Wanted….Dead or Alive

January 20, 2011 -

John Heald

And so tomorrow I will start my preparations to return to work as a cruise director once my brand ambassador duties are complete in Memphis. One of those preparations is I must complete this online form which anyone who doesn’t eat apple pie and love Uncle Sam has to do.

Now normally I would not have to do this because I would enter as a seaman and have an employment letter, etc. But because I am working on land in Memphis first and because I don’t want to spend two hours in the “special room” waiting for Inspector Happynez to realise I am not a threat to the country and release me to find my luggage which because I am two hours late collecting has been moved to a special place which means I have to ask someone where that special place is and as I don’t speak Spanish means I am totally las buggered.

Anyway, because I am doing the Memphis thing I have to fill this form out and pay £19 ($30) for the pleasure. However, when I sat down and completed this form last night I realised I was in the crap house. Because one of the questions asks if I have ever been arrested in the United States …. and ummmmm……….well………..ummmm ……………….I have.

Let me take you then back to 1995. I had just gotten off the Carnival Imagination after a wonderful contract as CD. I was 29 years old and had been joined in the States by my best mate Alan. We had rented a convertible. We were driving up the Turnpike from Miami to Orlando ready to hit the theme parks and have rumpy pumpy with some Floridian girls or any girl for that matter. It will come as no surprise that this didn’t happen.

Anyway, let me explain what happened as best I can and we start with the sentence that Alan and I still quote 16 years later…. although Alan’s impression sounds like the man concerned was from Bombay…….not Florida. He is truly crap at accents. Sorry, I digressed again. This is what we remember.

“You boys,” drawled the huge deputy sheriff of the Alligatorville, Florida, gobbing a lump of what I hope was tobacco onto the ground next to my shoe, “is that y’allllllll are going to jail.”

Mmm. This was a problem. Because now, instead of driving to Orlando for some Disney and sex, I appeared to be starring in my very own episode of The Dukes of Hazzard. “You say y’all are heading to Orlando?” I nodded. “Nope,” he said, taking the handcuffs from his belt. “Judge won’t see you till tomorrow. Till then, you’ll be in the county jail.”

You see, I’d accidentally committed a crime. Two crimes, in fact. Three, if you count arguing with a sheriff, which he clearly did, because it was at that point that I found myself splayed across a car as he alerted headquarters to make room on the bunk next Billy Bob who no doubt would make me his bitch. I should stress at this point that I’ve never robbed a bank or shot the sheriff (or his deputy). I’m afraid my crimes, as you’ll see, were a bit boring.

It was midday in mid-June; the sun was beating down on my friend Alan and me as we drove our open-topped car across Florida. We were men…..despite Alan’s Hawaiian shirt and blue flip flops …… two young guns, carefree, laid-back, on the road, two cowboys riding our steel horse beneath a cloudless American sky……..all not in a Brokeback Mountain kind of way you understand.

So it seemed only right that, when the classic rock radio played Golden Earrings’ Radar Love, I put the pedal to the metal and became Smokey and the Bandit. The moment we knew we were in trouble was when, in the distance, we saw sunlight glinting off glass. Instinctively, I slowed, but too late — because, instead of the regulation 55mph, the cop’s radar had clocked me doing 90mph.

Now had this been in the UK the police officer would have offered me a cup of tea while explaining that I was naughty and if I did it again that he would be forced to twist my nipple.

It’s a bit different in Florida…….certainly the parts of Florida where the family tree tends to run in a straight line. Turns out that in Gatorville, Florida, speeding is a very serious crime, up there with hating country music and being a Democrat, so we were pulled over and watched nervously as Roscoe T Bastard walked towards us with his huge hand on his even huger gun.

I looked him square in the sunglasses and tried to argue that on a wide, empty American road, with not another car in sight; surely a small burst of speed from my rented Chrysler Sebring convertible couldn’t hurt? What did hurt was my head being pressed onto a bloody boiling hot bonnet (hood) while I was frisked for weapons.

That’s when the conversation about jail started.

“Y’allllll English?” Roscoe T Bastard asked.

“Yes, I am a cruise director for Carnival Cruise Lines and I know Micky Arison and…..

“Shut your mouth boy and open the trunk,” was his reply. Maybe he was a Royal Caribbean fan.

