No Wonder Dracula Hates It

August 5, 2010 -

John Heald

There are signs that your life has reached a certain level. You haven’t visited the dentist in 11 years, though you have a hole in your tooth so big you can rest a buffalo’s tongue in it. You still have the same pair of underpants that you spent your honeymoon night in. And you have more leads, chargers and adaptors than a Radio Shack superstore yet none of them fit the thing you want to charge.

This is probably what life coaches would call “poor personal management.” I prefer to call it “just being total crap.”

There are those who put CDs (compact discs not cruise directors) back in their cases, whose sink doesn’t have toothpaste marks round it from the night before, who never have crumbs from a BLT on the Carnival comforter and whose cabin floor doesn’t look like a Payless shoe store. I have without doubt become a cabin snob over the last few years which is really not good….. I used to live in a small crew cabin like this………yet know it seems impossible for me to do so.

Being crap makes life harder and as I sit here in my snug crew cabin surrounded by chargers, shoes, underpants and three suitcases and still with half the shower curtain imbedded in my arse ………..I know that without Heidi any place I live will always look like this regardless of size.

I am not a happy camper this morning and not only because of the state of my cabin and my desire to get going as CD but also because I had terrible stomach acid in the night….. because I ate garlic. The captain invited me to dinner and I was horrified to discover that everything was cooked with lashings of garlic. And I loathe, detest and revile garlic nearly as much as I loathe, detest and revile people who throw trash on the floor. I want garlic banished from the ships and indeed from society, for every clove to be rounded up and nuked.

Because it is revolting. Not the taste – I accept it can be pleasant – but the smell. God, the smell. Especially when dancing on the breath of an early morning guest who says an up close and personal “good moooorrrnnniiinng” to you at the coffee shop. I would rather be sprayed with Mace or have a bucket of skunk poo poured over my head.

And yet, have you noticed that everyone stinks of it these days? Guests, crew, children, donkeys? There’s a global conspiracy. You go to Lido for a lunchtime salad – a salad, for God’s sake …….. then notice that people are turning away, retching.

This is when you discover that the peppers or the tomatoes have secretly been soaked in some rancid dressing. “Garlic infused olive oil.” I am surprised our chefs haven’t been charged with assault. It’s the same on land……the world has gone garlic mad.

They are now even sneaking garlic into desserts, which is just perverted. And in California there is a restaurant called the Stinking Rose…..which serves everything in garlic and I mean everything. Even if they served Megan Fox’s bottom in a garlic sauce I just couldn’t eat it.

My sympathies are with Dracula and Silvio Berlusconi, who reportedly hates the smell and is obsessed with minty breath. Good chap. I cheered when I heard about the recent campaign in Italy to have garlic-free restaurants. The French of course eat garlic like we eat ummm……French Fries…………which is another reason never to go France.

There will be those bloggers who say “we love garlic, we want more garlic.” Well maybe as well as smoking and non-smoking lounges we should have garlic and non-garlic lounges and cabins as well. It’s one thing to enjoy your food…… but do you have to sentence the rest of us to the breath penalty?

And on that note and as shall vacate the cabin so that Ernesto my cabin steward can try to achieve the impossible and tidy up the cabin……..I think he should just not bother…….poor sod. So, time to head up to the conference room, plug the laptop in and answer some questions.

OK, here I am and I have to say a huge thank you to the IT guy who wrote on the blog that I should mark my pad thingy with a Z as in Zorro and that this should stop my cursor thingy jumping all over the place. And bugger me………it worked. Thanks Pismo Jim……..a solid gold plastic trophy and a lifetime supply of Tofu is on the way.

Let’s crack on with those questions.

