Look Out Mac Is Back

August 26, 2010 -

John Heald

Apart from the little gang on Cruise Critic who have a coronary every time I try and help people, top of my current “You’re getting on my sodding nerves” list……..is Apple………….not the fruit …….not Gwyneth Paltrow’s unfortunately named sprog………….but Apple……….the computer stuff. I know I am going to get a bollocking from many of you but I can’t help myself …………….. don’t like Apple products. And the better designed they become, the more I want to shove them up someone’s bottom.

All my staff have them and at a meeting the other day there were more Eye Pads and Eye Phones then there were people round the table.

Please………… stop showing me your Eye Phone. Stop stroking your Macbook…………you look weird and slightly scary……………….and for the love of God…………..stop telling me to get one.

Honestly, stop it. I couldn’t care less if Mac stuff is better. I don’t care if Mac stuff is cool. I don’t care if every Mac product comes equipped a magic button on the side that causes it to turn from horizontal to a vertical screen. I don’t care if your Eye Pad has a built in button for video conferencing. I’m not buying one, so bugger off and go home. Go back to your Eye House where the walls are brushed aluminum. I bet people with Eye Pads have underpants with that Apple sign on the front of them!

But what worries me is how much time people with Eye stuff they spend to convert non-believers? They’re not getting paid. They simply want to spread their happiness. It’s the sort of thing aliens from would do if they wanted to covertly and slowly make sure that all humans had an Apple product that when they were ready, would admit an app that would suck out all our blood leaving the little bastards to take over the planet.

Anyway, back to the meeting we were having which I called do discuss the problems with the orchestra pit and the subsequent show change schedule. There were 7 technicians and a few of the entertainment staff as well as the dance captain and the musical director as well as my assistant Stephanie who was taking the minutes of the meeting.

I had brought my non-Apple laptop thingy because it had all the current e-mails on it from the beards in Miami and I couldn’t be bothered to print them out. When I clicked on an application it took forever to open it. I swore at it out loud……………..oh what a mistake that was.

This drew the attention of two technicians who are obviously Mac owners. They hovered over and stood beside me like two assassins.

“Ah, the delights of Windows,” said one.

“It really is time you got a Mac,” said the other.

“They’re just better,” they both agreed.

“You won’t regret it,” whispered the second.

“Bugger off,”…………I said.

I know a lot of people think Windows is crap and Apple is superior. But as awful as it is I don’t want to become one of the Stepford people who worship at the altar of Apple.

Apple is like France……………..it’s there……………and there’s sod all you can do about it.

Time for today’s Q and A…….off we go.

Sean McGrath Asked:
John, please reply.

As ever John, may thanks for the entertainment from the blog.

I would like to draw comment to Steve Cottrell’s remarks about you being “the most self obsessed, drunken egoist that there has ever been.”

Firstly, myself and the vast majority of your readers disagree that statement and we know it to be completely false.

Next, we have had no evidence of you being a drunkard and from what I read you seem to drink very little at all. This incorrect insult from Mr. Cottrell only serves to highlight the in-accuracies and miss-truths in his statement.

Finally, your blog is a “personal web log,” that is simply what all blogs are. So naturally it will to a large extent be about you and it seems that millions of people like to read about you so how Mr. Cottrell expects it not to be about you is a mystery.

As ever John, please keep up the good work and Mr. Cottrell can blow it out his arse.

Your friend

John Says:

That was a brilliant start to today’s Q and A and I wish you could have seen me sitting here in my underpants having a good old giggle. I also loved the way you spelt “arse” correctly. Thanks mate for those very kind words. It seems that as the blog thingy continues that I am getting more complaints about my writing style and the content then I ever used to and I am not sure why. Anyway, I am going to keep plugging away and hopefully with the support of people like your good self that the blog thingy will be around a bit longer.

Best wishes

Susanne Asked:
John, Please Reply

I will be sailing on the Carnival Legend (for the third time) on September 12 with my 2 grandchildren, my son, and my daughter-in-law who were on the Blogger’s Cruise from New Orleans. My 5 year old grandson adores “Bobble Head” as he calls you when he tells me he wants to see your blog – he keeps asking me why you look so sad in your picture on the blog (my 10 year old granddaughter likes you also and she thought Lewis Nixon was so funny). I am not one to ask for favors (I am like you since I prefer to do nice things for other people) but I would appreciate it so much if you could possibly send them something from you which they will treasure. My grandson simply cannot understand why you will not be on the ship.

