I Had a Dream

May 18, 2010 -

John Heald

My broken little toe has been really hurting and causing me to cry like an Oscar winner. So last night while I was answering today’s questions I decided to give in and take two of the pain killers that the ship’s Doctor has prescribed. Now, the last question I started to answer before I went to bed was this one.

D.N.A. FROM BUFFALO Asked:
Need a reply please.

John
I cruised on the Oasis last month and it was an unforgettable experience. Does Carnival not see that all the facilities that this ship has beats what the Dream has? Why does Carnival not want to build a bigger ship the Dream can’t compare. What do you have to say.

D.N.A.

So, I had already answered a few questions when I read this one and suddenly the Ibutylenlyodacainethingy that the Doc had given me kicked in and I felt as drowsy as Sloth that has just smoked a joint………..and so I went to bed.

Now I am not a dream analyst but I do know that they say that the dreams or nightmares you have often involve something that was prominently on your mind before your head hits the pillow. And judging by the weird dream I had last night………..they are correct.

You see, while I am not getting into what RCI ships have that we don’t and visa versa,………..I have often thought that the people over at Royal thingy were so jealous when Carnival won the bidding war to buy Princess Cruise Lines that they threw all their toys out of their stroller and said “right……..we didn’t get Princess so let’s build the biggest cruise ship in the world so that we can stick our tongues out at Carnival and go nah na na nah na.”

And I guess that is what caused me to have this very weird dream. From what I can remember, it involved the Chairman of RCI Richard Fain climbing onto the smokestack of your Carnival Dream with a shotgun blasting away at the news helicopters that were hovering overhead.

And if that’s not strange enough, Mr. Fain was aided by his comrade-in-arms who appeared in my dream/nightmare to be all RCI Cruise Directors and bizarrely ………David Hasselhoff……..I have no earthly idea why.

Anyway the siege was eventually ended when Micky Arison abseiled from a helicopter on to the smoke stack with a knife between his teeth and re-took what was rightfully his. Meanwhile a special forces team lead by Gerry Cahill took the rest of the ship and then set about waterboarding Richard Fain on the Lanai.

Now, I don’t know what the weirdest part of that dream was? One thing’s for sure………a psychiatrist would have a field day trying to analyze that.

One good thing is that having dreamt this I don’t think I need to answer D.N.A. from Buffalo’s question…………oh, and even when my little toe has stopped hurting………you can bet your arse I am taking more of those pills…………that was a brilliant dream.

Let’s get on with some proper questions shall we………..off we go.

John R Asked:
Hi John, (Please reply)

On our 2nd cruise on the Carnival Valor (in 2008) we saw the maître d’ almost every evening as he toured the dining room checking to see if everything was OK. I think the “head chef” also came around the dining room.

On the Carnival Victory (2009) and Carnival Glory (2010) we did not see the maître d’ except when entering the dining room each evening.

As others have commented, I also think that someone should be touring the entire dining room to see how the guests are enjoying their dining experience.

I continue to enjoy the blog and today I laughed 2 times out loud 🙂 !

Have a Great Day!

Regards,
John

John Says:
Hello John R

And that someone is the Maitre D and if they are not doing it they are not doing what is one of their most important parts of their job. It is rare when I hear that this does not happen and I will certainly make sure that your comments are sent up the line. Maitre d’s like Miguel, Ante, George and of course Ken set the standard and I am sure that all the other superb dining room managers can do the same.

Thanks for the kind words about the blog and I hope it continues to bring you laughter.

Best wishes,
John

Laurie Asked:
John, PLEASE REPLY

I read the comment below on your blog today, and noticed the writer did not use the John – Please reply – standard for you to notice, and hated to see their request fall through the cracks. She seems so sincere…

Thanks
Laurie

PS I love your blog, and can’t wait to get on board my Carnival Dream on June 5….woo hoo!

John,
My husband, my 14 year old son, sailed on the Carnival Dream on April 3-10, 2010. Had such a blast that we are going again on July 3-10, 2010. I can’t say enough about our waiter, Oscar Lopez, in the Scarlett Dining Room. He along with Asst. Cruise Director, James Dunn, are the reasons we are sailing again so soon. Since we are booking so late, we are on wait list for early dining. We very much want early seating and want Oscar again as we have established a friendship and just sent his children some items in Guatemala. You see, we went on this cruise passengers and came back with new friends. Carnival is very lucky to have these 2 individuals working on the Dream. Can you do check into the early seating as well as see if James will be working on the July 3rd sailing? Thanks again and I love your blog.
Jill, Kenneth and Lee Prater

John Says:
Hello Laurie

How kind of you to think of Jill, Kenneth and Peter. I didn’t see this as indeed there was no reply request. I try to read all the comments although there are a few days when I miss some obviously. Back to you in a minute Laurie.