Bob Asked:
Hello again John….PLEASE REPLY

My wife and myself are scheduled for our 4th Carnival Cruise Aug 29, 2010 on the Valor. We also sailed on the Liberty last August into Labor Day. The reason I mention these dates is because on August 31, 2002 my wife lost her son in a tragic motorcycle accident and until last year when I decided to take her on a Carnival Cruise she has had a very difficult time dealing with it. Thanks to the fun staff on the Liberty she had a terrific vacation and although her thoughts were with her son on that tragic anniversary day the atmosphere on the ship made for a great time. Prior to sailing last year I asked you to try to arrange our dining at a table with other couples and the maitre d did a fine job and we met 3 other couples that were all different age groups so I would like to request that you help to get us assigned to another table with 2 or 3 other couples. We are confirmed for early dining.

Not to take too much of your time but I was wondering if you knew what time in the AM the basketball court opens and are the basketballs available anytime. On my last cruise on the Crown Princess in April the courts were always open and the balls were left on the court. But I think I remember having difficulty finding the basketballs on the Liberty. Or should I bring my own.

Probably by the time you read this you will have returned from your vacation and I will be getting packed for mine which I feel will become an annual event for us. By the way, we need more baby pics so we can share watching Kye grow.

John Says:
Hello Bob

I am sure that the anniversary date of the tragic loss of your son will always and forever be a day of sadness and reflection. That is why we are so honoured that you have chosen to cruise with us again so that you can enjoy the fun and relaxation that a Carnival cruise can bring. I will gladly ask the maitre d to do his best to reserve a table as you requested. The basketball court on the Carnival Valor opens from 7 am to 6 pm. We have to close it at this time because the Steakhouse is directly below and the noise from above can be somewhat disturbing to the people eating there. There will be plenty of basketballs so don’t worry about bringing your own. Have a great time and please tell your wife that she is in our thoughts.

Best wishes to you all

Grizel Robertson Asked:
John, please reply.

I posted shortly after my return from my BtoB on C Victory in early June.

There have been many Blogs from you over the last few months that have contained items that are close to my heart & with which I can relate to you because I was born, brought up, lived & worked full time (for over 41 years) in the UK .

Sadly, although I read your Blog & comments regularly, I am so drained by my work commitments, I do not have the time to respond on a regular basis.

However, I am becoming intensely annoyed with past singles’ guests complaining about paying 200% occupancy rates.

Having embarked on my last 5 cruises as a single occupant of a balcony stateroom, I have paid around 220% of the double occupancy rate for the privilege of living in a basic balcony cabin, despite booking several shore tours whilst on board.

A BtoB cruise from the UK costs me around $5,400, when flights are included! I shall be double platinum on BC4 but will gain nothing other than enjoying your humour. Why don’t these cheapskates, who hound you not realise that they must pay for their vacations at the going rate & stop living in cloud Cuckoo Land.

John, if I lived in mainland US, I would have qualified for so many discounts from which I am excluded because I live in the UK.

I am a loyal Carnival cruiser who cannot embark on 4/5 cruise per annum because I live so far away & still work for a living. Your 1A category cruisers seem to think that they have special Status!

I am sorry if I sound angry, but I do think that US citizens believe that they should be given priority over any loyal cruiser who has spent considerably more on their Vacations than the whiners who believe that a 4 hour flight is unacceptable to their embarkation port.

John, you know the problems. Please acknowledge & highlight them.

I have pre-booked on BoB, BC 4 & C Magic (9day) & paid the deposits but I cannot access my BC4 booking because I do not have my reservation number. This is not acceptable. If I have made a reservation and paid the minimum deposit, I am wholly entitled to view my itinerary etc.

John Says:
Hello Grizel Robertson

I am pretty sure that I replied to you already and that our postings have crossed. However, I wanted to clarify that I totally feel and understand your frustration Grizel and I wanted you to know that your comments have been passed along to the right people. You are a true Carnival fan and I hope that things work out so that you can continue to enjoy the fun for all Carnival experience. As for Bloggers Cruise 4 booking you have made I am not sure what is happening there so please allow me to get someone to help you and they will be in touch soon. Until then I remain at your service.

