Keeping A Stiff Upper Lip

October 21, 2010 -

John Heald

I cannot imagine how anyone is properly famous doesn’t go stark raving bonkers. I bet that with all their fame money and Latvian bottoms ask George Clooney, LeBron James or Madonna if they could have anything for Christmas their heart desired they would ask for anonymity. The ability to walk into a restaurant without being pointed at. The comfort blanket of being able to make a phone call safe in the knowledge that nobody else is listening because nobody else gives a bugger what you have to say.

I am not talking about the Paris Hiltons and the soap opera stars of Bold and the Bollocks etc. who live to be famous…..no……I am talking about real stars those who are household names with a household face and a household rumpy pumpy life of whom the public demand to be told who is rumpy pumpying with who and was the man wearing women’s underwear. Now I am not famous but on the ship I am well known of course and that can prove difficult at times. There is a very fine line between my social life and my working life and whenever I walk out of the cabin I am “on stage” so to speak. In past blogs I have written about being photographed in the public restrooms and the many times I have been sitting in a lounge and someone has said sorry to bother you……which their not…….and then proceed to talk your ear off (that’s a very old ugly ear according to a guest last week) and of course, I sit there listening and caring….. well …… most of the time.

It’s hard to explain what it’s like but compared to real stars who are photographed every single time they walk out of the house it’s nothing of course. I have no idea how I would cope when the assistant in the local underpants shop tells the National Enquirer that I just bought a pair of XXXXL underpants with the Burger King logo on it and the words “The Home of the Whopper” ………which of course as Heidi will tell you……it isn’t.

So yesterday afternoon I was sitting talking to one guest in the lobby. We were a serious heart to heart about whether she would go home in Mazatlan today because her boyfriend was hurt in a car crash. Not seriously, but enough to put him in hospital for a few days with a broken leg and cuts and bruises. This guest had asked to speak to me. She is here with her mother for some mum and daughter time and couldn’t decide what to do and asked for my suggestions. I was in the middle of going through her options when out of the blue a lady marched up to me and asked me for a photo. I explained kindly that I was just talking to a guest who by the way had red eyes and stained makeup from crying and could I ask her to come back in a few minutes. She didn’t come back and I thought nothing more of it……..until this morning.

Guest: Mrs. ——–Ref: 842023191A
Cabin: ———Added-Changed: 10/20/10 – 10/20/10

CRUISE DIRECTOR RUDE

Mrs___came to the GSD to say that the Cruise Director was rude to her. Guest had asked for a photo and guests states that John refused and carried on talking to another guest. Mrs____ says that this was done because she is an African American. Tasked to CD.

Oh FFS!

Of course I wasn’t rude and of course it wasn’t because she was of one particular race, in fact to even say that leaves me totally gobsmacked and somewhat angry. So shortly I will be calling this guest, apologizing, making sure she gets a photo with me which I doubt she wants and sending a ton of apples, pears, grapes and pomegranates to her cabin as way of apology. It’s amazing though isn’t it how this lady can go from wanting a photo of me one second and then thinking something entirely different the next. I feel so hurt by this, working for 23 years with every creed, colour (spelt correctly) and religion as the crew represent………if there’s one thing I am not………it’s…..well….you know.

And I guess that what it must be like for someone who is really, really famous. Ignore a fan and they are instant bastards……….a bit like I am now to this guest.

If you want a sense of how it feels to be well known, try walking down promenade naked. Or go to the Steakhouse dressed as a squid. Or better still, sail on Disney wearing a T Shirt of Fun Ship Freddy holding a machine gun standing over the blood soaked body of Mickey Mouse…….I bet that would make you famous.

Time for today’s Q and A……off we go.

Uncle Doug Asked:
John, Please reply

We are sailing on the Carnival Conquest on the October 24, 2010 sailing out of Galveston. We will be sailing with a first time cruise couple. Could we request your assistance to secure a table for 4 for early seating. I did ask the PVP to link the two bookings but one booking was made much earlier.

