To Pee or Not To Pee

April 13, 2010 -

John Heald

I realize that the vast majority of people reading this blog thingy will not have ever had suffered the total misery of flying Ryanair. Most will never have even heard of this airline so I start today’s blog with an apology for talking about something most of you will never experience and that fact alone should have you all jumping up from your computers, ripping off all your clothes, standing on one leg and singing “Happy Days Are Here Again.” I would rather have the words “I Love the French” tattooed on my thingy then fly with Ryanair……OK, it would actually be a tattoo that says “I Lov”…………..but that’s another story.

Ryan Air is a low cost budget airline that makes Southwest Airlines look like the Seabourn of the skies. They fly from the UK to European destinations including the shipyards in Italy where we build the ships which means President Sarkozy of France may like to see my bottom ……………. because it looks like I will have to fly Ryanair again.

You know those lists that detail the world’s favourite brands, the ones usually topped by Carnival or Apple? I am willing to bet my favourite pair of underpants and its contents that nobody has ever said the words “Ryanair,” “brilliant” and “service” in the same sentence in the same way as nobody will ever use the words “beautiful” and “Norwegian Epic” at the same time.

There are so many reasons to hate Ryanair that there is not enough time for them in this blog. But let’s try to list them. The multimillionaire midget CEO of Ryanair Michael O’Leary is threatening to stop us taking more than 10kg of hand luggage on vacation. If we want to put a suitcase in the hold, it will cost £50 ($80) extra.

There are no seat assignments. The seats themselves are made from plastic …….. yep …………. plastic ………….and there is no seat back thingy to put your magazines in which doesn’t matter as there are no in-flight magazines.

The last time I flew I thought that I might open the door mid-air and fling myself into the abyss if one 17 year old employee tried to sell me a scratch card. The seats don’t recline at all and the passengers are expected to clean the plane before they leave which means they don’t have to pay someone to do it.

The sandwiches you buy cost more than our steakhouse and consist of two pieces of bread with a bit of ummmm…….ummmmm………pink in between.

The fanfare music they play when you land makes me want to vomit over their plastic seats. It’s like they are applauding themselves for managing to transport you to your destination without slamming into a mountain. The flight attendants try each time to start the applause off but nobody ever joins in because you probably have arrived two hours late, developed deep vein thrombosis from the cramped seating and with chewing gum stuck to your arse. Can you imagine if we did that? Cue music ………”Ladies and Gentlemen, John here. Welcome back to Galveston ……..come on let’s applaud and cheer because……….we didn’t sink ………yipeee.”

Now, I should of course mention the price of the ticket is ridiculously cheap and that’s why myself and thousands of other people put up with all of the above. However……… they are taking the piss……….if you will pardon the pun.

As promised they have started charging to use the toilets on all their flights. And if having to pay 1 euro to pee or poo Ryanair announced today that they are going to remove all but one of the toilets to make way for extra seats but continue to charge us a euro to go in the one remaining onboard cesspit. I will at some point have to fly Ryanair from London to the shipyard in Trieste where the Carnival Magic is being built. The flight is 2 hours and 10 minutes. I pee every hour on the hour and that means I will have to ask the 17 year old for a token ……….yes you can’t just use a Euro coin you have to buy a sodding token…….which means I will have to ask for one twice. How do you do this? Is it like at school where you have to raise your hand and ask Brittney the flight attendant for a piss token? And god help the rest of the passengers if there is only one toilet and I have had a curry the night before!

There is it seems no limits to how many cutbacks and ways to penny pincer this airline will go to. Listen, I know that we have lots of revenue producing areas on the ships but good grief …….. what’s next for Ryanair?

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain. We are experiencing problems and will have to depressurize the cabin. If you would like to use the oxygen masks there is a charge of 10 Euros. Please see your flight attendant for a token.”

Ryanair my arse.

Time for today’s questions………..let’s crack on.

Rachel the Librarian Asked:
Hi John: (please respond)

Sorry about bothering you with all my questions but I keep thinking of new ones to ask. This is a quick one though. I am looking into the post cruise transfer from the port and it says to book flights after 1pm…however, in the description it doesn’t state what time the buses actually start running. I asked my PVP but he couldn’t come up with the answer so I hope you can find out for me. I hate to think I get off the ship (Carnival Dream sailing May 15th) before 9am only to have to wait several hours for the buses to run. Thanks for all the help you have given me. I am so looking forward to my cruise.


