Good morning everyone, this is Heidi and for those of you who are new to the blog thingy, I am John’s wife and John’s donkey. I will tell you what I mean in a minute but I wanted to say a very big thank you for your kindness and all the presents you have sent to Kye from the Bloggers Cruise. She loves all her Barney things and I love it because she loves it and Barney loves her and I love it even more because anything purple now drives my loving husband absolutely crazy so thank you everyone and I know I will see many of you on the Carnival Magic this year.

I know John is always having a pop at me here on the blog and I thought I would surprise him especially as we have a new blog format today. He knows nothing about this and thanks to Eric the Beard who replaced what John had written at the start of today’s blog with this, the first time he sees it will be later tonight. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I mentioned I was John’s donkey and I will explain why. Yesterday John took a reluctant day off from Facebook and the blog. I say reluctant because I had to threaten him with violence involving my foot and his bottom if I saw him turn on the laptop. Since he started Facebooking he spends an extra 3 – 4 hours a day and another 2 at night making sure he has answered questions. But we needed a day as a family and that’s why I insisted that we take Sunday to spend some time together. It was a lovely day and so we went for a walk on the beach which sounds nice and Kye really had fun collecting shells. It was a bright crisp day and all should have been good except that I was the donkey. While Kye and Dada skipped along the sand Mummy was carrying 300 wet wipes, a bag of dippers, toys, Kye’s food, spare shoes and an extra coat in case she got cold, Dada’s wallet, car keys, his cigar case and lighter and cutter, an oversized Barney, Barney colouring book and 24 crayons. Walking down the beach at Southend I must have looked like a female Quasimodo.

Thank you again for your kindness during the bloggers cruise and to everyone who is always writing kind words here on the blog thingy.


Time for today’s Q and A………….off we go.

Roland B Asked:
Response suggested!

I am very disturbed that Carnival will no longer have exclusive cocktail parties for their past guests. I feel that Carnival is not being loyal to me and the fact that I am a past guest does not matter anymore. I always loved my special recognition as a past guest at the party and will greatly miss it.

No more complimentary past guest pins. The Past Guest Rate is much higher than the Early Saver rate and no more past guest parties that this is a sign that past guest perks are gradually being eroded and our loyalty isn’t truly appreciated anymore. Will my shareholder on board credit be the next victim?

Is this a politically correct move so as to now “hurt anyone’s feelings” because they are excluded from a past guest function because are not a past guest?

In this economy, special recognition for being a past guest and especially a VIP is necessary. Other cruise lines have special parties for their VIPs only; will Carnival not consider doing this instead of a special party for all past guests. I have done 11 cruises with Carnival, more than most I would guess and am a VIP and deserve to be treated like one and not like all the other passengers. This is a huge mistake on Carnival’s part and I am disgusted by it.

John Says:
Hello Roland B,

Where oh where are you getting your information from? Whoever is giving it to you is talking absolute bollocks. We have not and do not intend to stop the past guest party. There are no intentions to change this. The pins are still available to all our Platinum guests which you are one of and we thank you for your loyalty. Our past guests have never been so important to us and we will continue to make sure that valued clients like you continue to feel special. So, keep smiling and know that everyone at Carnival, myself included, will continue to provide you with the best vacation in the world.

Best wishes,


Melissa Asked:

We Hope this letter finds you in good health and wonderful spirits, as I am sure you are missing Heidi and Kye. I am sure you are thinking that this letter is just like one of about a million you receive from people asking for a favor. However it is completely the opposite.

My husband and I are booked on the Magic Transatlantic (WOO-HOO !!!- We are so EXCITED!!!!!! not only for the first time experience on a new ship and a transatlantic journey at that, but for the fact that you will be the CD on board) We had the pleasure of you being the CD while we were on the Conquest in April, and loved every minute of it. You had us laughing so much and so hard, I think we just about peed our pants. Anyways, back to the reason why I am emailing you, my darling husband bought one of those electronic book reader thingy’s under the agreement that he would get rid of ALL of his books. You see, he has ummm…….well let’s just say ALOT of books. We would really like to donate them to the Magic, but we are not sure how to get them onboard. If we bring them with us to Barcelona, that could be a little pricey (with the way airlines are charging for checked bags) and then I thought that we could just have whoever came to pick us up in Galveston after the cruise to bring them, but when we were on the Ecstasy in September we asked one of the crew members in the library, and he said we could not do that. So we are coming to you with suggestions. We also have games and puzzles we would like to donate as well. Hopefully when we are on the Magic we will get a chance to meet You, Heidi and Kye in person. They will be on this voyage, won’t they?

Thanks for everything you do !


John Says:
Hello Melissa,

Thank you so very much for those kind words and I am thrilled to read that you will be joining me on the trans-Atlantic cruise on your Carnival Magic. I see that your husband has become a Kindle fan and I still can’t get into the whole electronic book idea. However, what really stood out from your posting is that he wants to donate his books to the ship. Wow…………that is truly fantastic. I have send your posting to someone in the office on Miami and they will be in touch with you as I am sure we can arrange to bring them onboard without any problems whatsoever. Thanks so much for your kindness and I look forward to thanking you personally in a few months time and showing you your new home. Thanks again and see you soon.

Best wishes,


Geoff N Asked:
John – Please reply

I started reading your blog following on from the Splendor fire and while it was well written I have to point out one very important mistake you seem to be ignoring consistently. I realize that you are from the United Kingdom but from what I have seen, most of your subscribers are American. Therefore you should respect this and use the correct North American spelling. This applies to your addition of the letter “U” for words such as “color” and the replacement of the letter “Z” in words like “realise”.

These are but two examples but there are many more and your constant repetition is annoying not just to me but I am sure to many others as well.

Now I wish to move onto my recent cruise on the Conquest. The majority of the experience was fulfilling yet one aspect has me very concerned. The daily program which you called Fun Times was riddled with mistakes both in spelling, grammar and punctuation. Each day I would sit down and highlight these errors and yet when I asked for a meeting with the Captain to discuss these I was told my request for a meeting had been denied. I found this lack of customer service to be humiliating, especially after I had taken the time out of my own vacation to highlight these glaring errors. I am requesting your immediate response to this and in your much heralded position as brand ambassador for Carnival Cruise Lines it will be interesting to see how you respond.

John Says:
Hello Geoff N,

Let me start first of all by saying how I hope that you had a brilliant time on the Carnival Conquest and that you found the time to relax and have fun. I am very sorry to learn that the Fun times had so many mistakes in it. I was also shocked by this as they are checked by two or three people before going to print. Now I should also say that one of those two or three people is not the captain and while he has overall command of the ship, he is not responsible for the production or the content of the Fun Times. Thank you for taking the time to check them and I am sure that the mistakes that you found have been corrected. In fact, a few days ago, here on the blog thingy, I posted the Carnival Conquest Fun Times. Maybe therefore you can have a look and see if those changes have in fact been implemented. Thanks again Geoff and I am so glad you enjoyed my blogs about the Carnival Splendor incident and that they had the right mix of information, fact…………….and humour (spelt correctly.)

Best wishes,


ZackAttack Asked:
Dear John, Please Reply

It’s Zack again, the teen cruiser who posted awhile back requesting more adventurous things that the Royal jerks have even though they lack the service and fun that Carnival revolves its Fun Ships around.. I remember your reply saying something about something coming on the Carnival Magic that will more than suffice this craving, and you’ve hit the jackpot with the Sports Square. Carnival never disappoints and the Carnival Magic is going to be one heck of a ship! Now if only I can convince my parents to book a cruise on it.

One suggestion for the ropes course… I am almost positive some form of release will be necessary for the ropes course that will require a signature here, there, and everywhere from the parents that, although they are on the ship, are “nowhere to be found.” Instead of going through all this trouble of signing in the middle of the cruise, possible in a windy situation outside where attendants could be doing better things than giving out release forms, include a release form(s) in the cabin on the first day of the cruise so it can be taken care of instantly and away from the wind. Or, if an employee is required to witness the signatures here there and everywhere, have the service managers working shoreside issuing Sail & Sign cards and checking guest in to offer the release forms. This would save time, paper, and annoyances onboard. That was a bit long winded (sorry) but I’ve experienced the same problems aboard the Snot of the Seas and… well… it wasn’t fun to say the least.

Anyways, love the blog as always and keep em’ coming! Also, you probably don’t remember because you are very busy and I completely understand, but if you could someday find that chance to interview an I/S Manager onboard, that would be simply fantastic because it’s my dream job… computer’s + cruise ship = Dream Job Keep the other interviews coming (ACDs) as they are great too, anything ship life amuses me!

Thanks for all you do… I’ll be on a cruise with you someday, parent’s cruise choice permitting…


John Says:
Hello ZackAttack,

It is great to hear from you again mate and I hope that by now you have indeed convinced your parents to book a cruise. There is no doubt that RCI have some fantastic things on their ships for the thrill seekers out there and now we have something to rival there hardware with your Carnival Magic’s ropes course. The staff will be trained on this as obviously safety is the priority and I am sure therefore we will be have many hours of training conducted by men with beards wearing high visibility jackets. I am going to be publishing all the details about this once I get to the shipyard in a few weeks time and I will certainly bring up your idea on the waiver form being placed in the cabin as it is an excellent one mate. I hope by now that you saw the interview with the head of the shipboard IT program John Harshaw which I posted at your request and which I hope you found fascinating. I truly hope we see you soon and that you get to experience the rope swing course for yourself.

Best wishes to you and the family.



Well my Mother and I just returned from our cruise on the Fantasy and I have to say that what you did for my Mother was so special. You may remember that I had written to you on Facebook saying that this year had been tough for her with my Father being diagnosed with Alzimers and my DH being posted on his second tour of Afghanistan with the USAF. I asked if you could arrange a table for two so we could talk as I live in Washington and my Mother lives in California so we don’t get time to really talk. Well not only did you arrange this table but your thoughtful note telling Mother that you were thinking of her and the chocolate strawberries you sent along with it brought tears to her eyes and mine. You really did something very special there John and I will never forget it. Can I though ask for one more favor from you and that is to tell whoever is in charge of the room stewards that Lamai who looked after us in cabin U 102 was fantastic.

Thank you again John. You are a very special person to so many and that includes me and my Mother.

John Says:

Thank you for those beautiful words and I will make sure your stateroom steward Lamai and her supervisors, the hotel director and housekeeping manager, gets to see your words of praise. I am glad you both had time to talk and please know that your family remains in my thoughts.

