Apparently I Am Full Of Sadness

May 28, 2010 -

John Heald

Let’s talk about tips.

Guest: Mr. ———–Ref: 802012819A
Cabin: ——- Booking#: ______Added-Changed: 05/27/10 – 05/27/10

C –  – GUEST REMOVED ALL GRATUITIES

Mr.____ came to the GSD to request that the gratuities for he and wife be taken from his S & S card. GSA asked if there had been a problem with the service and guest said that he did not feel that it had been good. GSA asked for more information on this but guest said he did have time and to take off the gratuities immediately.

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The Plane, Boss…..The Plane

May 27, 2010 -

John Heald

Sodding cold!

I sit here, shivering and sweaty with this tickly cough and a head that feels like there is one of those rave parties going on in there. And I can’t help wondering why there is still no cure for the common cold. For hundreds of years people thought the cold was caused by being cold. “You’ll catch your death out there,” people in 18th-century blizzards would say.

Now of course men and women scientists with beards have told us that in fact it’s because nasty little bugger germs invades our body, has rumpy pumpy with other germs and then causes you to sneeze so that millions of its relatives can shoot up the noses of everyone within 5 feet.
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HMC = Half Moon Cay And Heald's Man Cold

May 26, 2010 -

John Heald

Paradise………..everyone has their own definition of what this is. For some, it’s a hotel suite full of Latvian women while for others it conjures up lying by an infinity pool while Megan Fox serves you Spotted Dick……..naked.

Yes, yes…….those are my ideas of paradise but strangely it probably isn’t yours. Heidi’s idea of paradise some years ago was the Maldives which meant that despite my desperate pleas to stay at home and watch TV instead……..we jetted off there in 2004. I will never forget how the brochure called it “paradise” ……..but trust me……….it isn’t.
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Conspiracy Theories And Rescues

May 25, 2010 -

John Heald

As I mentioned yesterday we sailed late from Charleston yesterday because we needed to pump in lots of fresh water as there are no facilities in either Half Moon Cay or Grand Turk. This meant that instead of 4 pm we sailed at 5:40pm…….and I made an announcement explaining that this was the case. Then just as we were ready to leave a big thunderstorm sat over the ship so the captain decided to wait another 45 minutes until the high winds calmed down.

Well, it appears that a guest has his own opinion as to why we left late.
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Green Day

May 24, 2010 -

John Heald

We start today’s blog with a quick apology that I didn’t write on Friday. As you may have read in Thursday’s thingy the entire Carnival marketing and public relations teams were in an all day thingy called a retreat. This basically means you had 100 Carnival employees who during breaks from discussing our new marketing strategies will have huddled in corners talking about Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, giga bites and Eye Pads.  Anyway, as they were all busy there was nobody to post a blog so that means I have a lot of catching up to do.
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One of the 344 Stephanies mentioned to me yesterday that I now have 3,300 friends on my Facespace page which is quite honestly absolutely bonkers. Anyway, it was mentioned that I need to pay a bit more attention to this which considering I have paid it bugger all attention should not be difficult to do. It was also put to me that I need to update my “profile” as apparently it was way out of date.

Now I never actually asked for this page…….but suddenly one was born and that was me with 3,300 friends. That’s nearly as many people as Tiger Woods had rumpy pumpy with ……….last week.
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Too Camp?

May 19, 2010 -

John Heald

So, where we were before I had to pop off and do the plaque presentation? Well, I was going to tell you how many kids we had onboard and here is the answer.

Under 2 Years 6
2-5 Years (Camp Carnival) 29
6-8 Years (Camp Carnival) 16
9-11 Years (Camp Carnival) 18
12-14 Years (Circle “C”) 24
15-17 Years (Club 02) 12
18-20 Years 79

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First Contact

May 18, 2010 -

John Heald

I Had a Dream

May 18, 2010 -

John Heald

My broken little toe has been really hurting and causing me to cry like an Oscar winner. So last night while I was answering today’s questions I decided to give in and take two of the pain killers that the ship’s Doctor has prescribed. Now, the last question I started to answer before I went to bed was this one.
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God…..I Am Bored

May 17, 2010 -

John Heald

Now and then I will get negative comments that my humour (spelt correctly) is not appropriate for a family audience. I am aware that sometimes I am a little near the mark but I am also aware of what I say. This means the comments I get are fairly rare…. except last cruise…….when I got 3…..3 negative comments in one cruise. Here is one of them.
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Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.