Nervously, I did. That’s when he saw the cooler full of beer and soda, but from the look on his face, you’d have thought he had discovered a trunk full of stolen gold bars and a dead Latvian hooker. “Y’all been drinking this beer?” he said.

Now so far my usual way of handling situations like this with humour had stayed in check…. but I couldn’t hold out any longer. “What, from the driving seat?” I said. “We’d need a long sodding straw.” Being a smart arse in the vicinity of a sheriff is a mistake. It was time for another head to hood meeting. I tried to point out that the beer was unopened, but, out of the corner of a squashed eye, I saw Alan mouthing “Shut up.”

There was a long and dusty silence on that Florida road while the Law held me face down on a car and spent a long time staring at my passport. Finally, he said: “Because you’re English, and because I’m in a good mood, and because the paperwork would be a royal pain in the ass, I’m gonna let y’all off with a fine. But if y’all fail to pay it by the time you git outta here, you’ll become a wanted felon in the state of Florida.”

I’ll be completely honest: I thought this was the coolest thing I’d ever heard. I immediately resolved not to pay it (silently), and, as we drove off (slowly), I imagined going home an outlaw, pursued by the cops, hunted by the Feds, a desperado with a price on my “ass.” And honestly I had every intention of paying the $150 fine but then we got to Orlando and there were rides and large mice and King Kongs and huge turkey legs to munch on and …..I forgot to pay it.

So, I am still a wanted man in the state of Florida so if you don’t hear from me on Thursday next week you will know why. I will be in jail, sharing a cell with Billy Bob who will be trying to get something straight between us.

Time for today’s Q and A…………..off we go

Felicity Persie Asked:

John (Please reply)

Am seeking a little bit of clarification regarding the policies of the steakhouse. I realize that they are not an “all you care to eat” arrangement like the wonderful ones NCL has. I am a little concerned because I read on the cruise critic boards that some folks were only allowed to order one appetizer. I was thinking that one would be able to order a “traditional appetizer” such as escargot as well as a soup even though the appetizers and soups are all listed as starters surprisingly slightly different information appears in various Carnival web pages it says. For the charge of $30 per person, you can take in the atmosphere and enjoy the amazing culinary creations of our chefs. It is sure to be one of the most memorable meals you’ll ever have. The $30 fee includes an appetizer, entrées, desert and the wait staffs’ gratuity; additional gratuities are optional and may be extended in cash or to the guest’s Sail & Sign Account, at the guest’s discretion.

So, what’s the policy? The info from the reservation form seems to indicate that you can order multiple entrées and the “dessert” will certainly be arid. Also, I wonder why they are referring to something known as appetizers as there is not a heading of appetizers on the menu. I would just like to be able to order escargot and lobster bisque, as well as one entree and dessert. Can you order more than one starter and more than one dessert? It seems that you need to get this sorted as you are not providing what you offer.

John Says:

Hello Felicity Persie,

Thanks for allowing me a chance to clarify this as I am sorry to say that some of the posts that I have been seeing on the boards are not correct. This is what is included with your meal in our steakhouses:









PRICE: $30……YEP……………$30

This does include the minimum gratuity for the servers but you may tip extra if you think they deserve. There you go. That’s what’s included and I am sorry if any of our online information (such as the appetizers) is misleading. I will have this corrected. There is no doubt about it though ……..our steakhouses remain an iconic experience.

Best wishes.


Emily Wilson Asked:


I am new to your blog and cruising as a whole. My boyfriend and I will be going on our first cruise (and vacation) together on the Splendor on Feb 20th. Although I am slightly nervous about cruising especially after what had previously happened to the ship, we are going to celebrate our anniversary. Please let me know if you have any suggestions to make this cruise a special one.

Thanks in advance for any input.


John Says:

Hello Emily,

Please do not be nervous as the ship will be like all our ships is held to the highest standards of safety. All the repairs and safety equipment will have been checked fully by United States Coast Guard and other agencies and I promise all will be well. I hope you book a table at the steakhouse and maybe that night will be one where your boyfriend will become your fiancé. I hope so. Please send me your cabin number on another posting here on the blog thingy and I will be happy to send you a little welcome aboard gift.

Best wishes to you both


Gorgeous George Asked:

Hi John,

Going on the Valor on March 6th 2011 and will be celebrating our 25th anniversary. I read a post on Cruise Critic from cruiser9800 that said you give free gifts to cruise critic members who are celebrating anniversaries etc. We are going to be in stateroom 1428. We don’t drink booze so can we have some chocolate smothered strawberries and a ship on a stick. Also we need a table for 2 guarantees. This will be our 3rd carnival cruise.

