October 12, 2010 -

John Heald

Guest: Ms ——–Ref: 842081329A
Cabin: ————— Added-Changed: 10/11/10 – 10/11/10


Ms—– came to the GSD to say that she was sailing on her own and that she had not met any friends yet and wants the Cruise Director to introduce her to other single people. GSA asked guest if she went to the singles party last night and guest said she did but nobody spoke to her. Guest was then crying at desk so GSA took her to lobby and sat with her. Tasked to CD.

Goodness me I felt sorry for this guest when I read this and I was determined to help her. She is in her mid thirties and to hear that someone of that age is traveling on her own and crying on the second day of her cruise made me feel so very sorry for her and I will tell you more about what happened shortly.

But first I have to say that I have always had the greatest admiration for the single cruiser because I personally could never vacation alone. Just asking for a table for one as I often have to do makes me feel like total crap so I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to see all those couples and families walking along the promenade together. I know from experience what couples do on vacation…….they argue…… least as a single traveler you have nobody to slowly fall out of love with.

I know several bloggers who cruise on their own and I think they are very brave to do so and of course we do all we can to make sure they have fun. But single traveling is not for everyone. I have a friend who works on our ships who was married for 17 years and who recently got divorced and decided to take a trip on his own. He went on the Orient Express from France to Italy and around Europe where he read books and stared out of the window into a landscape of unending bugger all, until he wound up drinking heavily just to get it over with quicker. He said he would never do another vacation on his own ever again. It was fine during the day because you can visit the sites of the country the train stopped in or walk round museums with his EyePod on, but in the evenings he said, there’s not much he could do except eat alone in restaurants or sit alone in bars and the other passengers on the train were such snobs that they would not even say hello.

And I know how he feels. As I said, a table for one is about as much fun as getting your thingy caught in a mousetrap. I am guessing though that If you’re a woman it’s a bit easier, because you get chatted up now and then, which can be amusing, but for me, well my experiences have been me sitting there, reading a book while couples walk past thinking “I’m not surprised he’s alone, the ugly fat bastard.” So eventually you’ll get so lonely you’ll start talking to yourself as I often find myself doing in the cabin.

There are other options, of course, take a cruise or a vacation with a singles group. Personally, I couldn’t do that either. I mean no disrespect to those who do but me…….I just couldn’t do it. I just don’t want to go on a cruise with a bunch of strangers. What if a really annoying jabbering, bearded bloke latches on to me on the first day and decides I’m his best mate and won’t leave me alone, and I’m stuck with him in the cabin and he asks me if “I want a cuddle” and then I feel his beard tickling my face and then I beat him to death with the bedside lamp and have to hide the body in the safe. So, as I said I have a lot of respect for the single cruiser and please, outside of asking for less to pay, if there is anything you think we can do better for our single guests please let me know.

Now, back to the lady who wanted to make new friends. It turns out she wanted us to help her meet new friends indeed, but she was very specific because she wants men, not women, men, single men, any man. She is seated at a table with five other single guests but she wants a different table with…..yep men. So I asked the maitre d to change her table which he has and we have suggested that she go to the piano bar tonight where Russell our entertainer there will introduce her to some potential suitors.

Short of that and having her walk around the ship holding a sign that says “GET IT HERE” …….. there is bugger all else I can do.

Time for today’s questions……… we go.

David Laurence Asked:
John (please respond)

“Idiots” — “simple demands” — what kind of person speaks or acts like that. That says a whole lot about whoever made the post — someone definitely to be ignored.

My wife and I took our youngest daughter (12) on our first ever cruise in June on the Paradise (we celebrated our 30th anniversary the day before the trip) and absolutely loved every minute of it. I wouldn’t trade our broken-English-speaking room steward (from Thailand) or main dining room waiter Alex (from the Philippines) for the world. Their service, attentiveness, smiles, and personal greetings were genuine and we truthfully hated to leave. (In fact, on a recent business trip to Sacramento I took my wife and daughter along. My daughter couldn’t believe that we didn’t have turn-down service and towel animals at the hotel. I had to remind her what the real world is like — outside of Carnival cruises!)

We can’t wait to cruise again next June — this time on the Splendor. Any chance you will be doing an encore stint as CD? If not, is there any way to get a DVD of the Bedtime Story? I hear so much about it but haven’t had the opportunity to see it.

Keep up the great work, we love the blog (I find more than a few similarities between you and your wife and me and mine – body size, room temperature, farting…) and ignore the critics!