Best wishes and thanks again for taking the time to write.


SallyOwl Asked:
John please reply

Hi John,

We haven’t read your blog for a couple of days because we’ve been so involved with the news of Queensland’s terrible floods – we’re OK, but more than 20,000 homes have been under water this week, and the town where John’s parents lived (until they were too old) has literally been swept away. You can imagine how much we needed some good news – and this is WONDERFUL news!!

Is there some way that, as past passengers (and Carnival Spirit lovers!) we can be notified when bookings open? We want to be on the first Carnival cruise from Sydney!!

Good on you, mate – this is beaut news!

John Says:
Hello SallyOwl,

As I write this blog I am watching the continuing news of the terrible tragedy in Japan and it is easy to forget that just a few weeks ago the city of Christchurch New Zealand was also devastated by an earthquake. I am so glad that your family are OK and please send them all our best wishes. It sounds like you are excited for the Carnival Spirit to join you down there and hopefully very soon we will be releasing the details you need to book your Carnival fun for all cruise……..which judging by what you have just been through………is a cruise you truly deserve.

I am so glad to know you are all OK and please stay in touch here on the blog thingy and on Facebook.

Best wishes to all,


Fun Dad Asked:

My wife and I have enjoyed several Carnival cruises, the last one was on the Glory. On every cruise we received the best of care from the whole Carnival team. I say team because not only did we receive the best service ever, it was obvious that the Carnival crew supported each other and worked well together. The Carnival crew puts in long hours and long contracts. Because of there long tours at sea, they miss out on a lot of special family occasions, like holidays, birthdays, weddings and funerals.

My son the Fun Dude, who you met on the dream and is still on the Dream, is one of those hard workers that misses out on these special occasions. So my brother and I are going to celebrate my 70th and his 63rd birthday on the Dream April 9th cruise. My birthday is Sunday April 10th and my brother Kelly, is Friday April 15th. It would be great if you could arrange so Jeff the Fun Dude could have dinner with us on those two occasions. We have early dinning and his shows I believe don’t start until 8:45 PM.

I am booked in state room 6463 and my brother is booked in stateroom 6443. We would be great if you could send my brother Kelly Shaw a birthday surprise on Friday April 15th.

Carnivals comedy club has gotten a lot of great reviews and that makes me very proud that my son was part of that success. If you ever plan to feature him and the comedy club, please let me know so I won’t miss it.

I enjoy your blog and I hope you don’t change a blumin thing.
I hope some day we can meet and I will light your cigar and buy you a beer.

Thank you

Tom Shaw (Fun Dad)

John Says:
Hello Fun Dad,

I am a big fan of your son and he does such a wonderful job with the comedy club which as you know is now called Punchliner. I have written to the CD on the ship and asked Butch to give his permission to have Jeff be off duty so you can celebrate your birthday with a great dinner and lots of family time. I am positive this will be OK. I wish you a wonderful cruise and please give my best to the Fun Dude.

Best wishes,


Peggy Defoe Asked:
John~ (Please read and reply)

My husband is an alcoholic and it’s best for him and I and those around him to stay away from it. Last year our first cruise was on Celebrity and it was rough, they really didn’t have enough activities to keep us busy and don’t get me started on the lack of evening food choices. I know Carnival will have a much better entertainment list and the 24 hour places to eat will help. I would love to get him the soda card (juices and ice tea get old after a few days) but it is my understanding that you have to go to the bar for it. I have read on Cruise Critic that the bar servers don’t like serving people for sodas as they don’t make as much money. This has me worried because then my husband may then go to bar to get served and then end up drinking. Is this true?

Thanks John,


John Says:
Hello Peggy Defoe,

Thanks so much for writing. We have some truly excellent bar waiters who are committed to providing the same prompt, friendly service whether you’re ordering a glass of Diet Coke or a glass of scotch. Please don’t worry then and if you need anything else or wish me to do anything for you please let me know.

Best wishes to you both


Duck Duck Girl Asked:

The subject I am referring to is the case of the missed port on the Carnival Glory. If you are not aware of this let me fill you in. The ship was heading for Nassau when a someone was taken seriously ill and the ship had to turn around, rendezvous with United States Coast Guard who collected the patient. The ship was unable to make port the following day due to this and, passengers were given just $25 shipboard credit. Later that day we were told that the patient was CREWMEMBER a fact that had been hidden by the captain during his announcements. To receive just $25 for a missed port and the one that my boyfriend and I had been excited about the most is not acceptable. Why couldn’t we have taken him off by helicopter? My sister says that usually they take them off by helicopter which if had happened here would have allowed us to go to Nassau. I have written to Carnival but have not heard any reply. We are going to post our complaints online so millions will see that customer service at Carnival sucks. What are you going to do to make your customer happy?

John Says:
Hello Duck Duck Girl,

I am sorry but you might not like this reply but I am speaking from the heart. So while I can understand that you were disappointed about missing Nassau I cannot believe that you would put a price on a person’s life. So I ask you, how much money is a human life worth ……. $50? …… $100….$1,000……….a free cruise?…….How much would make you happy?………and to suggest that because it was a crewmember whose life was saved the refund should be higher than if it were a passenger makes me feel physically sick.

Having helped organize many of these rescue operations myself I can tell you that the captain does not decide… go where the US Coast Guard tells you to go. The captain then navigates to the designated rendezvous to meet the helicopter or ship provided by the brilliant men and women of the U.S. Coast Guard. I know it’s upsetting to miss a port of call however I simply ask this question. If it was a member of your family whose life was being saved by the ship’s medical staff, the Captain and crew and Coast Guard……..How would you feel?…….. thankful and grateful that they had saved your life I am sure.

I hope you enjoyed your cruise and I know I often try and help resolve guest complaints here on the blog. What I am I going to do with this comment……………absolutely bugger all.


Calgary Cruiser Asked:
Hello John, Please reply

John I just wanted to Thank You and all the others for the tireless work you put into this blog thingy. I do have a question for you. We are on the June 24, Grand Med sailing on the Carnival Magic. I know that when we land in Rome we will get our passports stamped. How would I go about getting it stamped in all the country’s we visit? (Yes even France.) Also do you know if they will stamp it in Monaco and at the Vatican since they are technically individual countries? Thank you for all you do not only for me but for everyone.

John Says:
Hello Calgary Cruiser,

Thanks for the kind words about the blog. I am glad that most people enjoy it. I know it maybe not everyone’s cup of tea but I do my best to make sure that it has a constant mix of fun and information.

While we will not be taking your passports onboard or require you to go through customs and immigration it is still possible to get your passport stamped in many of the ports of call. The places you will visit with the exception of Dubrovnik, Croatia, are all part of the European Union and thus have open borders. However, if you take your passport to the local post offices in Naples, Venice, Cannes and Florence or Livorno they will stamp them for you. I have not heard of anyone being able to do this though in the Vatican. I don’t think that is possible as they don’t have an official crossing area just a ring of different coloured pavement marking the boundaries.

You will need to take your passport ashore in Croatia as everyone needs to have their proof of citizenship with them when they proceed ashore and if you ask the inspectors they will stamp the passport for you.

I hope this helps and if you have any questions about these ports and what to do there please let me know. See you soon and thanks again for those kind words.

Best wishes


That’s all for today. I will return with more tomorrow.

This week the annual Cruise Shipping Miami Convention, the year’s largest cruise event got underway in Miami. This yearly event is where everyone who wants to attract business from the cruise lines pitches their wares and hopes someone will take them onboard. This ranges from people representing ports of call from all over the world to tour operators, food vendors and people who want to offer their services.

The day starts when all the presidents and top executives sit at a table and pretend to like each other in the same sort of way you pretend to like your wife’s ex-boyfriend. You shake his hand and smile while secretly thinking what a bastard he is. My suggestion that the State of the Union cruise ship forum all the cruise line presidents give be replaced with presidential cage fighting was ignored. Probably because Mr. Fain was scared that Gerry Cahill would open a huge can of whoop arse!

Anyway, I will let you know what’s happening at the convention here and on Facebook.

So, how do you like the new blog? I love it and I think you might need a tour so let me turn things over to the designer of this new page. However, before I do, here is a quick message from me about the new blog.



Here then is Eric the Beard to take you around and explain some of the new features.

Hello Bloggy People! Hope you all had a brilliant weekend!

As you can see, today is the day we’ve all been waiting for, John’s new blog thingy design is finally alive! This morning, I put on my special tux and my limited-edition John Heald head cuff-links, and was about to shave for the occasion until I tweeted what I was about to do and Bearded Everett @-replied some sense into me, reminded me that the bearded look is in this season, and suggested I calm my nerves with a tofu shake using the “good stuff” from our secret stash. I’m not sure what had gotten into me.

Anyway, I digress…

By now I’m sure most of you have taken a look around the new blog thingy and done some exploration on your own. However, there are so many new and exciting features that we’ve added with this redesign, that it might be a little overwhelming at first, and could cause some lightheadedness if you try take it all in at once (similar to the way you might feel if you walked into John’s stateroom with a pair of his underpants enclosed inside for a couple of hours.) It might even make you hallucinate and feel like you can read John’s thoughts! 🙂

With that said, I wanted to give you a quick breakdown of some of the new features you can now find on John’s blog, to make it all a bit easier.

Are you ready?! You sure? Strap on a high visibility jacket and let’s go!

Let’s start with the pages up at the top. Some new things we’ve added are:

  1. Sail With John – Here you will not only find out what ship John is on right now and in the future, you will also see the most up-to-date Cruise Director and Assistant Cruise Director schedules across the entire fleet.
  2. John Talk – Ever read something John has written and you have absolutely NO IDEA what on earth he is talking about? Well, you’re not alone. So have us beards, and I can tell you it’s more frustrating than trying to track down Megan Fox’s new unlisted number, on a daily basis, for John Heald’s little black book. That being said, this is where John Talk was born; a glossary of John-isms that will hopefully help both you and all of us beards FINALLY understand what John is actually sodding talking about 🙂
  3. FAQs – As many of you know, John receives hundreds of questions every day on this here blog thingy. What you might not know is that over half of them John has already answered, between 5–10 times, on his blog while sitting in his underpants of course. So, in an attempt to make things easier on John, his underpants, and everyone, we now have a section where all of those questions are now answered and easily accessible. There are currently only a few posted, but we are looking for many more! Read below to see how you can help!
  4. Ask John – This is a brand new feature and a BIG change for everyone, including you, John and us beards. We feel it’s truly the best way to move forward, and will keep all of your questions organized and help John answer them more quickly and efficiently. To find out how this works, check out the Ask John page here: link

Now let’s move onto the sidebar, which is on the right-hand side of the blog.

