Feeling Horny

April 28, 2010 -

John Heald

I am at the best of times a news junkie of massive proportion and after checking my e-mail the first post poo thing I do is check the news. I read both the BBC and CNN websites and have CNN International playing in the cabin 24 hours a day. It is especially important to me now as we are a few days away from a general election where hopefully the British people will see sense and tell our Susan Boyle lookalike of a Prime Minister to bugger off. However, it looks like there is no clear favorite at the moment and that’s not good. And so I crave news and I must admit ….. and I say this respectfully………..I miss the BBC and Sky news stations.

While news readers in the UK are rather plain looking in America you seem to have only soap opera men with silver hair and women with blonde helmets sitting side by side at the CNN desk, having giggling conversations with each other about the weather in between commercials for heartburn pills and laxatives. I love the commercials, they are hilarious.

There was one for the United States Navy, a proud organization full of brave men and women whose commercials are written by a 12 year old. Honestly, the one I just saw showed a lot of big scary looking missiles powering through the sky. The punch line was: “Rocket science is so much more fun when you get to use real rockets”……………..good grief!

But I saw my new favourite very early this morning. It was a commercial featuring some men and women who it seemed were having nervous breakdowns over having to deal with cat litter.

“Never deal with cat litter again!!!” boomed the voice-over and this got my immediate attention. The ad showed a nervous looking cat entering what looked like a small white spaceship. Then a close-up showed a hand hitting a blue button. “Wham – it’s all gone!!!” said the proud voice over chap.

It was unclear whether it was just the litter or the cat had gone as well. It was equally unclear where all the poop went.  Only in America………the only country in the world where you get a new cat every time it takes a crap.

Anyway, our new Carnival commercials have been a huge success and I have read how many of you have enjoyed them. One of the features has become the sound of the ship’s horn at the end of each spot. The sound signals the start of a brilliant fun for all vacation and has become truly iconic.

Well, thanks to a chap called Lance, a blogger and the chap that designed the hilarious “Climb This” T-shirt has recorded the Carnival horn onto a file thingy which he then downloaded onto his cell phone and it is now his ring tone. Here is the file thingy and one of the 343 Stephanies will work on a way to try and get it to be a downloadable file thingy.

Here it is:

Ship Horn

Thanks Lance. So now when your phone rings it will remind you of all the memories you have had on past Carnival cruises and get you ready for the next one……..plus if you turn the volume on your cell phone to its highest setting……..it will scare the crap out of those around you.

Time for today’s Q & A – off we go.

Janet Sammons Asked:
Hi John,

I wanted to add to Melissa Woods comments regarding the future cruise credits we were unable to buy onboard the Dream during our sailing 2/20/2010. It was published on the carnival website that the desk would be open for business during our cruise. Most of us were planning on purchasing one or two credits while onboard. When we discovered the desk was not open as advertised, we all decided that Carnival would take care of us when we returned home. After all it was advertised that the desk would indeed be open. We also decided that instead of 130 of us each calling Carnival, we would have one person speak for the group and take care of it when we got home.

The one person that we let speak for the group did indeed call carnival and after several conversations with several people, he was allowed to purchase the certificates for himself and his cabin mate. He was told that since the desk was supposed to be open, and wasn’t, we were all going to be able to purchase the certificates over the phone. Guess what. NOT! We are being told that we cannot purchase them. I don’t think it’s fair to allow one or two to purchase the certificates and not the rest of the group. Some are very angry about this and they feel lied to by carnival.

I feel that because it was advertised as a ship that would have the desk open during our sailing, and because our spokesperson was told we would be allowed to purchase the certificates over the phone, that we should indeed be able to purchase them over the phone.

How do you feel about this?

John Says:
Hello Janet Sammons

I am very aware that there was indeed no Future Cruise Desk on your Carnival Dream back in February although it was advertised as you said on carnival.com and for this I send you my apologies. I will certainly plead your case with the right people and ask them to give this situation some serious consideration. A member of our CARE Team will be in touch with you.

Just so you know, it was the intention to have the desk open on the ship but unfortunately due to a last minute manning situation we were unable to have anyone there. In fact the two people finally arrived on the day I left the ship and headed here to the Carnival Conquest.  Anyway, I will ask someone to look at this and get back to you and I thank you for letting me know about it.