Dave (and Shelly) L.

John Says:
Hello David Laurence

I am so grateful to you for highlighting our wonderful crew. While their English may not be letter perfect, the service and fun they provide is as you said to be commended. It also seems we have lots in common and let’s hope one day soon we get to cruise with each other so we can discuss our similarities. Until then let me say thank you once again for those very kind words and your support.

Best wishes to you and the family

Stephanie Asked:

I love Carnival!! I will soon be taking my 3rd cruise with CCL in the past 2 years; I will be sailing on 03/12/11 on the Dream (Eastern) with my 17 year old daughter to celebrate her high school graduation. This is my daughter’s 2nd cruise with CCL. We’re both super-excited about the Dream; We’ve sailed on the Inspiration and had wonderful experiences…but the Dream is so BIG. We cannot wait!!

My question is this…since my daughter Dakota wanted to go on another cruise instead of getting a class ring or going on a traditional spring break trip to the beach with her friends….is there anything you could do to recognize her hard work in high school (she will graduate with a 4.3+ GPA, even while having a part-time job for the last 2 years)? I am SO proud of her, and anything you could do would be much appreciated.

Thank you so much John, for all your hard work. Best wishes to you and yours…

John Says:
Hello Stephanie

You excitement for your forthcoming cruise on your Carnival Dream shines through in your posting and I am sure this amazing ship will not let you down. I would be honoured to recognize your daughter who you must be so very proud of. Can I ask a favour (spelt correctly) from you though? As your cruise is some time away please can you re-send this request on November 10th? It will then appear on my Q and A list around two weeks before you sail and I will then ask the CD on your Carnival Dream to help me with your request.

Keep that excitement going because it’s a joy to read.

Best wishes to you both

Lisa Divers-Nelson Asked:

Hi John, this is the first time that I’ve ever posted. My husband and I will be sailing on the Dream on 11/13/2010; we have anytime dining, is there a way to request a table for two in the main dining room? We’ve had a rough couple of years, but we’re still together and this cruise is our way of “starting over” and trying to rekindle the lost spark, it will be seven years for us. It would be nice to look forward to a romantic dinner each night. I don’t know if there is anything you can do, but whatever the outcome, I want to say that I love your blog!

John Says:
Hello Lisa Divers-Nelson

Thanks for your first posting and was sorry to read that you have had a rough couple of years. If I am reading this right you are asking for a table for two for your YTD assignment. I will certainly ask the maitre d on the ship to see if he can help you as often as possible. If I am reading this incorrectly and you want to swap from YTD to assigned dining please let me know. I hope the years ahead are full of happiness and that this cruise is the start of that rejuvenation.

Best wishes to you both

Jo Ann Asked:

Hi, John – it’s me again …… John Thompson even though my name is Jo Ann — you remember! I hate to bother you but this is our 8th cruise and each and every time we HOPE that we will get a good table (a round table in the center of the dining room) but with the exception of our first cruise, we have always been stuck in a corner – oh my, was it something we did? No, I know it’s just a coincidence (I hope) but I wondered if you could put in a word for us – there are three couples in 3 different staterooms. We are sailing to the Panama Canal on the Freedom on 10/23/10. Can you put in a word for us with the powers that be? Thanks so much, John and keep up the wonderful work – I especially love your new Facebook comments – a good laugh several times a day now!

John Says:
Hello Jo Ann

Yes indeed I do remember you and I think it’s time we bring you out of the naughty corner so I will ask the maitre d on the Carnival Freedom to do his best to help you. I know you will love the cruise down to Panama and Costa Rica and I wish you all a brilliant time.

Please tell us all about it when you get home.

Best wishes

Karen (formerly Techmom) Asked:
Dear John (please reply)

July 30th was my last day of work. The company I worked for was sold and I did not go with the new company. I had a little interest in the company so I am better off than others and thank God for that. So, what did I do??? I booked a cruise on the Carnival Legend for 8/28 with my friend. We left our husbands home!

When we got to our cabin and I looked at the Fun Times I was thrilled to see Jen Baxter as our CD. I glanced at the schedule on your blog and thought it was going to be Ralph. You see Jen was on the Carnival Conquest with my son when Hurricane Ike hit and Bryon said many good things about her. I sooooo agree-she was wonderful and I would say the best CD I have had so far. (Jaime on the Pride is great too but she was ACD). Jen and I talked and she was sure to acknowledge me when she saw me all week. It rained the morning we were docked in Cozumel and she quickly added activities on the ship to accommodate the passengers. She was present at many of the activities that I was at and was always pleasant and looked to be having a great time. I told her that I would have to pay attention to the schedule for my next booking. I know she said she was heading to the Carnival Spirit and then the Carnival Splendor.