Hello Jill, Kenneth and Peter
I am sorry that I have not replied but you will be glad to hear that James is indeed going to be with you on your July sailing on your Carnival Dream. Thanks for the kind words for him and for Oscar and I will be making sure they both see what you have written. I have asked the Maitre D to see if Oscar can serve and entertain you again.

Have a brilliant cruise and best wishes to all.
John

Laurie……….thanks again for your kindness and if you need anything please let me know.

Best wishes,
John

Theresa Asked:
Hi John, Please Reply

I was so happy today when you wrote about the ship listing. You really did calm my fears and that of my 11 year old son. We (my family of 5) are going on our first real family vacation on November 6 aboard Carnival Dream. Both my husband and I have cruised Carnival before, but this is the first time we are bringing the children. Daughter 16, son 12, and son 11.

My problem is the 11 year old. He is so scared that something is going to happen when he is on the ship.

I just wanted to thank you for writing of your experiences. I read these to him and it actually made him a little more ok with everything. I guess it made him realize that they really are prepared for any emergency that might come up.

Again, Thank you for sharing, love the blog, I read it every night, and Can’t wait for Our Carnival Dream to come true!

All the best,
Theresa

John Says:
Hello Theresa

Please don’t worry and tell your son he has nothing to worry about except what to do next……………Camp Carnival, swim, have an ice cream, go down the slide, meet new friends, play in the arcade and yes……….have another ice cream. Please remind me a few weeks before you cruise so I can send your 11 year old a welcome aboard gift.

So, have fun and tell me all about it when you get home.

Best wishes,
John

Joan Asked:
Dear John,

I’ve been reading your blog lately and have a good time reading it as you have such a great sense of humor. My husband and I have been on 2 cruises already as he’s won both of them. The 1st was the Fascination on Feb 5, 2007 and we had a fantastic time. We went home and told our grandson about the 24-hour pizza also ice cream machine and he started drooling right away and asked when could he go on a cruise. (He wants to sleep next to the pizza oven as he’s been drooling over it for 3 years now). I promised that he could go on a cruise soon, he just needed to get his passport and be ready to go. Well, 3 yrs. later his mother finally sent off for his passport and he is ready for his 1st cruise with 24-hour pizza and ice cream. (We booked the cruise so she had no other choice but to get the passport because she also wants to go). The sail date is the 5th of Sept. 2010 on the Conquest which we’re looking forward to and hope that they have just as much of a good time as we did.

The 2nd cruise we took was the Conquest on March 21, 2010 which was the best cruise that you could ever ask for.

Anyway, his grandpa’s birthday is on the 6th of Sept. and he wants to pull some pranks on him. My husband is usually a shy person and doesn’t like attention drawn to himself although my grandson said “that he is fair game on that Monday and wants him to have a memorable time”. So far, we wanted to know if ‘trick’ candles were allowed on the ship? When he gets dessert that night have the candle placed on it? Can we hang balloons & streamers in the cabin ourselves? Have the waiter slip a baby photo in his menu so that when he gets the menu he will be surprised. If the waiters sing ‘Happy Birthday’ can they put a pirate’s hat on grandpa and take a photo with the staff and him together? Is it possible for grandpa to get a photo with all of the showgirls? These are just some of the things that my grandson is cooking up for gramps. Since you have a sense of humor, I figured that you could give us some suggestions. Between now and then, we will have everything figured out so that grandpa can have a wonderful time. We’re not done with him yet!!!!

Carnival is the fun ship!!
Thank you for your help.
Joan

John Says:
Hello Joan

My goodness it seems that one chap is in for a few surprises when you cruise in September………….sounds a bit like an old fashioned roasting. All the things you mentioned are indeed possible and if you remind me a few weeks before the big event I will let the ship know and maybe I can send your husband something for being such a great sport.

I hope this cruise will be the best yet and we will set up a bed by the ice cream machine for your grandson.