John Says:

Hello Gorgeous George,

I actually send gifts to everyone who asks, not just Cruise Critic members and I will certainly send you something as well. I will also ask my colleagues on the ship to help with your table request. Have a brilliant cruise

Best wishes,


For some reason I need to go to the toilet now……….can’t imagine why. Back soon.

Ok………let’s carry on.

Jane & Steve H Asked:


Hi, I’m new to your bloggy thing, but not new to cruising. I am writing to request the following on our upcoming “three-peat” cruises:

Table for 2

Carnival Imagination

Ocean Suite V18

We’re looking forward to VIP check in because of the suite we booked, plus these cruises will get us to Platinum status from now on! Keep up the good work on your blog; looking forward to the new cruise director schedule soon.

John Says:

Hello Jane and Steve H,

I am glad I saw this in time so I have sent your request to the Carnival Imagination Maitre D who will do his best to assist you with your table. Have a great time and thanks for joining us here on the blog thingy

Best wishes



Please reply.

My wife and I are platinum cruisers and are booked on the Carnival Liberty soon. Wanted to comment on the recent upgrades to the carnival.com web site. Really do enjoy the look, the ease of navigation and the numerous choices you can opt to do online. Not waiting in shore tour lines is OK with me when I can book with a click! One feature I thought would be interesting is a part of the web site dedicated to the Captain’s of Carnival ships. I have always been impressed with the caliber of masters Carnival has on their ships. We meet them at the formal night, we hear them during the daily noon briefing, we see them out and about but we know little about them. It would be interesting to know which master is assigned to which ship, their backgrounds, history with Carnival, personal likes and dislikes…you get the picture. Has this ever been discussed as a viable idea? I think many would agree that they would be interested in checking out such a feature. When will you be announcing the Captain of the Magic?

Best wishes to you and your family and thank you for your time.

John Says:

Hello Steve,

First of al let me thank your loyalty to Carnival and I hope you have another brilliant cruise on the Carnival Liberty. Now, as for the captains…..well…..they are still the most important people on the ships. Yes we may have all the innovations and iconic entertainment and dining options but these are all still on a ship. And that means we need to have someone in total command and that is the captain. Their world is very different and I promise you I will be interviewing the captain of the Carnival Magic very soon.

I am not sure how long you have been reading the blog thingy but I wanted to give you a couple of link thingies to keep you going. These are from blogs past that included some fantastic interviews with our ship captains. The first two are Carnival captains and the last one features a brilliant interview with the senior captain (or commodore) of the Princess fleet…..here they are.





Hope you enjoyed those and I suggest you kindly keep reading the blog over the next few weeks ………I think you may like what you see. Finally I am sure Stephanie will be passing on your words of congratulation regarding carnival.com to the rest of her fellow beards………I join you and many others in saying what a brilliant job they have done with the new design.

Best wishes to you and the family


Jim Hammack Asked:

John; (A reply would be nice but not necessary)

As a true Texan, I appreciate your defence of the Texans. It’s true that not all that cruise from Galveston are Texans. The poster needs to loosen his tie and relax a bit and quit being so stuff shirt. We Texans can be mighty friendly or the exact opposite whenever the situation presents itself. As far as being rude, the rudest people I have seen are the ones that think the center of the universe is wrapped around their underpants and this is not a trait that only applies to Texans.

I have sailed with Carnival 6 times and have enjoyed the rude and not so rude people on all cruises.



John Says:

Hello Jim,

Thanks for taking the time to write. All I can say here is that I was the CD on the Carnival Conquest last year and thanks to the brilliant people who cruised out of Galveston I had the most brilliant time. Their loyalty to Carnival and their sense of spirit and fun got them the Carnival Magic. The end.

Best wishes,


Hank H. Asked:

Please reply John!

One of our CC members had written to you earlier regarding arrangements for a mtg on the Magic Transatlantic in October of 2011. Since then, we have now approached 2000 remarks on our board, and not meaning to disappoint certain folk, not a nasty word one about you, Carnival, the size of the sun or anything at all! Onward though. At the time of your reply you had mentioned perhaps having 2 meet & greets since it was 16 days. We’ve been discussing that and would like to set one for our 1st sea day and then the 2nd on November 11th, Veteran’s Day in the USA. I know we are WAY too early to set anything in motion, but when would be a good time to contact you for making firm arrangements? LOVE the St. Jude posting John, you and Carnival are truly committed to helping others.

