Not Your Average Joe

September 10, 2010 -

John Heald

Good morning and let’s start with this comment.

Owen Walcott Asked:
John – please reply.

I came to your blog because I was told it was the only place where I could make a table for two request and that is for the Fantasy’s Christmas cruise our first on Carnival line. Reading a few entries I was horrified to read your mention of bodily functions. These have no place in modern society and I would think your employers would stop you and discipline you accordingly. I hope our social director on the Fantasy will not have the same puerile sense of humor as you.

Please confirm my reservation. We are in cabin E70

Owen Walcott

John Says:
Hello Owen Walcott

Thanks for taking the time to write and I will keep this request on file and nearer the time of your sailing I will indeed ask the maitre d for a table for 2. I know that my sense of humour (spelt correctly) is not for everyone so please let me apologize that it upset you. Your CD will be Risa Barnes who certainly is nothing like me and will make sure you have a wonderful Christmas cruise. Please let me know if there is anything else you need.

Best wishes

PS – Owen……I am going to discuss my sense of humour and my toilet references now so respectfully you may want to log off……maybe under the circumstances I shouldn’t have used the word “log”……………bugger.

Before I discuss this I have to get an image out of mind. Mr. Walcott mentioned that he felt Carnival should “discipline” me and now I have this image of me being spanked with a cricket bat by Gerry Cahill and I won’t even mention what he is wearing!

I know that I do mention now and then my bottom and the things it can do. You see, I was brought up on “poo humour” and it has stayed with me ever since.  We are all different. We look different, sound different and feel different. Some of us live in castles and some under a bridge in a cardboard box but the one thing we all have in common……….we all have bodily functions.

Let’s face it……….our bowels are a great leveler. Megan Fox and George Clooney are the most beautiful people on earth, but even they have suffered the odd bad meal, the piece of fish or dish of curry that turns the bathroom into a tropical stink chamber.  Ohhh…….I wouldn’t go in there if I were you……….Mr. Clooney has ring sting. It’s a comforting thought isn’t it?

And then there is farting. I love farting. There……..I have said it. My wife however does not. Heidi is grossly offended by what she sees as “performance farters”……people like me who think it’s acceptable to break wind for comic effect. In her book, that’s assault.

I guess one of the reasons I joke about “number twos” now and then on the blog thingy is that when you think about it, if you don’t laugh about toilets you would cry. Men readers of my daily musings will understand what I mean. Because men’s bogs (English for toilet) are disgusting.

This is the age of a car that can run on electricity and computers that can tell you anything about everything in a second or less yet here in 2010 are we still standing in a row at urinals, sloshing piss around.  It is unbelievable.

I realise I do sometimes go over the top and so to everyone I have ever offended by this, the  civilized human bloggers who believe it’s the sort of thing you should do behind closed doors ….. in silence…..with no ladies present…………..I apologise.

Time for today’s questions……… we trot.

Cheryl Pasint Asked:
Please reply

Dear John,

I hope you can help me…………I am so excited my husband and I are taking our first b2b on the carnival freedom on 10/17/10-10/23/10 and 10/23/10-1031/10…… here is what I can use your help………we are celebrating our 50th anniversary on 10/25/10 and I think the perfect gift for my husband would be a gold ship on a stick since this is our golden anniversary………is it possible for me to purchase one for him…….

I love reading your blog and would love to sail on a ship that you are on in the future……….

Thank you

John Says:
Hello Cheryl

No purchase necessary. It will be my pleasure to ask the cruise director on the Carnival Freedom to send you a trophy to celebrate this landmark anniversary. I hope you have a fantastic back to back cruise and we all send you our very warmest congratulations.

Best wishes

Patty and Bill Asked:
Dear John,

I want to say how wonderful you are. I had asked you for a table for two close to the dining room entrance for our Spirit cruise because my husband is blind. Not only did you do that for me but the champagne you sent and the note was so special. I read it to Bill and he was very emotional. The crew were very good but the star was our cabin steward Wayan who made a towel animal every night and made sure there was nothing but open space for my husband so that he did not fall. There have been lots of people who have said on here that they hate you doing things for people and I am here to tell them that they don’t know the difference little things you do make to people like me and Bill.