Best wishes to all,
John

LadyJag (Laura) Asked:
Dear John, (Please reply)

It’s been two weeks since our fabulous cruise on the Carnival Inspiration, and about time I sent you my review. I think you should know that everyone in our group of 16 had the most wonderful time!

The age range in our group spanned from my Alyssa, age 4, to…uh…let’s say late 50s. Most of the group never cruised before, and only 5 of us were Carnival past guests. So here are our overall impressions:

THE SHIP: The adult-only Serenity deck was a huge hit with the adults in our group! They all loved the padded loungers and hot tubs. The Waterworks area was a bit of a disappointment, because the Splash park was “closed for maintenance,” the entire cruise, which was unfortunate timing for an Easter/Spring break cruise full of young children. The kids made the best of it, though, and even the little ones who were too short for the slides found ways to entertain themselves in the area with the help of a beach pail, a few beach toys and the little water retention area at the bottom of the slides.

I thought the Shakespeare Library was gorgeous, and used its beautiful views and details to practice taking pictures with my new camera. I also loved that afternoon tea was in the Rhapsody in Blue piano bar and the past guest party was held in the roomy Paris main show lounge!

One surprise, though, was that the deck plans in the elevator bays were not updated to reflect the Evolutions of Fun upgrades. We looked high and low for the “Children’s Pool” that was clearly marked on the posted deck plans…only to find ourselves back at the Serenity deck time and again. (Ooops!) My brain did finally click on, though, and I remembered that the Children’s pool was replaced by the Serenity deck as part of the upgrades. Still, it would be nice to have updated deck plans posted…and while I’m on the subject, perhaps the ornaments being sold in the Fun Shops that look like miniature replicas of the ship could also be updated to reflect the upgrades? (The ornament I bought also displays an aft children’s pool.)

THE FOOD: Outstanding! And plentiful! No one went hungry, for sure, and I don’t think anyone had a bad meal while on board. Hubby and I visited the sushi bar before dinner nearly every night, and 14 of the 16 of us dined in the Mardi Gras dining room for early seating every night. (The other two opted for casual dining at the buffet because they were too busy having fun during the early seating time.) Anyway, it’s safe to say that at least one person or another from our group tried every type of food venue available – sushi, buffet, deli, pizza, main dining, room service, afternoon tea, ice cream, the cafe/coffee shop…Alyssa even gave the gummy bears in the Formalities shop a try! Everything was delish!

SERVICE: Outstanding! Our head waiter/assistant waiter team, Nadel and Marichu, were superb! They both went above and beyond to make sure everyone was happy and well attended. Our room steward was…well, I don’t really know who he was, since we never had the pleasure of introducing ourselves, but he kept our stateroom neat and tidy, our ice bucket filled, and our towel animals whimsical. (Note that there were no “pillow chocolates” or Carnival logo pens in our staterooms this cruise, but their absence was not a big deal at all. In fact, our friend, Joel, visited the purser’s desk…I mean, Guest Services desk…the last day of our cruise and requested a pen to fill out the comment card with, and he received one without hesitation. So the pens at least, were available, albeit by request only.)

CAMP CARNIVAL/CIRCLE C/CLUB O2: Six of the 16 in our group were under 18, and their age range meant that at least one child was registered for each of the three kids’ programs on board. We parents loved that we could register our children for their respective age group through the Carnival web site before the cruise. This proved to be even more convenient than we thought, as the orientation session was held at 7:00pm….right in the middle of our Early Seating dining. (I thought that was an odd time for the orientation session, but figured the space must not have been available at any other time.) Anyway, all the kids had a great time with the respective activities for their age group and made lots of friends with whom they promised to stay in touch.

Hubby and I used the Camp Carnival baby sitting services one evening so that we could attend the adult comedy show, and were amazed at how little the service cost! I think the only one who could beat the $6/hour price is Grandma, who doesn’t charge at all. 😉

ENTERTAINMENT: I don’t know how “Ms. Nothing-To-Do-But-A-Jigsaw-Puzzle” could complain about boredom. I mean, no one in our group was bored even though we each had different ideas on what would be the most fun. Some of us attended the shows in the main lounge, some the trivia, and some just relaxed in the sun. Alyssa is a big fan of mini golf (although she cheats!), and I had a blast with the digital scavenger hunt and “scategories” game. Our friend, Joel, enjoyed the live music near the Violins bar. My hubby, Alex, thought the galley tour was really cool. If anything, there may have been TOO much to do, because I really wanted to play a game of laser tag, but was either too busy or too exhausted to do so this cruise!