John Says:

Hello Hank H,

I think two meetings make total sense and I will promise that I will come along to at least one of them. Please stay in touch with me here on the blog thingy and around August time please post again with how many in the group etc and I will arrange a room, etc.

My best wishes to you and all my friends on Cruise Critic.


Reid Bartlam Asked:

John – Please Respond,

I just looked over the new CD schedule for the first half of 2011. My wife and booked the Dream for July 23, 2011. We’re very excited about sailing on her! My question is we sailed with Butch on our Honeymoon cruise July of 2010. We absolutely loved him. We booked the Dream for the sole reason that he was going to be the CD on it (plus the ports are awesome and the ship is beautiful in pictures). I see that Todd takes over mid-June. I’m assuming this is for Butch’s vacation and that he’ll return to the Dream as the permanent CD? We’d really love to sail with him again. Thanks and hope you’re enjoying your vacation!

Reid Bartlam

PS – I was reading the Smoke on the Water blogs and it was truly an amazing story you told about what went on during those few days on the Splendor. Great job to you, the Captain, the Officers and the whole crew! You guys did Carnival proud! So much in fact that it seemed to eclipse the arrival of Royal Caribbean’s newest shopping center…er…I mean ship.

John Says:

Hello Reid Bartlam,

I am not surprised you enjoyed Butch so much as he really is one of our most popular cruise directors. I know you will have a great time on your Carnival Dream and in fact the CD will not be Todd but Josh……..or Big Sexy as he is known……….when he looks at himself………. naked ……… in the mirror. Josh is a brilliant CD and you will really love his energy and his sense of fun. He will indeed be covering Butch’s vacation time. I want to thank you for your kind words and I hope that you and your good lady have a brilliant time on your Carnival Dream.

Best wishes to you both


Amy C Asked:


You need to do something about the shampoo and shower gel you put in the cabin bathrooms. It smells disgusting and gave me dandruff. I never have had dandruff until I cruised with Carnival. Cheap and nasty!

John Says:

Hello Amy C,

My apologies for this but I have to say I have never heard the complimentary shampoo we provide described like this before. In fact, I don’t believe I’ve ever heard a comment at all on our shampoo and I certainly have never heard that it gives our guests cases of dandruff. I will ask the beards to put some Head and Shoulders in your cabin the next time you sail. I hope you had a fun cruise

Best wishes


Elissa Buja Asked:

Dear John, (Please Reply)

CrazyforKoko here again..and several months back you asked me who Koko was and you wanted to know why I am crazy for ‘him, her’ or it’…. I apologize for not seeing YOUR question sooner!! Koko is a parrot, the most magnificent parrot in the world, more specifically a Calico macaw…Actually a ‘mutt’ of the species, having been cross-bred with two other species of macaw. Not only is it possible to find the love of your life in human form, it is also possible to find the exact kind of love from a Parrot. I have been dubbed the ‘crazy bird lady’ by many of my fellow Freedom/Miracle cruisers, and that suits me just fine. ANYWAY, just wanted to drop you a line about our 10/18 Miracle cruise to AHHHruba, Grand Turk, Curacao, and La Romana. Sorry you were tied up on the Splendor..but bet about now you’re wishing you’d jumped ship and taken the Cruise Critic group up on their offer to join us for this maiden voyage!!

Following my HUGE disappointment in the Sun King on the Freedom, we were a bit leery of attempting another steakhouse dinner, but did in fact, along with 8 other Freedom Family/Miracle cruisers, make a reservation. Nick and Noras came thru for us in spades! What a delectable experience! Top notch service, knowledgeable staff, and the food? The angels don’t eat this well in heaven! I hope the Rib eye stays on the menu!

Tho it is not usually in my nature, the purpose of this quick note is two fold.

In 2006, my father lost his4 year battle with Multiplte Myeloma. The day he died, my mother lost her best friend. It has been a long road of recovery for Mom, and she is finally feeling like her life could possibly be worth living without him.