With much love
Patty and Bill

John Says:
Hello Patty and Bill

I am so happy that you had such a great cruise and it is super to know that everything I asked my friends on the Carnival Spirit to take care of got done. Please give Bill my best wishes and please also know that if there is anything you need for the next time you sail with us that I will be here once again ready to help. I will make sure Wayan gets to see your words of praise.

Best wishes

Lemur Asked:
John, reply

During a recent poll on cruise critic hundreds of people gave their opinions on the restaurant parades and songs with lots of us voicing our hatred of them. My view is that how do you ask people to get dressed up when you’re going to running a conga line through the dining room to a novelty song? Maybe it’s just me, but a fine dining experience doesn’t include watching a 30-something cougar bump-and-grind on the wait staff while wearing a prom gown that fits her like a sausage casing. One reason why we left Carnival and went to NCL and Princess. Get rid of them and me and others may come back


John Says:
Hello Lemur

I am so very sorry that you left the fun for all ships because of a dining room song and dance. I hope I can encourage you to take a look at the fun, as well as the overall affordability and value for money, that our cruise vacations give and that this will bring you home. We believe the parades are part of what we are and that our spirited guests really enjoy them. I truly hope we will see you again onboard.

Best wishes

Carrielea Asked:
Hi John, ** please reply **

My husband and I are leaving on the Triumph on 9/11 celebrating our 10 year anniversary! Our first cruise was on the Destiny on our honeymoon in 2000. We have since cruised 2 other times with Carnival, so this will be our fourth.

I booked early saver, and just received an upgrade to Verandah deck due to a current past guest special. We cannot wait, and the only thing that could make it better is if you were the C.D. However, I am sure it will be another wonderful Carnival experience. I was wondering if you could send a note or something to our room? I would love to have something from “John”. If not, no worries! We are currently to be in room 8255.

Thanks for the wonderful blog!

Your friend (the other West Wing addict),

John Says:
Hello Carrie

Congratulation son your upgrade and I am sure this will be your best cruise yet. It would be a pleasure to send you a little something and I will ask my mate Noonan who will be the CD for this voyage to do so on my behalf. Have a brilliant cruise and…….as Jed Bartlett would say “What’s next?”

Best wishes to you both

Mike Bridges Asked:

I hope this gets to you; I have subscribed and could not find any other way to contact you… I do have an unusual request that I will get to but first I would like to give you a brief background of my past cruising experiences. My first cruise was with Carnival in May 2009 on the Freedom (8 day Eastern) I didn’t think I would like it………. Boy was I wrong!!! I booked my 2nd cruise as soon as I got home and sailed again in Dec 2009 on the Valor. In the spring of this year the company I have been with for the past 32 years offered me a severance / retirement package, I have accepted this and will be retiring September 30, 2010. I could not think of a better place to celebrate this milestone than on a Carnival Cruise ship.

I will be on the Liberty for the Oct 30 2010 Eastern sailing; I have booked and paid for 7 cabins to accommodate the 14 guests I have invited to help me celebrate. (Booking # 20vs87)

The request that I have is rather unusual, 3 of my guests (my son and 2 of his friends) are musicians. When we were on the Valor last year I asked Big Tex if there would be any chance 2 of the boys that were with me could play in a guest participation type show. I completely respect his answer, He told me that the ship owns the drum kits but no guitars and he would not ask any of the musicians to lend personal instruments, completely understandable. What I would like to know is if there is any possibility of them being able to perform on the Liberty if they bring their own instruments? We are all coming from Canada and would not wish to go to the trouble of transporting guitars if there is no possibility that they could perform.