MISC: I purposefully didn’t talk about our port experiences, because I think that what we did and saw on our own in Grand Cayman and Cozumel is irrelevant. I will say, though, that we had a great time both on land and at sea, and would sail this itinerary again without a second thought!

I do want to mention one thing that did not quite meet our expectations, and that was our table arrangements in the dining room. Our group was placed at two tables near each other in the main dining room – one table was set for 10 people, and the other table was set for 6. No problem! Except that a family of three – two parents and a child in his early teens – was split up across the two tables. In other words, the parents were assigned to the table for 10 with two families of four, and their child was assigned the other table for 6 with two single adults he didn’t know and another family of three which he barely knew.

We had a little confab among ourselves, though, shuffled a few people around, and made our own arrangements that finally worked for everyone, but it seemed really strange that a family, all booked in the same stateroom, would be assigned two separate tables in the dining room.
Finally, a comment or two on the new Fun Times. I found the layout much easier to read and absorb, and I liked that the tear-n-take daily schedule from the Capers format remained.
My only suggestion would be to make better use of the space to avoid the wasteful paper inserts. For example, one copy of the Fun Times lists the Carnival Quest three times, but the spa specials had only a generic “contact the spa for details” plus a separate insert/flyer. The daily photo specials were not listed at all (or perhaps I missed them), and the Behind the Fun Tour was advertised on the back of the shore excursion brochure/catalog, at which only people actually considering an organized shore excursion would even glance.

Now I know the substantial white space of the Fun Times helps with readability, but I think it would be possible to eliminate a little of the white space and the duplicate listings so that not every daily Fun Times needs 2-3 inserts to convey all the day’s activities and specials. Just a thought.

So it looks like I’ve rambled on for way too long yet again. Please forgive my long commentary, and thank you again for providing my daily dose of blog entertainment. Your jokes and humor…I mean, humour…always make me smile!

Laura

John Says:
Hello Ladyjag Laura

Thanks for that fantastic review which was superbly written and pointed out all the great reasons why Carnival remains such brilliant value for money and some areas where we can improve. I know that juggling 2300 people around in the dining room is not easy but I was surprised that your party was split up as it was. I have sent this to the ship so that they can see the good and the bad points. I was disappointed to read that the ship does not have new deck plans and you know what………I just checked them here and they are wrong on the Carnival Fantasy as well. Now, I don’t know if we have thousands of the old ones in stock and are trying to get through the inventory but if that is the case…………well in my opinion we shouldn’t be doing that as the information needs to be correct. I will look into this and let you know what happens. Well spotted.

Overall it seems that you all had a great time and that makes me very happy.

Best wishes to you and the family.
John

Michael L Asked:
Please Reply

John, have been reading your blog these past few days and it seems that Carnival has allowed you to be both crude and unprofessional. That though is beside the point. The reason I am writing is to tell you that I cruised on the Jubilee in 1993 and it was such a bad experience I said I would never cruise your brand again but thanks to my brother getting married on the Valor in August I have no choice. I won’t waste my time or yours with the details as to why I have been an NCL cruiser these past 10 or so years but instead will ask you to make sure we have the right tables together in the dining room. How do I do this. I read on the Cruise Critic pages that you can do this. Is there a form I have to fill in?

Please reply.
Michael

John Says:
Hello Micahel L

I am very happy to know that you are returning to Carnival after all these years and I think you will find many, many differences since you cruised on the Jubilee and I hope you go on board with an open mind. There is no form to fill in for a table request but please send me your party’s names and cabin numbers and I will ask the maitre d to do his best to accommodate you. I am so sorry that you don’t like my blog and despite that, I am glad that you found it so that I can help you. Please make sure you reply 3 weeks minimum before the sailing date.

Best wishes,
John

Hornblower Asked:
Hi John,

I love reading your blog. I have booked a cruise on the Magic in July mostly because you will be there . I am sure I will have lots of questions before we go and it is nice and comforting to know that you are here to answer them. Here is one for you now. I was recently on the Ecstasy and heard an announcement on the ship system repeating the word BRIGHTSTAR. Can you tell me what this was, please?