Mom is our ‘resident pet sitter’..she is the only one I trust to care for ‘Koko’ and his three feathered brothers and sisters. She also takes care of the girls when Andy and I cruise. When we got back from the Miracle, she told me in no uncertain terms, that it was HER turn to cruise.

I booked a ‘Mom and Me’ cruise three days later. My mom is going to take her first vacation since 2006. This will be her second cruise, my 4th. I will be flying to Florida in March to board the Inspiration with her to Cozumel on March 3rd, 2011. We will return to Tampa on what would have been Dad’s 71st birthday. I booked a Porthole room, E7..so pray for calm seas!

It is not in my nature to ask for favors, but I’m going to ask one of you to help me honor my Mom. If you could send a little something to Nancy Henderson (E7) to congratulate her on taking the next step, I would appreciate it very much.

Fond wishes for a safe and blessed holiday season!

Elissa Buja


John Says:

Hello Elissa Buja,

I know feel complete knowing as I do who Koko is. I would love a parrot and I think Kye would too. Anyway, thanks for the explanation and thank you also for sending that great review. I was glad that this time you steakhouse experience was something special and I will make sure I pass on all your words of praise to the ships and her crew. I send you my deepest sympathies at the loss of your father and I think it is wonderful that you are having some mum and daughter time and we are honoured that this time will be spent on the Carnival Inspiration. I will be honoured (spelt correctly) to send her something when you sail. Have a wonderful time and my best wishes to you all…………….especially Koko.


Gabby Asked:

John (reply wanted please)

On October 18 I sent you a request for a table for four on the best bit of the dining room for our cruise on Fascination on November 5. But it wasn’t done and we were seated with other passengers at a big table. Me and my husband were not happy and feel you let us down because you get tables for other people. Wanted you to no how I felt.

John Says:

Hello Gabby,

I am so sorry you did not get the table you wanted. I am a month behind in my requests and as you sent yours in only a couple of weeks before you sailed which means I did not see it in time. Please apologise to your family and I hope despite this that you had a wonderful cruise.

Best wishes


That’s all……………….I need to sigh……………..OK that’s better.

By the way, I have a plan to help get me up to date with the questions, etc. It seems that I have become a huge extension of our guest services department and sometimes I spend my time and yours answering questions here that are specific to the one individual. While I encourage you to keep sending me these I will be asking the Stephanies and Erics to send these directly to one of my friends at our guest relations department who will respond quickly to your concerns. If though a comment is something that I think everyone needs to know even a negative one I will publish it here as usual. I hope you all understand. Just for your information the blog is averaging 15,000 views a day and I still have around 250 questions pending. I am also answering loads on Facebook as well. I am not asking for any sympathy……….well………….maybe just a bit.

I had a brilliant meeting yesterday with Jonathan the chap we use to provide us with our variety acts while your Carnival Magic is in Europe. Now while we were looking at some amazing entertainers, Jonathan showed me a tribute band that he thought would be great on our ships not just your Carnival Magic. Have a look at this and tell me what you think. Imagine them playing on the main stage theatre and on Lido Deck.

Here is the link and just click on video.


Now he also has other brilliant tribute bands remembering Abba, The Beatles and more. What do you think? Please let me know because we are considering heading in this direction.

Let’s take a break and continue with our look at the fleets wonderful assistant cruise directors. Today we head to the Carnival Dream to meet the one and the only George Roberts AKA Chicken Little AKA Baby Butch!

I’m currently on the Carnival Dream – my contract ends February 12 and I’ll be returning to Dream March 19. Before I came to carnival I had performed all my life, dancing acting and all that jazz. I then left school and went strait into the Salon. This seemed perfect for me as I felt I could be creative, be myself and also make someone feel special by providing them with a service that could make them feel special and unique. After a while I decided I wasn’t happy standing in one spot giving the same old perms and blue rinses and wanted to change direction slightly into the hotel and hospitality area. Lucky for me I had a performing back ground and whilst reading a book on the cruise industry I stumbled upon the title ‘cruise staff’. I read all about the job and different cruise lines and decided to apply to Chris Unstead for the job. I didn’t think I was going to get it as I was only 18 at the time but surely enough I did I and had my visa and flights with 2 months of getting the call and went on to join the Carnival family.

