A Quickie

July 28, 2010 -

John Heald

In much the same way there is no point in me telling you I would look pretty damn hideous in fish net stockings and nipple tassels, there is no point in mentioning that my Easy Jet flight is delayed.

My taxi ride from the Queen Victoria to Glasgow airport was interesting not just because of the stunning scenery that is Scotland but also because my driver was obviously a massive Michael Jackson fan……….not something that you would expect from a large Scottish man called Hugh. As I listened to his greatest hits and as Hugh sang along I thought about what Michael left behind. For instance, he taught us that spending thousands of dollars to live in an oxygen tent is a total waste of money. Anyway ……..Hugh got me to the airport in his 10 year old Ford Mondeo in quick time while the brand new Easy Jet plane is nowhere to be seen ………as bloody usual.

I need to apologize to a reader called Megan who was upset at references to my bowel movement of which I will not be talking about today except to say that I ate too much last night at the amazing British Buffet on Lido. I had bangers and mash, and a huge plate of Chicken Tikka Masala which although it originates from India is now considered a traditional British dish. Anyway, I had a huge plate and like all the food on the Queen Victoria it was amazing. Unfortunately though I am paying the price as my arse is like a collapsed mine shaft – sorry Megan.

Anyway, I will be back tomorrow with my last blog from the UK before I leave for LA. I will answer 10 questions, have a chat about the Carnival Splendor and a story about a chap called Jimmy.

I have missed the girls a lot and later today, Easy Jet permitting, Kye will be sitting on my knee watching Barney.

This is surely the way forward with contraception and everywhere Trojan and Durex is sold there should be a big sign on which stands a huge photo of the grinning purple dinosaur ……..with the slogan………if you don’t want to watch me………wear one of these.


Your friend

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.