Also, I know we will be in Ken’s dining room (Early Seating) since there is only one dining room but if I could ask you if it is not too much trouble if you would ask Ken to please put us on the bottom level of the dining room at one of the back windows so my grandchildren can see the ship going under the bridge in Tampa and maybe some other sights. This would be wonderful and I appreciate everything that you do for everyone. Ken is great and I am thrilled to be sailing with him again.

I know previously you had told someone that Wee Jimmy collects bears and Craig likes chocolate. I do not remember seeing anything about Ken (I probably missed it.) The bad thing would be getting the bear back home (shipping cost) and the chocolate becoming chocolate soup in the Florida heat. Is there anything else that you can think of for the three that would not incur shipping cost or an unusable collection (such as t-shirts they cannot wear at work which is most of their time) that can easily be brought on the ship?

This brings me to another thought. If possible, it would be great if you also posted the ACD’s since a lot of the blogger’s know them as well.

Again, thanks for everything that you do and hopefully Heidi and Kye will join you soon.

John Says:
Hello Susanne

It’s funny you should mention my photo because my Mum told me the other day that she thought my photo looked sad……she doesn’t like it. I think maybe I should change it. I am so sorry that I will not be on the Carnival Legend with you and your grandson and he can expect a little something from me. Wee Jimmy does indeed collect teddy bears and if you brought him one I am sure he would really love it although he would probably appreciate food……..any food ………. as well. What a great team you have there with the brilliant Wee Jimmy and of course Ken the crooning maitre d who loves Cafe Cream mini cigars by the way and thanks again for thinking of him.

Ugly Craig is on the Carnival Fantasy now and what a great idea to post the names of the assistant CD’s and I will certainly work on that. I will ask Ken to help you with your seating and wee Jimmy to send something to your Grandson and Granddaughter. I hope you all have a brilliant time and please tell me al about it when you get home.

Best wishes

pnjkeith Asked:
Hey John, Please Respond

Looks like the poll I posted on Cruise Critic has caused lots of beotching. I would like you to know I thank the help you give to others is GREAT. I do not understand why so many do not like the help you give. I did not post the poll to get negative replies.

You have helped me in the past and hope for you to continue doing so. Keep up the good work; keep helping others with table assignments, ships on a stick, etc… Tell the haters to bugger off.

You should feel GREAT for all the help you give. I appreciate it and THANK you.

Have a GREAT day.

John Says:
Hello Pnjkeith

I think the poll was a great idea and I can totally understand why some would not want to ask for anything and why some don’t read the blog because of this. What I don’t understand is why one or two get so angry that they feel it necessary to attack me and the people who write to me asking for assistance. Thanks so much for the support and as always I am here to help.

Best wishes

IndyMichelle Asked:

I will never understand why people get upset when you grant favours (spelled correctly) on your blog. Nor will I ever understand why they insist, every darn time! on TELLING you they’re so upset. Maybe I feel that way because I don’t care about the location of my dining table, and the one time I won a “solid gold ship-on-a-stick,” I immediately gave it away to the nearest child, but good grief people. Aaaaaaanyway. 🙂

I have been on two previous Carnival cruises, and am counting the days until my first ever solo cruise on the Carnival Inspiration. My question, John, as I’ve already mentioned that I don’t need a ship-on-a-stick from you to make my life complete 😉 is this: do you have any suggestions to help make a solo cruise great? I had a brilliant time on both of my previous cruises, and am SO VERY excited about this next one, but also just a teeny bit nervous about going by myself.

Thanks so much in advance for any advice you can offer, and hopefully by the time you read this, you and your lovely Mrs. will have figured out a good time for your girls to come meet you on the West Coast! 🙂


John Says:
Hello IndyMichelle

I should have just cut and pasted your posting for my answer to my friend Preston above as it was worded perfectly and expressed exactly how I feel. The one thing I can make sure of is that you get a great table assignment and sit with other single cruisers of around the same age. I am sure that there you will make new friends. I am not sure of your last name or cabin number so please can you post it to me and mark it “Time Sensitive” and one of the 344 Stephanies will send it to me so I can ask the maitre d on the Carnival Inspiration to help. I know you must be a bit apprehensive about traveling alone and I am going to ask one of the staff members to keep an eye on you and make sure you are happy. A fun for all Carnival cruise is a great way to make new friends and when you send me your cabin if you could drop a hint at your age I can also recommend some other things to do.