They are very professional and 2 members of the band were on our last Valor cruise, upon their return wrote a song titled Valor which describes the great time they had on board. You can hear it at their website

Not only am I choosing Carnival to host my retirement party but I am also offering to bring my own band!! But seriously I loved all of the entertainment that Carnival has provided on all of the cruises I have taken, this is one of the many reasons I will keep returning

It would be extremely gratifying to my son’s band as well as myself if this request were possible.

If this is too tall of a request I will understand and I will not hold it against you, you guys treat us far too good for that to happen.

Thank you for your time, can’t wait for the 30th

John Says:
Hello Mike

I am glad you took the time to write to me and it’s always brilliant to hear about new cruise converts, people who umm and ahhh about whether they will like it or not and then get hooked ……………for life. We often get asked by guests if they can use the drums, guitars, saxophones etc but as you said, they do belong to the musicians and not Carnival so you can understand that they don’t want to hand them out to anyone. The pianos are owned by Carnival and are available to use by people who can play. I am sure though that if the lads bring their own instruments that we can have them play in the talent show or with one of the bands. Let me send this on to the CD of the Carnival Liberty Kyle and ask him to see what can be done. I am though pretty certain that this should not be a problem. I hope you have a wonderful cruise and that your retirement is a long and happy one. Please let me know all about your cruise when you get home.

Best wishes to you all

Lisa Asked:
Hello John,

I hope you can be of some assistance or perhaps a few passengers may offer guidance.

My husband and I were very much looking forward to our 16th wedding anniversary. We decided to celebrate with a cruise. We spoke with a number of people that frequent Carnival, and were pleased with the feedback we received and booked a one week cruise on the Carnival Glory, out of Miami, Florida sail date on January 17th, 2010.

While trying to obtain my husband’s birth certificate through the local clerk’s office, we were denied. It was discovered that the last name on my husband’s birth certificate is different from the last name he is known by and has used for 40 years! This problem came with legal implications, problems abound.

One can only imagine our utter shock, disbelief and disappointment.

Given the situation, we were informed by many agencies that this problem will not be rectified in time for our January 2010 cruise departure.

It took months to rectify the problem. My husband had to petition the court for a name change, information had to be published in the local paper. NYS had to issue a new birth certificate… the events were mind boggling to say the very least.

Our travel agent was able to find another departure with a date and location that both my husband and I are interested in. The ship is the, Glory, which departs Miami on Jan 14th, 2011for a 7 day cruise.

Our travel agent informed us that Carnival issues a $500.00 cancellation fee. It is my intent to reschedule, not outright cancel and forgo our vacation.

I wrote a detailed letter to Carnival. I asked Carnival for understanding, with this life changing matter and a matter that was totally unforeseen by us. We are asking that the $500.00 penalty be waived and allow us to reschedule our departure with Carnival for Jan 2011. I was hoping the $500.00 retained by Carnival would be applied to our cruise that is booked for Jan, 2011.

Our request was denied not once, but twice by Carnival. Also, our travel insurance did not recognize our unusual situation.

We are still very much looking forward to our cruise vacation, with that we would like to utilize Carnival cruise line for all our future cruise vacations. With the information I have, we have already spoken of booking an additional cruise, for Jan 2012 this time with our children.

I asked that they consider our unfortunate circumstance, and provided court documents to prove our plight. I provided our agents contact information. Will find our agents contact information,

We were ultimately denied, even after several requests by Carnival for more documentation.

At this point, is there any way to have the penalty that was with held applied to our current reservation?

Help or comments would be greatly appreciated…

(Yes luckily, my last name stayed the same and we are legally married)

John Says:
Hello Lisa

Thanks so much for taking the time to write. it seems like you have had a very frustrating time with all of this and I will certainly send this to someone at vice president level to see if anything further can be done. Please let me know what happens and if you can send me a posting a few weeks before you sail with your cabin number etc.