Thanks for your help, one more cruise closer to our milestone cruise.
Uncle Doug

John Says:
Hello Uncle Doug

It will be my pleasure to ask the maitre d on the Carnival Conquest to honour (spelt correctly) your request. I hope you and your friends have a wonderful time.

Best wishes to all
John

Jan Bode Asked:
John (Please respond)

I have seen the ‘Behind the Scene Tour’ stated several time in your blogs. How do I sign up for one? My sister and I are sailing Oct 31st on the Splendor with you!! Also, what is the ‘Chefs Table’?

Thanks. Love your blogs!!

John Says:
Hello Jan Bode

The Behind the Fun tours have become one of the best activities we have introduced recently. It includes a look at the bridge, engine control room, the store rooms and galley as well as back stage and other areas that are marked “crew only.” The only place at the moment you can sign up for this is via the shore excursion desk on deck 3. Now I will be talking about this during my Fun Ashore and Fun On Board talk on Monday morning so I suggest you book it as soon as you board on Sunday so you are not disappointed. It’s a brilliant experience.  I will see you soon.

Best wishes
John

Maria Sineriz Asked:
PleaseReply

Hello John,

I just started enjoying your blog recently, and really enjoy your Facebook updates throughout the day. They make me WIWT! I’ve been on 14 Carnival cruises, and have cruises 15-17 booked already. I was thrilled to find out that you’re going to be on the Magic TA since that’s #17. Although, I just found out that I’m pregnant and probably won’t be able to do the Magic TA. We’ll probably change #17 to a Panama Canal cruise or a Hawaii cruise. Back to the reason why I’m writing, #15 is a cruise that I’m taking my Mom on. This will be her very first cruise, and I thought that it would tickle her pink if you could have the CD write a note to her welcoming her to her first Carnival cruise. I’m trying to get her addicted. She doesn’t do much travel-wise, and I think that she’s really going to enjoy being out to sea with me. We’re on the 11/26/10 sailing of the Paradise. Her name is Josefina Sineriz.

Thank you John. Enjoy your cruise with your family!
Maria Sineriz

John Says:
Hello Maria Sineriz

I am glad you are enjoying the blog and my Facebook silliness and thank you so much for your loyalty to Carnival. I will indeed see you on your Carnival Magic….oh hold on…..sorry I just read the rest of your post and see that you won’t because……..you’re pregnant.

Many congratulations, we are all very happy for you. I will indeed ask the Carnival Paradise CD to have something waiting for Mum and I am sure she will have a wonderful cruise. Once again congratulations and if it’s a boy remember………John’s a great name.

Best wishes to all
John

TaterT Asked:
John..please reply..

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1279186&page=14

This is a link on the member’s board on Cruise Critic about an incident on the Dream and someone smoking cigars in the cabin and on the balcony causing the people in the cabin next door to get very sick. Smokers are pigs and I do not understand why smokers Carnival continues to let them get away with murder!!!!!!!Just Quit! While you are at it, keep your kids (with diapers) from swimming in the pools too!

John Says:
Hello TaterT

I am well aware of this link and I think I have replied to it a number of times already over the past few weeks. There is little doubt that smoking continues to split opinion and for now all I can say is that Carnival is doing their best to monitor guest needs and find a middle ground that will make everyone happy. But as you can see from the link you provided, that isn’t easy. I am not sure calling smokers “pigs” is quite necessary though and I am sure the smoking bloggers may have something to say about that……you might want to grab some Kevlar body armor.

I respect your opinion and like all the comments I get here about smoking, I will collect them and forward them to the right people.

Best wishes
John

Sherry Scott Asked:
Table for 2

Sailing Carnival Freedom November 14, 2010.

We have request a table for 2, for this sailing but have also done the same in the past and it never has happened. For some reason we have not be lucky with table mates.