I hope to hear from you soon

Best wishes

Carin Smith Asked:
Dearest John – please respond.

You’ve made me giggle for ages, but this is the first time I’ve written, so it’s going to be an epic letter. Sorry ’bout that. =^)

I know you’re running about three weeks long – so I thought I’d send my request for aid a little early.

On October 30, 2010 my husband and I and two friends will be sailing on our Carnival Dream. This will be our second Dreamy Halloween and the first Dream cruise for our friends. We’ll be in  2383 this time (not sure about our pals’ cabin # yet – they’re on deck 2 aft somewhere) and we are hoping that you can facilitate a table for 4 somewhere central in the main dining room downstairs or aft along the window. Thus far (on our previous Carnival adventures) we’ve been relegated to the tables hidden behind the partition near the kitchen door in the main dining room, no matter how sweetly we made our requests… and I can be very sweet, I assure you! So we’ve not yet had a nice view or been able to see the action in the dining room – other than the occasional dropped plate, which is always hugely entertaining. It would be great to experience the fun we usually hear from a distance over the wall behind us, or if that’s not possible, watch the moonlight on the water while we dine. In either case, I do hope you can help grease the wheels for us and give our friends a lovely dining experience on our Dream. Heck, even if it can’t be arranged, we’ll still have a blast… It would just be nice to see something a bit more memorable this time, especially if Ken is still aboard! =^)

BTW: Our first Dream adventure was the Transatlantic crossing last autumn, which was a truly amazing cruise!! We were lucky enough to be introduced to you and Mr. Cahill by Todd Wittmer as we partied (as usual) in the Piano Bar the night you and the Beards boarded in Bermuda. (Thanks for being so kind when I know you must have been exhausted and swamped with work! You are appreciated!!!

For those who have any doubts about the Dream or her crew, believe me, she’s fantastic and every single person aboard her made our 16 day voyage both memorable and FUN!!! We booked a balcony midship on deck 8 for the trip and couldn’t have been happier, despite the interesting discussions about that location! Special thanks should go to Todd, James, Ken, Capt. Queirolo, Zoran the bartender, Kat the waitress, Lawrence and the dancers, Cassandra and the spa peeps, Mouna, pianist/singer Damian Brell, comedian Michael Macy, and you Mr. Heald for all the fun and for putting up with our group of ‘youngsters’! (The non-decrepit people who took over the ship every night!) We made lifetime friends with officers, crew and passengers alike – Many Thanks to ALL! We didn’t want to get off the boat in New York, even after 2 + weeks and a Nor’easter!!! (Yes, multiple exclamation points are required here!!)

And before I shut up and sign off, I want give a shout out to James Fatigate, my favorite PVP. He does an amazing job and should get a raise just for helping me when I get the urge to plan cruises!

Ok – enough from me… Thanks so much for all you do, John! And thanks for giving us a peek into the strange and wondrous world of John Heald. You’re an odd duck, but we love you!

Hugs to you, Heidi and Kye!

John Says:
Hello Carin

I am an odd duck…………oh that’s brilliant……..I am telling Heidi that one. Your Carnival Dream cruise will soon be here and you will notice a few changes amongst the department heads. Todd has been succeeded as CD by Butch who I absolutely know you will love. Ken is now on the Carnival Legend but I will make sure that I ask his replacement Drasko who has been a friend of mine a long time and is a superb maitre d. Can you repost this again with the addition of your friends names or cabin number so that I can make sure that you are seated together. We have a bit of time so that’s fine. I am continuing to read so many wonderful reviews about your Carnival Dream and thank you for writing yours. It will feel like coming home for you in October.

You will be spending Halloween there and talking of that I had no idea what to go as this year …… but now I do…….I will be going as an odd duck. Thanks for the giggle and hope to hear from you soon.

Best wishes

Teresa Richardson Asked:
Hi John (Please reply)

Love your bloggy thingy and must confess that playing with the new grandbaby for the last few days has kept me too busy to even look at my computer and now I’m reading “old posts” to catch up. My husband and I will be sailing on the Triumph August 28- Sept 2 celebrating our 45th anniversary on our 23rd Carnival cruise. We love sailing out of Mobile and New Orleans (that’s where the new grandbaby lives) since both are a 4 hour drive from our home and sailing down the river from NO at night is just beautiful.