Best wishes
John

JANET THAMES Asked:
Hi John, (Please reply)

You were the CD on the first cruise I went on in June of 1991 on the Carnival Fantasy, You were wonderful. You were also on my second cruise on the Carnival Ecstasy for my honeymoon in October 1992. I read your blog daily or when you post it. Thank you for all the wonderful information. I now have my entire family cruising with Carnival.

I have seven cabin cruising on the Carnival Dream May 29, 2010. I have all the cabin crossed referenced for dining but if you could work some of your magic and try to get us near the back windows in the Scarlet restaurant I would be forever grateful. Our cabin numbers are 2374, 2376, 2378,2380, 6397, 1334, 9400.

Thank you for all that you do. We love Carnival. I have been on 15 Carnival cruises.

John Says:
Hello Janet Thames

Now that is weird. Here I am……….in my underpants……………writing to you a few days before I return to the Carnival Fantasy as cruise director since 1991 which is when we first cruised together. I am so happy to hear that we had two fun cruises together and that you enjoy the blog thingy so much.

I have sent your request to Mr. Ante the Maitre D on your Carnival Dream and he will do his best to help you.

Have a brilliant time.

Best wishes to all
John

Takmom Asked:
Hi John, (Please Reply)

This is my first post…I’m a quiet stalker 🙂 I just felt the need to provide you with some great feedback and get a few questions answered as well.

We just returned from our 12th Carnival cruise on the Carnival Splendor. We had a fantastic time as always, loved the ship and the staff. They sure know how to throw a deck party…the Rock n Roll deck party was the best one we have been to yet! The other thing they are doing right is the final farewell party…they had plenty of wait staff in all of the aft lounges and plenty of drinks for everyone!!! On previous cruises this has taken place in one lounge and you are lucky to walk out with 1 drink let alone two! Although I have to say I truly miss the Captains Cocktail party…it just seems like a part of tradition is missing.

My only negative about this cruise is the port of Long Beach. As you know we are platinum cruisers, we had a nice lounge to wait in…which was great…but when it came time to board we were not the first ones on the ship. We were mixed in with boarding zone 1 waiting in a long line to get on the ship. Our previous platinum cruises were different, we were escorted on, in Miami even before the photo crew was ready! This is something I believe they need to work on. Of course we were treated very well by the Splendor staff and of course escorted to the tenders in Cabo…very nice job there!

I also have one comment about a previous CD. That is James Carleton…not sure if that’s how to spell his name…but he was our CD on the Carnival Glory last Aug for our back to back cruise. He is the BEST CD we have had to date…of course we have not been on a ship with you yet. He was very visible and always took the time to say hi…we felt like family on that ship! His staff also handed out trading cards…what a great idea!!! He was nice enough to have a set sent to my daughter that each entertainment staff had signed!

Ok so on to the main reason I am writing…I am the winner of the Carnival Sunday Funday free cruise. Now I have a PVP that I am extremely loyal too…have booked 11 cruises in 2 years with him…so I am not used to jumping through hoops to book a cruise. It took me 2 weeks to get someone from Carnival to call me back to answer my questions, now that I have someone to work with she is extremely difficult to communicate with. When I finally got confirmation that I could book the ship I would like it had the wrong date…at date that ship doesn’t even sail on! Not to mention that I am being quoted taxes and fees well above what I would pay if I were to book this cruise separately. It has been almost 2 weeks since she quoted me my rates and I am unable to get a hold of her. My hope is that by the time you get this will all be resolved, but I felt you needed to know the difficulties that I am having. I am a loyal Carnival cruiser and this in no way affects that…however if this were my first experience I’m pretty sure it would be my last.

One last thing…please tell me you will still be on the Carnival Spirit in November…or at least on the west coast! We have been on the Carnival Spirit the last 2 years on Thanksgiving and were so excited to hear you would be there. We actually have not booked yet waiting to hear for sure as I would be happy to switch to the Carnival Splendor if you were to be there!

Thanks for all you do!!!
Takmom

John Says:
Hello Takmom

I am very much looking forward to my return to the Carnival Splendor in August. I have not seen the rock n roll deck party so it will be very interesting to see what you and so many others have been so excited about. I am glad you enjoyed the ship and I understand that change is always hard to accept and even I miss the old style captain’s parties.