  1. Subscribe to John posts via email – This is now easier than ever. Just fill out the form on the right and you will start getting John’s blog sent to your inbox after each new post goes up.
  2. Media Center – Catch John’s latest video, and his most recent pictures, all in one spot.
  3. Facebook – You can now “Like” — that’s not a euphemism! it’s cleaner than it sounds! 🙂 — John’s Facebook page and follow along with his daily musings without ever leaving this here blog thingy. Ahh technology, gotta love it!
  4. Mate of the Week – There sure is a lot of John around here these days, isn’t there? Well, one of the main features John wanted in this new design was a place he could show off all of YOU… thus Mate of the Week was born. So, if you have a photo of you and John that you LOVE and would like to maybe be the next Mate of the Week, please send it to with the subject line “Mate of the Week,” for consideration… and check back every Monday to see if it’s your week.

Last but not least, let’s move onto the footer of the blog at the very bottom.

  1. Connect with the Beards – This is a place where you can connect with all of us all over the Internet thingy including Facebook, Twitter, and more. You’ll also notice our new bearded tofu mascot, who according to rumour (spelt correctly) was modeled after some glamour shots I had taken of me on the Carnival Triumph.
  2. John’s Help Desk – This section was created for YOU. It has links to some of the most-asked-about content, including Fun Times, CD schedules, Steakhouse reservation links and more! It will be continuously updated, and if you have any other suggestions for what you would like there, please let us know.

There you have it: a mini breakdown of some of the newest features of John’s blog! Before I go, I just want to send a HUGE bearded shout-out and thank you to Bearded Everett, who was a HUGE part of the redesign and overall functionality decisions. I can’t forget the rest of the beards, either, who helped in more ways than you will ever know. Thank you guys!

We are all super-excited about the new design, and I truly hope you all love it as much as we do! 🙂 If you have any suggestions, feedback, or random thoughts about anything you see here, please let us know. Many of these changes were made with you in mind and were based on the feedback we’ve been receiving for the last couple of years. However, we’re not done making John’s blog rock, and we’re looking to you to help us make this blog rock even harder.

Thanks again, now go explore!

Eric the Beard.

I want to thank Eric so very much for this brilliant new design and I hope you tell us what you think as well. Now one of the pages above is incomplete and that’s the FAQ’s…………or the “Oh bloody hell, not that question again, I just answered it yesterday you idiot “……..bit.

So this is where I need your help. Rather than me sit here…….in my underpants…………typing up the FAQ’s I wondered if I could ask for your help. Is there a question that you are sick and tired of seeing again and again? If so, please can your post the question and the answer on today’s blog. Yes, I am a lazy sod but I am also taping into the vast array of knowledge that you all have so…………off you go…………..and thanks so much. I truly do hope you like the new blog thingy.

I have been second guessing myself these last few minutes and I have found my finger has been hovering over the delete button as I try to decide whether or not to delete my reply to Duck Duck girl. I have though decided to leave it there as I was speaking from the heart. So maybe I should say sorry then.

It wouldn’t be the first time I have had to say sorry today. I also had to say sorry this morning for not replacing the toilet paper roll. Women have the gene that allows them to do this and men do not. I will use the very last piece of paper on the roll and look down at the bare cardboard cylinder and simply hope it gets replaced soon…..sort of like a dog looking at his empty bowl. This does not just apply to toilet paper roll but all the goods in the house. I guess this comes from living at home where Mum took care of everything to working on a ship for 21 years where various stateroom stewards all called Ketut took care of my every need…….including replacing the toilet roll. But then I realised something that means I am not going to delete my reply or say sorry. I maybe would have if the writer had used their real name………..or even half a real name ……………but to have to reply to someone called Duck Duck……… ridiculous. I should have finished my reply with:

Best Wishes,
Johnny Wonny

Talking of complaints I have to mention my conversation with Ken Byrne, Carnival’s premier maitre d. He is just off the Carnival Conquest and will be joining me on your Carnival Magic in April. We have been friends for many years and I like to think we are very, very similar. We are both are very close to our families and have an unrivalled passion when it comes to Carnival Cruise Lines. We both always try to put the guests first and always do everything we can to make sure the guest has what they desire………sometimes though that is not possible and what they ask for is something that cannot be done.

Ken was telling me about some guests he had on the Carnival Legend this past year. The guest wanted a table for 14……..Ken explained that the largest table we have in the dining room was 12 …that’s the captain’s table and even offered him that with a smaller table close by. Now, not only was the guest not happy with this but he swore, screamed and threatened Ken with violence. This man got so upset that he was shaking his fist inches from Ken’s face. Now Ken, being Ken, managed to calm the situation down because he is the best at what he does. However, there are many who would not have been able to handle that situation and, of course…..… should never have to.

Ken laughed this off because he is a true professional but as Ducky Duck……oops……..I accidentally nearly replaced the D with an F there………….has gotten me in a bit of a mood……….I want to say that this behaviour would never have been allowed on a plane. Can you imagine shouting at a flight attendant asking why they don’t supply parachutes or why we have to pay a billion dollars for a Diet Coke? If we did what that guy did to Ken we risk being accused of air rage and thrown off the plane. It’s the same story at the hotel check in desk. Or at a car hire desk. Or in a restaurant. It’s the same story everywhere. React, and you will be thrown out, kicked off or a burly security guard has arrived and you’re lying on the sidewalk with a broken spleen. But not a cruise ship. And this drives me crazy. Yes, there is a certain standards of service that we all must adhere to and sometimes guests have a reason to get angry. However, threaten a crew member…. any crew member……..with violence……………then that guest must in my opinion be disembarked in the next port…………preferably naked with a Fun Ship Freddy doll protruding from their bottom.

So I hope you enjoy this brilliant new design that Eric has produced…… favourite bit is the cartoon Tofu character ….complete with beard. See you here tomorrow and on Facebook throughout the week.

I can’t go today without talking about Japan and the pictures I have seen on the news. The devastation is of biblical proportions yet I was humbled by the sight of hundreds of people bedded down quietly, presumably following instructions.

I am thinking of the catastrophic damage of the earthquake and tsunami and how they all pull together. No stories of looting yet, complaints about lack of information or complaining at all for that matter, although they would be forgiven for doing so. My girls are safe, fed, warm and dry, and yet this morning I found myself complaining about the price of petrol (gas) here in the UK. Shame on me for doing so.

On all the footage I have seen on the news of wives search for missing husbands and the families sifting through broken homes, I never heard a single raised voice or expression of impatience. Fuel prices, missing a port call in Nassau…..suddenly those things are put totally into perspective and I could learn from the Japanese who are dealing with tragedy beyond my wildest nightmares ………in such an admirable manner.


Your friend,


P.S You can find the Carnival Liberty Fun Times here.

Comment Policy

Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous, unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.

159 Responses to Eric the Beard and His Brand New Tofu Powered Blog

  1. nytraveller53 says:

    Loving the new blog design! It’s modern, yet amusing! Keep up the great work, beards!

  2. Betty says:

    Hi John and Heidi – I’m replying to the message left by Georff N. who complained about the “incorrect” spelling in your blogs. Since Mr. Geoff is American, he probably doesn’t know that not only is the correct spelling used in your blogs considered “correct” in the UK, it is also correct in many other countries including Canada. Americans only make up 7.5% of the world’s population – so why should the rest of us have to abide by their incorrect spelling????? News flash Geoff ….. Americans are not all they think they are!!!!! Thank you John for sticking to your guns and spelling things like they are in your country and mine! Perhaps if Geoff was a little more accepting and polite (like Canadians) we wouldn’t have to read this rubbish on your very interesting blog. Keep up the good work!

    • Martha says:

      There is no need to run down someone’s nationality to make your point.

    • Rob says:

      Funny that Geoff is complaining about English spelling on behalf of all of us Americans. In America shouldnt the spelling of HIS name be changed to JEFF?

    • Irene Garner says:

      I agree with you 100%. I have even been asked to change my accent, just to pronounce a person’s name the way they say it. American English is not the Universal language

    • terri says:

      I agree. I might be an American but I am not one to judge people’s spelling. I am a lousy speller, and the way John rights is lovely. I love the use of the UK spellings, and to me it is part of the charm that has kept me reading this blog.

      • Betty says:

        In response to all you Americans who responded to Geoff’s criticism of John’s spelling…you have restored my faith in Americans. Thank you for showing that my US neighbours to the south can be accepting of others.

    • Heidi the Red says:

      Besides….shouldn’t it be Jeff?

  3. Andrew says:

    John, I started reading your blog in August after booking my first Carnival cruise. Until tonight, I’ve never felt the desire to write to you or the forum. In fact, I’ve been surprised how many people do write to you asking for freebies or with a critique about your clothes, weight, etc. But then I read the post from Ducky Duck and wondered if you, in your customer service role, might sugarcoat your response with a “the customer is always right” mindset. I am so glad you didn’t. Ducky Duck was just one of many folks with a false sense of entitlement on Carnival’s website and I was so glad you gave her a piece of your mind without worrying about whether or not you’d lose a customer. Although I can’t agree with you on Megan Fox’s…um…assets (I prefer Scott Caan) I think your response to the Duck was perfect. Well done!

    • Jodi says:

      I concur. I have been reading the blog for some time now and have commented multiple times on both your professionalism and sainthood yet waiting with baited breath for a response such as this one to Ducky Trucky or whatever the silly name is. Couldn’t even be bothered to use her real name! And the fact that you nearly, but didn’t, spell it with an “f” still proves my point that you are a consumate professional. Bless you St. John. And if you ever meat Miss Duck, I would be happy to provide a Fun Ship Freddy for you to dispose of properly in this instance.

    • terri says:

      I know what I would have told her and it wouldn’t have been near as nice as John’s reply. With all the thousands of people that travel Carnival, there are bound to be a few that complain, and put their childish mind sets above all. I would hate to be around when this young lady finds out that she isn’t the queen “B”

  4. Alice Elliott says:

    Love new Blog . The Beards did a great job .

  5. nanetteali says:

    You reply to ducky duck was just…..brilliant! simply marvelous. That and more she deserves for being so…….oh well no words for that.

    • Rhonda M. says:

      I completely agree with you! That girl was a blankety blank blank.

    • Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

      I agree. As I was telling David about the post, DJ walked by and said
      “sounds like a duck duck ding bat that needs to grow up”.