Best wishes to you both

Ashley Strange Asked:
Hello john

let me just tell you I been reading your blog so I can pass the 45 days I have left until I am sailing on the dream on October 2nd. I have a question though on my last cruise I cheated on carnival and went with princess I know it is no consolation that it was her sister company but I can assure you it meant nothing lol and we spent the whole time comparing to carnival. While on princess I did the chef’s table but I had to run around like crazed foodie when I got on board not to mention stalk the maître-d in order to get reservations because as you know space is limited. I really want to do the chef’s table on the dream since we prefer carnivals food over princess anyhow do you have any idea how I can make reservations ahead of time???

John Says:
Hello Ashley Strange

I am glad you have been enjoying the blog thingy recently as you get ready to cruise your Carnival Dream. The Chef’s Table experience on your Carnival Dream is outstanding and of course I would be honoured (spelt correctly) to confirm a reservation for you. Please post again with the title Chef’s Table Reservation and include the ship, sailing date, cabin number and number of people you would like the reservation for. Once I get this a week later you will receive a confirmation e mail from the ship. Have a brilliant time and if you can please write after you sail and tell us all about The Chef’s Table experience.

Best wishes

Anchorman Asked:
Reply needed

John, suggest you lose weight quickly otherwise there may be a vacancy for a cruise director position at carnival cruise lines. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

John Says:
Hello Anchorman

Thanks for health tip, I truly appreciate it. I am indeed on a diet and its going well …. Slow …… but well. Thanks for caring so much.

Best wishes

Lynne Asked:
Hi John, Please Reply

My husband and I will be on the Splendor with you for the October 17th sailing. We will be with a group of about 38 people otherwise known as the Saints and Sinners. I believe they were on the Legend last year when you were the CD. Unfortunately we were not able to join them on that cruise. We were very excited to hear that you were going to be the CD on this cruise as well.

I was wondering if you could help me with something.

My husband aka Peewee and I are taking this cruise to celebrate our 20th Anniversary. Our Anniversary was actually August 9th but we prefer to cruise in October. I have been racking my brain to try to come up with a special surprise for him but I can’t come up with any ideas. I have already made Steakhouse reservations for October 22 (Cabo Day) because that is the 22nd Anniversary of our first date. He is the most wonderful husband in the world. He always puts my wants and needs first and asks for nothing in return. He always says “As long as you’re happy, I’m happy”. Do you have any ideas for me?

Thanks in advance

Lynne Asked:
Hello Lynne

I am very happy to know that the Saints and Sinners are coming to sail with me again. I had so much fun with them last time and I am very happy that you will be able to join them this time. Please leave me a nice Dear John letter at the guest services desk when you board and then I will read it out on my Morning Show which hopefully will be a nice surprise followed up by a little gift as well. I will see you so then and until then I send you both my best wishes


Cynthia Harty Asked:
John Please Reply!


My family (Daughter, Son-In-Law, and Granddaughter, age 5) traveled onboard the Carnival Conquest in April/May 2010. Your daily shows, information, and conversation were outstanding. I did not have a chance to visit the show in person, however, we frequently watched you on the room television and on the Jumbo Screen. You are truly a treasure as I am sure Carnival must realize. You and several of the dining staff, Paula Prislin and her crew, as well as Milica, the Wine Steward, were the positive and delightful parts of the cruise.

This was our first time cruising with Carnival. It will most likely be our last. I was most disappointed with Jeannette Mojica, Personal Vacation Planner. We had booked our cruise in 2008. Due to family issues we were forced to postpone our travel. When we originally reserved the cruises in 2008, we purchased cruise insurance. When we postponed, we did not lose our deposits however Carnival did not refund the entire amount but rather held it on credit as the original deposit was made with Script. We decided to reschedule and made our reservations in the fall of 2009 for a cruise leaving April 26th, 2010. We contacted Jeannette Mojica, Personal Vacation Planner once again. We requested the same type of rooms, insurance, and etc. as had been chosen on the first reservation. We paid for the cruise far in advance. In the beginning of 2010 I was laid off. We called Carnival to change the reservations to the Splendor out of California rather than the Conquest out of Galveston. This way we would save on transportation costs. We requested the same sail dates. We were informed that there was no insurance on the reservation as we had requested and if we wished to change we would refund our entire deposits. Not only had Ms. Mojica not adhered to our request, after making our reservations, we never heard from her again until after we returned and she sends us messages offering us another cruise. The title Personal Vacation Planner does not apply to her in any sense. In addition to not taking into consideration our needs with a small child and in other areas, she never once contacted us to determine if we had even enjoyed our cruise.