Please help with a Table for 2
Thank you

John Says:
Hello Sherry Scott

I have written to the maitre d on the Carnival Freedom to see what we can do for you regarding your table request.

Have a great cruise

Best wishes
John

ALAN A Asked:
CRUISE CRITIC MEMBER FOR 3 YEARS

On Splendor 24th Oct in cabin 1230. Need table for 4 by a window. Last year stuck at the back with worst. Last chance to impress me

John Says:
Hello Alan A

I will ask for a table for 4 as requested. See you soon.

Best wishes
John

Joan Asked:
Dear John,

I want to thank you and the entire Carnival Conquest crew for everything they’ve done for my family the week of Sept 5th-12th. I’ve written before about ‘grandpa’s birthday’ although he didn’t get the ‘roasting’ that was planned he did have a great birthday with the help of the crew and my daughter. This cruise was a ‘blast’ and so memorable that I cannot say ‘thank you’ enough to the whole crew. As soon as I stepped on the ship I was helped from the friendly staff of Guest Services, the wait staff in the Monet dining room at table no. 515 (early seating) and the stewards for room 6327 also Rachel with the Entertainment Staff.

GS informed me when & where my husband could take his surprise photo with the showgirls. They kept it a secret from him even though he answered the phone so I was very appreciative of that fact. They were also helpful to my daughter in picking an excursion as this was her and my grandson’s first cruise. (By the way, he looked for his bed next to the ice cream machine like you stated). He tried the pizza several times each night and got to be friendly with the pizza chef. We have a photo of him with a slice of pizza in each hand as he said “that is the best pizza he ever had” and was also the comment from grandpa.

The wait staff lit the candles on the cake at the next table and then placed the birthday crown on my husband’s head. The team then presented him with the cake and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ which made him feel so very special.

When I approached one of the photographer’s to make sure they would be taking the photo of the showgirls on Saturday night he immediately told me my cabin number and said “that he would be there”. I was so blown away by him not even having to look up the info and assured me that they would be there on time. He then proceeded to tell me what I needed to do and it was great advice.

The photographer took two photos so I purchased both as they were kind enough to help me & was so gracious as to do this favor for me being it was on the last night (after the last show). The photos were ready early the next morning before we were to depart the ship.

The breakfast & lunches tasted fantastic along with the ‘fish & chips’ place and the Mongolian wok was great. The dinners in the Monet dining room were outstanding and our compliments to the Chef.

Each and every staff member should be commended for how courteous & helpful they are. Thank you so very much for sending Chris the email on my behalf.

Thank you,
Joan

John Says:
Hello Joan

It is always a pleasure to read reviews like this that highlight the brilliant Carnival crew. I will certainly pass on your thanks to Chris and the rest of the ship and I thank him also for following through for me. I hope you had a brilliant time as a family all together and if there is anything I can ever do for you please let me know.

Best wishes to all the family.
John

Alexandra (Lexi) Asked:
Dear John Please reply ASAP! cruise on Dream Oct 23-

John I hope you have some wonderful days with your girls. I am so glad we do not have to do that anymore. My husband was a waiter on Majesty of the Seas. Been there don’t want to do that again. We know how hard that is. I feel for you. We will be back on our Dream again in just 5 weeks from tomorrow. So can’t wait. We will be celebrating 9 years of marriage plus my husband becoming a US Citizen! His first cruise as a US citizen. I was wondering if we could have a plastic ship on a stick. We love the Dream and can’t wait to go back on her. We were lucky enough to get to see her in April of 09 in Monfalcone Italy on our way to Croatia where my husband’s family is from. We were going down a hill really fast like close to 90 MPM and my husband says there is your ship! I start screaming and jumping up and down in the car. Even got take some pictures of her. Thanks again. Hope to one day cruise with you.