      I have to say…”out of the mouthes of babes”.

      Linda (Mom of DJ)

  6. I think Ken did a little boxing in a former life, did he not? Hopefully the jerk was put off at the next port and told not to return to Carnival. There is too much violence in today’s “society” and it really needs to be dealt with swiftly and effectively on a cruise ship. Zero tolerance.

  7. helen says:

    Hi John
    I have no idea how on earth you and the staff on the ship put up with irrational guest. you sure do have a way with words

    Ducky Duck you would be the same person who would make a comment…I will use a gas station as an example on Christmas day… “It so bad that you can not be with your family today.” The staff want to scream well you are creating the demand for us to be here today. Why not get your gas yesterday when you were here. But no the customer is always right (sort of) and you keep your mouth shut and not say a word.

    John you made me laugh with your comment to Ducky Duck good for you for telling him/her the plain simple truth that they should of thought of before they shot their mouth off. Don’t say your sorry. If more people actually spoke thier mind, people would be more considerate.

  8. Sandy D says:

    [Quote]Duck Duck Girl Asked:

    The subject I am referring to is the case of the missed port on the Carnival Glory. If you are not aware of this let me fill you in. The ship was heading for Nassau when a someone was taken seriously ill and the ship had to turn around, rendezvous with United States Coast Guard who collected the patient. The ship was unable to make port the following day due to this and, passengers were given just $25 shipboard credit. Later that day we were told that the patient was CREWMEMBER a fact that had been hidden by the captain during his announcements. To receive just $25 for a missed port and the one that my boyfriend and I had been excited about the most is not acceptable. Why couldn’t we have taken him off by helicopter? My sister says that usually they take them off by helicopter which if had happened here would have allowed us to go to Nassau. I have written to Carnival but have not heard any reply. We are going to post our complaints online so millions will see that customer service at Carnival sucks. What are you going to do to make your customer happy?[end quote]

    Please tell
    Duck Duck Girl to grow a heart!!!

  9. Marie Wolff says:

    John and the Beards. Love the new setup!
    Heidi so nice to hear from you. Kisses to Kye.

  10. jgeraci says:

    Welcome to Motherhood. You are doing what us mothers have been doing since time began. I’ve learned over these many years to just go with the flow & make the most of it. Soon she’ll be grown up & you’ll still be toting around His stuff. That’s Life! Believe me, the alternative isn’t so great!

  11. Hi John. I love this new blog. I like the fact that there are so many other things that we can do. I really love the Mate of the Week. I’m going to have to see if I have any photos of you, Mary Lou and Me. I hope so. Well that’s it for now.

    Paul F. Pietrangelo

  12. Marty Paul says:


    Love the new Blog design! Just read it and have not totally explored it, but it is great!!

    The video message was razor sharp, and as I have a HD monitor on my computer, you must promise never to do a video in only your underpants, EVER! There is such a thing as TOO MUCH High Definition!!

    Again, love the new blog. Kudos to the beards and may tofu rain from the sky for them.

    Marty (& Jeanne) Paul

    P.S. Hope to sail with you on BC5 (HMC, HMC, HMC!!)

  13. I love the new fangled blog that Eric and the rest of the beards made for you and Stephanie! I hope that it makes your life easier!!!

    60 days until we see you on Magic!!!

  14. Susie Trimble says:

    Love the new Blog John!!! And Ducky’s comment was uncalled for. The health and safety of the crew and passengers are 1st and foremost

  15. Frank and Bridie says:

    John I love the new design, and am so glad you got some time with Kye and Heidi at the beach even though its sounds like you and kye had all the fun. Now as for ducky duck what nerve of some people.. The as for ken the singing sinatra there he sure impressed me that he can calm a situation like that.. There is never a need to threaten violence..

    We love the new blog.. Now lets just throw some purple in here and didnt you say something about sound files or ringtones??

  16. chad konefe says:

    looks good

  17. old Yeoman says:

    Love the new blog format. One thing I have been wishing for (for a while now) is a “return to top” button at the bottom of the blog – I think I have burned a mouse out scrolling up after all the Q&A’s at times. Other than that – fantastic!

  18. jobella says:

    John, you said more than what I feel you should of to Duck Duck Girl, however you being who you are, I understand why you do take the time to respond to individuals like her. I truly love the new blog site and can’t wait to explore all the little hidden gems. It’s just like the first day on a new (new to me) ship and learning about all the secret hiding spots. Cheers to you John and never stop being who you are. (That includes spelling the way you were taught). 😉

  19. Dina says:

    I’m glad you set Ducky Duck straight. She needs to learn what is important in life. You were 100% right in your reply.

    Dina K

  20. DannyK says:

    @Peggy: I get the soda card and have never had a problem getting a soda from a bar. I don’t spend a lot of time by the pool since I can do that almost 365 days a year, but I found it difficult to get a drink, not just a soda, at the Lido pool bar. I would think that a tip here and there to any server bringing a soda to your chair is in order. I would usually get my soda at the Atrium bar and never had a problem there and found that bar much less busy.
    As far as the FAQ goes, I suggest lifting some material directly from Hopefully that information is up to date and correct. Or, just link to that FAQ so as not to duplicate the info and have to worry about differences (that are sure to be pointed out) between what John’s FAQ says and an “official” Carnival FAQ.
    And to Geoff: If you can’t even spell Jeff correctly, don’t tell John how to spell color.

  21. Rhonda M. says:

    Heidi – I have to say that I have 3 girls (my oldest is going to college in the fall) and I have been a donkey since the oldest was born. 🙂 The things you have to carry for them get smaller at least! Best wishes and take care!

  22. Karen says:

    John, Loving the new blog. Nice job techies! Now, PLEASE do not apologize for standing up to rude, thoughtless and obnoxious people and their irritating demands. I respectfully ask that you continue to be you, including getting hot on certain topics and putting people in their place as needed (with humor/humour?)That’s why your blog is so great John, because you tell it like it is. Carry one buddy!

  23. Bill Heck says:

    Hello John:

    Just got in the house and wanted to look at your new format. Great, the beards did you proud.

    Duck Duck Girl has to be fake doesn’t it? I can’t imagine being so selfish. Some things happen and the line has an obligation to protect life at all times. What is the matter with you Duck Duck Girl?

    I will sign off now and do something else until I figure out how to understand someone so shallow.

    Glad your family is together again, and by the way, spell however you want, we can figure it out.

    Your Friend

    Bill Heck

    With the lucky wife.

  24. DannyK says:

    Recommend a FAQ entry on Luggage Express. What it is and airports that are available. Keep in mind, if you mention prices you will need to pay careful attention if Carnival changes the cost. That item is not in the Funville FAQ.

  25. Linda Evans says:

    The beards have done a great job with this site construction blog thingy. It is first class. Duck Duck needs to get F..ked F..ked. Good for you on this call. A life is no less valuable because it belonged to a crew member. She’s absurd.

  26. Mike says:

    I can’t believe some people want you to use “North American” spelling on your blog. Someone might want to inform the Canadians about using this “North American” spelling also since the last time I checked they generally conformed to Commonwealth, or what I like to call, “Rest of the world outside the USA English”.

    I’m not sure how this could possibly bother people. I like to credit the US based readers of John’s blog with enough wherewithall so that the presence of a U in “colour”, the lack of a Z in “realise”, or one particular alignment of the final two letters in “theatre” over another would not render his posts unintelligible.

    What next? Should all non American crewmembers, including John, be required to affect American accents during cruises because the majority of the guests are American?

  27. Helene Apper says:

    Good for you with your comment to Duck Duck (oops..almost put my own “F” there). I’ve been through that before on a ship — the selfishness and narcissism amazes me. I don’t think you should apologize to her and I am sure many agree with me. One cannot put a price on someone’s life. The fact that they were a crew member has no effect. Two hip hip hoorays for you!

  28. First of all, let me say that I really like the looks of the newly desined blog. Your bearded friends have outdone themselves yet again. I thoroughly enjoy reading all of the blogs. I’ve been able to gather many good tips and ideas for our upcoming cruise on the Liberty on April 30th. Only 45 more sleeps!!! My wife and I took our first cruise last April on the Liberty, and enjoyed it so much that we came home and talked about it to friends and relatives. We must have done a good job because there are 10 of us going this year. I think we have everything under control. The booking numbers are hooked together, and we have five balcony staterooms on Verandah deck, all next to each other. The only request that I would make of you, if you would be so kind, is to request a table for the ten of us in the Golden Olympian Dining Room. We are confirmed for late sitting, and we also have a confirmed reservation for Harry’s Steakhouse. Once again John, thank you so much for all that you do for all of us. I hope that we will be able to join you on a Transatlantic in about 3 years when I retire.

  29. Bobbi says:

    John, Heidi, Eric and all the other beards,

    Awesome new blog and blog design. I went over the whole things once the traffic died down and I was able to get in. We saw the preview on BC4 but it is even better once I got my hands on it. I love it and great job all. One last question Eric, where are the ring tones??

    Hugs to you all and an extra for Kye!


    • Eric the Beard says:

      Hey Bobby,

      We are still editing them and making sure they can work on different types of phones. They should be up hopefully by next week! 🙂

  30. Waiting4acruise says:

    I like the new look to your blog. Eric the Beard did a great job.

  31. Karen L says:

    Love the new format (tho I don’t understand the symbols on the Connect with the Beards feature), and I thoroughly agree with your response to Ducky Duck.

    Re Geoff N’s comments about misspellings in the Fun Times: The daily programs need to be put together on a short time frame, and they usually end up with some typos. This is not unique to Carnival; I’ve found it on Princess and Celebrity too. A friend and I call it “cruise speak” and it gives us a good laugh. (On my most recent cruise on Celebrity, the daily program advertised a wine tasting and said that an “extra feel would apply.”)

  32. Heidi,

    Your very welcome. I hope Kye enjoys all the things set to here from the Evil Crew on the Carnival Glory bloggers cruise.

    I thank you on behalf of all the Evil Crew for your help getting John with our Barney Evil.

    To Ducky Duck, never mind I’m not wasting my time on you in here or on a ship if your drowning.