I have a few questions I’d like to ask and hope Carnival will consider. First, we were at sea when hurricane Ivan hit and had to detour to Veracruz. It was a wonderful port and we just wondered if a 5 or 6 day cruise could go there as a change of pace for those of us who cruise from these same ports more than once a year.

Next, does Carnival do Panama Canal cruises and would Carnival or one of your sister lines (we had a Princess cruise once because it sailed from NO for 3 weeks) ever do one from Mobile or NO for those of us who do not want to fly but cruise at every opportunity. We really don’t want to drive for 2 days to Miami and 2 days back. We want to be on a Carnival ship every second of our vacation.

And last, our favorite perk as Platinum guests is the easy on, easy off feature. However, sometimes it seems like we are waiting forever for the passengers who carry everything off–(and that is an option we could not do) – to all get off. We were wondering if it would be possible to have two VIP disembark options– one just before the carry off folks and the other like it is now–just after the carry off folks. The very early disembarkation would allow locals to take one less vacation day and it would allow some who drive the opportunity to get home before dark–a very important consideration for some of us older cruisers. Perhaps Carnival might want to test this option on just one port and New Orleans would be a great port to start with.

Carnival’s “value for the buck,” friendly staff, great entertainment, and close-to-home port keeps us coming back. And when I say staff, I don’t just mean on the ship. We think our PVP, Shay Hart is the world’s best and we have recommended her to countless future cruisers and have her extension memorized–yet we read on your blog thingy that everyone else thinks the same thing–so a lot of the “behind the scenes” folks start our cruises months before we ever get on the ship.

I just have one more comment. Seriously, I wish your comment card would have a section just for repeat cruisers so we could just mark that one box and be through. Carnival meets our expectations which is why we keep coming back cruise after cruise. If she didn’t, we would be trying one of the other lines. When you are content with a product, that’s what you buy and that’s what you recommend. That why we had six Carnival cruises last year, have our August cruise booked, our October family cruise booked and are checking out our December and January dates. I know the comment cards are a valuable tool to Carnival and I like to help, but I don’t want to spend several minutes each cruise answering the same questions and I feel guilty if I don’t.

I hope you get assigned to New Orleans soon so we can have the opportunity to sail with you. We feel like you are an old friend because of your blog and I’d love to meet the man who makes my husband laugh five days a week. You are a great word-smith, sir and you brighten our day. Thank you (and all your Stephanies).

John Says:
Hello Teresa Richardson

I hope you have enjoyed playing with your grandchild, I am sure that must have been a most fun and rewarding time. I have never been to Veracruz in all my years at sea and I wonder if there is a reason we don’t go there? I honestly have no idea why we don’t but I certainly will find out for you. What was it that you liked about it…….I would be interested to know?

We had a really successful Panama Canal cruise on the Carnival Elation this year but at this time I know there are many readers of this blog who tell me that they would like longer cruises and of course I will pass on the suggestions you have taken the time to write. I will also make sure that Shay your PVP gets to see your words of praise. I hear more and more great things about our PVP staff and that is really good news indeed.

Well, now to the comment card which as of this coming week is gone. I hated…..yes hated …….. the exceed, met expectations stuff specifically for the reasons you mentioned. Most of the ships have depleted their inventories of comment cards and then they will be no more. That means that very soon we will be implementing a different way to gauge your comments post-cruise. You will be asked to give honest opinions based on direct but simple questions which I think everyone will agree is a much better system. We’re developing a much better system and as I have said before here on the blog, me and my fellow CD’s had manipulated somewhat the marking of the old card system. That will not happen anymore. Thanks so much for the kind words and all the great ideas. Hopefully one day I will get to sail with you soon and have a brilliant time on the Carnival Triumph next week.

Best wishes

Sari Asked:
Hi John, please reply.

Would it be possible for you to list which soups served in the MDR are vegetarian? Unfortunately, we have received conflicting information from waiters in the past.

Some soups, like the West Indian Pumpkin, helpfully list chicken broth as an ingredient in the menu description, but others – like the Yukon Gold Potato – one would have no idea had chicken in it. My amazing waiter warned me off that one, but it seems that some waiters feel that if meat isn’t a main ingredient, then the soup is vegetarian… even if it’s made with chicken or beef stock.