John Says:
Hello Alexandra (Lexi)

Congratulations to your husband on becoming a United States Citizen, I am sure you must both be very proud. It must be strange for him to sit at a table on the ship and be waited on after spending so many years serving passengers himself on the Majesty of the Seas. I hope we get to sail together one day as well but for now please except the little something you will be sent during your cruise.

Best wishes to you both
John

divetrash Asked:
JOHN PLEASE REPLY

Hi John,

So… about these new email comment cards… when do they go out? I was on the Carnival Glory 9/2/10 – 9/6/10 and I have yet to receive one. I sailed solo, so the only email address attached to my reservation is mine. I’ve check by junk mail box as well as my inbox, but alas, no joy for me. Who do we contact if we don’t receive one?

I’d really like to fill one out as I had a marvelous time on my cruise and I would love to write down all the nice things I wanted to say for all the big shots at your company to read. So I guess I will put it all out here…

This was the second time I sailed the Carnival Glory this summer. The first was in June on the 5-Day to Canada. I enjoyed that cruise so much, that when I needed to run away from my life for a bit, the 4-Day on the Carnival Glory jumped to mind and I booked it about a week before sailing.

So first props go to my PVP, Gary “Gio” Lederman. He is always so pleasant and positive and happy to help me, and he is the reason I decided to continue booking directly through Carnival.

Next up for the pat on the back… Captain D’Aita. Wow. There was lots of questioning and complaining on a certain website about Carnival’s decision to keep to the original itinerary when it looked like Hurricane Earl was lining up to take a path that mirrored our itinerary. I know a few people canceled and lost their fares, fearing the weather and the seas. I had faith that the Captain would not put a mega million dollar ship, its passengers and crew in harm’s way.

I have to tell you, if I hadn’t watched all the weather reports leading up to the cruise and the fact that it was a pretty windy and rainy, our morning in St. John, I would have never known old Earl was out there. While it wasn’t smooth as glass, I’ve experienced a lot more rocking and rolling on cruises not being chased by a hurricane. In St. John, like I said, it was very windy and rainy in the morning, and a lot of excursions were canceled or delayed. But by around 1 pm it cleared and the sun even started peeking out. (BTW, I missed the wind and rain in the morning because I was having a fabulous full body massage in the spa.)

As an added bonus, we got a good giggle from Captain D’Aita pronouncing the name the hurricane, so it sounded like “Hurricane Hurl”.

My faith in the skills of the Captain were well rewarded.

The crew on the Carnival Glory was fantastic. I know there was a lot of scrambling behind the scenes to make alternate plans in case the weather was truly awful. But it never showed on their faces. It’s probably one of the friendliest crews I have ever sailed with.

My only quibble about the alternate plans was the use of the “emergency” Fun Times (hah, got it right!) on our port day which failed to list the piano bar among the activities and thus many folks thought it was closed that night., but I already gave Jorge heck about that… LOL

Speaking of Jorge… loved him. He is so warm and so funny and so kind. He was part of the reason I hopped back on the Carnival Glory again. I kept hearing people remark about how funny he was at the shows and talks. A great guy and a lot of fun. Carnival will lose a great CD when he retires.

My room steward, unfortunately I don’t remember his name, was a magician. He always seemed to know when I was out of my room (8419), even with all the naps I took. When I saw him in the hall, he always addressed me by name and took a moment to chat.

Let’s see… others who made the trip memorable and fun… Oh, Everhard, the bartender, at the Burgundy Bar. He made a great lycheetini and was always willing to provide a single gal with a little conversation. Very nice guy. Terrific personality.

Debbie, the sommelier in the Emerald Steakhouse. She does a great wine tasting and pairing event. She even remembered me from my cruise in June (we went to the steakhouse twice in 5 days!), and she remembered every glass of wine I ordered on her recommendation, which was always spot on.

And of course, I enjoyed the piano bar. I really liked Bruce McGhie and had a great time in his piano bar in June. Obviously, he was another deciding factor for me to return to the Carnival Glory. Once again, I had a good time in the Cinn-a-bar lounge. He’s an entertaining guy with a great personality.