    BIG Ed

  33. ann mccleskey says:

    dear john
    phooey on geoff, your brittish spelling is only one of the things that makes the blog thingy so charming. change nothing
    ann from schulenburg

  34. dear beards, good job!

    dear heidi, you are most welcome and good to hear from you!

    dear john, please tell ducky duck to go duck off…

    smiles, bee

  35. WTXCRUISER says:

    Isn’t it funny that a guy named Jeff who spells his name Geoff is offended by your spelling the British way? Jeff (spelled correctly) does not speak for me. And for you Jeff, get a life. If the spelling of words on the blog and incorrect punctuation offends you then bugger off!! Anyway, I like the new blog format. As for Duck Duck nice reply. Hopefully, she will waddle off somewhere else.

  36. Ronald Pope says:

    Love the new Blog …. period.

    Love also the way you cleared up the bad info for Roland B. – as this stuff does come up on CC – as just bad information. Why would someone worry about spelling and grammer on a cruise ? Geoff N. – “get off”
    And DUCK DUCK Girl — You were totaly correct in the way You answered her – a bit more polite than I would have been..Cheers

  37. Bobbie Sue says:

    I am so sorry that some people do not understand that life comes first, no matter whose life it is.

    I love Carnival!!!! The crew and ships are just wonderful.. I just wish I had the funding to do the TA on the “Magic”.

    Keep up the “EXCELLENT” job you do and hope you enjoy your time with family.

  38. ingrid joyal says:

    So John, love the new blog, love your response to Duck. Not so much you asking us if you were to harsh though. You are ALWAYS diplomatic, you ALWAYS have compassion and you ALWAYS respond appropriately. Just know this and never again second guess yourself.

    Duck isn’t the first bottomhole and won’t be the last. Ignore them or else stand tall by your answers, we love you and will ALWAYS have your back.


  39. Henry Nyhuis says:

    John, you’ve done it again! I have John Healdtinitus! Like many others you have us hooked! We are addicted to your blog and facebook! You and the beards have fished us in! Great format, great blogs! Keep on sailing! I hope you continue to sail with with Carnival.

  40. debbie marino says:

    Ilove the new blog! And I think your resp onse to Duck Duck was spot on!! Quack

  41. John_And_Gary says:

    I do like the new look and functions of blog thingy. Great job to you and all of the beards.

    As for the Duck’s complaint, I too could not believe the implication that they were more offended since a crew member was being rescued.

    I do have extreme respect for what all of the crew has to put up with, and keep smiling through. Keep up the great work, and thank you for all that you and all of Carnival’s crew has always done for the guests.

  42. Tina G says:

    Hi John, Heidi & Beards,

    Love the new blog – truly one stop shopping so to speak. Nice to hear from you Heidi – many blessings to you and Kye sharing him with the lot of us!! And John, trying to find the words but was repulsed by the comments from Duck and your reply was spot on! Be safe.

  43. I love the new look of this blog, and I am one person who does not like change in the least. I’ve never responded on the blog, but have read you since almost the beginning, and felt this needed comment. Your response to Duck Duck was much more diplomatic than mine would have been,and that’s why you are Carnivals Brand Ambassador. Thank you for who you are, and please never change.

  44. ann mccleskey says:

    dear john
    ignore geoff. your brittish spelling is part of your charm.
    ann from schulenburg

  45. EWS says:

    Love the new Blog. Thanks for all the hard work to get it together. I am still shaking my head over Ducky Duck’s comments. It always amazes me that there are such selfish people in this world.

  46. Timoneer says:

    Great new blog design! Thanks to all involved for helping to improve the blog and provide information to readers.

    And thanks to Heidi for the surprise introduction.

  47. Paula B. says:

    The FAQ page led me here to post one. People keep asking about a table for two. FAQ answer, ask the matre’d on the first night. Or how do I get a table for a group? Tell your PVP to link the reservations or book through groups dept. John, I love reading your blog and facebook, but you shouldn’t have to take care of these types of requests when it is easy for a guest to take of dinner tables on their own!

    • Martha says:

      Just FYI, we are in a situation where the PVP cannot link our booking numbers, as one in our party used a TA. The TA cannot link either. So John would be our only chance to link. However, having one cruise under our belt, we know we can go straight to the MDR have it linked when we get on the ship. :0)

  48. Cheryl K says:

    Love, love, love the new blog! Great job to all who were involved.

    I couldn’t agree more that anyone who threatens a crew member should be put off the ship at the next port…no if’s, and’s or arses! Please don’t deface Funship Freddy though. It is against the law in almost every other form of transportation and it should be on a ship as well.

    You can remove the Duck Duck Girl’s post and your bloggers will handle it for you. DD Girl: That was undoubtedly the most self centered post I have read in a long time. If you were smart enough to read your cruise documents you would know that Carnival is not responsible for giving you anything for a missed port. Port charges for the missed port are credited to your account along with refunds for excursions booked through the ship…it was not a gift or compensation to you for missing the port. I take great offense to you being more upset because it was a sick crew member rather than a passenger. You are a spoiled brat.

  49. Clair says:

    Hi John,

    Loving the new blog design!


  50. kiciaski says:

    Good to hear from you Heidi. Looking forward to seeing you and Kye on the Carnival Magic on the May 22 cruise.


    Again a couple of your posters are driving me nuts. First there is Geoff. I’m sure that most of us enjoy the repartee concerning the “u” and other British spellings. As far as the spelling errors, I have noticed some from time to time but I can’t imagine I would contact the Captain about them. I think he has better things to do and I have better things to do on my vacation than make a big deal of it.

    Now on to Duck Duck Girl. The first clue that she was a little off was saying that Nassau was so important to their cruise. If we get off at all we just stay off about half an hour just to get a walk in. As far as complaining about getting $25 back because someone had to be taken care of that’s ridiculous. The fact that she thought a crewmember was worth less than anyone else is beyond ludicrous and makes us made also. Don’t apologize for anything John.

    I’ve said before that some people are too stupid to travel and now I have to add in that some people are too anal and evil to travel also.

    George and Linda

  51. Shelly C says:


    Sigh – get used to it. In jolly old England you call it being a “donkey”. I prefer the term “pack mule” or “sherpa”. My boys are 14 and 10 and I still end up lugging their stuff around – “Mom, can you hold my coat?” I draw the line at their hockey equipment – that smelly bag of body odor infused gear is all theirs!

  52. Canuck Cruiser says:

    Great Job Beards!
    Hi to Heidi and Kye from Canada.

    Have fun on the MAGIC John.

    All the best,

    B&D from Stratford ( the one in Canada)

  53. Kathy M. says:

    Hi Heidi and John,

    So glad to hear from you Heidi, maybe you should ask John if you could post something once a week to let us know how Kye is doing. I had the image in my mind of Kye and her daddy spending special time together, she needs that and so does he. I feel that John should take every weekend off from Facebook and the blog when he is at home with you and Kye (John, I hope you read this)and take at least one day off when he is working.

    John, as to Ducky Duck, he/she sounds like they are a spoiled brat and a selfish brat for that matter. Like you said to him/her how would have felt if it was one of their family members that had to be taken off the ship due to a medical emergency. I don’t care if it is a crew member or a guest, a human life comes first before any port. Personally, if I was on that cruise, I would have told the Purser to give the $25 to the crew member, because I know they will probably have some unexpected expenses when they get out of the hospital.

    As for your new blog, I LOVE IT, Everett and Eric (and some of the 344 Stephanies behind the scene)did a fantastic job and they deserve a raise (or maybe you could buy them some extra tofu or something),

    Please give my love to Heidi and Kye!
    From your #1 Bloggy Thinggy Fan

    Kathy M

  54. JR says:

    The blog looks great.Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!

    John you were too kind to the DUCK!!!

    Smooth Sailing.

  55. Mel says:

    John – how is the crew member doing that had to be taken away?

    Ducky Duck – F off! I bet that if it were you or one of your family members or friends that needed medical attention you’d be screaming at someone to turn around to get them help. Think about that why don’t ya before you open your mouth!

  56. Linda Herrnacki says:

    Hi Heidi: Glad Kye liked all the Barney stuff. Sounds like she has already been coloring in the coloring book and crayons we sent, hope she like the Barney tote bag, small pocket book, Barney jewelry, and the outfits, and I hope they fit. Linda & Mike

  57. Sharon says:

    John, Everett and everyone else….LOVE the new blog design. It’s neat and looks very efficient. I will have fun exploring it. Heidi, it was great to see you post and you ABSOLUTELY must make John take a complete day off more often. You all deserve the family time. John, reading about the incident with Ken leaves me speechless. We had the extreme pleasure of sailing with him on the Legend last May and September. What impressed me was when we got to the MDR the first night of our September cruise, he remembered us from May. To top it off, both my husband and I celebrated birthdays during that cruise and he and his staff made them so very special. Ken is such an asset to Carnival and the man who assaulted him should have been put off at the next port. I’m sorry but there is just no excuse for that kind of behavior. Same for Ducky girl, what a ______________ (you fill in the blank but it rhymes with witch)!

  58. Catherine W says:

    Love the new blog, and I was so glad to read what you said to Ducky (with an “F”) Duck. Unbelievable. This was definitely not the time to provide a whitewashed, diplomatic answer. That person needed a bit of an awakening and you provided it very well – don’t be sorry, it needed to be said.

    • Michael says:

      Nice layout of the new blog. Hats off to your tech guys. It is especially gratifying to see you finally putting the jerks in their proper place. You are way too much of a nice guy to take the crap that some try to lay on you. No one can continue to work 24/7 and have a perfect home life. I think that Heidi has the right idea for you, take a little family time whenever you get the chance. We can live without you posting all day and night on Facebook and the blog.

  59. Kathy B says:

    No, John, you were not wrong in your response to Ducky Duck and there’s nothing to apologize for. Her comment was right up there with the one a few weeks ago complaining about the “hired help” using the same gangway as passengers.

  60. Gord Frost says:


    I just scanned the above comments attached to the lovely suprise your wife Heidi spent the time to send for your enjoyment as you launch this new blog.

    Disappointing that some felt this was the place for problems, concerns and questions. You get so little time for yourself.

    As such I would just like to say that you deserve more time with your wife and child, a quality of life thing.

    To Heidi I just say welcome to the never ending addiction of Blogging! I hope we hear more from you.

    Try to relax at the convention and if it gives you any satisfaction your Cruise Director Staff Kirk and Jaime (On Pride) made our cruise complete and very special.

    Great Blog…. Good Luck … and take time for yourself.

    How does the old saying go? Have you ever met a dying man who wished he worked more instead of family time. Work is important but…

  61. Brad P says:

    I want to point out to Georff N that the correct North Americian spelling can include U and Z. I live in Canada….your neighbour to the north…..and we spell with U and Z as well. I don’t consider the Americian spelling to be incorrect. To each his own.