Miss Mojica was aware that we had a 5 year old child with us. She reserved cabins at the back of the ship and upon arrival we discovered that the Camp Carnival was at the front of the ship. This was not my first cruise; however it was my first time to reserve a room with a balcony. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered on the first day my cabin was between two cabins occupied by smokers. I was unable to use my balcony the entire cruise. When I mentioned this fact to the steward, he simply told me they were allowed to smoke there. The final nights of the cruise were rough beyond belief due to being at the back of the ship and on higher decks.

I personally served 20 years of Active Duty in the United States Navy and I am retired. Part of my enlistment was served onboard a Submarine Tender. I qualified as a Surface Warfare Specialist. While we were onboard the Conquest, I approached Guest Services to inquire if I could arrange a visit to the Bridge. I explained that I had been in the Navy and did not want to go on the entire tour of the ship, that I was interested only in visiting the Bridge. The answer I received was “We don’t do that.” I would not have been nearly as offended had they at least said, “Let me check and we will contact you as soon as we find out.” I apologize for not contacting you while on the cruise, but we felt it was most important to spent time with the family and make the best of it all and address it later.

What made me contact you now? I continue to receive messages from Ms. Mojica, attempting to sell us another cruise. I receive another message today. She has yet to ask if we enjoyed our last cruise.

As I mentioned, we enjoyed you and several others. I remain disappointed in Ms. Mojica and Guest Services.

Thank you for your time and your efforts.

Best wishes for continued success.
Cynthia Harty, PN1(SW), U.S. Navy Retired

John Says:
Hello Cynthia Harty

Let us start with the most important part of my reply and thank you so much for your many years of service. It is thanks to people like you that we all have the freedom to cruise and to lead the lives we choose. Now then to the second most important part of this reply and that is to apologize that your experience with your personal vacation planner did not meet your expectations. I know she will be very upset when she reads this (which she will) and will certainly learn by the mistakes that have been made. I am surprised though that she did not call to ask if your previous cruise was one that you enjoyed. I know that is usually part of what they do and to me it is the most important part of customer service. Following up on a previous cruise and discussing anything that we could do better the next time should be and must be the bread and butter of our reservation staff. Now, I am going to send this to someone at vice president level. I am doing this because you took the time to write and because we need to learn by our mistakes.

As for the visit to the bridge. Well, we do have the Behind the Fun tour which does indeed visit the command centers of the bridge and engine control room but apart from that we are under strict orders as per company policy not to allow anyone else to the bridge. The guest services desk gets many such requests each day and obviously we have to say a polite no straight away. This is a result of the world we live in which I am sure more than most you understand. Now if the guest services associate was not polite then that’s not good enough and again if that’s the case please let me apologize. You will be hearing from someone about your experience very soon and I hope that you will think back to the positives you wrote about before deciding if or not we will see you again. I will do all I can to make that so. If you have a follow up to this please let me know

Best wishes

Clair Asked:
Hi John (please reply when you can),

My husband and I just returned from a fabulous cruise on the Carnival Spirit! We had a blast. While I wrote all of this on our comment card, I was wondering if you could please pass on the below comments to the correct departments?

The only questionable thing we encounter the entire cruise had to do with the drink service in the dining room. The first few nights we saw the bar hostess (sorry, not sure of the correct title) somewhere between the first and the second course and then eventually received our drinks half way through the main course. As the cruise went on, the later she showed up at our table.