Best wishes

David Vigue Asked:
Hello John, Please Reply

I recall this handsome Brit calling a cover-all BINGO game for a free cruise while on our Carnival Destiny Cruise in January 1997. I took notes, and when I got home my kids school asked me to call the bingo night. Wow, using some of the jokes I got from all my Carnival Cruise trips did not work. Those “lady’s” took it far too seriously. You would have thought that they didn’t go there for the fun. I still go to bingo on my Carnival Cruise, and my wife will play sometimes even though we have never won.

My request from you is this, and it has nothing to do with bingo. We are sailing on Aug 22 Carnival Freedom and I need to be sure we don’t get a booth, as I am shall we say per a previous blogger “Fluffy”. I don’t care if it is upper, lower, table for 2, 4, 6 or 8, only that it be a table with chairs. Any help you can give me would be great, and I thank you in advance.

I forgot to tell you that on our January cruise, we got to see the show that had the dancers dressed like choir members singing the old hymn taken from Ludwig van Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy”. We loved it, and you should know this, I am and have been for the last 25 years a church choir director. I left the show humming the tune. Great job indeed. So, that said, don’t take people who complain about everything to heart. My wife and I have concluded that it is some people’s idea of fun to BEEF. (That’s complain in English).

I love the blog, and look forward to reading it every day. Having sailed with you 3 times, I would love to sail with you again in the future, and maybe we could do the “tummy bump”.

Our best to you and your family,

Your Friend,
Dave Vigue

John Says:
Hello Dave Vigue

It has been a long time since I called a game of bingo. It used to be fun when I did though and maybe it is time to do so again. I know that some of our booths can be a bit tight for people like us…….Big Ed calls us extra medium……..and I will ask the maitre d to assign you a table rather than a booth. I want to thank you so much for your kind words and knowing how much you enjoy the blog makes me very happy indeed. Have a wonderful cruise and maybe one day we can indeed to the tummy bump thing.

Best wishes to you and the family

Rositer11 Carnival-Liferis Asked:
Please Respond

As always great blog John. I don’t care what anyone says. This is your blog keep doing it your way!!! I have 2 questions. When does the Pride go into dry-dock and for what changes. Second who will be the cruise director August 29th- Sept. 5?

Thanks John.

John Says:
Hello Rositer11 Carnival-Liferis

Thanks for the words of support, it means a lot. The Carnival Pride will enter dry dock in November.  The work will be routine maintenance however there will be a chance for the crew to give a really good clean and refresh to the inside and outside of the vessel. The cruise director for August 29 will be my good mate Kirk Benning who I know you will enjoy. Please let me know if you need anything before you sail again.

Best wishes

Kathy B Asked:
Hi John – Please reply (not urgent)

On taking parents cruising – our greatest regret in our cruising history is that we discovered it too late to take our parents. We took our first cruise in 2004 and booked our second cruise with DH’s dad for summer 2005, realizing how much he would enjoy it. Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with stomach cancer a few months after we booked and was gone several weeks later. We still take cruises where we remark on how much FIL or MIL would have loved being on board.

As for Bingo, I don’t play but it doesn’t bother me one way or the other. So many folks on our cruises enjoy it; I wouldn’t change it at this point.

Now for my “please reply” part: We just disembarked Carnival Pride Sunday and had a wonderful time. Really, all of the ports and the on-deck activities were good and we were never lacking for activities or entertainment – or just being able to hang out. We were able to experience the Chef’s Table and I would recommend it for anyone that appreciates leisurely dining and good food. It was an experience! We knew we were signing up for a 7-course dinner, but we didn’t realize that the appetizers in the galley didn’t count toward the seven courses….

Kirk and Jaime had a Q&A session on the last sea day, which was well attended. They are both energetic and clearly show that they enjoy their jobs, which is nice in a time when so many people are just “making do” with jobs they don’t like very much. I also told them about how much I enjoy it when they contribute to your blog. Carnival is lucky to have both Kirk and Jaime.

I did get the feeling that the wait staff is being pressed a bit too far. The main example for us was the bar staff in the dining room – our server was great, but it seemed clear to us that he had too many tables to attend. There were a few nights at the beginning of the cruise when we received no bar service at all or where the bar server arrived well after food had been ordered.