It was a little more mellow around the whole ship with a lot of passengers doped up on Dramamine in anticipation of rough seas. So, sometimes the evenings felt like a ghost ship!

The absolute highlight of the cruise was the Chef’s Table experience. I hadn’t really planned to do it, but then I thought what the heck. I waited too long to decide so I got waitlisted. And this is where being solo helps, I got squeezed in and got my confirmation the next day.

What an amazing experience from start to finish. The food was fantastic. It was very interesting listening to Chef Michael describe why certain flavors were paired with other flavors when describing each dish.

One little quibble though, you might want to add a line to the confirmation letter letting the folks know to look for the staff member with the list and check in. The lobby bar area was pretty crowded so no one saw the small “Chef’s Table Check in here” sign sitting at the end of the bar. After sitting at the bar for a few minutes I noticed a staff member glancing around with a list in his hand, so I walked over. It seems most other people were already there too, but didn’t realize they had to check in first.

But again, it was a really fantastic experience and well worth the extra charge.

The Carnival Glory has become my favorite ship. It was a really great cruise.

Thanks for all you do John!

Regards,
Laura

John Says:
Hello Laura

Your reviews are always a joy to read and my eyes scanned the page first to look for your views on the piano bar. The PB entertainers are in awe of you and having you in there must be quite nerve racking I would think so it was great to read you enjoyed Bruce so much. And of course all the other people you mentioned as well especially George who I hope never ever retires….. he is a great friend and one of the very best CD’s we have.

I will certainly mention the sign to the hotel director on the ship and they will act on that and make it more clear for sure. You know I am reading that a lot of people are not receiving the online review cards and I will keep mentioning this to the beards so they can change this ……I know you all want to complete them. I know it was a difficult voyage with the hurricane not far away and as always we can count on the Carnival captains to make sure that the ship is never ever in danger and in Captain D’Aita you have one of our very best.

Thanks again for the report and for your continued loyalty and friendship to the blog.

Best wishes
John

Jan “Peaches” Silvius Asked:

Oh Cindyx5…or whatever your name really is; are you new at this trolling game? You’re not doing it very well honey, as most of us on CC are happy people who like to cruise. Then along comes a few really rude ones who jump on people just for asking a simple question. Oh and by the way? Can’t find you anywhere on CC, so my dear starfish troller, you lose any street cred you think you have….buh buy loser

Peaches, proud 20+ CCL cruiser

John Says:
Hello Jan “Peaches” Silvius

Just wanted to say………….thanks for your support. It means a lot.
John

njoyndride Asked:
John – Please Reply

First to Cindy X, since you lied about soda being free on RCCL it discredits everything else in your rant, I sail RCCL too liar liar pants on fire…there I feel better.

John – Another question re: our in-laws 60th on Splendor in June, we would like to hold a reception for them, the very nice staff has already sent me catering info but in your opinion which venue onboard would offer us a great area with views for a party for 25-30 people? I’m sure I’m limited to certain rooms but would like to make a request if possible.

Always loving the blog and have now roped hubby in as he loved the term “performance farting” ….men!

John Says:
Hello njoyndride

I new my mention of “performance farting” would persuade your hubby to become a blog reader. Anyway, thanks for the support re Cindyx5 who by the way has never been heard of since and probably was a troll thingy. Anyway, regarding your reception next year. May I suggest you ask for the piano bar. It’s a beautiful room and has big glass windows for great views to the sea. That would be my first choice. Please can you let me know a few weeks before you sail so I can send your in laws something to celebrate this marvelous milestone. Thanks again.

Best wishes to all
John

That’s all for today. Back with more tomorrow. I was asked on a blog a few days ago to list my top tours in Mazatlan and here for your reading pleasure are the ones most popular each cruise with our guests as told here by our Shore Excursion Manager.