  62. Eva Bartolo says:

    Hi John/Eric

    New look for the blog is great (takes a bit of getting used to) however a step in the right direction for sure.

    One comment if I may. I used to like having the calander “thingie” on the left hand side. If I missed a blog it was easier to check the dates and click on it and the blog popped up. Now I have to skim through the titles and it is more cumbersome to do it that way. Is there a way you can put the calander back?? Thanks.


  63. Janice H. says:

    As I read your post about Japan, something I also noticed – there have been no reports of people looting or stealing….would we be so gracious here in the US??

    And about Duck Duck – bravo John – you handled it perfectly in my opinion – how dare they equate a life with money while whining “poor me”…

    Janice H


  64. Alicia Hilton says:

    Ok, this is my first time leaving a message for you. From what I gather of reading all of these posts here and on your FB page you are a valuable man. I live in Maine in the USA, and can not wait to go on our cruise on 3/3/2012. It will be our 5th year wedding anniversary, also a family cruise which includes our at the time of departure 26 month old daughter, my mother,my mother in law, our neighbors who have never been on a cruise. We are sooooooo excited to go on the Liberty. Me a my husband took our honeymoon on the Victory in ’07. Sorry about the rambling I just like to give a little background. Anyway finally my question is does anybody ever just leave you a comment on how wonderful Carnival is without asking for something in return. I have seen a lot of you giving but do you ever get back any thank you cards or letters. So I just want to thank you for taking your time and effort for ansewering all the questions that you come across and I hope you could do me a favor of a reply that is what I would like. And also to the people that are more worried about missing a port then a persons live, well shame on them. OK I’m done I hope I didn’t bore you to death with my post. Thank you again. Oh and one more thing we are in 7268 on the Liberty sailing on 3/3/2012 is this suite big enough for our daughter to play in.

  65. Hebburnboy says:

    In reply to the Ducky Duck affair………

    In the days of captain Cook and the pirates that sailed the seven seas there was a code. If someone was ill and threatened to make others on the ship ill the decision was made to put the ill off the ship immediately. This is what was done on the cruise DD was on.
    Wait back in the days I am talking about they did not have helicopters or coast guard they simply put the ill ones off the ship, “SPLASH”.
    It sounds to me like DD is a little mutinous you know what they did with mutineers, the same as ill people, “SPLASH”.
    So I think the code should be enforced. Anyone who is mutinous (read pain in the ……) or ill will be put overboard. We can do that once a day and call that time Ducky Duck time.
    Grow up Ducky Duck……..

    Nice new Blog folks and nice to hear from Heidi.
    So see you all on the poop deck for Ducky Duck time on the Magic.

  66. Marylou Hansen says:

    Geoff N ~ I’m appalled by your message to John. What, who cares about typos, grammatical, etc errors in the Fun Times? Just go on a cruise and HAVE FUN!!!! geez.. I’ve never read a blog post that was SO petty!!!!!!!!!!!

  67. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

    Dear Heidi:

    I completely understand the donkey reference. All these years of cruising with the boys, I have always been the one that had the bag with the sunscreen, the wallet, the towels….etc in each port. I was indeed the family “locker” as David and the boys swam and played…there I sat in the shade guarding our bag. That’s just the Mom thing and John and Kye are blessed that you do it so well.

    Eric the Beard…I am liking what I see so far. I look forward to discovering all the nuances that this new blog design holds.

    Geoff N: We Americans are the ones who stole and bastardised the English language.
    If you have nothing better to do with your vacation than edit spelling errors, then you have MUCH bigger problems than a few misspelled words.

    John: Please take MORE days off and spend them with Heidi and Kye. We will understand. More importantly, you need to time away to get away from morons like Dippy Duck and Grouchy Geoff and relax!

    Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)

  68. 4shee says:

    John: Just to let you know that I think you where right in what you wrote to Duck Duck Girl. We had the same thing happen on the Conguest and some of the passingers where so upset that we missed a port that they held a meeting at the Pursur’s desk. One of them I heard say he was going to cause a comotion to distrub the ship. (this was after we had to sail back for 2 hrs in the middle of the gulft to meet the Coast guard to save a life.) One life is worth a whole cruise if that is what has to be done. The Catain keep us informed all along and the majoritory of the passingers were every happy that evenything turned out well for the crew member you had to be life flighted off.
    I don’t know what cold hearted people think that they are the most important thing in the world but once in a while they need to be remimded that there are other people and things that have to be concedered.
    Loved the BC4 cruise and looking forward to seeing you on the Magic in Galveston.

  69. SUSAN CURTIS says:

    Love what I had time to read of the new blog. Look forward to longingly reading it each night in antisipation of our next cruise. Love to hear all the new info. (Makes me feel like I know what I am talking about, when I talk to others about cruising). And Ms DUCK, DUCK got a much nicer response than she deserved. Reminds me of the people who complain of slowed traffic when a road is closed for a fatal accident. They should be spending their time waiting in prayers of thanks giving that their car was not the one hit and prayer for the families of those that were.

  70. Cindy56 says:

    Hi John, I’m still recovering from the BC4 cruise. When will you know about the BC5 cruise so I can start planning/saving? You were right on with Ducky Duck and I hope he/she waddles their little a$$ right off the nearest pier. Hahaha

  71. Dawn L says:

    John, loved your response to Ducky Duck!!! It really seems like sometimes people only think of themselves and what they want. It should not even matter whether it was a crew member or a passenger. A life is a life bottom line!!! We had a situation like that happen when we were on the destiny, all we were concerned with is that whoever it was was going to be ok. Why do people have to be so selfish and self centered . You and Carnival do an amazing job!!! I would sincerely like to thank you for everything that you do. I would love to one day sail with you as CD. Until then please keep on blogging and dont ever change!!!

  72. CruisinSue says:

    Hi John
    I am happy to know that you were able to spend an uninterrupted day with your girls yesterday. The beach sounded wonderful.

    I am just responding to Duck’s comment. I cannot believe that a person could be so selfish and uncaring as she. As you know, I have been on 48 CCL cruises with 3 more booked and believe me, there have been more than one medical emergency onboard. We hae been diverted in each and every case. In one of the cases the person was a 39 year old lady that suffered a massive heart attack and unfortunately she passed away before we could rendezvous with the appropriate vessel. I was involved in the initial resuscitation since I was very close to her when she collapsed. We did miss our port and there were some complaints. But did those complaining think of that lady and her family? Probably not. They are like Duck and only think of themselves. I think Duck doesn’t need to go on a cruise if she is so selfish in the face of an emergency.

    To Duck: Your attitude and selfishness is disgusting. Have you never had an emergency in your family? Maybe someday, if you are ever on a cruise again and the emergency is yours, the captain should ignore your urgent situation and continue onward. There should be no refund or compensation for those selfish people that have no regard for the health and safety of others, crewmember or passenger.
    Thank you John for allowing me to post this to Duck. Like you, Duck’s comments just irritated the snot out of me. I lost one of my very best friends on a cruise and would have been horrified if the captain had ignored this emergency. Although we lost her, it was not for lack of caring and concern from the medical team and ship’s officers.
    Give my best to the girls and I do so hope to cruise with you again soon. I am to cruise the Spirit on March 27th. I can hardly wait!!

    Gloria aka Sue

  73. Sage56 says:

    To Heidi:
    Thank you for taking care of John and making sure he takes time for you and Kye. This is very important to not only you and Kye, but to him.

    Take care of yourself, you have to answer to Heidi and Kye… (really the “Beards” are not the priority!) You remind me of my horse Pete the Paint.. he would run his @ss off and if you know anything about horses, they will kill themselves doing what others want!

    You need to help John control his obsession with feeling obligated to want to be so involved. While it works for you, think of his family… of his health. Now, I know he has help answering some of the requests, and you need to make sure that the answers come from others, so people are not so dependent on John to “help” them! Seriously, his home life has been compromised with him having to change his phone number etc, but I am certain he has not moved. With all the public information available on the net, someone needs to look at his best interests, and for once not the corporate engagement.

    Shoot, think I just sprained my ankle jumping off my soap box. I am certain you all understand what I am saying, so I will close with hugs to Heidi and Kye, more PrepH for John, and some Tofu for the beards.

  74. Barb S says:

    Sorry, but I cannot resist.

    Geoff N., the common North American spelling of your name is Jeff. You might want to look into getting that changed before you criticize an Englishman for his English spelling of words.

    Thanks. I feel better.

  75. Ring of Gold says:

    Greetings Beards!

    Great new look. Love the bits of fun stuff along the top 🙂

    One question: Where did the blog archive go? I’m still trying to catch up on previous years so I understand some of the references in the later blogs!

    Ring of Gold

  76. Laura K says:

    Props to the Beards for such an amazing new blog look! It definitely makes things easier to locate.

  77. Barb S says:

    (This comes from an American)

    Duck Duck girl, you obviously have that American welfare mentality that you are due everything in the world. Get over yourself!

    John, thanks for putting up with all of us. I don’t know how you take it as well as you do sometimes!

  78. Ray "Whimpy" French says:

    Having sailed on the Bloggers cruise with you all and having gotten a peek at what the new blog design would look like i’d have to give 2 thumbs up. It’s more impressive then what I expected. Nice job Eric.

  79. Dorothy says:


    I love the new blog, makes it easier for me to read.
    My very first cruise was on the Carnival Glory back in 2007, we had been at sea for 4 hours when the captian announced that we were turning back to port, there was emergency medical on board. We made it back to port, the patient was unloaded and we got going again, what surprised me the most was that we still made cozumel on time, but it would not have bother me at all if we were late or even missed it, all that matter was the life that was saved. If it was one of my love ones or a complete stranger the only correct thing to do is to save that person life, I can always take another cruise any time.
    Also don’t worry about the way things are spelled, there are alot of Americans who can not spell correctly, I know from first hand, I have to spell words for my husband and then I got a sister who can’t spell and when you read what she is saying it is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
    I just think it is awful when someone threaten another person, they should be put off at the next port and let them find their own way home, it is uncalled for.
    Thanks for this new blog format and forget about my mispelled words, I don’t give a hoot, mispelled words don’t make my day, reading your blog does. Keep up the good work.

  80. Carolyn Perkins says:

    I love the new blog format and I have a suggestion. We’re booked on the Carnival Spirit’s repositioning cruise from Hawaii to Vancouver so I checked to see who would be the ACD. This will be my 25th Carnival Cruise so I’ve cruised with many of these guys before. I’m terrible with names but I never forget faces so I was wondering if you could put a link to a picture of the CDs and ACDs on your lists? That would help people like me who can’t remember names.


