experience.

So, what did the guests I met last night enjoy? Well, here is their menu.

Sound marvelous doesn’t it? Yes, there is a charge of $75 but from the comments I heard and the words that I read on the special review card we encourage the guests to complete……..this is an experience worth every single penny……and then some.

I hope that we add the Chef’s Table Experience to other ships in the Carnival fleet. Here are some photos from last night and a photo of the man doing the cooking……Chef Roshan D’souza.

It’s time for me to get with my assistant Craig and finalize the schedules and meet with the department heads. I am so glad Carnival has given me this extra member of staff in Craig because with a staff of 80 and 4,000 guests to look after I couldn’t be a visible CD and continue to blog without him. Craig will carry the CD phone and take care of the department and the numerous e-mails, etc. that flood my computer each and every day. Obviously I still am in charge of the department which means everything that happens is my responsibility but having Craig take care of the day to day bollocks means that I can blog and be on stage and amongst the guests.

Well we were supposed to be in Costa Maya…… today but we are not. This is because of very high winds and swells which the captain decided meant that trying to dock the ship there would have been too dangerous. The pier at Costa Maya is very exposed meaning there is no harbor protection and obviously the safety of the ship and those onboard has to be the top priority. Todd made an announcement at 7:45am letting everyone know and then he and his team began planning additional activities.

Guests only had to look out of their windows to look at the sea conditions to understand why Captain Marino made the decision not to dock there and of course……everyone understands ……………. well………….nearly everyone. The Ocean Plaza is as I have said the heart beat of the ship and while standing there with Craig this morning I overheard a guest having a good old rant at a crew member. He was waving his finger up and down in time suggesting loudly to that Carnival had canceled the port so that we could make more money in the casino.

Now, I wish that this was the first time I had heard this but it isn’t. Over the years weather, technical problems and bad planning (when this ship missed San Juan) have meant that we have missed ports of call. But, to suggest that we do this on purpose…… create revenue……… total and utter bollocks.

And as I watched this older man have a good old moan I decided to step in because the crew member he was shouting at………was called…..Rozanna……a bar waitress…….from Belarus.

Why would this man think that she deserved to be spoken to in that manner. OK, he’s upset……. fair one. But go to the Guest Services Desk or find someone in a white uniform …..that’s what they are there for.

Well, I had seen and heard enough and even though I was dressed casually… no ….not just in my underpants……I walked over to the guest and introduced myself as the Senior Cruise Director and thanking Roxanna I invited her to go back to setting up the bar and invited the guest to come and sit with Craig and I.

He did and I would love to say that after the 20 minutes we spent talking he realized that his accusations were nonsense but………..he didn’t. He truly believes that we did this on purpose. After we had finished talking I went to my cabin to get my lap top dancer computer and then ……….. on the way to the conference room to write to you I saw this man again……this time shouting at one of the casino employees who was on his way to work. It’s hard to describe this guest…….. Imagine mating a Parisian waiter and Judge Judy and you get some idea of how unbelievably rude this guest was. I had seen enough and this time I took the guest straight to the Guest Services Desk and asked one of the officers there to document his concerns.

Anyway, it’s a day at sea and the wind has also affected the Carnival Glory who had to cancel her call at Mahogany Bay and go to the old pier at Isla Roatan instead. And I am hearing that the Carnival Miracle had an unfortunate incident when she nudged the pier in St. Kitts this morning. There are no reported injuries but it has left quite a mark I understand on the port side forward of the vessel. I guess its been one of those weeks. I guess it’s been one of those weeks.

On a similar note I wanted to mention again how sorry we were about the Carnival Destiny’s technical problems that gave us no other option but to put the ship into dry dock. Apologies of course go to those whose cruises planned for the week where the ship will be out of service and of course to those guests who were onboard when the problems arose.

I am sure there were many guests who in this case had every right to be disappointed and upset, however, it was wonderful this morning to receive this posting from a blogger who was onboard when this situation occurred. Here is her story.