So a quick review-this was my 3rd Spirit class cruise with my 4th taking place in December on the Carnival Miracle. I love this class of ships. We stayed in the aft pool and enjoyed the no children policy. There were 142 honeymoon couples on the ship and we met 2 of them and enjoyed their company all week. We ate in the MDR only 3 evenings (not my choice as we have traveled as couples before with this friend and they prefer the buffet). We had Your Time Dining. I wrote down the name of the waiter we had for 2 of the nights and of course can’t find the paper. He asked our names the first night and remembered the 2nd time. He was excellent and I am sorry that I will botch his name here-Eustamine?

Our room steward (Cabin 4142) was also great. He gave us clean beach towels every day which I have never had before.

Ports-We have been to Grand Cayman and Cozumel before so we just got off and wandered around to the shops. I was disappointed in Cozumel because the Carnival Conquest docked in a different location which I liked better. Isle of Roatan we did the Mahogany Beach and it was beautiful. The heat index said it was 114 degrees so we pretty much stayed in the water the whole time. Belize we did not get off the boat. Readers here might say why go to the Ports if you are not going to get off but we were just looking for a relaxing, sitting by the pool, being on the ship, drinking and playing the slots type of vacation.

The Big Easy show was amazing! I was on the Carnival Spirit in May and was ill the night of this show so was happy that I would get to see it. Knowing behind the scenes things I meant to ask where they keep that very, very large dress in the last scene!

As we were without spouses, we were sure to ask the officers if we could have our picture taken with them. They were happy too and when I came home and showed Bryon the picture he told me to look at my pictures from the Carnival Paradise as the captain was the same. Also, again another first for me, the captain wandered around quite a bit and was quite visible.

Our cabin was obstructed view and we loved it. We were hardly ever in the room and were shocked that we stayed up until 1am each night. We went to the shows, danced to the band Celebration and loved, loved the comedians.

We had a great time and took advantage of all the cruise had to offer.

Now for the part I need help with. We are on the Carnival Miracle on December 5th. I would like to book the Chef’s Table for 4 of us as I know there is limited space. Please let me know what you need from me to book it.

John, Thank you for all you do. Your job is endless and there are many, many here who appreciate you.

Karen (formerly Techmom)

John Says:
Hello Karen formerly Techmom

Well that’s a great review for the ship and for Jen the CD. I know many guests who would agree with you that she is a wonderful person who has a true passion for her job. I will make sure I send your words of praise to her and the rest of the ship and I know they will enjoy reading it immensely.

The large Mardi Gras dress you referred to collapses into pieces and is stored backstage. It’s a very clever design that our stage creators did and one of many that are made with limited storage in mind. It’s incredible what they can do. It is all designed and created by a company called Scenery First and I thought you might like to have a look at their website and see some of the extraordinary work they do. Here is the link thingy\

I have sent your request for the Chef’s Table to the Carnival Miracle and you will receive confirmation soon. Thanks again for the brilliant review and my best wishes to you and your family.


CruisnBill Asked:
John reply please

I remember an entertainer called Michael Andrews who used to work with you on the Ecstasy. He would walk around the boat dressed as a nerd character but would then turn into the most amazing Sinatra impersonator I have ever heard. What became of him?


John Says:
Hello Bill

I have such wonderful memories of Michael and our time together. Indeed, he would do the best nerd impression and have everyone fooled by doing silly things around the ship. His show was billed as something “where anything could happen” and indeed it did as he went from nerd to amazing singer and entertainer. Michael went on to become a bestselling recording artist and to find out where you can see him perform now, have a look at his website. Here it is.

I hope you get a chance to see him perform again and if you do please send him my warmest regards.

Best wishes

Julia Asked:
Hi, John. **please reply to let me know whether you are able to pass our gratitude along to the crew members listed below**

First, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to help my friend and I secure a reservation for the Chef’s Table on our Freedom cruise last week. It was a phenomenal experience and I could go on and on about it but all I am going to say is Wow! It is definitely an experience that I hope to repeat on future cruises as well.