Shopping, Beach & Lunch – Mazatlan
This is a very popular tour as you get to enjoy a variety of possibilities. You are placed into a comfortable and pre paid taxi and you get taken to Mexican Folkloric Show which you will enjoy in a local amphitheatre. You will then explore the Grounds of the Golden Zone, a very famous area in Mazatlan. You will be able to indulge in the resort strip and visit the best and recommended stores. You will get to enjoy both at your own leisure. Your Shore Excursion ticket will also enable you to have access to 1 particular hotel resort. Your taxi driver will show you the location of the hotel, which will be located in the heart of the down town area. You will be able to use the facilities at the Hotel, there will be access to the beach, a buffet lunch is included and 2 Complimentary drinks. All of this is all at your own leisure

Sierra Madre Tour – Mazatlan
On this tour you will get to see the most amount of interests and attractions out of all the excursions we have on offer. You will be making a day of it, if you take this tour, it is absolutely worth it! You will be on a comfortable air conditioned bus. The 1st stop will be to an area where they make bricks, you can find out the full process, very interesting and these bricks are used in the modern world today! The next stop will be an Arts and Crafts stop, where everything is done by hand. Then you shall get back on the bus and you will be going to a town called Concorda.

Here you will get to see the Colonial Church which is over 300 years old, magnificent! A refreshment drink will be served. You will then hop back on the AC bus and then you will visit Copola Village, up in the mountains, you are at the foot of the Sierra Madre Mountains. You will be taking a step back into time, this is a Spanish, Gold mining village. You will get to see a church that is over 400 years old. Lunch is included, it is a delicious Mexican lunch.
The desert is the best, the Famous Banana Pie – Absolutely yummy! Back onto the Bus and you shall then leave Sierra Madre Mountains and then you head back to the Famous Golden Zone and you will have 1 hour to shop until you drop and see the resort strip!

This is an all rounded and an all day excursion – EXCELLENT!!

It was a busy day for me but for some strange reason I found myself taking a nap……. something that I very rarely do. Yet with the Sudafed kicking in and my thick head still pounding away I decided to get a nap. Just 20 minutes I told myself. Nearly two hours late I woke up with a sweaty back of my neck and the sheets and duvet looking like I been having rumpy pumpy with 27 Latvians. I was soaking wet. I hadn’t had a fever but obviously this sinus thing or head cold or whatever the sodding thing is decided to break out. As I sit here now I still fell pretty weak but a little better. I have had these symptoms now for three or four weeks and both Heidi and Kye are currently on antibiotics at home. Poor Kye has an ear infection and a cold and it looks like I gave it to her. Poor kid…….I feel so guilty. And now Heidi has it as well.

I know I should go to the doctor but antibiotics make me drowsy and put my sugar levels up and besides…..I hate doctors…..not personally…..but going there. If the dull thickness in my head doesn’t bugger off soon then I will go but the Netti Pot and the Tylenol Sinus stuff are helping. Anyway, I digress. I was talking about sweating and yesterday I stood on the open decks for 4 hours in blazing Mexican sunshine and both me and the film crew were drenched in sweat.

But not the captain who was filming something with us.

He doesn’t sweat………because he’s Italian. A few years ago myself and the shore excursion team were on a three week familiarization trip around Europe to get to know the ports for the Carnival Liberty’s season in Italy and bloody hell it was hot. I was on a three shower, three shirt strategy, and it didn’t make the slightest difference. Within a minute of freshening up, I returned to my previous sweating, lethargic English mess. Yet the Italian tour operators had not a bead of perspiration to be seen. How the sodding hell do they manage it? But they are different, the Italians, than any other nationality. I love the way the Italian bridge and engine officers often sound as if they’re having a vicious argument, even when they’re discussing if the pasta was good at dinner tonight.