John Says:
Hello Rachel the Librarian

It is never a bother to answer the questions so please ask as many as you need to and I will get to them as soon as possible. Please don’t worry about the transfer buses. They start running at 7:30 am as soon as we start with our self assist luggage program. This should give you plenty of time to make your flight. I remain at your service.

Best wishes and have a brilliant time.

Ken Stevenson Asked:
John (Please reply),

Checking out the folks who will be responsible for our next great fun cruise on Carnival Legend the 2nd of May, cabin #7254, we find that in addition to the blog of Brit Senior CD John Heald we’ll have Scotsman Wee Jimmy for on-board CD and Irishman Ken Byrne as Maitre ‘d. Who’ll be Captain, Sean Connery?! There aren’t any Carnival Captains from Wales are there? Will we be thrown into a dungeon in the Tower if we toast the Queen with Bahama Mama’s?! We’ve always been totally satisfied with the Legend and look forward to experiencing a new, to us, CD. We’ll miss Jen and certainly Yusuf. You’ve given very good reviews to Ken Byrne, it will be interesting to see what, if any, change he makes in the dining room and the Lido we’ve enjoyed so much on Legend. I still maintain that Joe Farcus should have named the galley “Merlin” after the legendary magician rather than the casino. The things the chefs accomplish are magical for a fact.

We’ve appreciated more than you’ll ever know you’re help in our efforts to avoid the embarrassment and possible calamity of wobbling through the dining room and/or joining a table of other diners who, even after the pre-dinner cocktails, are somewhat steadier than yours truly. Assuming Ken Byrne is in your e-mail address book as was Yusuf we’d all be better off if my wife and I were assigned to a table for two near the entrance for our early seating. Table #131 has worked well in the past. And this way we can discreetly ‘ham and egg’ it, she eats the olives, I eat the onions and so forth – and I get all the butter! My wife is already looking forward to the Chilies Rellenos, one of her Legend favorites. My favorite? FOOD!! Eating is simply a physical pleasure. I do wish though that they’d add a roast beef sandwich to the Deli menu. It’s available from Room Service on a baguette but we rarely eat in the cabin or on the veranda. Maybe it runs in the family. I sent my niece a copy of the sample dinner menu (linked to the FAQ) and her response was, “Yummy!!! When do we sail?”. They live on Florida’s East coast so I was touting Legend’s sister ship Miracle out of Ft. Lauderdale. Not only do we enjoy everything about the Legend but we’ve cruised on Miracle before, too. Overheard an interesting conversation on one Miracle cruise. Sitting outside Horatio’s Restaurant which is completely bedecked in beautiful ship models large and small and cut-away displays of ships and representations of the Union Jack everywhere a passenger asked a crew member working nearby if the many busts on the walls wearing tri-cornered hats weren’t Napoleon. He must be one of the very few who are unaware of one of the greatest naval heroes in British history. The crew member just smiled and went on working. Interesting to consider if he didn’t understand the question or just maybe could have said plenty but was too polite.

May it’s because the Romans ran all over Britain a few years ago but I gather that most Brits are much more comfortable with Latin than most Yanks. I’ll leave you with an old favorite, “Illigitimi non carborundum”. Cheers, John.

Ken and Lorrene
Platinum Cruisers

John Says:
Hello Ken and Lorrene

You will indeed have the pleasure and friendship of Wee Jimmy as your cruise director and the incomparable host of your dining experience Mr. Ken Byrne. The captain is not Sean Connery but someone just as handsome and debonair. His name is Captain Vito Garuccio and he is one of our most respected captains. I always call him Captain Canoli because he was the first captain to introduce me to the Sicilian pastry………that was before my diabetic days………..bugger.

Yusuf is one of the very best Maitre D’s we have but you will love Ken as there is absolutely nobody like him and I have sent your table request to him. Please let me know all about the cruise when you return and thanks for the poetic view of the dining experiences you have had thus far………..they were brilliant. I hated my Latin teacher at school. His name was Dennis Evans and I am sure he would have loved to have expelled me from his class. However, maybe he would have been proud to know that I remember that Illigitimi non carborundum means “don’t let the bastards get to you”……..or words to that effect. Our school motto was “per ardua ad alta” which means “through hard work, great heights are achieved.” I always thought it should have been “Sally Poole’s Titus Maximus.”