It would be helpful if there could be an official word on which of the “seemingly vegetarian” soups actually have a meat base. I have listed several “soups of interest” below. Thank you, as always, so much!

Caribbean Pepper Pot

Chilled Avocado

Chilled Curried Apple

Old-Fashioned German Lentil

Chilled Essence of Fennel and Celery

Cream of Spinach

Creme Dubarry

Cream of Sun-Ripened Tomatoes

Gazpacho Andalouse

French Onion Soup

Black Bean Soup

Chilled Cucumber Soup

Yukon Gold Potato Cream (just to verify!)

Wild Mushroom Cream

Asparagus Vichyssoise

Corn Chowder Maryland

Cream of Garden-Fresh Broccoli

American Navy Bean

Minestrone Milanese

Potage Saint Germain

Gazpacho Blanco

Chilled Butternut Squash

Italian-Style Tomato and Borlotti Bean

(Mmmm, what an array!)

John Says:
Hello Sari

I had no idea we had so many soups. I am also a bit baffled as to why any of these soups would have meat in them. Then again outside of baked beans on toast I can’t cook anything. But I know a man who can and I have sent this to our Executive Chef in Miami and hopefully I will have an answer by tomorrow at the latest for you.

Back soon

Best meat free wishes

And I was just going to send today’s blog thingy to one of the 344 Stephanies when Chef Leypold confirmed that none of the above soups have any meat stock in them at all and are 100% free of anything with legs. Bon Appetit


Doug Asked:
(Please Reply)

John, please don’t be bothered by the people who say they don’t like you or don’t find you funny. This one time, John, I heard a radio interview with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson when he was wrestling in the WWE. He told the interviewer, “Some people like chocolate ice cream, and some people like vanilla ice cream, but everybody… And The Rock means EVERYBODY loves pancakes.” That’s you John, you’re a pancake!

I had written to you on the blog a couple of years ago, where I mentioned that you were the CD on my honeymoon cruise on the Destiny back in 1998, and the CD on my wife’s 1st cruise on the Sensation back when it was brand new. It had been about 10 years since we’d cruised with Carnival and you said why not come back. Well last September we did a 7 day Canada/New England on the Triumph. Oddly, we drove from our home in Canada to New York, only to cruise back to Canada, but I digress. We had a great time.

We’ve got 3 kids now, and the older 2 loved going to Camp Carnival, they even wanted to eat with their new friends for breakfasts and dinners, instead of with us, so much of the time it was just my wife, myself and the baby.

We enjoyed everything immensely, the food, the weather was great, and the ship was lovely. The 5 of us were all able to shoe-horn ourselves into one cabin which also helped out financially. Now I have heard that the 3 original Destiny Class ships and the Fantasy class ships all have a few inside staterooms that will fit 5 people, my question is, do any of the newer ships have similar rooms or is it just those ships? Is there any way you could post a list of the ships that have rooms that fit 5, if you could, that would be great!


John Says:
Hello Doug

This is a great Q and A session. I have been called an odd duck……..and now I am a pancake …… even if it is a sugar free one. Thanks so much for those kind words of support, they mean so much. You have no idea how wonderful it was to hear about you and the family coming home to Carnival and that you all had a great time.

To answer your question, many cabins on the Fantasy-class can accommodate five guests.  Can I also draw your attention to the new Carnival Dream and your new Carnival Magic? They also have luxury family cabins with a double bed for Mum and Dad as well as two bunks and a sofa bed for the small one. Plus………..and this is a huge plus…………two bathrooms. Have a think about this and if you have any questions please would you let me know?

I am so happy you came home

Best wishes
John the Pancake

David Asked:
Dear John, (please reply)

I hope you are enjoying the Splendor; we had the rare privilege of sailing on her when she first went to Astoria during the swine flu last year.

A group is forming over on Cruise Critic for the 3 Oct Splendor to the Mexican Riviera. Since we will be in Cabo on the 8th of October and since Sammy Hagar is doing his Birthday bash that night, maybe you could convince him to come on board for some late afternoon entertainment, even one song on the Lido Deck before we sailed would be great. Ok wishful thinking I am sure.

Most of us from the CC board will be staying at that Hilton the night before the cruise. Is there any particular message you would like for us to leave with miss congenial?

I am not sure if the group is planning a meet and greet but if they do should we request from you a meeting place to be arranged? Not sure how that works.