I don’t know if the comment cards had already gone away during our sailing (9/5-9/11) but we couldn’t find one to fill out. I wanted to tell someone though that we were extremely pleased with the excellent service and friendliness of our room steward, Pedro on the Panorama deck. No need to go into everything that he did for us. Just know that he was superb to say the least.

We were also quite enamored with one particular wait team in the Chic dining room. We had YTD and tried to dine with the wait team of Dennis, Cesar and Carlo as often as we could. They each went out of their way to ensure that we had everything we needed (and then some) and that each meal was a memorable experience. They are the best wait team that I have had the pleasure of dining with on any of my Carnival cruises. They definitely deserve recognition for their hard work and desire to please their diners.

A couple of other mentions — when we were unable to dine in Dennis and crew’s section, we were treated exceptionally well by two other servers. One was Tibor and the other was an assistant server named Alejandro who was working on head server Imade’s team. Both Tibor and Alejandro were outstanding at their jobs and always took the time to stop and chat with us for a bit even when we weren’t dining in their section.

This overall dining experience that we experienced on the Freedom (as well as too many other things to list) contributed to a fabulous cruise and I am already looking to book my next one. Because I am active duty Army, I often have difficulty planning too far in advance. However, I know I have some time off in late November/early December and am looking to do a solo cruise. Because of the experience that I had on the Freedom last week, I am considering sailing her again (and also because I have a secret crush on the CD Ryan) but I am also seriously considering heading out west to sail with you. I need to hurry up and make up my mind, I guess. (I guess my crush on Ryan is not so secret anymore, huh?)

Anyway, thanks again for your help. Thanks also for the daily laughs from the blog thingy and please extend our sincere thanks to the people mentioned above as well as their supervisors.

Have a great day and enjoy your time with your family. Although I am single and can’t relate to the separation from a spouse and/or child, I have been geographically separated from my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, etc. for the 19 years that I have been in the Army. I know that not being with them on a daily basis is very difficult. Take care,


John Says:
Hello Julia

Thanks so much for this fantastic review and yes, we have indeed stopped the onboard review cards. It seems that not everybody is getting the online cards and I am looking into this for you and everyone else who has asked me why. There are many great reasons to take a Carnival cruise including value for money, the ships, the ports and of course the fun. But of course it’s the crew who many point out have made it their best vacation ever and judging by the many you named in your review it was the crew on the Carnival Freedom who made the difference. Thanks also for the kind words of support and for your 19 years of service. While I would never dare suggest that what I do is in anyway similar to what you and the other brave men and women do, I do miss the family so much when I am away from them.

So thanks again for this great review which I have forwarded to the ship and the VP in charge.

Please let me know if I can help you the next time you cruise with us.

Best wishes

Berniec Asked:
Hi John (344 Stephanies, please respond)

Could you please tell me what months John will be on the Magic 2011? We are planning our cruise and want it to be when he and Heidi will be on board.
Thanks so much

John Says:
Hello Berniece

How kind of you to ask. I will be on your Carnival Magic from the start in May through thru trans-Atlantic crossing and then the first few cruises out of Galveston. I will take one or maybe two cruises off in August but I am not certain about that yet. Heidi and Kye will be with me for as much time as they can and being so close to home it will much easier than the 11 hour flight they just did.

It’s an honour to know you are thinking of joining me and I hope that you do. If there is any further questions you have please let me know.

Best wishes

Corina Kalivoda Asked:
Dear John,

I am writing to you with a small request and hope you can assist me.

For several months I tried to come up with something for my parents 50th Wedding Anniversary. One day I had this vision to send them on a cruise; and guess what I am making it happen. Both Marion & Erika Schueler will take off on CARNIVAL SPIRIT on 01/03/11 for 6 days to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

One of the Agents suggested to write to you and ask if you could think of anything special for them during their 1st cruise [they never been on one].

Any suggestions are highly appreciated. Looking forward hearing from you

Corina Kalivoda

John Says:
Hello Corina Kalivoda

What a wonderful surprise for your parents and what a way for them to celebrate 50 years of togetherness. Please would you send this request again in early December and I will make sure I send it to the ship for you and ask them to send them something on my behalf. So, please write again then and I will make sure we acknowledge your Mum and Dad.

Best wishes to all

Violet Asked:
John Please Reply:

my husband and I booked early to take advantage of the lowest fare guarantee. We have received a couple refunds that we applied to our onboard account. We have not noticed that our refunds show up on our Carnival online account but will it show up once we are onboard the Miracle. Is there any way we can see how much is going to be credited to our account now?