I was entertainment staff for 4 contracts starting by doing two back to back contracts on the Fascination. My first cruise director was Danny Blake and Dominika Zaremba was my ACD. I instantly grew a love for the role as I could dance around, use all my energy that I had and meet people from all over the world at the same time as exploring these wonderful ports and having my own adventure. I feel with every day I learn a new lesson and as a host I felt so lucky to be able to make our guests feel welcome and make sure they had a fantastic cruise experience and also create true positive guest connections with them.

As Asst. Cruise Director my role as a manager seems to complete my love for the position, not only can I make a difference with the guests and make their cruise adventure memorable but I can also make sure my team are enjoying their roles and teach them everything I have learned so together we can make this the best ever experience possible for our cruisers.

There are numerous activities and events that guests do not want to miss when they are on board the ship with me.

My favorite time of the whole week is Fun Hop and Deck Party. I think this is the best 3 hours of the cruise where our Dream Family members can see exactly what got me to my position today. I host a dance collage in the Ocean Plaza for each team where we combine classic and new dance moves to create our very own Dream dance troop and routine. (we’re not quite the Rockettes but we’re getting there!) Then up to the Lido deck where Color Team and Dream Family spirit becomes the night!

Something that is also very exciting about my job is that I am the administrator of the Funville@Sea, The only on board social network at sea and exclusively on the Carnival Dream. Through Funville, we get to start groups, discussion boards, blogs and interact with all of cruisers in a fun way. We have exclusive activities found out only through the free on board site, we use the site for our murder mystery game and investigation and we blog live on the morning show.

The best thing about being an ACD is making sure that everyone is happy and enjoying themselves, from guests right down to the crew members I work with each and every day. Being able to make sure that we provide out standing entertainment and being able to say I am part of the product is fantastic. There is also a feeling of being an ambassador for all the crew members as well and being able to represent Carnival Cruise Lines where ever I am in the world, whether it be on the ship or at home in Yorkshire, being able to say I am creating happiness and amazing memories for so many people is truly amazing.


George ’Baby Butch’ Roberts

I saw baby chicken in action during the CD conference last year when he was covering as cruise director. He had to perform in front of all the CD’s and the senior beards and he did a brilliant job. I know that he will be a CD soon and he will be for sure a favourite of many. He and Butch must make quite the team.

It seems that many of my fellow Brits are excited that Carnival is returning to Europe this year and are eagerly waiting to sail on their Carnival Magic. I know this following conversations today with Lynn in our UK office. Why do Brits love Carnival? Well they love the food, our unique interiors, the spectacular entertainment and the extraordinary service. Service in Brit restaurants and shops, etc. is equal to that found in a Botswana flea market and only just in front of the service found in the Dolphin Mall in Miami.

People love the British tourist. We are polite, sunburnt non-complaining tourists and nobody loves us more than the Americans. Now I know the following does not apply to any of my friends reading this blog but there are some people who still think of us in a fairy stereotypical way. We all wear bowler hats to work…that’s if we can get to work with all that fog…… it rains every day (that maybe true) and that at 3 pm every day the entire nation stops to have a cup of tea and eat cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off.

If only that were true and it wasn’t in fact a country where binge drinking is a national sport, David and Victoria Beckham are worshipped as Gods and where parts of our cities are only safe to walk around at night if you have hired a tank. Also, it seems that some still think of my beloved country as being rather small…. it is not uncommon then for a cruise ship guest from North America who hears someone is from the UK and who has a relative from there to say ….. ”I hear y’all from Britain…..do you know Bill?” All I have to do is teach Brits how to sodding tip!

I know I upset JJ the soap opera star yesterday with my praise of Ricky Gervais and that he and maybe others hate us Brits now. I remember also how last year while on the Carnival Conquest a guest refused to speak to me because of the BP oil spill. Well I am British, I am British through and through and damn proud of it. So now its time to go and relax grab an Indian curry or maybe a Turkish kebab sit on my Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

So that’s it for today, in fact that is it until Thursday when you will receive a video blog from me taken at St Jude. I will be on Facebook everyday with loads of updates and once on the Carnival Freedom I will be blogging every single day regardless. I know I have taken some more time off from blogging this vacation but I was (am) tired and I want to spend my last 4 days here in the UK with the girls. I hope you understand. If you need me for anything I will be on Facebook so please join me there. If not, I will see you all in Memphis and then on the Carnival Freedom as I start my time as CD again. There will be stories of happy guests, angry guests and everything else that goes into the best job in the world.

I hope you will all join me and thanks so much for your continuing friendship.


Your friend


Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.