When we sailed on the Paradise last year they had a show called “Extreme Country” that was the best performance we had seen to date, we are hoping for more of that and looking forward to the Live Karaoke. Will we also be seeing the new comedy club by October?

Keep the rotisserie turning?

John Says:
Hello David

I am indeed enjoying my time here on the Carnival Splendor. Wow, Sammy Hagar, I had no idea he was performing in P.V. ……..I am a huge fan and I am one of those who thought Van Halen was better off with him rather than without him.

Ahhhhh the Hilton………..I hope you are staying there and they don’t bump you to the Holiday Inn Express and you end up having to stay in the “sticky” room as I did! Have a chat with your group and if you would like me to organize a meet and greet for the first sea day I will be happy to do so. I will place a note in the Fun Times so you can all get together. Or, if you prefer I can do this on embarkation day, either way please let me know. We will have some great shows and I have a feeling you will love the Punchliner comedy shows and of course the Vroom show. I am looking forward to seeing you all and please let me know if you need that meeting.

Best wishes

Stefani Asked:

I want to start this off with thanking you for all you do and I really appreciate it. The last time I asked for something I got my treasured ship on a stick and my signed copy (of you and Heidi) of the Carnival Splendor. It is displayed in our house very nicely. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I have a favour (spelled correctly) to ask. I have cross referenced my cousins booking and our booking so that we can sit together, but I want to make sure it works out well. This is their first Carnival cruise and they are bringing their two older kids. The 6 of us would love to sit at a table with just us. I don’t think I have a preference on where we sit, but we would like a table for 6. We are sailing on the September 18th cruise of the Carnival Dream. We are so so so excited about it.

By the way, I am overly excited to try out our cove balcony. We have heard that the cabin we are in has issues with noise from the kitchen upstairs, but I think we will survive. My hubbie would love to try fishing from the cove balcony HA HA HA

I am slowly working on my clients (I am a TA) and other travel agents in my office to try Carnival. We will convert the world one customer at a time.

Thank you again for all you do. You are amazing at this job and your blog is wonderful.
Stefani (the right way to spell it)

John Says:
Hello Stefani (spelt correctly)

As always I am honoured (also spelt correctly) to try and help you and your friends sit together at dinner during your Carnival Dream cruise. I also want to say thanks so much for all the support that you give us during your job as a travel agent. If there is anything I can ever do for one of your clients please let me know.

Have a brilliant time

Best wishes

And that’s all for today. I am now exactly 3 weeks behind in my answers so as always thanks so much for your patience.

So what’s happening here? Well yesterday in P.V we had two gentlemen come to look at the orchestra pit which as you know got a rag caught in the mechanics last Saturday resulting in us not being able to perform the Fiesta Latina and Vroom shows. Well the news is that both men had beards…………oh and here is the report on what else happened from one of our technicians Kevin.

From: Larson, Kevin (CCL)
Sent: Wednesday, August 25, 2010 7:37 PM
Subject: SL pit lift update

Hi everyone,

Here is an update concerning the pit lift.

Today in PV 2 Engineers came on board to inspect the damage done and asses what repairs are needed.

We have worked with the on board Engineers to install three 2-ton chain blocks as a secondary support to prevent the lift from moving once we begin repairs. The Engineers are also installing four metal posts for the lift to rest on while repairs are being carried out.

They have ordered the needed parts and they are being sent to Long Beach for delivery on Sunday.

On Sunday, August 29th, two technicians will be signing on and sailing till PV to replace the damaged section. The projected time frame barring any complication puts them completing the job late Sunday night or early Monday afternoon.  With testing to be carried out on Tuesday.

If there are any questions please feel free to ask.

Kevin Larson

Thanks Kevin and thanks for working with the beards all day as you did. So in principal we will be able to get the pit working so that we can definitely perform Vroom and maybe Fiesta Latina as well……….which of course is great news. This week I have extra entertainers coming but the cast of dancers are very frustrated at not being able to perform. They are a new cast who only started these shows 2 weeks ago and are desperate to perform. Hopefully next week they will be able to do so. Oh one more thing……one of the entertainment technical managers is called Nick and his Mum is an avid blog reader. Hello Nick’s Mum…….you will be happy to know Nick is well and doing a fantastic job and you should be very proud of the work he does here. I know I am. He had some time off today to get his nipples pierced and he sends his love.