Have a wonderful cruise and please send my best to Ken, wee Jimmy and Captain Vito.

Best wishes

Sally Owl Asked:
John Please Reply!

THANK YOU JOHN for your detailed explanation about how to get to Ensenada from San Diego, and the Jones Act explanation … HOWEVER, my question asked how to get TO San Diego FROM Ensenada. Thanks to your detailed reverse explanation, we can guess that Carnival will provide coach transport from the ship, which is great news!

We guess that you purposely gave us an ‘upside-down’ answer because you think all Aussies stand on their heads to counteract the gravity of the Southern Hemisphere! Is that right? However, they train us the other way too, just so w won’t look stupid in England or the US.

John Says:
Hello Sally Owl

Bugger! Sorry, misread the question and yes it was a down under answer, sorry about that. But you got it right that Carnival will indeed provide the transportation in reverse so all is well. Please can you remind me a few weeks before you sail. Have a bonza time.

Best wishes

wil-da-beast Asked:
John please reply

When you have the time…..Since the Carnival Magic is just being built, can you ask them to eliminate the piece of square glass with lights behind them that they stick on the mirror? Hope that isn’t rude comment and not sure which bearded guy to talk to about this. Wonder if other people dislike this or am I being too picky. You know I am not a complaining person, but I just don’t get the purpose of this (is it art work on the mirror?) Your comment would be appreciated. Thanks ever so much for your time. My best to you as always…The Beast

John Says:
Hello wil-da-beast

Do you know that when I read this I had no idea what you were talking about and so I had to pop down to a guest cabin and have a look at the mirror? I see what you mean and I am not sure as to what purpose it has either. So, I am investigating this as we speak and we shall see what the beards have to say. I will be back to you on this soon. Does anyone else have a clue by the way?

Thanks for taking the time to write, it has been a long time since I have seen you post a comment.

Best wishes to all

Violet Asked:
John Please Reply-

I just started reading your blog thingy this past January when my husband and I got off of the Carnival Dream. I love it! I’ve caught on to most of your nicknames and jokes but the only thing I cannot figure out is, what is the 343 Stephanies??

Also, you know I read that little girls letter in your previous blog and I read it again today, I don’t understand how anyone could take that as a racist comment. It was just a grateful child expressing her love for her parents. You know what I think, I think the one person that took offense to it was only upset because his spoiled brat kids didn’t write him a lovely letter like that! 🙂

Syracuse, NY

John Says:
Hello Violet

Thanks for joining us here on the blog thingy. I guess it must be difficult to understand some of my humour (spelt correctly) so let me explain about the 343 Stephanies. There are a group of people who manage my blog thingy as well as the number one website thingy in the industry and each of them are called Stephanie. It seems to be the law that you must be called Stephanie or have a beard to work in marketing…… one case there is a lady called Stephanie who has a beard.

Thanks then for joining us here on the blog and as you can see it is one where I show the ups and downs of life onboard and I hope it continues to bring you enjoyment.

Best wishes and hope to see you soon.

Eva Bartolo Asked:

Hi John. I did find my email blog to you on the Jan 31 archive but it was never replied to (bad boy!!) Not that there was much that I needed but I gave you a rundown of our trip on the Carnival Valor and also I wanted to bring your attention to the exceptional service we received in the dining room and maybe you could put in a good word for the wait staff to their boss!!! (Details are all there on that email).

Anyway as I mentioned to you in that email as soon as the European timetable came out, Harold and I booked our cruise for May 22, 2011 and boy are we looking forward to it. Today however I realised that between May 2010 and May 2011 we do not have any vacations booked…. tsk tsk. So I passed by our travel agent and was looking at some cruises. One is a b2b on the Carnival Miracle Southern Caribbean in October or the Carnival Freedom. As I’m thinking all this I’m asking myself also that if there is a Bloggers cruise maybe we can take that cruise instead. Do you have any idea when you are doing the Bloggers cruise this year (if at all?) If you are you are not, which ship are you on (CD duties) around Oct/November?? If we are going to take a cruise we might as well get the most bang for our buck and see if we can have you as our CD. That would make our vacation complete.

Would it be possible for you to let me know what your schedule is around Oct/Nov 2010 as soon as you can I’d appreciate it so that I can book another cruise for us. Thanks John and looking forward to hearing from you soon.