Thank you and keep up the great work.
Amanada and Rob

John Says:
Hello Amanda and Rob

How humbling to know that you have booked a Carnival cruise on the Carnival Magic in Europe because I will be there. I know we will have fun and of course I will be here should you need my help with questions or information.

As for “Bright Star” well that is our code that activates our emergency response team. It basically means someone is in trouble and sets into motion our medical staff and other personnel to respond immediately! Hopefully, it is an announcement we don’t have to make too often but as you know………….it is needed sometimes. You may also hear “sierra team, sierra team “………which is the code word for our stretcher team to go to whatever location was announced.

Thanks for taking the time to write and I will see you next year on the Carnival Magic.

Best wishes,
John

Janet Sammons Asked:

Hi John, This is not a reply to any comments left today but a question for you.

Have you ever had a thought process that dominoed into a completely different direction? Well, last night I was laying in bed thinking of what color I should paint my kitchen and what kind of curtains to hang. That thought dominoed into this.

I wonder how any plates are ordered for a brand new ship for the informal places to eat. You know, the plastic plates on the lido deck.

Isn’t that strange? But I would really like to know.

Can you help me out?
Thanks!!

John Says:
Hello Janet Sammons

It’s strange that how thought process can change as you said. I mean……just now I started thinking about how to answer your question and suddenly and without warning I was thinking of Megan Fox’s bottom.

Anyway, can you clarify your question a bit? Are you asking how many plates we order for our Lido Deck restaurants or where we order them from or both? I will work on the assumption that you left the letter “m” off the word “any” in your posting and have asked someone in the office to let me know the answer to what is a very good question. I will let you know.

Best wishes to you all,
John

Sean B Asked:
JOHN PLEASE REPLY

My family and I will be on the Conquest 5/9/10, sadly the day you leave. We are bringing our just turned 18 yr old nephew for a high school graduation gift. Has Carnival, or even the Conquest, started any type of Meet and Greet for the 18 – 20 year olds? I know you addressed it in a blog sometime ago as it is definitely an age group that needs something to get them together, albeit brief. Thanks and take care.

John Says:
Hello Sean B

This is very timely indeed. First of all I am sorry that I could not be with you but I am sure Chris Jefferson and his staff gave you a fabulous time. We have indeed been a bit lacking when it comes to entertaining our 18 – 20 year olds and so in the past two weeks a committee has been set up headed by our Cruise Director Gosse and others. They have been charged with planning and putting into action some specific activities for that age group. If you or any other bloggers have specific ideas you wish us to consider, please let me know asap as this program will be in place very soon.

Thanks Sean and please let me know how the cruise went.

Best wishes,
John

That’s all for today and I will be back with more tomorrow. Please keep the comments coming won’t you?

Now, a few weeks ago I had a blogger write to me asking why on other cruise lines that guests could take alcohol into the whirlpools. Well, I remember replying that it was a safety initiative etc but that I promised to send your thoughts to my mates with the beards.

Well, I do say now and then that what you say here on the blog is read by some very important people at Carnival and so today a memo was sent out to all the ships stating that effective immediately we will allow plastic glasses to be taken into the whirlpools………….still no glass cups or glass bottles…….but for those who enjoy a rum and something or a cold beer in the bubbles………victory is yours……….thanks a little bit to our blog thingy.

Let’s take a break and as I have said many times before here on the blog thingy, one of my regrets as a CD is that I have never seen Megan Fox’s bottom close up……….oh, and that I have never been to Alaska. And when I see photos like this I know that one day…………..I absolutely must.

It appears that the word “Radu” in Romanian means ” photo genius ” because these photos were taken by the photo manager on the Carnival Spirit Radu Camarzan and I am sure you agree with me……….they were superb. And my thanks to my mate Roger Blum for sending them on to me.

Well, it’s 9:20am and we are back on Eastern Standard time. I just returned from the bridge where I got see the wonderful sight of a flotilla of small boats escort the Carnival Fantasy into the port of Charleston. My friend Andy Newman was up in a helicopter as usual taking photos of the arrival and I hope to be able to share those with you in the next couple of days.

I am sitting here not in my underpants but in my suit because shortly I will be heading down to the Universe Lounge to host the pomp and circumcision that goes with the fi………………bugger……………sorry…………that should be pomp and circumstance……….that goes with the first arrival like this. Certainly judging by the fact that the Mayor Joe Riley and various members of Government are attending shows how excited the people of Charleston are that the world’s most popular cruise line is including their fair city in its ever expanding list of home ports.