Now, on to the good stuff…

#1. The ship – I have fallen in love the Carnival Spirit and probably would feel the same about all of the Spirit class ships. The Carnival Spirit is easy to navigate and the decor is very subtle.

#2. The CD – Stuart Dunn was a fun CD. He was entertaining and funny. I realize he probably says 90% of the same jokes and things to each week’s cruise crowd, but he never came across as rehearsed or fake. He seemed very down to earth, which I enjoyed.

#3. Room Steward – Emmanuel (we were in stateroom 8168) was fantastic. Not only was he good at his job (called us by name each and every time he saw us) but he was very personable.

#4. Dining Room Waiter and his assistant – I’m sorry but I have totally forgotten both of their names (my bad!). We were at table 406 and they both were a pleasure to see each night.

#5. The Big Easy show was our favorite of the cruise and our second favorite just behind Dancing in the Streets on the Carnival Dream.

Thanks John for reading all of this.

John Says:
Hello Clair

A very good way to finish today’s Q and A with this brilliant review of your Carnival Spirit cruise. I will be sending this to all concerned and  I was especially pleased to hear that you were addressed by name by Emmanuel, your stateroom steward, as this something that we really encouraging all our service staff to do as we know it makes such a difference when they do. Thanks so much then for these words of praise which I will send to the VP in the office who is in charge of the Spirit class ships and he in turn will send with his note of congratulations to the vessel. I hope we see you again and I remain here at your service

Best wishes

That’s all for today. It’s been a very interesting week of comments and as always I thank you for each and every one of them.

Let’s take a break and while I play with Kye for a few minutes (she has been pulling on my shirt to get some attention for 5 minutes now) I will leave you with some photos taken by Gary Brierley who many of you will know was the assistant CD when we brought out the ship I am on now. He didn’t stay very long because he was so good he deserved a chance to be CD. Well you will be glad to know that he is doing a fantastic job and I am very proud of him. Gary is from the third world…….or Manchester as it’s known ……..and here is Gary to tell you about something he saw bearing the name of the UK city where he is from.

Hello Everyone

Gary here.

I may have brought 100,000 tons of fun to Grand Turk, but my Mancunian friends from the Royal Navy brought along 2x20mm Oerlikon guns, 1x130mm MK 8 gun, 2x Twin Sea Dart Missiles……oh and on the back was a Lynx Helicopter armed with 4 x Anti Ship Missiles and 2 x Anti Submarine Torpedoes….. They won this round! So it turns out after speaking to one of the officers that they were on a Natural Disaster Training Exercise as it is Hurricane Season.  They were very nice, but apparently just because I am from Manchester as well, doesn’t mean I can go and stand on the gangway….. didn’t realize that one.

CD gig is going really well (I hope… maybe you could tell me more on that J) I am just grateful for any chance I am getting at the moment to act. I am leaving the Carnival Destiny on the 11th and then will go to cruise on the Spirit for 9 days…. Then it’s off to New York to take over on the Carnival Glory for a couple of months. So yeah all is great at the moment, still having fun.

Hope to cruise with you all soon

It’s time to play judge. As you know we recently launched the new website featuring a wonderful fly through look at how your new ship will look inside. One of the areas that grabbed everyone’s attention was of course the RedFrog Pub. This is when we asked for your help in designing the coasters that will sit on the pub tables waiting for a pint of beer to be rested on it. Thousands of you came up with RedFrog Pub slogans and now it’s time for you to judge your favourite.  Here’s how………just click on and then you will be directed by someone with a beard on what to do. Carnival refused my entry “What do you call a sun burnt man from Paris?……a Red Frog.” Nope, they didn’t like that. Happy judging.

Oh and talking of judging, it’s always nice to see when one of the Carnival staff does well outside of the ships. Have a look at this chap. His name is Rodrigo Alvarado who is production singer who has just finished a contract on the Carnival Destiny. He started as a photographer with Carnival and here he is appearing on the Australian version of American Idol………it’s called The X Factor………and I think he has it.