John Says:
Hello Eva Bartolo

I am so sorry if I missed a reply to one of your questions and I am glad you wrote back. I do remember seeing though your review of the Carnival Valor and I did indeed pass on your fabulous words of praise to the Hotel Director there. I am sure you have read by now that there will not be a Bloggers Cruise this year but there will be one in February 2011 on the Carnival Glory, Carnival Miracle or Carnival Liberty. Those with beards are working on this as we speak. So, you have to make a choice between the Carnival Miracle and the Carnival Freedom. That’s a tough choice to make. The only thing I will say that Aruba is a must see port of call and the new Southern Caribbean run is excellent.

I am working on my schedule for the winter. It looks like the Carnival Splendor will be my home and again I am in the hands of those in the office to tell me from when to when I will be there. I hope to confirm this in the next 48 hours.

Thanks for thinking of sailing with me. You have no idea how humbled I feel when I read things like this.

Hope to see you soon then.

Best wishes

Tom-n-Cheryl Asked:
(John – Please Reply)

Thanks for your kindness on our 2/27 Dream sailing after learning of the death of Cheryl’s mother. Additionally getting off the ship early allowed us to make the 400 mile ride to the funeral with 10 minutes to spare… whew!

After reading your blog today (3/17) I noticed that you, apparently, only enjoy the Porterhouse while dining in the Steakhouse. I have also had my favorites in the past. After easily 2-3 dozen trips to Carnival Supper Clubs (Steakhouses) I have a NEW favorite. On the Dream (and perhaps now other ships?) they offer something which is not on the menu. It is a Prime Boneless Ribeye with a 5 seasoning dry rub. I enjoyed it on 2 of the 3 nights we ate there this time – and it requires NO sauces on the side. AMAZING (and perfect at Medium-Rare)!

If it’s not offered on other ships, then my apologies for not suggesting it to you sooner, as I realize you will be off the Dream prior to getting this letter!

Tell Heidi we said HELLO! I felt a bit sorry for her when we dined that last night next to you in Chef’s Art – as she patiently waited at your table while you made “the rounds” at some of the other tables. Then I realized she knew upfront that it comes with the territory… yes John – that’s the price of fame!

Again, Thanks for a splendid cruise!

John Says:
Hello Tom and Cheryl

I am such a boring person because every time I go to the steakhouse (which is not that often) I always have the porterhouse. I will though try the ribeye the next time because you and so many others have told me how fabulous it is. I was so sorry to hear about the passing of Cheryl’s mother and I was glad to be able to help. Please pass on my sympathies once again for her loss and I was glad to be able to help you both.

Heidi is used to what you described. Even a romantic dinner for two is not really “for two” because as a cruise director the moment you walk out of the cabin door you are “on” and obviously that includes the Steakhouse. Still there were minutes during the meal that we were alone and do you know, that was the first meal in nine months we were nearly alone. Kye was in the cabin being looked after by one of the Camp Carnival staff and as much as we cherish and love Kye it was nice to be alone…….well…….apart from the other 50 people who wanted photos and a chat. I hope it is not too long before I see you both again.

Best wishes

Benjazz asked:
John – Reply needed

There is a lot of chat on Cruise Critic about a passenger who died on the Ecstasy. Can you tell us what happened as many people want to know?


John Says:
Hello Benjazz

Yes, I was aware of a guest passing away on the Carnival Ecstasy and I extend my deepest sympathies to her family and loved ones.


Kerensa Asked:
John- Please reply

Your friend here from your ‘older’ sister company 🙂 Don’t beat yourself up too hard about forgetting John. After we had our twins it was almost a full year until my first Mother’s Day and my husband called his mom and wished her a happy day and even reminded me to call my mom and then not a word for me! When I asked him about it that night his whole face went white and he said ‘I forgot you were a mom!’ He ran out and came home with a single red rose and did all the chores for a week to make up for it. The best thing you can do for a new mother is just appreciate all that she does and let her know that you notice all the hard work she’s putting in and I’m sure Heidi notices that you already do that. You are a great husband and father and you’ll know when the time’s right to say goodbye to your Carnival Family. But hopefully not until we sail w/ you! Will you be on your Carnival Magic all next year? We booked our first cruise!!!! The Carnival Paradise out of LA in October. Our PVP Gary aka Gio was absolutely amazing and stuck w/ me for weeks while we went through numerous changes and options. We cannot wait but we’re hoping to sail w/ you next year. Any chance your bobble-head will be for sale on board this cruise? And any idea when the CD schedule will be posted for Fall/Winter? Keep your chin up John and by the way Herbalife my arse!! The way you’re doing it works perfectly for you and your life and I don’t think your reply was rude at all. It was spot on. Besides losing 30 lbs in a matter of weeks isn’t a healthy option for anyone, especially for a diabetic. Good healthy food and excercise (aka watching what you eat and running around a huge ship making people laugh) is the way to go! Kye is beautiful and thanks for sharing the pics (she inherited that twinkle in her eye from you!) and keep having fun.