I was surprised to hear about the embarkation in Long Beach and that you were not escorted onto the ship. I am so sorry to hear this and I will bring this to the immediate attention of the people in charge of the program there.  Thanks also for the high praise of James Charlton. He is one of the select group of young CD’s who are the future and I know that when he reads what you have said he will be as proud as punch.

I was very unhappy to read though about the difficulties that you have had booking a cruise and I have sent your details to a vice president who will make sure this is addressed immediately. Please let me know if you have any further problems.

I will not now be the CD of the Carnival Spirit but I will be on the Carnival Splendor from August through to mid December. I truly hope you can join me.

Please let me know if you need anything else.

Best wishes
John

Violet Asked:
John Please Reply.

Is the shipwreck you can see just off the Mahogany Bay Beach on Roatan a real shipwreck or is it staged there just for an interesting view for the beach goers? I’ve been wondering this since January when I went there on the beautiful Carnival Dream!

Thanks,
Violet
Syracuse, NY

John Says:
Hello Violet

This is a good question and I have asked the port authority if they can provide me with the name of the wreck. I am sure it is totally real and as soon as know the details I will let you know. I hope you had a great time on your Carnival Dream.

Best wishes
John

Patricia Solis Asked:
Hello Mr. Heald,

My husband & I are long time fans of yours, we first discovered you on the Carnival Triumph in 2002. We will be on cruise # 11 in July and you have by far been our favorite.

So, my question is one you probably get quite often. Do you know who will be the CD on the July 7th 2010 sailing of the Fantasy?

I did a search of the schedule and see it is only updated until June.

Thank you in advance for your response.
Patricia

John Says:
Hello Patricia Solis

Congratulations on your Platinum status and thanks so much for your loyalty to Carnival and your kind words for me. The CD on the Carnival Fantasy in July will be Risa Barnes. I know this because the cruise director schedule is finished and I will be posting it here on the blog thingy on Friday. I wish I could be with you. Have a wonderful cruise and thanks again for the very kind words.

John

Mike Caldwell Asked:

John, we traveled on the Carnival Conquest on 3/28/2010 thru 4/4/2010. We had a wonderful time we really enjoyed all of the activities you had planned on the ship. We need some help on contacting one of the people in the Spa Carnival. We have misplaced his email address on some items we purchased from the spa for reorders. If, you would please have him contact us so we can visit with him so we can get the numbers to reorder and get the items he is supposed to email us on his topics he talked about in his seminars while we were on our cruise last week.

Thank you
Mike Caldwell
Cabin 1044

John Says:
Hello Mike

I am very glad you had so much fun and I have sent your posting to the Spa Manager who will be in touch soon. If there is anything else I can do for you please let me know

Best wishes to all
John

April Z Asked:
Dear John, (please reply)

We will be on the Carnival Fantasy May 3rd sailing. I know you will be the CD, but so will Risa. So, will you be the actual CD? Or is it another boring hand off week for you? I would really love to see the bedtime story if you can swing it, PLEASE. Can’t wait to see you!

April Z

John Says:
Hello April Z

I will certainly ask Risa if she will let me do the bedtime story. She is the CD and yes…….it will be another boring handover. Regardless I hope you will come and say hello if you see me wandering the ship with no friends.

Have a great cruise and see you soon

Best wishes
John

Marty Paul Asked:
Hi John (Please reply),

Jeanne & I are considering a cruise to Alaska summer 2011. Although I know the Carnival Spirit sails to Alaska from Seattle, I was looking at a Carnival Corp “relative”, Princess to Alaska. What intrigued me was how engrained Princess was with shore excursions and lodges, trains, etc up there.

My question, if you sail with another line, but it remains a Carnival Corp line, does it still count toward platinum? Or, do they 10 cruises have to be strictly with Carnival Cruise Line?

Glad you are enjoying your “hitch” on the Carnival Conquest. Unfortunately, this time of year, with the still cooler water and the right air temperature, this is fog season on the SE Texas coast. Being the quality company Carnival is, I’m sure you “rolled with it” (no pun intended…get it, “rolled”….”fog”). Sorry.

Marty Paul

John Says:
Hello Marty Paul

Well, that’s a good question. While both Carnival and Princess are part of Carnival Corporation they are run as separate companies and therefore have their own unique rewards program. I have been asked here on the blog thingy before about why the programs cannot be combined and with each program and scheme being so individual that it would be extremely difficult to formulate.