The other comment I’d offer relates to embarkation. We’re Platinum – this was our 12th cruise and we have cruises 13 and 14 already booked. We’re sold on the value of a Carnival cruise vacation. As Platinum pax, we were able to get through the document processing quickly, and an embarkation staff member arrived to escort us to the waiting area. While we were walking, a passenger in the waiting area approached our escort to ask a question – and the escort completely blew her off. “Sorry, can’t stop – I’m with VIPs!”

Now, I just felt funny about this. The passenger who needed information could very well have been a new Carnival cruiser, and this experience could have made the difference between booking a next Carnival cruise and deciding on another vacation. Meanwhile, there we were – the “VIPs” who really wouldn’t have minded if the escort had stopped briefly (especially since the ship was late boarding). My own thought is that the escort should have stopped briefly, listened to her question (it may have been fairly simple, after all) and, if not so simple, asked another member of the embarkation staff to help.

As for what you post on the blog while being “landlocked”: I enjoy it!

John Says:
Hello Kathy B

I have said this loads of times here on the blog thingy and I will say it again now. The postings made by people like you, experienced Carnival cruisers are so, so valuable to us and your posting highlights that. The staff member who brushed aside the guest’s question was totally wrong to do so and I will certainly make sure that the manager of embarkation in Baltimore sees this comment and takes corrective action. There is no doubt that the dining staff work hard and the sections they have can make them very busy indeed. You know, I have noticed something these past few years that never used to happen. If second seating was advertised at 8:15 pm then by 8:20 pm everyone would be seated. These days that is not the case and it appears that people are arriving at their tables up to 30 minutes after the opening time. This obviously puts extra pressure on the team head waiter and his or her assistant. Now this isn’t a defence to the comments you made but it is certainly something I feel is worth mentioning. Has anyone else noticed this?

I will pass your comments regarding the bar service in the dining room along to the proper folks at Carnival as these observations were most helpful.  Thank you for being so loyal to Carnival and I am glad you enjoyed the dynamic duo of Jamie and Kirk.

I hope you had a fantastic time and that we will see you again soon

Best wishes

Brenda Asked:
John reply

Have you seen the poll on cruise critic that has members voting on if you should continue

I thought it important that you see what people are saying about you and what you do on your blog. I voted that you should stop doing reservations and free gifts because it’s unfair on the rest of us.


John Says:
Hello Brenda

Yes, I have seen this and indeed another blogger posted the link yesterday. I appreciate everyone’s opinion and while I don’t agree that I should stop helping people I understand that everyone has the right to express their thoughts and vote accordingly. I will say that it is not unfair only in the sense that I try to help everyone if they ask. If they don’t ask…….I can’t help them.

Best wishes and thanks for taking the time to write.

MIKE Asked:
John, (Please reply)

Love reading your Blog daily… Hope you can do something for me, My Wife, My Daughter, and my Son-in Law

We are sailing on MY CARNIVAL Triumph on the 21st of next August. Unfortunately I don’t know My Daughters. Is there any way that you might be able to arrange a table for 4 at the back of the ship for us, I think we should be linked together…Also, the last sea day is Roberts birthday..Could you get him a ship on a stick or something like that for his Birthday? I know this is short notice so I understand if you can’t make it happen. Any help that you could do for us will be greatly appreciated


John Says:
Hello Mike

I will be happy to help and will ask the maitre d to assist you with your table request. I will be happy to send Robert a solid gold plastic trophy. I hope he has a wonderful birthday and that you have a brilliant cruise.

Best wishes to all

Justin Slagle Asked:

I really enjoy reading you blog thingy, I was wondering if you could help me get a small table on my cruise August 29th on the Conquest, I work nights and my Wife works a normal daytime shift, and it would be nice if we could sit together as family during this cruise.

Thanks for your help

John Says:
Hello Justin Slagle

Indeed I will do my best so that you and your wife can spend some quality time together.