John Says:
Hello Kerensa

Thanks so much for those kind words of support and its nice especially as you work in this great industry as well. I was pleased to read that you have booked your first Carnival cruise and you will love the Carnival Paradise. Please make sure you write to me a month before you sail with your cabin number please. The CD schedule is taking a little longer than I hoped. We had changes again this week which were totally unforeseen and I promise to post the new CD schedule very soon.

I have passed on your words of praise about PVP Gary to his boss and I know he will be thrilled. The diet continues, slowly and I again thank you so much for those terrific words of support.

My best to everyone at Holland America and my best wishes to you and your family …….oh and thanks for the honourable mention of “my arse.”


April M. Asked:
John please reply

I just wanted to say I love your blog and read it daily when possible. When I am having cruise withdrawal it is the perfect pick me up. My family and I have sailed 7 times now and 5 of them with Carnival. I must say Carnival has the happiest, friendliest staff I have encountered and we have decided to only cruise with Carnival after checking out a few other cruise lines. My husband and I are leaving out on 4/22 on the Sensation for some well deserved couple relaxation – the kid can’t be out of school. It would be awesome if you could send some kind of small gift to our room – E229 we will be celebrating my birthday during that trip.

Thank you for the blog thingy, I hope you know how much everyone looks forward to it and says prayers for you and your family.

Once again thank you for all you do.
April M.

John Says:
Hello April M

I am very glad that you enjoy the blog and that it fills the gap between cruising. Look out for a birthday gift which I will ask Paul the Cruise Director to send on my behalf. I hope you have a wonderful birthday cruise and my best wishes to you and your family.


That’s all for today and I will be back tomorrow. Those questions were from March 17th and 18th so still 3 weeks or so behind……………………bugger!

The comedy club scenario that we have on the Carnival Glory and your Carnival Dream has proven a massive success. For those of you who do not know what this is about let me explain.

The aft lounge on both the ships has been turned into the Carnival Comedy Club. This is where for four nights of a seven day cruise four different comedians will perform. Two at the start of the cruise and two at the end. They perform five shows a night with a mixture of PG-13ish and uncensored shows. This means that there is a total of 20 comedy shows on a seven-day cruise. The good news is that the Comedy Clubs have been met with rave reviews and we’re looking at rolling these out to other ships in the fleet. I will keep you posted on this exciting entertainment option.

You will also see some changes in some of the show bands as well. Some of the ships, including the Carnival Conquest now have the addition of a female singer as well. We have been joined here by a young lady called Michelle Fontanta who has a truly dynamic voice and can sing everything from country and western to rock to pop to…….well………everything. You see, things are changing. For many years our main lounge orchestras had to play swing music and the sound of Glenn Miller’s In the Mood was commonplace. However, the generation of people who grew up with that music are sadly getting fewer and fewer. The greatest generation has been replaced by a group I think are called “Baby Boomers.”

I have to admit that I don’t really understand all these different names for people of certain ages but having asked someone it seems Baby Boomers are a generation that never grew up. Like all teenagers, they rejected the values of their parents and buggered off to do their own thing. They have money, dress for their vacations in the same way they did when they were teenagers and love to dance and have fun.

In previous generations, people wanted to be older and respectable and dressed for the part. Baby Boomers look back dreaming back to their youth. Nobody wants to be old and respectable any more.

And as I mentioned their musical tastes have changed as well. We found that the popular big band concerts were less popular each and every year and so we decided to change the format a little. So on some ships you will see that the orchestras have an added singer and that will be performing in many of the ship’s lounges and bars. And instead of Glenn Miller and the era of swing you will hear some rock, pop, country and a lot more. It has already proven to be very successful here on the Carnival Conquest as it is on the Carnival Inspiration and hopefully soon will be on some of the other ships as well.