Princess Cruises have a superb Alaskan program and whether you sail with them or with Carnival I urge you to do what I have never been able to do…………..sail Alaska. I have enjoyed my time immensely here on the Carnival Conquest and (touch wood) I have only had the one encounter with the fog.

Let me know if you have any Alaskan questions.

Best wishes
John

Raymond Krygier Asked:
John – please reply

I recently sailed on the March 22, 2010 sailing of the Carnival Destiny with my mom. This was the 34th cruise that we have taken with Carnival Cruise Line. I thought you might like to know about the way Carnival Cruise Line should us how much they appreciate our loyalty.

– The last time we had sailed was on the March 13, 2009 sailing of the Carnival Miracle. During that cruise we received the ship pin and water bottle as Carnival Concierge club member gifts. From what I understand the water bottle was replaced by a picture frame. During the March 22, 2010 sailing of the Carnival Destiny we never received the Carnival Concierge club gifts.

– The past guest party on this sailing was held in the Palladium (main show) Lounge on March 24, 2010. During the party we asked 6 members of the bar staff for a glass of pop. What we received for our effort was nothing to drink. I have notified Carnival Cruise Lines about the problems with getting pop numerous times. The most recent time was in an e-mail I sent on March 2, 2010 about the problems getting pop at the (old style) Captains welcome aboard party and the past guest party. While I was on this sailing I was sent an e-mail on March 23, 2010. According to the e-mail “Our general policy at the Captains Party is that if a guest request soda, it will be served.” If Carnival Cruise Line is going to tell you that pop is supposed to be served that why isn’t it being done?

– The last time we sailed when there was a tender port was in September 2008 on the Carnival Liberty. On this sailing we were scheduled to sail the 7 day exotic Eastern Caribbean itinerary. Due to Hurricane Ike we ended up sailing the 7 day exotic Western Caribbean itinerary. On Sunday night we received a letter for VIP tendering for our stop on Monday in Grand Cayman. On Tuesday night we received a letter for VIP tendering for Wednesday for our stop in Belize. The March 22, 2010 sailing of the Carnival Destiny included a call at Half Moon Cay which is a tender port. We never received any letter for VIP tendering.

– Since the Carnival Concierge program started on the last full day on board we would receive initially receive luggage tags based upon out post cruise plans. Later in the day we would receive a VIP debarkation letter along with #1 luggage tags. On the March 22, 2010 sailing of the Carnival Destiny luggage tags #9 based upon post cruise plans. We never received the VIP debarkation letter or #1 luggage tags.

– The Fun Farewell Party was very poorly advertised. This was in sharp contrast to the Captain’s Celebration which was printed in the Fun Times very boldly next to that nights show. The only mention of the farewell party is the tear off section of Fun Times. I did not even realize that they had the party until after I returned home and was looking through the copies of the Fun Times that I had kept. From what I can tell by looking at the “Get Your Groove On” section of the Fun Times the party was only from 5:00 P.M. to 6:00 P.M… I am basing the ending time on the schedule for the Criterion Lounge where the party was held. The schedule for the lounge was:

Jazzin’ with the Destiny show band 5:00 P.M. – 6:00 P.M.

Karaoke party 7:00 P.M. – !0:00 P.M.

It also does not make sense that the Farewell party was held at the same time as the debarkation talk. It appears this is a deliberate attempt to keep the number of people going to the party for free drinks to a minimum.

On the positive side our favorite member of the bar staff – Katarina was working on board at the Flagship Hall bar. This is the bar on deck 3 in the atrium. We first met her on the March 17, 2007 sailing of the Carnival Liberty on the 8 day Western Caribbean itinerary. The first night on board we had gone to the bar to get a drink. As soon as we arrived she immediately recognized us and we recognized her. Every night during the cruise we made it a point to go the Flagship Hall bar to get a drink before dinner as we knew that she would be working.

John Says:
Hello Raymond

You know, some people think that I hide comments like this on the blog and that I don’t post the ones that are less than complimentary about what we do. As you can see…….they are wrong. It seems that the Guest Services Desk really dropped the ball when it came to making sure your express tender service and VIP debarkation tags were taken care of. This is just not good enough and I am going to have your comments sent not only to the ship but to the Vice President of our Care Team as well. It is only through comments like this from loyal Carnival guests that we will be able to continue to be the best. Please accept my apologies and someone will be in touch soon.