Best wishes and have a brilliant cruise.

Sierra Asked:
Hi John (Please Reply)

I have some exciting news and a question. First the exciting news. Like you, my husband is a diabetic trying to lose some weight and get healthy. I’m so proud of him (and you!) for working towards a healthier lifestyle. He has been accepted into a weight loss program at the Joslin Diabetes Center in Boston, Massachusetts. The 13 week program will help us both manage what we eat. So here’s the question: Can we get carb/fat/calorie information for the meals in the dining room and at the buffets? I know the MDR offers spa menu items (and they look wonderful!) but does Carnival have the nutrition info for the other menu items as well? We will be sailing on the Valor on October 10th.

Thank you so much for your blog thingy. It really brightens my day to read your posts!

PS. I came across a very rude guests services rep (in the special needs department). Should I tell someone?

John Says:
Hello Sierra

Many congratulations on your husband’s weight loss and his fight to keep his sugar levels down. I know how much of a challenge this can be so please send him my congratulations. The Lido Deck menu is varied of course so I am not sure what items you specifically want me to check for you. I do know that if you ask a line chef… this I mean the people who serve the food on Lido …..they will not have the facts that you want. However, if you ask your waiter in the dining room, he or she will be able to check with the head chef and he will pass on the required information. Certainly this is possible and if you can think of any items you would like information on before you sail please let me know.

In reply to your P.S. question…..yes……please do tell us the details on this situation. I apologize that you felt someone was rude so please tell me who and what happened and I will address this with the right people.

I am proud of your husband and I hope you continue to enjoy the blog together.

Please let me know if you need further help.

Best wishes

That’s all for today. You know, ever since that poll on Cruise Critic I feel a bit guilty when I answer a question asking for help. I am not going to stop……it’s just a bit disconcerting knowing that some Cruise Critic readers are not happy that I am doing so……I hate upsetting people.

OK, so it turns out that the plan to have the aft pool area an adults only center has it appears been tried here before and from what I hear it would have been successful except that it was not enforced properly. This time it will be and in fact having spoken about it with the team here they are all ready to make this happen. I read your comments with interest yesterday and saw that Janey (okgirl) posted the fact that the tandoori and the deli are at the aft section and she is correct. Yep, there will be families eating there and I absolutely do not want that to stop. What I do want is the pool and whirlpools to be adults only. I don’t want to stop the kids having fun of course and with our water park, splash pool and main pool, fun with water is everywhere. I envision the adults cooling down in the water and in the beach effect area and enjoying live music there. Anyway, let me give this a try and I will report back as to how it works. Oh, and just one more thing from yesterday’s comments…..a big hug from me to Kitty……who lost her job yesterday. I wish you much success in finding new employment.

As you know I have never been here on the West Coast before and yet it is quite extraordinary how many guests have recognized me either because of the blog or in the most part because they have cruised with me before. Many have said they cruised with me on ships out of Florida homeports which sort of baffled me because they all seem to be from California……. maybe they have only just realized that they have an ocean. Anyway, I have spoken to a lot of them and there are lots of wishes for me to do something on stage this week and I have asked Goose if I can I may do the bedtime story tomorrow………we shall see what happens.

I was talking to Kelvin and Justine Fairclough who have recently discovered our blog thingy who highlighted the fact that they were on their first Carnival cruise. They admitted to being RCI fans having done quite a few of those. They were very angry at two things. The fact that RCI is leaving California and most importantly the fact that they had always been talked out of doing a Carnival cruise by friends and their travel agent. They are having a brilliant time. Now I should explain that Kelvin is Justine’s son and that Justine is in a wheelchair. They had written to me on the blog asking about a table with wheelchair access which I was able to help them with. When I met with them they were both quick to tell me how amazingly friendly and helpful the crew had been. This then went into the conversation about how others had said don’t cruise Carnival and how mad they were at them and at themselves for listening. I promised them I would put their photo on the blog….so here are son and Mum….Kelvin and Justine Fairclough from Sacramento, California.