Violet and Bobby Martin

John Says:
Hello Violet

As I don’t know the answer to this one myself I have asked someone at Miami HQ to have a look for you and they will be in touch soon. Please let me know if you need anything else

Best wishes

That’s all for today and I will be back tomorrow with 10 more. Oh, just wanted you to know about a new promotion for those ships with our fabulous Steakhouses. Those who reserve a table to eat on the first night of the cruise will receive a free bottle of wine with dinner. We tried it here and on the Carnival Spirit this cruise and it was a big success.

Well yesterday was a very special day for us Brits and for those who love cruise ships… is the official word.

I will have exclusive video footage of this event for you very soon.

In yesterday’s blog thingy I was talking in the blog thingy about how hard it is to try and make people laugh without offending anyone. I gave you my prospective on this and I thought I would ask my mate and Carnival’s 355th best comedian Al Ernst about his thoughts on this subject. Here is what Al had to say.

Hey Buddy,

I have been a full time professional comedian for over 20 years. I am fat, I am from the south, and I am a white male… I have made jokes in my comedy numerous times about all those things. I really think we had to do something about our traveling security after 9/11…but I jump hard on the TSA and my airport travels. I go to church and respect everyone’s right to have any type of spiritual faith that they want – or no faith…Yet, I do material that is about being “Jesus’ babysitter.”

When you develop comedy you do it for one reason. To be funny. Certain groups of people get stereotyped…that includes ethnic, political, and physical make-up. There is some reason for a “stereotype” and that is there is always a bit of truth in that stereotype. Done in a clever way “enlarging pop culture or a stereotype” can be funny…and I do not think offensive.

My job, as well as John’s, is kind of like a professional wrestler, and that is to find a way to make the personality “larger than life”….all funny is not truth…and all truth is not funny.

Do I think there is a “line” that goes from comedy to being offensive? Yes. But we find the problem in exactly where that line is because it is completely different from person to person. That is the most challenging part of our job. Most of the time, no matter how innocent or funny the intention or the punch line of a comedy bit…someone can find it “over the line.”

I do jokes about being fat…about living in the south…and about going to a Baptist church. Do I intend or believe everything I say…of course not, but if it resonates as funny and it does not cross my personal “line” (which is pretty conservative) then I work with it. I am about delivering this with a style, content, and personality that it is for entertainment…not for the truth. And it comes from personal experience.

If I where John Stewart and doing a politically oriented show, I would do all I could to be a “equal” in my barbs to all people in politics…would I cross a line in some individuals person’s opinion? Of course. Comedy is like any other art form…it is about the taste of the individual.

I cannot speak for John, but will here anyway…ha. We are entertainers in the most unique situation…we see thousands of people just about every day from every type of ethnic, financial, and political group. But by no means does the intent of our humor meant to be “edgy” or shocking. It is meant to relate to most of the people and the life we live on this earth.

Do I want the writer who gave John the “spanking” to change his opinion? NO, he has every right to feel and define what “funny” is…but I want that writer to understand where we are coming from, and what our intent is…that is to entertain a wide variety of people in a funny way that helps them “take a break” from all the snarky and negative that comes from life in this world.

John and I has discussed “bits” all the time, and many times we have edited our comments just in trading it back and forth. But…part of comedy is improv…and improv sometimes comes out, and as soon as it comes out of our mouth we both thing “Why did I just do that?” ha. It happens.

But before the writer gives up on John, or any other type of comedy that he may find offensive, ask the question…do you really think the intent was to offend? I would be asking the entertainer that question before I started going totally to the “You are some type of bigot or spreading some type of offensive” idea.

Just Carnivals 355th best comedian’s opinion…

Thanks Al for those candid opinions and I nobody gives more thought to what you say on stage than you. Oh by the way, you made one small mistake as did I. You are now Carnival’s 356th best entertainer as I just heard we hired a one legged mime artist.

Check out Al’s website at and discover just why he is the comedian every CD wants at their Punchliner comedy club.

I never talk much about the managerial side of my job because ……well for the most part it’s pretty boring. But it is a very important part of what we cruise directors do. Being away from family means that the dancers, musicians and entertainment techs as well as the entertainment staff look to the CD to be a big brother and some of the dancers who were born in 1990…… three years after I had started with Carnival……look to me to be their Dad …..God I am so sodding old.