As for the Farewell Party I will speak to the ship and see what needs to be done to advertise this better if we can. The Fun Farewell Party is available on all the ships from 5 pm – 6 pm and is advertised accordingly.

I was glad that you took the time to mention Katarina your bar server and I know she will be thrilled to read your words of praise. Thanks again and please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you. Someone will be in touch very soon.

Best wishes
John

That’s all for today and I will be back with more comments tomorrow.

The other day I posted a blog thingy that included some details on what can be brought on board and what cannot under the new regulations we are now enforcing around the fleet. Obviously, with any new procedure there are going to be learning thingies and this is no exception.

I was asked by Host Mach from Cruise Critic about the confiscation of power strips and adaptors etc which are not allowed onboard. However, he brought up a great point and that was that a few people had reported that they needed these for medical reasons to charge appliances like PAP masks for sleep apnea, etc. Well, obviously these are allowed and I have had this confirmed by all the right people in Miami. Their suggestion is where possible to put these in your carry on and where this is not possible to please place them in your suitcase with a note attached to the charger etc that says “USED FOR MEDICAL REASONS.”  This may sound a crude way of doing this but it will alert the people who are looking in the suitcases for prohibited items. Obviously, allowing lots of electrical items to be plugged into the ships system is dangerous and can overload it.

I would be grateful if Mach would spread the word. We will continue to learn and we will continue to make sure that this process is as easy to understand as possible and when questions or concerns arise, please let me know and I will investigate the answer for you.

Time for a break and while I pop to the loo, have a look at the first of some photos featuring the Carnival Elation. As you know, Radu our senior photographer is onboard and he is filming the upgrades that were made during her recent dry dock. We start with the dining rooms.

More brilliant photos from Radu very soon including shots of her journey through the Panama Canal.

And here are two great shots that I wanted to share with you ………….here is the introduction.

Hello All the Stephanies and John,

One of the joys of Carnival’s port at Long Beach, California is the fact that right next door is one of the Grand Dames of the Sea, the Queen Mary. Sadly, she is not kept up as well as during her days at sea, so during the day she looks a little faded and dull. But at night she still shines brightly. These photos were taken as we pulled away on December 27, 2009 for a New Years Eve cruise on the Carnival Splendor. It was a great cruise and I’ll be back on board for the next New Years Eve, (I booked on board.)

Thanks for the great job of keeping us informed

Ron Maurer

Great photos Ron and they have whetted my appetite for my Carnival Splendor contract that will be here in August. Thanks again for sharing them.

There is no doubt that Karaoke continues to be one of the most popular activities on our ships. Every day our guests come on stage and do horrible things to Frank Sinatra, Abba and that awful Summer Nights song from the Grease.

I cannot go into the Karaoke lounges on the ship because people see me and try to get me to sing and honestly, I would rather have gas pumped into the crack of my arse and have it set on fire than sing a Karaoke song.

People think I don’t like karaoke because I don’t like music. On the contrary, I don’t like karaoke because I’m a music lover. Granted, there are some people who are genuinely talented but being subjected to a chap who has been enjoying the company of Jack Daniels all night singing some drunken version of Bon Jovi is not my idea of a good night out.

I’ve concluded that karaoke singers collude with each other, ignoring how horrible their mates sound because they fear with good reason that they sound as bad. Me, I know it sounds horrible when I sing, I know that dogs will be howling back in Galveston and I know that my voice sounds as flat as Kate Moss’s chest. I make people vomit when I sing………………so I don’t.

Yes, occasionally you get some great singers and yet ask the guests and they will tell you that for some rather bizarre reason that they enjoy listening to the bad singers as much as the good ones. I wouldn’t mind karaoke so much if it weren’t for the fact that people force me to sing.

Last night I went to check up on our new Karaoke Host Magda. Sure enough, the moment I walked in, I was spotted and guests started to chant my name and one tried to thrust the microphone at me and started chanting “We want toilet, we want toilet” (my name this week……John…toilet). Making a break for it involved running the gauntlet through overexcited, slightly intoxicated Texan women grabbing at me from every direction……..it was like a zombie movie.

Well, I am in a minority and such is the success of Karaoke that Carnival is changing up a gear and giving their Karaoke guests a chance to do something very, very special indeed ………………. it’s already on the Carnival Inspiration and will be here in May on the Carnival Conquest and then on many other ships through this year………………it’s called “Rock Star……..Live!”