I remember the first time I walked on a Carnival ship as a crew member back in 1987 and amongst all the emotions of being far away from home and not truly understanding what I was doing, one of the emotions I had was the same one everyone of you had when you walked on a Carnival ship….that emotion is best described as “WOW.” And much of that “WOW” came thanks to one man who has given every Carnival ship an identity of fun, laughter and gave us a total escape from our everyday lives. Of course I am talking about the incomparable Mr. Joe Farcus.

Joe has been responsible for the interior design of every one of the ships that you have taken a cruise on. His head-turning designs and bold use of colours gave us all so much to talk about and more than anything made us all truly feel like we were on vacation. His public areas were truly entertaining…….he was and is an entertainment architect.

Joe has though decided to concentrate on more personal time, although he continues to be the lead architect on your Carnival Magic. Carnival is still proud to be working with Joe but at age 66, he has advised us of his desire to scale back some of his professional commitments at this juncture in his career.

As for your Carnival Breeze, well Joe will work closely with a company in Hamburg, Germany called Partnership Design who will be the lead designers for your Carnival Breeze. Joe will still leave his mark on this ship, however, as both the theater and the casino will bear his legendary and colorful design.

It is often forgotten that Joe has done and will continue to design the interiors of the Costa ships as well. I have seen many of these and it is quite extraordinary that this man can go from designing something that screams fun and excitement to designing an interior that as soon as you board you feel like you are about to live La Dolce Vita which of course means “the good life” ….. Italian style.

Partnership Design gave life to the stunning AIDA also designed some of the public spaces for P&O’s Ventura and Azura.

You may not know this but for those of you who have told me how much you love the new water parks and resort pools on the Fantasy class ships…..well that was Partnership Design. So I think it’s fair to say that there are exciting times ahead and there is no doubt that your Carnival Breeze will have a brand new Carnival look about her…….exciting isn’t it?

I asked myself a question just now……what is my favourite Joe-Farcus-designed lounge?…. well that’s too difficult to keep to one answer. I think it would be the Michelangelo’s Lounge on Carnival Sensation, Carnival Legend atrium and, of course, Winston’s Cigar Bar on Carnival Valor. I asked the same question on my Facebook thingy and many mentioned their Carnival Dream atrium, Carnival Conquest’s promenade and even the Admiral’s Library on the Celebration. What is your favourite?

One thing is for certain, if there was a trivia quiz taken by 1,000 cruise ship fanatics and one of the questions was “name a cruise ship interior architect…….I bet the most popular answer by a long way would be… Mr. Joe Farcus.

We will talk more with him here on the blog as we get closer to saying hello to your Carnival Magic but for now……let’s just say thank you Joe for all that you have done and will do and thank you………. for the fun.

Well, it’s been a great week both with the guests and of course having the family here. I have spoken a lot about how much I miss Kye but little about how much I miss Heidi…….oh at this point let me say goodbye to a few readers who have said “fat bastard’s talking about his wife family again so I am off to the cruise boards to post a rumor that Carnival is going to charge for ice tea again”………bye……..anyway, I do miss Heidi so much and it has been wonderful to have her here.

Last night she got all romantic and when I returned from the show I found she had run both of us a bath. The concept of sharing a bath has never been one I have been able to handle. I like certain things just to myself. My own Chinese takeaway choice……no you can’t try a bit of mine……… my plasma screen, and my chair at home. Sharing a bubble bath is not something I enjoy. The water always gets cold quickly and I get a faucet shoved up my arse. Anyway, I got back to the cabin and Heidi and the bath were waiting.

There were little lights round the edge of the tub ……. and there was a Diet Coke for me and a glass of red wine for Heidi. There was some Michael Buble playing softly and realising that she had gone to so much effort I decided not moan and go along with her because I loved her and she loved me and all was wonderful, romantic and could have led to some rumpy pumpy…………right up to the moment when I stood up, turned round and bent over to search for the soap.


Your friend

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.