Anyway, talking of Italians and the captain I have to tell you what happened at the Captain’s Celebration this week? I was introducing the captain to guests outside the El Morocco Lounge when something terrible happened…….a lady guest….in her 60s…..kissed the captain on the mouth ……he had no chance to escape and just stood there as this lady drooled over him like ….. a big drooling thing in sequins. After releasing her vice like grip and unlocking her lips from the captain’s face she looked for another victim……the captain looked for help and assistance …………both received nothing except the sight of my arse waddling away as fast as my legs would carry me. I bet that made him sweat!

Anyway, here is the second of the two complaints about me today from guests.

From: SPLENDOR GUEST SERVICES
Sent: Wednesday, October 20, 2010 12:20 PM
To: SPLENDOR CRUISE DIRECTOR
Subject: GST WANTS BETTER PRIZE

Good afternoon John,

Please be advised that guest from cabin 8368 Mrs. ————-called GS and wanted to that she was not happy with the prize you gave her husband Mr. ——-

Guest states she wants something else.
Thanks & Regards

At first I had no idea who this person was and then I realised that it was from a letter for my morning show that had asked me to read out a birthday wish. I did and as a surprise I thought they might like a bottle of champagne and a photo of the ship with a personal birthday greeting on it. I do this for everyone who writes in to me which means I sign at least 100 photos a week and I send them a little something.

I called the guest last night and instead of a $12 bottle of champagne do you not would have made Mrs ______ happy. Dinner for 2 at the Steakhouse. Sometimes you just have to laugh ……… so I did while asking the chef to send them a fruit basket. Yes……..I know I shouldn’t ………….go ahead and give me a bollocking.

So thanks for your understanding yesterday about me not writing a blog. It was a very productive day though because we made three new videos for carnival.com and carnivalmagic.com. They will be on their way soon and I hope you like them. I read a comment from Paul Pietrangelo who said that Canadians were unable to enter these online contests. I found this very strange indeed so I asked a beard and here is the answer I received.

John

When the contest is 21 and over we can include Canadians.   When 13 and over we can’t    – Canadian law (according to legal).  This is why we were able to include them for             RedFrog but not the other contests.

Thanks
Mrs Beard

I am very confused by this. Does this mean that the States has no problem with kids entering contests but Canada does ? Anyway, regardless I am sorry for all our loyal Canadian friends who wanted to enter the contest.

OK, I have to go now and make the last of the videos as Peter the Hair is leaving tomorrow. His colleague Everett is staying until we get back to Long Beach and he is going to be showing me something to do with Facebook. Everett works with the 344 Stephanies and as you saw in the video yesterday……he has a beard…..shocker. Anyway, it appears that Mr. Facebook won’t allow me to have too many more mates. I have 4840 friends which by the way is 4839 more than I ever had at school. Apparently therefore Mr. Facebook has said I now have to have some sort of “fan page” which is quite ridiculous really as fan pages are for famous actors like Mr. Cloonpitt.

Anyway, he is going to be setting this up for me and next week I will be moving over to that. I have no idea what this means but I am sure Everett and his beard will tell me.

There is no easy way to segue from Canada to Viagra so let’s just get on with it shall we. You see, according to some of the orchestra musicians here on the Carnival Splendor the Wal -Mart in P.V. sells Viagra over the counter and if you believe Uncle Google it’s going to be available over the counter in the States soon as well. Personally…..and if you will pardon the pun……I think that’s going to be a hard sell.

In El Walmarto in PV its 6 for $32, does that sound expensive to you? But what happens at the checkout when the 18 year old check out girl realizes you need chemical assistance.

My shopping trolley usually consists of fat free and sugar free items, vitamins and soothing bath oils. Great impression I am going to make at the Publix check out…… Fat, stressed and impotent ………brilliant.

I wonder though………does being you know………..dependent on Viagra get you a disabled sticker for your car? And I wonder if the sticker comes in the appropriate shape as well.

Goodnight
Your friend
John

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.

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