This last week we lost a staff member who had to go home to be with her very ill father and I had to let another staff member go as he or she was not able to do the job to the level that we or more importantly you as our guests would expect. But then there are the little things. People who don’t like the person they share a cabin with or people who want to share a cabin with someone they have fallen in love with…….three days ago.

You see, relationships on a cruise ship are very intense. You work together, eat together, play together and sometimes sleep together as well. It’s so different to relationships on land where you say “I will call you in a few days” or “I will see you at the weekend….maybe.” Nope, on a ship it moves at light speed and so the falling in love bit is here before you know it…..although some of our more amorous staff forget the falling in love bit and instead of a cabin door they have a revolving door……..if you know what I mean.

Anyway, as quickly as people fall in love they fall out of love as well and last night at 1:40 am I was in the middle of a weird dream about one of the Queens Corgi’s humping Micky Arison’s leg during the naming ceremony of the Queen Elizabeth …….when my phone rang. Now when that happens you immediately think “Medical emergency, something is wrong with the ship or worse an emergency message from home.” It wasn’t any to those……it was from a staff member who was concerned because a couple of my department were having a furious row in their cabin which had woken up the rest of the people in the corridor.

Now, I tried calling the cabin in question but the phone was off the hook and so down I waddled to their cabin and I could hear the commotion from a good way away. Well, I knocked on the door and I guess the person inside expected to see a neighbor at the door asking them to be quiet because he flung the door open and was about to tell someone to bugger off……..when he saw me standing there. His face was a mixture of horror and shock……both of which probably had something to do with the fact that I was wearing a pair of old shorts, an old bedtime T-Shirt and my hair looked like I was trying to do my best Einstein impression. Anyway, what happened next is personal and I can’t discuss it here but I can tell you that I sat with them for an hour doing my “Dad” bit and gave them my advice, my thoughts on life and relationships and what they needed to do to help each other through this rocky patch.

I went back to my cabin an hour later exhausted but with a feeling of personal satisfaction that my years on board had given me the experiences that it had and that I had been able to pass those experiences and heartfelt advice onto two young people who were at the start of a wonderful life together. It did bugger all good though because the next morning they asked for separate cabins because they hate each other……..ungrateful sods.

I saw something last night that made me stand open mouthed in disbelief…….and no it wasn’t seeing myself naked in the mirror. There was a lady in the cigar bar smoking a cigarette….. and next to her was a huge bottle of portable oxygen that she pulled on a little trolley thingy behind her. I mean, the oxygen tank was just a foot away from her cigarette and the ashtray. Now luckily I was with the captain and we both pondered about what we should do but eventually we decided that this was an obvious danger and so it was left to me to go and talk to her.

This was one very difficult conversation to have because this lady obviously depends on the oxygen to breathe and so I couldn’t really tell her not to use it just as I couldn’t tell her not to smoke. Anyway, as expected she wasn’t very happy and told me she had been cruising with other lines and they never had a problem with it and that she wasn’t stupid and was very careful. Well, as I write we have contacted our Miami office and asked one of the beards to make a decision on this. It’s a tricky one isn’t it but in my mind……if we are going to ban power strips then how can we not ban oxygen and fire. I will let you know what happens next.

And finally today let’s talk about ghosts.

We have some office people sailing this week to help us install Superstar Live which is our live karaoke concept of which I will write more this week. One of these chaps stayed on the Queen Mary which as you may know is now a hotel in Long Beach. So we were talking and he told me he didn’t sleep all night……..because he heard and “felt” a ghost…….apparently the Queen Mary is haunted. And all I could say was “what a load of bollocks.” I hated to break it to him like this, but quite simply………….ghosts don’t exist.

I am sure a few of you reading this blog will insist on believing in them anyway and to you I say “what about in Scooby-Doo? Spooks and ghoulies chased him and Shaggy around but they always turned out to be local gas station attendant wearing costume to scare people away from the gold they’d discovered.

Have you ever watched one of those ghost hunting shows?&They are filmed with night vision cameras and involve a bunch of Z list celebrities standing around breathing heavily for a few hours. And since ghosts don’t exist, you’re guaranteed to never see a ghost in these shows, no matter how hard they hunt for one. They might as well film themselves searching for the lost city of Atlantis, or a goose that craps a golden egg or someone actually using a climbing wall.

And until someone proves me wrong I will continue not to believe in ghosts and if……if the Queen Mary is haunted it’s probably a waiter who didn’t get tipped on a world cruise or a cruise director who got blown up by some mad old bat smoking next to an oxygen tank.

Your friend

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.