This is a cross between a talent show and live karaoke. It is held in the ship’s aft lounges and basically works like Karaoke. You have a song list. You choose a song and then you sing it. But instead of singing along to a CD or taped music…….you are front and center, performing with a 5 piece live band…………..you are………..a Rock Star!

This has been a massive, runaway success on the Carnival Inspiration and so much so that it will soon be here on the Carnival Conquest and all the seven day cruises should have this by the end of the year. We have regular karaoke as well but there is no doubt that this live version is capturing all the headlines.

I get the strangest letters for my Morning Show. Have a look at this one which is surely the cheekiest way of asking for an upgrade I have ever seen.

So a very good morning from Jamaica where the sun is shining and guests are off exploring the land of “no problem, mon” I have had a busy few days with Chris Prideaux our Director of Entertainment who has been sailing with me. He leaves today from Montego Bay and returns to Miami and while he was here we finalized the Cruise Director schedule for the rest of 2010. It has now been sent to all the Cruise Directors and they will be digesting what ships they will be on. And then this Friday I will post it here on the blog thingy.

Have a read of this:

Guest: Mr. ———-Ref: 832071389A
Cabin: ____Booking#: ______Added-Changed: 04/27/10 – 04/27/10

STEAKHOUSE COMPLAINT
Steakhouse hostess called to say that guest Mr.____ had ordered a Fillet Mignon cooked to medium and had returned it to the server three times. He ate most of it but then walked out of the Steakhouse saying that the food was not good and he refused to pay. The other guest at the table ate everything.

F and B Manager tasked

F & B Manager
I called Mr._____ and listened to what he had to say. He told me that the food on Celebrity was much better and that the quality of meat was of a higher standard. He has since paid for one meal but is refusing to pay for his.

Yep, it’s my old mate Mr. Celebrity, the chap who hates my jokes and me and prefers the all dancing CD over on brand X. It also appears that he likes the food better over there as well. I wonder what else he has in store for us before he leaves. By the way, we have served a total of 308 people so far this cruise in the Steakhouse…..number of complaints…..1…..Celebrity my arse.

Well, it’s Heidi’s birthday today and she has my parents round for lunch and friends over for a dinner party tonight and here I am ………..sitting here………in my underpants…….alone. I ended up buying her flowers and silly balloons which were delivered today and as always I hate being apart from her every day………….but especially today.

Certainly there are days when I think of saying “bugger it” and going home. Last night, for instance, when Mr. Celebrity was telling me how dreadful I was at my job. As I stood at let him ridicule me all I could think about was Heidi….and Kye……and that I should have been at home with them.

Of course there would have to be some sacrifices. I wouldn’t be able to afford a car, for instance, and we’d have to move to a much smaller house. And there’d be no more expensive cigars for me, or nice clothes for Kye and Heidi would have to do the dishes by hand. And we’d have to eat stray dog. But the biggest loss of all would be my job.

Yes, for five minutes a day the idea of being home all the time, every day all day is wonderful.  But for the rest of the day I love what I do.

Of course there are times when I have to listen to guests like Mr. Celebrity shout at me and I want to go home. But there are times when I hear 1,000 people laugh out loud. And best of all there are times like right now when the house is quiet and I’m tucked away in my little office writing. This is not a chore. It’s called work, but there’s nowhere I’d rather be.

Thanks to those bastards at AIG who lost most of my life savings I have to keep working. Then there’s the question of marital happiness. At present I come home every four months fall asleep on the sofa and dribble slightly until bedtime. My wife is very happy with this arrangement. Whereas she’d be very mad if I were there all day trying to be helpful.

Furthermore, I need the buzz I get from working………. the juice. When I see people smile, hear them laugh and when they ask me for a photo I realise how lucky this ugly, fat British bloke is. And I know wouldn’t be any of that if I spent my days at home sitting in a cubicle in some god forsaken office.

I know that there will be days when I am miserable, days like today and of course on May 15. But then there are many, many more days where I realise what a lucky sod I am.

And that’s the same in most jobs I suspect. Take your family doctor for instance. He has to examine an endless parade of sagging, ageing flesh, but who knows, the next person through the door may be Megan Fox….and she wants the Doc to look at a mole……..on her bottom.

Goodnight
Your friend
John

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.