It was a very interesting idea from Susanne to include a roster of what assistant cruise directors are working on the ships. I know that often they are as visible as the cruise directors and certainly an energetic and fun assistant cruise director can make a big difference to the activities and fun that you have. Our ACD here is unfortunately leaving this coming Sunday and will take up the ACD position on the Carnival Freedom on September 4. He is a great guy and I will miss him a lot. So for those of you heading to the Carnival Freedom in the months ahead….. meet your ACD……….Jack Ryan…….yep that’s his name……..just like the Tom Clancy hero ……. Jack Ryan.












Jack will be replaced by the new ACD of the Carnival Splendor Marcello Alavarado and I will post his profile soon.

We are in Mazatlan today and it’s another humid day. We had no rain at all yesterday in P.V, which considering this is the rainy season is quite unusual. So despite being blamed for an oil spill and the guest who was upset about me reading that letter out at the morning show I think the guests are having a great time this cruise. I also think I am getting used to the Californian crowd more. They are different. There is no doubt about that but with a few subtle changes to the program and my own choice of attempted humour (spelt correctly) I think I am getting the hang of them. I have commented a few times about their style of dress on elegant night which is more relaxed. They still look smart but in a different more casual way. And if they get to casual then we don’t allow them in the dining room as you will see here in a report from one of the maitre d’s.

Guest: Ms ———–Ref: 842021105A
Cabin: ——– Added-Changed: 08/23/10 – 08/24/10


This evening Ms. __________ was stopped on entry to restaurant as she was wearing cut off jeans (holes in them) and a T-shirt.

It was pointed out to the guest that tonight was elegant night and that she was required to change.  Ms. ___________ was not happy and stated that she could eat at top restaurants in San Diego like this so she could on the ship. Guest also said that she was in a suite so she should be allowed to do what she wants. I apologized to her regarding this, but stated that I informed everyone last night in my speech (guests were present in the restaurant) and it was also mentioned by the Cruise Director and also in the Fun Times.  Ms _________ then stated that I was treating her as a “misfit” and requested the food delivered to her stateroom. I explained that we do not serve the restaurant meals in the stateroom.  Guest left very angry.

What’s fascinating about this is that the guest was probably wearing expensive jeans because I know these designer jeans with rips in them are bloody expensive. And it was also interesting that this lady stated that she could eat like this in expensive restaurants on land. And I am sure she probably can. I am not sure where I am going with this. I am not suggesting we should change our current dress code but it certainly proves that times are changing and fashion and what is deemed acceptable……is changing with it. It does pose the question……..should we change as well?

The last few days I have been posting three or four short comments a day on my Facebook page. I have ignored the fact that I had a Facebook page for many months but on the suggestion of one of mates who has recently opened a Facebook account as well, I decided to give it go. He told me that he thought it would be great for me, Carnival and the blog if I paid some attention ……………and he was right.

I have been able to give real time bits and pieces about what is happening as well as posting the first few lines of the blog hours before it’s posted and of course it has opened up a whole new area for Carnival fans to chat about…well………everything. Yesterday they were having a “live” chat about the current Carnival sale on www.carnival.com and the best early saver rates and upgrades etc.

Now I will still only answer questions from the blog. That decision is based purely on time …… I just don’t have time to answer questions from the blog and Facebook. But that hasn’t stopped so many daily comments……about 100 plus notification thingies, most of which I don’t know how to view properly yet.

More and more photos of me are being posted on there. Me as Dolly, me and Big Ed up to no good and there are now a total of 338 photos of me…….the latest is this one of me on the Carnival Sensation.


I have 3,800 friends and I wonder why people use this site so much. I am sure it is for different reasons and it’s hard to please everybody. A few months ago I got a comment on the blog I remember that said I was not using it properly because I’m not invested enough. I was apparently not updating people on my personal life. That’s because I have no social life. I work, I do shows, I blog, I poo and I sleep. The end.

One thing I have noticed is that everything on Facebook is accelerated. Friendships are established, invitations are accepted, and opportunities are created. But also, dreams are crushed. I know this because I found the Facebook page of a girl I used to have a huge crush on when I was 16.

I kissed her passionately at the school dance and never saw her again. I often wondered if she remembered that kiss and that stolen moment as we fumbled in the dark. Obviously the experience of being kissed and groped by me did indeed have a profound effect on her because her Facebook page proudly states……….she’s a lesbian.

Your friend

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.