  81. Cheryl Bacon says:

    Kudos to the Carnival IT Department! The new Blog is wonderful! It is very obvious a lot of planning, development and hours of work went into the new format. Thank you so much! It should make things much easier for John, his family and the readers. Hopefully people will use it to it’s full potential. Again you all did a great job and thank you for listening to all the requests!

  82. dinks says:

    Please respond…
    Hi John

    I like to know where to sign up for the ‘non-employed’ CCL bouncer positions that are going to be posting on the job board as soon as this gets released.

  83. Julie Kurkowski says:

    Love the new blog..and dont worry about Duck

  84. Marsha Breen says:

    Love the new look and appreciate all the hard work of your beards!

    GeoffN – get a life!

    DuckDuckgirl – You are just a poor excuse for a human being if you think a crew member’s life is less important than yours.

    John – as far as any passenger that verbally or physically tries to bully a crew member – they should be thrown off the ship immediately. Maybe if Carnival would start initiating a “no tolerance” policy for these types of passengers, the behavior would stop once it was known that it wouldn’t be put up with.

  85. GREAT NEW LOOK on the blog!

    Only one word of feedback. The sign-up feature really needs help. When I sign up for notification – it is so I don’t have to keep checking back to see if its posted. Currently, it appears the email notifying a new blog is posted dispatches just after midnight EST. This is worthless…

    Great job on everything else! Perhaps there is a way to better implement the sign-up, until then – I’ll rely on your beardy posts on facebook. THanks!

  86. MrPete says:

    Re: Duck Duck girl

    I wonder if these people realize how they sound. But to make it seem not as important because it’s a crew member? She deserves all the karma about to come on her.

    This on the heels as someone complained last week about not debarking on time due to the disaster in the Pacific.

    It is also reminiscent of a complaint about a mioptic pregnancy where another crewmembers life was in jeopardy, and another fowl was complaining that her itinerary was altered.

    I can only roll my eyes and bite my tongue.

  87. Elizabeth D says:


    I was reading Geoff N’s post and would just like to extend a friendly reminder that not all of North America drops the ‘U” in words such as ‘colour’ and ‘honour’ and ‘neighbours’. Those of us to the North of the US (Canada) still appreciate usage of the additional letter. So John keep spelling as you do, the words seem to miss a certain Je ne sais quoi without ‘U’

    Elizabeth D

  88. mIkeL says:

    Well Geoff if you’re so offended by John’s non ‘American’ spelling perhaps you should remember that in America your name is spelled ‘Jeff’

  89. Cheryl says:

    John and the Beards LOVE THE NEW LAY OUT THANK YOU!!

  90. Janey - OKGIRL says:

    John a HUGE Thank You for your response to Duck Dumb……oops I mean Dork Dumb…..darn……well you know the jerk I’m talking about…….Bravo, well said John!

  91. Rita Presnell says:

    @Duck Duck Girl–what a selfish, insensitive piece of person you are!!!!

    @Geoff N—I would think you had better things to do on vacation than critique somewone’s writing and spelling!!!!!

  92. Gwen says:


    Love the new blog format! Fantastic job! All of your responses to the questions today were spot on, keep up the great work 🙂

  93. DannyK says:

    Recommended for the FAQ:
    Luggage tags. Should one buy #1 luggage tags on eBay? Will you be able to disembark with VIP’s if you use those tags bought on eBay?

  94. Meowsmurphy says:

    LOVE the new blog design and all the helpful tabs…wtg beards…John your reply to Ducky Duck was “spot on”…glad you didn’t waiver on your convictions as I am in total agreement with your reply..

  95. Alicia Hilton says:

    We are cruising 3/3/2012 on the Liberty cabin 7268 for our 5th year wedding anniversary. Is this suite enough room for us and our tine of traveling 26 month old. I hope this cabin has enough room for her to play. Could you let me know. We are soooo excited to be cruising. We are also bringing both of our mother’s who are sharing a cabin and our neighbors who have never cruised. Hope you can reply.

  96. Irene Garner says:

    How dare Geoff N ask that John speak and write American English……No-one would ever think of asking Geoff N to change his language to that of another country just because he’s there. The Queen’s English was there long before the American version of English,and as a fellow Brit, I would never change the spelling of the true English words to keep somebody else happy. Stay true to your first language John.


  97. hey john, no need for sorry to duck duck, her letter was fine up to the point that she mentioned IT WAS A CREW MEMBER as if that was hardly worth the stop. love the new set up, again i’m asking if you can help us get one room for two weeks on the dream starting with the 3/26 cruise. it will be our 15 &16 cruise, and we really would like one room the two weeks. thanks anyway if you can’t i understand. your friend from the mellow yellows group kathy

  98. Gary Nolan says:

    John, the new blog looks great. Thank you for all you do!

  99. pam says:

    I know it is hard to deal with the public and all the rudeness some people have. However your answer to Ducky F……y was way too lame….. I would have thrown her off the side of the ship and told her to fly home.. How is the person doing please give us an update on him or her…I am praying that things are alright… thanks and keep up the awesome job….

  100. Dennis and Candy Zander says:

    Love love love the new blog thingy layout! I really hope it helps you! Geoff needs to get a grip! How rude! And Ducky needs to *ucky off!! RUDE as well! You did a wonderful job bringing her insensitivity to her attention! Much love and many blessings to you and yours!!

  101. Bostonm&ms says:

    Maybe I missed it, but if not, please add how to reserve Chef’s Table. I love the Steakhouse Reservation format. Would you be able to do the same for Chef’s Table?
    Thank you.

  102. aly says:

    You answered Ducky Duck perfect and I love the new Blog.

  103. Roger says:

    I like the new layout for the blog page, so much more colorful.

    Just booked the Ecstasy for the April 2 sailing from Galveston in a few weeks.

    We can’t wait,

    We have heard really great things about Steve Cassell the cruise director, hopefully he will live up to expectations and more which I’m sure he will.


  104. Andrue says:

    One thing missing. The ability to move easily between daily posts to the blog. In the past I could go to the next day or previous day via a link at the bottom of the post for the day.

  105. CJ says:


    You are fantastic – I really loved your reply to Duck Duck Girl. She really doesn’t get it! A human life is something that you can’t put a value on. It is something that you do everything you can to protect. I certainly hope that the crew member is well and that everything worked out for the best. Thank as always for everything that you do.


  106. mort13ers says:

    The New Blog is WICKED EXCELLENT, Nice Job to the Beards……………………….

  107. Joseph says:

    John the new blog was well worth the wait! Kudos go to Eric the Beard and his fellow Tofu assistants for making this happen.

  108. DannyK says:

    Recommended FAQs: Ordering liquor for the cabin from Bon Voyage. Toll-free # and ordering for the cabin info. Liquor is not mentioned on Carnival’s BV web site, only wine.

    Bringing soft drinks on board: 12 20oz PP limit.

  109. Erin says:

    Ducky Duck is a quack! How selfish and cold hearted can a person be?! I think your response was perfect and needed to be said, great job!! It is unfortunate we live in a society that people feel “entitled”, it sickens me. You and the entire Carnival team do a FANTASTIC job and there is a much larger group of happy, satisfied customers than dissatisfied to support that!

    To Heidi, I completely feel your pain!! I am a mother, rather “donkey”, to a 4,7 & 9 year old (oh and 40 year old, ha ha!). As well as maid, cook, therapist, etc……but I am glad to hear you were actually able to tear hubby away from his blog & FB to get some sort of quality time. I think you are great and loved the story!

  110. DannyMissy says:

    Love the new blog format! I was teased with it on BC4 and I am so excited it’s live now!

    There are no words to express my contempt for Duck Duck Girl’s disgusting attitude, so I won’t try.

    Hoping to see you again on BC5!

  111. DougieFresh says:


    First and foremost I would like to commend you on your blog and I appreciate your time and dedication that you put into it. This reply is on response to Geoff N: I am no English major (judging by the vast errors contained in this reply) but I for one counted several punctuation errors on your part as I read your comment. English is a vast language and although it may sometimes be very confusing for you to comprehend I dont think the American people are requesting that John dumb-it-down for you to understand. If it’s written in a way that you can at least make sense of the point the writer is trying to make than “get it” and move on and let it go. By the way, who disects the Fun Times and highlites all the errors, while they are cruising?? I broke down a muffin on the Lido Deck and only counted 6 blueberries and I still didnt request a “sit down” with the captain to discuss the 10 blueberry standard. I would also like to point out that in America we spell Geoff: JEFF.

  112. Sandra says:

    Love the new blog – Eric and the beards did a great job! So modern looking –

  113. Ronda Hensley says:

    Dear Heidi – Thank you for the brilliant start to the new blog. I am so glad you made John take some time for you and Kye, you all deserve it. As far as the donkey thing goes- this, too, shall pass, but only after it gets worse. I believe it’s in the fine print of the motherhood contract…Anyway, I hope you can enjoy lots of quality time while John is home, and I really hope I get a chance to meet you and Kye on (MY) Carnival Magic,(I’ll be on the June 12 sailing).
    John, you were honest without being mean to Duck Duck. I feel a little sorry for her, she has obviously been raised with some incredibly mixed-up priorities. I hope she learns compassion for her fellow human beings soon.
    All I can say to Geoff is- learn to let go. Some things just aren’t that important. I can’t imagine how he deals with advertisement’s like “im lovin it”. Yeah, poor grammar and typos are annoying(I happen to teach 6th grade language arts), but I go cruising to leave all that behind. As long as I can understand the info, I’m happy.
    The new blog format is excellent! I’m not terribly tech-savvy, and I have only had one minor ‘glitch’ as I’ve been checking everything out. (I didn’t understand what ‘verify’ meant, I tried to re-enter my e-mail until it told me it wanted ‘the special code.’Thanks, beards, for having it not erase every time!) Huge thanks to the Bearded-E’s, and the 344 Stephanie’s for everything they do to help you out.
    Have a wonderful time at home with your girls. I look forward to meeting you on the June 12th sailing of MY Carnival Magic ; ) and having a picture taken so I can submit it to “Mate of the Week.”
    Peace and Blessings, Ronda (spelt correctly)

    • I wholeheartedly agree with Ronda, John you were actually quite kind to Duck Duck Girl. I hope for her sake she never gets so ill on a vacation that a cruise ship needs to be diverted for her. I also agree with your stance on threatening a ‘crew member’. If I a fellow passenger had heard him, I might have hauled off and pummeled him myself. I hate bully’s.

