Nothing To Sneeze At

January 31, 2011 -

John Heald

People watching is not something I usually get to do when I am a cruise director. However when I am on a handover week like I am here on the Carnival Freedom I can, for the most part be the grey man and watch the world go by. And so on embarkation day I sat with my Diet Coke on Lido Deck. I had already paid homage to the captain and was waiting for a cabin and for the CD Ryan to return from having his gentlemen’s sausage area waxed or whatever metro sexual treatment he was having done at the spa.

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John says hello from Memphis

January 28, 2011 -

Everett

Happy Birthday, John

January 21, 2011 -

Everett

This afternoon we were sitting around the office, stroking our beards while inventing new ways for people to have fun, when one of us happened to glance at the calendar and realized that tomorrow — Saturday January 22nd — is your friend and our friend John Heald’s birthday.

We’re a day early, but we mean it all the same: all of us at Carnival, from those who wear beards to the 345 people named Stephanie… from Fun Ship Freddy to PA 007 (if only we knew who he — or she — was), would like to wish you happy, fun birthday, John! Thank you for all that you do, and may all of your dreams (including, but not limited to, those featuring Megan Fox) come true!

Psst… Hey bloggers, it’s your turn. Please add your birthday wishes for John to the comments section below!

Wanted….Dead or Alive

January 20, 2011 -

John Heald

And so tomorrow I will start my preparations to return to work as a cruise director once my brand ambassador duties are complete in Memphis. One of those preparations is I must complete this online form which anyone who doesn’t eat apple pie and love Uncle Sam has to do.
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Carla

January 19, 2011 -

John Heald

Today’s blog starts off with an apology……………….well…………..sort of.

J.J. Asked:
John,

I have been reading your blog off and on since the fire on the Splendor. I have never cruised on a Carnival boat but was intrigued as to how you were handling the situation. Apart from the unnecessary sexual overtones your commentary was well written and that has kept me coming back on occasion to read your blog. Then tonight I read your praise of Ricky Gervais and that has prompted me to write to you.

I am an actor myself and have a regular part in a popular soap and although not yet a household name I am certain that one day I will be. Ricky Gervais is a cruel person. It was a night of cheap shots, from a cheap man. How embarrassing to have this loathsome individual representing you Brits in the USA. And you supported him in your blog. Gervais deals in a type of cheap humor that I loathe and that you honor. This must mean that you are the same when you perform on your cruise ship then and that means that I will make sure myself and all my many friends in Hollywood know never to cruise with you. Gervais is now the most hated man in Hollywood and anyone that supports him is not far behind. I cannot believe a major corporation allows you to write what you do. The American press has ridiculed this poisonous man and you insulted me and my fellow actors. You are as disgusting a man as he is if you think that he was funny.

J.J.

John Says:
Hello J.J.,

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Fat White Men Can’t Dance

January 18, 2011 -

John Heald

It is only today that I can officially say that after three weeks of feeling like death warmed up that I finally……..feel better. Yes I still feel tired and the only exercise I could manage would be to rip a tissue or crush a grape and maybe just maybe I could manage to jump over Kye’s dollhouse…….but that’s it though. But the cough has gone and my chest doesn’t feel like an elephant is doing its best Michael Flattery impression on it. Speaking to my colleagues who all came back with this, we all think it must have been something in the hotel air conditioning or the water. Whatever it was………..it was a total bastard.

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Blogs, Facebook, Twitter… all are thingies in which people are prepared to share anything from sadness, what they had for dinner and a diagnosis of syphilis to where and when they are taking a vacation. I have been very careful though when it has come to writing about my daughter.

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Swinging… On A Rope… Or Not

January 13, 2011 -

John Heald

When I am home with the girls I start each morning the same way. Go downstairs at 7 am, make Kye a bottle of milk, check my sugar level, take my pill, collect the newspaper from the doormat, go back upstairs, give Kye her milk and then take the newspaper into the bathroom, sit down and enjoy 20 minutes of absolute total peace and quiet………minus the odd splash.

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Heald-ify Your Inbox

January 13, 2011 -

Eric the Beard

Hello my favorite bloggy compadres, long time no speak! Since John’s blog went through some minor surgery a few weeks ago, I know many of you have been wondering how to subscribe to his blog posts via email.

Well, I’m here to let you know that we have just added a brand new *shiny* form to the top right hand side of the blog thingy where you can do just that. Just make sure that you follow the directions in the verification email that will be sent to you right after you submit it (which basically tells you to click a link to confirm your subscription) or you won’t receive the posts until you do. Hope that helps!

Now….back to my amazing teriyaki tofu lunch…mmmm 🙂

All the best,

Eric the Beard

Greece Down Under

January 12, 2011 -

John Heald

I am sure by now you will have read that the Carnival Spirit will move to Australia in 2012 and if you haven’t then believe me she is……..and here is the official word from Vance telling you so. (more…)

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.