Thanks to the marvelous crew of the Carnival Splendor we have 2 more guests who have seen the reality of what a Carnival cruise provides and as they said, they will be back for more.

We are in Mazatlan today and it’s really, really muggy which means it is really, really not a good day to be my underpants. Before we see what the guests are doing today, I have to tell you that I really enjoyed P.V. yesterday. I call it P.V. because I can’t spell Porto Vallaryta yet. I took a taxi downtown and walked for about a mile along the strip…yes….a mile..…see above reference to underpants.

It was very different to Cozumel which I am sorry to say is a good thing. Whereas Cozumel has people standing outside every store telling you that everything is 90% off or almost free. Honestly, if one more Cozumelian told me “We have your size big man” I would have given him a sudden and aggressive kick in his el bollockos.

There is none of this in PV and with its huge open plan restaurants full of crisp white sheets and linens it reminded me of South Beach in Miami. No wonder the guests love P.V. I had lunch …. on my own. I won’t bother telling you how much I hate that and how depressing it is because I have said so many times here on the blog. What I will say is that the seafood ceviche I had was historic and me and my raspberry enjoyed a great lunch together.

In Mazatlan the emphasis seems to be on taking an excursion as we dock in an industrial port and there really isn’t a whole lot to do right off the ship. Goose really makes sure that this message is loud and clear and with that in mind here are the most popular excursions.

Tour Duration: 4 Hours

Discover the heart and soul of Mazatlan on this cultural and shopping combination tour.  Your journey begins with a drive to Vigia Hill where you will see the world’s highest natural lighthouse, the offshore islands, and Mazatlan’s scenic coastline.  Continue on to the city’s historic center for a visit to a 19th century Cathedral, and then witness the remarkable cliff divers’ performance as they jump off the rocky cliffs into the waters below.  Ride, for approximately 35 minutes, to the Golden Zone for an amazing show at the Spectacular Theatre.  Marvel in Mexico’s history through its music and dances as you watch the Mexican Folkloric Dancers, followed by a high-flying ancient ceremony performed by the world famous Papantla Flyers.  Browse and shop through the numerous craft and jewelry shops before returning to your ship.  Note: Complimentary snacks will be served during the show.

Tour Duration: 6 Hours

Discover the wonderful heritage of Mexico’s villages and see the works created by its cottage industries. You’ll travel to the legendary Sierra Madre Mountains and visit a brickyard where adobe bricks are made by hand and fired, much as they have been for centuries. Continue to the quaint village of Malpica to visit a floor tile factory, a traditional bakery, and a factory where you will see handmade clay flower pots, jars and wooden furniture.  Continue on to Concordia, founded in 1565, and the gold mining town of Copala, with its cobblestone streets, colonial homes, and impressive San Jose Church.  Enjoy a Mexican lunch in Copala before your return journey to Mazatlan, with an optional drop-off in Mazatlan’s Golden Zone for shopping.  Note: Lunch is included. This excursion involves walking over cobblestones and uneven ground; comfortable walking shoes are recommended. Guests wishing to stay in the Golden Zone will be responsible for their return transportation to the ship.

I will be writing more about these and other top tips during my time here as cruise director.

Talking of Goose (whom I have been most impressed with) here we are together ….. Goose and Big Bird.

Tomorrow we will be in Cabo….again….can’t spell the whole name yet so it’s Cabo for today. We will be tendering guests ashore and you may remember that recently I asked that the tender information for Platinum guests standardized across the fleet. This was because some of you had told me there had been challenges with this. And so we have revised the Platinum Guest Letter that will be waiting for Platinum and Milestone guests in their stateroom. Here it is:

Dear Megan Fox

Welcome back. We’re delighted that you’ve chosen another “Fun Ship” cruise for your vacation.  We would like to welcome you aboard as a Platinum Guest; distinguished recognition for having sailed with us 10 or more times.  As a Platinum Guest you are entitled to the exclusive privileges and benefits of our new “Carnival Concierge Club.”  We invite you to take advantage of the following complimentary amenities during your cruise:

  • Personalized Stationary
  • Canapés delivered to your stateroom one evening
  • Petit fours delivered to your stateroom one evening
  • A special Carnival logo item per stateroom.