Hi John,
Just back from my daughter’s first cruise! I’m not sure if you remember me but I took you up on the offer to help out those of us with special needs kids and I must thank you! We sailed the Jan. 16 tour to Nassau (aka Western) on the Destiny but had a wonderful time!!!

The staff on this ship are to be commended for grace under fire. All, and I mean all, continually greeted my family and I with a smile and a hello. It had to have been very tough on them as it was apparent that some guests weren’t happy but they were smiling! And so was I.

I am not emailing you to talk all of that though but I had to mention their smiles and graciousness The reason I am contacting you is to ask for your help in recognizing some VERY special staffers onboard who helped make my daughter a Princess for a week. They need to named specifically and I’m hoping you can give me a contact or forward this letter on so the management realizes what special people they have onboard this ship. I would also love to contact them myself again, if possible.

First and foremost – Guest services supervisor, Aleksandar K. from Croatia deserves a huge commendation! He greeted as we headed up the gangway to embark and was always available for all of my silly questions. Thank you Aleks, you helped make this cruise very special.

Next – Maitre d’ of the Universe dining room, Vinod! Amazing man who called our room daily to check on what my daughter needed. He made special arrangements with room service to have anything she wanted available and I truly thank him for that.

I wish we had been able to use the dining room more but it was just too loud for my child. The waiter for our table was an absolute sweetheart and teddy bear. I, sadly, cannot remember his name (and I greatly apologize to him for that) but we had table 302 and he was from St. Vincent. Big hugs to him ))

Our room steward Marta who seemed almost upset that she wasn’t able to clean our room as often as she thought she should have!! If anyone knows autism, they will understand how our kids need a safe, quiet ‘home’ and our room became that for my daughter. She did an amazing job of rushing to our room to take care of things when we did get my daughter out and best of all, we always had 3 towel animals, one for each person nightly She was a sweetie!

Youth Director, Alison and her staff – although we never talked my child into using their facilities, they greeted her by name, came to our room to say hello and gave her a Carnival backpack with some goodies inside.

To end, I must say I love this ship. My daughter enjoyed her time on the ‘big boat’ as did I. We just needed a few more days there to really get her out of the room since she announced she finally needed to go swimming after we packed on our last night … no worries though since we did go up to the kiddie pool that night and she had a blast!!! If they hadn’t made us leave the next morning, we would have been a fixture there that day )
Thank you John!

Thank you Miriam and I will make sure that all the crew gets to see your kind words of praise. I am glad I was able to help with the arrangements for your daughter and if anyone else needs similar help please let me know.

Tomorrow……..Friday…….I need your permission not to write a blog. It’s a busy day what with the captain’s meeting and then I need to watch the debarkation talk and then have a three-hour handover meeting with Todd. In the old days this would have involved the Cruise Director who was leaving handing over the key to the cabin and saying “see ya.” Now there is paper work …. loads of sodding paper work. I have to sign for every single piece of equipment, check all the inventories and then there is an entire rain forest that has given its life up so that men with beards and high visibility jackets can see that all the ships safety protocols have been passed onto me.

I will be back on Monday of course as we find out whether I can remember how to be funny and how to be a good Cruise Director. I will also share with you the guests’ comments which as always will include the ummmm……..sometimes bizarre.

Well, Heidi has now finalized her dates for sailing with Kye and the tickets are bought. She arrives on February 12th and joins the ship on the 13th and will now sail until the 6th March. She wanted to stay longer but needs to be home to take care of some family stuff with her Mum. I can’t wait to see them both.

I mentioned earlier today about the bobble head. Well, I thought my best mate Alan might appreciate a John Heald bobble head and so a few days before Christmas I gave him one. Sure enough he found a great use for it as you will now see.

Yep, that’s my bobble head on top of his Christmas tree and he told me that if I mentioned again on this blog that he was ugly or suggested that he wears women’s underwear ……….the bobble head would be replaced by my bottom.

See you on Monday
Your friends
John and my Ugly Victoria Secrets lingerie wearing ugly best mate Alan

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.