So today is why I am here on this ship and I put on my Brand Ambassador underpants………….was going to say Brand Ambassador hat but as I don’t have one and because I put on my clean pair of underpants for today’s ceremony I am going to say that I put on my Brand Ambassador underpants. I will be joined by Carnival’s Chief Marketing Officer Jim Berra who will be making a speech as well as Captain Costi. An hour away from the thing I have no idea what I am going to say and have decided to just “wing it” as they say. I know that’s probably not the best way to go into this but I want to make it fun. You see I have been to many of these plaque exchanges on new ship’s first calls into a port and they can tend to be about as much fun as toothache.

Sometimes though I have to control myself. Last year I hosted two travel agent functions in California on board the Carnival Splendor. It was supposed to be an event where our President Gerry Cahill, Executive Vice President of Sales Lynn Torrent and Vice President of World Wide Sales Joni Rein were on stage in a “get to your Carnival friends” type of event. I was hosting this to a room full of travel agents and industry types and I got a bit carried away ………….and it ummmm………turned into 45 minutes of, well………me trying to be funny. And although nobody gave me a bollocking, I think I may have been a little over the top.

However, saying that, every time I appear on stage with Gerry Cahill we have had a lot of fun and he is the perfect straight man and has great comedy timing……….we are thinking of playing Vegas next year.

Anyway, I will report back to you tomorrow and let you know how it all went and slap on some photos as well.

Once all that has finished we will be on our way for our first cruise from Charleston. Here is who is coming with us.

TOTAL GUESTS ( EXPECTED ) – 2257

NON US GUESTS – 29

PLATINUM GUESTS – 19

MILESTONE GUESTS – 1

I don’t have the kid count yet but from what the Youth Director told me, it is not too many.

Anyway, here is our itinerary and I thought you might like to see the show line up as well.

Tue, May, 18 Charleston Welcome Aboard Show
Wed, May, 19 at sea Nightclub Express Al Ernst – late show
Thu, May, 20 Freeport Dana Tison/Diane Ford Deck Party
Fri, May, 21 Nassau Talent Show
Sat, May, 22 at sea Ticket To Ride Diane Ford

We are in Freeport until 6:00pm and Nassau until 7:00pm. As you can see from the show line up, we have Dana Tison who is a brilliant comedy juggler and a lady comedian called Diane Ford. I have never seen these ladies’ show but my colleagues tell me she is very, very funny. And as you can see, we have Carnival’s 346th best come…………..oh hold on……………..I just heard we hired a 15 year old boy called “Brian” who can fart Beethoven’s 5th symphony……………..so as I was saying we have Carnival’s 347th best comedian Al Ernst and that makes me very happy indeed.

Sorry if today’s blog thingy is a bit shorter than normal and a bit “all over the place” but I wanted to make sure that even with the hectic day ahead that I get some kind of blog to you.

Last night the “kids” which is what I call the dancers, and musicians along with Ugly Craig and the rest of the crew enjoyed a final night of freedom at the crew disco. Are you taking bets amongst yourselves if I went? If you said, “I bet John didn’t go” then your bet is as safe as a Nun’s underpants.

However………..Ugly Craig and the gang went and they all look like crap this morning.

You know, when I was drinking and trying to have rumpy pumpy with anything that was female and breathing I used to stay out late but I am sure that I never looked like the kids of today with their tired droopy eyes, multiple yawns and baseball caps pulled down on unwashed hair. However, now I have stopped drinking and stopped late nights and stopped …….well living some would say………..the older I get……….the uglier I look.

Surely, the best example of the difference between them and us is the Godmother of P&O’s Ventura……….Helen Mirren. Did you see that at the age of 65 and despite admitting to massive partying involving heavy drinking and other naughty stuff, a glossy magazine had her at No 6 in the top ten list of the World’s Most Beautiful Women. She’s got the “face looks even better with age” gene and I’ve got the “face looks increasingly like a camel’s scrotum with age” gene.

And I have to wear a suit now and do speeches and I have a broken toe and I have hemorrhoids and I haven’t seen my girls for ages and I wanted to dream about Megan Fox’s bottom but dreamt instead about Micky Arison abseiling from a helicopter……………….life is just not fair!

I will see you for a normal blog on Wednesday…….if there is such thing as a normal blog.

Goodnight
Your friend
John

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.