In addition, we have these wonderful exclusive privileges and benefits that can be scheduled by simply contacting the Carnival Platinum/Concierge desk at extension 6676.

  • Your personal Guest Service staff
  • Guaranteed dining times (Platinum guest and immediate family, up to a maximum of two staterooms)
  • Guaranteed steak house reservations
  • Exclusive “Behind the Scenes galley tour” (Please contact the Concierge Desk to schedule)
  • Spa Carnival services (We invite you to the spa for priority booking of a spa treatment.  Please confirm priority booking today by 6:00pm and request a complimentary specialty add-on treatment for one of our body or facial services (a $20 value).
  • Complimentary Wash and Fold service.
  • Complimentary entry into our slot or blackjack tournament (please stop by the Casino Cashier for more details) Must be 18 and over in age.
  • $5.00 of complimentary arcade tokens for under 18 years old Platinum Card members.
  • Priority tender boarding (Please check with Platinum/Concierge desk located at Guest Services or by calling 6676)
  • Priority debarkation
  • A photo of Senior Cruise Director John Heald in his underpants

“Today’s Carnival” is committed to providing our guests with the highest level of quality, service and hospitality.  The new “Carnival Concierge Club” is just one way of showing our appreciation to you, our valued Platinum Guest.

On behalf of Carnival Cruise Lines, we hope you enjoy your cruise and these added touches.  Thank you for your continued loyalty.

Bon Voyage!
Gerry Cahill
President and CEO

As you will see we have a dedicated number for Platinum guests to call as and when they are ready to go ashore by tender. The guest service associate will check you are on the Platinum list and then arrange for someone to meet you accordingly.

I have always promised to post everything that is sent to me by all of you out there in blog land unless it is something that is totally inappropriate of course. I will always post without exception people’s comments about me………and that includes this one:


Has it EVER occurred to you that there are other people in the world who MATTER, as well as you? You make yourself SOUND like the most self obsessed, drunken egoist that there has ever been. Try to accept that you are one of the lucky ones, with a job, and a half decent looks. More people would read this blog if you were to be less self-absorbed.

Steve Cottrell

Half decent looks? What does that mean? Does one part resemble Gomer Pyle, the other George Clooney? Anyway……I  have given this comment a lot of thought and have conceded that perhaps the blogger had a point and that maybe I could, from time to time, appear a little self-absorbed and I apologize for that Steve.

Anyway, let’s change the subject and talk about…..ummmmm…… That’s because in 15 minutes time I have to sit through what will be sure to be an hour of total and utter boredom. That’s because there is a meeting in Miami about your Carnival Magic and the run up to the naming ceremony and special events, etc. Now while the subject itself is fascinating, the fact that I am going to be sat by a speaker phone for an endless amount of time is not something I am looking forward to. The corporate world has gone meeting mad and Carnival has contracted the meeting plague.

Meetings for the most part achieve bugger all. Take that big one in Copenhagen last year ……. the big summit thingy. World leaders flew to Denmark to discuss what might be done should global temperatures rise. After loads of meetings, involving thousands of people, everyone agreed they couldn’t agree on anything. And so they all got back on their private jets and buggered off home.

As a brand ambassador I have been to meetings that achieved absolutely nothing. I remember one in which we spent an hour discussing if it would be fun for me to wear a pink suit for the naming of the Carnival Splendor. The meeting ended by suggesting we discuss the issue in more detail next time we met.

Yep meetings are for the most part a massive waste of time. The only good thing is that I will be talking to senior vice presidents and vice presidents who will be in a gleaming glass tower in their suits and beards.

Me………..I will be sitting in my tiny cabin…….in my underpants ……… eating a burrito.

Join me tomorrow for more news about me.

Your friend

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.