  114. Bob Green says:

    I hope if Melissa is unable to donate her hubby’s books to Carnival she will look in her community for someone who would appreciate them. Perhaps a school or an eldercare program. Our library also accepts book donations which are then resold as a fund raiser.

  115. Riley says:

    For The FAQ Page
    ATTN: Beards?

    Although this is not an actual question and answer. The questions about the partitions between the balconies seem to come up a lot, especially on facebook. Maybe you could put the partitions that could be opened on each ship on a page-type thing. Kind of how you do the fun times. Or you could just put the ones that you know you can open on the FAQ page, because it sure is a “Frequently asked Question”. I know, it’s a lot, sorry.

    Thanks for all you do. 🙂

    PS- The new blog looks great!

  116. Laura Harlin says:


    We were on the Carnival Freedom last October when the ship had to divert to Grand Cayman to drop off a critical passenger. The diversion in the middle of the night caused us to be almost 7 hours late getting into port. This therefore caused us to miss our flights and caused us to have to foot the bill for a hotel and new flights. I was upset about the added cost (should have had insurance), but I kept thinking and saying that the cost didn’t matter as long as the passenger who was sick was given the help he needed. We heard lots of people talking and complaining about the diversion and that they should have just helicoptered the guy off the ship. I (as do you) felt that if I had been in the situation needing help, I wouldn’t have cared how it was done as long as it was done.

    The world we live in is changing into a world where everyone expects to have everything exactly the way it is supposed to and that they are entitled to freebies the minute something messes something up. Just like the way people sue for everything (their fault or not), people just want to get something out of every possible situation. It’s sickening.

    Carnival didn’t offer guests any kind of compensation money wise. They did, however, offer free usage of the telephones in our staterooms to make alternate plans. I didn’t feel like I needed anything more than this. We later found out that the passenger had been upgraded to stable condition and was airlifted to a Miami hospital….for me…that’s all that mattered!

    • Bill Heck says:

      Well said

    • John
      Arrived home in Scotland at 06.30 yesterday, totally whacked after my BtoB on C Glory the first week being your Bloggers’ BC4 cruise.
      I shall be writing a lot more about the wonderful Bloggers I met & about your terrific interaction with those of us who were priveleged to enjoy the exprience.
      However, I am playing catch up because the Glory Internet site was so Sodding slow.
      On the subject of Geoff N – to hell with his phobia with American grammar & spelling – Geoff this is a fun site for fun people. I am British with an extremely good command of grammar etc. east of the Pond but I don’t get hung up on this issue. Do let go of your sense of propriety, it does not fit with this site.
      As for Duck Girl, I do hope she is an excellent Limbo Dancer! I for one would love to see her hit the deck. Her comments beggar belief! How dare she demand a huge compensation package for missing a port of call due to unforeseen circumstances.
      Carnival cares for it’s guests & crew & that is why sometimes you may miss a port of call or experience a total change of itinerary. Please grow up! Having cruised 21 times with CCL I have met with some of these changes – but they are not life threatening, rather they provide you with an insight to the wonderful world of mystery of the Caribbean islands & their wonderful inhabitants.
      John, please do not let these idiots upset you. They upset me but I don’t need to deal with these insults 24/7 like you do.
      My best wishes to Heidi & Kye.

  117. bonnie boatner says:

    Hey John.Hope you are well,Im having a moment here.Just was able to access the new blog this after noon.After reading several days worth, Im just amazed at how rude and self absorbed some people are.”Demanding” replys,bitching about missing,of all places Nassau, and the fact that it was a crew member made it less of a medical emergency?I dont get it and I dont know how you manage to stay civil throughout all.
    I appreciate your blog and your efforts to keep us all informed. I do have one question. How is Bollocks properly used in a sentance? I foung myself muttering it at work the other day instead of something else. Then laughed outloud at myself, but what does it really mean? Thanks,Bonnie

  118. Nancy Jones says:


    I, too, wanted to take the time to thank you for your tireless work on this blog. As someone who will be cruising for the first time ever this year (Carnival Magic, July 24!), the information you provide is invaluable! Thank you for your detailed response, for example, to the question posed by “Calgary Cruiser” here. I’ve looked for the same info online and never found it laid out so succinctly.
    I promise we won’t have a single “Duck” in our group. =) We will be having a wedding onboard, however, and you’re welcome to come celebrate and toast the happy couple with us! (You’re also encouraged to book an exotic dancers convention for the cruise, if you’d like to help us plan some pre-wedding festivities!) Seriously, though, thank you for all you do! I may be late to the party, but I look forward to being a Carnival fan for a long time to come.

  119. Roger Tollerud says:

    I was afraid that the Beards would wander off into Geekdom and ruin your blog but they are to be commended as it is perfect in every regard!!
    Roger T

  120. Starr says:

    Well I went up and down the list and I have come to the conclusion that my reply last night was the one that caused the crash. so now I have to remember what I tried to say. Heidi good to hear from you. You keep that guy in line. John, Heidi is not a donkey, get a wagon! They are great for hauling all the goodies a little girl needs, your stuff to, plus a place for Kye to rest when she is over tired.

    If Geoff is sitting in his cabin correcting spelling why is he on a cruise. Go back to the classroom! If the message is there forget about it! Carnival is a Fun Ship enjoy it!

    Ducky Duck shame on you! A human being was sick and you worry about your money! I hope that if anything happens to you someone cares enough to help!

    Beard Eric great blog! Love the tips even saved them so I have a referral to look at.
    Prayer to all of those in Japan. I fear this is going to be more devastating than anyone can begin to imagine.

    John I think you handled Duck person perfectly, no worries.


  121. Jean Morgan says:

    What price on someones life? ALL life is priceless. Except in the world of Ducky Duck where if it means missing a port she wants to visit then no-ones life is worth even one penny.
    I cannot recall ever reading such selfish drivel in all my life. Her parents did her a great disservice when they brought her up to believe that everything in the world should revolve around her and that she is the only person that counts in any circumstances. Shame on them and shame on her. Grow up little girl.

  122. Pam Wagner says:

    With regard to Ducky Duck, we were on the Carnival Splendor in October when a crewmember jumped overboard. We missed part of the day in Puerto Vallarta, and I couldn’t believe some of the comments I heard from people! Have we become such shallow people that the life of a person is trivial compared to our vacation? God help us!

  123. Barb says:

    Geoff N,
    Please be advised that it is not only “Americans” who live in North America.
    As a Canadian I would like to advise you that we too, spell many of our words the same way as John and I am sure he has lots of Canadians reading his blog. So please get off your high horse and accept the fact that there are many other countries and cultures residing in North America and the United States is not the centre of the universe.

  124. Nancy McQuarrie says:

    For the FAQ: What is appropriate dress for Chef’s Table?

  125. Donald Lipham says:

    While I think that Geoff N is a bit of a tool for this demand to meet with the Captain, he does have a point. I have been reading the Capers for our 10/1 Dream cruise and I have noticed it peppered with errors. I hadn’t thought too much about it and I certainly wouldn’t demand to see anyone let alone the captain about it. BUT, I was reading the docs that I have access to print from the “Manage my Cruise” section of the website. In the Booking Summary there is an area labeled Cruise Travel on the last page that covers passport requirements. That paragraph alone contains two errors! While the Capers are updated and changed somewhat on the fly, this document is static. In any event, my wife and I are both teachers and it drives us NUTS when students don’t proofread before turning things in. With documents like this, someone might end up going to the naughty room with John’s underpants…

    P.S. Love the new layout!

  126. Nonie says:

    Thank you John for that wonderful tribute to the people of Japan. I, too, have been amazed at the calmness of the people, or should I say lack of panic. They are probably anything but calm but don’t waste energy getting all upset. We here on the west coast of Canada are now thinking “We could be Next”. Everyone is starting to get a survival pack ready which, of course, we should have done years ago.

    I really like your new BLOG format as it is much easier to read and the different “compartments” are really a great idea. Keep up the good work (or play) and I always look forward to the next one.

    TTFN Nonie

  127. GaleLovesCruising says:

    KEN BYRNE IS AN AMAZING MAITRE D!!!!! We sailed on the Carnival Conquest February 20-27, 2011 & I can honestly say he is the BEST maitre d we have ever had. He has an amazing voice and provided additional musical entertainment in the dining room every night. And, I do believe this was the first cruise we have ever made a special point of tipping the maitre d – he earned it!!! He wasn’t just a “position of authority” he was a “part of our dining experience”. Also, we greatly enjoyed the close-up table magician – Barman. I am still in awe of the things he does.

    Thanks John for listening to us all. I hope someday to sail on a cruise with you and have the chance to experience your wit and professionalism.

  128. lisa wiggs says:

    In the John Talk section of the blog it says to leave suggestions in the comment section below, but there is no comment section below the John Talk. Anyway, please add the definition of “Cheeky sod” to the John Talk list. Thank you.

  129. Crystal says:

    Hi John,

    I worked with you on the Carnival Freedom a couple of Summers back (trombone player in the showband), and I admired (it was scary and refreshing at the same time….) how you would drop the funny man John and get downright serious when needed. I was reminded of this today while reading your response to Duck Duck Terrible Person.

    I don’t work on ships anymore, but that really makes no difference – I wanted to thank you for getting downright serious with Duck Duck, especially on the topic of ill crewmembers. As a former crewmember, and a decent human being, reading her complaint made me sick (good thing I wasn’t reading it on board, or even more people would have to miss a port…). It’s a new low.

    As I was reading her post, I was anxiously crossing my fingers and hoping that you would spare any politeness and just hand it to her, and I wasn’t disappointed. You know how to take care of your colleagues and guests, and we should all be proud to have you in our corner.

    I hope all is well with you and your family, John!

    Take care,


  130. unixrab says:

    Is the July – Dec 2012 CD schedule out yet? I only see through June ’12 Thanks for all you do and all the …uh… grief that the crazies send your way!

  131. nick hull says:

    john. I am currwntly on the pride cabin 8240.we were offered a free bottle of wine to go to davids on the first night. 3 cabins in our group decided to take up the offer but we only received 2 bottles of wine.of course that was not sufficient for ten people and we ran out. also the two of us who ordered rib eye were very dissapointed by some very grissley wifes lamb chops were pure fat. I am not usually one to complain but the main dining room has better quality food. we love the pride but dont love David’s . is there any way that you can pass the message on?

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