Last night was our elegant night and it was incident packed. First of all the Captain and I met two very disgruntled guests who really did not like the new format of the meet and greet being along the Promenade Deck rather than just in one area. The Carnival Capers states that if you …………. double bugger……the Fun Times states that if you want to meet the Captain then he will be walking the Promenade Deck 5 to meet and greet the guests.

This is different to the days of yesterday where the captain would be located outside of a lounge and guests would line up to meet him. Now, there are good and bad points to all this. The good points are that the guests know where the captain is going to be and the bad point is that guests spend more time in line waiting to meet the captain then actually sitting and enjoy drinks and live music. But I can see the guests’ point of view because in some ways I miss the old style captain’s parties as well.

Anyway, back to last night. The captain and I were standing by the Coffee Bar talking to this couple who were saying just how they missed the old formal night concept when we were interrupted by shouting and some very colourful language. The shouting was coming from a young couple and they did not sound happy.

“You f****** f*****,” he bellowed. “Don’t you call me a f****** f*****,” she said. “You’re the f****** f*****.”

They were now the center of attraction as the captain, the guests and the staff all looked on. And so it was left to yours truly to intervene. I quietly suggested that we walk into the elevator lobby and while the man seemed happy to do so the lady told me to “mind your own f***** business” and stormed off down the Promenade Deck. The husband shook his head, apologized and said that they had been arguing all day and that he was so, so sorry. And with that he walked off down the stairs from deck 5 probably heading to his cabin to hide under the bed. I truly hope they work things out …………….I am not confident though.

Apart from that this cruise has been wonderful so far. No fog, I am able to interact better with the guests since just everyone speaks English and the comments have been wonderful. It is a shame in a way that I only have two more cruises here after this one as after the first two weeks which were far from normal for this ship I am finally seeing why everyone raves about the people here.

Still, there are one or two ummmm……….interesting people on every ship, every cruise …………. take this lady for example.

Guest: Mrs. ————–Ref: 830916981A
Cabin: ——— Booking#: _____Added-Changed: 04/11/10 – 04/11/10

Guest advised that she was unhappy with the extra charges for everything on the ship. She said that he Travel Agents had said it would all be included. Mrs._____— was charged for items from the mini bar but is demanding the items removed from her sail and sign which total is $53. Mrs._______- also said that she should not have to pay for internet as hotels offer it for free.

Interesting. Either her travel agent works out of a booth at the local Waffle House or this guest is talking bollocks. Does she really expect the mini bar items to be free, I mean we do make it clear that it’s not by the menu hanging on the door? Now, she is right that some hotels offer complimentary internet but they have something we don’t and unless we get a 400 mile long extension cord ………….we never will.

Actually, that got me thinking a bit. I wonder how long it will be before hotels do not put televisions in their rooms and replace them with computers on which you can watch TV, access the internet, listen to Eye Pods, video conference and log on to all the Latvian web sites you want.

I am not sure how many of you read the letters I post here that have been sent to me for the Morning Show but I hope you will read the two that I am going to post today. Each day I receive 30 to 50 letters to which I read on my Morning Shows and then I send each guest a photo of the ship and sometimes a gift as well. The Morning Shows are fun but they are occasionally emotional as well. The two letters that you are about to read show the diversity of the letters I get and I have asked one of the 343 Stephanies to make these letters as large and as easy to read as possible.

Yep, the morning show………you never know what it’s going to bring. I made an appeal for the ladies looking for men and tonight the bus drivers from Houston will be sitting in the piano bar waiting for all the ships single men to come and meet them. I told the ship that they would be recognizable because they will each be holding a roll of toilet paper. I will let you know what happens.

The best comment I have had thought was this morning as I was collecting my cup of tea from the coffee shop on Promenade Deck when a guest told me that she liked listening to my voice because it reminded her of Prince Charles! She went on to tell me what a fan she was of the Royal Family. I never knew that some Americans were such fans of Lizzy and her royal family.

And as for me sounding like Prince Charles………….well………..I have been told I sound like Robin sodding Leach and the English one from the Monkees but never Prince Charles ………….. who in my mind speaks like he is trying to keep a peeled grape between his buttocks.

So, until tomorrow, TTFN
His Royal Arseness

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.